One advantage of working with people in Europe and Asia is that we get a different kind of perspective when it comes to etiquette. Despite the universal truths (i.e., Don't chew with your mouth open, thank your host for the invitation, etc), there's also potential pitfalls that surprised us. We've been inspired to round up a few global etiquette tips below, and feel free to add your own tips or experiences in the comments...
An example: a French co-worker recently came to the States and upon his arrival at our home, he brought a bottle of wine, flowers, and an anxious smile. "This is how you do things in the U.S., yes?" Apparently, it is customary in France to bring flowers. Bringing a bottle of wine could be considered an insult in the form of, "You thought you would have nothing to drink in my home?!"
Here are some helpful tips from Mark McCrum for The Independent.co.uk:
- In parts of the Middle East, India, and Africa, it's normal to eat with your hands...er, actually, just one hand: your right. The left one is considered unclean.
- In China or Japan, it's rude to stick your chopsticks straight up in your bowl of rice, as it is considered too close to the action of placing incense sticks during a funeral. Also, feel free to pass on the beano--farting after a meal is a compliment to your host.
- The giving and receiving of gifts in the Middle East and Asia should be done with either the right hand or bath hands.
- If you're thinking about giving flowers to your international host, skip the chrysanthemums which is a reminder of death in many European countries. For that matter, you might want to skip yellow carnations too--in Russia or Iran, yellow flowers are a sign of hatred.
- The subject of splitting the bill. In China, the very idea of going dutch can be considered rude, especially if your host is a bit older. However, there is the polite insistence (up to three times) of picking the tab up yourself if you've been invited to a restaurant. Ultimately, the host will pay, but even suggesting to cover the dessert could be a serious faux pas. How do you show your appreciation to your host? Invite 'em out to dinner at a later date.
- In Germany, if you are invited to a friend's home at a specific time, it's imperative you show up on time. Anything after the 15 minute buffer, and it's considered rude. The French are wee bit more forgiving on the punctuality, but if your tardiness disrupts the flow of the courses, you may not be invited back.
- And finally, we had to include this one, although it's not about etiquette: In Germany, it is customary for individuals who have reached the tender age of 30 and are single to get publicly punished. "Accompanied by their friends, the offenders are taken to a local church, town hall or opera house, where the men are made to sweep the steps while the women have to clean shoe polish-covered door handles. They can only be released from these onerous tasks when kissed by a virgin of the opposite sex, possibly one who may release them from their offensive state of singledom. An all-night party generally follows."
Got any other tips or stories? Share it with us in the comments!
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My parents' #1 rule: If you're going to be a guest, be interesting. Be engaged in conversation, ask others questions about themselves, and be prepared to share something of appeal with others.
It's funny, I was a houseguest twice in France (I stayed with two different families) and I always brought wine! However, I brought wine from a local long island vineyard, so I hope they weren't offended.
I only bring white wine to someone's home. Let the homeowner provide the red option. Red wine stains the teeth.
Usually I am happy to lurk, but I just had to chime in on this one... the idea that it is acceptable, even polite, to fart in public in Japan is hilariously wrong! It's considered rude to even blow your nose in public. China is a totally different story; it is OK to burp in China, but I'm kind of doubtful of the farting. And please do NOT burp in public in Japan!! You may slurp your noodles, however. China and Japan are both in Asia, and partially share a writing system, but the etiquette absolutely could not be more different.
Also, interestingly enough, chrysanthemums signify death in Japan, as well.
I lived in France for years and am married to a Frenchwoman. We generally bring flowers when invited to someone's home, but also frequently bring a bottle of wine. Same for our French friends who visit our home (both in the States and in France). It's not considered rude, although the bottle is usually accompanied by a little "dance" in which the host offers to drink the wine that night with dinner, and the guest who brought the wine insists that it's not necessary and is for a later date.
When in Korea, take off your shoes when entering someone's home. Many people still sleep on the floors, so it's kind of like walking on someone's bed in your heels. Not cool.
When eating, it's perfectly acceptable to slurp and smack your food, especially soup. They are very slurpy and smacky - mainly I think because they like to serve thier soup nearly at the point of boiling, so it helps cool it off.
