Time Remaining: 88 days
The 9 Month Zone is a relationship test. Managing the stress of getting a project done when you are in the zone of an impending B-Day is what is going on for us right now.
She feels the clock ticking and is afraid that it won't be done in time. He has his hands full at work and is pulling the pieces together for the renovation, but it is taking time. Renovations - even one as miniscule as ours - require getting a bunch of different people all lined up first.
We have at least four different players: contractor, cabinetmaker, floor guy and painter. And we're not even talking about furniture yet. And since money is an issue, we're being careful.
She doesn't see progress. He has all the plans worked out, they just need to be executed now.
When we sit down to talk now we look at the calendar a lot. Timing is everything and neither of us want to screw this up. When the stress comes up, we are lucky. We pull together like a team getting ready for a game. Neither side wants to let the other down. So far, so good.
The stress is eternal. We've seen it get far worse. Many couples get caught completely unprepared at home for the arrival of a new baby. We've been called in to plan a brand new nursery only weeks before the birth. We've seen couples haggle for months over which room to put the baby in or whether to put up a wall in the living room. It usually has to do with unsuccessful dynamics between the two sides of the partnership.
The 9 Month Zone is a relationship test. If you don't manage this stress successfully it can really be hard on your relationship going forward, not to mention how the baby feels. This is one of those totally unique crunch times.
To deal with this we've been working with a simple nine month plan for getting the nest ready. It is keeping her reassured and it is keeping him on track:
Months 1-3: Dreaming, talking, imagining the new home or nursery
Months 4-6: Narrowing it down to specific sources, final floorplan and shopping list
Months 7-8: Doing it. Getting all the dirty work done and cleaning up afterwards
Month 9: Nesting
By our own schedule we're in the Doing It zone. And we're doing fine as long as we get the work started in July. We DO have a few loose ends in the sourcing department, and we may hit snags if we order something and it takes a long time to come. The next two weeks are crucial. We are acting calm for her, but we are on the edge of our seat.
© 2009 Apartment Therapy
oh, this is a more organized-sounding version of my life! (I already have a toddler - thus the lack of organization - and New Baby is due Sept. 12. Also, the majority of our work has been DIY.)
I've come to accept that the apt. won't be completed before the baby arrives, but I'm working with more handicaps, not the least of which is an apt. that was in very distressing condition when we took it on as a project.
Hang in there! I'm cheering you on!
When I was pregnant with our first child, we undertook a renovation to our front porch. Our contractor was an artist but a slow artist. At one point, I became exasperated and said, "You don't understand -- I'm having this baby at the end of September and this porch must be done." The contractor, a father of five, replied, "YOU don't understand. You are having that baby at the end of September, whether or not the porch is done!" I often look at the photo of my homecoming with my new baby, as I stood next to the spindly temporary porch supports, as a reminder to be patient. P.S., the baby now is 26 and didn't seem to have been marred for life.
Margaret
Margaret
Maxwell and Sara Kate - if you think the 9 month zone is a relationship test, just wait until the baby is born and you enter the 18 year zone!
And hope you get the full nine months to prepare ... babies often arrive on their own schedule!
Whoa...this is all good to know, since my husband and I will hopefully be there fairly soon. I wish you the best and don't forget to relax and still enjoy the expectation!
That said, I have to offer a mild critique. As much as I love apartmenttherapy, I find the use of the royal "we" a little bit grating. And here, when it shifts in and out from being a royal we and being a legitimate "we" we, it just gets confusing--and will be even more so when the "we" is three!
Still, keep up the great work!
As a comic colorist, that blue hair makes me cringe.
Good luck with the dirty work. Hopefully the weather will be nice enough to let you open up the windows and let the sawdust fly out!
At the risk of sounding like I'm climbing on a soapbox, my one and a half year old son has given me some precious hindsight.
The nine month test is a breeze compared to what comes after it. Use the time to go out to dinner and to the movies. Go out and do things together. Getting paint on the walls and the right crib linens may seem stressful now. Wait til you end up in an ER in the middle of the night nowhere close to home with your fever ridden infant throwing up all over you and no one interested in helping.
The quality time you spend as a couple over the next nine months is an investment in your future as a couple. I've never felt any stress or craziness like the first eight weeks with our baby.
Bear in mind that part of the reason women feel the clock ticking is that our energy level and physical abilities are very much at the mercy of Baby's development. I can see why She might want to be further along before the point at which a gal can't see over the horizon of her tummy to tie her shoes.
You're berserker brave to take on major rehab right now.
You know what? I didn't have a crib picked out when my son was born. We had a pack and play with a bassinet but,much to our surprise, we became co-sleepers. I had a hard time nursing in the beginning and having him nearby really helped. We got a crib, at 4 months we put him to sleep in it and we all lived happily ever after. Point is, its okay and theres no such thing as being ready.
This is cutting it a bit tight - two month to do everything when you're heavily pregnant - not such a good idea!
A better schedule would be:
Before you conceive, when you're talking about babies and deciding now is the right time to try for them: Dreaming, talking, imagining the new home or nursery
Months 1-3: Narrowing it down to specific sources, final floorplan and shopping list
Months 4-7: Doing it. Getting all the dirty work done and cleaning up afterwards
Months 8-9: Nesting and resting!
Wow. I am totally envious at your organization and planning. I see it more like this:
Months 1-3: Sleep. Avoid barfing, hiccups and dry heaves. Sleep more. Wonder if my cubicle at work is big enough to build small bed under it (like on Seinfeld). Surf Internet looking for "transformer-style" bassinet that will morph into a crib later on.
Months 4-7: Say, "Oh I will do it tomorrow" over and over because shopping on the weekend is too crowded and frustrating.
Months 8-9: Buy a couple of pieces off craiglist or second hand stores for husband to go pick up. Sleep.
I'm with you Molly, except I would add:
"Weeks 38-39:" become whirling dirvish cleaning out closets, rearranging whole house, buying cases of diapers, making up for lost time over past 9 mos.
My heart goes out to Sara Kate and Maxwell.
matilda,
Haha you are probably right about week 38-39, I haven't got that far but can imagine the panic. (although not enough to prevent it...)
Congratulations Sara Kate and Maxwell. Good luck with the reno too!
Molly - I forgot to add:
-wash and fold all baby clothes over and over.
;-)
well, at least you don't refer to SK as "the chunky wife"
I wonder if Jonathan's wife ever reads this site... and if so, does she cry about it?
Shoot me now but I have to ask: if your wife is freaking out, time is ticking away, you don't have all the details ironed out, you may have a problem with suppliers, you are talking about a major element of your apartment given the space, AND you yourself say you are getting nervous about how down to the wire things are....
what on earth are you doing going out of town?????