apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Hey guys! thanks for showing my little house again! and wouldn't you know i have both good and bad neighbors, one each on either side of me -- the good are friendly and kind, they offer fruit from their garden and tell me that they watch the house for me when i'm out. the bad are crackheads who play music all night long, spray scary graffiti on their walls and scream at me if I ask them nicely to turn the music down. i have found that a simple nod of the head is the best acknowledgment of the bad neighbors and a home baked pie is a good way to let my good neighbors feel appreciated. Lots of greenery on the bad neighbor side to keep them out of sight and bring down the noise. And because i too can be rather loud when i have parties, a pre-party check in with the good neighbors to let them know i've got people coming over and if there's any problems they should not hesitate to call me. It's a bummer to have ugly mean neighbors but being a new yorker, i'm willing to accept it. the price of city living!

When Hurricane Ike hit, I let my neighbors use my generator to keep their fridges going. We all took turns over a two week period. To say thank you, they got me a 350 dollar gift card to a local high end grocery store, it was really nice of them!

-invite your neighbors to your parties. If they're having fun they can't complain about the noise.

-wear slippers instead of shoes in the house. The noise from our upstairs neighbor is INCREDIBLY loud - and its all because she wears hard soled shoes a lot. (yes, Stacey, I'm talking about YOU)

-If you live in a 2/3 apartment building invite all of the guests over for drinks once in a while. The more your neighbors know you as people the less likely they will be to go batshit crazy on your ass and set your laundry on fire.

Good tips, but...
Stop advising people to put other people's laundry in the dryer and/or folding it. I don't want other people touching my laundry. I don't leave my laundry sitting in the washer or dryer, but if for some reason I left it unattended, I'd rather they just pulled out my laundry and put it on top of a machine. Or the floor, even...I'm going to wash it again anyway. And I have clothes that can't be dried. This is one of those cases where you'd rather someone wasn't so nice. And then you shape up for next time.

Read these comments for agreement:
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/la/cleaning/on-shared-laundry-etiquette-067983

sorry, but if you're my neighbor and you fold my clothes, i will bite your nose off the next time i see you. just fyi.

Agreed on the laundry - don't put my stuff in the dryer. If you shrink my favorite shirt, I'll be upset. And that's the nice way of putting it.

Folding someone else's laundry: creepy.

I would add that the sooner you address something, the better. The longer it goes on, the less receptive someone is to changing their behavior. A few months ago new neighbors moved into the apartment above mine. I could immediately hear their television, even after midnight. Not just that it was on, but actually what they were watching, down to which Friends' episode. I gave it a few days thinking they just had it on loud while they were moving and settling in.

But one evening the following week, I heard it again and figured it was now or never. So I went upstairs and kindly introduced myself to them as their downstairs neighbor and said "I am sure you aren't aware of this, but with the wood floors, the sound from your television travels down into my apartment. If it is possible, can you turn it down by 10:30 or 11pm (it helps that the building has a noise curfew)?" Come to find out they hadn't yet bought a tv stand and it was sitting on the wood floor. They were super apologetic about it.

If you have something very large that you need to dispose of, like a box spring, do not haul it out next to the communal dumpster and think that the garbage guys are going to haul it away for you. They will not. You need to haul it to the dump yourself or arrange for special pickup* (which incurs a fee above and beyond the regular garbage fee). If you don't make the proper arrangements, your crap sits out by the dumpster indefinitely and everyone else has to look at it every day.

* This is how it works in my area, anyway.

I agree with Sara MC. Try to address problems politely before you're so furious that the conversation becomes heated.

Also, I think it helps to give specific examples of what the problem is. I once lived above someone who said we were too noisy, but when I asked for examples (so I could try to fix them) and also suggested that perhaps he could call me when I was bothering him, he refused. He said he "didn't want to have that kind of passive aggressive relationship" with me. I guess he thought it was better to be pissed off all the time. I never did find out what his complaints were.

One thing that really bugs me in LA is that most apartments seem to have crappy insulation and windows, so that noise becomes a big problem. I think that if these places were built better (or updated to account for more noise) neighbors would be happier.

I had a heart attack when I read:
"If someone's laundry is in the washer and it's finished, switch it to the dryer and spring for a cycle."

I don't dry anything other than towels. If someone threw my clothes in the dryer, well, I'd be out of a huge chunk of wardrobe. Us freakishly tall folks can't afford to lose any length in our clothes.

ya! the laundry thing is weird! just take it out for them but don't do anything crazy like drying or folding!!

Add another jaw-drop to the laundry suggestion. I'd probably be furious/humiliated to know that somebody had touched, and *folded* my unmentionables!!

Maybe I have totally irrational fears of strangers touching my things, but this is the very reason I won't use our apartment's laundry room, and instead opt to do our laundry at my in-laws. And even then, the one or two times that we've left a load in the washer, and my mother-in-law goes ahead and finishes it and I come back to find my thongs folded in a nice pile....that freaks me out.

I'm with everyone on having others touch my laundry. Ew. The one time it happened I did what Myshkin says and washed it again. But I also have clothes that cannot be dried- all of my work clothes. If they were dried in the drier I'd be out pretty much my entire wardrobe- a major catastrophe. If someone's clothes are in the unit you want to use, wait five minutes, chances are they're on the way. If not, you can knock on doors. They might have forgotten. (probably won't work in a huge building).

People should also be considerate of parking. I can't tell you how many times I've come home from a long day at work (at 8:30pm) to find that one of my neighbors is having a party and the entire lot is full. It's not really something I want to deal with after working all day. If you are having a party have your guests use the guest parking and not the spaces for the tenants.

Aw heck! Can't ya just burn 'em out!

