apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

*stares at picture*

There is no God.

Usually I just put the stuff away in my basement and eventually it gets put in a yard sale. If you might expect your family members to show up at the yard sale obviously this isn't a good plan (I've had it happen before with my Mom and it's not pretty). Thankfully I live 100 miles away from most of my relatives.
You could also try to sell some of the stuff online...and if people visit you and ask "hey, where's that delightful glowing dog monstrosity I bought you for your birthday" just say it is packed away in the basement waiting for its place of honour in your next, bigger, better house (bullsh*t them, basically).

When it comes from the maternal Grandma you display it. Even if it is the ugliest plastic glow in the dark frog you have ever seen.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000Y3ZTV8?ie=UTF8&tag=busyboo-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000Y3ZTV8

If it were my own flesh and blood... I'd... well I might display it for less time. Wow. That means after two years of looking at this atrocious thing I think I'll stash it in tomorrows trash.

sounds like a miss manners question.

we've moved twice since we've received them (not-so-little figurines) and they seem to have escaped the goodwill boxes both times (although narrowly). they are private little treasures that are for our eyes only in our bedroom. our parents tried so very hard to do it right and they really did come close. gotta love 'em.

Goodwill. Life's too short to look at ugly crap.

You just can't keep everything. I should feel bad about this but I have a gift closet and I am a re-gifter! True there are some things too awful to give in good conscience. If I can't exchange it I donate it and lie through my teeth. It is tough because I would never want to insult someone but you have to do what you have to do. Good luck!

Is it just me ... ? The middle of that hideous dog looks just like a vibrator.

On a more practical note ... some like-minded friends and I started the gifts-you-use-up rule (chocolate, candles, booze ... ) and it kind of spread. With family we started the please-give-the-money-to-charity-instead rule. Its spreading, but it ain't foolproof.

I don't understand give home decor gifts unless you really understand the person's taste. Or you are adding to a collection they have on display. I've been given a huge, heavy fly doorstop, a huge ugly graphic painting and some asian bento box things. The fly got tossed and then my then BF, the gift giver, asked where it was - oops.

But that dog stomach light - I actually love the tackiness of it.

Oh I did have someone give me two pillows that pulled my apt together and that I would have never bought myself.

If the gifter asks, for example, "Where is that darling solar-powered plastic frog I gave you?", tell them something like the following:

"Well, a friend of mine saw it and was absolutely smitten with it, and frankly although it was lovely it wasn't quite my taste, so I gave it to him/her."

It's a white lie, but hopefully it'll be enough to get the gifter to give you wine or chocolates next year.

Also that daschund lamp is cool! What is wrong with you people?

Penny, where can I find that radioactive weenie dog in your photo? I have a niece with a birthday coming up soon and I know she'd LOVE to have that. Thanks.

"It got broken in the last move, unfortunately".

We re-gifted some ghastly wedding presents (wooden statue of a cat with a large spring as its body, crystal swans etc) to a six-year-old girl, who was thrilled with them.

If you have a spare room (half bath, guest room) you put the least awful in there for a few months (or until the giver has a chance to see it in it's loveliness) and then take it to the thrift store.
In the meantime tell everyone that you are overflowing with things and you find it stressful to display or store them and you would really love ________. This is where you fill in with food, drink or gift certificates. Or ask them to only gift you once a year, repeating the overflowing from their generosity mantra till they begin to grasp it.
If they don't hear you then you are fully entitled to either return or donate the stuff.
I'm the recipient of some very "not me" jewelry from my mother. Since it was small stuff I kept it around till I knew she'd forgotten about it and then put it in various yard sales over the years. One woman's trash is... and all that jazz.

I think most gift givers (the one you want to keep around anyhow) just want you to enjoy the gift, even if it means selling the thing on Craigslist and using the cash to buy something more desired.

Personally, I'd rather the person just told me to my face it's not their taste. Why waste good money giving unwanted items? Then again, my skin may be thicker than most.

Weenie Dog Light- wrong on so many levels.

This has been a touchy subject at our house. My husband has accused me of hating everything his family has given us. I've tried to be sensitive, but some of the stuff is truly awful. My solution has been to leave it out for a couple weeks, then put away for a few months, then quietly donate to thrift store.

It took a few years, but my immediate family and closest friends finally believe me when I say, "I know you want to do something special to celebrate my birthday/graduation/engagement/whatever, but I really do have more than enough stuff. Let's just go do something fun together."

For everyone else, I just take the stuff to Goodwill and, if the giver asks (which hardly ever happens), I shamelessly blame my cats for knocking it over or throwing up on it. Then I say, "It was such a sweet present, but maybe, given those rascally cats, we should just go out to brunch next year."

