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I am totally in favour of shoes-off at home, for parties or any other social occasion.

Wearing shoes inside homes is stupid.

Having grown up in Minnesota I recall frequent family holiday parties where guests immediately left their snowy & wet shoes or boots by the door. It seemed to be a necessity. If you have warm floors or soft carpets it doesn't seem like too much of an imposition. Another concern is the sometimes fashionable spikey heeled shoes which can easily damage carpet or flooring.

Reminds me of a very early episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm"...

I don't think it is very nice to hold a party and then demand that your guests walk around with no shoes on. You want to look your best at a party and shoes are part of the package as far as I am concerned.

I also don't like to go to anyone's house where they walk around in slippers or socks all the time. If you are that concerned about your carpeting, get rid of it and get some hardwood floors. They look better anyhow.

Which brings me to this point... The homes where people usually walk around with no shoes on are generally the ones that have that same awful wall-to-wall beige carpeting that you see in every god awful, mediocre, boring home in America. It is not like these people are trying to protect antique rugs.

With that said, party at my place tonight. You are all invited and please wear your best shoes :)

But what about instances when you buy stupendous shoes specifically to wear to the party?? They really aren't as cute when they're piled next to the front door. I'm 5'2", and I would feel odd without my heels in a social setting!

I think the polite thing to do would be for the host to announce the no-shoe policy on the invitation so that guests may plan ahead. And provide slippers. Some people don't like how their feet look or - like my dad - are diabetic and cannot remain barefoot due to circulation/sensitivity issues.

I go barefoot or socked most of the time at home, but I can't imagine having my guests remove their shoes. (Except for this past weekend, when I did my OCD double carpet-cleaning.)

Up in Canada it's totally expected in winter, and no one gives it s second thought. Ultimately, the Japanese got it really right on this one -- the bottoms of shoes are truly disgusting, especially in this city where you are walking on dog pee and greasy sidewalks in front of restaurants, etc.

People here, however, DO get really uptight about removing their shoes in other folks' homes (my partner for one . . .), but my take on it is that it's your house, so it's your rules. I would never question such a request in someone else's house.

There's that episode of "Sex in the City," where Carrie goes to her friend's kid's birthday party and everyone has to take off their shoes to protect the kids from getting infested with germs. Carrie leaver her Manolos at the door with the heap of other shoes and when she's leaving, they're of course gone. The mom, Carrie's friend who she's given oodles of presents to for weddings, showers, births, etc, doesn't want to pay Carrie for her extravagantly priced shoes.

Oh yeah, the reason the friend doesn't want to pay for the shoes is that she doesn't want to support Carrie's extravagant single lifestyle.

Okay, this makes me furious. Irrationally furious, but furious. It is very controlling and inhospitable. If I were *required* to take my shoes off at someone's house, I'd never go back. Suck up the "shoes are dirty" excuse--everything is dirty! You don't want to know where my hands have been!

And for the record, I live in a cold climate where people do commonly take off boots and socks to avoid tracking in mud and snow. And I do understand and appreciate the necessity of that But in summer? In dry weather? Not necessary, and rude. And for a party? No.

My family doesn't wear shoes at home generally, and I agree, it does make a difference in terms of keeping things clean.
That said, guests are guests. I just think it seems wrong to impose any sort of 'rules' regarding shoes upon invited guests at a party. One of a host's main goals should be to have their guests relax and enjoy themselves. I would leave it up to the individual, absolutely.

I have a disability and large group or small my shoes never come off. I often feel uncomfortable in groups where everyone else is without shoes. If you have a party you need to accept the fact that people will be in your home with shoes. Get a doormat people.

C'mon. Somewhere out there there's a message board for Sex and the City fans, and that's where this belongs. I somehow doubt that Lahat even had this experience herself. Maybe next time I'll read about someone whose boyfriend wanted to pee on her in the bathtub, and she's really posting that on Apartment Therapy because she wants to know if repeated peeings would start to leave a grime ring in her nice white tub, and, if so, would any of the peeps at AT have suggestions for getting out said grime ring?

Long time reader, first time commenter--but this issue is one that is near and dear to me. I agree with Frank on this one: your house, your rules.

Is it really such an imposition to ask someone to remove their shoes when entering your home? As long as it's done politely, I don't see why it should be such a big deal.

I think people are forgetting that different people come from different cultures with different norms. I grew up in Korea, where everyone takes their shoes off, no matter what, and the apartments are built with little depressed areas for shoes and such by the door. I still keep my shoes off, even though I have mainly hardwood floors, and not crap beige carpets. When I have small groups of friends over, they all know that I prefer shoes off and they comply. When I have a party, I take a deep breath and then clean like a banshee afterwards. Would you be so offended if a host asked you not to smoke inside her home?

People who require shoes off at the door should just not have guests over.
Part of having a party IS THE CLEANUP AFTERWARDS.

So the host has to vacuum. BFD.

I find it irritating when people do this, especially at parties. There's a reason I put on a swishy dress and heels when I go to a party - it's because they make my legs look hot. bare feet in panty-hose - not so much.

If I can go to the trouble of shaving my legs and dressing up for your party, you can clean your damn carpets. sheesh

I hardly think this is comparable to smoking - no one has ever died of second-hand foot grime. But the odor of sweaty feet - that's even worse that cigarette smoke. lol!

hmm, im on the fence here. i am in total agreement with want to have people take off their shoes, but i HATE being in sock feet at someone elses house. i say if you are going to require people to take off their shoes, provide them with those fabulous felt slippers that martha makes
http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=channel192546
labor intnsive sure, but a fabulous way to start everyone off on the same foot (ugh!) and remedy the bare/stocking/sock foot that no one likes in a big crowd.

I hate when people make me take off my shoes. It's like.. look, I am not dirty. I will wipe my feet. You let your cat sit on your white sofa, and you're serving wine in here, but I can't wear shoes on the carpet? Ridiculous. It makes me really uncomfortable.

When I have guests over I want them to be relaxed and enjoy themselves at my place, not follow some strict sort of rule. I can always vacuum or sweep when they leave.

We take our shoes off in our home but never for a party. My god! The only exception is a kids party. I don't mind bossing 20 five year olds around.

Altho I do take up my white runners and my light dhurrie rug. Easy enough to do and they really do get dirty

The minute I read this it reminded me of the episode of "Sex and the City"...classic!

I think that when you have a party, it is so tough to ask people to take off thier shoes. If people are worried about dirt, then why serve food and wine and "other" things that might make your home dirty. What about sauces,oil, and red wine that could do more damage than some dirt on the floor.

Honestly it does not make sense to me.

At my home in Los Angeles I ask my friends to please take their shoes off when they come in (most of the time they are in flip flops), but NOT at a party...come on!

USE SOME HUMOR - if you can't handle the thought of multiple guests tracking icky street muck through your apartment from one end to the other (despite you hardwood floors - I'm speaking to you city folks here, who KNOWS what you stepped in on the way to my house).

Last winter I had a party during a blizzard which all of my guests walked through to get to my apartment. So, I politely posted a "SOCK PARTY!!!" sign on my door. Although a few people grumbled at first, most of the guests didn't seem to mind, and I just gave the others some extra alcohol.

In fact, it was so easy that I considered posting a 'sock party warning' on the invite to a party I recently hosted. It seemed only fair to let guests plan their socks (or lack of) into their outfits.

So yes, I agree - MY HOUSE, MY RULES :)
At least I tried to be funny about it.

I'm a native of Upstate New York who automatically took her shoes off at the door, anyone's door, in all weather.

But now, I'm old and have cold feet all of the time (even with shoes and wool socks) and absolutely have to have arch supports. The only slippers I can wear are LL Bean shearling clogs; good thing I'm out of the party circuit!

Organizedhome.com has talked about this a *lot*, both the personal-values aspect (for lack of a better term) and the logistical aspect.

If you attend said friends functions in the past, regardless of size, and have been asked to remove your shoes, I feel you should be prepared to remove your shoes at larger functions as well.

It's the tiny pebble affixed to the bottom of one of a guests shoe that drags across the hardwood floors, which makes them regret throwing the party in the first place.

Naturally, at said parties one would suppose would rarely involve formal-wear. (a tux with no shoes?) Our in house solution for throwing formal parties is to rent out a 3rd party facility.

Also keep in mind the filth that touches the bottom of someones shoes in the city(no details), and then to have that interact with their carpets. Moreover, what if said friends had a small child? I think of the possibilities to spread disease.

With the proliferation of radiant heat systems...who would want to keep their shoes on anyways?

From me of me inc--"Also keep in mind the filth that touches the bottom of someones shoes in the city(no details), and then to have that interact with their carpets. Moreover, what if said friends had a small child? I think of the possibilities to spread disease."

If the small child has such a fragile constitution, I have to wonder what the parents are doing a)living in the city b) exposing it to people at all and c)if they are homeschooling to kee it inside its plastic bubble.

This was discussed on a previous thread, by the way; I'm not good at searching for them, but it didn't get quite this shrill of a discussion.

Anyway...it's about comfort level. I think that there is always a responsibility on the part of the host and the guest to be as polite and gracious and grateful as possible. The host is being grateful for people taking time out of their day to drag themselves there instead of whatever else might be happening and happy that people want to be there. The guest is being grateful for being invited, and wants to behave in such a way as to be invited back, in case he ends up having a good time and wants to be.

So, if you're asked to take off your shoes, try it! It might not be so bad! But if it ends up not being a fun party (because of that or whatever else), silently promise yourself not to be available for the next one.

If you're hosting, a little warning on the invitation might not go amiss. If people are going to decline an invitation because of it, then you have spared both of you an uncomfortable evening! You can spend some other time with them elsewhere, right?

Because whenever you go into anyone's home, there will always be things that make their home theirs, and it's not a bad idea to try to come with a fairly open mind, just in case. And some visitors are more comfortable in stockinged feet anyway.

If it's summer and people are wearing sandals, when they take them off their feet (or socks if they're male German tourists) will be kind of dirty anyway.

