apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

That picture makes me SO stressed out!!
I am proud to say that people always comment on how comfy my apartment feels. It is typically orderly with good natural light and fluffy sofas and chairs, clean floors and lots of cheerful artwork throughout.

Please tell me you had permission from your friend to post their personal space on the Internet to show us how unbalanced their life and home are...otherwise, I think it is just rude.

wow... i'm glad i'm not your poor friend who just got blogged about on the messiness of their house!

I find it very interesting that AT put into words what I have been thinking as a young adult for the past few years. When I started living on my own (in the middle of no where in a cabin in Indiana), I always made sure my home was spotless before I left home. This caused me to be late to work a few times...but I wanted to project to any potential visitors who made the trek to see me that: a) I was doing fine, thank you; and b) I am a bona-fide "grown-up" with a clean, welcoming home in which a visitor doesn't have to worry about the cleanliness of water glass.

At times of great stress or illness, my home has appeared equally unhealthy!

I think now, living in rural Alaska with 4 pets and a husband (and again, in a tiny cabin) that I still want the same thing: clean home, clean mind. Peaceful home, peaceful mind. I want my house to seem lived-in and inviting. Sometimes hard to achieve when I work & live with 40 sled dogs and track in multitudes of snow, mud, and fur (not my dogs, by the way. I am the lowly handler!).

While this blog entry may seem a little harsh to some, I think it's a helpful reminder. I hope this helps someone reflect on their space and make a positive change.

My house is currently screaming at me to never order furniture sight unseen again as said furniture has been waiting for a pickup for 4 weeks now and is not allowing me to finish other renos.

It is happy I discovered the magic eraser, however.

this person really needs help---a bad time in their life is just not the reason for this mess or we all would be living like this.

My home has looked like the picture above pretty much since I moved in, but with less visible floor space. I'd become somewhat inured to it, until I had a friend over last week for dinner. He tried to hide his horror at the state of my house, but totally failed. I never have people over, so it really brought home how broken the way I live is.

Ugh. It's still a huge mess, but since then, I've made progress in the direction of a clean and welcoming house every day. If I move towards it every day, I'll get there eventually.

Bookmarking this post for a kick in the pants when I need it.

My home probably says that I've just moved and have started any number of projects before getting completely settled. But anyone who stops by would find a clear place to sit, mostly cleared off coffee tables, lots of clean glasses, and iced tea in the fridge. I'd like to hope they'd be understanding of the two boxes still stacked in a corner, the art that has yet to be hung, the ironing board set up in one corner and my sewing machine sitting at one end of the dining table. It would probably be good, however, if I made more of an effort not to drop straight pins, since stepping on one of those is hardly welcoming!

I think this is staged, if not, this person needs lots of help. Everyone goes through tough times but not all of us live in this chaos, I hope someone steps up to help this person.

Please tell me your friend's home was just robbed and vandalized...

a month ago, i moved out of my parent's home that looked like that. The chaos of 7 very strong minded, lazy and troubled people living together - left the house like this since we were young kids. For years, even in my own space, I didn't look down because the chaos that was clutter trash and messiness bothered me so much. I have an aunt who is divorcing because she keeps her house 10X worse than this picture. Now, on my own there is a calmness in cleaniness. In fact, I see now that the most troubled people in my family house have dirtiest dwellings. I still have things in boxes (i have almost no furniture) but there is no more of that heart sinking depression that comes from being dirty.

Hey, all it's a flickr image, not the friend's house!

I think that this blog entry is very important. I, too, feel that there is a subconscious connection between our mental state and the state of our surroundings/home. And as person that is still reeling from losing someone close, I would be lying if I said that my apartment doesn't look like this or worse. However, if you do know someone that is living with a situation like this, the best thing to do is not to judge them by their surroundings, but try to understand or help without comment. They know what their place looks like. They aren't proud of the appearance of things. If you truely are a friend, be one.

ilkeeze, agreed. Telling someone who is depressed, or grieving, or whose life is disordered in some way that s/he has no excuse for the mess is just plain cruel. [I'm looking at you, Judgy McJudgerson poptart]

You know, for some people, an obsessively ordered and clean house is a sign that their mental health is off the rails. Just sayin'.

My sisters apartment looked much like this when she was going through depression. She ached, felt sick, exhausted, could barely make herself something to eat let alone pick up.

Everyone reacts to stress, chaos, changes ect. differently. I'd much rather walk into this, then a clean, put together apartment of someone who was really in need of some support. Instead of sweeping their problems under a rug, they have opened the door to let you see them as they are, and then in turn you can offer a hand to help pull them out of this mess.

LilyC, I was hoping it was a random flickr image. It does look a bit staged, nonetheless. I know when I get in my untidy stage, I tend to stack...not scatter. haha

I agree with what the OP was saying, as long as it wasn't some covert attempt to out a messy "friend" behind their back.