Popping and smacking gum in public is also totally ok. It bothers some people, but it doesn't bother me in the least.
After a kitchen remodel I've recently begun to invite friends over for dinner parties. After hosting a half-dozen I'm shocked to find out that young people in the U.S. don't have any dinner party etiquette. People are always showing up with food items (this is a dinner party, not a potluck) and then lingering to try to load the dishwasher. It drives me crazy.
Caw I think they are trying to be polite. They may not have *your* dinner party etiquette, but they certainly have their own.
in france don't yawn with your mouth open ever. my friends there yelled at me about this. i'm sure it's just a minor offensive here in the states, but over there they get really angry. i asked them why, and they said that it's because it makes guys think of what you might do with your open mouth. next time i visit, i intend to cover my mouth all the time.
I wish my friends would hang around to help clean up - but then again, I encourage my friends to bring food if they want. Heck - bring the whole meal, and I'll supply the space. And, as mentioned in the post from DarrenB, often the food or drink is not necessarily intended for that evening.
But I promise to stop bringing cookies if it makes everyone happy.
Ixnay on farting in China or Japan! Of course, if there's a slip-up, hosts would look the other way so as not to cause embarrassment to the guest. That, of course, isn't the same as welcoming the act.
A better compliment to the chef would be tasting and eating food with enthusiasm. But, always leave a little at the end, so your host doesn't think he or she was unable to satisfy your appetite.
caw:: I think it may be misunderstood to some degree, I know from experience having thrown and been invited to dinner parties, it depends on the party tone. Most young (and I don't quite know what you mean by that) people are throwing parties which are more relaxed and casual, thus an evenings *menu* will not be disrupted by someone else's gift of food. I personally always like to bring a cute little appetizer or goodie that everyone may not have had or heard of before. on the other side of things ive been to ultra formal dinner parties with the menu printed within the invitation, consisting of a *coursed* structure, in that case I brought wine and a small gift for the host.. it depends on how you phrase the evening. as for the while lingering guest comment, yes the awkward drunk friend of a friend whose obviously outstaying their welcome is one thing but I was always taught that helping clean up afterwards is a compliment to a wonderful meal, even if the host says no, the offer should always be appreciated!
I don't know who said that farting in China/Japan is a compliment to the chef, but they were pulling your leg. A small discrete burp maybe, but no way on farting. The rice/chopsticks hint is correct though.
I'd extend the "shoes off" to almost any Asian country. I can't think of any Asian country that doesn't take shoes off in the home.
If going to a Chinese funeral, do not wear or bring anything red. Red is a color for celebration, so even red luggage may be considered rude (as I belatedly learned at a family funeral).
In Asia, your host will insist on you eating until you're stuffed. You don't have to stick to the mentality of "must clean plate" -- leaving a little bit of food on the plate is a way to show that you're full. Conversely, leaving a lot of food on your plate is considered wasteful.
Don't eat/drink/blow your nose while walking around Japan. If you buy a snack/drink from a vending machine, you consume it right there. If you need to blow your nose, you find a bathroom or discrete alley. Don't talk loudly on the train -- doesn't matter if it's a person or a cell, you're supposed to be quiet. Don't jaywalk. Don't block the escalator: make sure to stand to one side so people can get by.
And not an etiquette tip so much as a useful travel tip for Japan: if you're looking for a Western toilet in a commercial building's bathroom, try the last stall. IME, if there were mostly Eastern style toilets, the Western one would be at the end.
LOL--I'd like to see someone fart after a nice dinner in Japan. & I don't think it's acceptable in China either. Burping after a large meal is a sign of contentment in China but not in Japan; however, you can slurp your soup and make smacking noises to your heart's content.
In France, when a woman reaches 25 its still traditional to throw a party where guests bring eligible bachelors for her to meet as a last-ditch effort to get her married before she's over-the hill (at 26!) While the average marriage rate there is older than that, the parties are still commonly thrown.
Also: never say 'bon appetit' as you sit down to a meal. Only say that when other people are eating and you're not, though no one will be offended if you commit this faux pas.
