apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Bad boy! Bad! No Evil Dead for you tonight!

It's always good to be reminded of these fundamentals. Merci.

Yes. The cabinets open thing drives me bananas. I feel like I'm living with that crazy ghost from The Sixth Sense.

If I was a guy and my S.O. referred to me as "Boy", I wouldn't close the drawers either.

I am so heartened to know that I am not the only one who lives with a man who leaves cabinets open, puts bottles on the counter directly ABOVE the recycling bin, is loathe to part with the most meaningless of items. These are terrific tips but a person's gotta wanna change. My man has other things on his mind. I love him, I am keeping him. Having a stellar housecleaner makes up for most of the irritation of living with a slob.

I'll add another one: Leaving stuff all over the place. I had a roommate once who left coats, shoes, used plates, glasses and half-empty beverages all over the living and dining rooms, sometimes even the bathroom. It drove me nuts. It was not only messy and dirty, but seemed like a passive-aggressive way of marking her territory.

Ugh, I feel sorry for your "Boys" if leaving a bottle on the counter instead of in the recycling bin makes them slobs. Talk about uptight!

Er... I'm pretty sure Rebecca is using "Boy" as a term of endearment. Why so serious?

Agreed, d4kk1tt3n!

Hey, lay off on the "Boy" thing. At least she used the singular "I" instead of "We get crabby when Boy doesn't close the cabinet doors..."

yes, of course it's for endearment! I guess I could say Man but Boy is what I went with. And these are just ideas for your home, good ideas to try and enjoy.

My boyfriend leaves the pantry door open. All the time... as if that is the position it is supposed to be in!!

I had a roommate who just left piles everywhere. I leave piles too - but when I live with someone else, I at least confine my piles to MY space, not shared space.

I should have known, when, the week we were moving into the apartment she called and said she found a table at a yard sale for $10 - should she get it? Well, sure - 10 bucks - you can't go wrong.
She - "Well, there are no chairs."
Me - "Oh. Um. What's the point of a table with no chairs?"
She - "To put stuff on."

I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say, "You mean like clutter?"

We had a bit of an arguement once when I was cleaning, held up a stack of catalogues and said, "Are you done with these?"
"Why"
"So I can toss them."
"I'm not done with them."
"Could you put them away in your room?"
"They are fine where they are."
"Actually, they kind of clutter the table up."

She blew up - and her defense was that MY stacks were just in baskets!!!
WELL, THAT's AWAY!!!!

When my Boy (or Bear... he's more bear like :P) is at my place, he likes to leave his drinking glass on the counter, right next to the sink, instead of just putting it IN THE SINK. His reasoning is that he'll probably have a glass of water later and doesn't want to use another glass, thus causing me to have to do more dishes (um, it's just a glass, not a big deal). Except this method doesn't work when we leave in the morning, and I come home from work and discover oh hey, the glass is STILL on the counter, NEXT to the sink... and now whatever was in the bottom of the glass is all dried and stuck on it. Awesome. :P

Wow.... my family has hit every bad habit. Kids (said in an absolutely endearing *ha* way) leave the entertainment center open after playing games or watching videos... Boy/Husband has a difficult time understanding what is recycles and not, even though I've gone to the extremes of putting up the pictures that the Waste Co. gives you.... Clutter, that would be my girl wonder... and too much stuff, uhhh, probably me. I love to shop. Covered all bases. Guess I'm not AT material after all.

i had a friend who grew up in a large suburban home with a really well appointed kitchen with a gazillion cabinets...and she was uptight. her high school boyfriend and myself were both from tiny dwellings.... the kind where, if you leave a cabinet open, you either hit your head or can't move. we took much delight when she would leave the room and we would both laugh maniacally and open all of the cabinets. she would come back and try to close them, but there were two of us and only one of her.

now when i hang out with people, and they leave the cabinets open, if i'm not familiar with the way they grew up. i always ask if they lived in a house with a big kitchen, and they usually say 'yes'.

my husband either a) leaves his wet towel on the bed, on top of the blanket, or b) leaves his laundry on the floor, in front of the laundry basket. ack.

