Time Remaining: 0 days
Nothing stirring. Bags are packed, apartment is clean, and the kitchen comes tomorrow, so we're hoping that the baby comes after that, but who knows? In the meantime, we had some thoughts on where a home fits in to one's life.
Over time we've come to feel that there are three legs that hold up our life: home, relationship and job. Like tripod legs on a stool, these three are basic pillars that give us support, and if any one goes, the stool falls over and your inner stress can really start to mount.
But not right away.
You can live without a home for a short time, or you can live without a job or a relationship. If you lose one leg of the stool, you can be just fine while you look to replace it. And as long as you are working on replacing it and there is some light at the end of the tunnel, you can live fairly comfortably.
Take away two legs at the same time and things can really get hard. Existing on only one leg: be it job, home or relationship is barely tenable and as for knocking out all three legs, well, we just won't go there, will we?
We all lose one leg sometimes, when we are in transition from one job to another or one relationship to another, but it can really help if you don't make decisions that will knock out two or three legs at once.
When a leg goes, you naturally focus on replacing it, and so it really helps if you only have to focus on replacing one leg at a time. If you are dealing with multiple leg loss, it is easy to get mired and great concentration is required while you take away energy from all other parts of your life to affect these big repairs.
We had a friend who was single and switching jobs when she found out that the landlord was raising the rent astronomically and she had to move. The next few months of living with a friend and managing the transition sucked.
Moral? Keep your legs under you whenever you can.
Moral #2? If you are prone to really dramatic and torturous affairs, keep a really steady job and home (or vice vice versa).
BUT, as we've thought about this lately, it has occured to us that maybe the tripod theory is a little shortsighted. We think that MAYBE there are four legs to every life.
Home
Job
Relationship
Spirit
Spirit refers to that part of our life that lies outside the other three and which gives us greater meaning and hope. For some Spirit could be religion, though for others it could be running or even politics. The spiritual part of life is such an important and hard to describe element, but it has the potential to lift us up even when we have no legs on the ground.
Spirit is like a super-support. It can play a day to day role in a happy, full life, but it can also step in and carry the whole show whenever necessary.
So maybe life is, afer all, just like a four legged chair. At any rate, the more legs you have on the ground the more firmly you will sit.
And when we lose a leg we can find a "crutch" so-to-speak fo rthe short time. Be it a hobby, sport, etc... something that provides stability and most importantly control. And while relying upon this temporary leg for long is by no means a good idea it can help when one's world is a hurricane to find a stake onto which one can time themselves...
i agree wholeheartedly, but with one caveat.
i'd change "relationship" to "relationships" or "social sphere" or "loved ones" or something like that. i've been happily single for the past year, and i'm not looking for a new romantic relationship. it doesn't feel like a balancing act for me in the way that losing my home or my job would. but a conflict or loss in my friends, family, etc. would be a huge obstacle.
Now that you've actually counted down to due-date, people will start bringing out all their early-late delivery stories (if they haven't already.)
I can do better: I went into labor on my due date. It was short, painful (but not unbearable), and sweet. Baby and mother both healthy. Dad present and delighted.
Whatever the date or circumstances, I wish you a healthy and happy conclusion to the 9-month experience.
This reminds me of Maupin's Tales of a City. Either Mary Ann or Mouse (I believe it was Mouse) had a theory that you can only have two of the following three things: a great apartment; a great job or a great relationship.
The third would always have to be a compromise. Mary Ann, of course, tried for the trifecta - and you can remember how that ended.
There's a Sex in the City Episode that says something similar - "in new york you're always looking for a job, apartment, or a boyfriend"... it does always seem to be that I'm working on one of the three.
there are so many legs to life -
hope, determination, perseverance, patience, prayer, honesty, integrity, action, that keeps life going on.
I hung on to these when I lost my job after 9/11 ( being a foreign student and qualified my job is being dictated by visas ) I lost my house, Friends fled when other illness struck.
It is all of the mentioned above that have kept me alive on the thining thread of life.
No matter how you want to characterize it, Maxwell and Sarah-Kate, you're a couple of lucky folks, with a big adventure just ahead!
Now that your big apartment project is done (amazing!), both of you take it easy until The Big Show decides to start. Enjoy each others' company, really *alone* for the last time for a long time. Enjoy loving each other, as a good warm up for welcoming a new love into your life!
Best of luck for an easy delivery and a healthy baby. Lots of us out here are rooting for you.
Alex, definintely not Mary Ann, you're probably right about Mouse, though could it have been Mona? I'm on my way to the bookshelf now...
along came a spider that sat down beside her
little agenda muppet announced.
little miss Buffett paid no mind to the muppet as she sat on her tuffet to showed melinda and bill with google following the way.
Actually, it is a four-legged stool with community (friends/family) serving as the final leg.
That's why the stool doesn't completely topple over when one of the legs is missing ;-)
it's all spirit, as those millions without any of the things you mention prove and show every day.
Maxwell and Sara Kate, you both will be in our thoughts!!! Best wishes for a happy, healthy and of course, design-concious addition to the family!!
We are expecting our own little guy in January and the site has been such an amazing resource with the Kid's Design Month posts. Thanks for the great ideas!
You're a kind and positive person Maxwell! I noticed that on tv too. Best wishes for the new baby--and for all of the other new additions arriving all at once. :-)
A before-the-baby gift of some poetry, an ee cummings poem that is the best distillation I've ever found of the those days just before and just after a birth. I hope you enjoy it
love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places
yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds
I've been amazed at the impact apartment therapy and The Kitchen have had on the quality of life in our home, and many of the resulting changes have gone hand in hand with the arrival and growth of my little daughter. Your work (and the contributions of all who post here) have helped an apartment of three to achieve a peace I hadn't imagined possible. I'm sure I echo the sentiments of so many when I say thank you and the best of all possible wishes to the three of you.
I have to agree with the opoponax above: Please consider adding an "s" to the Relationship leg! Friends, family, co-workers, the deli guy, the dry cleaning lady, etc. -- all these are just as significant of a "leg" in some people's lives as a romantic partner is in others' ... Limiting this "leg" to just one type of relationship, which this otherwise thoughtful entry does, promotes the unfortunate idea that one can't be fully "whole" unless one has a romantic partner.
But anyway, congrats to the AT proprietors, and thanks for sharing your lives and thoughts!