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I usually try and stray away from the couple's gift registery only because I like challenge myself to find them something cooler or more personal. In the past I've given everything from a Wine of the Month club membership to a charity donation in the couple's name. Both of these things can be done online and even an hour before the wedding.

Perhaps a gift certificate for their favorite restaurant (that requires personal knowledge that other may not have) or some place fancy that they don't normally splurge on.

Other good ideas are a nice set of tools or a home maintanence book. "Home Comforts" by Cheryl Mendelson is good. If they live out west, perhaps the "Sunset Western Garden Book" or similar.

My boyfriend and I were in a similar predicament for his friend back home. We went to the MoMA store for inspiration and lucked out. They carry a glass dish that can be used as a candy dish, potpourri dish, filled with water and a floating flower/candle, etc. and has two birds perched on its edge--all in one piece of glass. It's elegant and I think the two "love birds" are very wedding appropriate.

Recently, we gave orchids to few couples. My husband loves them. And the newlyweds can put it into their home :). I don´t like buying things according the register.

I like to give "breakfast in bed" trays. They're the sort of indulgence that few people buy for themselves, and you can usually find them at all price points.

J.Crew offers a personal and affordable gift that will literally last a lifetime.

For around $20 you can have the bride's new initials embroidered in "something blue" on a grosgrain ribbon to sew inside her gown.

For the price, the packaging and sentiment is truly unique and thoughtful.

I agree about straying...

One of my faves was a cd-collection of Canadian music for a friend who was marrying an American and moving permanently to the U.S. -- they loved it, and most of the 12 albums i chose became HUGE hits and are now classics.

Another present was their first home -- a really good tent. The couple in question loved camping, and it was a group present.

One time, I gave salt. A book about salt, different salt and pepper shakers, bowls, etc., and artisanal salts.

Once, we made the wedding cake (this was one of those "no present" weddings).

A crate of good wines to cellar would be lovely for wine lovers (to go with the crystal on the lists).

Having just got married myself, and only having an online registry at Gaiam (a lot of older folks don't really get how to do that), we recommended some local places on our website where we'd love(and USE) gift cards. Doesn't seem really personal, but we were all about getting stuff we'd actually use. As a bride, I would've totally been okay with the following:

Not terribly personal: A "green" cleaning kit; plants(!).

More personal: Help stock their kitchen cupboard with things you know they like. For instance, their favorite coffees, wines, crackers, etc.

And, even more personal: A (sensual) game for couples...? This one is quite personal, and you'd have to know the couple well enough to know if they'd actually play it..and not be insulted by your graciousness ;-)

One gift we received, that was unexpected but we're definitely looking forward to using, is a couples' massage. One of my favorite gifts (a gift to me from my best friend) was an Aveda gift box with a robe, candle, and many wonderful Aveda products - you could give a couple getting married a box each!

something personal to them: a framed old map of the place they met/went on honeymoon. gift certificate to the restaurant where they went on their first date. something creative with their wedding invitation?
i bought one couple the cookbook for their favorite restaurant while they were dating (they dont live in that city anymore). i know a friend that gives couples a year of picnics- once a month they can order from her- she makes a great meal, packs it up and sends them to the park. something that makes them have a romantic day once a month seems sweet.

the point is, something with thought and sentiment.

I was at a wedding shower yesterday at my church and a friend gave the couple a lovely and simple handmade gift. She had printed out Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

(You can read the translation she used here: http://bible.crosswalk.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?new=1&word=Ecc. 4%3A9-12&section=2&version=nlt&language=en )

She braided three lengths of embroidery floss in their wedding colors and put it together with the scripture in a pretty frame. It was a truly heartfelt gift that the couple will cherish for years to come.

A small discreet photo frame and a fat check to help cover those wedding/honeymoon expenses.

i love giving homemade gift baskets. usually i will take something off the registry, like a bread knife, and inside a bread basket with a nice towel(to cover warm bread) add that with a small bamboo cutting board,good olive oil and seasonings. sometimes if i don't like whats on the registry or there isn't one, i will fill a basket with things such as a fancy vanilla extract, olive oils, spices...etc.

A beautiful chess set would be a great wedding gift. My husband and I try to play once a week, and even though there may be a tiny bit of trash talk, we cherish that time.

I usually go for a waffle iron and my great great great (I think) grandmother's recipe from the 1800s. I always write a little note about my family memories from childhood consist of eating waffles in Sundays (which is true). Maybe they have a waffle iron and maybe they return it, but the recipe and story is one of a kind, thoughtful and with the economic ups and downs I have faced in the past year or so, relatively inexpensive ($50-$75).

The one thing that I will say about not buying things from the registry is that many people really want the things they register for and may have different taste than we do. I can't tell you how many things I have not gotten because they were ugly but the bride thought they were beautiful. I would say unless the gift is unique and different, buy from the registry.

