I am so distressed at the level of vitriol my fellow parents and parents-to-be are leveling at Ms. Jong. I am a young mother who agreed far more with Ms. Jong's opinions than those expressed by her daughter.

As a parent who tries to craft a parenting strategy that allows for as much support, nurturing, and attachment as possible while still accommodating my and my husband's full time jobs, I find the condemnation of this article a little much.

The overall point of the article as I read it was that parents these days seem to be constantly worried about being the perfect parent, and that there seems to be just one perfect model, that is often unattainable for a variety of reasons. Ms. Jong seemed to offer relief from that ideal by emphasizing that our children will turn out just fine if we are unable (by choice or situation) to parent to the letter of the attachment parenting model, or other models that are similar.

While Ms. Jong does seem to pick on certain strategies that have wide, and passionate, circles of followers, and they seem to be perhaps understandably defensive, the quote that you italicize seems to fit in with the overarching acceptance she is offering.

Do the best you can!

I think some of the points are valid, such as creating a mini world to avoid the real one, however I don't think attachment parenting has anything to do with creating this sub-culture. As an attachment parent I can include my children in making the world a better place.

Blah blah blah. Practically everyone I know has their kids in daycare.. Attachment parenting is pretty far from mainstream to get all up in arms about it. I did some of it (breastfeeding, cloth diapers, homemade baby food) and it was all pretty easy. We saved a tonne of money. Throw the diapers in a pail, then throw them in the washer, then the dryer and toss them in a basket when you're done. Total time invested - 5 minutes twice a week! It's not like I have to wash them by hand and iron them :) We don't even fold them.

I never understand why people make such a big deal about making your own baby food - you scoop out some of the food from dinner and give it a buzz in the blender. It's not like you're making coq au vin for the baby every night.

For me, it basically boils down to "do whatever works for you". I am a SAHM of 3 young children. I breastfed, cloth diapered and made our own baby food~all easy and no-brainers, but really I put my attention and focus into my children because that is my nature- not competition, keeping up or trying to be perfect. When I was working full-time I gave my everything to that job; complete focus, time and energy. This is absolutely no different- raising my children the best way possible is my job now and when I know something is "better" for them I do it!

I breastfeed for a while, currently cloth diaper and make my own baby food and I agree with her. I chose to do those things because they made me happy and I liked saving money. But it's a pretty niche slice of parenting life in this world and one that seems to exist more to shame other women and feel superior than anything else.

No, nellymom, it's not a niche slice of parenting "in this world". It's what's done IN THE REST OF THE WORLD daily, naturally.

She wants absolution, that's the problem. She feels guilty for travelling the world on tour while leaving her daughter with a nanny and a houseboy.

Waaaaaaaaaaah.

Carrying or wearing your child, making baby food (srsly, how hard is it to smash an avocado?), and cloth diapering are not new ideas.

In fact, parenting has gotten easier, not harder. I'm certainly not mucking out the stalls, keeping a fire going all day, harvesting the squash crop, and rubbing my clothes on rocks down by the river while I'm SAHMing.

Parenting is what you make it. If you want to whine and complain, go right ahead. Or, do the best you can and own your decisions. Don't let other people make you feel bad if you're totally okay with opening up a jar for dinner and putting plastic diapers on your kid. It doesn't necessarily indicate laziness--it could indicate a need to make some things simpler so that you can spend more time with your kids.

Do what suits you best! just don't succumb to pressure....

Hear, hear, katethegreat! I often wonder if those people who decry stuff like cloth diapering and homemade baby food have ever tried it because personally diaper laundry is just a drop in the bucket of laundry around my house and making homemade baby food is like a 30 minute a week operation if that. For me babywearing and cosleeping were solutions that made my life easier, not a hairshirt of martyr parenting that Jong seems to imply.

Professional narcissists like Angelina Jolie and Madonna want their own little replicas in addition to the African and Asian children that they collect to advertise their open-mindedness.

Wow. What a mean spirited statement! Admittedly, I don't follow celebrity news and don't really give a hoot about Angelina Jolie's personal life, but what makes Ms. Jong say such a thing? Who is she to judge other people's motivations for having children? Ugh. Turned me off completely and the rest of the article was, for me, colored by that petty remark.

I wear my baby when we go out and about because I feel like it is good for him, and for me. Also a heck of a lot easier than lugging around a stroller. We make our own baby food because it is easy, cheap and healthy. We use cloth diapers because it just makes sense (for us and for the big big world that Ms. Jong likes to think types like us are ignoring).

That is the way that WE parent. We do what is right for us, and aside from the CD issue, I'm pretty much fine with all of the different parenting styles there are. I don't care if your kids go to daycare (staying home with mine is a luxury), I don't care if you prefer formula to breastfeeding, and I certainly don't care if your baby is in a stroller rather than strapped to your back. You love your kids? Great. You parent your way and I'll do it mine. I bet they'll all turn out just fine.