I do believe it is important for a healthy mind that the home is clear of clutter. My mom tends to hoard and doesn't see the correlation between the state of her home and her emotional state. I do. Your home needs to be a place of retreat and calm, not of chaos and stress. Sometimes a person can be overwhelmed by life in general, not just under special circumstances. Offer your friend a helping hand, but don't gab about them online. It still doesn't seem nice. Perhaps you could subtly mention clever organizing tips/websites/products.

Gee, do any of you have families and work more than full time? Because I'd sure love to have my home look 'healthy' all the time, but if I did, then my family wouldn't be. I'd rather spend my saturday afternoon at the park and my weekday evenings helping the kids with homework, playing games or reading stories. And yes, that means we often live in chaos. But better chaos than putting the kids in front of tv or computer so I can get cleaning done. According to you lot, however, we're in need of serious counselling and suffering significant mental distress. Yep. I was also told in grade school that kids with clean desks had better grades. it's just not true.

Everyone lives differently.If someone wants to look horrified at how I live, then let them. They're not living there. And what may signal distress in their life may not at all signal distress in mine. The opposite is also true: a clean home may not at all be an indicator of a healthy home. It may just be an indicator of someone who is so concerned with other people's opinions that they need to keep the house spotless in case somebody pops by (I know a few of those). Is that healthy? Hardly.

Guys, this photo is nothing! I work as a professional organiser and this is a walk in the park compared to some homes and offices I visit to physically sort out. You would be gobsmaked if I showed you some of the images I had on file! They would stress you out - make you cry even.

It's true that physical disorder is a symptom of other stuff going on. But it can also be a lack of skill: organising and efficiency isn't taught in schools! The one thing that you'll find is that once a bit of mess takes hold, most people find it incredibly hard to take charge. When people are overwhelmed, the problem for them is simply that they don't know where to start!

For some, like me, I find it really easy to create a welcoming, functional, peaceful and beautiful home (and office). Visitors can just relax (and they do)! For others, it's a life-long struggle. Particularly if they've had a major life change: a relationship breakdown, illness, death of someone close, birth of children etc.

I wrote a simple book to demystify the process -"recipes" for organising if you like! It's a best seller her in Australia and coming out in the U.S.A November 2008! Check out http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/giveaway/thursday-giveaway-sorted-by-lissanne-oliver-048950

My house isn't spotless... I have two bulldogs to thank for that... but it's clean and neat for the most part. For a long time the walls were bare, which I think said I was afraid to settle in and become attached to my home since we're military and this isn't OUR house. We've recently started to spruce up the place and make it our own but there's still the nagging reminder not to do anything too major (like paint the walls) since we know we've only got so much time left in this house.

i just moved up to a new apt. in february, and still haven't settled in. i have an over abundance of different tables, chairs, lamps that are just strewn across the livingroom like a series of small islands. i just can't make up my mind what to use where and how to put it together. it's a clear indication that i'm a very indecisive person, and have commitment issues. it's amazing how displaced furnishings can reveal that so easily.

I love this piece-the verbalization of what I have always felt about where ever I have lived-I always tend to think of a Hemingway story-"A Clean, Well-Lighted Place", because that kind of summed it up;

i happen to like cleaning a lot if you ask my family or my boyfriend, i face cleaning challenges with excitement. It makes me feel happy to see a clean place but i realized that stressing about having a organized and clean home isn't worth it if it just causes you to feel overwhelmed because there are a million other things to do.

while i do make sure to clean the washrooms and the kitchen regularly, the general state of papers and junk in any room really depends on my priority that week. when i was in school if it was exams or project time, forget it, there is going to be no cleaning or picking up of clothes. and when working if there were clients or projects that are just a big pain, there's no way i can make sure my home is organized. if i'm not having a busy week, it is spotless though :)

and I hate people who drop by UNEXPECTEDLY. it is such a pet peeve. what makes anyone think that they are welcome in my home anytime they show up on my doorstep and with drinks ready to serve? lol sorry but i'm one of those, lets just meet at the coffee shop types.

There is a difference between and clean and healthy house, a sick and disordered house, a creatively cluttered/active house, and an overly clean unhealthy house. All are symptomatic of different aspects of the individuals mental state.

As long as I feel safe to eat off the plates and as if I won't be scolded for wrinkling the sofa cushions I think a happy medium has been achieved.

My husband and I have been friends with a couple for more than 10 years and we have NEVER been invited to their apartment. They feel that the state of their place is too cluttered and that there is no place to sit. They always come over to our house or we meet up. We've been on two international trips with this couple and feel we are good friends so this seems odd.