I promise I will take my shoes off if asked to, but actually, I really agree with the idea that at most parties, shoes can be a really key piece of the outfit. And I agree with New Tenant about the sweaty feet; it's really just a different flavor of disgusting.

Pick your battles. Pick your guests. Pick which invitations you accept. But watch the tone of voice, regardless.

Fascinating!

Dear Host Afraid of Dirt and Unspeakable City Foot Grime in the Apt:

Get a doormat.

Hugs,
Me

This is interesting, and seems largely to depend on what people are used to. I grew up in a "shoes off" household and all of my friends' and relatives' homes were the same. I immediately remove my shoes in other people's homes, without prompting, because I actually feel uncomfortable indoors with shoes on. I was [privately] surprised when visiting friends in the U.K., where people seem much more likely to wear shoes indoors.

It's not so much that I am concerned about dirt and whatnot (although that is a part of it) but more that I consider shoes almost as belonging to the outdoor/public sphere. To wear shoes indoors at someone else's home feels like sitting down at a dinner party still wearing my winter coat.

Having said all that, I wouldn't insist upon shoe removal when hosting a party, unless it was really wet outside. But virtually all guests remove their shoes when they visit us, no prompting necessary.

- When an American host requests the removal of shoes (or anything for that matter) those who are gracious will kindly oblige.

- When an asian host requests the same, it would be culturally insensitive not to oblige. (For those of you not in the know, it would also be rude to show up without a gift.)

- Wine, sauces, or even an indoor cat are simply not at the same level of disgustingness as what can be stepped in on the streets and in the subways of NYC.

- In any event, when you are invited into someone's home, it is not your place to impose your standards on them.

- More and more people I know living in urban environs are instituting a shoes off policy. One day we will watch in disbelief at the episodes of Sex in the City and Curbed Your Enthusiasm where people who require shoes to be off are made fun of.

When living up North it was a given to take off your shoes during the winter especially when there has been snow. Now down South where every apartment has carpet as the standard I would love to tell people to take off their shoes on rainy days. Everyone just get put off. When I had wood floors, sweeping and mopping wasn't a big deal. Carpet has to be professionally done. Overall it's not a big deal to be asked to take off my shoes. Mom's advise to always wear good clean anything because you never know is so true.

There was a related situation on "Seinfeld" when George's father wouldn't take his shoes off in his former Korean girlfriend's home because of a foot odor problem...

I agree with Jaimie, though. It's not so much about the dirt and germs, but it's a comfort thing. As a party host, I know for certain that there will be messes, crumbs, spills, etc. That's just part of the package. But growing up in a shoe-less home, I want the same for my apt. And I think part of being a host allows you to set the terms of the party [e.g. costume parties, theme parties] since it IS your home after all.

_"If the small child has such a fragile constitution, I have to wonder what the parents are doing a)living in the city b) exposing it to people at all and c)if they are homeschooling to kee it inside its plastic bubble.-"

I'll just say it...that stench on bowry st...would you want it living in your carpet?

By small child I meant..small child (under a year old) as in the sort that crawls about and sticks anything it can find in to it's mouth. ( I hope you can see where I'm going with this)

That being said, if I had children, I wouldn't have them grow up in the city. I'd go proper domestic/over protective. (It's one of the few things I feel one really can't afford to fuck up)

The other thread where this was discussed is here:
http://apartmenttherapy.com/ny/011806/open-threads/open-thread-121-005913
And, yep, ppl were much less shrill in that thread.

We take our shoes off when we come home but whenever we have thrown large parties in the past, have never asked anyone to take their shoes off.

I think what was done wrong in the the case that Lahat brought up was that there was no warning in the invitation that shoes off would be required. That is rude and inconsiderate of the hosts.

Curtis sums it up the best IMO.

BTW, welcome back me of me. I was wondering if you would ever come back and post on AT.

I agree with Jamie pup that if you are going to do this, at the very least, warn people. I once went to a bridal shower, and--surprise!--ended up having to take off heels and walk barefoot, with pasty white winter feet with no pedicure on a cold floor. It was hard to overcome those feelings of crankinesss.

Personally, I feel this is a horrendous custom for a party--just mop the floor later!--but a warning would make it better.

I think if the host wants shoes off at the door then you should respect their wishes. It's their house. However, a good host should have enough slippers for all of the guests so they don't have to walk around barefoot or in socks if they don't want to.

By the way, I've always been puzzled about how sweaty feet are somehow cleaner?

I have been the hostess asking for the shoes to come off. Here's why: old lead paint notwithstanding, the biggest source of lead inside the home is ... YOUR SHOES. that's what walking around all day in diesel fumes will do to you. Now, I ain't laying awake at night thinking about lead poisoning, but I do reside in an industrial neighborhood next door to several auto shops, do have dust/pollution allergies, and do live with someone who regularly works with/stands in industrial chemicals. Everybody coming inside my house is tracking that crap in!

I throw fun parties with good food and lotsa booze--if they have to be casual, shoefree fetes, so what? "Everybody is happy if nobody wears shoes," is the sign I post.

"That being said, if I had children, I wouldn't have them grow up in the city."

Me of me, they would be ok in the city. My kids cuddle up with the F train poles and lie down on Brooklyn sidewalks to see what's living under the garbage bags. They have touched pigeons.

We never get sick. Ever.

If we start making people remove their shoes at parties, I'm afraid we'd be starting down the path that leads to toilet seat covers in the home and purse-sized antibacterial handwash.

Let the people have their shoes.

A party, no matter how informal, is still a formal social interaction. I feel extremely uncomfortable padding around in sock feet in someone else's house, and I think it's obvious that at a medium or large-sized social gathering, most people are dressed to impressed. Taking off one's shoes is decidedly counter to that, no matter how you slice it.

To those who are concerned about the "dirty" bottoms of shoes inside a house--I cannot stress how intensely I think you need to Get Over It. Worrying about grime or germs from people's shoes is really obsessive, and this comes from a person who is, admittedly, fairly obsessive already. Are you also the type of people who worry about sitting on subway seats? Eating street food?

RELAX. Compliment everyone's stylish kicks, buy some carpet cleaner, and take some vitamins. This is New York City. RELAX.

The Fresh Direct thread pales next to this one in intensity doesn't it?

By the way, Lori seems to singing my song, which is that, as the old saying we had as a kid was, "You have to eat a bushel of dirt before you die." This was always said by the kid who was picking up the candy that he had just dropped onto the floor and was about to eat it anyway, to the gasps of the more squeamish kids who blanched at the thought.

the no shoes rule is my only domestic rule. I am not germ-phobic.

I use the subway everyday, abhor antibacterial everything, and feed raw meat to my dog. To me, the shoe thing isn't about germs. It's about industrial chemicals that I KNOW already make me ill.

I chose to live in NYC, and that means I have to take antihistamines, and walk around all the time with "allergic shiners" (raccoon eyes) as a consequence. Hence, no shoes inside. So, when people come to MY house, they have to take MY health into consideration.

wow, hot topic! and i could not agree more with most of you.

over for dinner or a drink, shoes can come off. if it's a party, shoes absolutely on! i understand the day-to-day shoes off rule, but if you are having a party, come on. it's just weird.

My mother-in-law keeps slippers around for everybody to wear when they come over to her house, and we have started to adopt this policy. It works nicely, especially in the winter months. Sometimes Ikea has cheap slippers and Pearl River is another option. I like Pearl River's slippers because they don't make my feet as hot.

Delurking to wonder if anyone else has encountered a no shoes policy at an open house? I find this counter productive - I would think you'd want people to feel comfortable in your home so they'll be more inclined to buy it. I'm a no-shoes-inside person myself but my husband hates having naked feet.

Although I just posted about having available slippers around, I agree with the if it is a big party and/or a formal dinner, let people keep their shoes on line of thought. If I am having a couple of people over for drinks and or dinner, then shoes off.

Wow. What an intense discussion. In the past couple years I've developed plantar faceaitis (sp?) a painful inflamation of the padding on the bottom of one's feet. And it makes it particularly uncomfortable to pad around in stocking feet unless there is a thick carpet. So I'm not sure where I fall in this debate, my initial comments at top notwithstanding. I tend to agree with "your house, your rules" but there can be extenuating circumstances. Both guest and host/hostess need to be a little flexible.

That being said most published studies have shown that more germs are spread by hands and doorknobs in the home and workspace than anywhere else.

Ainate -
Yes! Years ago I saw an apartment where it was like that, but I was seriously desperate for an apartment, and although I remember that now that you mention it, all I could think about in the immediately subsequent years was that was "the apartment that got away" because of my hesitation to bid fast enough, and how much I loved the layout and configuration and size of it. The shoes thing didn't faze me for a second, actually.

OMG! While I understand "my house, my rules", if you are going to be such a control freak as to not let people wear their shoes, why have a party in the first place? There are way too many things that can go "dirty". What a neurotic freak!

Lori, I'm not sure your argument holds water (though I'm not trying to argue), because I only started trying to remove shoes indoors about two years ago, and I got sick for the first time in 10 years. I don't think there's any connection either way.

Sorry, Lori! I just reread your post and I TOTALLY misread it originally. *hangs head*

Why not just cover the furniture in plastic and make your guests wear white gloves?

The no shoes rule is just as stupid. Houses are for living in. They aren't museums. If you have to take your shoes off to keep the place livable, your places has a major design flaw.

We are "no shoes in the house" people. That is how I grew up and how almost everyone I know grew up. It seems the normal way to me. Shoes are for outside. We wear slippers in the house. I agree that having extra slippers for guests is a nice thing to do.

We don't have formal parties, but at those that I have attended in the wintertime, people usually bring along their shoes, and when they come in the door they take off their dirty boots and put on their shoes (the ones that go with their outfit).

(Fiona, sweaty feet are more hygienic than canine feces, which is the sort of thing shoes come into contact with all the time.)

Another thing. Some people seem to think that those of us with a "no shoes" policy are only interested in protecting our carpets and white furniture or whatever. Not at all. My apartment is very casual and there is nothing white or expensive in it. I simply don't want mud and slush and above all dog poop in my home.

