As a stay-at-home (and work-from-home) mom, sometimes I find myself getting irrationally jealous of my husband when he is ill; he just lets his boss and coworkers know he's under the weather, and he takes the day off (as he should) to rest, recuperate, and get back on his feet. What does a sick day look like for a stay-at-home mom? Exactly like a well day — babies need to be fed, kids need to be taken to school, and meals need to be seen to. What's the answer?
I asked myself this very question this past week when I inevitably succumbed to the nasty virus that has made its way around our household. I had been shouldering the extra load when my husband was down for the count; I wiped lots of little noses, took lots of midnight temperatures, and distributed round-the-clock doses of Tylenol to my little ones. But when I woke up one morning with a telltale tickle in my throat, I shoved it to the back of my mind. No, no, it's nothing, I'm not sick, I told myself. Later that day, picking up my boys from school, I began to shudder with chills. Ignore it; you're fine, I said.
But as you might guess, eventually I had to admit that yes, I was sick. And things were only going to get worse before they got better. In a perfect world, I would call in sick and take to my bed. I'd surround myself with quilts, tissues, hot tea, and Netflix while I rested in a quiet house. In a slightly less perfect world, I'd have my husband come home from work or have family members pick up my kids while I recuperated. In my actual world, neither of those things were available to me, so I just survived the best way I knew how. Here are a few things that seemed to help me hang on:
• Make it easy for kids to help themselves. I put lots of snacks in an easy-to-reach basket, and had single serving juice boxes on a lower shelf of the refrigerator. I also had plastic cups available next to the water dispenser. Also? I had to be okay if dinner was pop tarts and fish sticks. Or a bowl of berries and a plate of store-bought rolls. (Both are true stories, by the way.)
• Make it count when you're up. There's something about running a fever that makes getting up seem impossible — it takes loads of effort! So I tried to take care of as many things as I could the few times I ventured out of bed. While I'm up, does anyone need anything? And then if I got requests after I slunk back under the covers, I deferred them until The Next Time I Get Up.
• Be okay with them entertaining themselves — in whatever form that may take. Being under the weather isn't the ideal time to be picky about what your kids are doing for fun. In fact, as long as they were occupied, I was grateful — even if that meant they were building a fort out of my couch cushions or watching kid shows on repeat on Netflix. As long as they were safe and contained to the house, I was happy.
• This one's important: Let almost everything just go for awhile! When you're sick, you just feel miserable. Add to that the feeling of being helpless while laundry, dishes, and clutter piles up around you… you have the ingredients for one very cranky mom. (Speaking from experience.) Tell yourself it will wait. Tell yourself that this won't last forever, and you will tackle the mess with a vengeance in a few days. Remind yourself that it's okay to be out of commission for a few days, and it's okay to put yourself first for awhile to get the rest you need.
How do you deal with being sick while managing a household? Share your tips and advice below!
(Image: Shutterstock)

Nomade Express Slee...
First of all, I make sure that everyone in the house gets the flu shot.
Alas, this year, we got it too late -- December 23rd. I knew that Christmas with the in-laws would be high risk for infection, and so hustled everyone to the pharmacy to be vaccinated. Unfortunately, it takes 2 weeks to become fully effective, and my daughter caught it at the Christmas Eve celebrations, along with everyone else in our extended family.
So first one kid, then the second, succumbed, and then I did. My husband became caretaker for all of us by default until I could manage to stand at the kitchen counter and cook again. While I had a stash of meals in the freezer which were easy to prepare, which helped, at the worst of it, I was too sick to remind him the kids need lunch etc., and he had them down to 2 meals, breakfast and dinner. Not ideal, because then they snacked a lot. (And my daughter's waist length hair became tangled in knots we are still trying to work out because he never thought to brush it, or avoid tangle-creating situations.)
So really, despite my attempts to plan for all eventualities, the best thing is just not to get sick in the first place -- get a flu shot early in the season.
One of the biggest complaints I get from friends who are stay at home moms is that there's no help when they're sick. I feel like if a stay at home parent was sick and needed someone to take care of the kids, the other spouse should take time off and help. Otherwise, there's an underlying assumption that because you don't have a job outside the home, you don't get to take time off. It's illogical to want stay at home parenting to be treated just like a job outside the home, and yet consider yourself still "on call" when you are sick.
Can someone please finally aknowledge that (single) pet owners have to go through this, too? And their loved ones have to be taken outside several times a day.
Normally, I think being sick with a pet doesn't really match up to having kids (pets are much lower maintenance, after all), but one year I got pneumonia and literally couldn't go up and down the stairs to my three-level walkup. Luckily, Grandma came and took care of both of us.
Seriously? Kids =/= pets. I love my pets, too, but they're not kids.
Everyone deserves some TLC and sympathy for having to deal with the little things in life when sick. Single people face additional challenges, just as stay-at-home moms do. The stay-at-home parent can usually count on a spouse to pick up dinner on the way home, walk the dog, etc. while the single person may have no one to help out at all. But really, having been home sick with a puppy as a singleton and later with two kids, the kids are harder at least when they are under age 7 or so.