We're not asking to have dinner made for us, just a quick stop and then off to a restaurant nearby. We asked a few times about coming over, then gave up. We showed them our cluttered garage. They've been to our house(s) through two top to bottom renovations and the accompanying mess. So, they've seen our clutter. Recently we asked them more pointedly and they ignored our request completely.

I'm sure to some of you this might seem rude and pushy. But I think there is something unhealthy going on in their home and as friends we are concerned.

I'd hope people would think that I do a good job with two people living in a tiny Tokyo apartment. I generally keep things quite neat, but all it takes is one small lapse to turn a "room" into chaos because there is absolutely no way to keep things looking tidy when there is so little space.

That being said, I'm extremely organized, and I believe that is reflected in how things appear regardless of momentary lapses in order.

Actually I find the cleanliness of a person's car has a direct correlation with that person's house. When I sit in somone's car, i have a pretty good idea how clean their house is without ever being there. Of course this works much better for single since for a couple, the other person may be doing more of the cleaning.

My parents stay with us 4 months every year. Whenever they're here they comandeer the entire house. They make the environment totally unliveable. Every horizontal surface is cluttered up. Kitchen is a total mess, the dining room and living room is unrecognizable. When they leave I have to take a day off just to clean the commercial oven and exhaust

i think some of you are being a little harsh.

not all hard times are anything to sniff at. my apartment gets into quite a mess, because i've been knee deep in depression since my mother killed herself a year ago, and my good friend the year before that, not to mention a national scandal involving the FBI.

so before you judge anyone, have a little damn compassion.

I that room needs more horizontal surfaces. Besides the floor.

souk1501, totally not true in my case. My house is almost always well put-together; however, my car is littered with random antique/vintage finds (all placed sporatically because I never take a bag, but always forget to bring a canvas one), random books, pieces of clothing, and goodness knows what else. I completely live out of my car. Well, in the figurative sense. My hatchback area is always full to the brim with furniture or water bottles or extra clothing (just in case).

If placed in a line-up, you'd never think the car and home had the same owner.

I'm not meticulous about my home, I like it to look like a family lives in it rather than visiting a showroom. That doesn't mean it can't have the appeal of a showroom, though.

I am guilty of shoving items in closets (and even the oven) when unexpected guests arrive to an unkept home. Yes, guests who call on you without notice is a huge pet peeve. I'm super territorial about my space. I need it to be presentable before allowing visitors.

the visual is only of an office. a lot of these reactions sound like you haven't followed an AT Cure...

That's a disaster, but at least it's not globbed with filth..

I have a few friends with homes so nasty I cannot actually sit down, and am weirdly conscious of the soles of my shoes, my poor, sticky, hair-covered shoes.

I just have to say this.
No matter what condition you're in, at least try to clean up.

A organized and clean looking home does wonders.
No need to be spotless and OCD.

This picture is nothing...I know two people who keep their apartments like a landfill. One of them had the nerve to have a restaurant. If people who knew her had seen her house....This is why I rarely eat out anymore.

The other household has the nerve to have papers, books, clothes, 5 grown people a 5 year old, and two pets. I once went in the house to ask friend for a book. There was the same cat litter in box from 3 weeks earlier. Mind you, they take showers daily, never smell always neat in appearance. You would never know unless you went in their apartment.

Did I mention that they now have a dog?

I haven't been to there home in a year. This year when we had a barbecue, they asked what could they bring. I said "bottled soda".

I wouldn't even send the people from the show "Clean House" to fix them up.

indiasoup, I am so sorry to hear about what you've had to deal with the past few years. That sounds incredibly tough.

To echo Lissanne, I'm also a professional organizer, and see many rooms significantly more cluttered and disorganized than this. And you know, there's always a reason, which most of my clients choose the share with me. Depression is a common reason - as are a whole range of other medical issues, and family crises, and major life changes. Other people, as Lissanne mentioned, just never learned basic organizing principles.

wc_canuck, I agree that spending time with your kids is more important that keeping a spotless house. There's some minimum standard of order that's useful - so important papers don't get misplaced, so the house is kept safe of tripping hazards, etc. But I am a firm believer in "good enough" - whatever that means in your situation.

Whoa.... Who let you in my house?!

@aringpingpong: Please take it from someone who has been in clinical depression for over 14 years, some days are beyond "trying" anything. My apartment is in chaos; I don't dare post it here. I make inroads as I am able. I do not live this way by CHOICE, just as my chemical imbalance was not a choice.

Had a friend in depression; a good day for her was not pulling the knife from under the bed pillow and using it.

Please try not to knock what you haven't personally experienced.