I agree with the Canadian! and as someone who picks up dog poop daily, I really don't want it inside my house.

and, although I am all for looking hot and wearing cute shoes when out and about in the world, sometimes when I socialize I just want to be myself and not be scoped out. But I don't host formal parties and rarely go to them, so...

-J'Pup
I lurk...I sort of recall last time I was active ( pitch forks and a mob of sorts was involved)

-Lori
I wouldn't do what you let your children do do...but that's what makes us different. I happen to really like anti-bacterial handwash and keep a bottle in every glove box/briefcase.

I think it is possible to raise children in the city. However I personally feel that a better quality of life for the children can be had away from the city for a bit less. There are too many uncontrolled variables which can occur in a city as opposed to a rural area. That being said I realize it is impossible to control everything and the shit hits the fan just about anywhere you go. Like i said...over-protective domestication.

There was a article in the times not too long ago about a trend of people moving away from the city (not necessarily to suburbia) to raise their children, and then when the children have grown up and out the parents will move back in to the city.



-the group...i guess

I've been to quite a few open houses (shopping for the parents) and have noticed paper applied over the traffic routes as to help preserve the hardwood floors.


I guess it may indirectly be a renter vs owner issue.

If you rent...well there is less of an investment in the fact you may have a deep gouge in your hardwood floors or a blemish in your carpets. (mind you, these are just broad stroke observations)

If you own...the gouge will ultimately lead to a repair bill down the road, or more work when you choose to refinish yourself. Moreover, that blemish, a professional cleaning service/new carpet down the road.

I personally think of the shit (sometimes literally) people walk through everyday and the insult it indirectly conveys when people feel the need to drag it through someones place. A door mat is not going to cut it.

This is why, in part, people have mud rooms.

Ha, Fiona. Yes. If you take your shoes off, you'll get sick, is what I am trying to say. For my last meal, I'll take a bushel of dirt please but make it organic dirt from the Food Co-op.

Eh, I think we're all kind of on the same page here. Usually we keep our shoes off, (but mostly because a sensitive jazz beast lives downstairs and our click-clack throws off his groove.)

When it's a party, hold your breath, serve the dirt tapas, and party with your shoes on!

Curtis, up home we only ate "a peck of dirt before you die."

A bushel is a lot of dirt!

If you were going to force your guests to do anything, you really should ask them to wash/sanitize their hands, since that's how the vast majority of germs are passed.

People can do whatever they want, but the lack of logic on this point is kind of funny.

Apparently, your keyboard is far more germy than your toilet, and I bet half the people making guests take off shoes don't sanitize that very often.

http://www.pulse24.com/News_Features/Health/20050411-002/page.asp

Yes, I have white carpeting...but I would never ask anyone to take their shoes off at a party...it is just rude to do so. If it is an enviro...thing maybe, a cultural matter(yes) but other than cultural it is rude... a. If you cannot afford the maintenance on your floor covering of choice hard wood/ white carpeting etc...please rethink.
b. It is rude...

b.

I'm really shocked how angry people are about being asked to take their shoes off. Like I said, I don't ask it of my guests if I have a party, but I don't automatically assume they're control-freaks who would leave plastic covers on their furniture. In the same way, when I go into a house where shoes are left on, I don't automatically assume that the inhabitants are filthy beasts who don't care about tracking in urine and feces. Why not respect people's preferences or choose not to attend certain parties?

Fiona -- For me there is nothing puzzling about how sweaty feet are cleaner than dog fecal matter or industrial solvents. But regardless, I feel that you should not try to debate the host, but instead should respect the host's wishes--much like you shouldn't insist on bringing your dog to the home of a person with allergies, you shouldn't insist on eating pork in a Kosher home, and you shouldn't launch into a pro-choice diatribe over dinner at a the home of a firm pro-life supporter. Whether the reasons are medical, religious, political, or philosophical, it is can be perceived as impolite to impose your values on someone inviting you into their home.

Jimkk -- If you need to wear shoes for medical reasons, it would be respectful to bring a set of clean shoes to wear indoors at the party.

For the pro-shoe lobby, generally -- For some, NYC shoes in the home are at about the same level of disgustingness as, for example, eating a piece of luncheon meat that has fallen on the floor, or finding a pubic hair in the goulash. To your point, none of them are likely to make you sick, but they are all still pretty gross. The visceral reaction you may experience when you imagine finding a pubic hair in your stew, could easily be what a "shoes off" host feels when she sees people trampling about her home in shoes. You should respect that possibility, even if it means compromising on how "cute" you may be feeling at the time.

In general the Asian custom is always to take your shoes off and that's typically understood. Shoes are generally dirty and to bring it into someones house is rude. However, I give flexibility when hosting a larger party, but for small gatherings shoes off.

As a northerner, I want to weigh in on this.
If I'm wearing boots in the winter, I'll take them off as soon as I get to work, home or someone else's house. Generally, though, I've brought a pair of shoes to wear in those cases.
Personally, I like being barefoot/sockfooted at home, but in someone else's house, if I don't expect it? Not really.

jeebus!
I thought this thread must have been picked up by Curbed or something, but turns out it's all homegrown ire. Amazing.

I'm a shoes off household. NYC is a dirty dirty place.
It's not a germphobic thing, leading to plastic covers and alcohol wipes.
Rather the opposite.
It's my phobic control-freaky friends that can't stand to take off their shoes.

Nobody is shrieking at anyone to take their shoes off,
'k?
But the Canadian had it right.

There are probably more germs on your floor than on my shoes :P

If I am dressed up for a party, part of the outfit is the shoes. If you are going to have a party, you should allow people to keep their shoes on. The reasons for not doing so are ridiculous - the germs circulating among the many people are numerous - why not have them wear masks also?

For the record, I've lived upstate most of my life and even during bad weather, did not have to go shoeless - the boots were removed at the door and the nice shoes were put on -

If invited to a party, which is for the benefit of the guests, the rules should be out there before people show up - such as no smoking, no alcohol, etc. You then have the option of attending or not.

This is just weird little me talkin' but I have personally always walking around in socks to be kind of weird and dangerous, in a way. If it's on a floor, it's kind of slippery and I kind of hate the look.

I prefer to either wear shoes or have completely bare feet, because I feel like I can grip the floor better. If I'm painting a room, for instance, I can always tell if I've stepped in paint, and can clean it off if I'm barefoot, and am less likely to track it, although I rarely am painting walls at a party.

This is hilarious ... I just gave my first party in my new apartment on New Year's Day, and debated what to do about this before the guests arrived. (I'm a shoes-off person in the house now myself; it never would have occurred to me but for the fact that the previous owners of my apartment were, and I liked the fact that they cared enough about the nice wood floors to preserve them. So much for it being a turn-off at an open house!) Anyway, fortunately for me, it didn't rain the day of my party. I just asked the first few guests to wipe their feet well on the doormat ... and then I totally forgot about it for the rest of the day, and everyone had a great time.

Once you've had someone walk through your house with a clod of stinking dog sh** on their shoe, you get religion quick (she mutters darkly).

I *heart* guido.

Among Quakers (and I am one so I get to say) the general practice is to behave in a way that is LEAST offensive to the MOST conservative person in the group. This is in order to avoid conflict.

It's far easier for everyone to just take their dang shoes off inside my house than it is for me to stop having an allergic reaction to industrial solvents.

Me, again - I am many years older than most of you and have attended many many parties - never, at any time, ever, were people asked to remove their shoes.

Dog poop? And other things? Once again, lived in the country where sidewalks didn't exist and muddy paths did - didn't encounter those hazards -
and if by chance there was something on the bottom of my shoes, there was something called a doormat.

Yowza!

Our house is a shoe-off house, mainly due to the partner who was raised that way in a non North American culture. But we have indoor "slippers" (mine are ugly silver birkenstock bostons) to wear. We have no beige carpets, only hardwood floors that are 70 years old. I'm also not supposed to sit on an unmade bed in my street clothes, again, the culture thing. Please don't tell him I sometimes do anyway, after 12 years what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

We have a fun sign in the entryway near the shoe bench that we picked up in Thailand. It has a picture of a shoe and script in Thai asking you to take your shoes off (even at the shops you're expected to remove shoes). We put it up more for fun then as a real sign, since hardly anyone can read it. Do we insist that everyone who enter take their shoes off? Of course not. But most of our friends just do. Those that don't, don't. That's ok too. Sheesh.

regards,
trillium

PS, I'll take my friends' sweaty feet over a glob of stranger spit on the sidewalk and then their shoes any day. I'm just sayin'.

I would rather be dead than put on someone else's used footwear (i.e., the guest slippers that everyone seems to think are such a pleasing touch). ack!

Where I come from, taking your shoes off in someone else's house would be a rude assumption of intimacy, as if you thought that because you'd been invited for drinks it would be okay to go get in your host's bed and watch tv. (Well, for some people that might be okay, except for the tv part, but you have to read the signals!)

I think it is rude to invite people to your home and then ask them to remove their shoes. Perhaps if people do not want germs from shoe soles in their homes they should consider entertaining only in an outdoor environment.
Most people that have the misfortune of stepping in animal droppings I would hope to be courteous enough to clean their shoes before entering.
I also think that some people have feet that should not be revealed to the world.
Being barefoot, or rather, shoeless at a party reminds me of dorm socializing. At this point in my life ( I haven't lived in a dorm in over a decade) I would find it rude if guests at one of my parties took their shoes off, unless of course, it was a pajama party.

Hey guido, I'm with you.
I thought this was more like a typical hate fest on a craigslist forum but who knew our own little AT community could spew up so much bile? I wonder if said bile is worse than dog poo or even dog pubes in your food.

Hey martha, I was with you also in the first paragraph (I also wondered who would be wanting to put on slippers that potentially hundreds of others have already sweated and deposited toe stuff into) but I bet you'll be hard pressed to find someone who would follow the logic of your second paragraph.

With respect to using a door mat for removal of dog poo, industrial chemicals etc. I had visions of someone picking up a bristley (sp?) door mat to wipe themselves after they have done a number two. I'm not so sure they would get everything.