Pi, That is nice, in theory. When you're the stay at home parent, at least you're in the home and the kids are supervised, even if you are in bed. It'd be nice if the other spouse (in our case, Daddy) could take the day off to take care of everyone but it is not feasible unless you're with a company that has unlimited sick days & we've never seen one of those! The spouse working outside the home usually needs to reserve their sick days from work for days that they cannot drag themselves out of bed. When you're a stay at home parent, you really rely on the other spouse's income.
Pi (and everyone else) - My comment was only that it would be nice for people to just acknowledge that single pet owners have to go through something similar (out of love for another living creature that isn't in any way related by blood to them). It's something that is hardly ever written about on lifestyle sites like this one. But okay, I guess kids > pets. It's all about you, people with kids. Childless people should know better than to try to relate to a post like this.
I so wish I had an answer to this. I just have to hope when I get sick, I'm at my sickest on the weekend when my spouse can help out. Having homemade broth and "emergency" noodle soup in the freezer helps, and homemade pizza dough frozen and ready to turn into a fast dinner when I'm sick makes things easier (but only if I remember to remake my stash once I use it).
I don't have kids; I just acknowledge that kids are a lot more difficult than pets.
I am not a parent so cannot yet attest to what this feels like. However, I am very interested in the comments as I occasionally experience debilitating migraines and think to myself "if I had a child, how would I be able to function?"
I think the idea of having easy-to-do-yourself food & entertainment options is a great idea. However as another commenter pointed out, this only works with older children.
Hopefully you know SOMEONE (be it a spouse, parent, extended family member, friend, etc.) that would be willing to take the kid(s) off your hands for at least a little while whether that means taking care of dinner, driving them to activities, or just playing a board game with them so you can get some rest. Even better? A friend's house they can visit!
I'm the spouse in this situation and we actually went through this recently. I got hit first and my wife took excellent care of me and our baby. When she got sick, I did the same. Our situation is a bit different because we both work full time. That also means we HAVE to share the workload of maintaining our home.
My wife is sooo much better at the details than I am. So I can understand that some of you struggle about knots in the hair and having X number of meals a day, etc. I think what's important in these situations is to let your spouse help out, and when you do, be okay and accepting with his or her abilities/inabilities. Remember, everything will be OK. The flu is temporary. The more you rest, the faster you recover. Also, be okay with bringing in a sitter or a cleaner for one day. The extra help would be much appreciated, it's really not that expensive, and you won't feel guilty for asking because you're paying for service.
And one last social commentary, I do think that husbands should be willing and able to take the day off when a child or spouse is sick at home in order to help. Especially when the mother is a homemaker and/or daycare is not an option. I know that's not always possible though.
It's so grim. I just pray I get it first or last, because being sick at the same time...
@JasmineIsDomestic - ya know you're just cruising for a bruising with a comment like that in a post like this!
Last fall when I was feeling sick for 2 days, my friends helped out a TON. They brought my kids to school those mornings & took them after school for play dates while I just slept. I was unable to cook (and didn't want to spread more germs), so I ordered take out. My husband was slammed at work with big deadlines & he couldn't take time off (plus, he had to work super late).
Moral of the boring story? Make sure you have friends. And I am happy to take my friends' kids when they are ill. Or go to the grocery for them. Or bring them dinner. It's what we all do for each other.
Correction on last sentence of second paragraph; i meant to say "you won't feel guilty for asking for help". Sorry.
The average young child is more difficult to take care for than the average cat or dog*, but that doesn't mean that pet parents don't experience a great deal of what parents with human offspring do. When you're sick, you've still got to drag yourself out of bed and feed them and give them clean water and take them for walks (especially if you live in the city and have no backyard you can let them out into). Our cat insist on waking us up before dawn, so if I need to sleep in one day, tough. When I'm sick, my husband can wake up early and attempt to distract her, but if I was on my own, I'd be up at 5am whether I wanted to or not.
*Getting kids to school, making lunches you don't pour out of a bag (although that's because most of us don't object to heavily processed food for our pets but would with human kids), and providing mental and physical stimulation that isn't plopping them in front of the TV (but seriously, cats and dogs probably would benefit a great deal from that level of mental and physical stimulation too, different activities, but I'm sure they'd sleep less if they had the attention human children get).
I sympathise with the difficulties of being a sick mummy or daddy.
I kind of think though AT is getting off the rails here, if this turns into a parenting or wedding planning site I'm out.
All I have to add i if you are sick, please stay at home. My dad is still recovering from a very nasty bout of the flu (whole week in bed), and now has a secondary infection in his lungs because someone in his office came to work sick. Do everyone in your life a favor and stay home!
"be okay and accepting with his or her abilities/inabilities"
I always have to tell myself that. When my husband has to cover for me around the home, I am always amazed at how dirty things get. I have to tell myself it's okay - sure, it sucks having a pile of housework to catch up on when I'm better, but things resembling meals were made and I only had to remove one knife he accidentally left precariously sitting on the kitchen counter. If we come out of a cold with everyone being feed, healthy, and in reasonably clean clothes, that's good enough.
