apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

We have an almost 9-month-old. I would say that you might be ok, w/o a separate room of the baby, until he/she is about 3 months old. We had separate room the whole time, until we started house construction when he was about 6 months old. Now, we all sleep in the former and future dining room. Almost 3 months later and a teething baby, nobody is sleeping very well. YMMV.

should read: "w/o a separate room FOR the baby,"

If you provide a good HOME for the baby, the rest will work itself out. Most of the world, including our fellow countrymen in the Gulf states at this moment, does not have the luxury of pondering this question. And plenty of New Yorkers deal with this every day: my baby sister and her husband and daughter are in a one bedroom and dealing with it -- for now -- because of a great rent. My middle brother and his wife were stuck in a 1-bedroom with 2 kids during the early 90's housing slump (that was after the last housing bubble, for those who don't study history!)

My advice to you is to ignore what "the Joneses" say about your living arrangement and work it out in your own time, based on your own family's needs.

Maybe by the time your child is 1 or 2 there will be a fire sale on McMansions! LOL!

OK, I'm a non-parent, but I know my parents lived in a small "one-bedroom" trailer with a baby (me) for the first three years. Based on photographs it was certainly no more than 400 sq. ft, probably less. By their accounts it was quite satisfactory, while they saved and planned for a house. Not knowing how your current space is filled, you may need to do some re-prioritizing of the use of your space. My point, I guess, is you can certainly make do nicely with the space you have for awhile, but start planning for a couple years down the road.

I don't have a kid, but I've seen couples with kids in the city, and it seems to me that basically, if you're going to have one child in the city, you're going to need to have at least a two-bedroom at least by the time they hit puberty, so the kid AND the parents can have a little privacy. Neither of you should be camping out in the living room, really.

Developmental stages of various ages are fairly predictable, so it's not impossible to plan for them, although it may be hard to let yourself think about them growing up, and it's probably not so easy coordinating buying the next-door apartment from that neighbor who might not be necessarily moving at the right for your finances.

But seriously, some actual parents need to comment now. Yes? Do I see a hand in the back? Yes, you!

My 2 cents: I may be spoiled having grown up with enough space for everyone, so my advice is to get some sort of living arrangement that provides enough space for all, including space to get away from things. Sanity would demand it.

That said, the people who posted above are right: it is possible, and indeed more common than not throughout the world, for families to live in small quarters.

Good luck!

Our baby is still sleeping with us at 6 months, and has slept through the night (apart from waking a couple times a night to nurse) from the first week she was here. And don't forget there are literally billions of people in the world living in similar (or worse) arrangements.

We will probably move her out to her own bed fairly soon, but this setup has been great so far. I thought having a baby would be much more difficult.

Now if you want to put the baby in a crib, and get a rocking swing, and all the other stuff that Babies R Us says you need, &c., then 400ft^2 is too small.

I agree with Scott on the overbought/under used stuff from Babies R Us. Keeping it basic helps in small space. On Small Space Big Style there was a NY family with the same space issues and they did a great job. Maybe that particular episode will rerun.

Okay, I'll jump in (and try to make this about apartments and not too much about personal parenting styles).

Babies don't really need their own room. In fact, in many parts of the world, shunting your child off to a dark room alone is considered inhumane.

My daughter is 2.5 years old and we've always lived in one bedroom apartments. When she was an infant, it was just easier for us to have her in the same room so she could be fed/changed/calmed and we could go right back to sleep and it was easier for her because she didn't have the scream the house down to get my attention at 3am.

Kids continue to need "nighttime parenting" long after they cease being tiny infants as well and I think the fact that my daughter has always been able to wake up in the middle of the night and know she's safe and not alone has gone a long way towards her being a well-adjusted kid.

It's only just now that's almost three (and has a considerable amount of toys/games/etc now) that we're starting to think she needs her own room -- not so much for sleeping but for the fact that she could set up her train tracks/doll hospital/tent in her own space and not feel as though she needs to pack it up every night.

My husband and I lived in a small apartment with 2 kids. When we moved, our daughter was 3 and my stepdaughter was 12.

We had a sleeper sofa in the living room and gave all the bedroom space to the kids.

You can stay where you are for a LONG while - even if you have another kid. We know a lot of people who do it. And the benefit of everyone being on top of each other is that 1) you all have to learn to get along and 2) you get outdoors a whole bunch more than if you had tons of space.

You have to give your baby the bedroom after you stop co-sleeping which you may as well do if you breastfeed. You'll still be able to have friends over after 7pm if you do that and you'll have privacy once your child is asleep.

I suggest, however, that when you give the baby the bedroom, that you get a murphy bed for yourself rather than a pull out sofa. It's probably more comfortable than a sleeper sofa and it's really annoying to take your bed apart every day.