Seems like there is a fair bit of pent-up hostility popping up in the comments here... yikes!

My Boy (yep, call him that) is a messy sort. I think the thing that y'all don't understand is that it's almost never just one glass. One glass isn't an issue! It's one glass... and then another glass... and then another glass... and then I'm going on a treasure hunt for my drink ware all over the house.

Leaving your stuff all over for your SO to pick up is a little more demeaning than the term "Boy."

I find it odd that one cannot communicate with another like hey this bothers me when you do this or that..can you try to close the cabinets, can you PLEASE put the lid down on the toilet seat. I trained anyone I lived with quit well. If you have a SO and you cannot communicate with the most simple things how will you ever deal with more important matters. No one is perfect and always choose your battles properly.

shockthebourgeois, excellent point! It's not the one glass, the one bottle, the one cabinet door left open. It's the assumption that these things take care of themselves. I like to keep the house tidy so I do, it's my choice BUT it is nice to bitch about it sometimes. Thanks, AT!

I leave water glasses everywhere. Everywhere. They only ever have water in them, so I don't discover scary things growing in them when I go on a hunt to find everything before doing dishes.

I also leave my kitchen/bathroom cupboard doors open. all.the.time. I finally realized that I do it and tried to stop... still happens.

Thankfully, no one else has to deal with my bad habits.

"good ideas to try and enjoy" -- not so much.

Some of these laments are just toooooo much. I'm glad, after 34 years of marriage, that my husband and I are both neat and tidy. I slop water around the bathroom sink which is one thing that makes hubby a little upset, but he'd rather have me around, doing that, than gone and have a clean sink.

O, the cabinet door thing. I'm horrible at that. Even hitting my head on them hasn't cured me. And I leave stuff lying around too. I just don't notice little things like that! And I'm a girl so I don't really get the whole gender thing with women being neat and guys being messy. Rarely true in my experience. In fact my dad was always the one getting out the vacuum and my mom would shrug because she was sewing and knew she would just end up getting more little threads on the floor and we may as well wait until there was going to be company over and vacuum them all up at once.

My husband couldn't care less whether there are stacks of papers all over the coffee table. He's also one of those ones who will leave his dirty clothes right next to the hamper rather than in it. He says clutter isn't bad, just dirtiness (no food laying around). I was a total neat freak when I first met him, but I have relaxed a little. And he is giving a little too. He tells me that when he gets home from work, he will look around and say "What would Jamie want me to do around here?" and then straighten things up.

I'm not the best at the cabinet doors thing. In my defense, I was raised in a house that didn't have many. I remember taking them down with my dad to repaint them, but then my mom couldn't decide on a color she liked and after a while we decided we really liked the kitchen better that way.
My first apartment had sliding doors on all the cabinets and I couldn't for the life of me think to close them because I wasn't used to it and they weren't in the way even if you did leave them open. My poor room-mate, I think she plotted ways to kill me in my sleep.

We all have bad habits, I think the worst is letting little things get under our skin like this. Relax. Take a deep breath. Ask the leaver of the open doors-cup forgetter- butt scratcher- non recycler to please remember that others may not be so able to overlook what ever it is, and then smile if you can manage.

I thought the Boy thing was weird - I tend to refer to my s.o. as the fiance instead of my fiance. I would think though if the fiance decided to call my Girl I doubt I would be listening too well next time he had a gripe session at me.

Cabinet doors are not the problem - they are usually shut by the time we leave the kitchen. I have the problem with him and not taking the glass back to the kitchen - and if it was one, I wouldn't complain, it is always more like 3 or 4 that I have to scrub out (tea, juice, soda, etc). That and not wanting to put towels in the hamper - it must be something with the hamper since he also will put his dirty clothes next to the hamper on the floor, so I have to pick them up and place them in when I discover them.