I guess I'm on the safe side on this one - I have regularly given gift certificates from Crate and Barrel for weddings, if everything else on their registry has already been purchased. While I would like something - anything from MOMA - I won't assume someone else would.

I do like the idea of a gift certificate to a couple's favorite restaurant - i get that regularly as a xmas gift.

I started making wedding quilts for friends, and now everyone is lining up for one. They get to pick the colors and a few patterns - those I know well enough get a suprise I pick out.

I just went to a wedding this weekend. I thought they didn't have a registry but it turns out it was easier to search under the groom's name.

I considered getting them a nice liquor....something a little more indulgent than one would purchase for themselves...or something they could save for a future anniversary. OR I knew they spent a lot of time in the garden and she was into extra large old world roses so I was also considering a gift certificate to a nursery specializing in this....

Fortunately however they did have a registry and I ended up purchasing them a schmancy kettle. Which is also nice because we're always discussing tea, and she even brought me back some from her last trip to China.

I also like combining things off of the registry with more personal gifts. I got one friend the bakeware he registered for and complimented it with some gourmet mixes/ingredients. For another friend, I got her the sheets she had registered with along with a serving tray for a "breakfast in bed" theme.

my go-to wedding gift is something from jessica rust. she makes beautiful personalized dessert sets that everyone loves, but probably no one would buy for themselves. her stuff can be found on www.rustdesigns.com.

I usually try and give people whats on their registry but add a bit of a personal touch, for instance a friend registered for margarita glasses so I added a pitcher and margarita salt dishes. So if you know they love wine then get them a set of wine glasses and a nice bottle that they wouldn't drink every day or for foodies who's their favorite chef? Get them their cookbook and a GS to their restaurant(if possible)...you get the idea.

However if they don't have a registry try and figure what they need or love...friends had a party before their small family wedding and i noticed they had mix and match plates but liked this one pattern - i would up giving them several more pieces. Their happy reaction was 'how did you know????'

If all else fails try www.maxwellsilverny.com its a little more unique than Crate and Barrel. My favorite on their list is Global Table.

Hope this helps!

Thank you Phoenixlala! A lot of people still get married when they are just getting out of college and have nothing. My husband and I needed all of the dinnerware, linens, stemware etc, that we registered for. The few presents that didn't come from the registry were mostly returned (what a hassle).

If there is no registry, I would buy something cool from Etsy - a picture frame, homemade candles or guest soaps.

we usually look at the registry to get an idea of someone's taste (ornate or simple, etc) and give a serving piece or crystal vase. for couples who entertain, you can never have enough serving pieces!

As much I love that bowl/knicknack/appliance, chances are that the HC won't love it, so my default is a gift card for Target (assuming that they have easy access to one). Totally unromantic and generic, but every time I've given one, I always get a thank you gushing about how practical and useful it is -- I guess that they got one-too-many useless gifts!

That said, I like the idea of a "green" cleaning basket or a "breakfast in bed" basket.

i also think gift baskets are really nice.

my friend made us a gift basket with a rolled up throw blanket, a popcorn bowl, gourmet popcorn, 2 mugs, hot chocolate packets and a blockbuster gift certificate for a night in.

i thought it was really nice because she knew we liked to stay in and watch movies.

you could do the same for a couple who loves to cook with a recipe card, and the non-parishable ingredients.

robes, candles, massage oils- for a more personal basket.

if your friends like to read you could do bookstore giftcards and coffee/tea with mugs

the green cleaning basket is also a really good idea!

I love to give gift certificates for activities that the couple can do together, such as cooking classes, a big book of movie theater passes combined with a few restaurant gift certificates for ready-made date nights, a gift certificate for a nearby bed and breakfast, season theater passes, etc.

It is often easy to combine the gift with something like a cookbook for presentation.

I think these gifts are personal and thoughtful, but they are also often less expensive than traditional gifts or gift certificates for a specific amount.

This year we travelled to Vancouver for a wedding. The groom is a long time friend of my boyfriend, but he wasn't sure on what the couple's personal tastes were. We opted to buy them a hostess set and a serving platter from their registry. It turns out that they had suffered a house fire a couple months before the wedding, so their registry was full of necessary household items. They were very grateful for the gifts.

Please, please - if there is a registry and you can afford something on there, do buy something from that. I can't tell you how many friends I have who ended up having to spend savings because they got nothing but gifts that were beautiful but not practical. One of my best friends got handmade soap, beautiful bowls, and gourmet cooking items, but didn't get silverware, cups, or any dishes. They had NOTHING. And it was all because someone wanted to give "that special unique gift." It's a fine sentiment, but a registry is there for a reason - mixing it would be fine, but at least cover the basics.

One wedding I went to, I got them crystal from their registery. I had just recently become good friends with them and didn't trust my knowledge of their taste.