This is one of the many situations which demonstrates just how difficult it is to be a single mom, especially a single mom without a dad in the vicinity or in the picture.
When we were all sick, it just ruined our vacation -- my husband had the time off anyways, and so was just stressed about not being able to do anything useful or fun.
But single moms... I have a dear friend on the other side of the continent. Her husband died. She was all alone to give birth to, and raise, their son. When he was small, and she had the flu, she had to summon the energy to drive him to daycare and then collapse under her fever. She didn't have the luxury of having family nearby, nor close friends who were in the neighborhood and could help in a pinch. Another dear friend collapsed with H1N1 at work, and had to be rushed to hospital, so we took her kids in (everyone but me got H1N1 as a result -- I'd been vaccinated through a priority program).
It's really, really hard. So if you know any single moms... think of helping out.
(and this experience showed me that I can't die just yet, or my daughter will end up with dreadlocks and will not have any nice clothes because as wonderful as my husband is, it would never occur to him to buy her any...)
I'm not a stay at home mom, but I am a single mom. Recently, I got hit with a nasty upper respitory infection that left me incapacitated and running a fever. I still had to make school lunch, take my child to school, do laundry (going to a laundromat), buy groceries, and help with homework. I did order take out, and have snacks available so my child could fend for himself most of the time. He did play more computer games than I'd have liked, but we managed ok, but not great.
The thing that helped was only doing what was necessary. Doing only the amount of laundry necessary to get through the week, buying convenience foods instead of anything that needs actual cooking, and making sure to take care of myself - taking meds, staying hydrated, and resting.
Bah, why are pet people always so self-centered!? If you want someone yo acknowledge your pain, go write your own blog or post about it on an article about pets! Sheesh!
I was kind of hoping that this would address more than just stay-at-home parents. I can feel myself getting sick, but my hours at work have been slashed so dramatically after the holidays that I absolutely cannot afford to stay home.
I don't have kids but I do have a dog, and have had cancer multiple times. Let me tell you, taking care of kids while sick is a lot more challenging than taking care of a dog. And having cancer will often get you a lot more solicitations of "What can I do to help?" than you can get from having the flu.
The moral of this story is not to have cancer and a dog, but instead to prepare for any kind of illness as best as you can. You know that emergency fund that "they" talk about, the six month nest egg in case of crisis - it ain't a bad idea if you can swing it, or even part of it. With dogs, you can call up a dog walker and have your pooch let out twice a day. And if you cannot afford to build a nest egg, at least build good will. Whenever a friend is sick ask if you can stop by with chicken soup, run to the pharmacy for Tylenol or kleenex, or help with their pet if they have one. Hopefully they will return the favor.
And lastly, yes, AT have you become a parenting blog?
Why is this on AT? This sounds more like mommy-blogging material and nothing to do with interior decorating/improvement.
I have two young kids, a dog, and a cat, and in some ways the dog *is* the most work when I'm sick. If I'm really feeling lousy, I'm totally okay with the kids having a TV day. The dog, on the other hand, doesn't watch TV and wants to play. All the time. And my kids are civilized enough to use the bathroom indoors. My dog, on the other hand, needs to be taken outdoors, no matter what the weather. Standing on an icy sidewalk holding a leash while waiting for my dog to decide where to poop -- and then picking up said poop -- is not my idea of a good time while shivering with a fever.
The cat, however, is a rock star. Self-feeding, self-cleaning, self-bathrooming, AND she makes a great heating pad.
My husband is awesome about re-arranging his schedule when I'm sick, but sometimes he just can't. That's life. I agree with everyone who said you just need to relax your standards and order takeout for dinner.
Moms have it tough in so many ways. Especially in that no one notices that the laundry has been done or the groceries put away. They only notice when these things haven't been done. Then they tend to say - "Hey, there are no clean glasses" as opposed to "Gee, I should really load and run the dishwasher" - serving people, unappreciated, 24/7/365 is much harder than people realize.
One suggestion if you feel like you're coming down with something is to look into taskrabbit.com or some sort of emergency nanny/housekeeping service.
I think since many of us have certain other things in common (such as having procreated), it's nice to occasionally see something a little different on AT that I can relate to. I would feel the same if I saw a pet-related post and had a pet, and wouldn't feel slighted if I didn't have one or the other and saw either post. If the information in the post doesn't pertain to you, there are so many others on AT that might, feel free to move along.
Now, with that being said - thank you to those of you who brought up the single parent conundrum. I recently fell ill with the flu and have an almost 3 year old, and it was brutal. He understandably wants to be with/under mommy all the time, but you sorta want to stay away from him because you don't want to get him sick. Impossible, because it's not like there's anyone else in our house for him to spend time with. So I wound up getting him sick too. :(
Lyn_da, Thorndale and Beckys32 -
Apartment Therapy has had a Family channel for just over a year now, since we did our redesign and blended in some of our previously separate subject sites. Since that time, we've been posting Family-only content on that specific channel (accessible from the top navigation bar), with selected Family posts running down the main page as part of the editorial mix. That's it - nothing new or different, it's the same editorial structure that's been in place since January 2012.