I do have a waiting period, sometimes things can turn out to be useful even if you don't like them at first. But if I don't like it or use it I toss it in the goodwill box after about a month. I shuddered in disgust when my friends decided to shower me with 'ironic cowgirl paraphernalia' for my last birthday. I put the some of the things around my apartment, the 'sheriff' bathroom rug and the boot coinbank have survived, but the boot nightlight, the sheriff hat, the pins, and the ugly pink picture frame have all made their way to the trash.
I like the things that I kept and they remind me of my friends.

My family has this problem as well. My mom has been fighting against her mother, who is a compulsive accumulator of the most heinous cheap crap, for decades. We realized there is no stopping her, but my mom has trained everyone else to make a donation to the animal shelter she volunteers at (www.rbari.org) so she has less stuff to contend with overall. I've found that redirection towards charities is one of the most successful strategies.

Because I have things like wooden crosses and tin hearts mixed in with paintings and drawings on my walls, my brother got it through his head that I'm a collector of religious knick-knacks. He watches my cat over the weekend, and on most Sundays I will find a glow-in-the-dark Jesus or a pair of Buddha bookends tucked in among the shelves. He gets them at one of those 99 cents stores on Mission St. I let them sit in place for a while, and then I put them in the Goodwill box. He buys them in multiples, so they always show up again. I've told him several times that I don't want a lot of "stuff" and that I'm kind of particular, but it must be a compulsion of his, because every week there's something new.

It's none of my business what the recipient does with a gift once I've given it to him/her. If I receive a gift, the only rule is that I give appropriate effusive thanks that the giftgiver thought of me.

Anyone who quizzes me about the location of a gift is trying to regain equity interest. I'm allowed to lie and say the item was destroyed. In a fire.

I've received:

a new toilet seat from my mother every time I moved to a new apartment

a large framed poster of Marilyn Monroe (because of teh gay)

eight identical small navajo buttsex pillows

three used western-style recliners with lace-trimmed ruffle in robins egg blue with white pin dots for my third studio apartment - my uncle surprised me with these saying he thought I would appreciate them more than anyone else.

what exactly is a navajo buttsex pillow??

Goodwill. Life's too short to look at ugly crap.

Amen to that. I have enough ugly crap of my own I shoulda never bought.

Ugly gifts should be treated like a kitchen fire - extinguish immediately before it spreads.

My mother-in-law thinks that she's really nailed my style. Because she knows I like home decor books, she bought me one about shabby chic, flea market decorating. I hate that style. She knows I like the color red so she bought me a faux-ethnic boho red planter from World Market. It's outside on the back deck underneath a chair. She knows I like Asian-inspired design, so she bought me a paper weight with koi painted on it. She also once gave me a papier-mache painted spoon from Russia for no explicable reason, but was convinced I would LOVE it. Neither the spoon nor the paper weight made it in the last move. I think it's sweet that she's really tried to find the right things, but she just misses the mark.

Oh good grief - gifts are a nightmare! I wish everyone knew that gifts must be consumable: edible, washable or re-giftable!... with se7en kids, and people thinking everything needs to be fair, we often get se7en of the same hideous gift - often... Imagine se7en plastic nik-naks every time a relative travels... Or granny sees a "cool" teddy and buys se7en of them - and the nightmare begins... Just recently an acquaintance decided to take my kids on and has been showering them with toys from when her kids were little (ancient plastic junk - we are not talking quality classic toys). Sorry kids you can't have those - hmmm... Would you please STOP being so very kind to our kids... I used to be the world's best regifter but the junk is overwhelming and we just donate, donate, donate...

My grandmother is a compulsive shopper-I actually think that she is a bit of a hoarder. It is very overwhelming because everytime you see her you know you are going to get a boatload of crap. She has given me some very nice things but also many many things that are not my taste. I just give them to goodwill soon after I get them. Honestly she has given me so many knicknacks and kitchen goods that I don't think she remembers half the things anyway. I keep telling her I am all set for kitchen things and that I have a very small apartment but she doesn't listen. If your family is like mine you should just give stuff to goodwill too because there is no other way to deal with it. If they ask about it said you broke it or something. If your family is a little more open to reason maybe give them some direction, tell them to give you food gifts or gifts that would add to a collection of yours.

Tell them you are moving and you have to downsize. So far that has worked for me. No odd gifts in a year. I just keep saying I have not found the perfect apartment yet.

First an anal bead poster bed, now daschund vibrators and navajo buttsecks pillows. I love this site!