In Thailand, never smell flowers in your hosts' home, those were a gift to them, not you. And never point the bottoms of your feet at someone (you will often eat sitting on the floor so your knees can get sore but resist the temptation to readjust.) Even sitting with your feet towards another person but the soles flat on the ground can be considered rude.
Regarding Japan, as was mentioned, it's not okay to blow your nose, but it is okay to disgustingly "snort" repeatedly. Because it's "bad manners" to blow your nose, it's the only thing people can do when their nose is running so instead of one rude nose-blowing and having it done with, you get to hear people constantly make this gross noise over and over. It also seems to be fine to gob up and spit on the ground in public as it happens all the time (both men and women do it).
Also, in Japan, the host will feel you didn't enjoy the meal if you don't clean your plate. In China, it's bad if you don't leave some food uneaten as it indicates that you weren't served enough.
I don't think farting after meals in Japan is good thing either.
My Indian friend said that white is used only for funeral.
So don't use white if you are invite to a Indian wedding.
Being punctual is very German :-) but the bit about being "publicly punished" is very old. It isn't done anymore. And I don't know about the whole virgin bit either... good luck with that!
jeez - leave it to the british to objectify the rest of the world, and americans to buy it. gotta love it.
I second Orchid's comment about cleaning your plate in Japan, down to the very last grain of rice if possible. Like she said, it's the opposite in China, because the host will feel obligated to keep refilling your dish. Also, do not waste soy sauce (just pour as much as you're going to use in that little dish provided), and definitely don't pour it directly over white rice.
If given a business card, take it with both hands, read it and consider it carefully, preferably make a comment about it, and then put it in a safe place where it won't get bent or dirty.
If in a formal situation with Japanese guests, always serve or pour for other people first, starting with the eldest or person of highest position. Do not fill your own glass; someone will do it for you.
Don't give someone a gift with four parts because four is an unlucky number.
And definitely don't fart!!
Blandwagon - :D
Second Julia's comments about Germany, never heard of that punishment (?!)/kiss a virgin thing. Well, there's something like "den Markt fegen", when a non-married guy got 30 and has to sweep the market place (friends put some straw there). But that's rarely done and i guess it's more of a party thing.
I HOPE it's more of a party thing, i'm getting 30 next year ;-)
I'm German and have never heard about the 30-year punishment. However, after i moved to Denmark I discovered, that they do it big time:
When a single man/woman turns 30, their friends deliver a gigantic pepper mill constructed usually from several old oil barrels on their doorstep. It will be garishly painted and bear the words "happy 30th, name". Just to alert the whole neighbourhood to the poor victim.
Oh, and it's of course up to the victim to remove the construction - quite a task, if you live in an inner-city apartment and don't have a car. So usually the whole sight remains in the street for a couple of weeks...
In spain, I was told that one should never join a toast if they are only drinking water. I think this is actually a superstition, rather than etiquette, but on the other hand, I never met someone who didn't mention it when it happened.
In england, you always offer a brew (that's tea or coffee) when you have a guest over. I have never been in a home where it wasn't one of the first things someone asked me.
And for Caw: I grew up in midwestern USA. When you are invited to a dinner party, it's customary and polite when accepting the invitation to ask the host if they would like you to bring something, such as a small dish or bottle of wine. If, for some odd reason, you go to a dinner party without ever talking to the host first, it's polite to bring some wine. Certainly nobody considers it rude for a guest to show up with some extra food.
Also, offering to help with the dishes IS american etiquette at a dinner party, not a lack of it. It's very rude to go to someone's house and eat their food and not offer to at least help clear the table. Of course, a good host always declines this offer, but it's still rude not to make it.
I would be curious to know where you grew up that an offer to help with the mess after dinner is considered rude. This way, I can avoid offending my hosts when I visit them in other places.
1. When in Europe, it in considered to be extremely rude for impending guests (generally I find Amercians are the only ones who do this) to invite themselves to stay. (Hinting would be better.)
2. Even ruder, is that they call all the shots! This includes dates, itineraries, etc.
3. Even RUDER, is that they complain loudly about everything that is not US standard.
I have lived in US for many years so there are many American/European discrepencies of which I am very familiar. Nevertheless, PLEASE remember that whistlestop visits that are all about the guest result in bad atmosphere, visits which could have been so much more fun if they had relaxed and tuned into the environment that they were staying in, and what's more - an actual invitiation to visit (again).
