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I don't welcome them. They can go stand in the yard if they need a break. Make it clear up front that your home is a no-smoking zone.

Uhm... is this really an issue for people? I have MANY smoker-friends and none of them would dream of lighting up in anyone's home without asking. Even when we were in college, drinking at parties, they always headed outside to light up unless there was a designated area where smoking was okay.

And seriously... them feeling "uncomfortable" is worth your health. If they're really your friends they'll understand that you don't want their lingering stank in your home. I smoked for years and even then, never felt uncomfortable that I had to step outside to do so.

I don't have any friends who smoke, thank goodness. I'm still somewhat bitter from helping take care of my uncle as he was dying from lung cancer (and he quit cold turkey the day he found out). I'd be happy to tell you how hard it was to be eighteen and out of school/unemployed and one of the caretakers for your dying uncle with whom you lived. It was five of the worst months of my life, and it was extremely hard on my whole family.

That's about the kind of reception smokers visiting me can expect. It's their choice, but if they get lung cancer, it's their loved ones who will go through a living hell with them.

And off my soapbox of bitterness.

I have a couple of groovy vintage ashtrays and a pair of chairs out on the balcony for folks who smoke.

i would just tell them to stand outside...and that i better not find any butts on the ground!

it would be hard for me to openly make somebody comfortable when smoking...watching somebody die because of it is the hardest thing ever, and knowing that i helped them along by providing a smoking haven would make me sad.

You can welcome them. My father smokes and there is a great spot on the patio with an ashtray for him.

So if you don't want butts on the ground Erin, provide them with some means for disposing of them. Like an ashtray... or even a coffee can. Some people smoke. It might even be one of your friends. So will you really treat your friend so unkindly? I happen to think that personal car use in an urban environment (as opposed to public transportation) is as dirty, unhealthy, and morally suspect as smoking. But when friends drive to my home I don't give them the cold shoulder, I don't lecture them about their driving, and if they ask 'Where can I park in this area without being towed' or some such question, I don't tell them to take the risk as punishment for their own risky behavior. I point them to the nearest spot.

People smoke. Get over it.

I quit not too long ago. Even when I wasn't quite trying to quit yet, I appreciated being hassled by friends and took it as it was meant- caring for my health. Now we only have one last friend who smokes. No one feels bad hassling him about it.

I think there can be mutual consideration between a smoking guest and a non-smoking host when they're in your own home. One would be best to offer a way for someone to dispose of cigarette butts and a designated area for someone to smoke. But it would also be equally polite for a guest to respect that the host may not welcome smoking in their homes for a variety of reasons including health and hygiene, and get their fixation out of the way before visiting another's home. Imposing a habit onto another is as unfair as being lectured.

My mother smokes. She is welcome to smoke in my carport. She pockets her butts and disposes of them at her own home.

I have very few friends who smoke, but those that do are aware and courteous of others with their habit. I find people who I don't know are also pretty accommodating. But I'm just from friendly old Brooklyn, NY.

"If you would like to smoke, please step out onto the balcony." I leave an ashtray (or makeshift substitute - like an empty metal coffee canister) for their use.

Smoking is rude. It's just like yelling. I don't know why people think you can't smell the smoke past a few feet. It's a gross smell, and my home or yard didn't smell that way before the smoker(s) arrive. People who live in my building do smoke, they smoke in the yard, under my window, walking their dogs. I can smell smoke from smokers in the adjacent yard, up to my 3rd floor apartment. When I come home, and people who are sent out to smoke or just feel like taking their phone calls outside are perched at the walkway, or along the walkway, where I have to pass to enter my building, I can smell that.

I guess I'm sick of having to be nice to smokers. They're not that nice. I used to smoke, and I know I wasn't that nice, and now I wish I had been. How do you welcome non-smokers? How come the questions are never framed this way?

i think the issue for *most* of us, myself at least, isn't that people smoke, but that they would be so brazen as to light up in someone's home... and the idea that we should accommodate them doing so.

i send my guests outside, where there is always a coffee can or ash tray for them. this is no problem. this post, however, seems to imply that it is a courtesy to your guests to allow them to smoke in your home.

Also smokers, when they come back in from their break outside, themselves smell, and their clothes smell and then they want to sit that smell all over my couch and waft it all over my home. Well why do you want to do that? How is that being a good guest?

Are there any smokers left who think it's okay to smoke in a nonsmoker's home? I have friends who smoke, but no one has ever presumed that it would be acceptable. They go outside to the courtyard, just like my husband does.

I live in the back of a small apartment building. I have a few friends who smoke whom I ask to go to the street if they need to light up, as only one person in our small complex smokes and I don't want to be the neighbor that has friends smoking under others windows. My friends understand, which I greatly appreciate, as not all smokers are so gracious.

I just can't get over that a television show has inspired you to accommodate smokers with elegant accessories and panache. What else has it inspired you to do? Sexually harrass your office assistant?

as an occasional smoker, thank you to davidasposted, arza, gregory, bepsf, atomicranch, and others who are polite, thoughtful, and gracious here. very, very few people are ever going to light up in someone's home - and certainly not without asking. hell, i don't smoke in my home, nor do i allow smoking in it!

at the same time, however, remember that these are your guests . guests that you, most likely, invited. which means you shouldn't be rude to them because of their choices. in my household, if someone wants to smoke, i tell them i prefer outdoor smoking only, then step outside with them and show them where they can smoke/dispose of the butts.

it's the same as guests with kids or pets. no, i'd prefer you not bring them without asking. however, simple hospitality (and, for that matter, humanity) dictates that you be gracious when either accomodating them or denying them.

Then the question may be suggested: How do you put up with your gross smoker friends without being an asshole to them?

hmmm... I think one of the best things about smoking is the excuse to step outside and get a breath of fresh air, and, err, a breath of tobacco air (I know, this is messed up!)... Anyway, I think it is perfectly acceptable to expect guests to smoke outside, and I provide a place to dispose the butts. That's all you really need, right? Maybe get some air freshener if there an odor problem?

there *is* an odor problem

K T G,

How to welcome non-smokers...? This question might be appropriate if most people smoked (they don't) or else if smoking was the norm indoors (it isn't).

How do you put up with your gross smoker friends without being an asshole to them? First rule: don't refer to them as "gross", certainly not to their face!

Enough already. The only people this country allows, and encourages, other people to criticize are smokers. They are the only second-class citizens that are accepted by society as such. It is ridiculous. I have never in my life seen such hostility anywhere in the world coming towards me from strangers who thought they have EVERY right to be hostile towards me.

