apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time


How To: Politely Get Guests To Leave

112108party-01.jpgWe've all been there before--hosting a party and for one reason or another, strangers are the only ones left. Or worse, our friends keep starting new conversations (even though they know we have a 7am wake up call) but are still partying like it's New Year's Eve. Don't get us wrong, we're pretty sure we've overstayed our welcome a few times. And with Thanksgiving occurring next week and holiday parties just around the corner, we thought we'd give you a few tips to try out on any lingering guests...

 
 

While sometimes we'd like to say, "Here's Your Hat, What's Your Hurry", we've come up with a few ways on how to politely get guests to leave.

  • Put an end time on the invitation. That way, guests know ahead of time there is a curfew that needs to be followed.
  • Increase the lighting. It always seemed to work at every restaurant we ever worked at--it's a subtle signal that will hopefully let your guests know it's time for bed.
  • Starting to clean up. We don't mean get out the broom and mop (not so subtle) but gathering dishes and throwing away the trash are some hints guests will pick up on.
  • As you're noticing the evening is winding down, politely ask how your guests are getting home. You might have noticed that someone has had a little much to drink and you could simply try and coordinate rides home.
  • And if all else fails, bring out family photos, home movies (we're pretty sure any remaining attendees will happily be on their way).

    What are some ways you politely get guests to leave? Or are you pretty upfront and don't mind saying it's time for bed?

    Related Entertaining Posts

    [Image from kvanhorn]

Tags

How To..., entertaining, holidays, entertaining, how-to, thanksgiving, getting guests to leave

Related Links

Share

Comments (24)

Cleaning up has never failed to send the "party is over" message. I'm surprised that anyone over 30 wouldn't get it. Seriously??

posted by kimg924 on November 21st 2008 at 6:49pm
view kimg924's profile

You could always try the direct approach:

Stand up, yawn & stretch, and say: "It's been lovely having you all over, but I'm going to have to call it a night. Can I get your coats for you?"

posted by bepsf on November 21st 2008 at 6:56pm
view bepsf's profile

Agreed on the direct approach. As long as it's cordial, there's no shame in declaring your own party is over.

For those one or two stragglers I've even said (with genuine hospitality), "you're welcome to stay and sleep on the couch/guest bedroom, but I'm afraid I have to turn in." Some guests may like to stay late, but few will want to stay the night.

posted by nashdp on November 21st 2008 at 7:34pm
view nashdp's profile

I could have used this a few weeks ago - had a few stragglers.

posted by matthewhambrick on November 21st 2008 at 7:50pm
view matthewhambrick's profile

I remember a New Years' Eve at my place where I was exhausted around 5 or 6 am, and the conversation restarted in the entryway around one of my works hanging up on the wall... and lasted at least 45 minutes. I remember saying "Listen if you all come back tomorrow I'll take everything out of the closet and explain everything you wan't but please....".
So everyone was going to leave, but the same person started a new conversation... in the doorway for another half hour. I never reinvited him.

posted by Daniel Poitiers on November 21st 2008 at 7:52pm
view Daniel Poitiers's profile

I tend to do sleepy-eyes, and mention how I can't wait to go to sleep because I have to get up early. Seems to do the trick.

I do have a few recurring guests (more like pests) that constantly take a whole encyclopedia of tricks to get out. One time, I literally got ready for bed... turned down the covers, brushed my teeth and washed my face, changed into my pajamas... all the while they happily continued chatting me up. That was the worst time, and it took about an hour after the dozen or so other guests all made a mass exodus (there was a definite end time to the event).

posted by Geno B. on November 21st 2008 at 8:04pm
view Geno B.'s profile

Once, out of desperation at 3am, I just put on a reeeally bad comedy record. It was so cringeworthy that the last few stragglers (of course, a few people I barely knew) made a quick exit, giving my remaining good friend a laugh and a chance to say a proper goodbye.

posted by cleverlazy on November 21st 2008 at 8:49pm
view cleverlazy's profile

I break into the closing theme from The Carol Burnett Show. It helps that I can't sing very well.

posted by K T G on November 21st 2008 at 10:55pm
view K T G's profile

I'm with nashdp. I have said that before, "You're welcome to hang out as late as you want but try to keep it down 'cause I'm going to bed. Cheers!"

posted by WendyJ on November 21st 2008 at 11:34pm
view WendyJ's profile

Euch, my worst... Our guests tend to linger at the end of the day and my kids get more and more tired, cranky, bouncy... And the guests, usually kid-less ones look at me like what is wrong with my kids, natter, chatter...

My great uncle had the solution - and he made it all the way to 97, he must have done something right! - Always used to get up and while moving towards the exit, politely say:"I am so sorry you have to leave now, we have had such a love evening together."