As a professional cleaner I see these situations more than I thought I would. They call me when even they can't handle it anymore and it starts to become a health concern..or they just can't see the floor anymore. Clutter is one thing...filth is another. I've had to clean marble sinks with a brillo pad because the dirt had petrified into solid stone. I've had rooms where I couldn't even get past the doorway because of all the stuff on the floor. There is ancient dog poop hiding under unpaid bills and months worth of laundry mixed in with pots and pans. Some are embarrassed and apologize profusely....others tell me it's not bad and should only take me an hour or two to clean (!!). Some people claim they just have better things to do, some blame it on their kids (seeing unbathed children still in their pajamas at 3 in the afternoon tells me the problem extends well past the home itself), but at least they are making some attempt at organizing by calling me...but I spend four hours cleaning one room and never hear from them again. I think sometimes it has to do with depression, but I honestly think that many people just do not realize how they are living...they don't see the dirt and the clutter anymore or it makes them feel at home somehow to have objects piled up around them.

If my home isn't clean and organized I start feeling really depressed..it affects my mental state..I'm not a naturally neat person...I do have to make an effort at it...but I really am much happier in a clean, uncluttered home and I think that is the main reason why I got into the cleaning business! I don't turn anyone down because their house is 'too dirty' like the bigger franchises will....everyone deserves a clean house.

I have a good friend who has only recently pulled himself out of living in the above apartment. When we first met, we all called his apartment "The Shed" because that is exactly what it felt like: a shed with a kitchenette and toilet. It was not a home, it was a hovel. The apartment itself was hopeless, but also he is a bit of a slob, and so it was doubly terrible. He lived there for 2 years (!), despite the fact that he had PLENTY of money to upgrade. He eventually did upgrade to a small but pleasant studio loft apartment. This was a big improvement, but most of the time it looked like a tornado had gone through. He is such a dear man, and it always made me sad that he didn't have a proper home.

So you can imagine my surprise and delight when I recently visited him in his new home (in a land far far away) and found that his modest one-bedroom condo is actually quite cozy. It isn't decorator chic, by any means, but it is reasonably clean. There are chairs and appropriately placed coffee tables. The bed has two night stands, the windows have curtains and the bathroom has clean towels. The best part of all was seeing him be just the littlest bit, barely perceptibly, house-proud.

some of you might be interested in the book "snoop: what your stuff says about you" by Sam Gosling. It's a nonfiction book, a la Blink, etc (Gosling's research was in Blink as well) that came out recently.

http://www.amazon.com/Snoop-What-Your-Stuff-About/dp/0465027814/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221543645&sr=8-1

it's a fun read, but especially the last chapter has to do with your home and how you feel, behave, and so on inside it. gosling has a sense of humor as well.

another one is a classic in environmental psychology: 'house as a mirror of self' by clare cooper marcus. great insights into psychology and home.

http://www.amazon.com/House-As-Mirror-Self-Exploring/dp/0892541245/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221543758&sr=1-1

"make peace with their new circumstances"....what exactly are those circumstances? Just curious. Reading all these posts, I would say this: I've been in homes that were perfectly neat and smelled like cat pee, homes that are cluttered and full of warmth, love, and good food. Not to make excuses for the mess but I know some brilliantly talented people who thrive in chaos and some neatniks who are so anal you can hear their butts slam shut and all they contribute to society is regimentation. And why would you stop by unexpectedly anyway?

OK, so this photo is pretty bad, and this being a design site I can see a reason for such a photo, but you being a friend of this person - supposedly - I would think a better way to present the issue of one's home representing one's state of mind/being would have been to just show the photo and not say where it came from or that you were a friend. Maybe you could be a compassionate friend and just help them out a bit. I'm just saying....

I have a friend who's THAT messy and another friend who is so incredibly tidy that her precisely matching towels are folded like Martha Stewart's in the undersink cabinets and she probably irons her underwear.

I've cleaned for my messy friend (as a "earn my keep" thing when staying with her - her house isn't DIRTY - the sink and kitchen surfaces aren't germy, the shower is clean) just messy, books, papers, water bottles, tupperware in a box, her son's toys, etc. She appreciated it but things were soon back to "normal". There are people who just can't keep up with clutter who are not depressed or having a personal crisis. Some people just don't want to clean and aren't bothered by a big mess, end of story.

I'm pretty neat - but don't look in the closets or the laundry room, please.

Hmm, while this picture is excessive, I wouldn't go so far as to equate a messy house with a unhealthy life. To me, my house is my personal space and how I choose to live there is up to me (and in my case, that is often in some form of messiness). I don't live in my house just so others can be happy here, that's a bonus.

Outside of that, there is always a clean glass or cup for a visitor and there will be a place to sit, even if it means I have to pile some stuff somewhere else to create said place.

The first thing my graduate advisor told me when I arrived in her lab:

"Clean desk, messy mind."