I only smoke outdoors, that's the only place I can smoke in this country, and I am still lectured by strangers. I always pull my cigarette away from babies when they come by, or not exhale my smoke when they are around, I never smoke in non-smokers' houses, I do everything to accommodate non-smokers, so I don't understand who gave everyone the right to judge and yell at me that I will die. Obviously we all know the risks. We are not stupid. We are addicted, and we enjoy smoking.

As a last note, heart decease is the #1 killer in this country, not lung cancer, and I don't have any right to go to mcdonalds, find the fattest guy in there and tell them they will die. Why do people have the right to do it to smokers, i will never understand.

Hope that makes some sense.

All of my close friends are non-smokers, but there are the occasional not so close friends that will come over and need to light up. I have no ash trays, no soda cans, no anything for them. They just smoke outside, on their own, in my driveway and put the butts in their pockets. I don't ask them to do anything, I guess it's some kind of smokers thing. I'm highly sensitive and have terrible asthma, and my friends know to command I bring my inhaler everywhere I go, so they certainly know not to smoke around my house.

I second alex.un's every setence.

One funny moment: when smoking was permitted in airports but only in special "smoker" rooms, one would pass by an notice intense clouds of smoke, looking like LA on a REALLY bad day. A woman exited, saying to her companion, " I just hate that I have to be around all this smoke." heh heh

alex.un,
"second hand smoke" is the simple answer to your question, when people choose to eat at McDonalds they may be endangering their own health but certainly not the health of others. It doesn't matter if you choose to move your cigarette away from babies or wait to exhale, each time you do exhale smoke it affects others.

I would imagine any smoker would think thrice about accepting an invitation from the majority of people who've commented above. And rightly so.

I am not surprised most of the people who've commented do not have smoker friends. I find it unfortunate though that this has become a screening criteria.

As a smoker who would never even consider lighting up in someone else's house, I always go outside, walk some distance away from the building, throw the butt in the trash, have some gum afterwards, and even put on some perfume (or make sure I wear a coat that will be removed when I come back in). Oh, but the looks you get sometimes just as you heading to the front door to have a cigarette... Makes you want to just keep walking.

I smoke and don't mind going outside. I have a small, pocket ash tray with a lid that I carry with me.

I have some lovely friends who entertain quite a lot. In the summer, they permit smoking on their deck, which overlooks their beautiful garden. Both smoking and non-smoking guests sit and chat and have drinks and everyone seems to get along.

In colder weather, my friends invite people to smoke inside. This made me feel uncomfortable at first, and I said I would rather step outside. But, they insisted that smoking was permitted. They close the doors to other parts of the house and we sit at the diningroom table having wine and dessert and some of us smoke and some of us don't, and it is very civilized.

btw, smoking is a major cause of heart disease.

Get your facts right. Nothing will happen to you if you inhale a little bit of smoke. NOTHING. Nothing will happen to you if you smoke a cigarette a day for the rest of your lives. It takes much more than that.

alex.un - it's because you are actively making the air smell disgusting and making it hard for people around you to breathe. Why is it that you're allowed to do that? I don't care if you get cancer, I frankly think that's overstated despite the horrors of the disease. Non-smokers do a pretty poor job themselves of articulating just why they can and should get to speak their minds about this. You are making the air smell bad for people, and you don't even care. You only care about your rights, and apparently babies.

Rather than treating you like a "second class" citizen, how are you not able to think of it like you are treating non-smokers like a second class citizen? You get to decide how bad the air smells all over the front doors of stores and restaurants and office buildings, and non-smokers have to be nice to you and keep their mouth shut.

I don't understand why smokers can't just wait until they get home to smoke. A non-smoker's home isn't just the house-it's the yard, it's the balcony, it's the porch, too. I simply don't want people smoking in or around my home.

Perhaps I am especially bitter about smokers because my new neighbor smokes in his apartment, and so I can't open my door or window without my apartment smelling, too. Gross!

"Rather than treating you like a "second class" citizen, how are you not able to think of it like you are treating non-smokers like a second class citizen? You get to decide how bad the air smells all over the front doors of stores and restaurants and office buildings, and non-smokers have to be nice to you and keep their mouth shut."

Actually, based on these sorts of comments, it seems that they don't. I'd hardly class that as 'being nice' or 'keeping one's mouth shut.'

Furthermore, if the comments on this post are any indication of how many people "make guests feel welcome," the problem of guests who smoke will disappear. Rest assured: if this is how they're welcomed, those guests will not come back to your home.

CaseyB, smoking is an addiction and most smokers can only hold out for so long. So waiting to get home can be a problem.

I have a neighbour who enjoys cooking Chinese food and another that parks his SUV under my window. Unpleasant smells all around, but not nearly as much bitterness as voiced by some of the people on this thread. And these people (Chinese-food fan and SUV driver) are not addicted, they could stop. But I would never have the nerve to dictate that to them.

I think we're talking here about welcoming guests who smoke to our homes. Not smoking outside buildings or in next-door apartments.

Part of being adult and gracious hosts and guests is accepting that many people have many habits, all of which we may not find appealing, but which we deal with during an evening of entertaining. Like it or not, that includes smoking. (and chewing with mouths open, wearing too much perfume/after shave, getting drunk and sloppy, monopolizing the conversation, etc.)

For one evening, it seems to me that people should be able to put these things aside and just relax and enjoy the company. Perhaps those who are very opposed to smoking, or other personal habits of people could ask the host/hostess before hand if anyone will be attending who has a particular habit that is unappealing. Then the choice could be made not to attend. Or, if you are the host/hostess, simply don't invite someone with a habit you dislike.

I am so glad I do not have "friends" like many of the people posting here. I have friends that smoke, friends that smoke w/drinks, and friends that don't touch the stuff. What I don't have are rude friends who think it is their right (or that anyone cares) to voice their opinion on what someone should and should not do.

It would be rude for a smoker to light up in someone's house. Agreed. But to comment on someone's lingering smell on your sofa? Please. Btw, perhaps your perfume is offensive to their nose & don't want you on their furniture.

Totally second KTG. I am sick of having to keep my mouth shut and be polite when smokers make it impossible to breathe outside storefronts, offices, public streets, etc. I don't know if smokers understand how incredibly noxious the smell is to nonsmokers. I think the only considerate thing to do as a smoker is to smoke privately in one's own home--otherwise you're stinking up the air you share with everyone else in public spaces.

What a bunch of self righteous non smoking Nazis...

I would never DREAM of accepting an invititation to any of these peoples homes.

Neither would I extend an invitation to my own....Sick!

Your attitude speaks volumes.