What really kills me is that the people with the least money always try to get me expensive, thoughtful presents and the ones with the most money give me random gift cards. If someone really tries to nail my style or they really did their best and spend some money that I know they probably needed for something else, I will add said knicknack to a vignette of weird/random/ugly gifts and it's always a conversation starter. But once I move, all bets are off, and stuff "breaks" in the process of packing and unpacking. When the opportunity presents itself though, I will take advantage of any way to pepper conversations with "I like clutter-free counters and shelves" or "I'm not into knickknacks" or I will say something like "so and so gave me a pretty set of blank note cards which I looove keeping on hand so I can correspond with friends." I also like the "consumable" gift idea, it's sort of like my note card thing.

Hi there,

Just thought I'd add this! Remember the old adages:

It's the thought that counts (cherish the love that came with the present but don't feel obliged to keep something that you don't like, it's your life and your home after all and when someone gifts something they're sending love not obligations!)

life is too short (to live with things you don't love)

Good luck!

ps You could announce that you support a certain charity and that you'd love people to send money to them too in honour of you at gift times? Adding of course that you cherish the gifts you receive but...!

Hahaha... I love the: "Goodwill. Life's too short to look at ugly crap."
It also counts for ugly clothes...
I went to school for fashion, and people always tend to give me clothes for my birthday.... I get 9 out of 10 pieces that are not my style. That's why I'm asking my friends and family to bring a donation for a children orphanage on my next birthday... that way I don't have to pretend I like the gifts.... and also they can spend their money on people with real needs!

What about when you receive a hideous gift in front of someone who knows you hate it? Like when my aunt gave me these horrific pillows, and I was all "oh, it's so sweet of you, these are amazing!" and my mom was almost crying trying to hold her laugh...

Thankfully, in my family and friends circle we usually attach a "gift receipt" to the gift itself. It allows the recipient to return it/exchange it but, if you like it, you don't see the price. Also, my best friend is amazing and for my birthday she's always in charge to collect all my friend's money and buy me something, and she usually just asks me what I want/need.

Usually, if I get clothes (this happens A LOT) and I really don't like the item, I'll just say I don't like how it fits me and ask for a gift card instead so I can go and try something on at the store.

For home-related stuff, I'll just blame my boyfriend. Like: "oh, that dog/lamp is truly wonderful and great, but (whisper) you know, last week I had a terrible argument with Eric bc he thinks I'm truly obsessed with dog lamps because I'd have them all over the house, so I think I should probably exchange it for something like... a package of vanilla scented candles?"

One of my aunts, who doesn't have a lot of money, gives me things she finds in the discount sections at Target or at 99 cent stores. Some things are useful. Others are ... not. But I know she puts a lot of thought into picking them out so I keep and use what I can, but otherwise they go to Goodwill or Easter Seals or friends who can use them.

I've tried to say that, really, I don't need anything, but the hints don't get taken. It's important to some of my relatives that they give me things, and luckily they live far enough away that they can't check up on what I still have in the house. I feel guilty giving things away, but not so guilty that I keep a ton of things I don't have room for and can't use.

I've been perfectly frank with all my loved ones and started a "no gift" policy. I have received so much crap over the years: interior, clothing, cheap toys for the kids, that I got fed up. I tell people to donate money to the rainforest, or just suffice with giving me their love. It's worked great!

There's nothing like giving a bottle of wine - save (stylishly, of course), drink, re-gift … no prob.

Around here, this is the norm, and what a blessing. I mean, I love dogs, but DANG!

I think id depends on who gives you the gift:

- If it's your hoarding grandmother who won't listen, then just give it to goodwill.

- if it's your sister or friend who you think will listen, thank them for the gift but tell them that you really don't need anything more for the home and you like it the way it is and maybe next time just to bring flowers.

Oh god. My mum is terrible for bad presents - she doesn't have a good relationship with my sister or I so tends to throw money at a lot of random crap, most of which misses the mark. Last Christmas I wound up with a set of square, black plates (would have been cool so far even if I'm not a huge minimal/modern fan) which unfortunately were printed with awful Chinese-style robes in lurid orange and green. Apparently being a Japanese major = "She likes Asian stuff, right? These are totally Asian!" I've tried responding gently that her gifts aren't really my taste and I'm fine not having gifts from her, but she gets very offended and snotty so instead they go straight to the donation box. For most gifts I try to have them around for a month or so, but if I still haven't found a use, they get donated.

Love the idea of disappearing gifts, and the list is surprisingly long. Chocolates, scents, soaps, candles, movie rental gift certificate along with popcorn and soda, wine, flowers, gourmet cheeses, and my teenage cousins' all time favourite house-warming gift...... was a huuuuge pack of toilet paper.

