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This is just like the sex & the city episode...

When I have guests for dinner or a party, I don't ask them to take off their shoes. I assume I'll have to vacuum and spot clean my carpet. But day-to-day, I wear slippers and so does my beau.

I'm not really rigid about it. I take mine off. My husband had polio as a child and one of his legs is much shorter than the other. He really needs to keep his shoes on. If the weather is bad and we are visiting people, he brings a clean pair to put on when we arrive.

Same as kimg924

I take them off and put on slippers.

I lived in Japan for several years and grew used to having people remove their shoes when visiting my home. It does tend to keep the house cleaner. One thing we did over there was have shoes you wore just inside the house and different shoes you wore on the way to the party.

If I'm having a big dinner party then hell with taking shoes off but on ordinary days or when I have one or two guest then yes, I would ask them to take 'em off.

Ha! I had to remove my shoes at an oscar party house last night. I had on one striped sock and one argyle that I had been confident would stay hidden in my shoes. I've got hardwood floors and they take a beating from hard soles and dirt. However, if a guest wants to keep their shoes on, I'm fine with letting them. Whatever people are comfortable with.

Comment on the pic:


CROCS are HIDEOUS!

I'm from Europe, and it was always, but always, off as I was growing up, and it has stuck. It is considered quite rude to leave them on -- you are tracking dirt (and possibly disease) into a home by keeping your shoes on.

I think it's unspeakably rude to tell guests that they must remove their shoes in your home. If you're that obsessed with your floors, then don't invite people over in the first place.

By the by, I always take off my shoes at home but that's just what makes me comfortable. We invite friends over to dinner at least once a month. Some remove shoes & some don't. As long as they're comfortable that's all that matters to me.

Its crazy that this came up today! I am buying rugs tonight, for my new place and I am leaning towards white for the dining room. I have never had a shoe off rule, but now it wont be an option to go without it.

If people are going to come by en enjoy my new place, they are going to respect its cleanliness and take them off :)

I keep telling myself when I go to Ikea to buy a bunch of those slippers so that when we have a party people everyone has a pair to wear.

I don't think it's a big deal to allow guests to wear shoes even though I don't. It just feels unnatural to walk around the house with shoes because I look at my house as clean and the street as dirty. It's a tough one sometimes though in Chicago because the snow, rain, etc. can be pretty bad.

I just read somewhere that not wearing shoes in the house reduces lead dust by 60% in cities where there are is alot of walking (so maybe this would not be true for LA). Sorry I can't remember the source for this stat. Maybe people would be more willing to take of their shoes if they think about it in terms of their health rather than in terms of a bossy host.

Off. The thought of tracking in all that gunk from the street... yuck.

I did just what Art said, I bouth a bunch of slippers at IKEA that I provide for my guests when I have parties. I also write on my evites that it have a no-shoe policy at my place. :)
If you don't like it don't come.

I think it depends on how well you know your guests. If they're close friends in casual clothes, and they know what to expect from you, and you know they'd be at ease with their shoes off, go ahead and have them take their shoes off. But if you're inviting a bunch of less-familiar acquaintances over, and they don't know what to expect, then don't ask them to do it.

Personally, I always take my shoes off when I come home, because it's comfortable and I want to be considerate of my downstairs neighbor. But at the same time, there's nothing worse than going to a semi-fancy gathering and having to take off my heels at the door. It's just...awkward. Shoes are part of the outfit, dammit!

Also, I think sanitary concerns are somewhat overstated. Doormats work pretty well, and I think most people sweep/mop/vacuum on a regular basis anyway. Life is dirty!

if it's a couple of friends of family guest, it's fine to ask for no shoes. but if its a party, i think it's kind of ridiculous. You will have to clean the floor and most likely the whole apartment after a party, so why make people take the shoes off?

I'm with Nougat on this subject. If planning to entertain, you have to expect cleaning afterwards. Some glasses could be broken unintentionally and red wine spilled, it's all a natural occurrence. As a host you should make sure that your guests feel welcome and comfortable in your home. I'm only 5'1'', i will consider it as insult to remove my stilettos at anyone's home, unless it's kids birthday bash and half of the time i'll be sitting on the floor anyway. I lived in many countries and continents for extensive periods, and yes, i prefer to be barefoot in my own home. But if company is invited, concerning about my glossy white floors is not on my agenda. If the cleanliness of your floors is an issue, you should not invite people over.

I have the no-shoes rule myself and have recently converted the SO. I grew up with white carpets in the house and have discvoered that it is much, much cleaner when you take your shoes off. Imagine how much yech (that's a technical term) you drag into your house! Other people's germs from spit on the sidewalk, dog crap, dirt from the metro, dust, etc., etc., etc. -- it's just too gross to be tracking around! I always ask people to take off their shoes in my house. Some of them think I'm a little crazy, but I don't think anyone is too offended. Another reason? You can see from my floors that the past tenant's high heels have taken a toll on the wood.

In my view, it's unspeakably rude not to ask someone if you should take off your shoes when you get into their house. You're being invited into their home, you can do whatever you want in your own space!

In Montreal, everyone takes shoes off. Always.

In many cultures, it's just rude not to.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if keeping shoes on is something only Americans do?

I was actually just in an antique rug dealer's shop the other day, and he said that the reason high-quality rugs last longer (even when used as ground-covering in a tent) in Turkey, and Persia, and other traditionally rug-making areas is that they always take their shoes off. So on my $13,000 rug (which I will someday own, dangit), the shoes will come off unless it's a big fancy party. Who wants to regulate that many people?

