I was chatting with an interior designer friend recently and she told me that half the time she feels like a therapist as she tries to accommodate both partners in a design. I've been hearing this a lot lately: a girlfriend whose husband thought the tufted headboard she was eyeing was too girly; another who was grateful she got a pink bedroom out of her system before her engagement; a crafty art collection didn't make the cut when moving in with a partner...
There is always going to be the need for some compromises (remember Bruno Kirby's wagon wheel coffee table in When Harry Met Sally?), so I decided to dig in our archives for tips on keeping the peace and living happily ever after with someone else's décor. Got more ideas? Battle stories? Share below!
• First, make the process easier and less stressful on your relationship with our Make Moving More Organized and Less Painful checklist.
• If you like red and they like green, here are some ways to Make Complementary Colors Work for You.
• And if they like modern and you like traditional, check out our Eclectic Décor post. (Check out Anna and John's (shown above) eclectic décor here.)
• Make those sentimental pieces a little more visually appealing with our tips for Incorporating Childhood Memorabilia in your home. Or learn to live without them with our Breaking Up With Your Belongings post.
• Some people love their electronics, but gadgets and cords can be such eyesores. Here are ways to Hide Your TV and Exercise a Little Cord Control.
• If your partner has hoarder tendencies that might make you crazy, read my tips for How Not to Be a Hoarder. Try this mindful tip for Letting Go of Things You Love too.
• Finally, try holding off on making major decisions at move in. Give it some time and see what you can learn to live with it. Who knows, you may grow to love that mangy teddy bear they've been holding on to since childhood just as much as you love them.
(Image: Bethany Nauert)
Before & After: Emily Henderson Transforms a Senior's Studio Space
Monica & Austin's Charming Bungalow
Good Food to Share 
The Big Book of Small, Cool Spaces 
Apartment Therapy Presents 
The Eight-Step Home Cure 
Ercol Bar Stool
How To Cook Fluffy, Tasty Quinoa
True Greek Recipe: Paximadi Bread Salad with Tomatoes, Feta and Capers
And if this is the only problem you have once you move in together, then count your blessings!
I am going through this now. When my husband moved into my house, he had not moved for ten years and had a large apartment packed to the gills with stuff. I had a fully-decorated house myself, and so most of his things went into the basement. It looks like an episode from hoarders down there and bothers me so much that I had to write a post about it. http://capeofdreams.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/my-big-dirty-secret/
In the meantime, we are trying to rearrange things in the rest of the house so that he feels represented. We are using his bed, and mine is in the guest room, for example. It is hard to compromise because we had both lived alone for so many years before moving in together and are set in our ways.
This is too funny. I just moved in with the boyfriend a few months ago and made a berry pink tufted headboard for the bedroom during January Cure! However, we both have to participate in the decision of what gets put in the house, so he did agree to it :)
This, my friends, is why I choose to live alone.
When my husband was alive, he had a home office where he could display all his superhero figures, movie posters etc. to his heart's content, and I decorated the rest of the house. My taste isn't very girly though, so we probably wouldn't have had a ton of disagreements anyway.
We have a good sense of our own style, which is similar, so we don't usually disagree. When we disagree on whether to buy something, we give each other our perspective and go from there. Neither of us have "veto power." We discuss it until the person who wanted it in the first place loses interest or the person who didn't like it makes such a reasonable argument that the other person agrees a purchase is a bad decision.
Wow that's really something! Have you guys thought of maybe seeing what can be given away or sold through a garage sale so you can use the money to buy new things together? It might help to purge the mess in the gallows of your home, and also make him feel even more like it's it's home too.
Two tips:
(1) When my partner and I moved in together, we decided to use his furniture in the living room and mine in the bedroom. By dividing up rooms, we avoided having to have conversations about each individual piece (should we keep my coffee table or your coffee table?) and the furniture in each room was already selected to work together.