The wedding where my twin and I were Maids of Honor, we got them a crystal candy dish in the bride's favorite pattern of moons and stars.

I've always wanted an excuse to give a bride and groom a beautiful prism and the phrase "So you'll have rainbows, day after day." But they'd have to be fans of the song Que Sera Sera to get it. "When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my sweetheard what lies ahead. Will there be rainbows, day after day? Here's what my sweetheart said..."

I try to think of things they would love but wouldn't buy for themselves. If they like to entertain pretty table linens would be good. Or a set of classic movies (chosen by you to fit their idea of "classic") for them to enjoy. One of my parents' friends gave them 50' dragon kites with actors faces on them. The actors shared my parents' names. We still fly the one that hasn't gotten eaten by a tree.

Err, yes, get the couple things they want from the registry, IF there IS a registry... however, the question is, what to do when there isn't one?

The wedding gift I remember the most, after 37 years, was a glass bowl from Tiffanys, so I buy all my wedding gifts from Tiffanys. Also, I have heard from more than one bride that they remember gifts NOT on their registry more than other gifts. Finally, after attending 4 weddings a year for more than 4 years, I finally chose one terrific crystal bowl from Tiffanys and order them four at a time after the wedding season. Unless the bride and groom are still in school. Then I give money.

Totally agree with Inkstainedwriter; it might be unimaginative to stick with the registry, but it is stuff they like/want/need. They might not find your "unique, cool" gift to be either.

My brother married a hippie who whines endlessly about things not being green enough to suit her hyper-environmental preferences. I gave them a couple of cases of Seventh Generation toilet paper made of recycled paper and she loved it. Practical, and it managed to shut her up for awhile.

subscriptions to home or design magazines.

a gift certificate to a hardware store for a drill, screwdrivers or gardening needs.

a check with the suggestion to frame the invitation or wedding photo...

music via i-tunes or e-music, or a year of netflix.

yes, Target, my go-to...

I'm in the camp for buying something from the registry and enhancing it. All these years after getting married, I still remember the frustration of trying to return well-intentioned but unnecessary/inappropriate/duplicate items, when the things we registered for (and did not get) were the things we really needed.

One of my favorite gifts received? A circular baking stone which we had registered for, placed in a gift basket and complemented with a personal recipe for pizza dough, plus all the non-perishable ingredients necessary for making homemade pizza. 10 years later, we use that baking stone for various things nearly every week, and those pantry items came in handy even if we did not immediately use them for pizza.

Admittedly a baking stone was not one of the more "luxury" items on our registry and not strictly necessary for setting up house, but we have remembered it so long because though it was something we asked for it was also very personalized.

Depends on the couple... I try to get something from the registry (if there is one), but more often than not I end up giving a bottle of wine or mead that my hubby and I've made. And I always make a point of sending a card to the couple for their first anniversary. We had friends do the same for us and it made us feel so special that they took the time to congratulate us on the first year.

These are great ideas, folks! My #1 rule is to buy off the registry. It's there for a reason. However, if there is no registry, I order from museum gift shops. They always have unique, creative, and beautiful gifts!

Love the restaurant gift certificate idea, thought!

Do you know where they are going for their honeymoon? You could get them money in the local currency. We gave friends of ours Euros for their trip to Italy. It saves them from having to go directly to the cash machine when they land.

Nice towels, linen or woollen blankets - even couples in well-established households might not have been able to indulge in good quality stuff and will remember you fondly when they use your gift

I always stray off the list --

What I have given in recent years is a great medium to large vessel (vase/jar/piece of pottery) -- usually something to the couple's taste. Along with a note that speaks to the vessel's purpose, namely that they use it to throw in their spare change and save for future fun. And I often throw in a bit of seed money as well. That way they can look at the vessel a year later and not only remember their wedding but they get to enjoy something new as well.

I've given 3 Le Creuset pots to 3 different couples and they've all gone over well!

I was recently married and didn't have a registry because we already have everything we need. We told people they didn't have to get us anything, but if they really wanted to they could donate to our "Honeymoon Fund" or our "Down-Payment-on-a-House Fund". We got zero presents and a bunch of money. It was great. People were incredibly generous. Actually some friends contributed directly to the wedding by bringing a keg of homemade beer, another friend donated 3 cases of wine from his family's wine company. My cousin's gift was doing all the flower arrangements and bouquets.

I guess my point is people always appreciate cash.

Find out where they're going on their honeymoon, and find an excellent restaurant and get a gift certificate.

That said, if someone is registered, 9 times out of 10 they aren't interested in the 'cool' thing you want to get them.