Same thing goes for hardwood floors. It's just so damn expensive to refinish those suckers.

I have a friend with foot problems and she doesn't remove her shoes as a result. I, on the other hand, rarely wear shoes in the house. A good number of my college friends are Asian so they don't wear shoes in the house, either.

I figure, as a hostess, I'm obliged to let people do as they feel comfortable doing. The majority ditch their shoes at the door because it's more comfortable, but it's their choice.

I take my own shoes off at home, but don't insist that others do the same. It feels more comfortable to change into slippers/Birkenstocks; removing one's shoes somehow also reinforces the idea that you're home, finished with work and can relax.

marisajane - same thing here! The shoes had to come off at our Oscars party. It was at a gorgeous new condo in the SOMA Grand building in San Francisco with white carpets. We were willing to do it for the glamour of the night view of city hall. :D

I think that as a courtesy, the host should let you know the no shoes policy via the invite, so you know to wear something that goes with stocking feet.

I have one friend here with white carpets and a strict party policy of no shoes and no red wine/grape juice.

I personally don't wear shoes in my house. I never asked guests to take them off, but I did during a party I had, because I'm aware how absolutely loud it is for the person underneath me--even without shoes.

Definitely shoes off... I grew up in an Asian part of town in California, and that's just the norm. It's considered quite rude to leave your shoes on, trekking dirt and germs into people's homes.

I was introduced to the concept through a Japanese friend and it just made so much sense. Besides, most shoes are for outside, not inside. And there's the health issues - lead was mentioned, but all the pesticides being tracked in (old, but still true: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/04/990427045111.htm).

I've had a few friends who just follow my lead if they're coming into my place with me (and some converts too). It definitely is harder when new guests are coming over who have never heard of this concept before.

One question I have: are there any hints you can drop or any other tricks to help in getting a guest to take shoes off... without coming out and saying it? I've been getting by with the "we've just had our floors done" reasoning. And I've seen a few signs that say "Shoes off, please" ... but anything else?

oops:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/04/990427045111.htm

I take mine off, not always instantly at the door, but I don't walk around the house in them. But I would never ask guests to take off their shoes - unless there's some outstanding reason it's just rude.

I wear slippers at home, but I don't care if guest take off their shoes, though most of our friends automatically remove their shoes because of their own practice. Our floors downstairs are concrete so they are easy to clean. Upstairs though i never wear shoes because we have pine floors which are soooo soft they show everything.

It's strange because I don't even think about it - my family and friends all take off their shoes when entering a house. I honestly thought it was the norm! No one has ever walked into my home and left their shoes on so it's never been a problem. Sock feet are where the party's at anyway. :)

We do not wear shoes in our apartment for two reasons: cleanliness and noise. Since we do not have 80% of our nice hardwood floors covered (as required by our coop) we want to minimize the noise for our downstairs neighbors.

Another Asian-American here who grew up barefoot around the house. In fact, I was the one who felt odd going to my friends' houses and keeping my shoes on!

I guess if I had a guest who felt awkward without shoes, I'd compensate by providing some rockin' slippers.

I live on top of a lunatic who goes totally nuts if I don't take my shoes off!

I agree with pswede, give your guests a heads up well in advance.

I grew up in Hawaii and shoes were always off in the house. It was a habit that I carried into my adulthood to the point of having made a lovely sign in calligraphy for my front door about "shoes off" in the house. Most people were fine. Some were not. I didn't push it. I have to say that my house stayed much cleaner without the outside world being tracked in.

I did end up keeping a basket of clean socks by the front door for people who were more comfortable with more on their feet...a suggestion from my disgruntled aunt when I asked her to take her shoes off. It was a good idea!

Here in France, where there is waaaay more on the street to be tracked in, people seem to keep their shoes on...until they get the hang of it chez moi, that is!

www.lafourchette.blogspot.com

@alexisfromtexas,

How did your neighbor approach you regarding shoes on the floor?

I'm afraid to know seeing as you call him a lunatic.

But I wouldn't mind approaching my neighbor who wears heeled boots on a laminate wood floor. I just don't know how to approach the subject without sounding like an ahole.

I take my shoes off and wear slippers, but I think it's totally rude to ask guests to, and I never take my shoes off in others' houses.

Who wants to see someone's smelly, stinky feet? And I often go sockless--there is no way I'm walking barefoot in someone's house. Disgusting.

For people who worry about what gets tracked in...do you not vacuum and wash your floors?

I leave it up to the choice of each person who comes into my house. If anyone tracks in something nasty, I'd speak up.

My husband takes his off because he likes to, but doesn't think about it for any other reason. I wear slippers the house. As a kid I found every stray nail, glass shard, and splinter so I can't bare to go bare. I also can't ever seem to keep floors pristine enough to keep my feet as clean as I'd like.

When I visit someone who has this rule, inside I freak out a bit. Perhaps it's a touch of OCD. All that runs through my mind is "Do I need a pedicure?", "Will my feet smell" and "What if I step on something?" I try to remember who has these rules so I cna be ready when I arrive, but sometimes I forget.

My landlady gave me the idea after she'd put in brand new carpet. I do like the idea and i take mine off when i enter my own apartment, but i dont ask it of others since my shoes are usually slip ons (uggs or flip flops) and we usually arent there long. I also have foot issues and am paranoid about getting my toes hurt, but i do like the idea. might enforce that in my new place- we'll see.

i dont mind being asked at dinner parties, though i think it does lower the class if its an upscale event.

for a casual visit, I don't mind if the hosts ask me to remove my shoes; however if it's a dinner party, I object. Shoes are part of one's outfit--courtesy is a two-way street. A good host should not expect guests to remove their shoes if they are invited to the house.

