Living together can be tricky if communication is not involved. Aside from what furniture pieces you guys are meshing together or where you are placing everything, working out household responsibilities is also important. Here are a few tips on working this out. And we'd love to hear how you all have tackled this as well.
1. Sit down, relax and chat and get everything on the table. Talk with your partner or roommate about what your own thoughts are and what exact responsibilities you both have in mind. By sharing this information up front, and say, agreeing to hire someone to clean the house, will make for clear understanding about how your home will be cared for. Also, this is a time to talk about what tasks you want to be responsible for doing.
2. Talk about time expectations. People work and live at different paces. If your partner's task is to take out the trash, and he/she does this once a week but you prefer twice a week, talk about this. Then you won't be waiting or building a little resentment when your partner's jobs aren't done in your time line.
3. As you are talking, pick your chores. If both of you don't want one of the chores, a little rock, paper, scissors does the trick. Make it fun! Everyone goes through this decision making process when living with someone else.
4. Own it! Yes, this is important. Once you take on your list of responsibilities, do them. By not living up to your end of the bargain or doing these things with a frown will only make for tension in your home. If you are unhappy with the deal you made, try tip #1 again. It can all be worked out.
5. While it is your home and caring for it is important, try to keep it mellow. Even people that live alone can get bummed when they leave their own dishes in the sink for a few days but it's ok - don't be so hard on yourself. Give your partner and yourself a break and know that chores will get done.
Check out more posts about sharing a home from Apartment Therapy:
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I'm still negotiating this with my sister. We already have a family dynamic where everyone assumes everyone else is being passive aggressive. So far, we're doing pretty good at not buying into that, but there has been a bit of trial and error.
This week, she didn't get cross that I did the dishes even though it was her turn. (I know! Gift horse, mouth, much? But see earlier comments re passive aggression) Instead, she cooked and shared. We've just split shopping so that she gets things liek bread and milk, since she has a car, and I make sure we have enough olive oil and pasta and beans, etc. Things like the bathroom we takes turns at. Although I seem to be doing the outdoor chores all by my lonesome, which doesn't really work since I work 9-5 and here in the southern hemisphere it's DARK by the time I get home.
I think the thing I've learnt is the importance of that last tip. Our house is never going to look like a House & Garden photoshoot, and I wouldn't want it to. I am as much of a slob as her sometimes, I just don't see my own messes. I've been working pretty hard to relax about things (before she moved in I lived by myself for a couple of years) and I think I'm doing pretty well!
view Kaviare's profile
Very good points. It's also important to purge when you merge (take inventory of items from past relationships that may block you from fully investing in your new one, for example). I've posted some tips about Moving In Together.
Katy
http://fengshuibyfishgirl.com
view fishgirl's profile
Take #3 one step further: before random assignments are made, compare the chores you loathe versus the ones you love/don't mind.
I was delighted to discover my boyfriend will do dishes and load a dishwasher like nobody's business (it's the tetris/tangrams aspect of packing that machine). I hate that chore!
When he found out I love folding laundry (perfect TV watching task) and dusting he was elated since he can't stand the monotony of those things.
Why didn't we have that conversation ages ago???
view JuniperGreen's profile
Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!
view Annegret's profile