My brother's first house-warming 90 (yes you read correctly!) people showed up, they brought food, they brought drinks, they brought all the needed cutlery, etc, and when they left, they gave him whatever leftovers he wanted.

Two of my friends have their birthdays within a week of mine. We call each other at a random time within the month and ask 'what was your last purchase?'. Whatever it was, we pretend that came from the other person. Can lead to hilarious conversations......

a full tank of gas, thanks pal
good grief, hygiene products???
nice top, thanks, and you got the right size...... good job!
tictacs!!!, after I was so nice and got you just what you wanted.....

life is is more fun when you're not watching friends and family toss cash down toilet..........

I take them to work and display them in my office!

Gifts of note include a Louisiana novelty license plate that a friend bought for me while she was on her honeymoon, a frog-patterned weighted bookmark, hot pink fun-fur seatbelt cozies, a set of golf-themed drink coasters (I'm not a golfer), and a Christmas tree ornament made out of wooden laundry pegs that looks like a reindeer from the front and a rabbit from the back (aside from the obvious anatomical issues with that one, I'm Jewish).

I once made an offhand, somewhat positive comment about jigsaw puzzles to my mother-in-law, and now I get a new jigsaw puzzle for every birthday. They are inevitably something cringeworthy like a Thomas Kinkade painting, so I unload them on eBay or donate them to a local assisted living facility.

Contact all your relatives before your next birthday and say that you've decided you're lucky to have so much, and in the current economic climate please can people make contributions to charity, or give you a gift that takes up no space (trip to spa, theatre tickets, etc.)

With stuff you've already got you will probably develop my clumsy habits and 'accidentally' break things (in reality give it to Good Will). Don't go overboard on saying how upset you are though - as they'll buy you another one!

I remeber staying in an apt in Paris about ten years ago.
The room was tiny, like most parisian flats, but elegantly decorated : there was a lovely lemon-tree wood desk, a basic sofa and a green carpet (in the style of the day), but behind the door, there was this most awful lamp.
The body of the lamp was a ceramic or resin bust of Pierrot the clown, hands clasped under a tilted head and eyes looking upwards towards a gaudy beaded-and-fringed shade.
I made the remark to my friend, who pointed out
1 - that lamp doesn't match anything in the room
2 - it's half hidden behind a door
conclusion : it must be a gift.
And then I understood why it was placed on a pedestal behind the door, patiently awaiting the day when someone would open the door a bit too violently sending Pierrot to a shattered death.
So that could be another solution for you: place fragile objects in a place where guests are likely to break them. With some luck the gifter will break it him/herself....

Why to not worn your family and friends? After a few blunders I decided to say honestly " I am wierd and if you want to give it to me something - buy me a cake or flowers"
Ones I got awful plastic hourse statuette from my cousin and I put in under my bed. The problem was when my cousin visited me and she let fall a ball (she played with my son) and when she bended down for it, she saw the statuette. She said nothing, only looked at me and I felt sooo bad!!!
I said myself that this is the last time!

It really works :) I don't get any wired gifts anymore and when I get someting it's what I want, becuse we all know how it is with gifts and spoke a lot about it each other. When we want to buy someting we do a recognition, what this person really want to have and if it's really expensive we do collection.
There is always someone who knows ;) I am also very attentive, when I am on shopping with my friend. That really helps ;)


I am sorry for my mistakes (I am not American)

Uumm, basement?

Like many others said, just because they know I like interior design people think they can´t go wrong with something for my house. Well, turns out they can. Sometimes I think I should really educate them. I mean, buy me flowers and I´m a happy girl. But then again, how to educate my mother in law that I don´t need another one of those candle holders?

Basement it is.

I knew I'd love reading these comments.

After a few years of receiving cat gifts (bad, bad cat gifts) for Xmas just because I happened to have a couple of cats I read my family the riot act. I told them no more cat gifts and if they wouldn't mind, could they give me consumables only. May sound crass, but it did the trick.

We all have too much stuff anyway, and the things I actually need are too costly for anyone to give me and I would never expect it. I'd rather have something to eat that I can share with people.

Everyone will have a different policy. If it came from immediate family (or a friend who gave me something from their travels) who I knew was really trying (and it was more of a one time deal), then I'd try to display it proudly somewhere as long as possible.

If it's just another item someone is giving for the sake of it, then it will either get regifted (like this huge ice tea maker my mom gave me - my sister-in-law has it now) and if it came up, I would just mention she saw it and really wanted it.

