apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

I would say take her out to dinner. Nobody really expects their guests to be Martha Stewart, right? It's stressful enough travelling & being everywhere on time.

Our houseguests who wash their own dishes, or put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, get a gold star.

I would bring a gift, but as this is New York and very few people have extra space to store things (vases, bowls, coasters, etc.), I would recommend consumables, such as a food item (for example, a jam from the best cafe in the town where you both went to high school) or tickets (for example, a gift certificate for Lincoln Center, so that she could see a show there after you leave). One gift, upon arrival, is enough; you don't have to give something when you leave, too. And send a hand-written thank you note once you get home!

The best guests will run to the store if they notice that something's running low - like toilet paper - especially right before they leave. Even if hosts aren't left with a guest-mess, it's really appreciated to not have all your stocks depleted after they've left.

A take-away dinner at home and offering to do the dishes after is also a much appreciated gesture!

A good host would give her guests a shopping guide for the items in that picture. WoW!

Get them something really cool and different from the designboom Mart at ICFF.

At the last few rows of the show participating designers do a "bazaar" where limited edition items are between $10-$100. They can share in you ICFF experience!

http://www.icff.com/page/content.asp?AnID=designboommart&Nid=76

I usually bring a good, new book that the people I'm visiting probably haven't had a chance to read. I also offer to help out with things, either in the kitchen, or picking up stuff while I'm out and about...and if they're really good friends, I'll take them out for lunch or buy them some fresh flowers while I'm there.

wine's not always good - take it from someone who doesn't drink but has received many 'thoughtful' bottles of wine!

On her last night, my favorite out-of-towner went to the grocery store, made a huge (and phenomenal) dinner, did the dishes, and, of course, left all the remaining groceries in the fridge.

She's welcome back any time.

if they have kids, i would bring something fun like coloring books or small toys. if it was a friend i would think taking them to dinner would be nice, or buying their groceries for the time you are or were there to replace what youve consumed. or something fun like movie tickets. I'd even offer to make them dinner one night. i think it would make me feel good if the offer to join them on an outing was offered. it would make me feel less like a bed and breakfast and more like a friend helping a friend.

the best gift is just to be respectful and clean up after yourself. any one who has had guests stay knows that there will always be something they have to clean, but knowing their guest is willing to help is greatly appreciated.

i agree that you dont need to give a gift when you leave as well, and i could even understand if you didnt give a gift until the end- its hard to travel with an extra bag you have to tote around.

When I lived in NY, I received anything from show tickets, dinners/night out to tons of wine. It was REALLY nice when my friends also gave my roommate a gift for her “trouble”.

As someone who's had a number of college friends stay over (and since stopped extending invitations), I think gifts of food and/or thoughtful replacements of supplies are best. Taking your host out to dinner is a wonderful gesture, but it sometimes contradicts the "entertain yourself" rule if you ask them to decide where to go and then help you get there. What's better is making plans, asking if they'd like to join you, and stealing the check at the end.

My fave: pick up or send fresh flowers.

A friend of mine always travels with her own sheets and pillow-cases. I thought that it was a bit much, until she stayed with me and I realized how lovely it was to not have to do a bunch of extra laundry when she left. I think it's nice to arrive with something small (edible?) and then see what your host needs.....even if it is a gift certificate to a schmancy restaurant or a new Metrocard (always useful!). As AMlitt above suggests, dinner out as a thank-you can sometimes be a strain on a host.....you do not want them to feel obligated in any way....it's all a part of being super-easy and self-reliant. Make sure you replenish as much, if not more, food and supplies than you consume. And do so without asking....often people will refuse the gesture in this sort of back-and-forth-politeness-thing.....so you just gotta go out and buy the stuff. And fresh cut flowers never hurt anyone!

Always strip the sheets and pillowcases, put them in the washing machine, and (with permission) start them before you leave. If you don't leave until evening, making sure they get out of the dryer and back onto the bed - made and fresh! for the next guest is always a good thing.

I love it when house guests tell me about something cute that my cats did. Especially if they don't have pets at home, or are allergic to animals, it is a huge relief to know that the guests and kitties are getting along. If your host has pets or kids, let them sniff you out.

It's not so much about what you bring. Just be flexible, and try to fit into the rhythms of the home and people you are visiting. If you make a thoughtful gesture, your host will appreciate that you were observant. There is nothing more awkward than a generic gift.

do you intend to leave a parting gift, as well?

i feel like a bottle of wine or a tasty/pretty treat that is unique to the left coast would be appropriate upon arrival... but leaving a parting gift is only really necessary if you feel you've really put your host out by stumbling in drunk, arriving early/leaving late, eating the feta cheese they were planning on using, you know... anything along those lines.

however, i feel it is always great to send a nice little thank you card once you return home. if your friend has roommates, send one to them, too. having been on the receiving end of such a gesture, it really is nice to know your roommate's guest enjoyed your home, and your hosting.