No kids, but from a big family:

I would say that you should be fine until the kid hits two or three. The real challenge will be baby-clutter, not the baby. Toys are good, but billions of toys are just silly; the kid only gets attached to a few. Especially when they're very little, color is as entertaining as "stuff."

Similarly, you do need a highchair but you don't need a changing table. Nobody needs a swing *and* a doorway-bouncer *and* a walker and *and* a cradle *and* a crib, no matter who is trying to sell you on it.

Based on the comments it seems that the AT philosophy of "Small is good" is being applied here as well. Less "stuff" will make the space workable even with a baby.

Being a single parent in NYC, here are a few scenarios that I had while my wee tot was growing up.

In a dorm room and her bed was the top shelf in a closet (she was 2), fabric panel kept the dorm mattress from falling out. It was a great tunnel, with openings for her to peek out, and found a library ladder for access.

When she was 4, I had another dorm room we shared a 150sf room. I put on a crib mattress on top of a desk that was folded out and I in a futon on the floor.

For the past ten years we are in a 500sf studio den. She has the den, with a full size loft bed. I have a fold out couch in the living room. She is now 18 and doing well.

Not a parent, but I think you could comfortably pull it off (depending on your space configuration) until the baby is 2 or 3. After that, it may become more challenging, but can certainly be done. I read somewhere about a NY family that put a small playhouse in their living room. That was basically the toddler's bedroom, which I thought was pretty creative.

As someone who is about to give birth any day now I would say, for the first few months you really want the baby to be sleeping as close as possible to where you are anyway, what with the two hourly feedings and diaper changes. After the baby is at the walking/talking/cluttering stage you may want to dedicate a space to him/her that can be closed off so you don't have to pack away all his/her bits and bobs every time you have company or anytime you want the place to feel serene. At which juncture I think you'll end up giving the baby your bedroom and you'll end up in the living room. Until then I think you'll be fine. Of course, this situation can continue for the long term but you may want a second bedroom for yourselves. Good luck in the remainder of your pregnancy!

Reef

To tell people living in Manhattan "many people around the world live in worse conditions" is completely besides the point. People living in Manhattan are priveliged to a certain degree, and they make choices about space and economics that would be absurd anywhere else in the world.

When you have a baby, your priorities about space change. If you are a childless couple, paying $3,000/month for a one bedroom apartment with close proximity to Starbucks and Barneys might be worth it. Once you have a child, space rises much higher on the list of priorities for most people.

I have some friends who live in a floor-through in the West Village - it's basically two rooms and a bathroom - with three kids. I think they are out of their minds. For the same monthly living costs they could have much more space in many other neighborhoods.

After my daughter was born two years ago we moved from a large one-room loft in Chinatown to an entire Brownstone in Harlem. Best choice I ever made. Sure I have to get on the subway to go to the movies, but if we were still in one room I would have gone insane. And I never get to go to the movies anymore anyway! Which raises another point... you will be spending much more time at home once you have a kid, so you'll want to make your home the best - and the most spacious - it can be.

A friend of mine got this great folding travel crib/changing table/storage unit for their baby. I don't remember the name of the brand, but it seemed like a tremendously useful, multipurpose thing to have, especially in a small space.

I also remember some years back reading a profile of a Manhattan family who didn't want to give up their great, albeit tiny, apartment, so they converted a closet into a mini-bedroom for the baby. They admitted that they'd have to move eventually, but that at least they could put it off for 2 or 3 years.

You'll probably be OK for a while, I'd guess, if you're organized.

I'd go nuts if I had to sleep in the living room. I think that once the little tyke can walk you'll want a separate room for him.

Many people around the world may live with less space. I, however, would far prefer to live more comfortably.

I have plenty of friends who stayed in their studio apartments with babies. It all comes down to what you can live with and afford. We kept our baby in our bedroom until it was two anyway so I think a one bedroom is fine for at least a couple of years.

I agree with what everyone above has written. Please please ignore all the suggestions you'll get about baby gear. We got all of it at our shower and it's just sitting in a corner taking up space now. Things you'll definitely need:

-place for baby to sleep (there are options other than a crib) Invest in a good pack n' play that can be used as a changing table and bed for the baby up until about 2 years old. Plus you can take it with you.

-highchair when the baby is old enough. Again, go with the travel option. Get one of those chairs that hooks onto the table edge. It will take up less space, and, again, you can take it with you. Plus, it's easier to store in a closet or under the bed when not in use.

-swing. Not necessary, but got me through the first few months with my daughter, who would only sleep in it. Again, not all kids like these, so try out a friend's before you buy one. Also, go for the small fold-up travel ones. Our Fisher Price is about 3 feet tall, folds completely flat and can be taken with us on the go to visit family.