If the Family content posts are not of interest, hopefully the next post coming down the page will be - we strive for a well balanced mix each day!
First of all, this is quite appropriate in the "Family" section of AT.
Second, I have kids and dogs, and if somebody would come take my kids and leave me home with just the dogs while I'm sick, I would be in Heaven. Seriously.
All of the tips above are good, but I have been sick enough on a couple of occasions where I've had my husband stay home to help out. Once was right after my third child was born, and I just couldn't do it myself that day. For me, the worst thing about it, is that you really do have to let things go for a while. Unfortunately, if we're all sick, my husband isn't doing as much as usual, and I've already let things go to take care of the kids. By the time everybody is well, it seems like it takes a month to get caught up with everything that needs to be done!
Apartment Therapy, this is the problem with your website integration plan. When Ohdeedoh was off by itself a little, then family posts were not inundated with the childless (excuse me, child-free) complaining that each and every post was not written just for them and that the whole thing was going down the tubes as a mommy-blog.
You know, when I come across the 1067th AT post about hiding the cat's litterbox in a cute and stylish way, I simply don't click on it. I don't read the whole thing and then post a complaint about how AT is getting to be just for cat owners, and what about those of us who choose not to have cats and poor us! Honestly, folks. if the family posts make you feel left out, scroll by them!
First there is a difference between under the weather and totally incapacitated. I'll talk about the latter. Sick with children is impossible without help from a partner or hired help. Sick as a single person is also difficult...no one to pick up painkillers or soup or to drive you to the clinic or yes, to take the dog out when you are too weak. The point is that when people are incapacitated with illness, they need assistance. We all need to remember to help out with children, errands, and other impossible tasks when our loved ones need it.
In response to the kids vs. pets debate, my answer is the same to both of you. Hire a babysitter / dogwalker. I also agree, this sounds like a mommy blog question and am not sure why it's on AT (I say this even as a mom).
Please! Pets do not demand the same level of attention as young children. Your pet is not a kid, although you may love them very much. I would also venture to say it is easier and cheaper to find a dog walker (because that is the kind of pet we are talking about right? A pet who needs to be taken outside multiple times during the day?) when you are sick to come and walk your dog 2-3x a day than it is to find someone to take care of your kid(s) for an entire day so you can rest and recuperate. I feel like society has become too child-centric, but that doesn't mean that it isn't really hard to take care of children when you yourself are sick.
or the vice versa, taking a day when your pet is sick.
in the summertime, my cat got into a poisonous plant on a sunday afternoon. i took her to the pet emerg and they kept her over night and flushed her system. she wouldn't vomit, even with inducing her, so they couldn't say that she was 100% out of the woods until more time had passed. so the next day, i took a sick day and stayed home with her. she was fine and i didn't have to worry about coming home to something i didn't want to see. my boss probably thought i was crazy, though.
i thought that's what it would be too - how to make the most of going to work when that's your only option. blog may consist of designer kleenex, cute mugs, the choicest teas and maybe a cozy knit that feels like a blanket but would pass as a shawl.
i can call in sick if need be, but boy do regret it the next day when i have twice as much work to do.
Perhaps the headline for this post should be changed to how to be sick as as stay-at-home-mom?
So many people have to face going to work or calling out sick and possibly losing their job. In food service, there's the moral dilemma of "I shouldn't be near food right now" and the practical dilemma of "but does this really warrant missed pay, a trip to the doctor (for the note to go back), and the hard time from the boss."
Some jobs, especially with small employee rolls, don't really allow for calling in sick without closing shop or otherwise causing a major disruption to business. It would be nice to have acknowledged more diversity in employment situations.... not everyone either works in the home or works in a company with sick days, enough employees to cover each other, etc.
I second the pet owner comment. If you have toddlers? No comparison. A ten year old who should be able to manage some food and self-entertainment? Similar; our cat has asthma, an autoimmune disease and seizures. I have to cook for him five times a day and give him tons of medicine and fluids.
Anyway; how to manage when you're that sick, if you have a spouse or a baby sitter I think they should take over. If the kids haven't already had that flu virus then an overwhelmed mom handling their food and stuff is dangerous, plus Mom needs to recover.
I'm glad we got a flu shot but there's other illnesses (not as bad) out there. When I get sick I take as many shortcuts as possible and don't forget chicken soup and echinacea tea. Both have some evidence to show they can shorten the duration of illness.
I don't think anyone's saying that kids are pets; the point is it's a fair comparison because cats and dogs are at the mercy of how the family treats them. They can't care for themselves, nor will they ever "grow up" to be more independent. It's a way for the ever reviled "childless" woman to relate to caregiving. And let's face it, if your kid is sick you can take off from work. If I have to rush my cat to the vet, my boss will laugh in my face if I used that as an excuse.
