We used to work with a friend who told us he was unable to "go" anywhere except at home because that was the only place he was comfortable (ahem, TMI perhaps?). We think we've found an invention for those people like my friend who prefer to only use their own bathroom...
The water proof briefcase retains an elegant yet durable appearance with high quality Mahogany leather, a strong lightweight aluminum internal structure, and stainless steel bowl with generously equipped sealing lid. Quietly and discreetly go about your personal "business" anywhere you please with a fold out leather privacy panel which tucks away neatly to the side when you have completed your multi-tasking. A toilet paper dispenser easily swings out and can be conveniently stored in an inconspicuous storage compartment under the padding [for added discretion] when not in use.
Included with the Gotta Go Briefcase are a small tray with cup holder (clips onto the privacy panel), attachable vanity mirror, and refillable hand sanitizing dispenser. The newspaper and air freshener are not included but recommended.
Yes, it's just a joke, so don't get your TP in a bunch.