apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

How about sticking to basics like:

1) Avoid tall arrangements so that people can easily make eye contact across the table

2) Light music so that there is no dead air, but no so loud that people have to shout

3) Spacing seats comfortably close to each other

The last couple get-togethers we threw included people who didn't know each other (and people WE didn't know), so we planned conversation makers - "Name our kitten" and "Write something nice about the bride" come to mind. Everyone was asked to contribute, and they were read aloud as the evening progressed. Lots of fun, and good to get the conversation going.

I think these are all good suggestions. Sometime sit;s just hard. Even with people you know well things can get stale and you need to mix it up a little.

Love the idea of the photographs, especially if the guests have never seen them before.

Or just invite an Irish person or two

@idontdobeige--What are you implying?

@amelia_atlantic - conversation is never a problem when you have Irish people around the table (I'm Irish myself, but it's not just me!)

A long time ago I found this set if dinnerware that had etiquette written on it- like scrolling around the edge of the plates, on the bottoms of the bowls- and the rules were really absurd; I don't know if they were real or not. But they were really entertaining and now I can't find them anywhere; wish I'd bought them.

Ohh I just hate contrived conversation starters like these.

During a lull in Christmas dinner one year, my mom announced the game "name your favorite Christmas memory." It was so formal for our rather casual gathering that we've never let her live it down.

Instead of having to invent conversation out of thin air, leave things out around the house that may spur guests to start the conversation:

What are you reading? Leave it on the coffee table -- not in the bedroom. Leave out photo albums or stacks of recently printed photos. What DVDs have you been watching? Don't put them away -- put them in a neat stack on a side table. Encourage guests to skip songs on your playlist if they're not in the mood for a song -- they may see songs, bands, and albums on your computer that they'd love to talk about.

For the record, my mom cornered our family with the "best Christmas memory" question one year and we hated it too. It seemed contrived at the time, but to each his own. I also like the more subtle conversation starters (like personal books, CD's, photos out to view) but not everyone is comfortable with that. Something like the place maps and the fun framed photos on the table seem like a decent compromise between contrived and convenient.

i too hate these ideas. i don't understand the kind of person that would enjoy them. if you're naturally talkative, you don't need them. if you're naturally shy, you'll tense up and not have an answer to any of the questions.

i would just learn a few key conversation starting questions, like, i dunno, "what kind of underwear is everyone wearing?" or "what does everyone think of this portrait of robert e lee i painted?" you know, normal stuff.

Simple - don't invite people who are not able to start and carry on intelligent dinner conversation. These crutches are pathetic.

yep, the irish are good for good conversation. and fistfights.

dcirene -- I must agree. People do not to go down the path of forcing a conversation if they invited people they actually know, would set the place up at least temporarily for a good conversation, and would just consider not even having a centerpiece since it does nothing but get in the way.

akay -- I must agree with you too. The book I'm reading stays on the coffee table - call it the centerpiece if you will - LOL. There is also a small stack (less than three) on each end table to give people something to talk about. I keep framed photos of my family up in the main areas of the place - I know shame on me, but I love them and I love to see them. I like to use pandora radio online - then people can add songs to a station and it ends up playing music everyone likes.

I think conversation starters can be really useful, especially, for larger parties. I don’t always know everyone that I invite over that well (e.g., new friends, friends of friends, spouses of clients etc.) and I often invite people from various facets of my life such as colleagues, new acquaintances, old friends, neighbors etc. to get togethers. They are generally capable of intelligent conversation, but often have different interests and need a nexus for connecting. Without some neutral conversational ground to start them talking, they collect in their own groups or cliques (e.g., my office mates together, my riding friends together and so on). Moreover, many people, while not being shy, are hesitant with new people at first. They will talk, however, once they get going. The conversation will then flow into more natural topics.

PNGuin, part of the art of being a great hostess is to find out about new guests beforehand or upon arrival and introduce them to people with common interests (or seat them accordingly if it's a dinner party). This also works great for breaking up cliques - although they are not necessarily a bad thing per se.

I think they're adorable.