By the way, didn't mean to take the post off track--I realize that this is about guests smoking in a host's home and not in public spaces. Frankly, I don't allow it, but I live in a highrise with no balcony. I dated a smoker for a long time, and when we went to parties, he would usually have one before he left and then wait until we got home.

K T G,

Do you act as belligerently toward friends and neighbors who drive cars? Who take trips on airplanes? Who purchase goods (including groceries, housewares, etc) produced outside your city or town, necessitating that they be shipped to the store? They're contributing to the pollution/stink of the environment in which you live to a far greater degree than the 20 percent of adults in North America who happen to smoke cigarettes. Not only do they impact your immediate environment; they're destroying the lives and livelihoods of people who live continents away... ask someone living in North Africa, for example, if your desire to eat a banana this morning justifies the desertification they must face every day. Does it justify entire island countries sinking into the ocean? The extinction of species?

Smokers receive undue condemnation because of its visibility (increasingly less so now that municipal laws isolate them from everyone else), because smokers are now in the minority, and because it's easier to condemn people for their behavior rather than take a serious look at one's own actions.

"don't understand why smokers can't just wait until they get home to smoke'

Because it's an addiction that's very hard to break. Smokers are more to be pitied than censured. My father died of lung cancer despite having quit 5 years before. Big tobacco companies loaded extra nicotine into their product, and knowingly did so.

I'm always glad when people don't smoke around me. But smoking isn't like having a poor conversational style or bad taste in lipstick.

Smokers are addicts, through no fault of their own. Second hand smoke might not kill you, but it's distasteful.

This isn't just about people being self righteous about their sofas smelling. When smokers smoke, they make a choice for everyone. I think that's pretty self-righteous, actually. It's not as if I can choose to not breathe while my party guest/neighbor smokes (and yes, I get to be bitter when the neighbor makes my apartment smell. This isn't a short-term inconvenience; my apartment is starting to smell as if I smoke. That's not fair).

I understand that smoking is an addiction. But it's also a choice. So go to a party for as long as you can stand to not smoke, and then go home.

I think something we haven't touched on yet are on viable complaints. Perhaps other guests have allergies. Perhaps the host doesn't want her children seeing possible role models light up. My point is that people who have chosen not to smoke should have this choice respected in their home, and should not feel uncomfortable asking guests to refrain.

I am not a Nazi. I have lost too many relatives to cancer caused either by smoking or second-hand smoke. I make my wishes known as graciously as possible.

Davidasposted, I agree that the above polluting activities you listed are selfish and have disastrous consequences. However, I think the knee-jerk aggravation many nonsmokers (including myself) feel towards people smoking in their vicinity is due to the fact that when you're next to a smoker, the adverse effect is more immediately felt--your breathing air becomes immediately unbreathable. And seriously, I don't think smokers understand how terrible they smell to nonsmokers. Sometimes when I'm on the bus next to someone who has just had a cigarette, I feel like I'm choking. And I as a nonsmoker find it bewildering that many smokers feel like that's okay, that I should put up with that. I don't judge the activity of smoking itself--people are free engage in whatever vices they like--I just don't want the smell anywhere near me because it is very difficult to tolerate.

Wow...
Ex social smoker (when drinking esp) and sometime cigar smoker.

Long before I ever smoked I always kept an ashtray out on my patio or stoop when I had parties so that smoking guests would know where I wanted them to ditch butts.

I've NEVER had a guest light up in my house and the majority of the time i have each and every smoker ask for permission even after seeing the ashtray.

jeeze.

wow.

for all the comments citing respect for your fellow mans well-being as the number one gripe about smokers i think you all have a lot of nerve and extreme short-sightedness.

I don't know how any of you can seem to be oblivious to the fact if everyone on this planet were to live and consume like we in the west and ESPECIALLY the u.s. do it would take 10 planets earths resources to support the worlds population. Our living standards DENY the majority of the worlds population of what we in the west and, once again, ESPECIALLY the u.s. could ever consider a 'decent and healthy' living standard. Yes cutting back helps, but it sure as ...heck... will not make life 'healthier' for ALL. On top of that, on a grossly over-populated planet that keeps on growing, people insist on having children of 'their-own' to satisfy their greedy desires to procreate themselves. Paying taxes to the u.s. government fuels the greatest legitimised terrorist this planet has ever seen and the rest of the world has to suffer throught it.

Though you would sure as ...heck... never see me denying westerners, americans or people who choose to have their own children my friendship or turn them away from my home. Every person contributes to others well-being and ill-being in many, many ways and this smoking issue is barely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to creating an unhealthy or un-livable environment for ones fellow man.

Now i'm off to my balcony to have a ciggarette

please excuse my typos, writing of passion is to blame and i should have proofread

I don't welcome smoking in my flat but my back yard has a bench, table and an ashtray. I certainly hope that makes smoking friends feel welcome, because if they weren't welcome I wouldn't invite them over in the first place.

Some of Jussola's points are good, smoking is only the tip of the iceberg and smokers dont deserve all the crap they get (although some of them are rude, definately not all)

"The only people this country allows, and encourages, other people to criticize are smokers. They are the only second-class citizens that are accepted by society as such."

That's not entirely true, I think we encourage criticism of all drug addicts. The only difference is that tobacco is still legal and crack is not. Sure, you have the right to smoke {for now}. And we have the right be be openly disgusted.

I've never had anyone attempt to smoke in my home, nor would I allow it. I've actually never thought of leaving an ashtray outside, but I don't smoke and I'd rather not encourage smoking simply because the odor tends to linger. Most of my friends who have smoked outside have been courteous enough to leave their butts in the trash. I've never considered it a big deal; everyone involved seems to handle it without any hassle.

No one smokes in my home. Me and my pets do not need to be exposed to smoke. My friends who do smoke are quite considerate and will ask beforehand. I usually allow them outside in my patio.

"Smokers are addicts, through no fault of their own. Second hand smoke might not kill you, but it's distasteful."

First off. It is their fault. They chose to smoke. They know its addictive. We've all known that for a very long time. And secondly, second hand smoke will kill you, and that has also been proven.

For me, its easy. I don't welcome smokers into my home. I won't even invite them over, and I have a lot of friends that still smoke. Call me rude for never inviting them to my home, but I don't want them smelling my place up. It lingers on your clothes forever, and transfers to all your furniture. Yuck.

I am officially passing the proverbial peace pipe around to all AT smokers and non-smokers.

It hasn't been 'proven' that second hand smoke kills. At least anywhere the number of people who get bumped off by basic atmospheric pollution.