The only other thing I can recommend is to be strict with yourselves and others about what toys the baby can have. You'll find yourself overwhelmed with them all soon enough. And honestly, the baby will become bored before the batteries can go dead. Instead, choose some really well-made quality pieces that you like and can grow with baby: wood blocks, puzzles, etc. Think Montessori-type educational toys and it will be your best bet.

Hope this helps! Good luck. You CAN do it.

I don't think it's so much space that's the issue, as it is what kind of family you are (or turn out to be).

In many families, it's perfectly normal to share a room and even a bed with a baby/toddler. Lots of moms share their bed with babies just because it makes breastfeeding so much easier. Some families really appreciate/need/promote this kind of family closeness.

In other families, parents need space and separation from their child/ren. Sometimes parents cannot sleep when they share a room. Sometimes not having one's own, adult/private space can cause a kind of mental or emotional exhaustion.

Either way is totally normal, and you may not know which kind of family you are until you have a child and experience living as parents. I would think if you wanted to hang onto your small space, you could probably manage if you had a contingency plan...something that would at least get you through until you knew whether or not you wanted to make other arrangements (i.e.: a fold-out bed in the living room you could retreat to if you couldn't sleep in the bedroom).

P.S. - I forgot to add that I am not a parent but I work with moms every day at work, and my downstairs neighbour is a single mom in a small, one bedroom apartment. She lived there before she got pregnant, and has shared the space with her son since he was born - he's now three. Sometimes they share the bedroom, sometimes they don't. They seem quite content and show no signs of moving!

When you say the baby sleeps with you, do you mean in your BED? There's an ad campaign in NYC encouraging against babies sleeping in bed with parents because it is dangerous and some babies die when their parents roll over in their sleep and smother them. I understand that's still a debate, but it's something to consider.

I'm glad this question got posted because I've sometimes wondered the same thing-- would I have to give up my apartment if I started a family?

My best friend and her husband moved into inner city LA to work with school programs and at-risk children. They had three kids themselves, and ended up in a 500 sf one-bedroom. They had a fourth child while they were living there. It was pretty hard on them, but they did it cheerfully for a couple years. They slept in an air mattress, and the kids were in the bedroom/office in bunkbeds that some friends built.

I guess my point is pretty much what others are saying: it all depends on your priorities and your living style. It's not wrong to want space, but if other things are more important, then it is certainly doable to live in a small space.

Personally, I think the time when this will get much harder is when the baby is about 8-11 months, and starting to get real mobile. When they can pull themselves up, cruise, and start walking, and you don't have space or a way to cordon them off from parts of the apartment that aren't safe, then you may be constantly pulling them out of harm's way.

And finally, to TOTALLY second the thoughts on toys: I'm the oldest of 8 kids, and I spend a lot of my time with small children and toddlers. A high chair or booster is obviously helpful, and a Boppy if you're going to breastfeed; and a baby lounger or swing is nice for a while, and a few bright, simple toys. Other than that, all they're going to want is your keys and unused tampons anyway (see http://dooce.com). The parent magazines and Baby's R Us make me so mad; they prey on new parents' insecurities and fears to creat anxiety-driven buying. "GOOD parents want to keep their children SAFE. THEREFORE buy this APPROVED thingummy to PROVE that you are a GOOD PARENT."

Sorry. Peeve of mine.

haha. That would be ON an air mattress.

Speaking from experience:
1. Spend as much time as you can making your spaces separate. Get rid of stuff that you don't use. When you do things like buy your diapers in bulk (in my experience this was much cheaper), you need place to put the stuff.
2. Pack n play is the way to go for you. Also, if your BR is small, think about a solid co-sleeper - have someone craft it out for you. The kid will intermittently want you at night for a while. There are all sorts of sleep phases and some are not subject to Ferberization.
3. You can do all sorts of creative stuff to carve out spaces, but you and your partner should make it a priority to have a place in the apt where you can take a break apart from the baby. Lofts, tents, playhouses (I had a friend who did the playhouse thing for 2 years). You and your partner need to have an adult space, and there is nothing wrong with preserving your sense of privacy.
4. As you go through this exercise, think about how much you are going to spend converting/building/babyproofing the apt. If you don't have fab rent, this might be a good opportunity for you to evaluate your choice of digs.
5. I guess you could last a few years in that sized space, longer if you can invest in storage devices (like the AT cabinet/floor system) that keep stuff out of your hair. Babies have a lot of accompanying gear and not much of it fits well into adult decor, notwithstanding expensive stores to the contrary. There is only so much you can do with formula, diapers, wipes, etc., all of which is usually much cheaper when bought in bulk.

good luck

YOu can buy a beautiful wooden co-sleeper at ecobaby.com

I'd say it really depends on your baby, and you won't know what kind of personality and habits the little nipper has till she or he pops out.