I'm past the wedding stage of my life, but I had two great gifts and, like you, wanted them to be unique and meaningful instead of from a registry. For my closest friends and family, I went to Waterford and got their crystal christmas tree topper. It was something like $100 or $125 or $150. I probably bought 12 of them from 1990 to 2000. It was unique, something they could put on a tree together so it had meaning, was always well received, and I never had to worry that they'd receive a duplicate. The other gift I did when I didn't want to spend that much was from Gumps and it was a pure, simple crystal bowl. Something that could go on a table and be filled with everything from fruit to flowers. No etchings, just pure and simple and good design. I don't know if either company makes either item anymore; it's been years since I've had to go to a wedding. One of the nice things about getting older. :-)

Have you tried asking the couple, or maid of honor/best man what the couple would like in leiu of a registry gift? My Brother and Sister in law tried going sans-registry, asking for more personal gifts, and it was a disaster. They got 8 pairs of champagne flutes, and they don't drink. When I got married nearly everything we got that wasn't on our registry and wasn't money was something we didn't want and it went straight to the Goodwill. (we were moving across country and didn't have time to return it or space to pack it. What a waste.)

Are there other friends or family members you could buddy up with to give a bigger/better gift? If they purposely didn't register, maybe a donation is the best route. Are there clues to what their interested in based on their honeymoon location or wedding site? Good Luck! It's a tough one.

Some of our favorite wedding gifts: an espresso machine, a night at a VERY fancy hotel where we went on our honeymoon, good knives and a chopping block, black and white pics taken by a guest and put in an album, champagne flutes from Tiffany, a toaster, and really nice wine glasses. If I don't know what people want I usually knives or cloth napkins and napkin rings or a platter. Platters are always useful and if you give it from a run of the mill store it can be returned.

i can't believe only 2 people so far have said cash! ALWAYS choose a registry gift or give cash unless a) it is your BEST BEST BEST friend, brother or sister, b) no other circumstances. the only time i broke from this rule was when i attended the wedding of a good friend who had 1,000 guests at her wedding and i knew she would get everything she registered for and more (when i say good friend - i was a bridesmaid).

i'm getting married in june. i have very specific taste. i have been with my fiance 6 years, we have lived together for 3, we live in a tiny, cramped city apt, and i already own everything i need except... nice furniture. i want cash, and only cash... i hope no one thinks i would prefer a more "personal" thing i don't need, don't have room for, and don't like.

please... always err on the side of caution and get the couple what they request.

If there's no registry, I'd go for cash. Chances are the couple has everything they need for their home if they don't have one. Another gift I recently gave to a hard-partying friend was a monogrammed set of pilners and an ice bucket from Williams-Sonoma. It's practical but personalized.

pilners=pilsners

I've heard of a few people giving a set of classic board games (Monopoly, Life, Scrabble, etc.) I think this is a fantastic idea, because you keep these things forever but who wants to buy a $40 board game?

I think the most liked gifts I've given have been TIVO and a set of really nice Wusthof knives - in both cases I knew the groom better than the bride so I didn't want to give traditional housewares to my guy friends. Having heard married friends joke about the plethora of bowls and vases, I make sure to steer clear of that stuff, knowing cash is always welcome

we've given games a lot, and they're well loved. it also provides the new couple an excuse to have people over.

The wedding gifts that we received and that we have treasured are the ones that we use every day... like a beautiful chopping board. Just a glorious piece of wood that lives on our kitchen counter. I will never forget who gave it to us and that they were at our wedding. You can get the whole price range of these from madly expensive designer chef labeled ones, to really affordable but beautiful ones. Great gift!

I think cash is lovely to receive, but always hard to give - what's the appropriate amount without looking cheap or without going over the top... no I would much rather give something tangible.

For a couple who had (or could get) everything, I got a glass topped music box with the bride's favorite piece of music on it.

I then took the announcement from their wedding invitation and, with cut and pasted embossed flowers from the front of the invitation, attached it to the inside of the glass so it was visible from the outside.

With the box open, on the blank back side of the invitation/glass, I calligraphied "to have and to hold from this day forward..." and then the wedding date.

Not very practical, but it was pretty and sentimental.

I like to gift toasting glasses from Tiffany. My friends loved receiving them and some of them do use them on their anniversaries.

Give the most expensive bread knife you can afford.

Case of wine (mixed varieties)-- some for saving a few years or for celebrating the 1st anniversary. Or a basket with assorted specialty foods and candies-- the types of things you wouldn't buy at your typical grocery store run. I've done this a few times and have been told this was good to have for the honeymoon.

My aunt always checks out the registry and discovers their bathroom colors, but buys a set of big fluffy towels (including hand towels and washcloths) from her favored linen source. She then tops it off with bath crayons (normally for children, but can be great fun for adult newlywed time too, wink wink) and a rubber ducky. Always a hit! I just got engaged, so I was happy to receive this fun yet practical gift.