Leave us ALL alone, Ms. Jong.

Agree so much with kate the great and tmoore... Ms. Jong's article is utter bs to make her feel better for her decisions...

We all have had to make decisions and stick to them despite other mothers that think their way is better. I breastfed (which by the way is more liberating than anything else - I travelled all over Europe with a 3 month old baby, smth that you could not do easily otherwise), I swaddled, I carried him in front of me, I made our own baby food, I did not do cloth diapers, I pumped until I could and baby had some formula as well, he went to daycare at 1 year old, I returned to work full time when he was 6 months old. Other mothers in the hood commented: I could not imagine going to work full time and leave him home with a nanny or daycare... Well I said; you should do what works best for you, I know this is the best for me... I personally feel mentally healthy to have input at work and then feel I can be a better parent - I pay for a very good daycare that gives him early learning possibilities that even if I tried really hard I could not do for him. So everyone parents and raises their kid the way they think is best. Don't judge anyone else Ms. Jong.

There are parts of this that resonate with me because I have become overwhelmed with all the things that I would like to choose to do for my baby (due in Jan) that I worry may not be as feasible for me.

Like many, I took on some aspects of attachment parent philosophy and rejected those that didn't fit me, my baby or my family. I don't agree with many points Erica Jong makes, but I don't believe she is whinging or trying to dictate one 'right' way to parent. She is making a counter-point to ideas that have become dominant in a lot of circles - and I think we need a diversity of opinions on motherhood! I agree with the final point she makes: "We need someone to say: Do the best you can. There are no rules."

as an OB it is interesting how parenting/child care techniques cycle through the years breast feeding/cloth diapers/home made food used to be something only lower socio-economic groups would do out of necessity. Same with with child birth anesthesia ...now "natural" labor is so strongly encouraged by some of these groups that it makes patients feel like they have failed if they have pain medicine or a cesarean section. Childbirth and Parenting is global unifiying experience but be an individual. Who gives a fig what others think.

All of these things are suppressing me and keeping me in bondage?? Really??? Frankly all these things make my life way easier. Example: Husband, while out in town: "hey honey, you want to go to Kansas City just for the heck of it (two hours away) today?" Now, if I didn't breastfeed, I'd have to go all the way home and get enough formula to feed the baby. Instead, we just go because my boobs are attached and I don't have to worry about it.

Cloth diapering saves a ton of money, cuts down on the number of diaper rashes I have to deal with and takes about 2 seconds to toss in the wash.
And making baby food involves smashing up whatever I'm making for dinner. I cook for my family which includes my child. It's not like these are two separate things (but then, I imagine she didn't cook much so maybe she's trying to absolve herself for that too..).

What a load of BS this whole article was. I have a very full life that doesn't involve being tied down to my house and believe it or not, I actually enjoy being with my child as much as I am. I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mom but I also know plenty of full time working mothers who CD, breastfeed and make their own baby food without it remotely affecting their careers.

Sounds like this woman has a major guilt complex. Why the heck would you even have a child if you're going to pawn the kid off on nannies 24/7 and basically remove yourself from any facet of their care.

(I'm not in any way bashing moms who choose to use disposables or formula...just pointing out that I think she has far more issues than just the ones she's brought up)

Wow. I understand her belief that mothers shouldn't sacrifice themselves to aim for unrealistic perfection, but the examples she uses are meaningless. I wore my babe everyday until I was 7 months pregnant with the second one, mostly because it was EASIER than a stroller. The first time I was able to go on a long hike while babywearing was SO LIBERATING. I couldn't have done that with a stroller. Same goes for Breastfeeding. No bottles, mixes, measuring cups etc...not to mention saving money. It was great to know I always had everything we needed, right on my own body. And those times I couldn't breastfeed, we did supplement with formula. No biggie.

I don’t buy the argument either- She says” Our obsession with parenting is an avoidance strategy. It allows us to substitute our own small world for the world as a whole. But the entire planet is a child's home, and other adults are also mothers and fathers. We cannot separate our children from the ills that affect everyone, however hard we try. Aspiring to be perfect parents seems like a pathetic attempt to control what we can while ignoring problems that seem beyond our reach.”