She was one of those brilliant people who really sucked at organizing her papers, but they're filed very neatly and extensively cross referenced in her brain. Sometimes keeping a neat office just wasn't a priority until a paper has been submitted and a grant has been applied. Then it starts all over again. Would a neater office make her more successful at what she does? I highly doubt it.

If the inhabitants of the house is totally fine with it and it's not a public health issue, then it's not your problem. Maybe you shouldn't go to their house if it makes you uncomfortable.

This picture says 'lazy' to me. There is a big difference between leaving used tissues and other dirt on the floor and a working mess. No one would want to make guests feel unwelcome because they are excessively tidy this is the reverse of that.

There is no need for chaos in a house - you should not feel you have to spend time away from your children to do cleaning - the children (no matter how young) should be cleaning up after themselves - if everyone does it together its quicker and is still time spent together - you should be teaching your children how to take care of their surroundings for themselves, not teaching them that its either the Mum who does it or it doesn't get done

Boxes in the corner that you haven't unpacked yet, ironing board up where you have been using it - these are not signs of chaos - they are signs of life and are fine - its not about making your house look like a photo out of a magazine - its about keeping it clean, first and foremost - and then organised to best suit your lifestyle

There is a huge difference between a house thats lived-in and one where there is clearly a problem happening - but some people are just filthy slobs and are happy living in dirt - I have friends who are well-off young professionals with no worries whatsoever who are renovating their home - each room gets a beautiful makeover and then they live in it and don't seem to realise that you have to clean it and it just gets filthier and filthier - last time I was there I had to clean the bathroom sink before I could use it!

I can never understand how someone can let something fall to the floor and not pick it up - and then just step over it or walk around it - that is really the sign of someone with problems

My father is a lifelong hoarder. This is tough. However, with a couple of exceptions, he knows where every thing - and I do mean EVERYTHING is. My mother works hard, volunteers for charity, and is a tremendously happy person, and her place gets cluttered. I find i tend to get anxious if my living room is messy, but if the bedroom's a dump I just don't care.

My grandmother - mom's mom - is obsessively clean, neat, and the pettiest, meanest person I've ever met. Thanks, I'll take the mess and the love.

i'm a mess now and i was mess then. i was the little kid who took longer to clean up her desk because it was such a jumble. i could never understand the kids who had there little stuff piled neatly in their desks. same was true of my bookbags and lockers. i just crammed the next thing in on top of the rest.

at work, i am ridiculously efficient.

It's funny, I've been taking an interest in learning more about finances and I was surprised to learn that cleanliness is important to financial growth. From Suze Orman (love her show!):

"Removing clutter and chaos from our lives brings clarity, which makes it easier to achieve what we want. From emptying closets of unused stuff to streamlining your wallet, cleanliness is a sign that you're in control."

"When you can't respect what money can buy, you can't respect money—period."

I'm not sure that being an OCD germophobe will bring me a windfall, but I do find that when things get cluttery, I get crabby.

My house is always evolving, but throughout the evolution it remains tidy and welcoming. That being said, with the cats, you're going to find the occasional dust bunny or two. I guess I'd grade my house "welcoming, tidy, clean, but with a little bit of dust here and there."

I do not think this is about being depressed --- if one is depressed I feel we all understand that situation and would overlook a messy house. This is about people who would rather run out the door then clean (even a bit). It is about people who never learned how to be neet and clean up after themselves (mother did it or did not do it, and set the bad example). I have friends who live like this and are very happy and in good health and have lots of money and even have house cleaners and still their homes look like this. No one says you have to be a Martha Stewart all the time---just put some effort into it.
There is a difference between comfy and cozy and down right dirty! Old food and cans of soda and dirty underware and the like just does not cut it. So clean up your act or AT well be showing up at your house soon to take photo's. :-)

I don't really have a problem with cluttered spaces. Actually, I'm more comfortable in a place that has a clutter and random crap all over the place than in a room that is always sparking clean. I think the way you keep your home does say something about you, but not necessarily about your mental state or any chaos in your life (though, those could be influences).

Some people are just naturally more clean than others. What I consider somewhat clean and picked up, my friend considers kinda messy (she always manages to find the one thing I didn't get a chance to clean and points it out to me...). I also have another friend who cleans whenever she's stressed, angry, ect. so I know that if I go over to her place and it's sparkling clean that she most likely is not very happy.

I don't think that someone can really be judged solely by the cleanliness/clutter/dirtiness of their home. Granted, if you know the well person and they normally keep a pretty clean place and you go over and it's a disaster area... then something is probably up.

What's with the dropping by? Dropping by is terribly rude unless you are certain the person doesn't mind. If you showed up at my house uninvited, you would not, generally, be asked in and should definitely not expect a warm welcome. You're interrupting my plans for the day. How hard is it to give a call when you are a block away and say "We're a block away, we'd love to see you and thought we'd see if you'd like to go out for coffee." Why would I have a clean glass for you if I wasn't expecting you?