I just got married last year and i received a few gifts off my registry. One has never been out of the box, several were returned (thankfully!!) and ONE from a very close friend, has been used ONCE at a shower. I chose the items on my registry carefully because I did not want to end up with a bunch of ~stuff~ especially not stuff I didnt even register for. So for those of you that like to stray from registries... why why why... get creative some other time. If there is a registry just stick to it. Couples spend a lot of time making the thing and keeping it full and up to date. If theres not one, then well, they are asking for it so THAT is your chance to buy things you are sure they need/want/will cherish!

i'm of the registry camp or cash, especially since oftentimes, the store will offer a discount to the couple on the items remaining on their register. if i can afford it, i get a set i.e. a whole place setting or a bunch of dessert plates so that even if they don't get everything on their register they at least have enough to start out with. i figure if they register it they want it and probably need it.

that being said, the most memorable gift i ever gave (and that the bride and groom thought was the best gift they received) was a vintage commerative plate for the wilshire ebell, where the wedding was taking place, that i found while poking around a thrift store. it's followed them through three homes and is the first thing they hang in the kitchen.

With only one exception, every non-registry gift I received was hideous. It's depressing when you know someone has spent a couple hundred dollars on Lladro or some ugly dish that you'd be embarrassed to have anyone think you picked out yourself.

Unless you really know the taste of the couple well (BOTH of them!), stick with basics. Really nice Frette pillowcases in white are always useful.

for jewish weddings, try mazel tov glass (mazeltovglass.com)

For a winter wedding try unique, possibly antique christmas ornaments. something they would probably never buy.

I am stunned by the superficiality of this! When I got married, my husband and I decided not to have a registry and wrote on our invitations that gifts were not expected. We do not have everything, far far from it. I just think it is wrong to expect your friends and family to cover the expense of your nesting. We have worked extremely hard for everything we have, and are immensely proud of that. We chose not to burden others with filling our home. A wedding is a celebration of love and lives united, not an opportunity to accumulate material possessions! Of course, many people gave gifts anyway and they were received with great gratitude, but given without expectation.

Here are some ideas on what not to get:
http://www.funtrivia.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=968791&an=0&page=0

Anyway, I'm with people who say stick to the registry or, if you somehow feel that's impersonal, give money.

Wedding ceremonies are technically about the family and communities setting up the household belongings for two people who traditionally ought not have any. People spend a lot of money, they may likely have things like dishes and towels and umbrella stands they like very much. Picking out artful, personal things is tacky. Unless you know someone wants something, think of things you don't like. Go in a store and see something perfectly lovely that you'd consider was a waste of anyone's money. A person put a lot of thought into that ugly crystal swan. It's so going to look nice on your mantel until you accidentally drop it because you hate the damn thing. Maybe they will like it, but who does anyone think they are to pick out things that are useless, have to be dusted, have to be out on the shelf or hung on the wall, or used whenever you visit. It's not the thought that counts. People need money and things they asked for. They asked for them because those are their priorities. Money always works because it's accepted everywhere, and they can buy some of those dishes they really wanted because another guest thought some assy tea kettle was more personal.

Thoughtful is thinking of the wishes of others, not guessing they forgot to wish for something else you really think they will cherish. Don't believe the thank-you notes, is what I'm saying.

I recently got married, We registered but didn't expect anything from it, It was there for people who really wanted to give us gifts but didn't know what. The coolest gift we got was a pair of hand thrown mugs from a local artisan. Try to avoid giving frames, we got a lot of frames, I appreciate them but really don't have that many photos

Registering takes a lot of time and energy and I think most couples really think about what they want. Though my husband and only told people if they asked where we were registered, I kind of wish we had included this info with our invitations even though I think that's tacky. The presents we got off the registry were things that we didn't want and we were only able to exchange one of the items.

Especially in these bad economic times, I would suggest getting people something from their registry. We still have many items off our registry that we'd like to purchase and we got married 2 1/2 years ago. Of course if you know the couple really well and know they'd appreciate something else and aren't set on getting many of their registry items, then get them whatever. If they don't have a registry, I would ask them for an idea of what they'd like.

Oh, and I also agree with the commenter who suggested a check or cash. Maybe you think it's impersonal, but the one check we got was really appreciated. I also agree with getting a place setting off the registry if you can afford it. That's usually what I get couples--or silverware.

When a friend was getting married last summer, I asked her what she'd like most from her registry since I was overwhelmed by the choices and what was appropriate. She requested an item that she really wanted but was afraid no one would buy b/c it was a little strange (a step stool). So I was worry free, and she got what she wanted!

A friend who lives in another state just eloped so no registry. I found her on Amazon and will be sending something based on her wish list.

My husband and I had everything we needed (double actually) when we moved in together/married. We really didn't need anything more, but we wanted to be prepared in case anyone asked where we were registered. We chose Amazon for the variety of products in one place. We selected a bunch of silly items that we never expected to receive. Most useful: SawsAll. Most indulgent: Dualit Toaster. Most fun: Twister and Operation.