Sounds to me like cop-out and a justification for her own failings or her own insecurities about not wanting to engage in certain activities that might be beneficial for kids. My husband and I work full time and our combined income has been less than 100,000 for the last couple challenging years. I still managed to nurse for more than 10 months, we never used formula, we made our own baby food and we use biodegradable diapers that just happen to work very very well and aren’t too much more expensive than regular disposables. We recycle almost everything and only take the actual TRASH to the curb every couple of weeks when we have a full bag. We compost and grow our own tomatoes, squash, eggplant etc. I shop at Trader Joes and avoid things like dyes and added preservatives, and meat hormones for both myself (pregnant again) and my son. It isn’t the easiest way to parent but it is THAT hard either and I don’t do it to shut out all the bad thoughts… I do it because I think it will give the little boy I love the best shot at being healthy and happy- and you know what? He is! He is Happy and healthy and brilliant and a joy to be around. Does he get sick? Sure he does- and does he behave perfectly and recite the declaration of independence- no.. but he sleeps well, fights infection well and doesn’t have allergies and is a beautiful kid. I think doing my best for him makes me happy because even though I know things might be easier for me if I didn’t care so much about the little things—but I do care and that isn’t a problem for me- Sounds like it is a problem for this author…

I suppose I should clarify my statement. I don't mean that cloth diapering, breastfeeding, babywearing, making baby food (most of which I do) are a parenting-niche. What I meant was the constant over-analysis/obession with mothering perfection is the niche. The idea of the uber-mother, the earth mother, the total mother, the constant one-upping and side-swiping at mothers that we feel are taking the "easy" way out is what I feel the article was truly about and what I also can't stand. Making my own baby food was fun for me and I loved it. For my sister-in-law, that was time she could have spent taking a bath or reading, she'd rather just toss a jar in her shopping cart. Does that make me a better mother than her? No. It doesn't.

I don't buy it either.

I agree w/ KateTheGreat... It's not like these things are NEW trends. (Humans have been breastfeeding since the beginning of time. Really.)

Most of the "attachment parenting" and "green parenting" things I have stuck with were because 1) they made my life EASIER or 2) they saved us a sizeable amount of money

Sure I do some things because I think it's the best for my kids. What parent doesn't?

How are my choices somehow threatening or judging towards to others? I don't get it.

I don't think that this article is aimed at parents who pick and choose what works for them and occupy a middle ground.

Rather I think that she is talking about parents (whom I certainly know personally) who use AP as an excuse: to not work outside the home, or focus on anything but their children, or to not discipline them-- and back it up with pseudo-science.

And then the AP parents in turn make other parents feel badly, by getting all preachy/ judge-y, when the truth is that they're simply searching for rationalizations for their own choices and insecurities.

This is based on what I've seen it happen in my social circle and I think it's bullsh*t.

I think Jong has a few valid points, and others that are "reaching", but I suppose if she didn't no one would be that interested in reading or talking about her article.

I agree with the sentiment that having a support system is often what makes parenting easier and that those who are blessed enough to have a large one often don't realize how much of their "success" as a parent derives from that support system. These parents may be more apt to flippantly express how easy parenting is, how easy it is to do all the right things, etc etc, and those without a support system are wondering how they do it all and why are they so inadequate to provide the same things for their child. But i don't think that those parents that have a large support system should be made into the villains or are to blame for the fact that others are not as fortunate.

I would say that the two things I found ridiculous were the ideas of "green parenting" being a

"prison for mothers, and it represents as much of a backlash against women's freedom as the right-to-life movement."

There is so much i disagree with in that statement. I also disagree with the political, right-wing controlling women so they can't vote thing, that just seemed too "conspiracy theory" to me ;)

Like Anusha, I agree with katethegreat and tmoore.

The author's diatribe about Jolie's and Madonna's adoptions is ugly and rather presumptuous. How can anyone outside of their circles *really* know their motivations?

My son was born over 15 years ago and we chose to CD, make baby food, breastfeed, co-sleep. We did these things both because it seemed best for HIM and because I stayed home to parent which left us with an annual income of about 23K. These practices are not new. Families have been employing them for, like, ever. Food from a jar, "milk" from a canister, diapers made from plastic? These items are new.

I'll be birthing my second son next month and we plan to go the same route in baby care. Somehow I'll manage to not feel enslaved by my own choices ~snort~

Yeah. Do what works. Do what is good and nurturing for your children and fulfilling and achievable for you.
Of course, being comfortable with who you are and never feeling saddled by guilt or societal pressures is a good philosophy for life in general.
It's also a hard one to wholly succeed at, especially when it comes to parenting.
It's great that there are so many resources and ideas available to parents, but I do think there are also a lot of pressure to make the "right" choices or ascribe to a certain "parenting method."
When my nerves and doubts about "doing it right" start simmering, I look to my little one, thriving and happy, and remind myself that our utterly imperfect life is beautiful, and right.

I am a working AP mom and while I could debate Jong's article at nauseum I think the API's response to article is more than sufficient.
http://org2.democracyinaction.org/o/5590/p/salsa/web/blog/public/?blog_KEY=228

A key to AP is balance and that was completely missed in Jong's article.