If you think my shoes are disgusting, wait until you see my be-bunioned, broken-toed, arch-fallen feet. They look so great with my party dress. And of course without the orthotics I can't stand comfortably for more than five minutes. What a fun time! Thanks for inviting me!

this is amazing - every time you run this post, it fills up like wildfire. Just perusing this, it's the same old. I'm not even reading it this time.

i'm asian and i do expect my guests to remove their shoes. i have never had anyone insinuate that this is rude behavior on my part, but i suppose if someone were to tell me that i had just committed an egregious faux pas in regards to the customs i choose to keep in my own home, i would tell that person that s/he is more than welcome to keep his shoes on since s/he will shortly be leaving. :)

when i go to other people's houses, i make sure that my socks are without holes or that my feet are clean. insisting that you can't remove your shoes because they make your outfit strikes me as absurdly self-absorbed and discourteous.

zunzie: of COURSE I clean an vaccuum religiously. But in between, I don't want to step in whatever I've just tracked in. I'd be washing my floors once a day! What I can't understand is how people can walk around in their shoes in the evening and then bafefoot when they wake up... that's practically like walking around barefoot on the street! Ick!

I don't mind seeing other people's feet. I'd much rather be looking at ugly feet than knowing that there's a bunch of crap being trudged in on the bottom of their shoes.

I take my shoes off at other homes and expect others to do the same at mine. I supply guest slippers.
Unpedicured bare feet present a challenge - also people who think its okay to pick at their feet (my stomach is turning).

i'm asian too and it's just second nature to us. i'm amazed at the number of people who find it rude to ask guests to remove their shoes. i always take off my shoes when i visit an asian household. we are pretty lax at our house and usually tell guests not to bother removing their shoes, but with some guests, especially older asians, even if i insist they keep their shoes on, they just cannot NOT remove their shoes, it's so ingrained to do so.

Growing up, we were never allowed to wear shoes already worn outside into the house. We always had zōri (Japanese sandals that are not unlike flip-flops) in the house for ourselves and extra pairs for guests. I have not broken this tradition and cannot see myself doing so in the future. As my guest, there is a small designated area right by the front door for you to change into sandals that I provide. But you can choose against wearing these indoor sandals (I keep my floors really clean anyway), so long as you remove shoes that you have worn outside.

Here's the take-away message: If you keep your shoes on, many people will assume that you're rude and have no appreciation of other cultures.

I watched that Sex&The City with a group of non-Americans and they were appalled by how rude Carrie was about her shoes. They couldn't understand why anyone would want to be friends with someone like that.

I agree w/Nougat...it's EXTREMELY rude to require guests to remove some of their clothing to enter your home. If you're that fussy about your house then don't entertain in the first place.

It's a floor. It can't love you back and you can't take it with you when you die. Run the vacuum after the party and get over it.

At least have the decency to warn guests in advance that they'll be required to shed their shoes. That way they can decline the invitation (with relief).

I'm a shoes-off household, although I will make exceptions. And I do provide socks and slippers for my guests.

For those who want to have a shoes-off policy, I've got a list of entranceway shoe storage options to help.

Floors were meant to be walked on. If you want to be able to eat off your floors, then don't invite people over.

Shoes *OFF*. Off off off. The soles of your shoes track in grime, fecal matter, and, apparently, lead residue, and all kinds of other stuff. We don't have kids yet, so for us it isn't about that - why bring the outside in? It's nasty out there in the streets and on the subway. I can't believe people don't think about that.

I spent a lot of time as a kid in a dojo so this was just second nature to me, but I have been shocked by some peoples' hostility to the idea. I think wearing shoes inside is disrespectful.

Whatever makes my guests comfortable is what I encourage them to do - so shoes on or off, it doesn't matter to me. Making a guest take off their shoes b/c you'd like to keep your floors clean just says to me that you want to have a good time with friends/guests by YOUR means of comfort and that you're too lazy to clean up after them when they leave. I mean, do you make them eat off of paper plates as well so you don't have to wash any dishes???

I grew up with white rugs and a Russian mother (some Russians, like other Asians, have a no-shoes-indoors custom), so it was always shoes-off. Now that I'm all grown up, and obsessed with shoes, I keep 'em on!

True, nazrd. Here's a little design tip, people: don't cover your floors in materials that can't deal with shoes. I know, I know; it's a radical thought, but I'm an out there kinda guy.

This whole shoe/no shoe thing is, at least in Western countries, all about power. It's about your host exercising control over his/her environment, his/her party and his/her guests. Being forced to remove your shoes implies that you are less important than the house, and have been invited to glory at the magnificence of their abode, not because you are a fascinating or valuable person. It treats guests as an obstacle to, rather than a cause of, happiness.

This power relationship can be inverted easily enough, if you have the will. You may like to remind your host, with your most disarming smile, that you are not a mindless dog who will track in every particle of crap off the street (obviously after making sure that the soles of your shoes are clean!) If that fails, just offer to pay for any damage your shoes cause.

Having lived in Minnesota, where it was the norm for hosts to require guests to take their shoes off in the winter, I'm puzzled by the claim that it's "unspeakably rude" not to want mud and snow tracked all over your floors. Slippery floors are dangerous for all of your guests, plus I'd love to hear about the marvelous, high-quality rug material that can survive several hours of 20 guests with sopping, muddy shoes.