Can I just point out that your media set-up isn't very user friendly. It looks as if you have to open three cabinets and pull out two drawers just to watch a video.

If your Boy is anything like mine, he doesn't understand why the electronics can't be out in plain sight where they're easy to use. If you -- again like me -- want to conceal them anyway, inconvenience be damned, then closing the door after him is just your half of the inconvenience.

It's hard to get people to follow rules they don't agree with.

What drives me insane is when it takes microscopically extra time and or effort (and often not even that) to keep the place looking tidy. Like hanging the teatowel on the hook rather than on the back of a chair, when both are equal distances from the sink. Or putting your keys in the dish on the hall shelf rather than right beside the dish on the hall shelf (OMG, you don't even have to open a lid or anything). Grrr!

Lisa - LOL I agree with the media set up, I will admit I just didn't want to say it first. The fiance and I love convenience on the rare time we agree on a movie, so we just have a TV stand with an open front. It helps that everything is black - the blu ray player, the cable box, the switch box, the ps2 (don't ask - lol), etc.

My advice is if you are forcing your Man to open half a dozen things just to watch a movie, reconsider either the whine or the piece of furniture. It's a nice piece of furniture - but for media purposes, just doors would have been better with shelves inside -- the drawers are not great.

When it comes to the cleaning, I do most of it, which pisses me off when I work and the bf is unemployed! He says on many occasions that the fairies have come and done the cleaning. Last time I checked, I wasn't small and dainty with glittery wings.

However, I had a surprise this morning, after weeks of gentle prodding and training, my bf drew the curtains and made the bed himself, without prompting!! Apparently it's a job that the fairies are too little to do.

My biggest pet hate though is when he makes a snack and leaves crumbs all over the counter.

He still maintains that fairies come in the night and clean up the crumbs and put his discarded clothes in the laundry hamper.

I've just come to the conclusion that men's brains don't work like women's, and they just can't see the mess that we can!! Or that their brains don't compute that something is actually a mess. Either way!!

My brother used to turn on every light in the house every time he came home from work. I would be sitting on the coach when he came home and watch the whole thing go down. He walks in, turns the foyer light on, says hi to me on the coach and flips on the living room light as he asks me why I'm sitting in the dark. Go to the kitchroom, flip the light on and looks in the fridge. Goes to the bathroom and leaves with the light still on and THEN finally to his bedroom. All the while, every single light is now on in the house - I would laugh every single time.

It got to the point where we had to stage an intervention, before my mom made him pay the light bill.

Bad Habit: Calling anyone over the age of 17 Boy or Girl.

Solution: Try initials, they're far less twee.

well, my WIFE is a bit of a clutter bug. I clean and clean and clean, but ten minutes later it's back to cluttered.

...and the clutter doesn't just consist of purses, glasses, and jewelry. no, she leaves bowls, cups, plates, laptops, magazines, and all other kinds of chicanery lying around.

but I love cleaning, so it's fun!

My husband does the wet towel on the nice clean duvet thing all the time, as well as hiding glassware around the house. My biggest pet peeve is when he'll start piling recyclables/bottle returns/trash on top of the counters because the bins are full. A few months back I was dealing with pneumonia and spent a full week in bed. Once I was sort of mobile, it took me three days of solid cleaning to get the kitchen back to a fruit-fly free zone.

I will admit to my own bad habits though. I rarely shut the dresser drawers shut completely, I have no problem leaving my shoes directly in front of the door in the entrance way, and I tend to leave the bathroom vanity soaked every night after I do my nightly face-washing.

We communicate about our pet peeves a lot and while we are always trying to rid ourselves of the habit, I think the assumption that simply talking about it will somehow cure it all. Or that because we talk about pet peeves, this means we don't have a concept of what is important in life and somehow our relationship is suffering because we aren't able to "train" one another like dogs.

