apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Love the coats for cubs idea! I didn't know about them. I have some old inherited furs and will consider this for sure.

My position on things you don't want: the person who gave them to you probably doesn't want you to hang on to stuff you don't love. Find someone else who will love it and feel good about passing on the goodies. I held on to a bunch of stuff for years and learned much later that my grandmother always hated the dining set I'd inherited. I sold it on Craigslist and Gram and I couldn't have been happier.

The point is, we assign a whole lot of emotion to things, sometimes misplaced. Separate the thing from the person or the memory. Take a photo of the thing if you must, and pass it on.

Well said, kimg924...

One thing (of too many to count) that I loved about my Grandmother is that if I were to see something in her house that I loved, she would give it to me right then and there, pointing out that she'd rather give me something she knew I'd love for years to come now, instead of having me be stuck with something I had distaste for later. It's a simple theory, but one that has stuck with me long after she passed.

Emotion is more about the memories you create while you have the time, rather than the useless things you hang onto for the sake of someone's feelings.

I would say most if not all of the "heirlooms" I have are hand-me-downs by request. One of the last things I asked for, however, was a bell in the shape of a woman I remembered at my old grandma's house and had seen was tucked in the bottom of the china cabinet at my mother's. Without looking at it again real closely as an adult, I asked my mom if I could have it. The lady bell is real mean in the face! Another thing I asked for was a gold mesh change purse that my mother had accused me of playing with and losing almost 30 years ago. I knew it would turn up eventually and my mom brought it over this past Thanksgiving. Score!

My parents HATE when I want to thow "heirlooms" away. (Most of the stuff is just packrack stuff) I cannot stand living with crap I don't want in my house - so I give it back to them. If they love it so much, they can keep it. They're happy with their stuff, I'm happy I don't have it anymore.

I've dealt with this problem soooo many times in the past few years! Recently, while looking at something I'd inherited and wondering (yet again) what to do with it, I could almost hear my grammy, looking over my shoulder and saying, "That old thing?! Why are you hanging onto that??!!"

Yeah, as DialJforJake said, it's all in the memories you have of that person. The things are just ... things. If the thing has monetary value, I'm betting the person who owned the thing would rather we have use of the money.

If I don't love it, I give it away. We don't have a lot of storage space to begin with and I can't justify holding onto things I'll never use. I've even started a box of things to give to Goodwill with the presents I received this past Christmas that I don't want/need--mainly little chotchke things from co-workers or clients. I feel a little guilty (and unappreciative) about giving away new items that they cared enough to buy for me; but at least I take comfort that if someone buys the item at the thrift store, it will be appreciated.

I'm stuck somewhere between not wanting to be insulting and not having the money for something new. we have this huge heavy credenza that, in a home would look very elegant and distinguished, but in our 1 bedroom, it looks well, HUGE. Not to mention the equally gigantic TV that sits on top. Both from my SO's family. and they are the kind of family that would rather keep it in the garage than let it go outside the family. So fine, we have a nice big TV and a matching stand. That is of course, just two of the many "heirloom" pieces we have. The other is my very least favorite- a cat tree that is actually in the shape of a tree! cool right? well it would be if 1- the cat actually used it for something other than jumping on my new leather couches. 2- the cat scratched the tree instead of my NEW LEATHER COUCHES which now have pinholes all over the arms, the bed, the desk chair, the walls, etc- you get the idea. 3- that 3x3ft space I could use for well, ME. So that I can have a place for all my stuff, or a desk, or an extra linen closet.

-sigh- thank you all for listening. I needed to vent that anger in which I've been stewing all night and morning.

Cat stewardship is a tough road to take when you're trying to keep the home together. I inherited an awesome love seat from my mom and my cat, who has never bothered furniture before, went to town on the arms.

I've got lots of "stuff" from the U.K. my mother left me as she was a British immigrant. It's nice, absolutely not my style and I am a guy who doesn't do to well with Victorian era pieces. I offered some of it up to younger relatives in the UK, but they seem disinterested. Shame to have it dead end in an obscure antique store but I guess that's the way of it...

I had been given two complete sets of dishes, grandmother and great grandmother, in addition to two sets I already had. I packed the boxes around for years and then decided that I would keep only a cup and saucer from each set (as a memento in my Life Chest) and I sold one set at auction and the other set went to my sister. Thank you Sis!

hah..oneformybaby...!!! It's all very visual..I started to lean back in my chair while reading..the fuming going on!!

oceandreamer56..very well and kindly said...I believe that as well...it sounds so nice and grammy-ish!

My mother-in-law gives me stuff she can't bear to throw away, knowing that I will throw it away. It's an arrangement we both like. If she really doesn't want it to go to the Salvation Army, she says, "If you get tired of it, just bring it back," and I do.