Out here where it's warm and dry, we don't wear shoes in the house, and it's up to guests what they choose to do.

I figured that's why they made cool socks.

We just came back from living in Japan and really liked taking off our shoes at the door. I have always mocked slippers as some horrid 50's housewife thing, but now I like the idea. When we finish our big renovation, I think I am going to implement the slipper rule and just be mellow about it with guests.

shoes are definitally ok in the house.. and we have lives in halifax, nova scotia... miami.. and now savannah... in the winter in halifax you would most likely leave your boots/shoes at the door and want to get thoes wet beasts off as soon as possible and into a nice cushy pair of slips.. same goes here as well.. its nice to get some air at the toes.. once a month i get down on my hands and knees and get real high off cleaning products.. part of the fun of cleaning right? haha.. horrible ... so... shoes on if you want.. just no jumping on the bed with them on!

oh.. and if you have crocks on... get the hell out of my house.. aha

Blandwagon, you hit the nail on the head! Bravo!

I can understand the cultural differences and that different things are expected in different weather conditions. But in an average American city on an average dry day, one should not require one's guests to remove their footwear. Maybe this is the southern girl in me talking, but it is extremely rude and, frankly, makes the host seem stuck-up and more concerned with their home than their guests.

It's all about the role of a proper host and the role of a proper guest. A host's job - first and foremost - is to make sure the guests are comfortable and happy and having a good time. If I go to someone's home and I am automatically told to take off my shoes, I feel as though I'm being lectured to like a child and that is a BAD way to start off a party. Now, if I go to a friends home and I have somehow gotten mud on my shoes or if my shoes are sopping wet in slushy nastiness, I will automatically take off my shoes by myself without prompting and I will then apologize for trodding through their home in my stocking feet. I am a considerate adult and I know that this is what considerate guests do. A person who invites me to their home needs to trust that I am a responsible adult who will treat their home with respect. I merely ask for them to treat me with respect in return.

Bottom line: People are more important than floors. Most people don't go trodding about in dog shit, so don't worry about it getting in your house. Any dirt can be cleaned up after the party. In the mean time, relax! Have fun! Enjoy the time with your friends while you can!

I ask people to take off their shoes solely because I want to be courteous to my downstairs neighbors. The sound-proofing is pretty good in our building, but the noise of hard soles on hardwood floors travels *very* well between up- and downstairs units. That said, I don't make a big deal about it if someone doesn't want to remove their shoes at the door.

I know most Americans didn't grow up in a culturally diverse area so it's harder for them to understand that others have different and cleaner habits. Is it an American thing or a general European/Caucasian thing?

Whenever I go into a persons house, the first thing I do is check to see whether or not they are wearing shoes indoors. If they are not, I automatically start taking mine off. If they are, I leave them on.

If it's rude for a host to ask their guests to take their shoes off, then it's rude for the guest to NOT offer to take their shoes off first. I don't care at all about what you do in your own house, but as a guest in someone ELSE's space, you should at least put on a show of some respect for that fact instead of just assuming they operate like you, no?

On a side note, the outside streets are hella dirty! I probably step in gum, dog piss, human piss, and god knows what else every day (I KNOW I step in subway station piss at least once a week, y'all new yorkers know what I mean!) Tracking that into my apt... gross. I clean little enough as it is.

I always offer to take my shoes off when I'm a guest. I appreciate it when my guests do the same, but would never ask them to.

I get the concerns about true dirt - snow, mud, etc. - being trampled through the house, but I think concerns about germs etc. are a little overwrought. Everyday? Yeah, that gets gross. But one evening's worth of "dirt" doesn't really matter.

And the thought of being offered a pair of communal slippers at the door? Ick.

For those of you who insist that people take off their shoes, would you please be kind enough to let your guests know ahead of time? That way they can decide before going through an awkward moment at your door.

I am Mexican and it is extremely rude to tell anyone going into your house to take off their shoes. We personally did not wear street shoes in the home, but we would never ever ask a guest to take off theirs. You simply clean when they leave.

I can understand having people take off wet winter shoes, but otherwise, seriously, let your guests know beforehand.

Also, are you even sure your floors are clean? I have taken my shoes off at homes where I almost puked walking on the cat hair and dirty bathroom mats..

We're not in Asia. We don't have a tradition of tatami mats on our floors. There's really no reason to make someone else's tradition mandatory for all, or to act as if people are unsanitary if they opt to walk on what are, after all, pretty hardy surfaces.

Buy a mop.

In general, I take my shoes off pretty quickly upon entering my house, but I'm not strict about it. Parties are another story: I have a small foyer/entryway, and confess that I find it pretty annoying to have a big pile of dirty shoes from other guests be the first sight greeting people as they walk in. Yuck.

Last month I wore heeled shoes with buckles to a party, and found myself hopping on one leg as soon as I got there (trying to take the shoes off, with nowhere to sit), to abide by the no-shoes rule of the owner. Mighty annoying.

If you have a proper place to remove shoes, a proper place for the shoes, and impeccably clean and fresh slippers, it's not rude for your guests. It's not simply about being fanatical about your wood floors, it goes beyond that. It's arrogance to assume the position that because it's not your custom, it's rude when asked to follow it in someone else's home.

Zazzou and Nougat. I have a small house and a crawling baby. I think it is rude on my guests NOT to remove their filthy shoes that they wore walking all around London.
My old fashion English father in law was horrified when I asked him to removed his muddy shoes because my baby was crawling on the living room rug as it's the only biggish space that she has for walking/playing. If my baby's health and wellbeing makes me rude then so be it!