If you are lucky enough to be invited to a party in my home then I will feed you, get you drunk and you will have lots of fun and meet lots of cool new people WITH YOUR SHOES OFF so that I don't have to replace my living room carpet every 2 years like I used to, (there are only 3 rooms so it gets a lot of wear).

If I throw a formal, dress up party I'll roll up the rug and throw it in the back room so you can look all hot in your pumps.

If you don't like it, stay home and throw your own party.
d

I'm surprised at the self-righteousness of those who insist that wearing shoes inside someone else's home is a right. Yes, a host needs to make their guests comfortable, but likewise it's a guest's responsibility to respect a host's request. It's give and take, so if you don't feel comfortable taking off your shoes before entering a shoeless household for a party, don't go to the party.

Lori,

What's wrong with purse sized antibacterial handwash?

Anyone ever heard of a sock hop? We're having a big dance party this weekend and for the sake of my oak floors the rule is no shoes upstairs. Guests do know beforehand, there is a floor for eating and drinking where shoes are allowed, and anyone w/ a disability can wear rubber soles. But honey, why should my floors be ruined forever just so you, a guest, can look cool in your heels for 4 hours?

Here here, Carlos!
I agree...stay home if you can't follow the rules!

p.s.

And, for those folks who insist that walking indoors with your shoes on is neurotic or fanatical...well...walk the streets (of NYC) in your FANCY shoes (don't forget to trapse through the subway) and then walk around on your wood floors with a pair of white socks on and I guarantee that your view of wearing filthy shoes indoors will change almost immediately!

I mean what are you folks thinking...have you stood on a subway platform lately! Jeesh!!!!!

(And, those socked or bare feet will inevitably make it onto your sheets.)

Good luck.

Here here Lori, Scott, et al. Let the people have their shoes!

Personally, I have to have my shoes on in case a swift getaway is in order.

I have seriously never stepped in dog piles on the sidewalk or in spit. Am I just lucky?

All I know is that I think it's rude to enforce either way. However, in my opinion, for what it's worth, being a good host is the ultimate duty. When you invite people into your homes, you expect some inconvenience, whether it's spilled wine or a smashed glass. I would not ask people to remove shoes, and I would clean my floors after the party with vinegar and water or Simple Green--so no chemical reaction.

However, if people are going to ask me to remove my shoes, then they should warn me ahead of time, so I do not have bare feet on a winter day. (Or worse, ugly socks--the horror!) I do automatically take off my shoes in houses with babies, but I *know* the babies live there and can prepare! :)

All this is just my opinion, and I think it's kind of funny that people are so irate and chastising me for my innocent question about sweaty feet. I also think it's kind of funny that New Yorkers notoriously don't entertain often at home, so it's probably a moot point anyway.

C'est la vie. Here's to pedicures!

Anyone willing to lose a friend because they don't feel like removing shoes at a party or telling guests not to come to a party if they leave on shoes is obsessive.

OK, I'm not sure if this is really going to add anything to what appears to be a difference of a religious nature.

New Tenant - I'm 5'1". I hate having to wear my party dresses without heels, too. Not to mention craning my neck to talk to everybody. Some of my pants are too long to wear without heels. I feel like a little kid tripping over them.

One very elegant woman I know handles it this way: she wears a pair of nice but not fancy shoes to the party (driving moccasins or similar), and then changes to her good shoes at the door in front of the hostess. Her shoes certainly aren't spiky enough to harm floors, and besides, she usually finds a nice spot to sit to show off her legs and shoes.

"My house, my rules"? I guess my party guests usually are not naughty teenagers who broke curfew.

I love Apartment Therapy.

i missed it. . .i missed the whole freakin' thread.

Wow I hadn't realized that I absorbed my Asian upbringing so throughly when I read this- no shoes. Evah. But then again, we had carpet, too. Now that I'm in my own place, the rules are relaxed.

Something no one has brought up so far: I wonder if the host at the party in question wanted everyone to not wear shoes so nobody that went bare got stepped on by someone wearing shoes and hurt? I've had the business end of a spike heel jammed on me in some situations and that was no fun.

English perspective = Proper etiquette is that you should not be without shoes at any time - mainly due to the fact that you can pick up lots of horrible germs through the soles of your feet (even through socks) and also the fact that stepping on something sharp can do irreputable damage, plus bare feet are not that nice generally - thus if you are outdoors you wear shoes and when you are indoors at home you wear slippers - only the lower classes who can't afford shoes would go without them.

It is extremely rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your house under any circumstances - if you can't deal with that then you shouldn't be inviting them.

If you were invited to a naturalists house, how would you feel if they asked that to remove your clothes... - its exactly the same thing.

Two more comments:

1. Shouldn't the host get to set the rules? I don't get those that want to impose their own wishes on their hosts. Would you insist on smoking in a nonsmoking home even after the host asked you to go out on the balcony? If the rule is so unacceptable to you, then of course you are free to refuse any subsequent invitation.

2. Dog poop is not necessarily visible. I am sure you are tracking around all sort of fecal matter even if you didn't step in a pile of it. And a doormat is not going to get it off.

3. Of course a good host would be sensitive to exceptional needs, such as the diabetic mentioned above.

The parties at your house, Canadian, sound like they'd be a blast.

Are there any naturalist parties in the city this weekend?

(I won't wear my shoes, OK?)

None of us can predict what the rest of the world will do, but from now on, I suppose if there is EVER to be a gathering among these AT folks, there will DEFINITELY be indications about whether there will be shoes or not!

Very interesting little distinctions between the specifically polite English way and the very differently specifically polite Eastern way.

Hey, Jamie, All I meant by my second paragraph was that where I grew up, taking your shoes off in someone else's house would be making yourself way to much at home. a simpler analogy: you get invited to dinner and decide that taking your dress shirt off would be more comfy, so you sit down at the table in your undershirt--just an unacceptable degree of informality.

We solved the winter muck problem by wearing boots and carrying the good shoes.

Don't get me wrong, if someone I like has a no-shoes rule, and they warn me ahead of time, I'm delighted to be invited. I just pick an outfit that looks good with socks.

To all of you who think this thread is hate-filled or bile spewing - I completely disagree. I view this as a friendly argument - I don't think anyone has been rude or disrespectful, even if we have expressed our opinions forcefully or in a colorful way.

I know it's impossible to hear "tone" in a post, but I have tried to convey my opinions with a sense of humor. I am not a zealot about my views and I doubt anyone else here is either. It is okay to disagree and do so passionately :)

As a shoes-on advocate, I do not believe I am trying to "force" my opinion on the host of the party. There is a difference between expressing an opinion about a particular practice and "forcing" that opinion on someone else.

obviously, I would never insist on keeping my shoes on when asked to take them off - nor would I grimace or roll my eyes or otherwise convey distain or irritation with the host's policy. I would not express my opinion to the host, nor would I bitch about it to others at the party. I would smile and do what I'm told, and keep my grimaces to myself.

However, I do not like it and I'm entitled to have an opinion about it. I think that shoes-off people should be aware that there are guests who dislike this policy, but are too polite to say anything directly. Many people are uncomfortable taking their shoes off in a group, particularly if they are among strangers.

Here's the first and most telling detail of this fascinating dialogue: I AM THE 97TH POST. In, like, a day. I'm something of a longtime reader and I've not seen anything generate this level of debate. Clearly, a button has been pushed.

I think, by this point, nothing to add-- no new insight to weigh the debate one way or the other. I'll simply throw in my vote and thoughts--


While "your house, your rules" is indeed true... nothing is less festive or sexy than forcing everyone to walk around in their socks. And, as evidenced by the above, it makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

You're telling people you have more concern for your floors than your friends.

I would hope that, when I extend an invitation for a "party," even if it's casual, people get a little excited and want to dress it up a little, and a big part of that is their shoes.

So, if you're going to do it (forced shoe removal), tell people in advance, and be prepared to lose a few guests. If you're cool with that, then fine.

little sarah - you're post made me laugh :)

Peter - I completely agree with you

violetsrose - very interesting to hear your perspective. perhaps my australia/colonial background is what skews my own perspective.

My mom is one of the best hosts I've ever seen and has spent decades throwing fabulous parties - anything from intimate informal dinner parties to galas with hundreds of guests. I have never once known her to ask her guests to take their shoes off. I doubt such a thing would ever occur to her. But she would hire someone to help her clean up - before and after the party.

Whenever I have people over to visit I just tell them to take their shoes off and yell out that "I AM HALF ASIAN" if they look confused. My mother would have killed me if I had even set foot inside my house with shoes, as she would hand wipe our floors on her hands and knees 2 times a week. Wearing shoes in my house would feel like wearing shoes to bed. But for a party, if the weather outside is dry I take up the rugs and just start drinking heavily.

One final thought:

While there will undoubtedly be more laughing, big hugs, bad singing, bad dancing, and popcorn passing at the "shoes-off" party...

...the "shoes-on" crowd will most certainly engage in more hard drinkin' and dangerous fun. It will also, probably, be more sexily lit.

You choose.

re: Peter's post

SHOES ON, and you make an excellent point!

dear core,

you're post made me crack up.

while I'm reading about all these people freaking out about how rude it is to be expected to take shoes off in someones house all I could think was "wow, they must not know ANY asians or been to any asian parties!!!"

Viva le difference.

regards,
trillium

I know many Asian people, but they are second generation Americans. I've never been asked to take shoes off in a second generation home. I'm sure it happens though.

Speaking as an nth-generation asian person, it is unthinkable to have shoes on in the home. That being said, I'm up front about my shoeless policy, and any invitations I send out are explicit about it, in fact I work it into the theme when possible. Sock hops and my fuzzy bunny slipper party were two of the notable ones. Of course, all of my orgies have been completely shoeless, and I've been very careful not to invite any boot fetishists over so there's no conflict.

We take our shoes off in our house because who knows what's on the sidewalk. I built a small ledge beneath our coat rack to stack our shoes. But, while we'd prefer that our guest would remove their shoes, we don't ask or expect them to. Most often, though guests will notice our shoe pile in the front hall and offer to take off their shoes. We let them do what they're comfortable with (and also offer cozy socks if they want them).

secret_asian
You made me laugh!! lots to consider for next orgy!

