You could institute a by invitation only policy

I think your problem is in this very conflicting statement: "We live in a 4 room apartment. Blocking off access to our bedroom means the living space for my kids is reduced by 25%. Do you live in a small space? Is your bedroom off-limits to kids?"

Is your bedroom living space for the kids? Or is it your living space for you? Do the kids get displaced to the living room if there are guests? If so, it's contradictory for your bedroom to be off limits to them. If they're allowed to play in their room unimpeded and are given privacy in it, then your bedroom should be given the same boundaries.

Why the all-or-nothing thinking?

There's a happy medium between not allowing your kids into your bedroom at all, and letting them jump on the bed, watch tv and eat crackers! Of course your 3-year-old shouldn't feel free to go into your room by himself and remove a drawer. Can't you set sensible limits?

Agree with charlie26, it needn't be all or nothing. I have two little kids who do come in the bedroom and do normal kid things, but they understand that it's mommy and daddy's room and that if we ask for privacy they are to give it! If they bring toys or books in, they are responsible for taking them back out when they leave so it doesn't become a kid dumping ground. If they mess something up, they clean it up.

What constitutes your 4 rooms; LR, Kitch, 2 BRs? Your BR door could be closed / off limits when your 3yo knows you're not in there and in cases with company. The kid's BR, LR or Kitchen should be enough area for play while you entertain near by. It can't be 100% off limits, but there shouldn't be anything in your BR a kid (or anyone)needs to get into bythemselves.

I would agree with the by-invitation policy. The important thing to remember is you are setting expectations for later phases of their lives - and possibly in other homes with more space in future. Pre-teens hit a phase where they need a quiet space to do homework w/o distractions, and privacy too. So instituting a "knock before you enter" rule aka invitation only policy makes sense not just now but for future. Especially in a small space, a little bit of privacy helps everyone.

Also, may want to put anything personal along with anything hazardous in a non-kid accessable place.

We don't eat in the bedrooms - any of them - and we also don't have tv in them. There's nothing to play with other than the bed, so that greatly reduces the appeal of our bedroom. And that's good. :)

Charlie, my thoughts exactly. Sounds like you need to enforce some rules: drawers stay put; no eating the bedrooms and definitely no jumping on the beds (really? you allow this?)

Neither my parents' nor my grandparents' bedrooms were "off limits" other people's drawers and personal items very much were. I also don't remember the bedrooms being a particular draw--probably because they were not viewed as playrooms by anyone.

I think parents who ban the kids from the bedroom are missing out on one of the great joys of parenthood. Your three year old didn't do anything but access something that was completely accessible... and pretend to be a forklift at the same time (that's a good thing!). It's too bad your neighbor didn't react with more sense of humor.

Lesson learned: lock up the personal stuff with the pharmaceuticals, precious treasures and other items that you have out of kid reach already. And let your boy explore!

I rather like the balance my parents struck with us as children - their bedroom was accessible by invitation/permission ONLY.

This meant that Sunday mornings could be spent snuggling and reading books in the big bed, but it also meant that going through their drawers (or, ahem, pretending to be a forklift with them) would never have remotely crossed our minds as something acceptable to do.

ITA, I have a knock first policy. The kids were and still are always welcome to come in for a snuggle, but they need to knock first. If they are playing outside of our LR, they are encouraged to do so in their bedrooms. There isn't a lot to play with in my room, besides the bed/trampoline.

Despite this, one of my kids' fondest little-kid memories is of playing spaceman in my bed. They get the memories, without having been given unrestricted access to the space. Mom needs a little privacy too!

My maternal grandmother allowed me to do anything in her room while my mother was the exact opposite--I rarely was allowed in her room. The weird thing was it felt odd seeing everything my grandmother had while I still feel like I do not know who my mother was. As a child all i did was want to get in but now I wish I saw less of grandma and more of mom. I suppose a happy medium would have been best. For my daughter (who is only 2) we have an invitation only poilcy. we'll see how this evolves as she gets older. but let it be known that we also live in a small apartment so the invitations usually come on days when we are stuck inside.

I think we had more of an unspoken rule of respecting other people's space. Maybe when we were very young there was some kind of actual rule/invite-only policy, but I can't remember one.
Even now thinking of going in to my grandparents' room seems like a violation of privacy, though I was never told NOT to go in.