I try to convince both our families (mine and the fiance's) that we would love to get either money or gift certificates instead of gifts - then we can pick out whatever we need or just splurge (maybe a fancy night on the town). Most people are getting the hint - my mother has not, but luckily she has a little bit of a sense of my style.

In the days of Caesar Clintonus, there did dwell a child at home whose mother collected Christmas mouse ornaments. Each Christmas season, they did infest and adorn the home. Once someone gave her a Halloween mouse and she was sore distressed. She did place it upon the kitchen island and lament greatly. Verily, I say unto thee, an angel of the Lord swooped down upon the mouse and with a smite of her mighty hand, did send the mouse crashing down upon the hardwood floor where it did break into many tiny pieces of plaster.

The avenging angel routine works, as does leaving the "treasure" in a precarious location. Then you can honestly say "Oh, no, it broke!"

Once, a boss got the idea I collected angels. I displayed it for the Christmas season when I had the office party in my home. Tragically, it broke "during storage the next year".

Perhaps that is a bit passive aggressive...?

You people are all crazy. That dog-light is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen! Have you no sense of humor? Have you no humanity?!

Please feel free to send any and all wiener dag lamps to me. Once I make them cool, all of you will be paying 500 bucks a pop for them on eBay!

Growing up my parents received a tacky plaster plaque. It took several tries to "accidentally" break it. It was quite amusing taking turns smashing this gift that just wouldn't break.

Some gifts don't easily fall prey to the accidental breakage tactic.

A few years ago, I started asking family and friends what they would -really- like for their birthday. I have been giving useable and wanted gifts ever since. It's started to rub off on some :o)

Also, when inviting people for your birthday, one can add something like "and as a present, I would love if you made your famous apple pie and brought it to the party".

Oh goodness... I just had this prob with wedding presents! It was very sweet to get solar paneled light up frogs...but really, they shouldn't have.

My plan is usually to put it somewhere they would notice it once, then disappear it to the basement (to await yard sales). I know it's harsh, but that way they see I used it at some point!

OR just keep it in a box & regift it! Ha!

For some reason I have been given about a dozen jewelry boxes over the years. Tiny ones, big ones, painted porcelain, heavy silver, heart shaped, polished wood, antique, pink plastic, red velvet, red silk, travel pouches....

The odd thing is -- I really don't wear a lot of jewelry. Occasionally I'll wear the ring my grandfather gave me when I graduated. Other than that I switch between a pair of tiny diamond studs, pearl studs, or mini silver hoops. That's it.

I have a few necklaces, a braclet or two, and 3 rings I inherited from my grandmothers that I store. I'm mystified about why my family thinks that I need a new box to hold these every holiday.

Shantiquax,
Imagine if your brother re-purchases an item that you donated to a Goodwill. That would be funny.

I'd only display the handful of objects you like the most, and keep those out (rotating as new things come in). If anyone asks about the hideous tsotchke they got you, you can tell them that you loved it, but because your space is so limited, you can really only keep out the one item from them that you love the most, which is the [thing] you have in the [upstairs bathroom, basement rec room, &c.]. This route serves the triple purpose of (a) getting you to display some things that might not be exactly your taste but have sentimental value, (b) limiting the amount of things you have to keep/do that with, and (c) setting up an easy way to send a clear but polite hint that you don't need any more household objects.

If you're receiving these items from elderly relatives, there probably isn't much you can do to dissuade them. Just display their gifts when the visit.

For younger relatives, make a point of mentioning that your home really has more than enough stuff, or that it's so cluttered that you're afraid that you're about to start giving things away. If they can't take a hint, flat out tell them that you've got too many things around; if they'd really like to give you a gift, flatter them and say that all you really want is a nice dinner out with them or a batch of their famous cookies.

Solution for almost all tacky figurines and ugly knick-knacks:

Spray paint with high-gloss white, arrange on shelf together.

My hubby and I don't live near any family so we can Goodwill it, exchange it, etc. It is still sad though because of the intention of gifts. I just wish items tastefully went with our home.

We have tried to ask for no gifts at all but that doesn't seem to be an option. So the new strategy this year is nuts. We go through a lot of nuts (walnuts, almonds, etc.) and ask folks to send us nuts in gift packages.

LOL @ bork
is the story to curious givers then that it "accidently" fell into a bucket of paint?

I actually want that dog... anyone know where I can get it? I think it's cute and it would go great in my kitchen.

Now that we have facebook each person should make a list of the things they would like to own in the future. Your family and friends (the ones on FB at least) can look up what you like and get it for you. In my case they would not bcs about 90% of my taste is out of the price range of what a gift should cost. But at least you won't end up with crapola that you do not want or need.

