How To: Welcome Guests with Children

Although I'm kidless, many of my friends are not, so it's not unusual that plans often involve friends and their offspring. Being a bit of overgrown kid myself, I've collected a lot of toys over the years that I bring out when the wee ones come over. But having small guests invade your home without leaving it looking like a tornado hit it when they depart is more than a matter of a few trinkets. Here's what I've learned in the past few years...

When serving food, think like a kid: Simple food, prepared simply, is always a hit. I like to serve pasta in small fun shapes with butter and parmesan, milk, vanilla ice cream. You can use food colouring in milk or in water; spread out newspaper and let kids colour their food themselves.
Let your guests know beforehand that you are a host and not a babysitting service: As much as I adore kids (often preferring them to adults), I've got other guests to entertain, so I always suggest that parents come prepared with videos and their child's favorite toys. And no, I am not above sticking kids on my bed with Hulu.com tuned to cartoons. Other good choices: Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, Wallee.
Clear out your home: As much as possible, put away favorite, valuable breakables or any small objects you cherish. Consider rearranging the furniture so that kids can run around without knocking into sharp corners and throw blankets over upholstered furniture that does not clean up easily.
Have a game box: I have a stash of crayons, stickers and glue sticks as well as a shelf of classic games like Jenga, Twister and Mexican Train Dominoes. These are all games that can be played using the regular rules or broken apart to entertain younger children.
Set the kids up in their own area: Depending on a kid's temperament, they might do better left to play on their own in a bedroom with music playing and a few books, games and craft supplies.
Naptime: I've found that a lot of my tiny guests are crazy excited by the idea of being able to jump and nap on my grownup bed, to draw on my carpet with chalk (friends were horrified when I suggested this to their child but then realized it could be vacuumed right up) or to play dress up in my closet (my collection of heels is always a big hit).

What are your tips for having children over?

For more tips on cohabitating with children, check out our (kid) sister site, Ohdeedoh.

[image courtesy of Rachel Rose]

Comments (31)

Can you really vacuum the chalk right up off of carpet? Good to know.

Excellent advice and appropriate use of first person singular. That wasn't so hard was it?

nap time sounds perfect.

My friend goes to the hardware store and gets toys on the cheap- woopie cushions (always a hit), bubbles, glow sticks, body paint.

Best purchase I have ever made:

The bubble thing
http://www.klutz.com/catalog/product/1210

All of my friends kids love it and it give hours and hours of entertainment.

... friends' kids ... Sorry.

I hope that parents use some common sense, too. We had visitors recently who expected my boyfriend and me to have a sippy cup. We don't have any kids!!!!! Why wouldn't they bring their own sippy cup (or, by the way, any toys for the baby, a blanket, or snacks)?? I understand being a harried parent and the importance of being a good hostess, but you can't expect people without kids (and on a limited budget) to have this stuff.

kit108,
my niece and nephew were wide-eyed the first time i let them draw chalk circles on my carpet for a game of marbles. btw, letting them use the dustbuster to vacuum it up was almost as much fun to them as the game!

these are good tips and while it may not be PC, having some kid friendly DVDs is a good idea as well.

I have learned to prepare for a game of hide and seek. Mostly what this means is those places you didn't think you had to clean because "no one will ever see" are the best hiding spots and will instantly attract children who are not shy about announcing "there is a bunch of dog hair back here."

ps. for some of us in the South, it may be a little too soon yet for glib Katrina references. For me personally, it conjures up pictures of floating bodies - and I hope that's not what happens at your parties.

It is my experience that most parents come with an arsenal of stuff for their kids. I'm not above popping in a DVD for them either, provided that it isnt being played on the main (or only) TV in the house.

Just wanna say bravo for keeping the kids in mind. While I don't expect my kid-less friends to have any of the specific stuff we'd need for our daughter, having things that make it clear they are welcome is a beautiful thing.

Thank goodness I am old enough that this is not an issue. I rarely entertain and NEVER entertain kids. Jealous??

One of our friends has a 2 year old. She gives me an excuse to keep things for Dress Up, and to aquire neat old toys. "It's to entertain Maddy!" ...I swear... ~_^

The only part that I think really doesn't work is sticking them in front of a tv in a bedroom. How do they learn to interact with all sorts of people? Most European family parties include people of all ages, and I think that's charming.

Our best friends have a three year old that comes over with and without his parents from times to time. We have a small apartment but what we did was get a cube shaped nylon box that fits into our book shelves and filled it with matchbox cars, crayons, play dough, sticky slap hands, wind up toys and coloring books.

We showed him where it was and now every time he comes over he goes straight for "His cube" and has even taken to putting everything back before he goes. He actually looks forward to coming over to play with his little treasures he has accumulated and when we have other guests he loves showing them "His" special stuff at our house.

Sam,
My apologies. My reference was never intended to offend or make light of an awful event. I've made a change to it.

What a fun "auntie" you must be!

Ahh, but what to do when the children are not invited? I've had a couple come over with their toddler, twice. He was attacking all the low hanging fruit, including electronics and kitchen supplies. I do not have a child-proofed house, or a maypole to dance around like in the photo! Nor did I invite a child to come over, nor did the parents ask.

This was a work colleague of my partner, and they will generally be invited back as part of the company. People at *my* work are starting to have babies in droves, and see this toddler as an example - I'm really afraid of the social problems that are going to come up.

