apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

where did those window panels come from? i must have them!!!!!

they're from ikea. called stockholm.

there's a chair covered in the same fabric that i totally lust for.

this post is just bizarre written in "we"... haha, like a pair of conjoined twins dated the same man.

I keep a few sets of clothes at my guy's place. I never know ahead of time if I'll be staying over, so I figure that's the best way to avoid the overnight bag.

I like to have my own favorite breakfast food. His just doesn't cut it on a weekday morning before a long day!

Ditto on clothes, toiletries, breakfast food. We also keep a bedside book at each other's home. And two sets of bathrobes.

We both have pets and have to make sure that all are fed and watered. He has dogs need to be fed every afternoon (he als works at home and has a huge yard & doggy door) whereas I have cats who free-feed (and have a kitty door). So our most frequent strategy is that I stay at his place over the weekend when I can be away for a couple of days, and he stays at my house weeknights, making it easy for us both to head to work in the morning.

We've started making a crockpot meal once a week, as well, to minimize cooking time and maximize the sit-down-and-enjoy-time.

parking passes are a must. I am not fond of the memory when i did this, lost 10 pounds that part was good. i would never do the split living again.

I've been trying to figure this out for a year. Having to clean TWO places is exhausting. But I have a studio, he has a house with a yard AND I work near his place, so it's just easier to hang at his place. Even though I have the giant flat panel HD TV...hehehe. I'm just now starting to leave a few pieces of clothing there, but I never know what I need where and if a favorite blouse is at his place and I need it at home, grrr. So, an overnight bag is easiest for me. He rarely eats breakfast, so I'm on my own unless we head out for breakfast. I might try the makeup idea. Thanks Laure!

king924 pets have a hard time with this, i had two dogs at the time of going back and forth and they were not happy. I would never put some guy over my pets again.
Make them come to your place or make the move-in together or why bother.

I used to keep a set of toiletries, some underwear, a bathrobe and a couple basic tops, one of them a little nicer, so if while being there (50 miles from my home) we decided to go out or meet some friends, I could change into something nicer.
After a year of dating (of which 10 months were me staying there most of the time) we moved in together. SO MUCH EASIER!

Better yet (with pets) bring them along for the sleepover. Bike them home in the morning or swing by after work to grab the dog/go for a dog walk together.

Our dogs sleepover all the time. An essential: extra jackets!

I'm currently doing this but the distance is only about 30-40 mins. so it's not super difficult if I forget something.

I keep my 'overnight bag' stocked with extra undies, socks, and a pair of jeans. Since I'm usually at the bf's on the weekends, I keep some shoes in my car so that I can be ready if plans change and always make sure I pack casual and more formal options and layers.

At his place, I keep an extra set of toiletries and he does the same at my place. I also have a set spot in his place for my stuff and vice versa so we're not tripping over stuff and things don't get forgotten.

As for cleaning, we just clean our respective places but clean up after ourselves in each other's place. I do clean his bathroom though since I'm more particular than him!

I completely agree that it is a good idea to leave your place clean because it is worse when you have to clean and unpack/refold/rehang when you return.

i was so happy to see this post....it can be tough and frustrating living the split life, so i'm glad to hear i'm not alone! my boyfriend has a dog, and since my landlord doesn't allow pets, we spend most of our time over there. however, my apartment is just much cuter!

i've started keeping a pair of comfortable shoes over his place....that way i don't have to wear my heels around the rest of the day (if i head there straight after work).

i also just convinced him to renovate his powder room, and he's given me complete artistic license. at least one room in his house will look decent!

A few weeks ago, I bought 3 prints off of etsy.com. I love them, and then I realized that I won't be able to be around them. It made me really blue, and I told the BF as much. It opened a conversation about how I am a homebody & I like to nest and buy pretty things to be around. That being said, I spend every night at his place for many reasons and I miss my stuff sometimes. He was so understanding, and then suggested he move all his music posters to his office, we repaint his room, and I can hang all my pretty new prints in his room.

Swoon.

If you are dating someone, and they are resistant to you moderately "personalizing" the space that has now become somewhat mutual, that is a red flag that he/she is not ready for a commitment.
That said, the visiting party must be respectful of the significant other's differing personal tastes and space issues.

I do this... and last time I left I forgot to take out the trash at my place. I ended up with a big fruit fly problem! Yuck! Cleaning/taking out the trash is essential - Normally I'm meticulous, but what can I say, it happens.
But I do keep a suitcase of generically useful clothes in the trunk of my car, so that at either place, I'll always be ok for clothes. It works pretty well, but I am a grad student, so finding something 'presentable' is a lot easier - our version of presentable is a lot more relaxed than most.

The remedy to to this madness was for me to get an apartment walking distance from my work. Now I can go home, change clothes, attend to my cats and any other chores before heading to his place for the night. I still have a drawer of clothes, and a set of makeup at this place, but my cats are much happier, and I don't have to lug much of anything around anymore.

Am I the only one who has 2 phones chargers? That was the one thing that was ALWAYS in the wrong place when I need it.

@kimdog - I did just the opposite. I got a place near my BF. It works out better for both of us. If he decides at midnight that he needs to go home, he can walk the two blocks in five minutes. Or if I need to run home in the morning before work, it is actually on my way to the subway.

That said, we do keep extra "necessity" items at both places (toothbrush, razor, deodorant, undies, socks) so that we are never in a real crisis mode; and we try to be up front about what we expect from the other person. It is always better to ask, "Can you take the garbage out?" or “Please put your glass in the sink,” rather than waiting for the other person to figure out what needs to be done.

@grngodes my boyfriend got a nokia last year so we could share chargers and never be without one!

I'm with LoriSF!