Wow. I didn't even read all the comments. So why not throw mine in!

All I can say is that there is no "one right and one wrong" as far as parenting goes. What works for one set of parents, doesn't for another. What works for one CHILD, for that matter, doesn't work for another. Someone is always telling you you're doing it wrong. Some days I think I'm doing great. Some days I know I'm not. But I keep working at it, I love my kids, and I'm making choices that work for our family.

I think that's what the bulk of the comments are probably saying anyway, because for the most part, Ohdeedoh readers are a fairly reasonable bunch.

I don't want to defend the entire article, but I do think there is pressure and judgment against those who use formula and processed food, strollers, and daycare. I am glad to see the above posters say "do whatever works for you" but that sentiment is not universally shared. The judgment that is out there does hold people back.

Jong's article is fabulous! How refreshing!
She seems to be positioning herself at the opposite end of the spectrum, creating an powerfully negative argument that might come off as cynical.

The truth is, there is always someone telling mothers how to be mothers. In hindsight we always see how ridiculous it truly is, but at the time it puts an enormous amount of pressure on mothers who already have a ton on their plate. Remember Dr. Spock? Scientific Mothering? Is this really any different? I don't think so.

While attachment parenting boasts particular "superior" results in children, there is much to be said for other approaches. I quit nursing after 2 months because my son was allergic, I hated cloth diapering and use pampers, baby carriers gave me back pains and my son spent a lot of time in a bouncy chair. My son was always passed around because his family couldn't get enough of him and he was put into full time daycare at 8 months old so that his father and I could return to school. Oh, and did I mention that his father has no biological relation to him? The result: a fantastically happy, bright, smart, sociable toddler. His social and verbal abilities are above average. He is in great health, independent and is well behaved. I couldn't have asked for a better child. If this is what a near-opposite approach to attachment parenting produces, then I wouldn't want any part of those demanding practices. But somehow I still felt ENORMOUS guilt when I quit nursing, and varying degrees of guilt over other actions of mine that didn't fit into the ideal parenting paradigms right now. That's ridiculous. Mothers should not be made to feel guilty because they have different ways of providing for their children's needs.

I'm sure that a combination of green and attachment parenting could work wonderfully for some people, but it's just not realistic for many people. It seems reminiscent of the old "Infant Care" pamphlets from the United States Children's Bureau in which middle class women told working class women how to parent. Their ideals were ludicrous for women who had to work to support their children and didn't have the time nor the means to live up to middle class ideals. The spirit of contemporary parenting doctrines are just the same.

The best part of Jong's argument is that the only "Natural" and "Right" way to be a mom is your own way, by doing your best.

What I find annoying about her article is that she isn't a mother of young children anymore. What does she really know about raising kids these days? She's a nagging grandmother. What I love was that her daughter had to add the "sorry about my mother" article after it.

I breastfed and had a natural birth. And I got harassed about both of those things from doctors and other mothers. If I had bottlefed and had a scheduled C-section I would have been harassed too.

Oh no! Please don't spread misinformation about breastfeeding. Babies are not allergic to breastmilk.

Babies can be allergic to cow's milk proteins and other foods that pass through breastmilk,
Most of the time, if not all the time, the problem can be solved by eliminating the food(s) the baby is sensitive to.

Choosing between doing an elimination diet and quitting nursing is just another thing that moms judge each other on, but it's important that false information about breastfeeding isn't spread to women who need to know that there are choices.

Hello Jong? People across the world practice this kind of parenting with no labels and perfectionist attitudes; it's their way of doing the best they can. And we lived this way as humans for more than 150,000 years and suddenly cosleeping is weird or niche? Green parenting is enslavement or prison? Whatever.

And I don't need to search for rationalizations for my choices either, like some other poster mentioned above. I do my own research and base my decisions on my own thinking.

Jong is a second wave feminist who believed women were actually men with uteruses whose destiny lay outside the home. We've moved beyond that now and understand that there are many ways to be a fulfilled woman. Second wavers were all about the choice to be like men, but today we know women can choose to be ANYTHING! That includes satisfying their biological urge to nurture their children intensively. In my experience, breastfeeding on demand does not mean that women are abdicating their political power. After all, the personal is political.

We may not have it right as a society, in that we haven't yet learned to truly honour each other's choices but just because we can't always get along as a sisterhood doesn't mean mamas are neutered.

In my experience, it's usually the lefties who are more AP, not the conservatives. And, also in my experience, their parenting is an actualization of their politics.