This is the funniest post we have had in a while. loving it :-)

Tackiest gift we ever got: our own wedding invitation, burned around the edges to make it look "antique", then framed. We threw it out since the people who gave it to us never visited our home. We aren't the type to hang a wedding invite, anyway.

that is an awesome lamp

Blame the children when its "missing"

I usually try to send conversation into a direction like. "Thank you so much for the lamp. Oh, did I show you this plant X gave me? I love plants. I can never have too many plants!"

That usually does the trick, at least for people who live nearby. I find that if is has to be sent through the mail people think harder about sending you junk anyway.

I have a friend who stores the ugly things in a hall closet and pulls them out only when the giver of the ugly thing is coming to visit. I always thought that was the nicest thing to do, if you have the room. Then, after a long while and a few visits, you can get rid of it. Even they would forget what they gave you.

It sounds completely counterintuitive for gift giving - we're supposed to give what we think they want, not what we want, right? But I've found that people tend to get me what I give them. If I give gift cards, that's what I get back most of the time. If I give food, that's generally what I get back. So I've learned, if I dont' want it, don't give it.

We have actually turned this issue into a joke amongst my family members. A few years ago, freshly married, my well-meaning sister gave me a lamp she thought I would absolutely love for our first home. It was a lamp in the shape of a purse made out of a shiny silver material with a feather boa trim and a purse handle made of glass beads. I sure did appreciate the humor and promptly re-gifted to another new bride for her new home. It has been passed bride to bride now. For all its tackiness it is now a beloved family tradition.

We addressed it head on by saying, when someone asks where that hideously freakish tchotchke they'd gifted happens to reside, that it found a happy home through eBay and the proceeds went to benefit the local animal shelter or food bank in their name. I'm honest about having inherited to the point of excess & emotional breakdown, about having to get tough about what stays (only what I love or what has historical emotional significance to the family) and what goes (everything else and absolutely everything considered excess including gifts from dear friends who love to torture me with Superman cr*p). I now make donations to charity, gift homemade foods (which I also do professionally), my favorite book or music from this past year or wine to be cellared. It completely changed our conversations about gifting, about our ideal homes, and about spending wisely and in a socially conscious manner. And now we have more free time to drink wine when we're not finding the 'perfect place' for hideous tchotchkes! What a relief!

Being a dog fancier, I know many people who would LOVE this lamp and I'd love to know where to buy it in Canada.

Clearly beauty is in the eye of the beholder -- count me in for loving that wiener dog lamp! Then again, I am a doxie lover and just about anything depicting those long bodies and short little legs makes me laugh. I would also love to know where I could find one -- I think I could make it work in an ironic way.

And I'll also add another vote for consumable or experience oriented gifts -- that's what I like to give, and also receive :)

Always give something that "you" love and let the receiver know that your birthday is right around the corner. Soon you will be giving the perfect gifts!

For Christmas 2001, one of my aunt's, who is notorious for horrible gifts, took it to a whole new level: a faux wood framed grainy picture of the World Trade Center with light-up windows that didn't work and a chromed plastic plaque attached to the bottom reading "Never Forget".

Believe me, I won't.

Sometimes it was best to pass along unwanted gifts within the same holiday, esp. if the gift was perishable. Showing up a Xmas gatherings at the last minute, I have found myself lavished with last-minute emergency gifts reserved for unexpected guests. Things like Rubiks cubes, a cd of music by someone I have no interest in, hollow plastic candy canes with sample-sized liqueors in them (don't drink), holiday popcorn tins with the contents divided into 4 (different flavors), etc etc etc. I graciuosly accepted and usually passed them along to someone at the next party, or just discreetly left them sitting there amongst wrappings and presents.

Because I love you all...

I searched for that Dachshund lamp. It was previously available from What on Earth. It appears to be discontinued. But do you love SQUIRRELS!??! Oh yes, friends...

http://www.whatonearthcatalog.com/whatonearth/Item_Squirrel-Lamp_AX7692_ps_srm.html

And for those that can't let go of the Dachshund and crave that Tiffany style, I give you:

http://www.collectiblestoday.com/ct/product/prdid-301248001.jsp?cm_ven=Shopping&cm_cat=MSN&cm_pla=Direct&cm_ite=301248001-Dachshund%20Sculptural%20Louis%20Comfort%20Tiffany-Style%20Lamp:%20Unique%20Dachshund%20Lover%20Home%20Decor%20Lamp

Please don't say I never did anything for you...

This is what Miss Manners would say. Thank them kindly pack it up and when they come over pull it out and make sure it's on display. You can always make it known how you love how your home came together and how you like to keep things minimalist. In addition I feel that after you are sure they have forgotten about it you can get rid of it and if they ask say how some mishap broke it, or if it can't break it got lost somehow.