I wonder how many of the sanctimonious twits responding to this thread have pets? Dogs stink up the place worse than smoke does, and at least we smokers don't go and crap on the street every time we're out there behaving legally.

And what do you poor tender souls do with cooking smells, smoke from the fire, or a barbecue? Or incense? Or farts? Do you seriously believe that inhaling any of these are any better than inhaling the gases from tobacco?

The best place for an addict to smoke is in their own car with the windows rolled up. That way, no one else has to share the health problems they will bring upon themselves. Secondhand smoke smells horrible and is carcinogenic, and truth be told, no one really needs to smoke.

http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/Factsheets/SecondhandSmoke.htm

I've commented many times here on AT that my boyfriend is chronically ill. None of his friends smoke in our home, because his illness is obvious, they're aware he's had a heart attack and two bouts of congestive heart failure, and they're smart enough to know that smoking complicates his already-difficult situation. If they want to smoke outside, that's fine -- we live in a rural area and have plenty of fresh air.

I'm fortunate to have no friends or relatives who smoke (although a lot of them, including me, have in the past).

The NIH reports that smoking kills over 400k Americans every year, and that approximately 50k of those deaths are due to secondhand smoke exposure. It is the leading preventable cause of death in this country, more than the next several preventable causes combined, including obesity, which at #2 only manages to put away about 120k annually. Environmental risks like air pollution caused by cars and planes don't even make it into the top 10.

Most tobacco deaths involve heart disease, although lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer death in women. Secondhand smoke is also responsible for many cases of SIDS. Smokers who deny these statistics are deluding themselves; these stats come from top-rank peer reviewed medical journals like JAMA.

Speaking as someone with a young child in the house, I'd be crazy to let anyone smoke there. The only polite smokers that I know are the only I can't immediately identify as smokers, because they're so careful to avoid sharing the risk. And they're welcome in my house, but for obvious reasons, accommodating them has never come up.

According to half the readers of this site I should not accommodate friends with unhealthy habits. i am no longer going to open my door wider for fat people, let people who drive (I don't) park in my driveway, and people who dont recycle will have to take their trash home with them! Also no one is allowed to bring smelly food to my house or wear perfume or hairspray I dont like the smell of.

Some of you are so self righteous and rude. Anything to feel better than someone else I guess...

I think smoking inside is gross (the smell doesnt go away, it stains your walls etc) but If the person smoking stays outside and doesnt chuck their butt in my garden that's fine with me.

What about we make people go outside to talk on the phone from now on? It supposedly causes cancer and I find it much more annoying than smoking.

Based on the stuck-up attitudes of half the people who posted here, I'm surprised they have "friends," at all... let alone anyone who would ever visit them! It's pretty awful when you basically "hope smokers die" because of their problem. Would you wish that all alcoholics drink themselves to death?? All fat people die from diabetes or clogged arteries?

Smoking sucks. It's a terrible addiction. But there are worse problems.

Hey, when my dog gives me cancer, she's outta here.

I welcome non-smokers into my home by smoking outside of my own house. I don't smoke in a non-smoker's presence ever. Period.

Also, if there is ever the random patio/sidewalk/yard/whatever that doesn't have an ashtray, smokers should field strip their cigarettes and dispose of the butts in a waste receptacle. It irritates me when they feel they are allowed to litter.

Wow, the arguments are all over the place. To those who think smokers are rude because you are subjected to a gross smell, I find farts, garlic, cheap aftershave, and body odor just as gross. We haven't discovered a way to outlaw that yet. I'd love to see signs posted outside every building, no dimestore perfume allowed.

Smokers get defensive, they love to smoke. I used to love to smoke. I wasn't the rudest person there was about it, but I was ignorant about just how rude I was. You choose to stink and make others stink and make everywhere you go stink, and non-smokers are self-righteous? I would say smokers are actually the last group of people you're allowed to attack. I don't normally get in people's faces, but I do ask if they could slow down while I pass because where am I supposed to go when their smoke blows right in my face when we're walking down the street? And people who throw lit butts onto the sidewalk and walk away while the rest of the bus stop has to smell that smoldering piece of crap? Who do you think you are? Why do you think that's right?

I think you're judging yourselves quite highly. Maybe not all smokers are like that, but you sure do get a chip on your shoulder about everything. I did, I know. I wish I hadn't been like that. I wish there were some way of getting the message through. You smell, and you are unpleasant company. So don't come to my house, ok?

Facism still rides among the liberal elite. They, they, they... Not sure if it reminds me more of 1500s Spain or 1930s Berlin or 1960s Mississippi.

But to the question.... My home is just a structure. It is not a high holy place or a museum. Visitors to my homes are guests and I treat them as such. They are far more important to me than the structure and the stuff in it. One of the reasons I work so hard on the structure is to make it comfortable and accommodating to my guests. They are welcome to smoke if they choose.

"Smokers receive undue condemnation because of its visibility (increasingly less so now that municipal laws isolate them from everyone else), because smokers are now in the minority, and because it's easier to condemn people for their behavior rather than take a serious look at one's own actions." - davidasposted

I just wanted to take this comment aside. Where I live, smokers are abundant and don't seem to suffer any consequences of being isolated from anyone else. I don't think they're in the majority, but it doesn't seem to me they're easily condemned for their behavior. If anything, they and you seem to be overly sensitive to the fact that you might be inconsiderate, and deflect the blame back to the person who might like to breathe and walk down the street at the same time. Why do non-smokers have to be nicer to smokers than smokers are to non-smokers?

I also didn't say I hoped any smokers died. We're all going to die, of something. I think attacking the problem of rudeness by warning of cancer doesn't get to the point. Smokers don't care if they're going to die, they're going to quit before they die, or they're going to die young and cool (and delusional).

I also also dislike strong smells of most kinds. I try to be a good person, so I don't like having dislike of smoking in particular singled out as if I love love love sweatshops and imported goods and all that entails. I don't drive, I don't wear perfume, and I shower and smell ok. I don't like a lot of things we all have to put up with, but smoking is pretty much one of the only optional ones right now and the subject of this post. I don't like smelling farts, incense, coffee breath, dog crap, cat crap, mouse crap, llama dung, or people poo, etc. on the poo, garbage trucks, unwashed clothes, feet cheese, grease exhaust from a restaurant, cologne, chili burps, some noodle casserole my mom baked once, formaldehyde, dirty diapers, vomit, permanent wave chemicals, the junior mint factory, new shower curtains, tire fires, rotten milk, b.o., or mildewed basements. Some of these smells are inflicted intentionally or carelessly by people who don't care about other people, but most are easily avoided or quickly dissipated. What about my sentiments toward smokers made you think I cherish each opportunity to smell other bad-smelling things?