Our baby Sam sleeps in our bed, which is fantastic for nighttime sleeping, but daytime sleeping poses its own problems, since Sam is a phenomonally light sleeper. We're not especially noisy people, but there's absolutely no way he could have his daytime naps in the same room with us as we go about our normal business. And let me tell you, my little dude NEEDS his naps in order to maintain his sparkling personality. So for us, a separate room is a necessity.

YMMV. If you're lucky, you may get one of those nigh-mythical babies who can sleep through anything.

As far as all the assorted baby furniture and gewgaws go, I agree with the other posters. Other than diapers, babies just don't need that much stuff. Sam is five months old, and all his little toys fit in a basket the size of a large shoebox. He has three drawers filled with clothes and linens.

Oh, crap. I forgot to mention the stroller. Yeah, it's a beast. People may tell you that you don't need one, and you can make do with a baby carrier. Which is possible, unless, like me, you're a petite woman with a Brobdingnagian baby. The baby carrier stopped being an option for me once Sam topped 20 lbs and his dangling feet started hitting me mid-thigh. I need a stroller. You may, too. Again, there's no way of knowing till your baby arrives.

This hasn't been the most helpful post, has it? All I can recommend is this: be flexible. Have a plan. Have a back-up plan. And then have a contingency plan for your back-up plan. Then be prepared to bail on all three plans. This is probably good advice about parenting in general.

I spent 6 years on a 30' sailboat cruising around the world with two children (at start of trip 6 mons & 3 yrs). Two adults and 2 children in a small boat and we all survived beautifully. The key is to simplify - due to the storage challenges we only had a few toys for each child which both cherished and still have as full grown adults now. It amazes me how much stuff people accumulate to amuse children - most of it is stuff that duplicates household items (play kitchen set, play teaset, play vacuum, play mop, and on and on). My children did not have a play kitchen set - they played with our normal pots and pans and dishes. For a play mop we used the plunger handle on the mop head and they "swabbed" the decks.

Being together in such a small space for such a long time made us a very close family. Living so close to my children forged a lasting bond.

You will be fine in your space - enjoy your baby - you are in for the biggest and best adventure of your life :)

i've lived in a 350 sq ft east village studio with my husband and daughter for the past 2.6 years. we're moving out now. it's definetley doable. she coslept and then did the packnplay thing but it's hard to be intimate.def not for everyone, but we survived.

Yep, IN the bed. I admit it sounds like a stupid idea until you actually try it. Most of the incidents that do happen are caused by going to bed blind drunk, which is why the Man discourages it.

If you're highly risk averse, they make all kinds of pillows and bumpers and things that you can put in the bed to eliminate the chance of anything happening. I've never so much as elbowed our baby in the night. Somehow you just know she's there, even while you're dead asleep. The rest of it is just common sense- don't put the baby up against the wall, keep their head clear of covers, etc. Suffocation is probably more likely to happen in a crib away from adults, and the rollover / crushing risk is just not an issue for most people.

You'll find it easier if you get a co-sleeper in your bedroom (http://www.armsreach.com/) It means that you will have your space in the bed and your child will have theirs, and they won't be sharing the bed. As for toys, my son loves his ball and the boxes the toys come in more than the expensive toys themselves. Don't worry about that.

Kids even like wooden spoons and a plastic bowl (they hit the bowl with the spoon - actually they prefer metal spoon and pot but the noise is enough to drive you batty)

400 sq. feet is tight, but as long as you have a park nearby and take him/her out regularly you should be comfortable for a few years yet.

The most important thing is a loving home with parents who pay attention to their kids, not the size of the place you live in.

I have to echo Scott that putting the baby in the bed is not much of a risk for responsible (non-drunk) parents. My parents swore by it; they said it reduced the crying almost entirely. The baby reaches out and can feel people, and is reassured.

The main risk was that with me (I was the eldest: by Kid 2 and 3 it was no longer much of an issue) was that my dad would sometimes get edged out of the bed when he was over-cautious with my infant-self. My mom pointed out that a baby doesn't really need more mattress-space than a grown man, and that I was purposely wiggling across the bed to cuddle.

We have a 4-month old in a 600 s.f. one-bedroom and plan on staying here at least 8 more months. It's working out fine! A few things that have worked for us:

The "Mini" Arms Reach Co-sleeper. It's only 24 x 30 inches. Our massive baby is about to outgrow it, but normal sized babies can often get by with this for 6-9 months for sleeping, and then use it as a playpen.

Don't have one, but I've seen "mini" cribs on babycenter.com. They are smaller than the usual ones...

Since you have a separate bedroom, I recommend getting a baby monitor even though your space is small You can close the door of the bedroom while baby is sleeping, and make as much noise as you want in the other room.

If you want a diaper bin, put it in the bathroom. You can get away with NOT having one b/c diapers aren't that stinky until you start solid food.