I have found that for me, giving as many immediate family members a list for Christmas and/or birthdays and try to let it be known my general style.

I also am on the lookout as to what to give members of the family. If I see something someone needs, I try to get them that, especially if they still need it when it becomes closer to the holidays.

One year 2 nieces wanted new clock radios and I got them each one, didn't spend too much, but I DID check them out and ensured it was easy to dial in a station, sounded OK etc first and got them each a different model/brand as my criteria for gift giving are things I KNOW the recipient will either enjoy or need, such as a special CD mix or something like that or something I KNOW they could use and it's been amazing how many of what I've given over the years have been used by said recipient.

But as many hear have noted, either the person doesn't know what to give or can't get a clue as to what would be appreciated by a particular gift giver.

Right now I"m not asking for anything for the house other than the odd item or two I find I need (usually to replace something else) but I try to be conciensious of what the recipient of my gift will need/want/could use.

If a gift is handmade, I will keep it, even if I only trot it out when the gift giver is around. I can't bring myself to get rid of things that people put effort into.

If gifts are purchased from a store, I don't feel bad about selling them, returning them, or passing them to someone else if that's what feels right.

This thread is great!

I have trouble with my mum. Like nessaneko, we don't have a great relationship with her, and it kind of kills me cos she tries so hard. Last go round she got me a vintage linen cross stitched table cloth. It's beautiful - but it's also pink and floral, two things I am NOT.

My grandma has closets and closets full of clothes she's worn once or not at all. (Serious. They were a family of eight, and ALL of their wardrobes have been taken over) Since I am closest to the size she used to be, I get a lot of it. Most of it is gorgeous and expensive, but often not my style. I usually give it time in my wardrobe and if it doesn't get worn, I pass it on - either to a friend or to goodwill. As she says herself 'it's too nice not to be worn', so leaving it in my cupboard isn't the best way to appreciate the gift.

A couple years ago I asked for a magazine subscription, and it gets renewed it every year at christmas. It's always my favourite present, and it's actually a great consumable gift because every time the other person gets it, they think of you (hopefully warmly!)

I think that the general themes of; it's the thought that counts, not the gift, therefore it's ok to get rid of it and; if they won't listen if you tell them not to, you are allowed to do whatever you like, are great ones. If you think nasty thoughts everytime you see that horrible statue or bowl, then it's not really doing what the gift intended, is it? Not nice for anyone...

Also, who asks about their gifts?! Unless it's 'did it fit' or 'did you end up using it? Because if not, would you like me to take it back and get something more you', how rude!

Blandwagon I do the same thing!

A "friend" of mine always sees "it" and just LOVES "it" and since she's been feeling sad/depressed lately I give it to her to cheer her up. And she always promises to give it back if she decides she doesn't want it, anymore.

That's my excuse if whatever it is can't "break" first.

Some of these comments are hilarious! I am so lucky that my family, even my new in-law family, knows my unique style rather well. If they know something is particularly me then they go for it, otherwise, they steer clear of decor items. They know how fussy I can be about my house! But, they have done awesome at finding things that are "me" so far! I am really blessed!

http://www.makemineeclectic.wordpress.com

put it in your laundry room.

but i absolutely love this lamp. anyone know where i could find one? i like kitschy things.

Here is the weiner dog lamp on ebay
http://cgi.ebay.com/Stained-Glass-DACHSHUND-Dog-Lamp_W0QQitemZ360156903724QQcmdZViewItem

Probably put on ebay from someone who received it as a gift.

Y'all are cracking me up!

JoeyBrill - imagine the wonder and delight when you bring those rare and authentic Navajo Buttseks Pillows to some future Antiques Roadshow!

RedEngine88 - That squirrel lamp? You've never done anything for me. *wink*

Ok, so - for some reason, my family was under a collective delusion that I loved cows. While I do appreciate the animal (especially when slathered with BBQ sauce), I never aimed to desire "cow" as a decor theme. The last straw came one Christmas when my brother proudly presented me with an enormous decorative bowl, hand-painted with a bucolic barn and cow scene.

I proclaimed this the ultimate gift EVAR, wondered aloud how anything could possibly top THIS, and called for a moratorium on cow gifts. Bro was, I think, offended (he's sensitive to the possibility of sarcasm); I have received no cows since.

To the general point: I think a person who inquires as to the disposition of her thoughtful solar frog or cow bowl is seeking a kind of reassurance that she, herself, is valued. And the recipient's guilt about not appreciating said item is an unnecessary waste of time. It's possible to reassure Aunt Edna that she is appreciated without referencing the item itself - thank her for her time spent and thoughtfulness, without mentioning the actual product. "It was so wonderful of you to think of us, thank you" should suffice.