As for the mess, much of the judging going on here indicates a lack of tolerance and empathy. Don't worry, the rest of us won't judge you so harshly when you fall short of our norms.

I had a roommate, once, who only allowed himself to be "himself" once I moved out. I saw pictures of what was once a beautiful apartment, looking very much like this..but worse. His life has never been in order, so it made sense.

As out of order as my life gets, it's just never this bad. Right now: five weeks to our wedding (wedding-related stuff everywhere); my design business in my 550 s/f apartment; and it's canning season(!) - our place is what I consider a mess most of the time...but never like this.

I agree, completely, that a home reflects the state of mind and spirit of the dwellers. At the same time, some folks are just horrible housekeepers. Put those two together, and you have complete chaos and ne'er a place to sit, let alone a clean glass.

On the other hand, I know plenty of folks who are obsessive in their cleaning and the first thing out of their mouths when I visit: "I'm sorry about the mess, I just haven't had time to clean". I can't imagine what they think when they visit us! OCD about cleaning isn't necessarily healthy either.

I worked for a very brief time at a creative company. The boss was a woman about 35, dressed in designer duds. A bit of a nervous nelly, but OK, I can deal with that. But she was an absolute freak about everything being perfect. Even ripped the computer cable out of my hands when I was trying to rearrange it so I wouldn't trip over it as I entered my office. She was such a micro manager it was insane. "So, when you pick up the phone...ok, no, I need you to pick up the phone...and say "Hello". No, not like that. Hold the phone like this..." So, anyway, one day I get roped into taking her dog to her house. Umm, yeah. So I get to the little cottage apartment and see a pile of designer shoes 2 feet high piled in front of the door. But there was no pathway kicked through...she just walked on top of them in and out of her apartment. Inside, it looked like it had been turned upside down, shaken and dropped. Not one inch of space was uncluttered. Crap was piled everywhere. - floor, kitchen, bathroom - yeah, I looked so sue me. Of course, no water in the bowl for the dog. From seeing her apartment , working for her and performing a quick unprofessional psych evaluation based on years of entertainment experience, I realized she had more severe issues and quit shortly afterward.However, I am still tempted to break in and clean the place up.

haha. my home says, "this chic is totally indecisive!" which is spot on. my decor is random and un pulled together. i never made this conection until now!

I'm so lucky as a have a small spare room where I can store things when not in use, put clutter until I decide what to do with it. I try to always have the living room, kitchen and bathroom ready for guests.

I would hope the poster offered to help. Some people have no space, no time and lots of responsibilities. They need help -- maybe not psychological help, though with enough stress we all will -- but someone who will spend some time without judgement.

I envy people with a garage or an extra little room. I have no more stuff than most people, but nowhere to hide it and I imagine there are others. Some people with neat places have the advantage of time, money, space or simply devote their time to themselves. Nothing wrong with that. Just not everyone can do it. They can use our help.

Disagree with the person who said, "messy car, messy house" or some such.
My house is very tiny and it is imperative that things are put back in their place or it gets messy very fast. I feel good when it is kept neat.

However, my car is a total mess.

I think the story could have been done without referencing a friend. If you are able to find a photo representative of the situation, then you should be able to write a more appropriate setup.

Look at the photo credit: it is from someone's Flickr account and not likely the friend with the messy home.

It is part lazy. It is part depression. It is mostly poor time management. I confess my apartment can look pretty sick at times. It only gets worse because of the time it takes to clean it up, that stares at you when you come home and it's too dark and you're tired, and mocks you when you wake to get ready and can't find anything and walk anywhere without stepping over things and being careful not to trip. It is sooo hard to get yourself organized at this stage that it contributes to depression.

A whole weekend ahead of you to attack the situation! And put it off and put it off. I am a bit like that boss mentioned just a few posts above with the messy house. I put clean and nice clothes as a priority. I may be a bit wrinkled. My office is usually clean and I get very stressed out when the paper mounts out of control, and I've always had "neat" habits at work, and to present myself in public.

I understand that when you have a certain level of organization, it's not really difficult to get back to good to go. It's when you fall so far, and that's easier to do at home (in my experience), that it becomes a giant chore you just can't bring yourself to do, "once and for all," and resolve to develop neater habits. I have heard of people who love to attack cleaning problems as a way to lift their mood, so I'm not sure of it as a sign of depression - people can seek comfort in eating, drinking, watching too much tv, listening to music, or productivity, imagine that. Throwing yourself into work of some kind to run away from your real problems is on the list, so you can be depressed with a clean home.