Eh, I don't go on the posts that don't relate to me and threaten AT with leaving because of said post, nor do I go on the pet posts and whine that no one is acknowledging the fact that i'm a mom. I find it quite pointless to read an article that has NOTHING to do with me, then complain about it.
Yikes, folks. Can't we all get along?
My main problem when I'm sick is that it seems to take me twice as long to recover, because I can't sleep all day. Or, a cold turns into a sinus infection when it otherwise might not have. I think it would be really rude for me to ask a friend or babysitter to come over and help, because who wants to be in my germy house? Then their whole family is at risk. But if resting is not an option (this also applies to those who can't get off work), then at a minimum be sure to flood your body with plenty of fluids and nutrients, but make it easy and buy prepackaged salads, or whatever. And wash your hands, sneeze&cough into your elbow, etc.
As a single mom who now has teenagers, I am so thankful for this post. It is really tough to be sick and have children. A few years ago I had pneumonia AND had other illnesses that left me hospitalized and home-bound for weeks.
A few things that really helped me:
1. If it's going to be longer than a day, I ask friends to bring some food. They are happy to do it. (I don't abuse this.)
2. I am ok having food delivered. That's both groceries (amazon fresh) and prepared meals.
3. Teach young children how to load a dishwasher. My daughter knew how to load her dishes into the dishwasher before she was 5. The small things matter.
I'm currently in bed with the flu, and I am grateful that my children can get themselves out to school and work on time without my having to do anything. Thanks so much for this post.
Good job on derailing the conversation topic. If you're going to be peevish about people with kids, why are you even in this post? (which is how to deal with being sick while your children are sick). Yes, having your dog/cat be sick sucks, but no, it's not the same as having your kids be sick.
In my family, I'm the one who powers through illness to get things done... everyone else (coughcoughmyhusbandcough) flails around and acts like he's dying even with the most minor cold. LOL
I have a very young baby so if I get sick I have to go out of my way to avoid giving it to him...plus he can't exactly take care of himself while mom is out of commission. Thank god for the in-laws, who could take him for a little while until I got better.
My advice is to have layer after layer of backup in place before you get sick (because you will, inevitably). Think through scenarios (what if I am hospitalized? incapacitated for two months with broken bones?) and come up with contingency plans. When making decisions about where to live, consider that being near family can be life-saving. Cultivate relationships with trusted neighbors and other parents at your children's school and activities. Find more than one good baby-sitter and hire them often enough to get your children used to having someone else care for them. Obtain whatever life and disability insurance coverage you can afford for the breadwinner in your house. Organize your home so that if someone else has to come in and take over, they can do so. Attend a church where parishioners help each other out when they are in need - which of course means that occasionally you will go visit a sick shut-in, or prepare a meal for someone having a crisis. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Most people are too self-involved to notice you are flailing but if you put it to them directly, they will gladly come help you and your children.
When your kids get sick, wash your hands frequently, gargle with germ-killing mouthwash, and as hard as it is, resist the urge to cuddle. Trade off night duty with your spouse so that both of you get at least some sleep. Accept the fact that you will probably catch whatever they have; your goal is to put it off as long as possible to allow them to get well so that they can go to school while you sleep. If you feel an illness coming on, do the laundry and run your important errands - grocery shopping and the like - while your heath permits.
If all your plans fall through, call a baby-sitting service to send someone over for as many hours a day as you need. Even though you may not know the sitter, you will be there all day (albeit lying in bed) to direct things and answer questions. Prepare to spend $20 an hour or so ($200 for 10 hours - gulp!), but you probably only need that level of help for a couple of days.
It seems the obvious answer is to have a support network, but the part I'm struggling with is how to build one. We had to relocate away from all friends and family, and as a working mom, I don't get to go out with my toddler to do social things and make friends (our nanny now has somewhat of a social circle in my neighborhood, but that doesn't help me much.) If you telecommute like me or don't have coworkers that you can build that kind of rapport with, it's tough!
A few days' worth of meals in the freezer would be a godsend, so my best advice to parents who can't rely on help is: BE PREPARED. I learned the hard way after my 3rd child was born - left hospital a few hours after the birth, came home to bare cupboards and empty freezer, and had to drag myself to the shops to buy food for the other kids who were hungry!
How come you can't get out with your toddler and do social things? I mean, is it that you are working during the day and don't have hobbies at night? If you telecommute, could you stop by the public library during a lunch period and participate in something like a toddler book club? You'll meet more people that way. I find it hard to believe you don't go out with your toddler at all.
And if you want to build rapport with neighborhood parents, but don't know how, what about organizing a weekly or nightly walk around the block? Parents want to be more mobile with their kids, but it's better to have company or walk in numbers. Maybe there are other parents in the neighborhood who are interested in meeting other parents, but need an activity that's stress free.
That's true, they can't care for themselves. But they require much, much less care than a child, to the point where you could probably throw a cup of kibble in their general direction and they wouldn't complain.