I'm anal about taking my shoes off as soon as I come in (unless I'm carrying laundry or groceries). But my husband is not anal. He generally does it, but at least once or twice he drives me nuts by forgetting to do it. I don't get it. I'm so much more relaxed, once I take my shoes off. Just the way I grew up.
When I have guests over, I leave it up to them. I do hope they wipe their shoes off on the door mat before though. Try not to think about what their shoes may have walked on on the way over. Dirty city.
If they're sock-less, I lend them socks, if they want any.

Ah, the dirt and germs argument. Does one then also remind guests to put down the toilet lid before flushing, inspect their hands their hands for signs of washing after using the bathroom, and scold them if they cough without properly covering their mouths?

If people are coming into my house, they should feel like an honoured guest, not like a child. Most people who visit me ask about the shoes/no shoes thing at the door, which is lovely of them. I always say, "Whatever you'd prefer."

eastlaker: the culture with which i grew up doesn't have a tradition of tatami mats on our floors either, but thank you for the completely irrelevant generalization. asian americans who choose to follow the shoes-off custom are not "imposing our traditions" on anyone. we are not dragging you into our homes and then forcibly removing your shoes. nor are we going into your homes, removing our shoes, and insisting that you yourselves should know better. it's your home; you can do with it as you please, and if i were to visit, i would be happy to oblige your own traditions. so get real. we have a preference about the state of our floors, and we hope that houseguests will be courteous and thoughtful enough to heed our preferences instead of "imposing their traditions" on our floors.

as for warning guests in advance: most of the people i invite home are cultured enough to know that this might be a tradition that i would follow, and they tend to do the already-mentioned example of the discreet visual sweep before automatically following my lead. conversely, it may have nothing to do with exposure to culture: i did grow up in a city up north in which we may have been the only asians in the entire neighborhood, but many of my friends' families observed the same shoes-off custom in their homes that my family did in ours. even generally non-abiding guests were always graceful enough to comply with the shoes-off rule without a snicker, a pout, or a disbelieving stare. at the most, it would lead to discussions about the merits of shoes-on vs. shoes-off -- but in no way would anyone ever say anything as patronizing about other people's traditions, not to mention the cleanliness of our floors, as some of the comments i've read here.

In the Czech Republic taking your shoes off is the rule and everyone does it automatically, I just follow the local custom :)
In Italy (where i come from) it's shoes on but for a few exceptions: if it has been raining or if the house owner are particular, you may be asked to go around 'skating' on small squares of felt under your shoes.... rather unpractical.
BTW: one of the reasons of this difference may be that in the Czech Republic people often use carpets in their houses/flats whereas Italians generally hate carpets (I hate carpets too)

most of our friends and families observe the same shoes-off custom as we do. we have a stack of slippers at the entrance that our guests can wear if they prefer. i wear slippers in the house but my husband likes to go barefoot.

I grew up in hawaii, where taking shoes off is customary due to an asian-influenced culture. these days we pretty much stick to that rule, though it's not strictly enforced.

I'm with Nougat etc - its incredibly rude to tell people to take their shoes off when they come into your house - no excuses, it just is.

Imagine how many verrucas and cases of athletes foot have been spread with a party full of people in their socks...

i really get annoyed going to someone's house with a no shoe policy. i don't have that policy and i did not grow up with it. i usually kick my shoes off anyway depending on the occasion, but if i'm sitting down to a nice dinner party and i got all gussied up i wanna leave my shoes on until atleast dessert!

and yuck i dont wanna wear any crappy cheap slippers from ikea that every other house guest wore! and who's to say it's even my size and moreover it just looks dorky.

i recently went to a party of a friend who has the no shoe rule. i didnt have a problem with it, i expected it. apparently others did not. one guy was wearing a black sock and the other was black with a red toe and heel. someone else was wearing what i considered remnants of a former pair. you could see his heels through the socks and one toe was playing peek-a-boo. they were both visibly uncomfortable. i think you should tell your guests ahead of time. so they can choose a better pair of socks or choose not to come at all.

I think shoes on/off has a lot to do with the prevailing type of flooring in the culture: if we are talking wood and carpet, it tends to be shoes off (e.g., in the Czech Republic), If many homes tend to have stone or tiled floors (e.g. many parts of France, Italy and Switzerland), then people tend to wear shoes. Think about it: how easy are the floors to sanitize and wash? Stone and tile floors are pretty easy, but wood less so -- and wood also gets damaged by grit.

For more formal dinners and events in cultures where there is an adamantly shoes-off policy, it is de rigeur to bring a pair of clean (inside-only) shoes to change into (hence, elegant velvet and satin shoe bags). For all those so hung up about taking your shoes off that you are demanding that you be forewarned that a host/hostess has a shoes-off policy, just bring a pair of inside shoes...

In places with tiled floors(i.e., here in Switzerland), I just consider it polite to bring along a pair of shoes or slippers to change into anyway. Afterall, our daughter's school has a very strict shoe-changing policy, and she and all her friends are used to bringing their party shoes or inside-shoes along in a shoe bag.

I LOVE this discussion. My husband and his whole family have the shoes-off rule, and I hate it. Not because I mind taking my shoes off--I don't think anyone relaxes at night with their shoes on--but because it's such a pain if I'm going in and out the door with my hands full, like when I'm loading and unloading groceries, or if I forgot something and have to run back upstairs, but stop and take my shoes off first. Not all shoes are easy to slip in and out of!
I think it's largely situational: If my boots are gross and muddy, of course I'll take them off before walking in the house. But if it's a situation like I described above, I prefer to keep them on until it's convenient to take them off. In my opinion, a place to sit (other than the floor) is a better way to encourage guests to take off their shoes than a shoe rack, or god, forbid, a sign.
I think most people can agree that's it's rude to ask but also rude not to offer.