You don't need a changing table (use the floor, your bed or top of a dresser.)

Don't get a regular high-chair, just a booster seat that straps to a regular chair.

You probably won't have room for an "activity centers" or swings but you can get a bouncy-swing that hangs from a doorway. Also, there are playmats that fold up and store easily under a bed or behind a door.

You'll need more storage--a single dresser is probably enough. You might consider getting a small storage unit to keep stuff that's outgrown or out of season. Before the baby arrived, we scoured our apartment for all non-essential items and put them into storage to make more room.

Even better, make lots of new parent friends so you can swap stuff as you outgrow/don't need it.

We're raising two boys in ~800 square feet, so we're sort of in the same boat (if simple math is to be trusted). If we maintain Negative Crap Flow, we're OK.

My wife and I have friends who had their first daughter while the dad was finishing up his third year of law school, and they were living in student dorms with the mother-in-law. They were a source of great inspiration.

Of course, they've since moved to Seattle and bought a four-bedroom home, so now they totally suck.

Just wanted to second the comments about the boxes being more fun than the toys. Most toys or games have pieces lost in the first 5 minutes. Avoid the electronic stuff at all costs unless its prescribed. There is enough stimuli just looking around, and that stuff takes up space plus you need to have batteries around.

There is a co-sleeper, I think its from Denmark or Norway, maybe Australia that is bigger than the ones I've seen here. Its longer and skinnier and it has two sticks that fit under your mattress, and two legs that support it. Its designed to be wedged between your bed and the wall, and the beauty is, you put the diaper stuff underneath. You access the storage area from the sides, or by lifting a portion of the base. It has a little futon mattress (maybe 3 inches thick?) with the built in incline recommended.

Alizon's experience sounds inspirational. Instead of investing in baby crap, invest in well thought out storage. In a lot of European countries, the only article of furniture in the bedroom is the bed, and one small wall will be composed entirely of storage cabinets, floor to ceiling.

We lived with our firstborn for the first 18 months of her life in small one bedroom apartments in large urban cities. It's definitely doable, and here is how we made it work:

The baby slept in the bedroom where we could shut the door to give her peace and quiet. Regardless of how you feel about co-sleeping and whether you sleep in the same room or not, the fact is the baby is going to sleep more than you, and you need to be able to do things without worrying about waking her. If you live in a loft or efficiency, consider sectioning off part of the room with room dividers and playing white noise or using an infant in a closet or bathroom during naptime.

Use only the minimum amount of gear you can get away with. For us, that included:
*A secure sleeping device (for us we used a playard, others can use a co-sleeper or infant carrier when not sleeping in the bed with the baby). Cribs are not efficient when space is at a premium.
*A baby sling, so you can multitask while carrying the baby.
*Some sort of infant chair: a carrier, a mini-swing, a bouncer, a rocker, whatever. Something portable that you can sit the baby in when you are not able to hold the baby (like when cooking or using the restroom). We bought the Fisher Price Infant-To-Toddler Rocker so she can use it up to age 3 or 4.
*Compact, lightweight stroller. You can use a car seat carrier instead if you have a car seat or infant carrier. If you live in a walk-up or have to use stairs often, consider a stroller that can be converted to a backpack-style infant carrier. It won't be feasible to carry the baby outside all the time in the city, especially after she grows beyond a certain size.
*A car seat, if you own a car or rent one often.

Notice that you could just get an infant car seat/carrier and satisfy all these requirements but the sling, if your baby will sleep in it. Everything else is optional, and should only be obtained if you have space and a heavy need for it. My rule of thumb for toys is she can only have as many toys at any one time as I can put away in 15 minutes, and I also have a finite limit on her clothes. If you are not planning to have any more kids, you should donate anything you baby outgrows right away.

We now live in a large three bedroom apartment, and I sure miss never having the baby more than 20 feet away at any time. I think it's actually easier to live in a smaller space with one baby. However, as #2 is due very soon, that opinion may not apply to more than one baby!

It's funny that you mentioned this. Just 8 months ago, we lived in a 200 square foot studio. Then we decided to move. It was a 'costly' move due to moving costs, breaking the lease. But I think we've done the right thing.

Our 6 month old has a lot of stuff. Certain stuff takes space. If you have a crib, that's space. If you want a high chair, that's space. We have a little rocking chair that keeps him calm down. We have a stroller... it all take space.

We moved in a two bedroom with a washer & dryer in the unit on the upper west side.

If you do stay, you could always rent a storage room someplace and put all your extraneous/seasonal stuff in there to buy you some time.

We had our first kid in a 600 sq foot, one-bedroom apartment. It was great. We co-slept, used a sling for the first nine months and borrowed a pack-and-play for a change table. She had a swing and a bouncy chair. We spent a ton of time at the local cafe and playground. Life was sweet.