Sorry, katethegreat, it was just a fast way to state my reason for quitting breastfeeding. I'm aware of what is involved. The point is, I had a screaming, projectile-puking child for the first two months. We tried ALL SORTS of alterations in my diet, as well as treating for reflux, all with no improvement. From the first time I tried him on lactose-free formula, I had a happy, easy going, rarely spit-upping angel. At which time I quit breastfeeding for my own sanity and the sake of not having to wash all the bedding, blankets, his and my clothes daily. He reacted poorly to milk-products that contained lactose until 18 months of age, at which time he could consume small amounts without a problem. Now he's just fine with it!

I just figured it was easier to say "milk allergy" than all this info. :)

And, to all the moms happily practicing attachment &/or green parenting:

I know that Jong was very antagonizing, her tone was cynical and she made some pretty harsh comments against celebrities. However, aside from her dramatics, I think that she's just trying to say that it's wrong to pressure mom's to fit the current trends. Some of us take the pressure more to heart than others and feel inadequate if we can't conform. And I think she's right on that point. But that doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks the attachment parenting/green parenting is WRONG (at least I hope she doesn't) because then she would be just like everyone else, saying one way is more right than another. She's just saying do your best and do it your way. And if attachment parenting/green parenting is your way, that's great! Just do it because it feels right and works for you, not because you feel the need to fit in.

PS- have you all seen Babies? Clearly parenting is a highly variable practice and great children and mothers can exist under any circumstances.

One more thing! Have you read her daughter's article that goes alongside the one being discussed here? It rounds Jong's article nicely....
http://on.wsj.com/a86rTq

Interesting article, and I have to admit that I see many of the same pressures/concerns amongst my peer group. Pressure to deliver via natural childbirth, breastfeeding until children are toddlers, buy organic food and make your own, co-sleep or not co-sleep. It does seem more prevalent amongst professional women like me, used to acheiving, and now looking for a new area in life to excel. Unrealistic expectations regarding parenting place unfair pressure squarely on women's shoulders, leaving them tired, excluded and guilty from the failure to meet unattainable perfection. Parenting is rewarding, but so is volunteering, excelling at your career, taking time for yourself, having a solid social network and being involved in the world around you. I think we sometimes forget that children learn from their parents' behavior, and we are their most influential role models. If our sole focus is our child 99% of the time, what are we really teaching them?

Yeah, I have seen Babies TWICE and read Our Babies, Ourselves. My point was, these "trends" people mock like attachment parenting are not trends all over the world; other societies still raise kids in the same way as thousands of years ago. It is WE who have gotten away from green/attachment parenting -- our roots -- so of course it looks weird and foreign to some; however, it is NOT.

I wish the media and uninformed people would stop labeling this kind of parenting as trendy or liberal or whatever.

Right on HamiltonDoula!! - " the personal is political."
Politics are involved in everything we do.
And I've become more aware of the "problems beyond my reach" since becoming a stay at home mom.

Leaving aside the bulk of what she wrote and what I think of it, I'd just like to say:

She obviously hasn't worked 1 day in a law firm. Ha!

(I think any of my fellow lawyer-moms out there will know what I'm talking about when they read the full article.)

No one can "make" you feel guilty. If you feel like your choices are the best thing for for your family on a really deep level, you will not feel guilt no matter what someone else says.

There are also SOME choices that are truly black and white. Processed foods with high sugar and saturated fat content are not as healthy for humans as whole foods prepared in a healthy way. Period. Throwing diapers in a landfill WILL cause an environmental problem. Breastmilk is a better food for babies than formula. Does that make someone a bad mother who chooses the other option? No. But the facts are what they are.

Sometimes people want to feel better about choosing the most convenient route so they get mad when the facts make them feel guilty. But this is not something that is inflicted upon us by an article, or a book. It's more about self reflection. It seems following a path in life that you know inside of yourself is right is the most important thing. If you feel like you "should" be doing something different, you probably should.

I'm not going to go through my own parenting choices here, because they have nothing to do with anyone elses. But I will say they are a big mix of what has been discussed here, and it is possible to work and have a fulfilling career and do many nurturing things for your kids.
Forget the mainstream, whatever that means, and think inside your own box.

She starts off by comparing parenting to Madonna and Angelina Jolie. Seriously... I cant help but feel she is venting out some guilt. I worked PT since my daughter was 3 m, and breast fed for two years because I knew that was best for her and me. But we didn't co-sleep because it didn't work. I think people like the Sears educate our generation whereas our parents generation didn't have so many resources but maybe had more help. I think if you stick to your internal gauge as to the kind of parent you want to be you will be ok. And like many others have said here: FATHERS are a new breed in our generation. I dont think my own father (love him) ever changed my diaper or bathed me. I do agree with her about the danger of 'substituting our own small world for the world as a whole'. The reality is much harsher... be it organic milk or bullying in the classroom.