Although I can understand the posts imploring folks not to get creative when there IS a registry, remember that this post is about what to do when there IS NO registry.

My thought is, that sometimes a little household luxury leaves you more time for loving. Or prevents you from killing your spouse for using your dressing table for a dirty clothes stand. Again.

Anyhow, give gifts that alleviate typical household bickering/time-sucks: Gift certificates for dog walking, cat sitting, maid service, lawn care, a handyman, grocery shoppers, an afternoon of a personal assistant, meal delivery or pick up and drop off laundry service.

Of course this only works when you know the couple does not do these things for themselves and when you aren't actually getting involved in a known sore spot, lol.

Get creative about the presentation. How about an ornate box that says "Secrets of Domestic Bliss." Another way to couch it is, "Do something fun together. Don't do ____________."

The gift certificates are probably ugly, so place them all in a nice envelope and seal it. Print/write a note, listing the services you got them on nice paper. As in, "Open envelope in case of domestic emergency. Inside, you'll find three hours of professional handyman time, two hours of Mighty Maid service and someone who will fluff and fold eighty pounds of laundry for you. Now go somewhere and act like teenagers in love."

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate 99% of gifts*. But off-registry gifts are truly the worst!

We're doing The Cure and guess what's in our out-box? All those "personal" off-registry wedding gifts that you have all mentioned (hand-made blanket, bake ware, "art object" vases, high-end knives, board games).

It wastes your money. It wastes my space.

*Food treats are pretty much the only exception

I don't give registry gifts either. but i do like to troll around on peoples registries to see what kind of stuff they think they need.
I just read about a couple receiving lots of wine with custom-made labels to match major milestones, like "1 year anniversary," "1st house as a family," "5 year anniversary".
sweet idea.

Something a friend of mine did at her wedding (which might be something you can do for your friends' weddings) is they had anniversary cards for the big milestones set up on different tables -- 1st - 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th. They had everyone sign them and write messages to them, and they promised to open them on the appropriate anniversary.

While it is wonderful that anyone gets you a gift at all, most brides spend hours choosing the items for their registry. It is what they need and want. While a nice bottle of wine or gift certificate are welcome exceptions, other off-registry gifts are just a pain to return (if you can return them at all). Please stick to what is on the registry if they took the time to make one - it's what they truly need. While I'm *sure* you all have great taste, if you want to get something unique, just buy it for yourself.

Subscriptions to the NYTimes weekender (Fri-Sun) for spending time together at home on the weekends reading.

For couple's without a registry, what about a few nice hardcover cookbooks?

a year or 6 months of fresh flowers. It's a bit unconventional and not something the couple will have forever, but fresh flowers are such a luxury and can be enjoyed right now. It's also a nice way to keep the well wishes going with the accompanying card.

Gather family recipes and give a corresponding kitchen item. Like family cake recipes and give a cake stand.

If the couple owns a home, a garden consultant is a great idea to get them started on a landscaping plan. Just a consultation usually won't cost too much, or you could go further and have the landscaper put in some plants as well.

My one friend's go-to gift is a monogrammed bedroom pillow (decorative) with the couples new initals. It's been a big hit so far and she's done it a few times.

If there is registry (or very few items left on it), I like the idea of giving quality board games or chess sets. Another good one: two gift certificates for a local spa, that can be used before or after the wedding. After all, massages are nice and they're not just for ladies.

you might think this is too impersonal, but everyone loves it and can use it: a home depot gift card. . .everyone, especially a new couple, goes to home depot (or similar store) it's a clutch gift. . .a bit odd, but I've always gotten thanks for not getting the couple more "stuff"

maybe too practical and boring, but, there's something to be said for useful! Apt dwellers and home owners alike make the voyage to home depot to spruce up their living space!

-6 months of a maid service
-a pet portrait if they already have a pet together
-I second the home depot gift card and Spa treatments!!

A gift I've found to be great for weddings is a set of traditional German Wedding Christmas ornaments. There are twelve and each one symbolizes something different, one for happiness, one for love, one for charity, etc.. They usually come in a nice wooden box which makes a nice presentation. Obviously this only applies if the couple celebrates Christmas, but I was told by one couple that this was there favorite present, even moreso than the towels and sheets they registered for.

beautiful bone china molecule plates:
http://merchant4.com/shop/?product_search=molecule&searchsubmit=Find


Cutting Board:
http://merchant4.com/shop/?&category=1&product_id=22

Knife sharpener/grinder:
http://merchant4.com/shop/?&category=1&product_id=32

All this talk about 'unique' and 'personal' gifts...giving a wedding gift is not about YOU -- it is about the couple getting married and their wishes, hopes and dreams should be respected....stick to the registry.