I have 2 dogs, a cat and a parrot and they NEED me. No guy is going to keep me away from my responsiblity to them. I am actually going through a break up now because he refuses to come to my place due to all the pets and I refuse to leave them to hang out at his petless pigsty. Ok, maybe i'm venting a bit. but, if you MUST leave your pets don't do it for more than 10-12 hours.

oh, and just because it's a pain to go back and forth between places this DOESN'T mean you need to move in together to make it easier!
trust me that's a big mistake I've made!

My pup has a bed at both my house and my girlfriend's, and toys at both places too.

My job requires me to keep a set of extra clothes in my trunk all the time, but I've just in the last month taken to leaving a full set of (both work and play) clothes there too.

Except I can't seem to remember to take undies. I always forget to stock them. I think I have 4 pairs of socks there now...but no undies. Skivvies FAIL.

My "we" situation involves a 25-35 min drive between our two places. So we usually split every-other weekend. Learning to use the time in the car effectively was a big key: making calls en route - deciding on dinner plans, picking up something on the way, getting on the same page before the other person arrives has been key.

Some doubles include: cell phone and blackberry chargers (we are a 2-blackberry couple) as well as keys, garage door remote opener, contacts cases, toothbrushes, shoes, some clothes, etc.

Hell, I just wish I had a girlfriend. Any takers?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/spins_lps/2959323333/

We used to do every other weekend; we're total city mouse (me) country mouse (him), but we tried to make it fair. With the gas price hike in the past six months and horrendous parking in my neighborhood though, it's been cheaper for me to take BART out there on Fridays and take the train back to work Monday mornings. If I want to be in the city we discuss ahead so he can mentally prepare himself to drive around my block for half an hour before a parking spot opens.

When I'm at his place I come in, feed the cat, change, turn on the tv and indulge in all the cable tv shows i can't get at home.

spinsLPs you should have a girlfriend with that awesome pad!

Ugh, I used live about 60-120min (depending on traffic) from the boy. Luckily he was used to having to drive to LA all the time so I always made him come to me. :)
But he finally moved closer and we're only about 20 minutes away from each other now. It'll be interesting to see how much time we spend at each other's places.

yeah this is my life right now. it's tough because i feel like i'm in limbo between two spaces, but at the same time it's nice to stay at my own place alone a few nights a week just, so there is an advantage to it. unfortunately moving in together in NYC means living in very cramped quarters. i'd be less hesitant to move in with someone if we had a 5 bedroom house with a yard, but sharing a 300-400 sqft apartment with another person and two cats is very tough.

Lots of good ideas but I draw the line on cleaning a guy's bathroom. I am not his mother!

~Lorrie @ mydesignsecrets.com.

spinsLPs: I thought it was going to be a picture of you but it's a picture of your APT! LOL. Too funny. I would date you to spend half my time in that apartment. :)

I love this post! I can sympathize with the phone chargers, comfy shoes (no walk of shame for me!), lack of breakfast food, the works!

Books books books were my key to feeling homey, I could always curl up with one and it was great to discover my honey read them too!

i did this for years before moving in together in march (and his/our house is being CURED as we speak). i learned the hard way that i must keep these things at his house: tampons, toothbrush, coffee, phone charger, loungey clothes, one work appropriate outfit. i also found it helped if i bought really nice luxurious stuff to keep there- it lessened the blow of not being with my stuff and in my house that i loved.

the bf's fridge must be stocked with diet coke. ;)

Um...we do this, only it's at each others' PARENTS' house. It's extremely awkward and I wouldn't recommend it to ANYONE. I would move out of here in a heartbeat but I can't afford it quite yet.

We used to argue about who's place we're staying at...my place, basement to ourselves, clean, spacious, stylish ;)...but the bathroom is upstairs and the ceiling is thin so you can hear everyone stomp around....kind of awkward.

Or his room, pigsty, noisy computers everywhere, bathroom on same floor except shared with another family member...I hate the mess. But the bathroom makes it more convenient.

I just stopped arguing about it, because it was a huge problem in our relationship. I stay at his house a little more because he works full time, but this has to be solved sometime!

we basically live across the alley, and it works pretty well. he has a tv, and I have cats, so both apartments get visited most days (I at least pop in on the beasts in the morning and afternoon). It is tough to keep two fully stocked refrigerators without stuff going bad, so we mostly eat at his place, which makes me a little sad, but all in all it works pretty well. We both keep many sorts of clothes at each others' places, as well as books and magazines.

I moved in with him. But I'm never doing that again. I need my privacy.

It may sound crazy, but my boyfriend and I ended up moving a block or so away from each other. It's worked out quite well. I keep toiletries at both our places (and use this as an excuse to try different products!) and usually only end up packing workout clothes and pjs now. I usually change for bed, then get up in the morning and go to work out. Or I just walk home and do all my morning stuff there. Weekends I will end up lingering and having breakfast at the bf's, though. It's still a little exhausting but much easier than packing an outfit and having to drive there and back!

Ugh, I HATE this problem! Especially when the boyfriend is a bit messy, not a nester and has ROOMATES but one has to spend time there in the interest of being equitable.

We have done this for about a year now and I simply keep luggage packed that I throw into the car every Friday after work. I have two teen boys at home and it's easier for me to stay weekends with BF. It's only 5 mles away. Two phone chargers is a must, comfy P.J.'s and slippers that stay at his place, and my favorite beverage invading his fridge. The great thing about keeping the bags packed is that we can leave for a weekend trip at the spur of the moment if we want.

I am doing the half and half except it's half at work and half at home. Or less than half. I've been parlaying in the world of 16-hour days as of late. My cat has been very angry with me when I get home, we used to spend a lot of time together. I think I may have to reassess the job situation.