I do it myself now and it works - really, try it!

posted by se7en on November 21st 2008 at 11:38pm
view se7en's profile

I am more of a night owl than my husband, and am usually happy to stay up late chatting. But at some point, he just gets up and goes to bed. He changes into his PJs, loudly brushes his teeth with the electric toothbrush, kisses me goodnight and goes to bed. This usually sends people on their way well before I get around to being tired of them.

posted by yolio on November 22nd 2008 at 12:47am
view yolio's profile

Hahaha se7en, that's brilliant.

I am usually pretty direct. Since the people who visit me are usually friends or family, I don't feel bad about telling them to go home.

But this only when I really have to. I am a bit of an insomniac, and more often then not I can stay up all night with my guests.

posted by idiotdogbrain on November 22nd 2008 at 1:03am
view idiotdogbrain's profile

I would say the direct approach is best, but the most hilarious was a story told when I was growing up about a local pastor who didn't like to stay up late. So when he had company and it was later, he would stand up, stretch, and announce "let's pray before y'all leave." Never failed. And it cracks me up.

posted by inkstainedwriter on November 22nd 2008 at 1:03am
view inkstainedwriter's profile

My friends know I am usually an early to early person, so the zombie look in my eyes usually tips them off. If not, I just announce that I want to go to bed and it usually goes over okay.

posted by d-love on November 22nd 2008 at 10:16am
view d-love's profile

We tend to entertain in small numbers and both of us are more of the "we're going to bed, there's the couch if you want to stay over" type.

Most people don't abuse the privilege, but we had one friend who would regularly take the couch and linger the next day as late as lunch!

posted by Trilobyte on November 22nd 2008 at 10:22am
view Trilobyte's profile

With people I know can talk til tomorrow, My new york city trick is to do the - hey lets go to x bar for a quick one. Walk half a block, and go home after 20 minutes.

posted by Clairepetrol on November 22nd 2008 at 10:38am
view Clairepetrol's profile

My friends love me and I love them, so they always laugh when I say, "You ain't gotta go home, but you got to get the hell up outta here!"

Hey, it works!

:-)

posted by alpha on November 22nd 2008 at 12:14pm
view alpha's profile

Now I'm beginning to worry as I'm always sad to see my guests leave. On the other hand, I never invite people I don't want to entertain.

posted by hrhprincessfiona on November 22nd 2008 at 2:41pm
view hrhprincessfiona's profile

I've only had this problem once, and it was the day after my son was born. We were living in London at the time (I'm from Iceland) so our closest relatives weren't around, but my husband's auntie and best friend came over. We came home from the hospital at 3 in the afternoon having not slept for two nights in a row (first one because of contractions, second night just staring at the baby). At first it was really nice, they cooked dinner and admired the baby, but at 10 in the evening I was starting to wonder how long they were going to stay. I got ready to go to bed and said something like "well we're a bit tired, I think I'll go to bed", gave my husband a kiss and left the room, thinking they'd get up and go. Not so! At 11 I went out and just said "I think you should go now, we need to sleep!". It was almost midnight before their taxi arrived!

http://www.notyourgoddess.blogspot.com/

posted by Harpa on November 22nd 2008 at 5:37pm
view Harpa's profile

Reminds me of a "Far Side" comic in which the hosts feign death to get visitors to leave.

posted by BruceS63 on November 24th 2008 at 9:56am
view BruceS63's profile

Guess this would only work if you have people actually staying at your place and you live where it snows...

A few years ago my family decided to have Christmas at my place - a small apartment. My mom stayed with me (which means I slept on the couch) and my brother and sis-in-law (with 3 kids under 8 years of age) got a hotel room but hung out with us all day and well into the evening. After 3 days, my son and I were glassy-eyed - we love our family, but just weren't used to having so many people around on a constant basis, TV going constantly, and 3 kids arguing.

The 4th day dawned very cloudy and cold, and when my mom mentioned it I said I'd watched the news the previous night after she'd gone to bed, and there was a storn coming in with a 30% chance of snow. Everyone was packed and gone within the hour.

posted by oceandreamer56 on November 24th 2008 at 11:36am
view oceandreamer56's profile

making coffee seems to be a good universal sign: time to sober up and hit the road, folks.

posted by lulu103 on November 26th 2008 at 1:04pm
view lulu103's profile

Inverting the usual "ah, we better leave cos our hosts probably need to go to bed" normally works, that is, if you live with someone else: "Well, (insert whatever name of partner/flatmate), we better go to bed, cos these people (guests) probably need to go home"...

posted by mightyelle on November 30th 2008 at 1:47pm
view mightyelle's profile

at a dinner party, serve tea or coffee and then start to clean up.

coffee = the night is over.

posted by *elspeth on January 2nd 2009 at 1:05am
view *elspeth's profile

Feeds

RSS icon Los Angeles

+ City Feeds