We moved when she was fifteen months to a vast apartment - 900 sq foot! Now she has her own room and my partner has a tiny office. Another kid on the way; she'll sleep with us for a while, then they can share.

It helps that we live in a fab San Francisco neighborhood. Home is for sleeping and hanging out; the playgrounds are for playing, the cafes are for working and watching the world go by. One of my closest friends with kids compared our lifestyle with hers, and her 2700 sq foot house in a posh suburb, and decided to sell and buy a smaller place near us.

We live in a 420 sq ft one bedroom apt in Flatiron/Chelsea/Union Square with our (nearly) two-year-old.

For the first nine months, we shared our bedroom with the kid. I'd say that, up to six months, that was workable. Months six through nine were hard for everyone; nobody was getting a good night's sleep. The solution we chose was to move our bed into what was then the dining area, ditch the dining table for a four-seater that could get tucked into the living area, and let the kid have the run of the bedroom. Things improved immediately, sleep-wise.

By the way, the apartment's at the top of a four-story walk-up. Also, the room switcheroo suggestion came from friends of ours in a similar situation (one bedroom at the top of a four-story walk-up), except they have twins!

As for spending more time at home, while I find that's true at night (no going to a movie without also paying for a sitter), I actually found that I spent most of my day with the kid out of the house, running errands or at the playground. Our location (near the Madison Park, Union Square, and Washington Square playgrounds) is part of what keeps us in such a small, expensive place. We've thought of what we could get for our rent in Ft Greene (answer: a lot more space, a second bedroom) but there are tradeoffs in convenient access to services (no small consideration when you have to lug a kid everywhere) and keeping the kid entertained.

Bottom line: a kid in a small one bedroom is totally do-able.

I didn't include this in my original post earlier since it was so long, but we did a room swap like George in our one bedroom to make it effectively a two-bedroom.

We had an open living/dining room, and we used wardrobes as a room divider to section off the dining room to create a bedroom for us. We covered the open doorway between the dining room and the kitchen with a curtain, which made it feel like a big window. With our bed and our "closets" in there, it really felt like a separate room and not like we were "camping out" in the main living area.

In the living room, we only had enough room for a dining table or a desk in addition to the regular living room furnishings, and since we were both finishing up graduate degrees at the time, we went with the desk and ate in the living room. But had that not been the case we could have had kept a real dining area.

The baby got the real bedroom, but it was just a place to sleep and store her gear and supplies - not a traditional nursery in any sense. She mainly stayed in the living room when awake for the first year. After the first year, she didn't need quite so much stuff so we were able to transition it to an area she could also play in.

Bottom line, before they start walking, it is a piece of cake to live in a tiny space. It's after they start walking that you really have to evaluate your setup and make some hard decisions with your place and your things to keep it adequately baby-safe - but even then it's still totally doable if you plan carefully.

One thing that has helped us make the most of a small space is giant hooks. We have one near the ceiling in the bathroom and hang my son's plastic bathtub on that (I bore a little hole in the bottom rim), one in his room that we hang his one piece of Toys R Us crack, a bouncy chair, from. You could also hang a fold-up stroller from one or any other large piece of equipment that you felt was absolutely necessary. We've found it really helps to have stuff off the floor or not jutting off a too-small shelf.

Another thing that helps us is a fold-up changing table. We made ours but you can find them at IKEA too. This leaves the dresser top free for other things.

We also lived in a very small 1BR apartment when our daughter was born. We decided, though, that we stayed for another year before moving on to a 2BR. The first few months were pretty okay. The baby slept in a co-sleeper next to our full-sized bed (we were glad that we didn't fill our tiny bedroom with something crazy like a Queens-sized bed ;-). After a while we realized that she slept much better if she had a room by herself. So we moved into the living room and the baby got our bedroom all for herself.

Once our lease ran out we were very happy that we moved to a bigger place (sadly, we had to say good-bye to the East Village and had to make do with the Upper East Side instead).

The problem with a tiny apartment is that you don't have the space a growing baby needs. Our daughter, for example, was a very late crawler/walker and I blame the lack of space in the apartment. There was just no room for her to practice. Also, the toys took over the entire place and our living room just had enough room for us to sit and eat (and watch TV).

On the plus side, the tinyness of the place made us go outside every single day. Now living in a bigger place I catch myself staying home with the kid because I feel too lazy to do anything.

I too did the same when my son was born. My husband and I lived in a small one-bedroom and were saving for a house. What we did was purchased a comfortable pull out couch and we put our son in the bedroom. Someone made a geat point about buying all the crap you think you might need. Here is basically all we used: we purchased a crib that converts to a bed with drawers on the side and bottom, we never used a high chair, instead we purchased a great fold up booster seat by (I think) the First Years. Also I recommend getting an infant carseat/stroller/sitting chair because they grow out of those so fast it wastes money (and space) buying three separate things.