There wasn't really much draw to my parents' room anyway. They were always up earlier than us, so there weren't any morning snuggles. They didn't have a TV or toys or anything fun, so why would I want to play in there, unless they were in there folding laundry or something? If the door was shut, we knocked.

Being siblings, we strictly enforced privacy in our own rooms: I wasn't allowed in my sister's room without permission. Pretty sure she raided mine from time to time, but it was usually an active attempt to annoy me.

It's a cute story, and that's what having kids is all about! They grow up so fast, you will find the humour in it one day. My advice is to not take it seriously! You will likely be telling this story at his wedding in the not-so-distant future. And who cares what the neighbours think about your personal items anyway??

Remember that your kids are much smaller than you, which means your "small" apartment seems huge to them.

That said, I agree with all of the hybrid solution people. Yes, it's great fun to play with kids in the master bedroom, but kids also need rules, and "respecting another person's private space" is a big one.

While reading this I was recalling the all too many times over the years that other people's children have walked right into my bedroom, entered restrooms without knocking, & opened cabinets/drawers while at our house...

We have an "every closed door; every time" knocking policy. Our bedroom is off limits to our son without permission & we respect his space in turn.

It's okay to ask for privacy/personal space; even from your children. ♥

Small living is small living. The kids won't die if they can't go in your bedroom. You are a human being, not just a parent, and thus are worthy of some privacy. I hate it when parents give up all their own needs in favor of their children's wants!

Learning to appreciate and obey reasonable limits is part of living responsibly.

We have policies in our house as we have five children (two now grown).
Bedroom doors are generally open, if open and someone is in the room, feel free to come on in.
If no one is in the room, you don't go in without permission and you never go through drawers, closets etc without express permission.
If the door is closed, knock.

We were only allowed in my parent's bedroom when one or both of them were home. And some how, they always knew when we broke the rules!

I have to agree on finding a middle ground...in our family, we would occasionally wander into our parents' room or around our grandparents' house to look at (and maybe handle) what was in plain sight, and I do think that was one way of getting to "know" them better. However, it was done with a sort of reverence... no actual snooping or leaving anything out of place, and we'd have never thought of eating or jumping, etc. Kids do need to learn these things by rules or example, but I think it was also partly natural because the rooms were immaculate and formal. If a parent room looks about the same as a kid room I'm sure it's harder to feel the difference.

I was not allowed in my parent's room when I was young without them being in there and for the most part, I was not allowed in there. It was the adult's room. I usually follow that rule but still invite the kids once in a while. It is just the way that I grew up and I value my personal and grown up space.

Our situation is a bit different. With the exception of a very scary night where we had a toddler with an emergency room high fever, none of our kids have so much has sat on our bed.
Our house is bigger than a 4 room apartment, but its not cavernous. We have our room, the kids room a living room thats mostly off limits and a diningroom/kitchen area that we hang out in together.
Keeping the kids out of our bedroom cut's down on their space a bit, but they have plenty of room to play.
I have found, that with 3 kids between the ages of 2 and 3, I need some space that is just for the adults for my own sanity, and when I am feeling sane(er) I'm a better parent.
Worth the trade off in my book.

I don't remember what the rules were when I was a small tot, but the general rule of my parents' was that if the door was open you were free to come in, but if the door was closed you should knock and wait to be told to come inside. In general I think that's a good rule for children to learn, and part of that is, imo, respecting the same rules for your childrens' rooms once it's age appropriate.

We live in a 1,200 sq ft apartment with five kids, ages 13 months to 15 years. The baby sleeps in our room, but all other kids need to ask permission before entering. We always grant permission, but they MUST ask, and they knock even when the door is open. And I don't hesitate to kick them out if they follow me in, even if I'm just using "I'm putting away my laundry" as an excuse for a two-minute break. Teaching them boundaries at home makes it easier to teach them boundaries in other places, where a rummaging toddler might be even more embarrassing!