Okay, one other point...
We all chose to have kids. I love having a wide circle of friends, an active career, working out every day, sleeping ten hours a night, etc. but it is an unrealistic expectation for me to maintain everything in that lifestyle and be involved with my kids on a day to day basis as they deserve. It would be like taking on a new job and telling my boss, "hey, I'm only going to make it into the office 8 hours per week, cause I love doing all the things I do outside of work and they really make me a better employee". Parenting is a full time job and then some, and we owe it to our kids to recognize that we need to sacrifice *some* of our outside life to be good parents. Yes, we still have date night, but not three nights a week. And my time out with my girlfriends is far less. And some of those traded hours are spent doing laundry, cleaning out potties, and vaccuming up cheerios (things I'd much rather not do). But, hey, I signed up for this job and I'm going to do it with a smile.

I just think that she sounds like a mean-spirited mother in law critiquing her daughter in law's mothering because it's different from her own. The ONLY 2 differences in this and a billion other "anti-whatever-it-is-you're-doing-with-my-precious-grandchildren" rants is a) it's in the newspaper; and b) she's Molly's mother instead of mother-in-law.

The only 2-3 sentences of it that were worth anything say something to the effect of "Do what works for you and let go of the guilt. Don't try to be perfect." Funny, I heard those sentiments first at an AP meeting. And at every AP anything I've ever been to or read. If it doesn't work for you, find what does.

And let go of your guilt whether you choose to attachment parent or you choose to jet around the world becoming a world-famous feminist, and famously say that having children is the "death of ambition" and the "death of a woman's dreams." Or anywhere in between.

I have a degree in women's studies as a matter o' fact, and while there are some writings of Jong's that I adore, I'm comfortable enough with my own parenting style to recognize this drivel and vent for what it is.

Having read both aarticles, I don't think Jong's reads like a critique of her daughter's parenting. I loved Erica Jong's article because it invited us to question ways of mothering. I loved her daughter's article because of its recognition of the challenges and choices in parenting. Neither is the right way to mother (despite how people read them); both are mothers reflecting on their experiences.

I think it is unfortunate that you all are missing the meaning behind Erica Jong's article that her daughter articulated very well:

"Ironically, it was because of my mother's hard work that I have the life I do now. She worked hard so that the women of my generation could have the choice to work or to stay home. She slept in hotel rooms in San Diego so that I could cuddle with my own children. She spoke to large groups of women in Toledo so that I could work at the school book fair. We can devote ourselves to our work, or we can decide to be 1950s June Cleaver types. And that's because of the sacrifices that my mom and her feminist comrades made.

My mother made sacrifices so that I could have choices, and perhaps that makes her a better mother than I will ever be."

I love how all of the comments on this come from self righteous parents who talk about how easy all these things are and how she's just a bad mother looking for a cop out. EXACTLY demonstrating her point.
I think it's sad that people read Mrs. Jong and somehow think it's a personal attack on mothering.
Listen, she's not telling you that you're oppressed but is asking you to think of these things on a broader societal level (I know it's hard to think outside your little house box) and think about what we're REALLY doing for our children by smothering them and devoting ourselves entirely to them at the sake of ourselves and our careers. It's not about whether making home made baby food is easy- it's about whether we should be expending such effort at the sake of all else- all else being politics, opinions and the ability to educate and provide for ourselves.You spend so much time on your children that you have no time for anything for yourself, That's what is oppressive.

I work full time; breastfeeding, cosleeping, and making baby food are all ways I can be closer to my kids. All of these things aren't a big deal-- they actually make parenting easier.

And most of it is much healthier. No bpa formula and baby food jars for us. No chemical rashes from diapers.

We do cloth diapers because it is cheap, green, and easier on the skin.

Same reason my grandmother did it the same way. Expect for the cloth. Modern cloth diapers are *so much easier* then in my grandmother's day.

I CHOOSE to be a parent. I CHOOSE to bring life into this world. And I am going to be the best parent I can be. When you have young children, your personal needs SHOULD play second fiddle. Early childhood is a short time in an adult's life. Most people are so selfish about that time. It really is okay to make young children the center of your life for a few years.

Whoa. That article is so loaded with personal baggage. I feel like it was more an emotional, cathartic vent that is personal to the author than any useful, thoughtful commentary worth sharing with Wall Street Journal readers.

I agree with the author that parents shouldn’t devote themselves to their children to the point of ruining their own lives - but how many do? Aren’t most parents reasonable enough to set boundaries, regardless of their parenting style? And why does the author assume that only “attachment parenting” or “green parenting” (which really is separate, although the author uses them interchangeable, suggesting that she doesn’t really understand green parenting) is stressful for parents? Are feeding schedules, crying children in playpens, and running out for more disposable diapers NOT disruptive and stressful?

The parents I know, including myself and my husband, came to their respective parenting techniques based on what works for them. I suppose there could be people who are so dedicated to an ideal that they miss the point of parenting, but I don’t know them.