I had to think long and hard about the worst gift I ever received, and in the end it wasn't so bad after all: last Christmas my boyfriend's parents gave us a set of sheets. They are lovely and soft and comfy and - most importantly - they fit our odd-shaped bed perfectly. They are also a neon yellow that I swear glows in the dark. Sigh - at least when I'm sleeping my eyes are closed.

I'm still wondering what the hell a navajo Buttsex pillow is.

Volvoguy -- I read every single comment hoping to find out.

You wouldn't believe the crap my cats break on me. It's like every time someone gifts me an ugly nick-knack my cats just knock it off the table and it smashes to bits. They are SO bad!

I've read every comment and even laughed out loud at the squirrel lamp. It is weird. Instead of the worst gifts I've ever gotten, it got me thinking about the worst gifts I've (inadvertently) given. When my sister bought her first home, she had a couple of prints of outhouses in her upstairs bathroom. Next Christmas I gave her a lamp of an outhouse complete with moon-shaped cutout on door! I wonder if she sometimes shakes her head and thinks, "What WAS my sister thinking?"

Figure it this way:

Either: they hate you and want you to suffer, in which case it really isn't your job to deliver on that. Or,

They really wanted you to enjoy this thing and it just so happens that you don't. So say "Thanks! How incredibly wonderful and bizarre!" and then put it in your Goodwill pile after they leave. Or give it to your secret Santa.

If they ask about it later and you really feel like you have to lie, you can say "Oh, I loved it but I just couldn't figure out where..." or just "huh. I wonder where that is." Otherwise just say "I love that you were thinking of me but I'm really not that into (plastic | daschunds | buttsex)." And leave it at that.

Honestly, it is good to be honest.

I have it a little easier since my in-laws can't be bothered to come to my house (why go to Brooklyn when there are fine hotels in Manhattan?) but my real puzzle with them is the cast-offs. The ugly rug (which I'm sure is a fine, fine rug, but if it wasn't ugly you would want it for your own floors, which you don't, because it is ugly) or the bathroom accessories (ditto, minus the workmanship) or the lamp (which isn't ugly but it is a table lamp and if you'd ever been to our freaking home you'd know we don't want it." Just say "no." as graciously as you can muster. Say, it is really nice of you to think of us but we don't want that. And, honestly, the really lovely fine china water pitcher, which is fine china but what am I supposed to *do* with it? Put it where?

I think part of our challenge is that our family hasn't worked their head around our overall advancing age. We're not 22 anymore. We've replaced almost all of our crap hand-me-downs with things we actually want. So if we want anything to change we have to stick up for ourselves.

And, BayRidger makes a good point: I mean, is she really insulted that Sis hasn't designed her decor around that lamp? No. Did she feel really good about buying it? Probably. Would she feel better or worse knowing that sis spent the last four years staring at that damn lamp thinking "so ugly ... but love sister ... but so ugly ... but love sister"? So much worse.

Isn't it odd that no one thinks that "THEY" are an offending giver? :)

Does anyone else think that the whole "making a donation to charity in lieu of a gift" though somewhat admirable is a really ungrateful stance? At least you have friends or family that WANT to give you things. If any of my friends told me they hated gifts, I would be a little taken aback. Accept the gift for heaven sake! Hinting around or asking to be taken out to lunch with your loved ones... that seems more gracious (and fun.)

"The room-flattering amber glow is complemented by antique brass-finished details, including two acorns nestled between the squirrel's tiny feet.

So, not only is this poor, prayerful squirrel suffering a glowing ass, it also has--wait for it--a set of brass "acorns".

I could not have this in my home. I would dissolve into hysterics every time I saw it.

AbbyNormal - I understand your point exactly and feel the same. I tend to usually just try to make a point to ask most people what they are wanting around the holidays (or their birthdays, anniversaries, etc) so I know I am getting the right thing. But I have been known to go the slightly impersonal route of gift cards - I try to keep that for people I didn't honestly know what to get them and I feel at least they can pick out something they will really like and be able to remember that I paid for it.

I dunno. My extended family finally got it together to pool what they would have spent on x-mas gifts and donate it to Heifer International. It got us out of the "who is actually coming to Aunt Andrea's this year?" maze.

We put some charities on our wedding registry and people gave to them -- I think we said something like "look, we're over 30 and we have what we need. If you want to make our home more comfortable, donate to these people around us who are making our city more comfortable." I think a lot of people feel like they need to give you *something* and it is good to let them off the hook.