I was just thinking about this and had a few ideas.... these just rolled out of my brain so forgive me for thinking out loud...

~~~~~~~~WINTER SHOE ETIQUETTE~~~~~~~
If someone is throwing a party at their home in the dead of winter, then they should put on the invitation, "arrive in boots, change in your swank shoes at the door". That's fair. That's what shoe bags are for. If people forget, ask them to wipe the bottom of their shoes when they arrive. Have some of those white wash clothes rolled up on a silver platter near the door - scented or something - it would be cute. A small sign asking them to

"please wipe your bottom"

and underneath put:

"shoes, that is".

A small silver trash can beneath. You can buy cheap white wash clothes anywhere. Get the thin el=cheapo kind. Toss them after the party or wash/bleach/save for next party.


~~~~~~~~ALL OTHER SEASONS: SHOE ETIQUETTE~~~~~~

If someone is throwing a party in the warmer months, they should think about sweaty feet on hardwood floors. Not pretty. Sweaty feet on carpeting. Gag. I'd rather have people sweating into their Manolos vs. my carpet.

If you have hardwood and fear stiletto's, you can state in your invitations,

"stiletto's rock, but my hardwood asks that you kindly refrain".

I usually hire a cleaning crew to come in the next morning after a party to spiff up the place. Or, if it wasn't a huge shin dig, I just clean it myself. No big deal, saves me from going to the gym - workout with the mop.

I understand when people say that it's there house, their rules. However, it's also important to respect the privacy of others and understand that some people may have fungus, athlete's foot, or whatever and they're not going to confess this at the door - then they are spreading the infection all over the house to others. Think about that for a minute. When you have people over to your home, you should have certain rules (wipe your feet or clean the bottoms of your shoes or no stilettos, or bring a change of party shoes to put on at the door). BUT telling people to take their shoes off, to me, isn't showing them much respect.

There are ways around all this, so get creative is what I'm saying, without getting all uptight and over the top.

Put yourself in their shoes.

:)

Maybe I should write about this in my blog. LOL

Holly

Hey, I just got another idea! I once toured a historic 18th-century house in Maine, where they had you slip little elasticized paper coverings over your shoes before you began the tour. Keep a basket of these just inside your door for guests, and both the shoes-on and shoes-off people can be happy!

:)

I think most people here are cosmopolitan enough to know that asian households (even second and third generation) often have shoes-off policies. I respect those cultural differences.

This thread is just about to fall off the main page! What a fascinating little ride this one turned out to be, hunh?

I personally and most people I know appreciate the no shoes etiquette. It is viewed as a traditional Japanese or Middle Eastern culture, but surprisingly getting popular in the West. If we are supposed take our hats off at the front door, it is just as polite to remove shoes besides the hygiene aspect.

It's no surprise to me that people take their shoes off in America - it's sanitary. Protects the floors. etc. We always ask guess to remove their shoes when they're coming over to hang out, watch a movie, eat dinner with us. Although most of my friends just do it when they enter because they do it themselves at their home. However, if it's a cocktail party....or a large dinner party where people are walking around mingling....I'm flexible. I'd let everyone leave their shoes on... I'd ask them to bring a change of party shoes with them if it's winter...if it's summer, I'd ask them to wipe the bottoms of their shoes.

It's not a party without good shoes - I'd never attend a cocktail party and leave my heels at the door. I'm not wearing my little black dress with bare feet. Please. Also, I'm not running around a cocktail party barefoot - every party I've gone to someone breaks at least one glass - I'm not risking it. I also don't want athelete's foot - big parties, lots of sweaty feet, no thanks.

The responses to this issue are most telling. As a native New Yorker I always had an inherent (mostly unspoken) understanding that as a city dweller, I make many concessions in order to live here. It was a given that out of respect for our hosts and the people residing below, we would remove our shoes before entering, no matter the occasion. There seems to be a whole new generation of inhabitants who either forget that we are not in LA or who model their lives after fantasy TV shows (and worse, continue to refernce them after they're no longer in production.) I save my Jimmy Choo's for cocktails in public lounges. And since I have to cross a sidewalk that is soaked with the pee of dog owners who wouldn't think of curbing their pet (another nouveau generational sensibility), I remove my shoes before I get in the house. It's not just an "Asian thing" (though we have much to learn from these more mindful cultures); it's common courtesy. By the way, if you're going to be "running around a cocktail party", better to do so in bare feet. You're probably the one breaking glasses and working up a sweat in those "good shoes".

Good point, baron. Most city dwellers live in apartments and we appreciate the consideration of our neighbors. Loud music and conversation are one thing but 20 people clomping around above or next door is torture. Also, the city is filthy, no matter where you live. My motto is "leave it outside" whether you can see it or not. If I think someone might be uncomfortable without their shoes at one of my parties I don't bother to invite them. I like my guests to be comfortable curling up on the sofa without the worry of pushing a spike through the cushion. How embarrassing that would be....for them.

Finally - 2 postings that explain the real roots of the shoe issue - thanks, baron + leo!

We enforce the rule in our parquet-floored manhattan apartment - and I can tell you that my upstairs neighbor does not.

I think most of the guests who apparently resent this old school New York practice would change their mind, if they were in my shoes…

This thread is the funniest thing I have read lately. I had to stop and just laugh at many points. Many people seem to be really sensitive about their feet. Who knew?

Good lord, what is it about people and their feet??? It is amazing how people rely on their shoes to protect and define themselves. This truly is an American phenomenon. People describe it in terms of vulnerability, aversion to smell, how soes make their asses look smaller, and so on. We are grounded when our feet are bare and that should transcend all the other silliness that people apply to the issue. Proper ettiquette would be to always assume that your shoes should be removed in someone else's home, especiall;y in a large city, unless you are told otherwise. Courtesy first.

My mother-in-law is Asian (immigrated about 20 years ago), and doesn't ask anyone to take shoes off. She's a cleanliness fanatic, too (and just an insane homemaker, to the degree that I sometimes think she deserves her own TV show!) I think it differs from person. You really can't make blanket statements about all people from a culture, no matter what.

But this thread did turn out to be really funny. :)

Toni, I think the better question is what is the deal with the obsession with dog pee? ;)
Who knew people spent this much time thinking about it?

Obsession with dog pee? I'm amazed at how some NYorkers , the same one's who won't touch a door-knob, totally disregard the dog pee issue. Over the past 20 years the dog owner trend has multiplied by 20. It seems that one out of every three NYorker has a dog. The sidewalks are covered in urine and fecal residue. It might sound " obsessive" but it's an absolute fact. I watched a woman in Manolo's step right into a puddle of pee the other day; she glanced down, saw her foot in it, and barely flinched. Do I want her hoof all over my dining room carpet? I think this whole issue is about denial and a previous poster said it best when they mentioned the idea that we make concessions to live in a city. Some people just refuse to admit that we're not in Beverly Hills and even though we can dress up like we are, our environment requires that we make adjustments to suit the reality of our lifestyle. It's about hygiene and courtesy, like it or not.

It is extremely rude NOT To take your shoes off upon entering ones home. Don't go if you don't like it! I don't let ANYONE including the cable man come in my home and walk on my carpets and hardwood floor without removing his shoes!

I have lived in Australia mostly all my life, but am of Asian descent, and I get annoyed when I have to ask workmen entering my house to remove their shoes. In fact, I get really annoyed when they refuse to. They are the biggest culprits of DIRTY shoes! I have relented MANY times before and allowed them to wear their shoes, and they left mud streaks all over my new carpets! - And this is after they swore to me they have CLEAN shoes! After being bitten like 5 times, I now slam the door back shut in their faces for refusing to comply. I simply say - If you won't remove your shoes, please don't come in. And I call their company to send someone else. If you want my money. Comply to my house rules!

With guests, I provide slippers for them. As soon as they enter my house, I would be waiting with terry cotton towelling slippers (similar to those you get from hotel rooms). I would take them out from my shoe rack, and line them at the doorway. It's hard for them not to comply.

When I have a small dinner party. All guests are expected to remove their shoes. If it's a big party, I grit my teeth and bear it.. but divert all guests AWAY from my rugs (or roll them up and store them away). And do a big cleanup afterwards.

To add more fuel to the fire (for entertainment purposes of course):

This is for those that have a no shoes policy because of germs. I have a friend that throws big parties often and not only does she have a no shoes policy but a NO LONG PANTS policy. Meaning you have to roll up your pants if they touch the floor. How's that for a fashion statement? I guess that makes sense from a germ-free point of view. But where do you draw the line?

For those that think shoes aren't as dirty as hands. Try walkin barefoot on nyc streets and subways stations. I don't think you can turn enough door knobs to get your hands as dirty as your feet would be.

One last thought, shall we start another cultural debate on showering in the morning or at night?

At most parties I've been to, you have to take off your shoes, it's normal...usually most people are in socks at parties, I don't see the big deal. However, if it's summer and I have sandals on, I rather keep them on. I've been to many summer house parties where many people (mostly girls) are walking barefoot because they've been asked to take off their sandals/flip flops. I usually make sure to wear shoes and socks when I dress up for a party because I had a bad experience a couple of summers ago where I was in bare feet and stepped on glass.

I grew up in Torono where most people remove their shoes. I also lived in Michigan and Chicago, and I now live in Boston, and it seems that few Americans take off their shoes, except when there's slushy snow outside (and sometimes even snow doesn't prompt people to remove their shoes). At least for the most part, local guests never seem surprised or mind taking their shoes off when they come over, so that's all good...

BUT, here's my dilemma -- my boyfriend's parents are visiting soon, and they're from the South where I haven't seen any no-shoes homes (of all five homes I've been to). The thing that disturbs me most is that I've seen the boyfriend's parents/sister put their street shoes directly on the DINING TABLE and KITCHEN COUNTER! Yikes! I cringed even though it wasn't my table or house. If they'd put shoes on the table, how do I explain to them that we don't wear them in our apartment? They would think that I was crazy. I'm not even sure if they know that Asians never wear shoes inside (I'm Asian, BTW). What should I do? Are there any southerners out there who take off their shoes?