I don't believe in registering--it's essentially telling people what to buy you. People's reactions amazed me though--many insisted I HAD to register or I'd end up with stuff I didn't want. And that's true, but it's also true of every gift-giving occasion. I preferred being surprised, even by the stuff that was hideous--it was so much more fun.

That said, I respect that other people want to register and don't want crap they didn't ask for. Still, I avoid buying from the registry whenever possible. I give cash at weddings, and try to add something personal with any registry items. One of the best-received gifts ever was an idea I stole from AT--I got the bride a gift certificate to a local florist, packaged it with a sprig of fresh flowers and a card that said, So you can enjoy fresh flowers in your new home. Everyone was happy.

For people taking honeymoons I've done a litttle research and found something they can do on honeymoon and given a gift cert for it. So it could be a spa or romantic restaurant near a hotel, or a local day trip (biking, snorkeling, horseriding etc) whatever fits the couple in question. Instead of giving a check I've also give the same amount in the currency of the honeymoon destination.

Something useful from the region where you live, made by an artist or artisan -- metal, ceramic, glass or wood plates or bowls, a baking dish, candlesticks, bookends, pitchers or wine carafes, a honey pot or berry strainer,... Include a bit of history - how you found it, who the maker is, a recipe for using it. Don't get something made in a Chinese factory and sold in hundreds of stores around the world, unless that's what they really like.

And prariedawn - As a child I always enjoyed helping my mother set the table with the 'good' stuff and hearing where it all came from since most of it was wedding gifts, but I dont always see things on the registry that i think will still have meaning in 10 years. Bathtowels? drawer organisers? I'm happy to stick to the registry when i like what i see, but the gift should also reflect the giver.

I always find out where the couple is going on their honeymoon and then make them a themed gift around that location, like a gift certificate to a restaurant at the resort where they'll staying, and maybe some travel books if they're going to a place they've never been before.

I disagree about the reflection of the giver. You shouldn't think a wedding gift has to remind the couple of you every time they use it or see it. This can go worse than you think, as described above. You may hit a grand slam home run with your thoughtful "different" gift, but I think imposing a sentimentality on your gift is almost always the wrong thing to do. I don't want anyone to be carrying something 10 years from now and think of it as a sentimental and kind of tacky li'l burden.

That said, I have other ideas where couples tend to over-extend themselves financially to produce a wedding, and when they register (or when they talk behind your back about how they really feel whether or not you were kind of cheap!), they pick out the stuff of their dreams. It's less practical than if they had to buy all that stuff themselves (instead of paying for a wedding? they could just buy their own stuff and be happy), so it seems sort of greedy. A wedding is essentially welcoming someone from another family to your family. You set them up well, hope for the best, they might not stay married, etc. They just can't cherish every little thing. I would rather they have things they can't cherish or money to buy things they will actually cherish than to impose upon them some burden and assume they will cherish it, and think of me fondly. It's not about you. It's their day. Get them something they'll like and/or need. If everyone got 20 antique gravy boats and no plates for their wedding because everyone tried to be special, what use is that to them? Don't try to guess. Accept that not everyone gets this right.

I would also add, that, without a registry, and without knowing a couple very well, you can't depend on domestic items to be as big of a hit. If you don't know their colors, if you don't know whether or not they entertain, it's hard to get someone even silverware. I happen to, even single, have plenty of flatware. It is what my mom had and she didn't want it anymore, and now I have plenty. When I replace it, it will be something I specifically want. Were I to register, I would find the flatware I like and ask for that. If I were to buy it myself, I would not later be asking for anymore flatware, not that pattern or some mystery flatware. One of my mom's go-to gifts is a set of Corningware casserole dishes. While many people can use that or think they will, it's thinking well, they might not gotten around to buying this stuff for themselves and it will surely get some use. I think possibly not.

The really only problem with cash is then they will know how much you gave them in dollars. With stuff, you can find stuff on sale, or spend an amount in dollars on something awful so they cherish it but don't find it useful. When people ask for towels, they are going to a good store and picking out their dream towels you couldn't even afford to buy themselves, but they will appreciate towels that they want more than a toaster when they don't eat toast.

Not registering is to ask for generic gifts, registering is to be greedy for things people only give you because society values the wedding ritual, that they would never treat themselves to due to the outrageous price. To live in pampered luxury while paying off their wedding debt is a gift! To think of you and all the toast they'll never make is not a gift.

When I receive a gift that I'm not too fond of (most of them came when I got married...the registry is there for a reason, folks!) I stick a note to it saying who gave it to me and stick it in my "gift box." When a gifting situation arises (weddings with no registries, birthdays, Christmas, White Elephant exchange, whatever) I check my box to see if anything would suit them, carefully avoiding anything they might have given me (hence the notes).

If nothing works I'll go out and buy a gift. But if I can find something they'd like from the box, it's a win-win-win! For the original giver (it's loved by someone), for me (it's not in my house anymore AND I don't have to shell out extra money), and for the recipient (they get something they enjoy...or they get something they can re-gift for free, too!).