What do cable repairmen and people like that wear into a house in Japan? Do they take their boots off at the door and put slippers on? I'm just wondering. I think it's a good idea to take shoes off, but not make guests do so if they don't want to. Ever see that Curb your Enthusiasm episode?

I'm surprised at the one comment that wrote:

"I think it's unspeakably rude to tell guests that they must remove their shoes in your home. If you're that obsessed with your floors, then don't invite people over in the first place."

Is it rude to ask someone not to smoke in your home? I'm obsessed with clean air in my house, and likewise with clean floors. I know it's a huge stretch - but its not your house, and I'm really surprised at your stance.

At parties I sometimes hope that I'll be able to wear my striking high heels (it does compliment the outfit) and I admit, I'm a bit bummed when I'm asked to remove my shoes, but 3 minutes later I've forgotten all about it and I'm enjoying the party.

Ooooh, I so hate when I am looking so fly (as usual) and my shoes really set off my get-up and I get to the home of the host and am asked to remove my shoes. It is quite a bummer. I never ask guests to remove their shoes unless it's rainy or snowy outside.

P.S. I should have stated that I have a double standard. If it's a dinner party, then indeed guests should be allowed to leave their shoes on. If it's just your old chum coming over to lounge about and talk smack with you, then they are more than welcome to remove their shoes.

In Israel, most people have cold stone floors without underfloor heating. This is great in the summer when bare feet feel cool on the floor, but in the winter you can't really ask people to take off their shoes even if they are coming in with mud. (but the cheap Ikea slippers idea could work....)Then again, stone or tiled floors are easier to clean than carpets andare extremely durable.

1) New England is cold. I have bad circulation. If I go without shoes, I had better have slippers, or my feet are going to freeze.
2) My mother did a lot of sewing when I was growing up. We had wall-to-wall shag carpet. There were pins everywhere. Shoes were a protective device.
3) I have bad feet - a dead nerve in one that leaves it numb and weakened. If I have to stand or walk without shoes for long periods, I hurt.

Therefore, I wear shoes pretty much all the time, sometimes slippers. My boyfriend is a bare foot sort of person. I have considered switching to a general no-shoes policy for us at home in order to limit the cleaning, because it does take far more upkeep to manage wood floors if you wear your shoes indoors. But personally, I would have to keep a pair of "indoor" shoes by the front door. And I can't imagine asking guests to remove their shoes - that's just not the custom here. I've only been asked to take off my shoes once or twice in my life. (Always in the sorts of houses that have white couches and carpets).

People can do whatever they want but I do think it is rather strange when someone walks all over their nicely finished wood floor with shoes. Especially when many people's floors are not wood, they are laminate. Carpeting too. I wouldn't want to lay down on a door mat just like I wouldn't want to lay down on carpeting that has been regularly walked on with shoes. I guess I'm just anal.

It's both cultural and social.. In Japan, you wouldn't even consider entering someone's house with your shoes on. It's such an integral part of the culture that houses are designed that way (the entry / foyer area is sunken) so you have the opportunity to take your shoes off, and climb up onto the living area where slippers are provided.

I think it's a nice gesture to offer slippers for guests if you request their shoes be taken off. Having said that, dinner parties where everyone is all dressed up from head to... ankles (?) and completing the look with slippers would make a great photo.

I usually take my shoes off at the door, but in a northern, snowy climate, there isn't much choice! But that is the reason we installed hardwood throughout the entire house when we built - rugs and wood can be washed rather easily - unlike carpet.

I also didn't want to be the crazy floor lady (no red wine for you!) so what ever makes my guests happy! I have to clean up after a good party anyway!

Wende- if you have guests who would tromp through with crusty muddy boots, don't invite them over. I agree with a lot of the posters that I would never insist a guest remove their footwear. My in-laws have an unspoken shoes off policy, and it is a pain in the ass. They have no real "entry way," just a square of tile directly under the swing of the front door and there is no defined place for shoes so going in and out sucks becasue I am constantly tripping over shoes.

My dad lives in Russia where the custom is to remove your shoes because oftentimes people there are wearing heavy boots but my stepmom, like most other families, have slippers for visitors and a chair or bench where they can remove their shoes. This makes it convenient and keeps your feet warm.

In my little apartment I slip into my Ugg slippers, which I will wear to take the trash out too, because they are so comfy. I oftentimes remove my shoes when I visit friends and family, but I would find it odd to be mandated to do so, and of course, if I had muddy boots I would remove them.

We are a shoes-off home. For us it is not about preserving our flooring, but about trying to prevent dirt and germs getting tracked into the house. We have a toddler who crawls and roll on the floor and also likes to put his hands in his mouth. Most of our guests take their shoes off at the door without being asked (as we do at their homes). Others need a polite reminder and then comply. To me it is a matter of courtesy. I do not think that inviting people into my home requires me to submit to whatever my guests feel like doing there. To me, it is the same as asking people not to smoke. People come to my home for conversation, company, food, etc. Not to walk around in their shoes. We do keep clean socks and slippers for those who need/want them. Most people seem comfortable just wearing the socks that are under their shoes. I am a little surprised by the number of people here who apparantly need advanced warning in order to turn up with clean socks on...

Carpet? shoes off.
Carpet, wood, and it's a party?
ask ahead. I always do as I like to put a look together.