Oops… I think Erica Jong’s stereotyping is showing!

Her point is that the modern parenting ideal is keeping women down - but that presumes that all this parenting work is being done by mothers. As a professional woman who is the primary income for my family, I would point out that the feminist movement has not been lost, but simply changed. My husband is a stay-at-home dad. A happy and amazing stay-at-home dad. He made the baby food, washed the cloth diapers, and wore the baby while vacuuming the house and preparing dinner. I’m not blind - I know that this arrangement wouldn’t have been possible even one generation ago.

Another example: Our next-door neighbor was a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping mama. She is a loving and dedicated mother who takes daughter to the swimming pool and museum. Oh, yeah, and she is a lobbyist. She has not been removed from the political activism in which she was involved before her daughter arrived.

I’ve heard this “after all we did for you, how could you drop the ball” argument before from 1970’s feminists. They need to understand that by earning women the right to choose, they earned us the right to choose to be a mother.

The article doesn't sound the least bit interesting. It sounds like the Jong turning her inner guilt into a rebellious rant.
Do what works for you! Do the best you can! Be open to ideas!
Personally I didn't have kids so that someone else could raise them, but to each their own! Breastfeeding is the best for us. I co-sleep because it works for us. We didn't do cloth diapers. We feed the kids what we eat. We're not perfect, but we do our best!
When you have kids you have to know that they do take up your time, and aren't they worth a couple of years of giving up some of your precious self indulgences. Sure, I'd love to be traveling and not be scheduling remodeling around nap time, but it's only a couple of years.
It's a choice!

how about this.... don't judge. worry about yourself. let the person to the left do what they want to do, and keep on keepin if you are doing what you feel is right and are trying your best - for your child, yourself, your family... whats right for me isn't going to be right for you. period. how so many people can and do waste time contemplating what others should be doing is unfathomable. it is akin to religious fanatics who believe thier god is the right god, the ultimate god, when in fact, its all purely opinion. just do the best you can, keep learning, and let others live they way the want to. jeez.

Writers seem to use this subject as its any easy way to get attention.

Not all moms are pressured to BF. On the contrary. Around me people make fun of it and give up right away. I made (and make) decisions as a mom based on educating myself and trying to stay true to myself. Why do some people try to make others feel bad about that?

Writers seem to choose this subject b/c its an easy way to get attention.

I think we can all agree that raising children is about educating yourself as a parent, making choices and sacrifices, and about wanting your children to grow up to be healthy and capable people.

oops! I didn't think my first comment made it to the board-It took quite some time... I look quite wordy this evening. My apologies! : )

This argument makes very little sense seeing as that the principles behind attachment parenting are intended to raise children to be more socially aware adults, who are more sensitive to others and there environments, and who are more confident in there beliefs, morals and ethics who can help to build a better world for everyone through these convictions.
If everyone raised there children with attachment parenting values, there would be less bullying, less violence, and in general more sensitivity in the world (and in the world of politics).
How can working to raise sensitive humans who are unfamiliar with violence, and more confident in themselves, have a negative impact on society?

I'm sorry...what does CD stand for? I keep seeing it in the comments.

Its easy to tell just form the comments one thing- everyone is very opinionated one way or another about parenting and basically don't want advice from anyone but themselves. And theres not a thing wrong with that!

My personal opinion, since so many shared theirs, I don't buy into the whole green parenting. About to start our family and we will breastfeed (and the only logic behind that, as far as I'm concerned is its what you're body is telling you youre supposed to do! Your body makes it cause the baby needs what it provides. Period) Our baby will eat regular food. Baby food followed by regular food. No organic, no hand blended baby foods I make. Gerbers. And they will have good ol Huggies on their bottoms. And vaccinations the minute they need them. That's not what mom A or B might do, but its what my husband and I will. It works for us and the lifestyle we lead. My mom always told me that if humans spent so long trying to develop so they didn't have to rely on simple, basic things and find ways to make their lives easier, why fight that. I kind of agree.

giggit - CD stands for cloth diaper(ing)