I didn't read most of the comments, but my caught KTG's, so this is a reply to that.

Yes, many couples ask for outrageous things on their registries, and I agree with you that it's greedy. But remember, not everyone is like that. Some people register only for things they need (I was one!) and at different prices to accommodate everyone ($1 and change up to the more pricer—but necessary—equipment, like vacuum cleaners).

Be careful when you make blanket statements like all couples who register are greedy, since it's not true. Also, not everyone chooses to have a wedding. Sometimes the parents choose to, and the couple feels obligated to go along with it to keep fights from starting/feelings being hurt.

Are they social and like to entertain casually? Some beloved group and board games would be a fun gift--packaged perhaps with upscale game-night snacks and beverages. (balderdash, trivial pursuit, zobmondo, poker set, or old school kids games like operation and life)

Do they like to bake? A classy, understated glass cookie jar filled with copper cookie cutters, designer sprinkles, luxury add-ins and perhaps a couple of fancy kitchen tools. (I did this recently for a girlfriend and the finished product looked both tempting and festive) Very cute.

Living in a cold climate? A luxurious throw blanket for snuggling up on chilly nights. You can choose a neutral color or perhaps the bride's signature color or wedding colors. But go with a nice weave and texture like wool, cashmere, faux fur or a nice blend. Maybe even have it embroidered with a monogram.

I also think a beautiful coffee table book would make a great gift, perhaps about a place or topic that is special to the couple in some way, like how or where they met, where they went on their first date, the wedding location or honeymoon location or a favorite activity/sport/artist.

It's just that registering is a hot point. Because, like I said, the wedding ritual is valued by society (above a lot of other achievements), gifts are more customary than at other times. Well, you say, I'm going to elope/have a small wedding/not dictate what gifts I want. People still get you something. Well, you say, I'm going to have a big party and register so... that's a considerate thing to help people decide what to get you, right? You'll use it so it won't be a complete waste of money? Some people get that invitation and think, registered, expecting gifts... the absolute nerve!

You are right and some people register for sensible and affordable things. There's no really good way to register for cash. At least as far as my family goes, people talk about you behind your back if you threw a lousy wedding as much as if you brought a shitty gift. I have noticed that registries often have different tiers of gifts also. A place setting for china is going to be more expensive than a place setting for everyday dishes. Blankets cost more than sheets. A couple less expensive things because I'm thinking the people at the office don't really want to come and they'll want to make a minimal offering, like a napkin holder or salt and pepper shakers I thought were cool. Every guest has an appropriate cost tier to give from.

Well, maybe I really want a Simple Human wastebasket. It's more than I tend to spend for myself and a trash pail, but not more than a wedding guest would pay for a cheap but decent present. It is not clad in diamonds, it's fairly ordinary. Nobody wants to buy anyone a trash can for their wedding even if it's something they really want. The impulse to buy something with which to convey overly sentimental feelings and by which one hopes to be remembered will always win out over a garbage pail that's actually going to be what someone wanted. If you give me cash, I can buy the wastebasket. If you buy me a crystal swan, I'll have to keep it because I don't have a wastebasket, but I'll think of you every time I see it. If you buy me the wastebasket, I will be happy. I might forget who gave it to me, but do you want me to think of you, or do you wish for me happiness in my life?

I've noticed that many couples don't actually get to eat at their wedding and have a "what we grabbed at Quick-trip, because everything else was closed" story. I'll put together a gift basket, to have waiting in their room or in the limo, with food and wine.

One a friend gave us and I've re-used: 3 nice bottles of wine. One to drink at 1 year, one to drink at 5 years, and one to drink at 10 years. Its fun to go buy high-end wines that are going to keep that long and increase in value, both monetary, spiritual and gastronomic. And increases my own knowledge of wines. For some true heart-friends, I've included a bottle of champagne for immediate consumption, too.

I'm Hawaiian-Asian, so everyone just gives money. 99% of the weddings I've been to has had (an elaborate) money box to hold all the envelopes.

I do think people ought to provide suggestions if they refuse to do a traditional registry (unless they're angling for cash, in which case just do that).

When we got married, we listed:
- Nothing! We're thrilled if you can come to the wedding, gift enough.
- Two charities (related to our dead parents).
- Antiques (suggestions via ebay searches). We also said family heirlooms in the same vein would be fantastic.
- Traditional registry (Williams Sonoma)

Some of the best things we received were antiques people already had--free (and decluttering) for them, and extra meaningful for us.

If you DON'T register, you'll get a half-dozen crystal vases, four silver-plate trays in curlicue Victorian style, silver picture frames that have to be regularly polished, and 15 cheese knives. These expensive presents will sit in your parents' basement while you sleep on Costco sheets and eat off $3 Ikea plates.