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Of COURSE it's ok to send gifts not on the registry! A gift is a gift, and if the bride and groom are ungrateful, I hope to god they have the tact and class not to say anything.

(Except "thank you" of course!")

I dunno, some of my friends have been the recipients of some pretty horrific non-registry gifts. Precious Moments plates, really? What kind of gift is that?

I feel like the registry is for distant/out-of-town/rich family more than friends. You know, things it would be nice to have and things that make it easy for people who don't really know you to buy you a present. But that's just me.
And if my friends who I just bought a gorgeous (I think) Karin Eriksson vase for would rather have Tupperware, I'd be glad to trade!

About horrific gifts - So what? You can't dictate to the gift-giver that they MUST get you something that you've already chosen. If you hate it, say thank you and give it away later. I can't believe anyone would think it wasn't ok to buy something not on the registry.

I was recently married and got some really great non-registry gifts - very thoughtful handmade items, cool little gadgets I didn't even know existed etc. So I say go for it!

But then again, I also got a hand-me down set of 24, 1970s brown mushroom canisters.

I wrote my cousin & his bride a song and gave two beautiful cookbooks for their wedding. They were moved to tears and then took the opportunity to return the sentiment at my wedding by... not attending or even sending a darn card!

Anyway, regardless of my cousin's boobheadedness, the answer is yes.

Ugh, muddy. Why people can't be bothered to return the little RSVP card is beyond me.

I agree that if you know the couple well you can totally go off registry... but you should be certain that what you're getting will be loved. I think you have much more ability to offend with a wedding gift then on a birthday or Christmas.

Also, I personally find the term "gypped" pretty offensive. From Urban Dictionary: "Most people do not realize it's a racist term that stems from nomadic 'gypsies' who are stereotyped as theiving criminals."

Growing up Asian, the only wedding gift my parents ever gave was the little red pocket of cash. And now that I'm attending weddings, I find myself doing the same, even if there's a registry. All I can ever afford are kitchen utensils or bed linens, which I feel odd about giving, even if my friends have registered for them...

i was invited to about 2 weddings this year and they both have started asking for the new trend - cash. I already can't stand weddings (are they ever really different / unique) and this is just an extra little trend that has completely turned me off. i'm all about that sex and the city episode where carrie registered herself for shoes gone missing at a family party. i would love to start THAT trend.

Of course, it's acceptable to give gifts that aren't on the registry, and the gift giver should exercise his best judgement and taste in either case. The more common etiquette offense is for the bride and groom to broadcast where they are registered, which can sometimes be done exceedingly tacky ways.

Hate to tell ya kids, proper etiquette is to give gifts off of the registry unless you are a very close relative or friend. Cash or checks are impersonal but welcomed from older, more established quests like uncles, bosses or your father's business associates.

A new couple registers for items to start their lives together..things they really need and will use. If you are going to buy a gift anyway, why not get them something they will actually use? The couple getting married should consider their guests and register for a range of items at all price levels...and at different locations like a department store, but also Target or somewhere very reasonably priced.

I am an artist and try to include a hand made card or something sentimental, but I resist the urge to make this the main gift... I always buy off the registry - even if it is a serving tray or sugar bowl - because I know it is what they really want. For many couples this is their first shot at real dinner wear and accessories. They or their families are probably spending $50-75 for each guest...so if getting a gift is that big of a deal...don't go and stop complaining...otherwise help them start off right and buy off of the registry!
ha ha

i'm in the minority here...i think you have to be exremely confident that your gift will be appreciated if you veer off the registry...everyone has differing taste, and it's just not worth the waste of money/effort/resources that go into a gift if it's not going to be used or loved

I totally agree with evamae! Thank you for saying what I was trying to say but much more succinctly!

When I said buy off the registry..I meant buy FROM the registry!!!

I bought my friend a wedding gift off registry but only b/c i knew they were looking desperately for what i gave them...apparently they've used it every day since it arrived. I'm a firm believer in giving gifts on the registry or gifts that go with what they've registered for. Another friend registered for margarita glasses so i gave her the glasses(which were not that expensive) a matching pitcher and an ice pail...

Definitely buy from the registry unless you're giving money or contributing to a sponsored charity. The bride and groom should always be gracious and accept all gifts with a smile and "thank you." That said, the guest should be considerate and understand that their taste might not suit others. Unless one is absolutely 100% sure that the couple will like a certain off-register gift, don't risk it.

Jems is 100% right on. It is true that the recipient of any gift shouldn't be insulted or offended or otherwise peeved about the gift, but givers need to think hard about their motivation for going off registry. If it's something amazing, and you know them well, and are positive they'll like it, ok.

