apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

I have to admit, I melted a little when I entered my boyfriend's apartment for the first time. He's got good taste! I mean, it still feels like a man's apartment which is good. I wouldn't want him to be too domestic.. but he has bought some nice pieces over time and mixed them in with his beloved Chicago Bear's chair and arcade game. :)

PLEASE make your bed, and remove all hairs from the bathroom. And tell your parents that since you just turned 38, it's time to spread your wings and move out.

And as far as design goes, have some personal elements (and I don't mean piles of magazines), and no blankets, posters, or old tie-dyed sheets nailed to the wall. That's for the lair of the date rapist.

Basically acknowledge that you're not in college anymore, you know? Your home is your sanctuary, not just a crash pad.

I would add that it's important to have comfortable places to sit -- it's amazing how many bachelor pads I've seen where the only places to sit either were the bed, little tight-fit loveseats (bad on a first date, maybe good later), covered with newspapers, or chairs that were either hard as rock or sinkers.

And watch your feng shui -- you don't want lots of sharp corners, slivery wood, or low-hanging items that she could get hurt on.

Keep your apartment CLEAN! Clean your bathroom. Do your dishes. Throw away your garbage. Get rid of ex-girlfriends stuff. Mostly though, keep your place clean. I don't think most women expect a single dude to have too much style, but they do expect him to have a clean home.

6- flaunt you accomplishments should also read, "while popping your collar as you describe in detail how you rocked it all out."

I wouldn't want to see the degrees, Boy Scout patches, pee wee football MVP trophy. Leave that stuff at your parent's house. You're an adult now.

I also wouldn't want to see a guy's apt. that's been staged to make a good impression. If I found out later, after falling for him, that it was all a front and then the real guy comes out I'd be pissed.

I hope to find a clean, well organized apt. with homey touches like nice throws and pillows on the sofa (no doubt a leather sofa), clean wine glasses and a few good bottles of wine, a bed that's made, a well scrubbed bathroom and clothes in the closets and not on the floor. If a guy can show me that this is really him and not a pseudo made-up metro sexual impostor then he's on the right track. Oh, and let me add the touches that make it a bit feminine but not until I'm a regular.

Whether you're a hot filly or a strapping lad, if your place is a sty you'll have trouble getting laid. Period. (At least that's what I like to think as I push the Swiffer around.)

I think the non-negotiable tips for any apartment, whether it's occupied by a girl or a guy or one of each, boil down to this:

1. Have some taste
2. Have some self-respect

If you follow these two tips, you will be compelled to keep the place clean, and will also be steered away from stupid design elements -- like a total reliance on black leather furniture, which screams Stereotypical Bachelor Pad Circa 1993.

first off:
home cooked meals should not happen till date 5 or 6. the time line on these situations weren't mentioned. Take a girl out on a few DATES before you take her back to your apt.

If you like her enough to cook for her...
vacuum, dust, tidy, photos in frames are a nice touch and most importantly clean the bathroom and for gawd sake remember to make sure there's TP for us.

The only things the last guy I dated had hanging on his walls were several photographs of Lance Armstrong, matted and framed very expensively. Yet he did not have one picture of his son to show me. Red flag #1.

Your place does not need to be fancy, but it MUST be clean. If things go well and six months down the road I find out that sometimes you let your dishes "soak" instead of washing them immediately, I will not be "pissed." (I wish you luck on the dating scene, anne.) But I will definitely be turned off if you cannot even get that done upon my first visit to your place.

MEP, why would you think that I would be upset if dishes are soaking in the sink one night?

I wouldn't want to see the trophies or diplomas, either.

My grandpa has a huge collection of table tennis (i.e. ping pong) trophies from, gosh, the 50s or something. He was nationally ranked and everything. (He's 91)

So, uh, if you're my grandpa you can display tons of trophies, but otherwise, they're just cheap pieces of plastic that don't fool me at all because I played Little League too and I know that they gave EVERY Little Leaguer a trophy each year.

Also, Star Wars toys. Please burn them or sell them to Japanese collectors. Same for generic movie posters and anything that references anime or video games.

oh mmadden. my boyfriend had the college pad with ugly second hand furniture, picture of sexy chick on the wall and big screen tv. since i've moved in we've painted, installed hardwood floor and gotten better second hand furniture. but i felt like everything decorating the house was mine, so i got his old star wars toys and displayed them on a shelf in the living room.

paintedfish, I applaud you. Your guy recognizes that your decorating changes were for the better...right?

mmadden, a sty or a palace has nothing to do with the sex taking place or not taking place, people are not their possessions.
Many of the dream houses of couples I've envied have become single divorced people houses, My husband lived in a real dump and was busy being a terrific single parent, making his art, and he had no problem attracting women. The one he picked, me, doesn't judge people by their things.

It's funny you make that point, Kate, because if people judged me by my possessions they would think I was about 80, rather than 23. I looove old stuff.

Some people have crazy charisma, devilish good looks and sexual appeal. And some of us don't, so at least we try to have pretty, comfortable homes that show our personalities and appreciation for color, detail, etc. I don't think I was advocating judgey-judginess at all.

Also, the beauty of a person's home is in the eye of the beholder. If a person is thoughtful and interesting and intelligent, you would overlook their stained couch and milk-crate chairs. At least I would. Some people would not, though.

My boyfriend's place was/is a dump. Think borderline hoarder. But I didn't/don't care because HE is charming and wonderful.

Somehow, i don't think it was the apartment....

I'm also wondering about the dating time line here. If somebody asked me to go to their home on the first date, even just to eat, I'd be heading the opposite direction...going home alone with strangers? No thanks.

Well, for the record, he didn't invite them for a home cooked meal until date 4--although we're still debating amongst ourselves whether or not an accidental meeting at the Starbucks counts as date 3...

Totally disagree with the list. When I met him, the husband had made less decorating effort than the typical cloistered monk, and I strongly suspect that monasteries have nicer towels.

But I never dated men for their house, their car, or their professional connections, and I would drop-kick to the curb any man who thought my hobbies were unacceptable as part of the decor, so I'm certainly not going to impose that rule on him.

I like the real deal stuff too. If the boy scout things mean a lot to him, he should have them out. If his taste in things is off, at least his taste in women is dead on. It seems odd that we live in a time where sex is less personal to many than a home cooked meal. I'm not prissy, but it does not strike me as practical...too much risk.

How does he meet and get to know those women? What do they have in common? Do they bring out the best in him? Does he bring out the best in them? That strikes me as more problematic than the apartment.

I'm not one to judge based on material possessions or placement thereof either, but a certain ATTEMPT at cleanliness and organization is desirable.

Don't have your dirty laundry spilling out all over the place, giving the place a certain je ne sais quoi odor (or rather: I don't want to know ....)

Have some sheets on your bed. Change them sometime. Sleep on your bed instead of crashing on the couch.

Have paper products around: tp, paper towels. A trash can in the bathroom.

One learns these things through experience.

Hang at least one Budweiser mirror, framed if possible, in the livingroom. Gives them a place to check their makeup while you cook...

From your water bong collection, proudly display the largest, most infrequently cleaned on the nightstand. Says 'I like to relax in style.'

The ladies love a nice cushy beanbag chair to recline in, preferably red, or sports team-identified. If you're lucky, they'll be wearing a short skirt!

Just kidding. Good luck out there sport!