Diana never eats at home. Her apartment is a “crash pad.” Her living room hasn’t been sat in during the last 12 months, and she spends most of her home time at a makeshift desk in the kitchen hooked up to her email. Her fridge is empty, she has no clutter, and the formality of her one bedroom apartment has never been dented. Her apartment feels cold. In fact, she told me herself that her apartment feels cold and that “it makes her sad.” A very efficient woman, she would like to “warm up” her home and be able to invite friends over for dinner.
Cut to Carl and Julia. Carl is always at home. Self employed, with an office downtown, he loves his home and can often be found passing through it at any time of the day...
Julia is at work during the day, but loves coming home at night though she often finds their home a little overwhelming. It is full of beautiful belongings, keepsakes, pictures from friends and family and everything they have comes with a story. In their bedroom there is a thick pile of magazines and books stretching back a month, and water glasses that stretch back a week. Cleaning is an issue, and since they have always done everything themselves they haven’t ever hired a cleaning lady. There is lint under the couch that can almost crawl. Guests love to come over to Carl and Julia’s house, as they are great hosts. Between the two of them, however, they don’t feel in control of their home. They wish it was calmer and more organized.
Both of these apartments are the homes of successful people living in New York City. They both have pressing issues with their apartment that nag at them, but which are very different. They are representative of two types of apartment dwellers: warm people and cool people.
You typically hear about the warm people. These are the ones who worry about clutter and organizing, and who tend to obsesses much more about their homes and love The Container Store. They are often personally warm as well, being friendly, generous and extroverted socially. These are the Bill Clinton’s of the world, and their demon is excess and attachment to things and people.
Is this you?
The cool people do not broadcast their issues as much, partially because they are far more private and far more embarrassed about the failures of their home. High strung by nature, cool people are seen as sharp and smart, and they tend to delegate their problems to others if they can, because they feel clumsy dealing with the physicality of their own home. They do not feel great attachment to objects, and are good at avoiding clutter. These are the Hillary Clinton’s of the world, and their demon is excessive thought and over attachment to ideas, while losing touch with people.
Is this you?
The cure for each of everyone is always balance. You never want to try to change your basic temperament. It is who you are and it contains your strengths. You want to balance your tendencies by adding something new, not negating who you are.
For warm people, the practice is weeding, since they have too much growing. It is small things like cleaning out a closet, canceling a subscription or taking a load of clothes or books to the Salvation Army. For cool people, the practice is planting, since they don’t have enough growing. Their small tasks would be buying flowers every week for the kitchen table, hanging curtains (cool people avoid curtains), and inviting a few friends over for a drink once a month.
Start slowly and seek balance. That is the key. A little bit goes a long way, and nothing you do for your home is ever wasted.
• To the AT Book Page (where there is a lot more of our philosophy)
• To All AT On Posts
(ReEdited from 2004-10-26 - MGR)
This is interesting since I don't think I'm either, or more, I think I have qualities of both. I have a lot of stuff I have to have out in order to feel at home, I love to cook for people. But I am also very private, anxious, and often freak out when clutter gets out of control. So for me, and probably for most people, a little of both planting and weeding would go a long way.
There are only two kinds of people in the world - those who think there are only two kinds of people in the world and those who do not.
view Michael's profile
I am warm person without a doubt. I have a half room in my apartment "my office" which I havent done anything in because that would mean going through all the books, bags and papers I need to get rid of. I havent posted any before pictures of my apartment for the Cure- cause only my close friends/family wouldnt be horrified by my mess! As I type I am procrastinating so I dont have to go in that room and deal with all the papers. What I need to give away has been in boxes for months- I just havent done it cause its "good stuff" though I havent dragged my behind to the Salvation Army cause I keep thinking I'll have a stoopsale or post it to Craigslist. Give me the strength to weed. Its one of those painful things at first but once you start its great. Getting the momentum is the problem. Let the weeding begin...hopefully.
view Trumystique's profile
I can attest that, with a LOT of work, a very 'warm' person's apartment can look 'cool' to other warm people... but it will never fool a 'cool' person! Most people who visit my home are warm, like me - they are impressed with anything that has considerably less clutter than they do, and even doubt that I share their home issues (when the fact is I've spent the better part of my life dealing with them)! But the (very few) cool people who enter my apartment say something like, 'wow, I had no idea you like things so much', or 'I never would have guessed you'd be so cluttered'. It's a funny thing.
view Sea's profile
I tend to be a warm person generally and I think my home reflects that and it's going to get better now that I am intending on returning my attention to it again.
But I am also a cool person in some regards too, though not an introvert, I'm not overly gregarious much of the time either. Clutter is my biggest thing but I've been known to have purging binges and toss out lots and lots of old papers and stuff. Once a couple of years ago, I emptied out something like 24 file filders of stuff I no longer needed (but kept the folders if still useable though). Every now and then I end up with a handfull or more of things I no longer need and then make a trip to the GoodWill to donate such items, the rest get tossed if totally useless.