As our son grew up it was really great to give him a room to play in while we still had an "adult" living room. One thing I did learn was "shelves are your friend". We put them up all over, above doorways, etc.

Good luck with the new baby and Im sure it will all work out.

I'm gonna get in trouble, but... I have to say I completely agree with those who point out that this discussion misses the larger issue that manhattan (even brooklyn) rents, if not rent-controlled, would allow a family to live very comfortably almost anywhere else in the world. I was a step parent and here's what I learned... kids need space. Old-fashioned, space-space. To run in the house, to trip and spill things and, god forbid, have a yard, even a tiny one, they they can go throw a ball or just play in the grass without a planned excursion. In other words, to be a kid. Child younger than two or three? Sure. Stay in the one-bed. But older? You're doing what's best for you, not your child. And I'm just guessing here, but... "people in 99 percent of the world" would move into a larger home with more bedrooms and space for their family in a heartbeat, if they could afford it. Which most people who can afford manhattan rents can.

If you are asking yourself (or us) the question about how much space is "necessary", I suspect you are already concerned that you do not/will not have enough, so I'd let that ultimately guide you to your own answer.

I think it's a highly personal decision, but I'd say it's very difficult to find out that your tolerances are different than the "average" sailboating/one-room living"-tolerant parent... AFTER you have the baby...

If getting more space now makes you more at ease about bringing a new life into the world, then do it in that order, if you can.

my previous neighbors are my heroes. i lived in a lovely old brownstone on the UWS and my amazing neighbors (a mom, dad, and their daughter, who is now 11) live happy, well-adjusted, active, social lives in their 3rd story back-of-the-building studio alcove! mom met dad when she was living there as a single, they married, had a child and still live in the same place. granted, their space was tight, but they did it, and they were truly the most gracious people i think i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. i'm sure it may be tough at times, but they never ever wore it on their sleeves if it was. they are happily married and their daughter is a bright, friendly, sweet child. whenever i ponder this issue for myself (living in a reasonably-sized 1BR), i always think of them and admire how they pulled it off. it can be done.

Very inspiring posts here - we are thinking about adopting an infant/toddler (up to 3 yrs old) and are considering splitting our nicely sized (for the LES) bedroom in two (measures 11 x 17) Has anyone split their room in two with success? If so, with drywall, storage unit, or whatever?We have a window on one side only..

Rest of apt is small (kitchen in living area 12 x 17) and a vestibule at front of apt near entrance 5 x10 that we use as an office...

Good luck with your new baby Agnes !

And, from watching a highly efficient, highly organized co-worker go through this process, studio-living with a baby does present her with scenarios she was not prepared for... as an example... when she has to stay at home sick, how/where does she get rest with a baby and caregiver in the same space?

Now, she is faced with the stress of househunting on top of raising a just-turned-one year old...

It is very possible to have a child and parents in a one bedroom. (We do! It's 625 sq. ft, and we have two storage areas and a place to park.) I think the bigger question is whether it is the right choice for you.

For some people, they want a big yard for their kids, but others might trade that for cheaper rent which allows the kids other things, like classes, a stay at home mom, a closer commute (which allows more time with the parents) or simply parents who can sleep at night because they haven't over extended themselves financially. Since most people are limited by the money they have, the city they live in and the real estate market they are in, the question isn't as easy as 'big house' vs. 'small apartment'. Everyone's got to decide their own priorities, and the priorities for their kids.

As for me, I love our little house because:
1. It's cheap
2. It's near everything (playgroup, buses, shopping)
3. It's easy to clean
4. It forces us to think of others in the family because of our limited space, and I believe helps foster closeness
5. It limits the amount of things we can bring into it, saving us even more money
6. It allows us to live in a neighborhood that we would be pressed to afford if we had to buy a house

Sure, there are drawbacks, but for us, I think we'll always choose a smaller place than we can afford for the above reasons.

The best news is that you don't have to do anything now. Staying where you are is not a decision; moving is. When my daughter was born we were living in essentially 2 rooms (although it was in a pretty big uncompleted house.) We put our daughter's crib in an unused bathroom (it barely fit) and kept the bedroom. Every child/parent relationship is different. When my grandson was born my daughter couldn't keep him in his basssinet in their bedoom because he made so much noise sleeping. Some children sleep anywhere; some children sleep nowhere (like my grandson.) Stay where you are, get to know your baby and his/her personality will tell you if and when you need more space.

We have some extra room our my apartment and wanted o erect a wall or some sort of architectural treatment that would double as cool feature and child's room. We own and it's a condo but no one could afford a "proper" two-bedroom. Would love to hear some design solutions.