We love one another as we squabble about who refuses to put a new toilet paper roll on the holder instead of putting it on the back of the tank. And while I can be accused of leaving a passive aggressive note posted on the toilet paper roll recently, we both understand that a pet peeve is just that. A pet peeve.

* I think the assumption that simply talking about it will somehow cure it all is hilarious.

I really meant to finish that sentence.

This post really got my attention because when my boyfriend and I first started dating, he left every cabinet door open. I had never seen that phenomenon before and finally, after months and months of cabinet door-shutting, I calmly told him that there is only one thing I want to change about him--the cabinet door thing. He hadn't even realized he was doing it and now the problem is solved (he got the habit from his parents).

Now my next thing to work on is the dirty clothes issue. He tends to leave his shoes and clothes all over the apartment and when I move them to the hamper in the closet, he gets upset because he throws his clean clothes in the dirty clothes baskets! I apparently mix his dirty clothes with his clean clothes, and blah blah blah. So, I must teach him that clean clothes go in the drawers and on hangers and that dirty clothes go in the hamper IN THE CLOSET!

I have tested the "broken window theory" and found it not to be true. The theory states that if you have a clean house, or a nice neighborhood that the residents will want to keep it that way. But as soon as something is dirty, out of place, or graffitied on (the broken window), soon disorder will take over and everything will become cluttered. Well, I have tried to keep the apartment pristine, but he still throws clothes and shoes everywhere, leaves tools out, dirty dishes all over, etc. I just need to take it one step at a time or hire a cleaning service.

Apartment therapy didn't ask about our boyfriend's bad habits... They asked for yours!! I'm a huge girly girl... I go on crazy cleaning spurts scrubbing down everything and what not... I hate dishes being left in the sink... But I have to admit I leave my clothes EVERYWHERE! On the floor right in front of the laundry basket, at the end of the bed, my pajamas on the bathroom floor, jackets thrown in the hall way, shoes under my dining table and coffee table... It's a bad habit and I usually clean it up at least every other day and always before company comes over... but I still can't help but be in a hurry and just throw them on the floor! It drives my boyfriend crazy. Sorry!

Medenver,

I have a row of hooks in my closet that I use just for clothing that I've worn once and might wear again before washing. I don't like to put these pieces back into my drawer and when I do the laundry, I want to be able to identify them.

Before I put up the hooks (and even now sometimes) I did what your BF did.

I bet he'll respond better to having a separate place to put this category of clothing.

It isn't fair for me to expect everyone to conform to my neurotic neat freak self....so I live alone to save anyone else from being miserable.

Bad habit: leaving everything 20 cm from its rightful place. It drives me crazy, having to move those objets 20 cm downwards (like: putting the IN the actual drawer, not on top of it). I'm not talking about decorative objets, but about knives, bottles (kitchen stuff mainly).

He's sitting right next to me, and says he KNOWS where that "stuff" goes. Why do I still have to clean up after you ?

If someone in your house is leaving the cabinet doors open, it's time to give them a screwdriver and tell them to remove all the doors...

...and if they leave dirty glasses on the counter & elsewhere, just let them sit. When they ask where all the glasses are, tell them to look around the house.

And make them sort through the garbage for the recyclable items on the morning of garbage day - I bet they won't forget what goes in what bin after that.

My old housemate used to leave all the cupboards and drawers open - he couldn't even manage to put the lid back on the peanut butter! Drove me mad...

I'm living with my sister and I try pretty hard not to be too anal about what's lying around. I mean, it's a house, not a display area. I don't mind when her jacket is on the table or her bags are piled against a wall. I don't even mind (much... usually...) when dirty dishes are strewn over the living room - there's usually not too many and they're easy enough to pick up.