But if you don't feel like going to the store and just pick up some "wedding" gift from Ross, why? I doubt too many folks on this site would do that, but it's done a lot. If money is an issue, better to get them the dishtowel that they wanted than some random piece of discounted crystal.

Of course, a thank you and a smile is in order, in any event.

These days many couples live together before getting married and have already accumulated all the necessary household items. My partner and I have lived together for 2 years and when we get married we'll be hard pressed to pick out 100 things on a registry that we need. It will also defeat the purpose of all the decluttering and minimizing we've been doing lately. He has a large family and most of my friends and family will be coming from overseas. Because my guests will be put out financially by having to travel to a different continent their presence will be the only present I want. For local guests, we'll just be asking for gifts of cash to help cover the wedding costs (and maybe help pay for the honeymoon).

I buy gifts off the registry but I detest the whole archaic custom. Its not 1950 when people got married at 18 and moved out of their parents house. Most people these days already have all their basic house hold items. Anything more is just greed.

mgn, are you a gypsy?
ive always wanted a gypsy wagon.

I'm 50/50. It seems off registry gifts are either truly wonderful or truly awful. There's always something that the couple may not have thought to register for or wasn't carried at the stores they register for. If you want to to buy off registry I would recommend only doing if you know the couple well or can ask someone close to them or in their wedding party for suggestions or ideas that might not have been included. Some friends of mine have gotten great gifts this way. The difference defiantly comes in on the level of thoughtfulness.

Maybe we can just start charging admission to the church. For craps sake people, your guests don't owe you anything. Their presence at your wedding is a gift. Anything else they would like to give is just icing on the (wedding) cake that you should greatly appreciate. A registry can be helpful for guiding people, but it is by no means exclusive. And asking straight out for money is just tacky. Geezus, doesn't anyone read Emily Post anymore!

Amen Willson!

Double amen to Willson! Your guests don't owe you anything indeed. YOU asked THEM to be there, and that's all that's required.

I disagree Wilson. I attended my husband's cousin's wedding a couple months ago. We still have not bought her a wedding gift and I think this is wrong. I'm sure she's happy that we drove 12 hours each way and put ourselves up in a hotel and paid for our meals and outfits, however, wedding gifts are polite and a way to say thankyou and wish happiness to married couples. Her gift was the first gift we got, right off the registry. And here we are 2 months after her wedding and haven't given her anything.

As far as registry gifts, I don't understand why people freak out so much about why they have to buy off the registry, why can't they get the couple what they want. I received more tacky "wedding themed" picture frames and vases that ended up being given away or uglifying my husband's office. I would by way happier that someone bought something for $10 off the registry than pop over to the Lenox outlet to find ceramics for a household you've never even seen (I received a whole set of matching Lenox ceramic wear from a whole section of family) that doesn't match my taste. That's the point of the registry to make sure the gift you buy will be useful and loved by the recipient.

That said of course you should only be gracious to all of your gifts. Who said you should ever tell someone you don't like their gift. I think that goes without saying. They never have to know that you gave their gift to good will or threw it away but wouldn't YOU, as the gift giver, like the idea of knowing it was used and loved?

As far as registry gifts, I don't understand why people freak out so much about why they have to buy off the registry, why can't they get the couple what they want.

I refuse to buy something out of my budget because it's "what the couple wants." This has happened on many occaisons, where the registry contains items FAR beyond what I can afford (your $10 suggestion was no where to be found on several lists I've seen). Also, I cannot bring myself to give something I find hideously ugly or impractical, even if it's "what they want." Part of the joy of gift giving is for the giver, not just the receiver.

As for "wedding themed" gifts, it sounds tacky as all hell if it's what I'm thinking of. An item off registry doesn't have to be bad.

Yes, giving a wedding gift is the polite thing to do. I'm just horrified when people complain about the gifts they received, or act like it's a grave offense that someone didn't follow the registry. It's just like getting any other gift - when grandma gives you that ugly fake reindeer sweater for your birthday, you graciously accept it. Then you return it and maybe giggle a little about it later. A gift is a gift. And please, if one more person tries to justify their gifting demands by citing the "price per person" cost to attend the wedding, I am going to vomit.

That said, I will say that some gifts that are just way off base can seem unthoughtful, and maybe that's what bothers people...but complaints about it just come off as greedy to me.

Also, no one should "freak out" because it's absolutely not a requirement to buy something off the registry.

Absolutely, Willson. Complaints come off as greedy and entitled to me too. And that "pay for your plate" thing - if you can't afford those plates so much that you expect to make the cost back in gifts or money, then have a smaller wedding! It's not a guests obligation to pay for your wedding - they are called "guests" for a reason. You want them there not as monetary support, but as loving witnesses to your union. The focus for many weddings seems so out of wack these days, it's ridiculous.

goodnightdean: nice.