Check Your Hotter McTaller, Pull Up An Earth Rug & Get Schooled on the New "Correct" Names for Things

Check Your Hotter McTaller, Pull Up An Earth Rug & Get Schooled on the New "Correct" Names for Things

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Melissa Massello
Jul 20, 2017

In the (master)mind of British content creator Mark Dempsey, "The meme is mightier than the sword." And we certainly would have to agree, based on his viral Twitter account Correct Names, which gives new monikers to everyday objects that are far more logical — and hilarious — than their existing words.

From renaming water to "Snowman Blood", carousels to "Horse Tornadoes", and veterinarians to "Dogtors", Dempsey has racked up a cult following for his Correct Names Twitter account — providing all the laughs we (and his nearly 80K followers) need right now, plus some serious suggestions that seem like common sense and maybe we should just all adopt the Correct Names for things right now.

Time to ditch the old ways and bring on an all-new domestic vocab. Expect these Correct Names to infiltrate your favorite shelter mags and HGTV shows any day now:

1. House Mouth
Nom, nom, nosy neighbor.

2. Reverse Boat
We're gonna need a bigger reverse boat. Clawfoot just became so much scarier.

3. Sleep Table
Because, obviously, this just makes so much more sense. Shorter and softer, but same same.

4. Head Bed
Hush little baby, say your new words.

5. Human Shelf
Human shelf potatoes doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but maybe easier to mime in charades?

6. Boneless Couch
Because "boneless human shelf" just sounds like something out of a CSI episode.

7. Electric Hose
Don't need Harry Potter to explain this wizardry.

8. Grass Hoover
Nobody mows the lawn like Hoover. Nobody.

9. Word Movie
Coming soon to #shelfies near you.

10. Apple Juice
Can't believe Steve Jobs didn't get here first.

11. Pudding Shovel
Right up there with dinglehopper. Seriously, try forgetting this one.

12. Hotter McTaller
Just hanging out there in the yard, behind Patty O'Furniture.

13. Earth Rug
Wash and wear clean, all you need is a Grass Hoover.

14. Puberty Plant
It's an awkward phase for everyone.

15. Treesticles
Maybe this will stop being funny by the holidays. Maybe. Doubt it.

16. 2D Bowl
Flat Stanley cosigns on this change.

17.Wood Waffles
But the termites are on the fence about brunch. Ba-dum-bum.

18. Zig Zag Reverse Roof
Just way more interesting to say.

19. House Lego
Masonry projects just became so much more fun. Maybe they should come in themed kits.

20. Fire Snorkel
Does this make Santa a Fire Scuba Diver? Discuss.

21. Reverse Floor
Every kid and yoga instructor ever would agree on this necessary swap.

22. Food Locker
Put me in, chef.

Which are your favorite? Tell us in the comments.

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