It's a cigarette, not a crack pipe.

We Americans can be so uptight.

dmstudio & dot,

The NIH report on secondhand smoke released a few years ago, which everyone from the Surgeon General to the CDC cites as proof that it poses a significant health risk to those who come into contact with it, is largely based on research compiled for the 1993 EPA report which came to the same conclusion. Only problem: a federal judge determined that officials in the EPA cherry-picked evidence to confirm their position and ignored studies which did not, and as a result violated standard scientific procedures while assembling their report (which is different from a scientific study, remember).

The largest-ever study to date on secondhand smoke (in this case, its effect on spouses of smokers), authored by Enstrom and Kabat, appeared in the 12 May 2003 issue of the British Medical Journal. They conclude that no causal relationship exists between secondhand smoke and tobacco-related deaths. Their findings confirm those of the 1998 WHO study, the then-largest of its kind, which came to the very same conclusion. Not too long ago (2006: 296) JAMA published a report outlining how SG Richard Carmona misrepresented findings of his own report, which as I mentioned is based on unethically compiled research.

In short: secondhand smoke, according to the very latest and most comprehensive studies, will not give you cancer or heart disease.

"I am officially passing the proverbial peace pipe around to all AT smokers and non-smokers."--seaside

what an awesome idea! oh, wait, no.... see, unfortunately, the pipe seems to be the problem here.

Do you put out syringes and spoons and mirrors for people who are addicted to other kinds of drugs too?

'cause thats what smoking is - an addiction to a drug.

If you can't go for a couple of hours without a cigarette when you're in someone elses home then you're an addict with a problem!

My dad is a smoker since he was in middle school- how he is still alive I have no clue. when my mum was pregnant with me she forbid him(and his from friends) from smoking in the house and he always goes out and smokes on the porch and sometimes I would walk out and my dog would be there with him and I would get so angry for smoking around our pets! their lungs are probably much smaller than ours and he lets our dogs inside when he smokes. But now all he does is take a puff and throws it away!

I think I wouldn't allow friends to even go out and smoke because they would see how much I care about their well being and want to see them get better. Baby steps hopefully to helping them get out of that addiction.

I have several problems with smokers:

They generally smell horrid (hair, clothes, breath).

Smokers who never consider (or care) which way the wind is blowing when smoking at the bus stop, so it inevitably gets in my face no matter where I stand.

The cigarette butts littering the ground *everywhere* in the city.

The ones who feel entitled because they have an *addiction*. They are impossible to deal with: any polite requests are met with outright hostility and rudeness.

My apologies, but this is part of a rant that has been festering for a long time. I'm violently allergic, so I avoid smoke like the plague (and yes, I *do* have friends).

In my experience, any party that actively prevents people from smoking while they, well, party, tends to be the kind of parties I avoid.

For my two cents, I say loosen up. Why not instead try to enjoy the company? They were invited, after all. No one's going to *die* from being around cigarette smoking for *one* night.

And as an aside, I think it rare the modern smoker who would take the liberty of lighting up in someone's house without *at least* asking first. It's just not done. And any smoker who does, frankly, is asking for it. Nag away, friends, nag away.

Bravo to AT for considering smokers instead of writing them off as a weak-willed minority.

But do they take the liberty to smoke outside right next to people? Because they're outside? Someone I work in the same building as me saw me at the bus stop and came right over to say hi with her lit cigarette. Now what can I say to that? That's the kind of issue I'm talking about.

KTG, I agree with everything you say! I'm glad you're speaking your mind! It's so annoying that I can't even go outside to get some fresh air anywhere, because all I smell is the rank smell of cigarette smoke.

My objections to people smoking around me (in public or private) have little to do with the many diseases it causes but the smell that drifts through the air clinging to clothes, hair, purses, etc. It's disgusting and the smoke makes it sooo hard to breath...for those of us with healthy lungs.

There are plenty of unhealthy things people do, but most of them don't affect others the way smoking does.

And you know, I love how I contantly see smokers with their windows down while driving. So when I'm driving behind them the smoke comes into my car from the AC or if I'm trying to enjoy one of the rare days with beautiful cool air, I have to roll my window up every time I'm by a smoker. If you love smoking so much, roll your windows up and inhale all that wonderful smoke yourself instead of subjecting your fellow drivers to it!

And to answer the question, I DON'T welcome smokers into my home. Sorry, I know you're addicted, but I don't leave syringes or rolled up dollar bills around to welcome coke and heroin addicts either. And yeah, I prefer not to be friends with people who smoke, and we're probably both better off. I don't think smokers are bad people, just inconsiderate.

Does your car not produce carcinogens and odor? If we're going to start claiming entitlement to the air, shouldn't we consider everything?

The outside is...well, outside. Public space. No one owns it. So, unfortunately people do things outside that other people have to see, smell, hear, sometimes touch. There's always the other side of the street.

The degree of animosity on the part of the non-smokers on this thread is amazing. Apparently, they think they own all indoor and outdoor spaces and that they have a perfect right to dictate to others what correct behaviour is. If only we lived in a perfect vacuum and the world was constructed just for our benefit. Mine, that is. Not yours.

We all put up with things from other people. Yes, smoke smells. Yes, it may make you cough. Whatever. Why hate others so much because of such a little thing? Just go on about your business and this, like lots of little aggravations that we all endure each day, will pass.

This thread is supposed to be discussing welcoming smokers into our homes. I don't think this is the place for a tirade against smoking in general. It seems to me that the topic is specific enough and interesting enough as it is. How about if we stick to that?

Oh, for a world in which nothing inconvenienced me...

In any event, as you suggest Ms. Pea on the topic of making people who smoke feel welcome in your home, it seems that many AT community members would rather not. That is fine, they don't have to let people into their homes whom they or their friends don't like. I don't invite certain groups of people into my home either. But I don't resent them for their habits (or professions, as in the case of police officers, for example) either. So if you do welcome smokers, I suppose the way to do so is not make their smoking an issue. Give them a piece of gum. Offer to keep them company while outside. You know: act like a nice human being.

I am finding it so hard to say something in this "conversation". I can't believe that all of you feel so entitled to judge, and be rude, and offend people.

There are smokers who don't consider other people, just like there are non-smokers who don't consider other people and create circumstances that are unpleasant to you (boohoo, in my opinion, but whatever).

However, that doesn't give you the right to attack SMOKERS. Walking behind a bus or a truck, or if you live in New York, past a hot dog stand, can be so much more unpleasant than smoke.