I am posting this here in the hopes that all the parents reading will take it upon themselves to make sure they don't need a babysitter.

If you have any kid-friendly books, keep them on a shelf low enough for your little guests to reach. I don't often entertain children, but I keep my collection of comic-strip anthologies on two lower shelves for when I do.

As a mom, I'm sorry to say that a few of your tips (and some of the comments) really rubbed me the wrong way. If you invite me AND my child to come over, my child is just as much of a guest as I am and should be treated as such. He's not a puppy to be put out in the backyard and not a handbag to be plopped down in the other room. He's a person and a guest in your home. Reasonable accommodations should be made and so should attempts to incorporate him into whatever is going on at an age-appropriate level. Most of your tips seem to be directions on how to exclude the kids (different food, different activity) rather than how to incorporate them. I've had friends try this and we don't see them much anymore. Maybe your friends see this differently than I do, and maybe it comes off better in person than in print... I guess any attempt is better than no attempt anyhow.

I think you're being overly harsh, jmdustin. Having separate age-appropriate activities and food for the kids doesn't seem (to me) to be the terrible, rude thing you make it out to be. It sounds like the writer does her best to make sure her child guests are as entertained and happy as their parents. I hardly think the author is suggesting that children are nuisances that must be exiled elsewhere. Sometimes kids are happier if they are excluded from boring adult stuff.

Frankly, I don't think every social event or activity has to be catered to fit the needs of all the children of various developmental stages that might be there. Why do some parents insist on demanding that their children be included in everything?

jmdustin, wow with the overparenting. I for one am really glad my parents were happy to let me eat and do different things than them. I wasn't interested in their friends, or the boring things they wanted to talk about or boring games they wanted to play, but I *loved* getting to choose a special favorite to eat instead of weird grown-up stuff and I *loved* being able have my own special (and much less boring) stuff to do!

It's one thing to exclude a kid who wants to be included such that they don't feel wanted, but something very different to realize they probably are much, much happier with their own stuff and to show them that you care about their happiness by letting them have that special stuff!

jmdustin, slowdown, elvedon: thank you for opening up this end of the conversation about children and parties.

To be clear, I don't think that kids should be included on *everything* but the post is about "How to Welcome Guests with Children." It's not about overparenting, it's about being inclusive. Trust me on this one, I've been invited to way too many things where my toddler was specifically invited and then is expected to be shuffled off into a corner and leave the adults alone. It's about teaching your kids to interact with other adults appropriately. I never said that *all* of the tips were bad, just that some of them rubbed me the wrong way. Children should be thought to be included as well, if they are invited, and if they are not invited, that's okay too. Not every event is for kids, nor should it be.

Gilles, why don't you take it upon yourself to make it clear it's an adult only party? Sure, the parents should probably ask if it's an adult friendly party but it seems easy enough to me that you should, as the host, make that clear and avoid any confusion or problems with your "low hanging fruit" in the first place.

Just posting this for all the childless party givers that are wondering how they can avoid having kids at their houses.

If you would prefer not to have kids at your party it's simple really, make it clear that it's an adult only party. I think it would be few and far between that you'd find a parent that would ignore a request like that. If they can't find a sitter they simply won't come.

I think the suggestions made are generally good and I do think that parents should tend to their own children and, as a guest and parent, I am very gracious when someone makes an effort to help my child feel welcome. I wouldn't send him off to a separate room though, at least not at his age now. And, I probably wouldn't like that so much later either, unless it was some really boring party and then I probably wouldn't want to be there either! I think it's important for kids to socialize with adults and learn how to interact. Sure, they need a break and child friendly activities but I don't think they need to be segregated. I also hate kiddie tables.

Abby,

Thank you so much for understanding. That was very kind of you to do.

At my friends' parties, there's always a room or part of the house designated for kid-centric activities, including a TV & DVD player, toys, books, space to run around, make a mess, whatever. The grownups range all over the house and the parents take turns keeping an eye on the kids' room to make sure things don't get out of hand. Sometimes the kids will be in their play area, sometimes with the grownups, but usually they congregate with their own age group. It all works out pretty well.

We often have children of family and friends over when we are entertaining. We've a box of toy and books for them to play with, they all know where it is and the kids never cause any problems.

The only issue we've ever had it when the parents of the children don't respect our home and belongings. Occasionally, we might be a bit sensitive if their child is ramming a toy into our 150 year old dining table and the parents attitude of "it's okay, they're just playing" really isn't good enough.

We are a couple without children too - and there's not a ton of kids that visit our apartment (about three or so on occasion - and all under the age of 3) but we do have a few things better suited for a child. The fiance has a few old Disney movies (Fantasia, Alice in Wonderland, etc), I try to keep some plastic dishware for those who aren't old enough to understand stoneware is breakable, and some stuffed animals and a couple toys.

The best advice I can give is try to set up an area where the adults will be as a somewhat play area. Children seem to be more likely to get into things when no one is around to watch them. We prefer to just move our coffee table into the spare room and let the middle of the living room be the play area.

Oh man, I was really hoping there would be a super-huffy comment about "Well why would I invite a CHILD to my home? Children are DIRTY!" like the comments on "How To Welcome Guests Who Smoke."

Adults can say their goodbyes and go home whenever they get bored/tired. Kids can't. Forcing them to keep going past that point in the name of "inclusion" will just result in a truly impressive tantrum.