@Krikkit it's hard to meet reliable people, even then some "friends" are real crappers when you need them. You might want to see if there's a babysitting (or even community, church) network for child care. It won't be the same as friendship but it's faster and you might meet some great people that way.
I'm kind of astonished at trying to answer the question "how should mom handle being pushed to her limits when she has the flu?" I totally get that some people don't have reliable support; but if you do absolutely use it and don't put your child at risk of getting this season's virus. It's nasty - it's swine flu, for cripes sake, and children are more likely to die from it.
If you're vaccinated at least the worst you'll get (probably) is a lousy cold or stomach virus. If you have the flu, another adult should take over. And what if you get really sick and are hospitalized? If the support is lousy now, imagine if the child has to be looked after by someone else. I agree with the commenter who says plan ahead.
With toddlers it's rough. But if your kid's 9 or 10 (or older), they should be semi independent with some help. If young children in agrarian and nomadic societies can spend most of the day in horrible weather and harvest their own food, your ten year old can surely make themselves a sandwich.
I agree that I need to invent opportunities to meet people since daytime activities don't fit my work schedule. I go out with my toddler plenty on weekends and some evenings, but we're not finding ongoing, organized events at those times (like the library events and play groups that I see listed during the day) so that we can get to know the same people. I do see classes for which we can sign up on weekends, though I was hoping to avoid steep activity fees.
Not every person without kids is childfree by choice. I think it's really inconsiderate just to answer "tough luck" when someone says that they're disappointed that their favourite interior design site has changed focus. Personally, I just wish other rooms got half the attention nurseries get nowadays.
As for the subject at hand - could you find other parents nearby with kids the same age as yours and make a deal to take the kids the days someone is ill?
Krikkit, I hear you about how hard it can be to create a new network. When we moved to a city where we had no friends or family, I would go places (with my toddler) where I thought I'd run into people with whom I might have something in common. Might have been a coffee shop or a bakery. I ended up meeting my closest friend at the natural foods store. I watched her walk in with a kid about the same age as mine and walked up to her and initiated a conversation. It was awkward at first, but turned out to be great. If you go to the store in the evening, or a cafe, or the bookstore, just take a chance and strike up a conversation. Book club. Church/synagogue/other spiritual group (be sure their membership person knows that you want to meet people as well as the fact that if you get sick you will need some help). Even if you can't attend daytime, organized events with your toddler, you might talk with the contact people for some of those and see if they know of an evenings/weekends group that gets together more informally. Also, if your toddler is in pre-school, you should ask the teacher(s) or director how you can get involved, even with your schedule. Maybe there's a project or an event you can help with where you can meet people. Finally, get to know your neighbors! Don't feel like the only people you can/should befriend are also parents of small children.
Whether you're a single person (with or without pets), part of a couple or a family, I think the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself so you don't get sick, and plan ahead some for when you do. If you're really, really gone, sometimes you have to take a risk and reach out to someone you might not have called. In my experience, all but the meanest people will step up, and that might be all it takes.
When my daughter was two, I became seriously, chronically ill with M.E. That was 7 years ago, and I've been slowly and steadily getting worse every year. Imagine having a flu that NEVER GOES AWAY, and add a whole bunch more neurological, cardiac and muscular problems on top of it. I can't even get the flu shot because it will make me worse, and people with M.E. don't seroconvert the shot anyway.
I've learned to admit to my friends that I have chronic health problems, and not to hide it and be "fine". I've learned to ask for help when I need it, and I've realized that my daughter needs to learn to be self sufficient, while knowing what is not safe around the house. (She tried to scramble her own eggs when she was 3, but thank goodness she couldn't reach the knob to the burner!)
It's easier now that she's older, but I still rely on my friends a lot. I can call and have someone take her for the afternoon or weekend, or have some soup delivered when I can't get up. I live in a close knit Jewish community, so we have really strong bonds, and everyone lives within a few blocks of me. When I can, I do as much as possible for my friends who need me, even if it's a bit of mending or sending out invitations for a bar mitzvah.
When I have a rare "good day", I try to get caught up on major stuff like laundry, and I cook a ton and freeze it. I let little things go, like dusting the window sills. Seriously, who cares? You have to pick and choose your battles when your energy is tightly rationed. Everything you do has a "price", and you have to decide if it's worth it or not.
When we lived in Switzerland, it was great because I could order groceries online and have them delivered. And I could just pick up the phone, and have the pharmacy deliver (during regular working hours). Even better: if you are sick, you can call the doctor house call service (which is covered by insurance). No takeout delivery, but where we live, we can only get pizza delivered anyway, and it is pretty awful, so we pass.
I think it would help a lot of people, and especially single parents, to have such services here. We can't get any of that here in Ottawa -- no Amazon Fresh here!
Hope you feel better soon limes.
I do not buy this argument that if you're a stay at home parent, you can't ask or expect the spouse to step up when you're sick.
It's preposterous. There are plenty of things the well spouse can do to relieve the duties of the sick spouse without taking a day off from work. That would include doing the shopping and preparing food in advance so you all can eat without much effort (or bringing home takeout, etc), adjusting their schedule to get kids in at least one direction (either to or from school), giving the kids baths when they get home, etc etc.