I don't know why you're asking this question. If you want your kids in your bedroom, let them in and make it clear what they are and aren't allowed to play with. If you don't want them in, close the door and tell them not to go in. Personally, I am not too concerned about having a private space within the home, and it has much to do with how I grew up. I slept in my parent's room until I was 3, then shared a room with my sister. And one of us kids (including myself, as a teenager) always shared a room with our grandmother, who lived with us. My youngest child slept in my room until she was 4.

I would say it is general decency to agree to always knock/by invite only for kids and the master bedroom and if you're not in there, they're not even allowed to consider going in.
My brother nor I were never allowed to go into our parents' bedroom as kids if they weren't there or didn't ask us. Furthermore, going through their things was 100% off bounds. I wasn't even allowed to play with my mom's jewelry in her jewelry bowl on the dresser.

These days, I am now 20 and my brother is 14 we are allowed to go in their room - as they have a charging station on their dresser and they have an en-suite bathroom which we're allowed to use to go to the bathroom or for me to steal handcream ( I don't live at home anymore) This is only because the living room is next to their bedroom.
Although now it is an open-door policy, we still have to ask for permission to take or look for anything (as they also have other things stored in there)

I was never allowed in my parent's room, and it saddened me greatly. I never felt like I really knew my mother. WTF? So, our daughter is welcome in our room. She knows to knock when the door is closed.

Oh my gosh... Is it wrong that your story made me laugh out loud?

I've never really thought about making my husband's and my bedroom off limits to the kiddos. They'd probably wonder why the dog and cat are allowed in, but not them. And then they'd probably come in anyway... which is cool with me. We have a king-size bed. I wish *I* were small enough to jump on it. But if I can't, at least I can watch my kids do it. And there's no way I'm missing out on family cuddles every morning.

We have a 4 room apartment and my children are definitely not allowed to go and play in our room. Its true that they are occasionally invited in for a cuddle or a story, especially on a Sunday morning or in order to look in the 'big' mirror, but I draw the line on them using it as one of their play areas. I want to be able to go into my room at night and find it clean and orderly, I don't want to have to worry about them getting white bedding dirty or accidently ruining expensive clothing. I also feel pretty strongly that it is MY personal space and this is especially valuable in such a small living space. I would like to think that, conversely, I am respectful of their space and let them have their toy 'towns' set up for long periods of time without disturbing them, I let them tape their special drawings to the wall and generally arrange the room as they see fit. Its about being respectful of one another. Its a very important lesson in respecting other people's things.

Are you all not a family? then why such a strong need for personal space? Food i totally understand....we don;t allow food anywhere except the kitchen and occasionally in the living room...but how can you keep your kids out of your room? If they bring in toys...make sure they take them back to where they belong....and like everyother space in the house - keep non kid friendly stuff out of reach....as simple as that!
But please don;t create such boundaries....it is just sad! they will be gone before you know it!

Single mom with two kids and a small apartment here. I allow my kids to play in my room whenever they want, largely because I grew up in a home where everything was so strict, regimented, and restricted, that I tend to lean in the opposite direction. I think there are lots of good points in the comments, however.

I think it's a matter of personal preference and there's no right or wrong answer to your question. The size of your home is of no consequence. Set the boundaries you want to set and firmly enforce it. You're the parent after all.

As for my husband and I, our bedroom door is always open. Our 7 and 5yo boys will at times come in and climb in with us in the middle of the night or in the early morning hours for various reasons. Sometimes, we cuddle up together until it's time to get up. Other times, we will lead them back to their room and cuddle there until they fall asleep. We have a no jumping on any bed rule for safety reasons. But they are kids so they will do it when my husband and I aren't looking. We almost always eat at the kitchen table but once in a while we will have a 'picnic' on the floor or in front of the tv. We never eat in bed. I would guess that this would be hard to enforce if your kids know you eat in bed. The kids share a bedroom and play in the playroom and living room.

Kids do grow up fast and you will recall the drawer incident fondly when your child is grown. If your neighbour doesnt see the humour in it, then that's his/her problem.

Set up boundaries that is right for YOUR family.

They have their room- I don't play there- and I have mine.

I don't like anybody but my husband and I in my bedroom. We are expecting, and the little one will stay in there until able to be in their crib and as they get older, they don't get to share our bed. You need healthy boundaries and personal space. Not like they get punished for going in there, but generally they will know that there isn't an open invitation to sleep or play in there.