Someone asked about the picture; that's from a previous post. I don't know if this is the right one, but it links to the lady's blog which would have info about her guest room:

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/chicago/house-tours/house-tour-nicole-and-brandons-oak-park-bungalow-031266

I'm staying with my friends in Oslo for 8 nights (leave tonight). I will contribute to groceries (as it's cheaper than eating out) and will definitely keep my sleeping area tidy, and help with chores. I brought them a fair trade chocolate bar and a French press cozy that I made. I'm also bringing them a bunch of stuff from Canada that they can't get in Norway. I'm going there to spend time with them though, but I don't want them to feel like they have to entertain me or feed me, etc.

I appreciate thoughtful gifts; like when I was living in Northern Ireland and my friend brought over the American magazines I said I missed and tea. Its also nice when they offer to pick up the tab, for wine or dinner out. And keeping their space clean (the living room) is key. The only house guests I ever have issues with are my sisters.

I think offering to buy a couple of meals is nice. Your host doesn't want to be the cook every night, and most likely does want to see you (at least at first), but since they're not on vacation, all those dinners out add up.
We've had visitors in three different sets for 17 of the last 30 days, and are totally broke from eating out/buying groceries. All those visitors were on vacation and ready to go out and do stuff. We just couldn't afford it! Ah, the joys of living in NYC, everyone wants to visit, no one wants to stay in a hotel...

House guests and fish stink after three days.

wow - I'm considering sneaking these comments into a prep course for when people come stay with me in New York. I think people tend to forget that just because I live in New York doesn't mean I'm at Broadway shows and the zoo everyday.

Strip the bed and bring towels and linens to the laundry room -- and even start the wash, leaving a note that they should be moved to the dryer (even better -- dry them too). All assumes in-house facilities. At the very least strip the bed and neatly collect used linens.

thanks everyone, I think I'm going to look for something while I'm there, take her out to dinner and definitely help around the house. If there's something I see she needs then I'll consider that too (I love the toilet paper idea!).

Thanks to all the people that have been overrun by house guests, that's the best advice, since I don't want to be a bad memory!

A school friend of mine is now visiting for a week.

During the last 4 days she managed to ask me to do her laundry, spread her stuff all over the house and invite another friend to spend the night. I'm even happy the other girl is here since now they both left to explore the town and I have my house empty again. I work from home so it's very distracting to have someone here and talking to me ALL the time. I already took time off to take her to see places but I do have other responsibilities - I am not on a vacation.

She did decide to cook yesterday.. despite that she knew I already had food prepared for last night (!!). So not only is my meal getting "un fresh" in the fridge she also created a lot of work by cooking for me and my husband.

First she tried to send me shopping for her ingredients (!!!).

Then (while i was "visibly" working) she kept asking questions:
what should i make?
how should i make it?
what do you mean you don't have a skillet? how am i suppose to make it without one?
you run out of aluminum foil?
what degree do you put the oven on?
do you think it's ready?
should i use fresh or dry basil?
should the tomatoes be cut in cubes or slices ... grrrr

She started cooking late. It was a work day so normally we eat at 6, the meal was ready for 8 PM and the wine was really not necessary when you are working the next day.

In the end I was stuck with a lot of dirty dishes and feeling guilty for feeling angry when she was doing her best.

If you are cooking for your host you should plan, shop, and prepare it yourself. Don't make it an activity for everyone in the house unless they have the time to participate and express enthusiasm to do it.


P.S. The whole experience sucked — the food turned out great, it was yummy.


Bitter host

A firm arrival and departure date is always great for the host to be aware of!

When I stay at a house with kids, i volunteer to babysit at least one of the nights I'm there. It's nice for the parents to have a night out! I¡ll do the dishes and tidy up after the kids are in bed and before they arrive, so they come home to an occupied but nice home.

If my hosts are working, I'll give them my route (i.e. Monday morning - prehistoric museum, afternoon- shopping, Tuesday... etc) and tell them to feel free to join me if they want, but always keeping time to spend with them, I don't want them feeling like I'm using their place as a hotel, but I also don't want to put the pressure of having to visit *again* all the same typical things or not knowing when I'll be back. Oh, I think giving an approximate idea of your return time when you go out without your hosts also helps them have some privacy.