What does drive me crazy is when she uses/finishes something, and it's easy to put away, but she doesn't. For example, if she finishes a roll of toilet paper. She will change it (that one took some training, though!) but she won't replace the spare roll in the toilet, and she won't take the empty roll out - even though the recycling is on the way to ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE from the bathroom. Yesterday morning I got up and found the making for porridge, which are three stackable tupperware containers, strewn over the counter. There was no useable counter space. All I had to do was stack them and turn around and put them on top of the fridge where they live. Took about 10 seconds. It wasn't that I minded doing it, it was like shockthebourgeois and morina said - the idea that these things sort themselves out.

I wonder what I do that drives her crazy? Whinging about her housekeeping, probably. I really do try pretty hard - I lived by myself and I know I can have some crazy habits. Like, I have two sets of Jamie Oliver colour mugs - four shades of blue, four shades of green. It bugs me that she doesn't hand them in colour groups. I know that is insane! :) I mostly manage to talk myself out of the conflicts that are about how we each want our space to look, cos sharing a space means compromising. It's the stuff that requires extra work from me just to make the place livable - it's about respecting the other person's time.

Great thread! :D

I think it's funny that almost everyone is complaining about their boyfriends (or is that just a reflection of AT's reader base?)

It's the exact opposite in my relationship - I, the girl, am the cluttering, non-drawer-closing one. It drives my boyfriend crazy.

I have to say though, as the perpetrator, I don't think it's such an easy habit to break. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to bring myself to close that drawer or put my shoes neatly by the door instead of throwing them off wherever they land. Even if I logically think "it'll only take you 10 extra seconds to reach down right now and put the shoes in place," I somehow always walk away without doing it. I've spoken to other messy people, and I think it's almost a personality quirk. That being said, I totally clean when it's "cleaning time," and I'll leave the apartment spotless, but other times...it just can't be done!

I think Rebecca is using "Boy" here the same way I use "CatMan" when I blog: trying to maintain anonymity. I also appreciate the non-use of the royal 'we'.

And as a side note, if he acts like a boy, he's a boy.

My sister had what we thought was the best solution to the husband-taking-off-his-clothes-and-just-leaving-them-where-they-fall problem. She started picking them up, folding them and putting them back in the drawers. Problem was: he didn't notice and just wore the dirty undies, socks, t-shirts and jeans again. Didn't even care when she told him.

I've always thought that the glasses/cups all over the house, not closing drawers/doors, junk everywhere syndrome was just a manifestation of the disrespect that one party has for the other. People who truly respect one another clean up after themselves, so as not to leave messes for the other to clean.

I actually broke up with a man that had some other very fine qualities, but expected me to clean up after him...in my own home! If he wants to be piggy in his own place, that's fine. But, he couldn't show respect for me and my home when he was in it? He hadda go.

I have no bad habits of my own, of course.

Wow, some folks need a sense of humor. That's the best thing about this post, that she was laughing so hard when she took the photo that it's blurry. When you live with someone long enough some of these things, irritating as they may be, start to turn into a comedy routine. For example, my Boy (I don't actually call him that very often, although his *mother* invariably refers to him that way!) ALWAYS leaves the toilet seat up. I hate the way it looks and don't want the cats drinking out of the toilet, so for nearly ten years I've been telling him to put it down... now it's like something from a sitcom... I walk in, slam it down, and he hears the slam and will yell "Soooorrry!" from the other room. Thsi happens several times a day if we are both home. So no, this is not a problem communication and good will can solve... some people just *can't* remember these things for some reason!

I am evil.

Ages ago, in another life, my partner left all cabinet doors in the kitchen open. All of them. Always. Having once hit my head against an open door after pulling something out from a lower cabinet (which cured me of leaving any doors open) I never stopped complaining along the lines of "you will HURT yourself."

One day I just had enough. I was sitting at the counter, partner bends down to grab something from an under-counter cupboard, came up again and I did not scream "be careful."

I did however transport the patient with the bleeding head to the next doctor to have the gash taken care of.

As I said, I am evil.

The good news after that little interlude - not one single cabinet door was left open again. Not one. Never.