It's a slob begets slob and neat begets neat kind of problem. The neater a place is, the easier it is to pick that one messy thing to restore order. I could get one thing done today which will show nothing, so I try to do 17 (randomly chosen high number) things to make a dent and still have a ways to go.

I also agree with the person who said the kids should help always. I don't have kids, but I was one. Your job is to make competent adults. You teach them to walk and talk and read as early as possible, even though they stumble at it. I don't really believe the "preservation" of childhood serves them if you're waiting for them to be old enough to clean their room. If you're not put in the habit while very small, it becomes more of a punishment and that's how it feels when you're grown - a lot more work to retrain your thoughts that this is a natural movement of the day and a good way to be. I am comparing it to language, which may be overstating, but to get the pieces of the puzzle in the brain by a certain stage of development could make a difference in just grasping the concept.

Seriously people, take a glass of wine or tea and chill a bit.

This is the problem, the pace of modern life is so fast, even finding time to relax and be at peace with oneself and one's environment it's all some big Greek tragedy.

That photograph is NOT so terrible. There's enough storage space to get everything organized in a matter of two hours, tops! And what's two hours if the goal is a very clean and neat office? Nothing.

I think the idea of this post was very good - and the friend example, as harsh as it might be, it is very accurate, sometimes even the most organized and tidy go through hard times and life becomes, in all of its stages, a mess. And it's good to look around and verify how in peace our inner selves and our rooms are.

i can say from personal experience that a home is a reflection of what is going on in a person's life. the past two years i experienced major stress, depression and change in life.
for one, i barely had any furniture. I didn't have much expendable income, and really wasn't taking care of myself. work was taking what energy i had left, so i didn't clean often enough. when i got a new apartment and new roommate who i wasn't jivin too well with, i became an obessive freak about cleaning and it annoyed everyone. i think it was an attempt to be in control of something in my life at home.

now i have my own apartment. it is not the nicest, but myself and my boyfriend have put a lot of work into it - from shampooing carpets, painting and buying stuff, to making wallhangings and refinishing furniture. i have my depression under control, my career is where i need it to be and i feel in control at home. i garage sale and thrift shop a lot and buy furniture in my price range - usually vintage pieces that need to fix or refinished. for the first time in years i feel great coming home and really love to work on things to add my personality to the place. each new thing i add makes it more of a home.

cleaning and organizing followed suit... i don't overclean but i do clean up messes daily and do everything else at least weekly. that way when i am in my home i can find peace and concentrate on other things, like art projects and having friends over.

i wish someone would've seen my apartments in the above state or when i was obsessively cleaning and gently stepped in and offered help. maybe if they helped me organize or clean they would've figured out that i was in a depression and needed help.

i have found with other people that sometimes that it just signifies that they don't have the skills - we are all not given a full skill set for life. so maybe offering to help in those situations could be appreciated.

My mother used to clean house for a 93 year old elderly lady once a week. The lady tidied up her home every night before bed. Mom said that the cleaning was her job and the lady didn't need to tidy up. The lady's response was "Well, if I pass away in my sleep I don't want the people to see my home and think I was a messy person". I try to put away things when done using them, put clothes away and keep the house vac'd and dusted daily. It stops chores from becoming overwhelming(especially ironing and laundry).

I used to not dwell on how my home was organized but something I saw in a news program changed my whole perspective. It was a while back, a crew was filming in a 'Yugoslavian' refugee camp during the tumultuous times in the Balkans. Most of the refugees were outside the camp working in temporary jobs that they could find in the area. The crew was entering tents at random and I distinctly remember one tent which was stacked with bunk beds and had one stove in the middle. Whoever was living there had put embroidered bed covers on the beds and had neatly made them up, there was also a kettle with boiling water on the stove. It felt so warm and peaceful. I thought, if they find the will, the energy and the time to keep their dwelling this way in those dire circumstances, I will do the same. When I let go, I always remember that image.

I don't know whether it's worse to have your life (theoretically anyway) in such a mess that you live in domestic chaos, or to be so judgemental of others that you sound like the Neat Freak Stasi.

This is no different than those vain nitwits who see a person carrying a few extra pounds, and immediately assume they're a mess and they comfort eat - it's just silly little humans trying to feel superior to each other.

And yeah, I'm probably doing it too, but what the heck - I just felt like joining in the peckin' party!

Gee KTG, parenting advice from someone who's never been one. How unbelievably presumptuous. I wouldn't think to advise someone about how they do their work in a field i'm not familiar with, even if I've been a client in that field, but somehow, that goes out the window when children are mentioned. Come back when you've got kids and we'll talk.

Again, I'll reiterate that one person's chaos is another person's comfortable. A lot of people on here sound more than a little obsessive. If you want your home to be spotless, that's great, but don't presume to tell others that they are 'mental cases' when their homes don't match up to what you need. That's narcissism, pure and simple.