My ex used to do these kinds of things for me when I was sick and we didn't even have kids!
regarding the pet thing? please. no. I have cats, just got over the flu, and honestly they were more of a help to me than a pain (one solidly wedged on each side of me in bed - they love fevers ;) Dogs could be more of a challenge but with so many dog walking services out there, I can't imagine it's overly difficult to work that out.
This is such a hostile remark. Obviously you have no idea what you're talking about. Everyone has their own situation and circumstance. It's not about what you "get" or "chose" to do its unfortunately what you're dealt sometimes. When family doesn't help and husbands don't take off work and don't help anyway you're screwed. Not all SAHMs are privaledged.
Privileged btw, my 3 year old distracted my typing as my husband left for a 13 hour shift.
My advice is to have a conversation and not to underestimate your children. Honestly, I can't believe how sick I feel and I'm always a little startled to see that I still don't have a fever. I had really been looking forward to sending Calvin in to daycare yesterday so I could take a nap -- it's really hard to take care of yourself when you are caring for a nigh-toddler. Given that Calvin had been sick over the weekend and still had a slight fever, though, I was unable to send him in good conscience . So. I talked to him. I told him, "Calvin, mommy's not feeling well. I need you to let me take a nap when you sleep today. We are going to nurse in a different room in a different position so that after you fall asleep, I can fall asleep. That's way I can get better soon." And that's what happened. Twice. I got about 3 hours of bonus daytime sleep yesterday, napping next to my son, who had nursed out himself. This afternoon, he's feeling better, so he deserves to get to go play with his friends at daycare while I boringly convalesce. But I am so glad I got to nap with him yesterday. I cherished it. Classes, I'll see you next week.
I will write the newspaper a very angry letter everytime there is an article im not interested in... >_<
Why do I always forget I wanted to stop reading the comment section...
I get flu shots, however it doesn't offer protection against all strains of flu and so one can still get ill. Likewise, it is also very hard on anyone when they get sick. What purpose does it serve to compare whose situation is worse or who is more entitled to ask for help or impose demands on others. No one knows anyone's situation and it's presumptuous to think that your life circumstances create a situation that is so much worse than what another person may suffer. Really, everyone has their own situation and circumstance. And I agree with the person who stated that, "It's not about what you "get" or "chose" to do its unfortunately what you're dealt sometimes."
The world is full of self-serving individuals who think the world revolves around them and their needs and they fail to recognize people's individual situations. Lot's of people wind up without help from others, even when they may ask for it. There are too many people who go through life thinking that no one else's needs, but their own are valid and that's called narcissism.
Well, I live in the southeastern part of the U.S. so maybe it's different here, but even if you are not a member of a church you can still call and ask for help. My church offers temporary felt needs assistance to everyone in the neighborhoood surrounding it. So, if you lived there, you could call and ask if someone would mind doing a grocery run for you or picking up kids from school. And I go to what's considered a conservative church. If you feel uncomfortable with that, you could make sure to call a more progressive church (it's usually mentioned in the ads in the yellow pages if you still get a phone book, but Anglican, Episcopal, and Community churches are a good bet). I once read an article by an atheist about how atheists and agnostics need to orgnize and have Sunday school too, just so everyone can know each other and bond and support one another. I may disagree with that man's opinion about the supernatural, but I do agree and sympathize with his assertion that everyone needs community and support. He should get on that! (that last sentence is meant to be sypathetic humor, btw, not mean)
@Emmi yes! thank you.
I have two boys ages 3 and 6 and am a stay-at-home mom (with no family close by and a husband who works full time and can't often take time off if I'm sick). The 6 year old is getting MUCH easier at entertianing himself and getting himself dressed, snacks, etc., but the 3 year old is super high maintenance. The best way I've found to deal with being sick is to PREPARE as much as possible ahead of time. This is what I do:
*I always have a (BIG) secret stash of sick foods: juice, pedialite, soup, crackers, ginger ale, pretzels, tea, etc. I stock up before flu season and keep it stocked so that when I'm sick I don't have to run to the store.
*Stock up on cold and flu meds ahead of time. Both for kids and adults. I buy tylenol motrin, stomach meds, Nyquil, cough drops, etc.
*Stock up on other sick stuff: make sure you have filters or distilled water for the humidifier, paper plates and cups for sick days so I don't have to do dishes, keep a little extra cash in the house in case you have to call a sitter and don't want to run to an ATM.
*I also have a secret stash of kid entertainment for when I'm desperate: a few new DVDs (even if it's something I don't normally let them watch like Spiderman or something), little puzzles and toys and art supplies.
* When all else fails, use as many services as you can to help: We have Amazon Prime and can buy movies to watch instantly--this was a HUGE help when I was down for the count for a few days, even if the movies are a ridiculous $3 each. Some pharmacies and grocery stores will deliver for a fee or have curbside service.