I always take my boots/shoes off in my own apartment. This is not because I am concerned about keeping my rug clean (dull grey carpet provided by my landlord - last shampooed who knows when), or because I am concerned about tracking in dog poo. Rather, I feel most comfortable barefoot or in socks. I am not obsessive about this: I don't leave my boots in the hall, and if I'm carrying a load of groceries, I'll put them away first, but then the footwear comes off.

My mom's home does in fact have white shag carpet, yet she does not have a shoes-off rule in her home. I always remove my boots as soon as possible after entering my Mom's home, both for my own comfort and out of respect for her home, although she has never asked me to take my shoes off. I'm usually the only one who is in socks, while my Mom and her partner almost always have their shoes on.

In response to the earlier post by Exxon at 02/08/06 2:33 AM : I did once spend an afternoon walking about barefoot at a Chicago street music festival in my neighborhood. My feet did in fact become totally tar black, and it took a few days to get them clean, but it was most fun all the same.! Quite a number of years ago, I attended a Grateful Dead concert at Soldier Field, at which I took my moccasins off and tied them around my belt during the concert. After a heavy rainstorm during the show (which soaked the leather laces) and a number of beers, I found it difficult to untie the laces from my belt afterwards. Therefore, I walked barefoot through the Chicago Loop and boarded a CTA L train home. I had no problem with cops or security people or anyone else.

On the other hand, I used to work for an employer for whom I sometimes had to do work in the owner's home office, where there was a" no shoes in the house" policy. While I obeyed the rule and did in some ways enjoy working in my stocking feet, I must say that I didn't take kindly to being ordered by my boss to to remove my shoes. My feelings are similar on being ordered to take my shoes off at airport security.While I respect the serious security reasons for these inspections, the take your shoes off policy strongly motivates me to either drive my own car and to simply not travel by airplane.

In conclusion, I think there is one important issue that has not been addressed in this ongoing discussion of taking one's shoes off, and that is submission vs. dominance. My presonal preference is to be shoeless. I love taking my shoes off freely, I get a certian rebellious excitement by going barefoot places where you are expected to wear shoes. I have areal problem with anyone who tells me I must take my shoes off.
Ken

I always take my boots/shoes off in my own apartment. This is not because I am concerned about keeping my rug clean (dull grey carpet provided by my landlord - last shampooed who knows when), or because I am concerned about tracking in dog poo. Rather, I feel most comfortable barefoot or in socks. I am not obsessive about this: I don't leave my boots in the hall, and if I'm carrying a load of groceries, I'll put them away first, but then the footwear comes off.
My mom's home does in fact have white shag carpet, yet she does not have a shoes-off rule in her home. I always remove my boots as soon as possible after entering my Mom's home, both for my own comfort and out of respect for her home, although she has never asked me to take my shoes off. I'm usually the only one who is in socks, while my Mom and her partner almost always have their shoes on.
In response to the earlier post by Exxon at 02/08/06 2:33 AM : I did once spend an afternoon walking about barefoot at a Chicago street music festival in my neighborhood. My feet did in fact become totally tar black, and it took a few days to get them clean, but it was most fun all the same.! Quite a number of years ago, I attended a Grateful Dead concert at Soldier Field, at which I took my moccasins off and tied them around my belt during the concert. After a heavy rainstorm during the show (which soaked the leather laces) and a number of beers, I found it difficult to untie the laces from my belt afterwards. Therefore, I walked barefoot through the Chicago Loop and boarded a CTA L train home. I had no problem with cops or security people or anyone else.
On the other hand, I used to work for an employer for whom I sometimes had to do work in the owner's home office, where there was a" no shoes in the house" policy. While I obeyed the rule and did in some ways enjoy working in my stocking feet, I must say that I didn't take kindly to being ordered by my boss to to remove my shoes. My feelings are similar on being ordered to take my shoes off at airport security.While I respect the serious security reasons for these inspections, the take your shoes off policy strongly motivates me to either drive my own car or to simply not travel by airplane.
In conclusion, I think there is one important issue that has not been addressed in this ongoing discussion of taking one's shoes off, and that is submission vs. dominance. My presonal preference is to be shoeless. I love taking my shoes off freely, I get a certian rebellious excitement by going barefoot places where you are expected to wear shoes. I have areal problem with anyone who tells me I must take my shoes off.

Wow! I'm so glad I ran across this thread. I lived in SoCal most of my life and we always wore shoes in the house. In fact, after a neighbor kid got a nail stuck in the bottom of his bare foot (from outside, not in a house), my mother forbade us from being barefoot outside. We had carpeting and there was no snow, so all was good.

When I moved to NYC as an adult, I was introduced to the idea of taking one's shoes off at the door, but only because of the snow and wet weather. I understood the necessity of not tracking in water everywhere.

Now I live in Canada and it seems like the done thing 12 months out of the year to remove shoes. The first couple of times it happened, mostly in the winter, I was completely unprepared and suffered from ice-block feet the entire evening. Now, if I'm going to anyone else's house, I bring a bag with my slippers if I know it's a casual evening or a bag with my nice shoes if it's a party. However, at our place in the summer, I would never expect or ask anyone to remove their shoes and I normally go around in flip-flops myself (no AC and we have a long-haired dog).

I think it all comes down to what you're used to, and to managing expectations. If, as a host, you're having people over who don't necessarily know that you have a "shoes off" policy, you should make them aware in the invite or in person. That way, it won't be a bad surprise, and if they want to go shoeless, they'll be pleased.

When I get home, the first thing I do is take off my shoes. It keeps the floor clean, but mainly, I'm just more comfortable in my socks. My guests can do as they please, but I'd say the majority of them remove their shoes as well. I always go sock-footed at my friends' houses. It's just become a habit.

I don't like being barefoot or stocking footed in people's houses so I bring my soft soled indoor shoes in a bag and change at the door. Nobody has complained yet.

I have severe allergies and dont want to live in a home where the things I'm allergic to are all over my flooring. I ask politely but will insist if need be.

In Minnesota it is customary for any guest to ask politely, "Should I de-shoe?" Someone who has issues with taking street shoes off must arrive with indoor shoes to change into. Aside from a few clods, repair people take their shoes off without asking. But rarely would Minnesotans insist on no shoes for a large gathering, especially a formal one. Too much confusion in the foyer.

We are a practical people here in fly-over land.

Before walking in my house, I always take off my shoes. At MOST parties I've been to I had to take them off at the door. I don't really have a problem with it...EXCEPT in the summer, when I'm usually either wearing sandals or my shoes without any socks, I obviously rather keep them on than walk around barefoot. Usually though, even in the summer, my friends demand I take them off so I end up walking around the entire time with my bare feet, which I don't mind that much but it's a bit uncomfortable.

Just couldn't help but wonder...does the refrigerator repairman remove his Manolos at the door, to avoid dragging in "that one lone pebble onto the hardwood flooring" (posted above) that makes you regret giving a party/ having a house/ getting married/ being born????

I gotta say, I am with the poster above, who said about the diabetes/circulation issues. However, I can see the look on some hyper-host's face, when they ask, "but what does circulation have to do with diabetes??" (these are the ones who think you "catch" diabetes from sugar!)My issue is, thankfully, not diabetes, but I do have heel spurs and plantar faciitis that MD said to "NEVER EVER GO BAREFOOT, EVER!" and that I must always use the Birkenstock arch inserts. So there.

I also would direct everyone here to Don Aslett's website/catalog for a dandy doormat big enough to force anyone entering the door to make contact with it over three or four steps, removing most dirt and germs.

And what if the guest has some icky communicable disease (athlete's foot; plantar warts) that they don't want to advertise? Well, I guess things could be worse; they could ask me to remove my Bra!!!

Does anyone have an address for a company that sells disposable protective booties that one can put on over street shoes and still be sanitary? It seems these would allow those with medical needs for street shoes or those squimish about sharing foot views/odors an easy way out of embarassment.

JonathanD, yes!

http://www.shoecovers.net/ That's shoecovers dot net if the URL is hidden or something.

These are great right after you have your carpet shampooed (we used them when selling our empty house with white carpet.)

Yes , you should take your shoes off at someones house at anytime even if they dont ask you too, just out of respect, I dont want my carpet or floors looking like the streets, and have dirt all over them , people dont understand that even if you wipe them off , the bottem of you shoes are still dirty, even if its summer, there is still dirt on the ground that you track on your shoes, i didnt pay that much money for my home and carpet for someone to make it look dirty, and its my house, friends and family are welcome anytime, but you have to take your shoes off, if you dont like it, then you dont have to come in! My house my rules, you dont go in someones house and do something that they dont want you to do, that is so rude, and what is the big deal, take them off, its also lazy to me that they cant bend over to take them off and put them back on, and yes its the same as not smoking in some ones house, its something that you dont want in YOUR house, I too have a sign at my door , take shoes off, and people are relaxed with their shoes off, thats why when people are hoome, when they are relaxing their shoes are off, people say its stupid and that houses are for living, exactly, you have to live in it, so who wants to live in a dirty home, its comfortable with it clean.

Par for the course in the circles I run in on a casual basis. For a few people, casual setting, every day basis--yes. It is more comfortable, clean and really just an easy preventive measure to avoid bringing the street to your bedroom. All of our shoes are stored in the front closet by the door.

Most people I know offer slippers in a variety of sizes (the slip on Chinatown variety @ $2 a pop, less if you buy in bulk) for the guests who prefer not to remain barefoot.

I think for a party, shoes should up to the person who comes. Clearly some people require their shoes so it would be weird to impose that at an event were people dressed up and all. You have to clean anyway so it should not be imposed at a party.

Sometimes shoes go with the outfit. In Sweden (where I come from) it is common to arrive in your outdoor shoes and change into indoor shoes (that you bring) for the party. Clean floors, pretty outfit, happy host and guest-the best of two worlds!

I cannot believe that people here think it's rude to request someone take off their shoes before entering a hosts home. Think about where shoes have been and what they've stepped in before entering your home. Pee, Poo, Spit, dirt, gum, oil, antifreeze, more poo and many other toxins. You stepping in my house with that on your shoes means that I am exposed to toxins and poo when I want to watch a little television while sitting on the floor, or picking it on my socks as I walk around the house post-party. Shoes are shoes - take em off at the door!