Right on, Babbling! I'm tall too and need every millimeter on my shirts just to make the arms reach my wrists - dryers only get used for sheets and towels in this house.

Members of the Greatest Generation make for supremely cool and kind hearted neighbors. Mine are exceptional and I couldn't be more fortunate to share fences with such good folks.

Put someone's laundry in the drier, sure. Start it? NEVER!

I would be livid if someone did this, ruining my delicates or skrinkables. That is a definite no-no!

The laundry suggestion, not good at all.

Can you imagine if someone folded your clothes for you? Who thinks that's OK? I would be checking the sexual predator registry for my neighborhood.

I'm another person with great neighbours on one side and terrible neighbours on the other. Unfortunately, I also have at least two more lots of terrible neighbours in the apartments above me. Every weekend I find cigarette butts and bottle caps in my front terrace, not to mention the time someone vomited from the top storey all over one of my poor little plants! Someone has also decided that cleaning their balconies with bleach is much easier if they just sweep it all off the side, again onto my plants and my furniture. And don't even start me on the guys next door. Let's just say loud music and ridiculous bass at the most bizarre hours is only the tip of the iceberg.
I'm tempted to start writing passive aggressive notes and leaving them in letterboxes, but for now I'll just stick with complaining to the building manager.

Call me paranoid (I know you're talking about me anyway!) but folding my clothes? Would creep me out. In a big way.

All the neighbors I have, I have to say, are pretty quiet now. People might say hey, but for the most part, don't stop for conversation. I have one neighbor I talk to when I see him, but I forgot his name. We met over someone's smoke alarm going off while no one was home. There are two women downstairs who seem to walk their dogs together and hang out in the lobby, and they say hi whenever I see either one of them. It's overall, and I prefer it, an "unfriendly" sort of building. Nobody is waiting for anyone to get home so they have someone to talk to (has happened to me before!) and at most, get a hey or some look of acknowledgment when you see another neighbor. Nobody is mean about it, it's just a very comfortable distance.

The few people who "bother" me are just not that bad. The really obnoxious ones on the first floor left a while ago, with all the garbage and stuff they blocked up the sidewalks, pointing cameras at the mailbox because they lost their keys, etc. Since I'm here, I have had 4 different upstairs neighbors, and I always worry how awful it could be. The 2nd ones were the worst but stayed only 6 months, but nothing outrageous. I've outlasted 3 next door neighbors on one side, and they have all been quiet young couples, or at least aren't noisy in the room where we share a wall. Neighbor on the other side is the guy I don't remember his name, and I think he's out of town a lot and doesn't seem to have a great social life. Not that I'm snooping, you just tend to notice no people ever come over, and he told me he traveled for business when I talked to him the first time.

As for this crazy laundry room advice, stop it. It's really super nice if you and your neighbor already know this about each other and worked out a system, but each person's laundry is their own personal business. If they ask could you please put it in the dryer if they're late coming back, that's just not planning things out. They should be back. Hey, get a watch neighbor. But you could do that if you want to, if they asked. People who think they're being extra nice by presuming to put things in the dryer are not minding their own business. I don't know where you get that as being courteous. You're fouling things up is what you're doing, so stop it.

I just moved into a new place and the neighbors upstairs walk around with hard-soled shoes on ALL THE TIME. I went up last week and asked nicely if they could try not to wear shoes in the house, and they said Sure! No problem! But even that night they didn't take them off but continued to clomp around in hard shoes the rest of the night. And now they wear them every second they are home, from 6:30AM to 11PM, I guess to make a point. WTF?

I want to have a good relationship with these new neighbors but I kind of hate them. And the noise is killing me. How do I handle this?

My best advice: give yourself time BEFORE reacting. When I lived in a 2-story house, the woman downstairs was expecting. Anytime we made noise upstairs, her husband went straight into confrontation mode. Needless to say, it created a lot of resentment. Pregnant women have been known to be awake after 9pm...

Now I take a deep breath, check the time (is 11pm really too late to be chatting with friends?), and give it a little time before getting out my broomstick.

My neighbors on both sides are junk collectors...one worse than the other...she saves old couch pillows (outside) in case she has company and they need somewhere to sleep.
If I was their relative.....I'd never sleep over. Espically love when they rototiller the yard- because they were going to put down stone...did nothing. And 2 years later..dirt all over, including her dirt in my yard that has killed 1/2 of my grass.
Just what everyone wants- a neighbor that shares- even her dirt....gee thanks. I'd trade her for someone who would take care of their home. Any takers?

Last year I came down with an awful virus that gave me a very high fever which caused me to faint. I woke up in a pool of my own blood (gross, I know) and ended up going to a neighbor's apartment while I waited for the ambulance. I had met her once since she had recently moved in. I didn't even know her name! But she was so helpful in my time of need and I really appreciate her kindness. I'm just glad I didn't bleed on her furniture.

I'm an apartment manager now and I see how people assume that their neighbors are annoying them on purpose. Most of the time it's a simple case of misunderstanding. The worst are noise wars where one tenant is turning up their music at top volume to teach another tenant a lesson (like when their tv is up too loud or something). Most things can be solved by having a simple conversation.

P.S. I hope no one ever folds my laundry. As much as I hate doing it, I don't want people touching my underwear.

"If someone's laundry is in the washer and it's finished, switch it to the dryer and spring for a cycle."

What?!? NOOOOOOOoooo?!?! What about those of us who don't put our clothes in the dryer, want to protect our beautiful sweaters from shrinking and pilling, or just have an exorbitant amount of "lay flat to dry" clothing?

This is a *bad* idea. It's like suggesting you add bleach to someone's delicate cycle just because you think they need it.