I would advise you to watch your moods through the process. I just recently moved into house from an apartment, because I was feeling that our apartment, although sufficient for survival, was suffocating. The apartment I was in was 600sq ft (huge, I know!), and my previous space was a fraction of that...Why the sudden urge to have some space? I can't say. But I can tell you that with a little room to spare, I feel tons better about basically everything in my life. Odd, I know. The moral is this: Your reaction to space is not something anyone else can predict or know; some people live in single rooms their entire life and love it, but that doesn't mean it's for you. Unless of course, it is. Really, follow your gut- it's all doable, but only you and your partner know how important having some more space is, versus staying where you are. Pay attention to if you start getting extra territorial in your space- if so, you could probably stand a little more room. Good luck deciding! (oh, not a parent, but oldest of 7 kids, and nearly always slept with the babies. Nice for bonding, bad for REM. Obviously)

As a mother of two beautiful boys (2 yrs & 4 mnths) I understand the need to have them close to you, ...but you have to think of your own relationship, SEX, is a very important part of your relationship and it may be okay with a baby next to you but when the child is nearing 2 or 3 years old, it's really not very healthy for them to witness or hear you having sex. Bottom line is you & your partner need separate space from you child.

madeline, I worry about this exactly. i feel selfish thinking it, but I worry about our relationship as a couple and how it will suffer due to sharing a room with a new baby. It's our first and we're very much newlyweds ourselves and I'm due in 4 months. We live in a 2 bedrm now but are planning to move across the country once the baby is about 2-3 months to a bigger place. So right now we have an empty room, we're paying for. We are thinking about moving into a one-bedrm and saving $300/mo in the meantime. I worry about our sex life, our relationship and just feeling crowded. Any comments?

I just read somewhere that if you have love in your home love will make everthing fit...our child is due in May and we will be staying in our 1 bedroom apartment for at least a year - in this day and age is is very hard to purchase a house at these prices and living on LI does not make it easier...but I am going to believe in love will make things fit and that the three of us will be fine - I am sure my anxiety will arise once in awhile regarding the fit but at least I know our home will be a warm one and that is more then I can say in regards to alot of our friends who live in homes with three bedrooms but a lack love....

Move out when you can, before the baby is 1years old Get a small 2bedroom. Do NOT have the baby sleep with you - in a crib is ok - but not with you - this leads to problems with getting your kids to sleep later in life.

when our doughter was born we moved back to chicago and i had to stay with her at my parents one-bedroom basement apartment (we slept on fulton in livingroom),while my husband was working and saving money,so we can get out own place...because of financial situation a studio apartament-hey,you can be perfectly happy anywhere as long as you will put your kids on a first place and make sure they got everything they need-EVEN IN A SMALL PLACE CAUSE ITS NOT ABOUT THAT AT ALL!

I am so glad that I found this discussion. I am due in August and my husband (who will be a third year Law student when she is born) and I just bought our one-bedroom condo last summer. We are fortunate that we have both a dining room and a living room. We are planning to stay here until he graduates and won't feel pressure to move until the baby is a year or so. That gives us some time before we start needing our own space. Worst case scenario is moving the crib into the dining room during adult sleeping hours and the baby having the bedroom (with a monitor)while we are awake. I am planning to do a small oval crib by Stokke, use a changing pad on top of the dresser in lieu of a changing table and turn our small bedroom closet into baby central with shelves or a small bureau(for diapers, the Diaper Genie, bath time stuff, clothes, blankets, etc). We're fortunate that we have three other closets to use (two are in the l/r) and storage in our basement. Is it optimum? Maybe not. Would I rather have a nursery? Yes, but ultimatley, I know it will all work out. It may feel cramped at times, but eventually we'll move into a larger place and probably reminisce wistfully about the days when she was just a little one in our first little place.

Best of luck, my opinion, it'll all work out.

This would be a good question to post in a developing nation. "What is the smallest apartment that you think a couple can live in when having a baby?"

I am not a parent, but as someone who grew up without any meaningful space (I am talking 5 people in under 700 square feet) I would not have a child in a one bedroom aparetment. In fact, we're waiting to have a child until we can afford a house, even though we're currently living in a 1000 sq. foot 2 bedroom condo. There's no one right solution, but to me space means sanity, and sanity is more important than anything else. I would not be able to enjoy a nice neighborhood if I was miserable inside my home. I am also surprised that so few people mentioned sex. How do you do it with in a 400 sq foot studio with a couple kidlets running around?

Worldwide, something like 70-80 percent of parents share a bed with their child at least part of the time, according to Parents As Teachers. It's very common in the US, too, but many parents are ashamed to admit it. There's certainly nothing wrong with it. I've never smothered any pets who slept in a bed with me, so I certainly wouldn't worry that I was going to smother my child.