I'm shocked at all this "my house my rules" stuff. What about hospitality? I was raised to always put your guests first, and make them comfortable. I discussed this topic on another forum a while back, and the majority there said they don't feel comfortable barefoot in someone else's house, but they do it if asked and don't make a stink about it. But why would you want to make your guests uncomfortable?

My inlaws have a no-shoes house, because they got a brand new white carpet, and I can understand trying to get a few unsullied years out of it. But every time I go over there, I can't help wondering why you'd bother having a white carpet that no one can touch. They have it covered with area rugs and plastic runners as it is, and you STILL have to take your shoes off. It's hilariously stupid.

Life is for living. Like someone else said way up-thread: it's a home, not a museum!

I had a very funny first-time experience with this issue of shoes on or off?

I was invited to come over to a friend's house this morning after our workout. She is a fairly new aquaintance and she had been inviting me for a while. She wanted to teach me how to make her Italian tomatoe sauce, from scratch.

Anyway--she has this beautiful house. When I arrived, she greeted me at the door with a pair of slippers. She said, "Hun--I hope you don't mind, but we don't wear shoes in the house." I was like--"oh, okay." So I had to put on these slippers. It wasn't too bad, though I kept wishing that I had had socks on. But I arrived in my sandals. I thought., "I hope she washes these slippers between guests."

She also made lunch and asked if I wanted to eat inside or outside? So I thought it would be nice outside. We went outside on her deck so she could clean the table and I helped her open the unbrella. Then all of a sudden she goes, "Oh my God--you are so funny! You wore the slippers outside!" So I said, "Oh, okay. I'll just take them off." So I took them off and put them by the back door and then I walked back over by her--and she goes, "Oh my God....now you are in your barefeet!"

At this point, I just wanted to laugh!! What the heck was I suppose to do? But I contained myself. So I said, "Why? What's wrong?" She says,. "Well, the deck is dirty." So I disagreed with her and said the deck looked fine to me. But I could tell that she was uncomfortable, so I said that I would go and get my sandals from the front door.

As I began to enter back into her house--she cut in front of me and said, "Wait--you need the slippers again." So I tried to put them on but she grabbed them from me and asked me to wait while she went inside and actually washed the bottom of the slippers off before I could walk through her house again.

Just to let you know, we had also been drinking a little Merlot as we made this sauce (Put some Merlot in the sauce too!) I was feeling pretty funny at this point and wasn't really sure how to behave anymore. I think I was begining to laugh alot.

So anyway, she gave me the cleaned slippers and I put them back on and walked through her kitchen over to the front door to get my sandals. By now I am a little confused, so I took off the cleaned slippers--put on my sandals--and began to walk through her kitchen to get to the back deck...lol!!

Honestly though--what if I had athlete's foot or something and felt embarrassed about my feet? I really did feel inadequate by the time we got through all of that.

I need to find a "NO SHOES IN THE HOUSE" sign. Where can I purchase one? I have a lot of allergies and I don't want to be sick because of people tracking in dog/cat hair, etc. into my brand new home.

Dear H,

For allergy problems that are that bad--you'll need a sign restricting any pet owners from entering your new home at all--this is because the dander will likely be all over them--and not just on their shoes.

Or, maybe you can have a sign that reads--"No clothes allowed, Thankyou." That might be fun?

In short: do not host a party if you're going to compromise your guests' appearance and comfort level for your inability to clean up after the fact.

Would you go to a restaurant if they requested that their patrons remove their footwear? How ridiculous to request this of your guests at what is intended to be a "festive" occasion. Really!

We are having a birthday party for my son at home, do I have to invite the entire block?

I agree with a lot of the poeple who have commented.

I come from a chinese family and I was raised to ALWAYS take off your shoes. It does make a difference.

People say; "oh well, get a doormat" even if you have one, that doesnt stop ALL dirt from comming off your shoes and onto carpet. I live in a high class apartment with nice carpet AND hardwood floors, and i'm sorry but just because I throw a party doesnt mean you can dirty my carpet and make me lose my $1400 security deposit. Frank said it best; YOUR house, YOUR rules. Dont like to take off your shoes? Stay home.

I like my clean carpets, and I enjoy never seeing stains from dirt, grass or mud etc.. on them.

we are a shoeless household as well. what we do, especially for parties - and it is very well received - we keep a basket - filled with NEW (tube) socks. i roll each pair up (like a cinn bun) and tie it w/pink or blue yarn to quickly separate M/F.

the tube sock are one size fits all, and thick and soft. people get to keep them. then it becomes more of a fad thing and everyone is doing it and expects it. we have actually had people ask us for socks as soon as they arrive.

i make exceptions for any elderly people - since they don't walk around the house much any.

in all the years i have done this - only one person ever adamantly not removed his shoes - and everyone thought it odd that he wouldn't. he prob has stinky feet!

Honestly, I rather shoes be kept on...especially when you have no socks on...a few weeks ago I was invited to my friend's house for supper (with his family) and I went to his house right after a day at the beach, so I had shoes on but no socks. I asked if he would mind if I walked in with shoes and he made such a big deal out of it so I just took them off and walked around barefoot the entire night.

I felt really uncomfortable walking in someone else's house in my bare feet (especially since I just came from the beach and my feet weren't very clean)...he even refused to lend me a pair of socks for the night...

So, I think guests should decide whether or not they feel comfortable taking their shoes off before entering a house.

My house everyone has to take their shoes off at the door. I always kick them off when I come in and have done it for quite some time. My kids and husband all know that we take our shoes off and never forget to kick theirs off. When the kids friends come over they usually take their shoes off when they see my kids doing it. If they are coming over and we are already inside I usually just say "Could you take your shoes off before you come in please". Whenever we go to someone elses house we take our shoes off regardless of what their rule is. I feel if i make people take their shoes off I should do the same in their house. Most of my friends that visit often have their shoes off on the porch before I even open the door. Many people talked about offering slippers. Usually everyone I know just walks around in their socks. I think it is easier to just take your shoes off and not have to put something else on. SOcks only for me.

For me, I want the shoes to stay on. Sort of a selfish thing since it serves to enhance the aroma of my wife's feet (foot fetish), especially in winter w/ nylons & boots

If you're going to a friend's house, it's probably better to take your shoes off...BUT NOT FOR PARTIES! Let me tell u about one of my bad experiences...

This past summer, I went to this house party. I came in sandals and my friend told me to take them off before coming in...so I did and walked barefooted the entire night...thats not the bad part...at the end of the night, my flip flops were missing...either someone took them, or I dunno...it's a party, ppl do stupid things...so basically, I was stranded in my bare feet...my friend didn't have any shoes to lend me (she's also a she so...) so I had to drive home barefoot...horrible experience, I had a huge blister on my big toe the next day...but I won't disgust u with the details...point is, let ppl leave their shoes on...also, whenever u have a "no shoes rule" at a party, there are always those ppl who come in with shoes...which reminds me, this girl at that party stepped on my bare toe with her high heels...worst experience...

My mother runs a daycare and most of the parents are good at taking their shoes off. But their are some who sometimes forget. I am so suprised because my parents always taught me to take off my shoes in our home and other homes as well. And for the people who like to wear their shoes at a party, I don't agree with you. I think it let's the guests of your party interact easier without shoes on. I think of it as a warm welcome when people tell you to come in and take your shoes off. It tells me that I'm welcome to come in. You won't believe how much less you have to clean if you stick with this rule.

I just happened to stumble across this thread while doing a search on this topic. My wife and I recntly returned from a road trip to Nevada via Utah. We got talking to a motel clerk who saw our address and mentioned that she had traveled to Canada recently. We asked her how she had enjoyed her time up here, and she mentioned that she loved it, but found it was strange that people removed their shoes at home. Having never actually gone into a house in the southwest US, we thought that the comment was rather strange. Upon returning home, we spoke to one of our friends who moved to Arizona to work as a nurse, and she told us of an embarrassing moment where out of habit, she kicked off her shoes upon entering a co-workers party, and had everyone look at her in disbelief! Anyhow, we are always in socks or barefeet at home, and have never had anyone even try to come in with shoes on, and of course we wouldn't even think of entering someone's house with shoes on. The only exception that I have seen is that some people (particularily over the age of 60) change into slippers when coming inside. However, I guess when in Rome, do as the Romans do, and if we were to ever move down there, we probably would not enforce the shoes off rule. However, I think that it would be just plain wrong to wear shoes indoors, and would feel strange indeed! Anyhow, interesting topic.

It all depends if u have any footwear to walk around in the house with...if u have socks, it's fine...I don't mind taking my shoes off...but there've been so many times in the summer where I'm in flip flops and I'm forced to take them off and walk around in bare feet. Not to mention, most people have dirty floors and the bottom of my feet end up getting all black, which is disgusting.

And at a party, NEVER enforce this rule...what is there at parties? Beer + drunk ppl = glass on the floor...I already had an experience where I was barefoot at a party and stepped on glass...hurt like hell and my friend had to get it out of my foot...

^ Um, stop complaining. If you hate walking around barefoot, why do you wear flip flops? Wear shoes and socks if you're so concerned about your feet.

When I come across someone that has a thing about shoes in the house I just make it a point not to go over there again. I will never say why, but will just keep making excuses. Maybe someday they will put two and two together and make a choice, carpet or freinds. I like having friends that are laid back. Most of my friends are even cool about me smoking in their door way versus going all they way outside. Life is two short to sweat the small stuff. So if they are perinoid about shoes I find there are many other things they are perinoid about. I like wearing shoes. Why would I take them off in someone elses house when I wear them in my own home? Of course if my shoes are wet or soiled I will take them off, but on a clear nice day a door mate is all you need.

Having just built a new home and putting down hardwood floors that cost over $10000.00,I wouldn'twant high heels ruining them!!i love shoes just as much as the next person but have to live with my floors for a very long time!!Is that wrong??I rake mine off in my home and other people's homes!!