My mother smoked all my life, and still smokes to this day. When I was a child, she smoked around me - forgive her, she lives in Europe, where people don't know the things that you Americans know about smoking, we still live in caves - and, you know what, the only time it bothered me, and I told her so, was in the elevator. A small space with no ventilation. I was a child. You think my lungs were less sensitive than yours?

So, sorry, I don't believe all the bull i'm hearing here. Smoke when you're not smoking yourself is JUST as unpleasant to smokers as it is to non-smokers. Trust me, I have been both.

Furthermore, I smoke in my house like a chimney. Funny thing, it never smells. My friends come over and comment on the fact that it doesn't smell. An open window and a candle will do it.

And finally, I allow people to smoke when in my house. All my non-smoker friends all of a sudden are holding a cigarette, and thanking me for providing the party with packs of cigarettes for my guests, and with ashtrays and lighters.

Smoking, I am sorry to inform you is NOT a choice. It's a slippery slope. I see those ads on tv saying "I chose to smoke, and these are the consequences of my choice" and I want to throw my ashtray to the screen. You don't wake up one day and decide it's a good idea to be a smoker. You usually start young, with one cigarette, just to try it - two cigarettes, with coffee - might as well buy a pack for the week - and before you know it, you're addicted.

(Almost done)

Second hand smoking might be harmful, but only if you're exposed to smoke all the time and in closed spaces. Smoke does not have little "cancer viruses" in it and if you take one breath of smoke, you get cancer. Calm down.

Smokers ARE the only second hand citizens in this country, drug addicts are treated as people who need help and support, not as people who should be yelled at. Just look at your posts, and tell me if I'm right here.

I have friends who smoke. Their numbers are dwindling, which makes me happy because the health of my friends matters to me. When I invite them to my home, I do not think of them as "smokers." I think of them as my friends who smoke. Friends who bring value to my gathering and whom I could not imagine excluding. Of course, if they were inconsiderate people (in smoking or otherwise), they would not be my friends. So that takes care of that.

My husband and I are both former smokers. When a known smoker comes to our house (a cousin comes to mind), I get out an ashtray and make a fresh pot of coffee. My cousin says "I can't smoke here since you quit." I tell him to go ahead and he does. As one who smoked for years, I know what it's like to stand outside and/or not be allowed to smoke. I guess I figure if someone likes me well enough to take the time to come visit me, he/she can smoke and be comfortable while we chat. I used to visit a friend who had never smoked and she ALWAYS allowed smokers to light up. What a gracious hostess to think of the comfort of others.

"Walking behind a bus or a truck, or if you live in New York, past a hot dog stand, can be so much more unpleasant than smoke."

For you, perhaps. Not for me. There is no more noxious odor than cigarette smoke. I agree with the poster that says it makes them feel like they are choking. I am allergic to it as well, so all these comparisons to smog (which I am not allergic to) don't mean anything to me. There is nothing that upsets my sinuses like cigarette smoke. It's absolutely disgusting, and dangerous for all people. I don't blame anyone who is upset at being around it. Thank goodness Chicago stopped the smoking in bars and restaurants. It's made living here that much more pleasant.

yeah yeah. you can call us self-righteous. i really dont care. you still smell disgusting.

and, by the way, just because we havent yet sorted out problems with smog/ carbon emissions/ terrible perfume (lol!), does not mean that smoking gets a free pass. they are all bad. they all need to be dealt with.

as an aside, i had to explain to my boyfriend, who smokes, that i dont like to be seated in the smoking section when we eat out on account of it making my skin crawl. he genuinely had not even thought about it. so yeah, i guess some smokers are pretty damn clueless.

Look, people do all kinds of things they shouldn't. Smoke, drink, gamble, smack their kids, drive too fast, cross against the light, eat fast food, don't exercise, wear ugly clothes, talk too loud, wear hideous perfume or too much makeup, cheat, lie, steal, have affairs, bite their nails - the list goes on and on. And, there's not much we can do about it. People are people and will do the darnest things. And, all the other people just have to put up with it. That's life.

Who are all you allergy sufferers that seem to be spending hours a day sitting a room full of smokers? Where do you find all this smoke? I can go an entire day and not see a smoker or smell a cigarette. It takes what? 3 seconds maybe, to walk past a smoker standing in front of an office building? And, that sends you into fits of wheezing and sneezing? Isn't that what an allergy pill is for?

All I'm suggesting is that to live in the world is to be inconvenienced by people and their habits every single day. The bigger the city, the more inconvenience, the more you have to put up with.

Can't we understand that other people have faults, just like we do? It's what makes us human. Who thinks they are so perfect that they believe they never offend anyone? Every time you set foot outside your home, or open your mouth, or come into contact with another person, the potential exists to offend someone else in one way or another.

Smoking can be offensive. Ok. So what? So are lots of things. Living in the world is hard work. When you find that perfect world you're looking for, don't bother to tell me about it, because I don't want to live in it. I prefer the world of people, with all their messy, unpleasant, stupid, weird and wonderful ways.

oh, sorry, one last thing. I know it sounds crazy anal, and it is, but i cant eat from a bowl of potato chips if someone who smokes has taken from it. all i can think about is their smelly fingers. i know people pee on their hands and pick up germs everywhere and blah blah blah, but there is something really specific about smoking that just creeps me out.

mia kepia, I daresay it sounds like a clinical condition you may want to seek help for. This goes way beyond the smoking discussion of this thread.

dmstudio:

The McDonalds Obese may not be endangering my health directly, but they are driving up my health-care costs which does affect the way I treat my health.

I suppose all of you people who think people should only smoke in their own homes also agree that people should only DRINK in their own homes (and stay there)?

If you don't, you are all hypocrites. Although I suspect you are anyway.

Piez:

All the people smoking are driving up my health care costs so I suppose we are even.

Haha, that's funny. When I first came to this country to study in an Ivy League school (how naive i was to think i would be surrounded by smart people), I found myself in a situation where I was mingling with kids (because there's no other word for them) who drank until the threw up all over the place, fell on their faces, stepped on me, pushed me, threw beer at me, threw up on me, insisted on grinding with me while sweaty and disgusting, many of which had to be taken to the emergency room.. a situation much more disgusting than smoking.

I'm not even going to conclude the argument, you know where it's going.

"Who are all you allergy sufferers that seem to be spending hours a day sitting a room full of smokers? Where do you find all this smoke? I can go an entire day and not see a smoker or smell a cigarette. It takes what? 3 seconds maybe, to walk past a smoker standing in front of an office building? And, that sends you into fits of wheezing and sneezing? Isn't that what an allergy pill is for?"