So in essence I am a little bit of both I think
view ciddyguy's profile
i am definitely warm -- with very occasional moments of coolness, where i suddenly decide to throw out a third of my apt. but it doesnt stay like that for long, "things" seems to creep in unannounced. i don't like messy clutter though, like Sara A. that makes me panic. in the end I do feel more comfortable having "things" around, but they must obey and stay in their assigned places. otherwise i start yelling.
view Kat1's profile
Trumystique,
Don't stress, confess. Some honest "Before" pics on the post would be an excellent first step in motivating you. This may be hard to believe but the secret itself is a huge amount of the psychological weight of your clutter. Consider it the "Threshhold Guardian" to your Hero's Journey. Once you make a full disclosure, you'll be able to set out on the "Road of Trials."
Trust us.
-------
Sea,
You are so right. Warms and cools see things completely differently.
view Lady J's profile
What an interesting piece. I'd say I'm more warm than cool. I do tend to keep a lot of stuff around for two main reasons - sentimental value and future use (which rarely comes to fruition by the way).
view Annalisa's profile
Lady J, friends, family, the plumber and electrician and others have seen my apartment. Not so sure the people on the interwebs need to see it though. (Also you are speaking to someone who rarely buys stuff on the internet, or uses any social networking sites. I dont want people up in my business that much). But after I posted my first message I got out the camera anyway. If I get really motivated then I would figure out how to use Flickr. I wonder how many participate in the Cure without posting their pics though.
view Trumystique's profile
At least you have a record for yourself. And a more objective view than your own eyes. Maybe you should tape the picture to the door.
view Lady J's profile
Decidedly warm, with occasional forays into extreme coolness. In the book, I think Maxwell described cool people as wanting their apartments to be as low maintenance as possible, and I totally relate to that, though I haven't yet found the formula that works acceptably for me. Constantly working on it though.
view Mella DP's profile
I'm a warm person who has learned to live cool due to my job - I have moved at least once a year for the past 7 years and I expect to do so for the next two or three. So while I don't have much in the way of clutter (can't be bothered to move it!), I love my home space and am getting very good at churning out all sorts of food with the minimal equipment.
I have ethical issues with cut flowers (unlikely to find a good source in my town), but I like the thought of curtains. The blinds in my new place are cheap!
view JulianH's profile
I'm a warm person who yearns to be a cool person :) Since reading these descriptions in Maxwell's book, I've been doing my weeding on a fairly regular basis, and it does make me feel more balanced afterwards.
I don't think anyone wants to live surrounded by clutter, anymore than people want to live in a cold, lifeless place. But our tendencies in one direction or the other can go too far without us noticing at first, because we either see objects as being memorabilia, or useful, or a burden, or a distraction. So we need a little nudge to remind us that there is a middle ground where we have just the right amount of things to make our lives easier and happier, no more, no less.
The first thing I always do when looking at the Smallest, Coolest Apartment entries is to see if I can figure out whether the owner is a warm or cool person. If I can't tell, I think they must be doing something right :)
view stringy's profile
Interesting, re-reading this. (A different account of Diana and Carl and Julia are in the book. I noticed the dust bunnies have moved from the under the bed to the couch. No matter. I suppose they would crawl!)
The husband is a cool--I think. He has clutter because if it is on the shelf, we have "room" for it, don't we? And it takes a lot of energy to move it. (I'm thinking here of boxes and boxes of useless paperbacks stored in the basement). I know I'm warm, because MY boxes and boxes of useless paperbacks are on shelves!
Trumystique--I'm so glad you took photos. My mom and I started decluttering her place with a vengeance about three, four months ago now and she's still walking around, muttering, "too much clutter, too much stuff...." We didn't take photos, but I wish we had--I could just pull them out and show her how much she's done--a well-deserved pat on the back.
The REALLY nasty thing about warm people and clutter? Over time, that clutter robs you of your relationships. The house gets too messy, or too difficult to clean up to have friends over.
Clutter robs your joy.
view Alana in Canada's profile
My guess is that most people drawn to the Cure are "warm" people... even though "cool" people need it just as much.
Maxwell (or other AT staff) - have you noticed your clientele leaning more heavily to one side or the other, or is it 50/50?
view betsbillabong's profile
Interesting hypothesis, betsbillabong -- are more "warm" people drawn to the Cure because they're attracted by the early decluttering aspect, or are "warm" people just more willing to post about it because posting is another aspect of relating, which they do? Or do "warm" people just make longer posts, so there seem to be more of them?
For contrast, the husband and I are probably both lean cool. What I like about Maxwell's entire approach is that he attends to emotional aspects of home that I'd ordinarily be tempted to neglect.
view wende in the twin cities's profile
I think one big difference is that "warm" people tend to think it is very important to express their personalities through their homes. On occasion I have been a guest at large suburban homes that, although fully furnished and clearly often used for entertaining, have no artwork of any kind (even family photos), no plants, and no rugs. (And no books, but don't get me started on that.)
For someone like me these homes seem very impersonal and like the people just moved in; but the people who lived there clearly felt they had everything they needed to enjoy their homes and were happy with things as they stood. For some "cool" people, artwork, objets, flowers, etc. may ultimately seem like useless clutter. Of course, those people are probably not likely to spend much time on this site!
view eeeck's profile
What's with the Clinton analogy? That was a head-scratcher, out of place in this story.
view mrminq's profile