My kids are 3 and 7. One spends all day in school, followed by a couple of hours of afterschool care. Then we eat together, read together and spend quality time together. Yes, we'll spend some time tidying up, but I also want to have plain old down time with them. You figure out how that all fits in between 5:30 and 8 pm. And yes, come back and talk to me when you've got kids so I can be just as judgemental as you.

Parents, please. It's just an observation of someone else's kids and perhaps why they may grow up so helpless! Adults just don't come from children, not at all. You're perfect, keep on keepin' on.

In our experience as (working) parents (who don't hire any help except preschool), you pretty much stay as neat as you always were, with a little slippage here and there. We were neat before we were parents and we're neat now. Our son puts his toys away when he's done playing because that's just how we roll around here. He started doing it when he was about six months old because that's what we've always done.

We have friends with kids who are the same way, and we have friends with kids whose houses always look like the picture above. They say the place is messy because they're spending time with the kids, but the truth is they were messy before and they're messy now (but with a socially acceptable excuse). We knew them before kids and we knew them after: They are who are they are. There's nothing wrong with living the way you want to live, but the statement that it's the kids, directly or indirectly, who bear responsibility for the mess seems unfair in all the circumstances we've seen. I wince inside when they say it in front of their kids.

No doubt there are people in the world who can swear on a stack of Bibles that their homes were immaculate before kids and only messy afterwards, but I can't speak to that because I've never met any of them.

Sorry, I just can't get past the point that you would refer to this person as a friend, acknowledge that this person is "someone who was in the midst of an unsettling time," and think the solution is to post a picture of their private space on a blog.

Yikes! A lot of people on here are quite judgemental! I certainly hope nothing in your life ever goes wrong. I'd hate to think of what you'd do to yourself if you're so harsh on people you don't even know! The photo is nothing but a moment in time. Who knows what's going on in the photo. Don't judge until you know all the information.

If you're talking about a hoarding situation then you need to know that mental illness has a firm hold of whomever it is. Depression is a horrid cycle I hope none of you judgemental people ever get. Or maybe you'll be lucky enough to be bi-polar and then you too can spend the night cleaning your bathroom with a toothbrush. Over and over. But we can't choose our mental illness. If you think that the person who hoards or is incredibly messy doesn't know and isn't ashamed then you really need to get a life. It's not a matter of getting up and doing it. It's a matter of being able to get up and do it. How that happens is a long, painful journey and I for one am happy my friends and I are much less judgemental. Try to love your friends, offer support and (crazy I know) maybe a helping hand? You never know if a little bit of help is all they need. Without the judgement and snotty comments of course.

I just read more then half of the comments listed....yea I am at work and wasting time, however, no one should be this interested in cleaning!

I am definably the OCD type.

Just to give you an example, when a guest comes over and leans on the wall or touches it with their hands it irritates the hell out of me! Hey! it leaves marks! (I never say anything)

When guests don't even ATTEMPT to refold the towels after using them. (I never say anything)

We are expecting 25 people this weekend, 10 are staying over night. I am looking forward to it.

When a faucet isn't shiny, it bothers me. (I immediately shine all 3 bathrooms).

Oh as far as the car goes...it is a total embarrassment to me. I am a smoker so it smells horrible. (I would never smoke or allow someone else to smoke in my house).

I know I inherited this trait from my mother. We never got along and I thought her constant cleaning was totally unhealthy.

It was a big surprise to me that I truly enjoy cleaning my house and having it museum clean.

Oh and lastly, you unannounced guests - drop by my house. I like surprise visitors! Just don't expect too much in the food department...

what about this:: http://www.houston-imports.com/dirty/dirty.html

I like what ThinkerBelle said. Truly. Probably was the most thoughtful and accurate comment.

And then I looked at the link provided by Judochop and thought I am so grateful to be rather neat, but not anal about it, and creative but not sloppy. I like having unfinished projects and something to play with and work on and I'm confident that if I die in my sleep, the only thing I'd have to worry about the neighbors judging would be some unmentionables and then its no ones' business anyway. And if you are invited to my place, the food will be great, the house will be clean and comfy, and you'll have a nice time.....or so I've been told.

And the photos on the link from Judochop, well, the entire apartment should have been airlifted to the Museum of Modern Art as an installation and a statement on culture because like it or not, some people live this way. They probably aren't signed up with AT. And that's their choice. But she had an ironing board with the iron set up and that was a fairly tidy spot! LOL

And yeah, people are far too judgmental. How do we ever know someone else's circumstances? We don't. Never will. And they'll never know ours. That's why we have doors and don't live in communes anymore. I think its called privacy.

Maybe we should stick to discussing furniture and wall decor. That's so much more fun.