It's not a roomful of smokers. It's an outside of smokers. It's not one smoker in front of a building, it's a sidewalk from A to B full of them: waiting to meet someone in front of stores I'm going in or coming out, hanging out at the bus stop, taking office breaks, eating at some sidewalk café, being "shunned" to block the sidewalks outside of restaurants and bars, walking the same way I'm going, whenever I'm going somewhere, or walking past me the opposite way. The streets don't have to be packed full of smoking smokers, it just takes one, and the smell travels farther than you're aware.

According to your post, you make it sound like you're being put out some, and feel unwelcome! Well, tough.

Why on earth would smokers be clogging the streets? Oh yeah...

Gee, KTG. Where do you live that you run across so many smokers? I just find it hard to believe.

It sounds like everywhere you are, there are dozens of people smoking. In front of buildings, at bus stops, at cafes, outside restaurants and bars, walking both the same way you're going and in the opposite way, too.

Even if it's one smoker in each situation, that's still a lot of smokers. Whereas, I live in a big city and can be running errands all day and maybe see one or two people smoking. I'm just trying to understand how it is that you attract so many smokers?

I didn't mean to imply that I feel put out in the least, or made to feel unwelcome anywhere. Quite the opposite. I feel welcome almost everywhere I go, as I always try to be friendly, polite and courteous to others. I find that people always appreciate a smile and a cheery "Hello". I don't go through life looking for ways to feel put upon. I don't feel that there's a whole catagory of people out there that are out to get me and make me unhappy.

Turn that frown upside down, KTG! Life can be such fun. Just try for one day to accept people for the weaklings they are and try to appreciate them. Wipe that scowl off your face, and maybe those hoards of smokers you encounter will stop ganging up on you.

I think you're right on the money, K T G. Frown all you like. And Ms. Pea, that was rude.

Wow, is all I can say. Life is an unhappy event for so many.

And, rude?? How am I rude? I'm merely suggesting that KTG try to accept the things she cannot change, as the saying goes.

But, I must be in the minority, so I'll sign off and be on my merry way. This thread is getting way too sad for me.

Ms. Pea. You are not in the minority and have my wholehearted support.

It's just this discussion is too polarized (and in some instances irrational) to have a meaningful exchange going.

Ms. Pea, I live in Boston. No shortage of smokers, even all over the hospital campus where I work. Even with designated smoking areas placed strategically near entrances, I manage not to avoid all the smoke.

I get that this is something that's just not sinking in for you smokers, but it seems this is the only socially acceptable form of rudeness. Everyone else seems to agree driving like an asshole is rude and playing your stereo too loud is rude, and walking too slow in the supermarket because you're talking on your cell phone is rude. I would even hazard to guess, if you started a campaign where you'd scream in the face of every 10th random person you passed by, someone would come along soon to detain you, because that was something society agreed was one thing we just shall not tolerate. But you're allowed to smoke, and we have to pretend it doesn't bother us, so it doesn't ruin the experience for you; you, the smoker, must be coddled and appeased. I get that you just don't get this at all.

KTG: It might be difficult for you to transcend your anger, but you have to try and be more rational about this or I fear you might explode.
I am not a smoker, but I've never had the feeling (in the US at least) any smoker feels that what they are doing is socially acceptable - on the contrary. What makes you think that non-smokers "have to" defer to smokers? Where do you get the idea that smokeers need to be coddled? Its seems to me they are shunned altogether and treated as criminals? If anything this makes ME feel sorry for them.
Try to leave your anger behind, recognize your own flaws that no doubt irritate those around you as much as those around you irritate you.

Perhaps other guests have allergies.

I cannot believe this argument is constantly being paraded around. Lets make ragweed pollen illegal while we're at it because it makes me sneeze!

Hilarious.

Allergies seem to be dismissed pretty readily in these comments (angelabaca). However, as a person with many friends with asthma and allergies, these are serious concerns. Some people I know reach for the inhaler and have to sit down if they walk behind someone smoking on the sidewalk. Losing the ability to breath in one of these attacks is a seriously scary thing. Myself, if I sit next to a person smoking outside, the next day I am coughing like I have bronchitis. I happen to live in a place (Vancouver) where we are lucky enough to have very clean air for a city, both pollution and smoking wise. When I travel to Europe, I my lungs definitely feel it for the first little while until I get used to it - but is getting used to it necessarily a good thing?

That said, much in the same way I would never criticize a person for being fat, I do my best to tolerate (at a distance) my friends who smoke. They are all smart and self aware enough to realize that their smoking is not generally welcomed and try to find a place where they will not disturb people - and I very much appreciate it.

Has anyone else noticed that cigarette smoke smells A LOT worse than it did 20 years ago?

To get back to the original question: how to welcome guests that smoke? Well, my answer would be. . . graciously, regardless of whether they smoke or not. I have invited them into my home, presumably because I like them as people.

To clarify, I am a very "nose sensitive" person, I don't smoke, dislike the smell, love that restaurants are no longer filled with ashy plumes, but ultimately, I love my friends more. As guests, they politely excuse themselves outdoors, and as a gracious host, I provide them with (some of the more interesting props in our home) ashtrays. It is a non-issue.

If you were trying to lose a few pounds, would you find it useful to have a "friend" on hand to tell you how selfish, rude, unsightly and stinky you were? The question was about how we treat those we care for enough to invite into our homes. The responses make me wince to imagine how some here must behave toward strangers.

I offer my fat friends and relatives food when they visit. I even go out to eat with them. It is enjoyable.

After reading this thread, I suppose fat people should be forced to eat on the sidewalk without utensils for their health?

Skin cancer is a serious issue. Why dont you "help" people by banning the outdoors on high UV days?

The answer to the origional question is simple:
They smoke. Accept it and be gracious OR Tell them before hand that you are insanely obsessed with smoking. They may not understand that will be treated like Typhoid Mary.

Oh, anti-smoking wank. Always interesting.

I'd like to point out that making your smoker friends pocket their butts is just plain backwards logic, since that's going to make your house smell WAY worse than anything smoked outside. Let them put them in the trash outside, like you might do with a dirty baby's diaper, and be over it already, jeez.

I used to smoke, but never lit up in a non-smoker's house and I can't think of ANYONE IN MY LIFE who might think that's ok. Most smokers I know are pretty considerate.

On the other hand, I haven't owned a car in about three years. I certainly wouldn't invite you over and then lecture you on your SUV arrival about how you're polluting my air and therefore not welcome in my home. (Even if it IS true.)