Wood floors?
They are so easy to clean.
I would give my place a quick mopping after shoed guests left. Otherwise I like to be barefoot on the wood at home.
My new place was just re-carpeted before I moved in, against my will, and I hate it.
But the shoes come off, it gets vacuumed a lot, and the feeling of being barefoot on nice new carpet is sweet.

So be practical, and flexible.

addendum:
What dirties carpet the most?
In my experience it's the cuff of our jeans dragging on the rug when our shoes are off.
So shoes left on aren't such a bad idea when a bunch of people come over.

I'm Finnish, and back home people always take their shoes off indoors. The only exception being (very) formal parties, and even then people usually bring an indoor pair to change into.

I've always found it strange, that (on tv) people seem to have no problem having their feet (and shoes!) up on the sofa or even the bed.

Still don't know if my home in the US will be a no-shoes-zone or not.

It's really puzzling to read so many hostile comments and how offended some of you are when asked to remove shoes. Why is it such a big deal? I grew up in a Korean household and just like many other Asian culture, shoes were not welcome inside. I do feel a bit shy asking some people to remove their shoes before entering my house because I have come across people who were irrationally offended. I use the good old 'culture' reason and that seems to satisfy most people and it's true. There are many reasons why we don't wear shoes inside. Culture being number one but rest are all tied to that. Growing up, didn't you follow your friends' house rules when you visited them? Why does it change now that we are grown up and should know better?

I have a cute little sign by the front door outside that say we observe the Asian custom of removing shoes..
Inside I have a clean pair of sippers for each person.. some bring there own and leave them..
If some people have a hard time with this we do let them leave their shoes on.
Maj

Lol, nice response to the ignorant poster, lemonpie.

I think if it's not part of your culture, it is very rude to ask someone to take off their shoes. Isn't that what a welcome mat is for? How about you put a couple more rugs just inside the door? I mean, I live in Seattle and it's rainy and muddy here, and I wouldn't have dreamed of asking our Christmas guests to take off their shoes.

1) you get cold without your shoes, especially if you're wearing thin hose or maybe your feet got sweaty which leads to
2) some people's feet sweat, which can be a little embarrassing -- you'd rather see sweaty footprints on your tile floor? which leads to
3) stinky feet!

I think my main problem is, I feel like my friends are valuing the untouched sanctity of their carpet above their friends' comfort. It's anal and it sucks.

I think it's funny that no Canadians have weighed in (or not noted where they are from). I've lived across Canada and it is always understood that shoes come off at the door. I've noticed that we tend to be really subtle about it and most people don't take offence if you don't take your shoes off.

That said, it is seen as a dirty habit - even in school we had "indoor" and "outdoor" shoes. I think the example of a party is pretty ridiculous though - if my friends came over to dinner and they were wearing nice shoes I'd leave it as is. If they stop by in their winter boots, all covered in snow/dirt/salt - they aren't going to be allowed to walk all through my house.

On a related note, I often assume that if people want to leave their shoes on it's because their socks are in bad shape or their feet smell.

Doh, I missed the Montreal comment. ;) It's late and I'm sick, I could fill up this whole post with my comments on shoes in the house.

I myself am torn. My first party in my first house I allowed shoes. The house was brand new... I still stare at the pock marks on my kitchen floor- I know whose poorly maintained pumps with exposed metal heels they were too..... but on the flip side. I have really bad fallen arches. If I am spending a long evening at someone else's house and I have to go without shoes.... I am in pain for days afterwards. I have found it best if I ask to keep them on.)

"It's really puzzling to read so many hostile comments and how offended some of you are when asked to remove shoes. Why is it such a big deal?"

Because you're asking people to be less formal than they should be as visitors - if you were nudists would you ask everyone to take their clothes off when they came to your house? - cause its just the same thing - or would you complain about loose hair floating about your house and ask them to wear a hairnet?

Just because of the picture: please please please I beg stop wearing CROCS (unless you are 5 years old or are a nurse -- and then only to work).

Based on the comments I'm reading I would say..

1) I have no shoes rule in my house, but I'm also afraid of athlete's foot from other people, you just never know

2) I also think that communal slippers are nasty

3) to avoid this, I meet friends and family either in their homes or at a venue.

4) I purchase area rugs that are easy to clean.

This is an issue that always draws such hostility. I don't get it.

Why such venom? Perhaps those who are so adamant to wear their shoes live in climates where mud and snow (and muddy snow) are not part of day-to-day life. Most of the people I know would consider it unspeakably rude to wear such wet, dirty shoes into the house.

For my part, I can't remember ever visiting a home where it was absolutely mandatory that one take off their shoes or vice versa. I look at the hosts' feet and use that as a guideline. What's the big deal?

Horrible Moments of Shoe Removal for Emily

1. Going to a bridal shower ... had to take off my shoes and hide my un-pedicured toes (and I mean LONG toenails, unnatractive) and smelly feet. I've never felt more uncomfortable.

2. I turned these old flare jeans into the perfect jeans to tuck into boots by cutting, and stitching. Went to a NEW friend's house on a whim (impromtu party) and was asked to take my boots off. Had to make an excuse and leave.

3. Sock with a hole in the toe. Humiliating.

For me, I believe in hospitality. That means making people feel SUPER comfortable. I was once at a Bible study at a woman's house and someone said, "Can we take our coffee and muffin into the living room?" And she said, "Please! Take it! Spill! I don't care! The more stains on my couch, the more memories of the good times I've had." And she really meant it. That stands out as the most gracious hostess I've ever known. I really felt like I could spill my coffee and wouldn't be embarassed or feel guilty. I want to make everyone feel that good in my home.