In Japan, a single woman over 25 might be referred to as "Christmas Cake" -as in, no one wants it after the 25th.
I don't mind people inviting themselves to stay. I like my American friends - also friends (or friends of friends) from other countries in Europe.
(Don't really understand the bit about "US standard", lol. Are my polite US friends roughing it a bit then and not telling me.)
What about filling your own drink? When I was on a business trip in Bangalore India there was a person at the company whose sole job was to press the coffee machine button! The thing was automated already!
Also a co-worker I met there took me out to a bar and never filled the glasses from the pitcher. When I went to do it, he motioned to the waiter and said they will do it. Is this common or just my experience?
Just to add to my previous comment, I am from a culture were it is rude to let anyone's glass go empty at a gathering.
It is considered rude in the middle east and parts of India to sit with the underside of the foot showing (doesn't matter if you are sitting on the floor or with one leg crossed over the other on a chair)
Yelena- The glass "to fill or not to fill" is not an etiquette thing. Sounds to me like your host had a little "class" issue about pouring a drink himself. As for the Coffee machine, thats just "employment generation" -:)
Also never eat, give or receive gift with the left hand...and please, please (even though there are no Indian etiquette rules about it),please don't fart!
no wonder my hosts looked askance at the blackened koala . . .
Re: Japan, I don't think it's been mentioned specifically, but it's rude to eat while you are walking around; if you have a snack you should stop and eat it.
I lived in Hong Kong for a while, and the thing that cracked me up the most was that people would wait very politely and patiently in line for a train/bus/whatever... and then when it arrived it was a total free for all! So we would all wait quietly and then LUNGE for the doors of the train/bus/whatever-- it's the only way to get a seat.
In Cambodia, men can sit Indian-style but women should sit sort of sideways on their knees, as if you were kneeling but then sat down to one side. I don't know if this applies everywhere in southeast Asia.
Snort! Bland, where does one acquire said koala? Is it a live koala, dried koala or a faux ko?
(or is it rude to ask?)
In Japan...
*You should always bring your host/hostess a gift. Something from a shop nearby, "wrapped" in the bag from the store, or something that you brought from back home.
*You should always finish your rice (not doing so would be considered wasteful), but you should leave a couple bites of the other food (so that your host knows that you are full).
*At the beginning of a meal, everyone puts their hands together and says "itadakimas", which means "I gratefully receive".
*At the end of the meal, you put your hand on your full stomach and say "gochisosama", which means "thank-you for the feast".
In Brazil, it's rude to say that you're full. Rather, you should say that you are satisfied.
Personally, I hate it when guests force me to let them clean the dishes. I'm not about to fight with them and cause a scene so I just let them do it. I think offering to do it is fine, and I might let you if you're staying for more than a few days, but if I say no, I mean it.
Also, thaumatia is right about offering tea or coffee in England. That's so funny. I hadn't really given it any thought but now it is pointed out... if it is not offered I would be likely to mutter later "...they didn't even offer me a cup of tea..." or "they didn't offer me tea or anything". Very funny (esp since I may well decline the offer). ...I probably sound about 100 now.
I appreciate all of the posted information, and hope to find it useful someday. I can't speak to other parts of the U.S.A, but only to those traditions and things considered etiquette in Kentucky, which is part of "the south". Here, if you are having a dinner party or a celebration, people do not bring food, although I have seen wine or small gifts brought to the gathering. If people are to bring food, it is made very clear that the gathering is a "potluck", and then the party tries to decide who is bringing which dish. I do not think people would be offended if you brought food to a dinner party (i.e., not potluck) although they would probably be surprised. It IS considered rude to show up to a potluck without food, as the host (and everyone else) would see you as not joining in with the gathering. Also, it is considered polite in the south to offer to help clean up after the dinner (potluck or not), but no host with any class would allow the guests to help.
if someone invites me to lunch/dinner I automatically assume they are paying because thats how I was brought up. whenever we invited family or friends to go out to eat it was usually because we are paying and its always the same when they start pulling out their money my mum refuses it and says she invited them to dinner not the other way around!