Stick that in your little pipe and smoke it.

davidasposted
The only studies that purport to "debunk" the cancer and heart disease risks of secondhand smoke are those funded by the tobacco industry, including that of Enstrom and Kabat. They have been shown repeatedly to be based on misrepresentation of data and flawed analysis; the BMJ paper by Enstrom in particular is a disgrace because it has no reference group of people who weren't exposed to secondhand smoke, and as a result the entire study sample had similar cancer risks. The NIH and JAMA reports are based on repeated studies on both the state and national level, not the much-maligned 1993 EPA report. If you want to claim that secondhand smoke isn't dangerous, you'll have to come to grips with the medical literature, not just cherry-pick a couple of industry studies. And you will find that the weight of evidence says secondhand smoke is really dangerous, even in relatively small doses.

Oh the drama. I have had one friend over who smokes, and he automatically went outside on the balcony. He even closed the windows so I couldn't smell it. I didn't even have to ask. I did mean to put something out there for ashes, I forgot. That's about as much as I would. Most of my friends don't smoke so it really isn't an issue. Plus I find around most smokers know to smoke outside, many go outside of their own home to smoke.

I'm still a student in college and I don't know anybody who smokes in their own apartment even(and the majority of people at my college smoke). They all move to their porch. The only thing allowed inside is occasionally a hookah (in general).

It's just assumed that nobody wants that smoke inside their home. So unless invited to, or the example is set by the host/ess, cigarettes stay outside.

Ash trays are provided at off campus housing and there are cigarette trash can thingies are dotted in areas where people are likely to smoke on campus.

I plan on putting a coffeecan w/ sand in the bottom outside our door for any pals who need a break. Nobody wants shorts that smell like cigs.

I have worked on tobacco control for nearly a year now and have friends and family who are smokers. I'm empathetic toward smokers because they are addicts and the majority of them want to quit (1-800-NO-BUTTS). But for those who don't get why people want to control your behavior, it is plain and simple: there is no safe level of secondhand smoke even outdoors. When someone smokes, they are putting other peoples' health at risk. If you buy into the tobacco lies and their P.R. machine, do yourself a favor and look into the history of the product. They have one of the best marketing campaigns ever. Genius really.

If you want to smoke, then do it in private or at least 30' feet away from the public.

Two reasons smoking is not accepted on my property and shouldn't be accepted where public gather:

1. Bad for the Environment: butts, chemicals, child labor, insecticides, petroleum fuel
2. Bad for Public Health: cancer, heart disease, asthma, allergies, death, health care costs


In California, there has been a significant decrease in lung cancer and cancer mortality rates as a whole. Being one of the first to create smoke-free work places and smoke-free dinning, California is the leading state in tobacco control. Cities are even going smoke free. Only 15% of the population smokes in CA and the government is now looking at taxing tobacco and pushing for nationwide tobacco control. I suspect smoking will be a well forgotten thing of the past. Tobacco will stick around, just in a smokeless product.

To me, the interesting phenomenon here isn't smoking, it's the proliferation of hypersensitive, phobic Allergics. Putting aside genuine asthma suffewrers, we still have a giant tribe of hysterics with appalling narcissistic self-absorption.

What would the focus of their outrage be if smoking didn't exist? That's a serious question, not a rhetorical one. There are two subjects here: one is smoking itself, and its attendant health issues; the second is the class of people--unknown in past decades--who are so pathologically attuned to a minor (in the greater scheme of things) pollutant that driving past a car driven by a smoker gets their knickers in a twist.

I think this syndrome is unhealthier for its practitioners than occasional whiffs of cigarette smoke. I'd argue that it has more to do with social fear and control issues than it does with health risks.

I really don't see why this is so hard for smokers to understand.

Some of us are allergic. Personally, I sneeze and get stopped up: it seems unfair that I should have to experience what feels like a cold, because you want to blow smoke at me. Some people have asthma and will lose the ability to breathe. Breathing is important! And I don't know anyone who likes the smell.

Sure, there's pollution. But we HAVE to drive. Nobody HAS to smoke: I've never smoked a day in my life. I don't have any friends who smoke either. And quitting is always an option.

In general, I don't care if you choose to be a smoker: everyone chooses their own poison. Just stay in your designated area, so that I don't have to be exposed to the smoke. If you smoke around other people, you're forcing them to do it with you. And you're getting that smell in their hair and clothing. It's gross.

And really, we're on a website that is all about making your home beautiful and welcoming. Why would you expect that the readers of AT would be cool with having their homes smell like stale cigarette butts?

Hmm, this one's a non-issue for me... smoking is not welcome in my space. The smell makes me gag. My boyfriend is extremely asthmatic and has serious allergies. And I have a zero tolerance policy for friends smoking after watching a lifelong smoker die of lung cancer when I was a teenager (following shortly after her husband, who died the same way)... truly not a nice way to go. It remains the ugliest death I have seen. So if a friend were foolish enough to light up around me, they would hear about it... just as they would if they did a line of coke or shot up some heroin, or tried to get in a car drunk, or were deliberately cruel to a pet/friend/significant other. Some things go beyond what I will accept from others.

However, I do suck it up and ignore the disgusting pot smoke that wafts up from our downstairs neighbors. They are just too far (3 floors) from our space for it to feel legitimate to complain... which really sucks, because they are definitely not too far away to make our entire apartment smell like a dead skunk. People... STOP SMOKING. It's disgusting and inconsiderate.

Also, RE: the fat argument-- I am not rude to fat people. But if a friend were becoming truly obese, I would speak up, and I hope they would do the same for me. And having sat next to a man on a plane so immense his stomach fat spilled onto my lap for the entire flight (to London from LA) and that he couldn't get his tray table down and neither could I... when you are so fat it interferes with other people's lives, then it is a problem. I didn't say something on that flight for fear of being rude, and in retrospect I wish I had. He certainly never apologized for having part of his body rest in my lap for hours... isn't that rude?

To be blunt, when I learn that a person is a smoker, I simply think less of them, whether it's their intelligence, their decision-making capabilities, their will power, their need for acceptance...

I'm not talking about those who would like to quit and genuinely struggle to overcome addiction, but rather those who staunchly stand by it in spite of the health risk it poses to them and those around them. With what we know about it in this day and age.... why?

Why does anyone even begin smoking anyway? Seems like the answer, nowadays, is always to fit in, to appear cool.

There is always the person touting a story about how gramps smoked a pack a day and lived to be 98; my only response is to hope that you're so lucky.

"I'd argue that it has more to do with social fear and control issues than it does with health risks."

I'd argue that it stings my eyes, damages my lungs, and makes me smell awful (which, coincidentally is how you smell even if you're not aware of it; smokers suffer from an impaired sense of smell due to damage to their nasal membranes).