I grew up in a rural area, and my parents always insisted we and anyone coming over remove our shoes when we came in. I was one of five children, so the carpet would have gotten ruined very quickly if we were allowed to trample wherever we pleased. Because of this, I always assumed people would prefer it if I removed my shoes when going to their home, it just seems more sanitary. If I go to someone's home, I expect to follow their policies/ traditions as far as shoe removal goes. That being said, I would not force people to remove shoes if I was having a formal party with many people I didn't know well. Actually, I wouldn't even ask. This has less to do with my preferences and more with me just not wanting to have the conversation that is occurring here at a party.

If its snowy/muddy and you have to walk to the venue then you take a pair of clean shoes to change into - I'm not saying that you should trek muddy shoes through someones house.

What I AM saying is that you do NOT ask people to take off their party shoes and walk around in bare/stockinged feet just so you can be all prissy about whats on your floors - thats just rude.

Having family in Hawaii and being raised with Hawaiian philosophy and traditions on the mainland, it's been a habit for me to apply this custom of taking off your shoes before entering any home. I'm also a hula dancer and before entering our halau (hula studio), everyone automatically takes off their shoes. This custom was originated years ago in order to keep red dirt, which is prevalent in Hawaii, from entering and dirtying homes. Here on the mainland, I think it works too because you just never know what kind of dirt and bacteria you carry inside your home via your shoes!

I don't have a "Rule". it depends on the situation and the people. if it's family/ very close friends and we are just hanging out i'll say "feel free to take your shoes off if you want." they usually do as our relationship is comfortable. if the weather is truly disgusting out then I will ask nicely for people to tkae their shoes off so they don't track gunk in. they always agree. if it is a dressy affair I won't say anything. people pretty much expect to keep their shoes on for that sort of thing. my feeling is that as a host one of your jobs is to make your guest comfortable. if someone does not want to remove their shoes you can't force them. I have never been to anyone's home where i was asked to remove my shoes. (in fact there have been a few times when I have asked my host, "do you mind if i take my shoes off & relax?" i always ask ' cause i figure THEY might not want my feet exposed. you never know.) i vaccum every week & sweep during the week and then i don't worry about it. there are worse things in life to worry about.

I grew up always taking off my shoes. I'm sure I must have realized as a child that other families didn't take off their shoes, but I honestly can't remember.

Now as an adult, I ask people to take off their shoes, and I've noticed that it's an odd issues. Everyone I've asked, however, has only showed a little bit of hesitancy, and now know the routine when coming over again.

But for people who aren't friends (like people coming over because of maintenance work, plumbers and repairmen), I obviously do not ask, or even think of asking. And parties and dinner parties in my mind seem like they require shoes as well.

But it's ingrained now for me to ask my host if I should take my shoes off... I even ask if they have obviously kept theirs own. Bad habit.

What more can be added that hasn't been said in 116 posts over almost two years? Just this:

The obligation of a good host is to be hospitable. Hospitality involves making people feel at home. This forum clearly demonstrates that, for some, feeling at home entails being shoeless; for others, it entails wearing shoes. If you can't graciously accommodate BOTH those wearing shoes AND those who are shoeless, your capacity as a host may well be impaired. (And don't judge your guests' preference based on whether they complain about your restriction; well-mannered guests won't voice their discontent.)

Sure, you have every right to enforce the rules of your house. You can demand that guests not sit on your furniture. You can choose to only serve them Kool-Aid (ugh!). But any such restrictions will necessarily increase the likelihood that your guests will not feel at home...and that degrades your performance as a host.

Good hosts endeavor to anticipate and accommodate the wants and needs of their guests. If your home cannot allow that because it has fragile flooring or because your children regularly lick the carpeting or because you're allergic to ubiquitous chemicals, you should either eschew the role of host, select a restaurant venue or accept that some guests will justifiably view you as inhospitable. And if it's the latter, you need to recognize that it's YOUR failure, not that of your guests.

I've learned much from reading these posts. As with most of my fellow Californians, I only take my shoes off when I go OUTSIDE. I've felt insulted by those who have visited my home and removed their shoes, feeling that they showed inappropriate familiarity. But now I'll try to be more tolerant. I hope those on the shoeless side have gained some similar insights.

I too, am rather puzzled at the hostility and offense taken when being asked to remove shoes. I am also Asian and grew up shoeless, mainly for hygiene reasons. In the case of a a party, I do not request shoe removal and would even wear shoes myself, as to protect my own feet from the dirt. However, if a couple of friends were coming over to hang out, then it's shoes off. Most understand that living in NYC, the street and subway platforms are atrociously nasty and I would rather you not track particles into the house in which I walk my bare feet on. If I chose to wear shoes in the house, then this would not be a big deal. So it's not so much the floors as it is my own feet. I mean, would you walk in the streets barefooted? Probably not.

I think for people who are trying to give hints to new guests who've never been to your house before, my suggestion is open the door barefoot if they are the first people to arrive for the party. Otherwise, old friends know to take off the shoes and let them take shoes off at the landing. it's quite obvious that everyone is taking shoes off when there is a pile of shoes at the entrance. It'd help if you put a little stool to let them sit down while taking off shoes.

However, I really wouldn't care if someone insisted on wearing their shoes, especially when it's obviously part of her outfit or she's wearing a hard to remove and put on shoes. if the person saw the pile of shoes and chose to keep the shoes on, I wouldn't tap their shoulders and tell them.