(2) We have already agreed that when we get married, his ugly stuff (e.g. lava lamp) will go in the HCR (husband containment room). Also, the HCR has to be kid-friendly. He doesn't get to go hide in there and shirk family responsibilities. No man caves in our house!
When we moved in together, we were both mature (ahem) adults--which meant we each had lots of stuff. We put most of it in our garage at first. We put in furniture that we needed for function and that we agreed upon. We bought a few new pieces together that we both liked. We left the walls and surfaces mostly bare.
After a few months of living together in that space, we had a much better idea of what we wanted and needed. And, we'd had some time away from much of our previous stuff and time to grow into the new couple we became from living together.
Not that we were super-conscious or planned it this way. We were mostly just overwhelmed and didn't have time to do more than we did. But in retrospect, it worked really well for us.
My framed photograph of actor Pierre Clementi had to go in the closet. *sigh* It was next to my boyfriend's side of the bed and he claimed he was staring at him in a "creepy" way and that the roles he played in his movies were not "positive energy for the bedroom." Oh well, I like my boyfriend better than a dead actor I have never met.
Ack -- going through this now -- luckily my partner is pretty laid back but I can't help feeling like a bossy nag. I feel like when I ask him "What are we going to do with your stuffed Garfield collection", he already knows that I'm trying to suggest we hide it in the garage...
Thank you so much for this post, a great subject !!! And what serendipity, I actually will host a workshop at my studio in Portland Oregon on that subject on February 16th
Please check it out:
http://www.eventbrite.com/event/3832037728/es2003/?rank=6
My boyfriend really, really, REALLY doesn't care about interior design/design styles, which is both a blessing and a curse. He doesn't really care what I do, as long as it's not super girly (which is not a problem at all, I don't like super girly spaces either), but I also feel like he should be involved in how our place looks and he doesn't really give me much to go on. I don't want to make all the choices, but whenever I propose something he just shrugs and says "I don't care, do whatever you want."
mandymod: ha! I had to look up who Pierre Clementi was and soon as I saw his face I was like, "Ohhh, THAT guy!"
I guess this means if I move a guy in, I might have to take down the picture of a shirtless Steve McQueen making a cup of tea that graces my kitchen?
One of the perks of living alone, I don't have to compromise, I do what I want.
Ugh, I went through this with my ex when he moved in. He wanted his band posters all over the place, I like really retro looking vintage things and bright colors... it was not a good mix. He also didn't want to spend any money on anything (unless it directly benefitted him- like a 47" tv, but wouldn't buy new bed sheets or even help me paint).
Fast forward to now and my boyfriend and I are on the same page completely. He doesn't even live with me but asked if he could help decorate my new apartment when I moved last month. So far its been a lot of fun and its really nice to know that he takes just as much pride in making my crummy little apartment into a home as I do.
We both work in a school and have the summer off, so that is how we will be spending our vacation! The plan is to go through and organize everything, keeping only what we will use or love and getting rid of everything else. Garage sales are awesome, and I love your idea to use the money for something that buy together.
I am lucky that my boyfriend and i have somewhat similar style and he will go with whatever i want for the most part . unfortunately though, he thinks monogramming is tacky... but!! he keeps giving me shitty "life is good", "live laugh love" magnets for the fridge? confusing. also, he loves full-on carpet and hates hardwood which is just all kinds of stupid.
leapkate: Don't take Steve down! But he may just have to get moved out of the bedroom! :( Haha!
this post is not helping my commitment issues. i've just added another year to the "move in with the bf" timeline (at least)
I was just invited to "move in" and my first comment was "Do you know how much stuff I have?"
His stuff is nice, just not as cool as mine. and he eyes my wall of cemetery photos with what appears to be trepidation.
my style has elvolved in the years that i've been single, and i'm happy with it...
but also lonely... so do i sacrifice some of my style for companionship?
wherever I go, the cemetery photos go with me!!!