That plate reminds me of a set of wineglasses in a friend's parents home. They bore the family crest, which was a fish sticking out of a bucket. They made me chuckle every time I walked by them!

Grace, it doesn't sound like your "heirlooms" are bringing you any joy - so why not take a photo of them and then let them go somewhere where they will bring joy? Clothes and trinkets could go to a theater group, a homeless shelter, a Freecycle participant, or many others.

Oneformybaby, can you give the items back to your SO's family, explaining that they just don't work in your place? If they choose to store them in the garage, that's sad - but it's their choice. Right now they seem to be creating a toxic atmosphere in your home, and I hate to see that. No matter what else you get as a replacement, it will be better than the current situation.

My mom handed me a bag of things at Thanksgiving and I politely declined. She was a little hurt, but we talked about lightness of living, and not clinging to objects and she felt better. She sometimes forgets that not everyone has a house - that you can fill with stuff. Apartment living needs to be lean and minimal (IMO)

Laura Ingalls Wilder is my favorite person ever! The plate is ugly, but I'd still kill to have it. I have a rock that I pulled out of Plum Creek on Laura's land. I'm a geek!

The only family heirloom piece I have is a gravy boat with gold trim and a piece of wheat on it. It was my great grandma's, and it's the only surviving piece of the set. I keep it smushed away in a back cabinet. I've used it once in 5 years.

I would very rarely dream of giving/throwing away any of our family heirlooms. granted, I'm lucky and my ancestors had pretty good taste and bought quality pieces, but still... if something isn't my taste, I'd rather give it to another relative or store it for a while until I have a change of heart. I know my mom got rid of a few pieces in the 80's when she thought she'd never want them again and now she wishes she had them.

however, I also don't think the term 'heirloom' applies to anything remotely old that's sitting around. to me, it has to be somehting special, a high quality piece with history behind it. just because your great grandma was a pack rat, (and kept every little tourist trinket she picked up), doesn't mean you have to be.

I think if you do decide to give away something with a story behind it, write a little note to go with it (i.e. this chest traveled in a covered wagon from texas to california in 1856). I love knowing where pieces came from and I think others might enjoy the same.

dewonangus, that reminds me!!

on my list of things to do this year is unpack the Vignaud china I inherited, put it in my buffet, and USE it. It certainly isn't doing me any good sitting stored in bubble wrap, and believe you me, that china you think is so valuable that you don't dare use it for fear of breaking a plate? I'll bet you ten bucks it's not worth 1/2 what you think it is. Unless it's spectacularly rare and in nearly unused condition, Antique china resale is actually about 1/4 the selling price, if that. Call replacements.com and they'll confirm it.

So use your china! or give it to someone who will.

I wish I liked my Vignaud better than I do... I'd choose something very different. Which is another reason to get what you like and get rid of what you don't. Who here doesn't use their "ABC" because they don't like it, but won't justify a new "ABC" they already have one?

I just moved into my first place and so a lot of the "stuff" I came into was desperately needed and wanted. While home for Christmas I went through the house with my mom pulling out all of the "stuff" she'd inherited but never really used, mainly kitchen things and servingware. It was a lot of fun because she got to tell me the stories behind a lot of the things as we sorted through, including the things she was definately going to keep. I took a bunch of stuff, and now that she had re-homed a bunch of things to someone she knew and cared for she felt better about donating the rest. Plus, sorting through it all gave her a good chance to do like re-fold the quilts things that preserved the quality of the truely treasured heirlooms.

My grandparents also came over with a bunch of stuff from their cabinets or their deer camp. While I could decline things from my mom or grandma my grandpa is a bit of a hoarder so I accepted anything he was giving away, as it makes his life easier and he truly does put a lot of thought into what he gives away. I tossed things that couldn't be salvaged, donated what I didn't need, and kept a few quirky items that I've repurposed. There were three sets of mixing bowels in the lot so the extras have become plantars, and a bunch of the fantastically vintage, home-made kitchen towels and pot-holders he gave me imagining a practical purpose have been hung as art.

Luckily for me, my family doesn't expect me to hang on to heirlooms I don't actually like. They know how small my place is...and their (big) place is overflowing with stuff. I've decided not to junk up my home with things I don't love, and I'm hoping I can convince them to do the same.

BTW, on behalf of animal lovers, THANK YOU for mentioning Coats for Cubs.

From the Coats for Cubs website:

"Many of us have fur apparel that we no longer want or that was left to us by a family member. Some aren't comfortable selling it or giving it to charity, because they feel people should not wear animal fur."

Yep, cute little animals and your own privilaged sensibilities trump charity to the poor. What a misanthropic civilisation we've become.

put yourself up for adoption on ebay. specify in the listing that your new family must have impeccable taste and priceless heirlooms.