-, i don't know if this is a mexican etiquette but whenever i would eat at my grandmas or certain tia's and tio's houses they would tell me to get my elbows off the table. my parents don't really care but my mum told me that it was common when she was growing up. and maybe its mexican also but during our thanksgiving and xmas dinners the men were always served first(which angered me) and could only sit at the dining table then the children and mothers could sit down to eat.
- my tia would only serve beverages after meals for some reason i think just because it happened that way a few times and they got use to it.
whenever i am a guest in someones house i try to be very polite and make sure to wake up very early because it might seem rude.
A couple of pointers on Finnish customs, which could apply for all of Scandinavia as well, at least Sweden.
-Shoes off when you go to someones home
-Flowers are a good gift for the hostess, and a packet of coffee (don't ask) is a great (and old-fashioned) gift for every visiting occasion.
-Please come on time, Finns tend to be early, even 30 mins or 15 mins early. 15 mins late is still acceptable.
-Don't ask a Finn how much money he/she earns. It's not a thing that is discussed openly.
-Eating with both the knife and fork is customary - the way I've seen some americans eat, first chopping everything to pieces and then ditching the knife and shoveling the food with the fork, is something children do.
Flowers are a nice gesture, however a harried hostess will then need to stop what she is doing or leave her guests to find a vase, fill it up, etc. A great bottle of wine is always heartily accepted in my home, as is the aforementioned flaming koala...
I was shocked to see everybody blowing their noses loudly in Germany, even during class. It's considered unpolite in Brazil, specially doing so much noise. Someone told me they do it because the real unpoliteness (is that even a word?) is to snort like you're going to swallow it - ugh! - and asked me really disgusted what we did when our nose is running.
well, just find a nearby bathroom or toilet and blow it on the sink! taken that there's no much people around - you could find an equally secluded place and use a tissue or something.
just don't do so much noise and in front of everybody, there's no need to announce your nose is running! this happened during winter, so it was very disturbing in the trains to hear that "symphony".
oh, and witchbaby, in Brazil it's rude to put your elbows on the table as well - I think it has something to do with the fact that you're supposed to be eating and not resting on the table, at least that was my mother used to yell at me whenever put my elbows on the table. but after the meal is over, it's ok.
I'm finding it strange that people of my generation (25-30) are having a hard time transitioning into attending sit-down dinner parties hosted by people of the same age. Speaking from my experience so far these are simple no brainer things I offer:
- Be punctual or call if you are going to be late.
- Take off your shoes when you enter someone's home and you are either offered slippers or see that everyone else has their shoes off
- Don't bring an opened, half drank bottle of wine from the night before
- Don't bring a cocktail mix from an event of the night before.
- Don't offer to put away dishes, you'll put them in the wrong place and the hostess will have to go back and reorganize everything. Do help clear off the table before dessert.
- Don't try to open a bottle of wine that someone else brought as a gift for the hostess.
- Don't keep asking when the main course is going to come out when the hostess is running around the kitchen like a headless chicken.
- Don't feed the dog human food unless you are given permission.
It's all just common sense....
Well in Argentina when you pass the salt, don't hand it directly to the person. You need to set it on the table and that person has to pick it up from the table. Otherwise it is bad luck.
I am not sure if it is rude to take food to someone else's dinner party but I do have to say that I have made a nice elegant dinner and had someone bring over something like jello which doesn't at all go with the dinner and I felt bad not serving it.
What do you think about kicking your guests out after dinner. I have a friend from the US living in ARgentina and when he is ready for the night to be over (maybe at midnight or 1am) he says something like "well looks like I am going to have to call it a night." Actually here that is considered very rude because if your guests want to stay to 5am, and believe me they often do, you have to let them without any hints to leave.
Another very Indian custom that will gain you points with Indian Families. If the family has the kids make sure you bring some tokens for them. Usually chocolates and candy work well. Another Indian thing is to sit down after a formal dinner. Usually you lounge and talk about work and stuff. This is usually when the drink comes out. It is totally acceptable to being some Scotch if you know the hosts drink. If the Hosts don't drink do NOT under any circumstance bring anything to drink. Even if they do serve alcohol. Also dont bring food if invited to a dinner party.