Not sure about everyone else, but I would love a job that I felt I could call in sick to. I, like most of my coworkers, work through our illnesses. We all say that if someone is sick they should go home, but we never do. There's always too much to do. :(
My three-year-old daughter and I are sick right now, and it is awful. I also have a one-year-old who is still nursing. That is the worst of all! We are a military family who just moved to a new base, so I don't know anyone well enough to ask for help. I'm just hoping it is over asap. I agree with the 4th tip. It's so hard to let things go when you don't feel well, but it's super important. https://allthingsholyhell.wordpress.com/2013/01/26/a-comedy-of-errors-for-miss-nora-june/
Do more people in the US get the flu than people in other places, ot is it just the thing of people calling it 'flu' when it's actually the common cold?
The person who complained that being sick with pets is comparable to this does NOT speak for all childless by choice people. Heck, the reason I don't have kids is because I know they are a LOT of work. Another reason I don't want kids--the incredibly low bar we have for fathers. Really, 2 meals a day is ok?!?! No, it's not. Huge mess, no showers, tangled hair, fine. Not preparing their lunches--not okay. My father was capable enough to run the house better than this when my mother got sick--and he was MUCH more old school than most fathers today. My recommendation--family counseling. If he is able to not be fired from his job, he is able to occasionally pitch in for the mother better than this.
My last comment was in reponse to mschatelaine.
As terrible as it is to be sick when you are a stay at home parent ... I would have traded places gladly last fall when I was incredibly sick while on a business trip. In mainland China. And I do not speak more than about 6 words of Mandarin.
This was not the first time I've been sick on the road, but it was the first time that I realized that my previous plan to "just get on the first plane to Singapore or Taiwan to get to English fluent healthcare" was unreasonable. I would have failed the airport fever scanners and I felt so incredibly lousy I couldn't imagine braving the airport anyways.
My point? Being sick is never fun, even if you can get yourself to a four star hotel in a major city (where you can't drink the water and ration the minibar contents). I do sometimes get a little tired of the mantra that "nothing is harder than X" whether that be home schooling, being a SAHM, being a SAHD, or being a war widow after WW2, or a road warrior while having the flu. Because as crappy as my situation was, I did HAVE a minibar!
Can we just get to the "coping strategies" and skip the dramatic intros comparing how the lives of other people (like the working spouse) are so much easier?
The same thing happened to me! First my husband got sick, then my kid, then me (and we have a newborn in the house) and it was miiiiserable! I totally agree that you just have to learn to be okay with yogurt for dinner and piles of undone laundry. It's the only way.
Hope you're feeling better!
Use facebook to post a "Hail Mary" help request from friends. Many people are hesitant to come over while someone is sick, but will happily drop off groceries and medicines at your doorstep. Try posting a specific list of things you need (milk, Tylenol, baby diapers, etc).
You could also ask friends to grab some new coloring books or craft supplies - anything new to keep your kids busy.
Also, grocery delivery is a good option, if available in your area.
Ok, I don't have kids, so I recognize I'm kinda out-of-my-league as far as the ability to make suggestions, but hopefully this will still be helpful to someone:
My husband and I have an emergency hurricane stash of food and necessities; likewise we have a "sick box" with Ramen, caugh syrup, etc. Take a healthy day and make an emergency "sick box." Whatever family food, supplies, and entertainment you can pack, pack it! If being sick is an emergency, why not prepare?
Similarly, I used to work as an administrative assistant and kept a running binder of instructions for how to do my job, in the inevitable event that someone would need to know. Why not keep some major instructions if you're lucky enough to have help available, incompetent though he/sh is at doing your job (husbands have been mentioned here).
And finally, I get that it's hard to ask for help; but personally, if a new friend, a co-worker, or similar asked me to help out with their kids or their groceries or something, I'd be happy to, it doesn't matter if they'd helped me first. If you're nervous about asking (as I am), just imagine if someone else had asked (politely, giving you an easy out, and accepting "no") for your help. Would you be insulted, angry, resentful? Probably not.
Being sick sucks not matter who you are or who is in your life.
Hi Miller8786
I used to think the same about my paralysing migranes. Then I fell pregnant and had my beautiful boy and have been migrane free for almost two years! *knock wood*
Food for thought ;)
When I got the flu two weeks ago, my husband got it the next day. Neither of us got rest time--I took care of 4 kids and he worked. Eventually my 80 year-old neighbors came over to see if we were okay because they hadn't seen the kids out in a few days. No big drama.
I agree with stocking up on some sick items: Kleenex, soup, crackers, etc. if it is possible. I always want a new toothbrush also.
I remember having the chicken pox and flu as a kid. It was one of the few times I was allowed a new toy and a funpad activity book so that my mother could have some time to rest while being sick too. She let us make forts, etc. and play with playdoh on the carpet. A few days off schedule doesn't a bad mother make.
My husband and I own a business; I do the work from home and watch the kids, he is in the store 10 hours a day, six days a week. We do well and have some part-time help, but we can't really afford to hire full-time employees. That means it's not really possible for him to come home when I'm sick, because that's a day we're not connecting with customers or making any money. :/