LOL, she's the manipulator. I'm french, she's basing her article on a french book that did a lot of noises in France, but she does worse, she transpose it to the US system wich is very differently organize, daycare is cheap, public school start at 2 and is free! Here I did have to choose not to go bankrupt to just save my CV. And she post a picture of herself in France with her daughter only 4 year older than I'm. Did she leave there? France is a country having the lowest rate of breastfeeding but still barely reach the natural reproductive rate. Are we going to be stupid enough to get teased and uncomfortable and buy her book? It's hard to get around social pressure, we all try our best and to be happy and sometimes the choice is tough and the right answer isn't the same for everybody and everywhere! I did and am pumping breast-milk for my babies and we give it by the bottle. Well they got the "healthiest milk" (although I had to do a very strict diet for my first one who had food intolerance) and I still had a lot of pressure from the pediatrician and the nurses to put my babies on the breast. They had a hard time letting me have the best of two worlds (sharing with the dad and extended family the feeding time, and still feeling doing the best milk choice while cheapest too) and I did have to fight for this choice. Cloth diaper makes environmentally and cost wise the better choice for us, especially with two kids close in age. Pain free birthing would have been my choice, but no anesthesiologist manage to do anything in 45 min and then 16 min in the middle of the night, I'm just glad I spend some time in yoga class staring at whose for whom it was a choice to go naturaly, because it did help me. I glad I'm close to my kids, that I sacrificed a bit my career not to have to go through infertility treatment. I've only two kids, I'd like a third and maybe fourth later, I'd like to adopt them, but it's so expensive! Why shall I feel bad wanting more than 2 while people have tone of pets that pollute as much? While shall I paid tone of money to have kids while I can have mine and lower somebody sterile chance to get one? Why can I have more kid that will work and paid taxes and send some contraception devices to the third world, that they won't use and have more than 2 kids? Yes it's hard to be open-minded, tolerant, to think planet wise when we are in recession, in in social crisis and with little hope to retired one day? If I'm going to work all my life for little money, sacrificing a lot to save the planet, having less kid that I want, I might as well enjoy the early childhood of the two I have and take my time to be happy!

thanks tmoore!

What would be the consequence of Jong's thesis? Let my kid chew on phtaltes and PAK conterminated toys?

And, if you sum up and concentrate on all the issues and problems in the world -you want to protect your child from- it's highly likely that you end up not having children at all.

40 years ago every mother did what the pediatricians were telling everybody at that time.

In 2010 if you are a mother, you gather information, do research after research and make a decision that fits your lifestyle, values and your child. Or just do whatever your friend next door does. It's about information and choice, not about the one and only right way of parenting. Because there is no such thing.

Its not really about baby food and diapers, or attachment therapy.

I'm looking at all of this from a different perspective. I had my kid at 25 by choice. I didn't feel it was right for me to put off having kids until "I've lived". My goal was and still is, to mother by example. I made sure that my "village" (made up of family members) was in place to allow me to have the best of both worlds. I clearly still remember my own parents working very hard to provide for us, and how my grandparents were ALWAYS there for us. And I would say that is what gives both myself and my brother our strong family loyalty, work ethic and desire to be the best people we can be.

I don't see how dedicating all your attention to your children would not create issues of self entitlement for them in the future. And for all those moms who think that being "there" for your kids is a 24/7 job... yes, beating your kids is obviously bad, and feeding them at McDonalds is also bad. But being there 24/7 does not guarantee that they will grow up to be "better adjusted individuals", it is 50% genetics and the rest does not require 24/7 mommy supervision. Having a "village" will do that for them just as well.

In your 30s (this is the median age for moms these day) you've been around the block a couple of times, you've traveled, made money, etc etc etc. Some have a house, maybe even some savings. Majority are still in the same boat is parents in their 20s. So you're bored with it all and want to focus on being a mom.

So before you say that you're doing this for your kids, be honest and admit that you're doing this for YOU. And this is not the "BEST" or "ONLY" way to do it. My kid is a lot more adjusted than MANY of the children her age we know. And I would say it is 80% genetics, that's just how she is.

I don't have an answer for those who do not have "a village". Many of my friends do not. And their children are less adjusted than mine. Many new grandmas prefer to go to the gym/get their hair done, etc, than help out mom and dad with childcare. Shame on them. I wonder why nursing homes are so popular.

There. That's my rant.

"I never understand why people make such a big deal about making your own baby food - you scoop out some of the food from dinner and give it a buzz in the blender. It's not like you're making coq au vin for the baby every night." - so true :-)

It's the esoteric vs the exoteric. You can't teach smart!

A late comment, but here it is. I don't think Ms Jong's issue was what people individually choose to do, but that we're told we are crippling our children (emotionally, intellectually, or physically) by NOT doing all of these things. The last thing a parent wants is to make a lifestyle choice that will harm their children's futures, so we end up trying to do everything we *think* will make a difference and feeling guilty about items we have to let slide. That leaves very little time for anything else, especially if you have little to no support community when raising your kids.

I think the attitude Ms. Jung has plays down the job that dedicated stay at home parents do, and ignores the advantages. It's that attitude that gives the impression that parenting is not a real job. Raising your children properly and with care IS contributing to the world.

As far as pressure to BF and cloth diaper etc, what pressure? I still feel like that type of parenting is in the minority in most cultures, and I found those practices in some cases to make my life easier or in some other cases just improve the process of parenting.