I meant take them off!!!!!

during an interview with martha stewart, she said she makes her guests take off their shoes in her house, but provides slippers for them to wear.
her justification for this is, "i live on a farm, i don't want that sh*t tracked into my house".
when asked her if anyone ever refused to take off their shoes she said, after thinking for one nano second, a resounding NO.
gotta love that martha stewart!

I don't make people take their shoes off, for the record, not that anyone cares.

I was also at this party. It was January 14, 2006.

Lahat forgot to mention the horrible weather that night and the inches of slush everyone had to get through to be there. Lahat also forgot to mention that it was a fantastic party.

When we lived in Boston, no one ever took their shoes off at parties and I never thought to ask people.
Now that I'm in Vermont, it's commonplace to take along a pair of slippers when visiting during winter and mud season. BUT, I still find it rude when it's mandatory, especially if wearing a skirt and tights... not only are my feet freezing, but the outfit is ruined!
My personal policy... have a few rugs (at the door, in the entry way) that are there for wiping feet and suck it up.

Look at what happened to Carrie in "Sex and the City." Did someone already mention this - couldn't find anything about it. Well, she took off her $400 Manolos at a party and they were - gasp! - STOLEN. Great ploy if you have well heeled guests, so to speak.

I had my shoes "borrowed" from the pile at a party, leaving me stranded since I had walked there. After I spent a frantic 1/2 hour digging through the pile and checking various closets and bedrooms, the shoes walked through the door, on the feet of another woman. It apparently required too much effort for her to find her own shoes in the pile, so she decided to borrow mine for a beer run.

Ewww. So, not only did I have to deal with the horror of digging through a giant pile of other people's footwear, I had to walk home with someone else's foot sweat and fungus in my shoes.

Shoes off is a great policy, if you're willing to provide indoor footwear (ie slippers) for all of your guests and make sure that the shoes are secured and not subject to being borrowed, stolen or accidentally mistaken for another person's shoes. If the amount of indoor footwear required exceeds your budget, either throw smaller parties, or let people wear their shoes. If it's a big party, it might just be cheaper to get the carpets cleaned after.

hello, I live in Spain where it would be considered extremely rude to ask anyone to take off their shoes at the door (except, perhaps, little children), a bit like asking them to drop their trousers or skirt . If you were noticeably Asian your guests would understand and nod owlishly in multicultural acceptance, and then talk about you at otherpeoples- dinner parties for a year

I'm not sure, at this point, if there is anything fresh I can add to the thread other than my own experience.

I was invited to a housewarming party unaware that it was a shoes off place. I had come from work and hadnt had a chance to change my socks - which had these awful black stains from my new shoes. I asked the host if I might be allowed to keep the shoes on - as the soles were perfectly clean. He agreed. But, as more guests arrived, he clearly pointed out that I was the only person wearing my shoes, and I had to ask 'special' permission - which made me feel all the more self conscious. It was not the most enjoyable party I've been to.

I guess it comes back to the guest/host relationship. The purpose of the host is to make the guests feel as welcome and comfortable as possible. If you are inviting people into your house you should expect that they will be polite and courteous - but you shouldnt make unneccessary demands of them - its a party, shoes are part of playing dress up. Conversely, as the guest, you should be aware that you are coming into a space that isnt yours, and be prepared to treat it respectfully...i.e check the bottoms of your shoes, or check the shoes all together if they are heavily soiled. And if either one has to make an exception - be as gracious as you can.

you know, how about get a manicure? how about how rude it is to tromp mud all over a friend's carpet? i can't tell you how many times i've had delivery men do this to my apts. & then i have to scrub & scrub. i mean, if someone is kind enough to invite you into their home, be kind enough to help them out a tad. you come to a party & maybe you bring a bottle of wine, but you don't want to take off your silly shoes? wouldn't you be more comfy w/o the heels anyway? RELAX! you're amoung friends! it's a party. :) have fun.

I think that those of you who keep saying things about my shoes aren't dirty, get a doormat, I wipe my feet etc. simply don't get it!! The purpose of taking dirty shoes off is not to keep out dirt, but germs. Don't most of us walk in public restrooms with urine and poop all over the floors, which then gets on your shoes, then on my carpet that my children and I lay on...I don't think so!! What about parking lots where men commonly spit lugies...I could go on and on about how dirty floors of public places are- thus getting on your shoes. Unless you want to clean your shoes with alchol before coming in my house, please take them off!! I agree hardwood floors can easily be sanitized, but all that stuff sinks into carpets.

"It all depends if u have any footwear to walk around in the house with...if u have socks, it's fine...I don't mind taking my shoes off...but there've been so many times in the summer where I'm in flip flops and I'm forced to take them off and walk around in bare feet. Not to mention, most people have dirty floors and the bottom of my feet end up getting all black, which is disgusting.

And at a party, NEVER enforce this rule...what is there at parties? Beer + drunk ppl = glass on the floor...I already had an experience where I was barefoot at a party and stepped on glass...hurt like hell and my friend had to get it out of my foot..."

Ouch..that sounds like it hurt. I agree though, bare feet at a party shouldn't be enforced. And if the guest doesn't have socks, like in your case, the host should allow you to come in with your sandals/flip flops.

Ok so here is something for all the people who think "everything is dirty" or " I wore really cute shoes with my cute party dress!", Have you ever gone into a public restroom and the floor is wet?, right, most likely from urine...your shoes were in it, the shoes that you want to wear in my home, (not to mention if your pant legs are too long they most likely soaked it up too.) Have you ever gotten out of your car in a parking lot only to find you just stepped on someones loogie, vomit or chew spit...you stepped on it with your foot, most likely with your shoe on, again the shoes you want to wear in my home. Gross! Frankly I do not want that nastyness traked onto my carpet! Party on, but get used to the fact that you will be doing it in your nylons/socks/bear feet or slippers more often and if you are a great person no one really cares what your shoes looked like with your "swishy dress".

I ask that people remove their shoes before entering my home. I don't care if people think it's rude or unnecessary.

It's not that I am so concerned about the appearance of my carpet or bamboo flooring, it's the health of my 7 month old daughter. She is learning to crawl and spends so much time on the carpet. I don't want everyone's shoes on it. Seriously, we walk on disgusting sidewalks, oily parking lots, chemically treated grass, and God only knows what else. I do NOT want this on my carpet for my daughter to crawl through and put her hands in. We all know a 7 month old spends the majority of the time with her hands in her mouth....might as well let her lick the sidewalk.

So anyone who is offended by this request of mine, is not somebody that I wish to be friends with. If somebody has a valid objection to this rule, I am willing to make exceptions, but in general, NO SHOES. Deal with it or go home.

"When babies are exposed to germs, it helps them fight allergies and asthma later. The prevalence of allergies has increased substantially in the past 15 years... too much cleanliness might be a contributing factor."

I understand that hosts are worried about their floors, but guests may also be worried that they could step on germy baby spit-up/ broken glass or pick up athlete's foot/ planter's warts/ other germs transferred through bare feet and yes, even through socks or from borrowed slippers. And those worried about their babies should maybe not throw a big party at home anyway.

Holly had some creative ideas for a shoe-washing station for those who forget their "indoor" shoes (now I know what shoe bags are for). I always thought that there should be some way to wash your feet when you come home in the summer sweaty and grimy in your sandals -- sitting on the edge of the tub is so inelegant.

In ancient eastern civilizations "washing of the feet was universally recognized as a duty of courtesy to be shown to guests. It was of practical importance because people walked in sandals over roads covered with dust, mud and animal waste. The washing of the feet was the first duty of the host; to omit this was a sign of marked unfriendliness."

What ever happened to this practice? Hmmm, would any "no-shoe" hosts here be willing to greet their guests at the door and get scrubbing? Or better yet, hire a professional to give them all a pedicure upon arrival!

Anyway, it is perfectly reasonable to ask people to remove their shoes. But definitely warn them on the party invitation.

Click my name for a doormat with disposable layers of "super-scientific anti-microbial adhesive film"

Obviously people have not read the title..."at a party"...think...there's people drinking at parties and a lot of the time, there's glass on the floor or who knows what else...it's a safety hazard...I've already been to a party where I was forced to take off my flip flops and guess what, I stepped on glass in my BARE FEET! Not a pleasant experience.

Here in Canada this is a no-brainer - shoes and boots off. We don't even think twice. In the summer, it's usually shoes off as well but often optional - usually depending whether you're coming in and out from the back yard. This is usually the deciding factor.

Do workman doing work in a church have to remove their hardhats?

Most work shoes are designed for safety. In fact they might be required to be worn by law or by company policy.

I would suggest providing disposable slip covers for workers.

I always ask friends to remove shoes as my last two wooden floors were destroyed by heels during parties. So it is not really just about keeping carpets clean but the aftermath of those little high numbers. I did buy lots of pairs of IKEA slippers and keep these by the doors for guests. I love having friends roung and don't mind the clearing up but somethings just won't shift!

Are there really this many people that haven’t encountered shoes off as an everyday common practice? It’s every day life. How is it possible that there are soooo many people this clueless about common curtsey?

You’re joking right? This is a bunch of off site lurkers trying to force an argument and drive up hits for apartment therapy, right. Shoes off is so every day, its remarkable there are this many people that aren’t used to it. Shoes off is the default everywhere I go in the SF, Oakland, SJ, Berkeley, etc. Small parties and big parties included. It’s really NOT a big deal.

Sure, if you have a serious foot or health condition, then wear your shoes. BTW I’ve never seen anyone confronted about wearing their shoes, but once they come inside and see EVERYBODY else isn’t, they normally go back to the porch/entry/front door and remove their shoes. Mind you, I’m not talking about at my house, it’s everywhere, and I go out enough to be referring to more than just a dozen situations. It’s all the time. This is really mind-blowing that so many people are so upset about taking off their shoes that they’re actually trying to defend wearing shoes at someone’s house party!

Even indoor/outdoor parties are mostly shoes off. There are normally plenty of flip-flops around and a lot of people are used to bringing their own. This isn’t the Cold North, or Canada, or the Bowery, its North Beach, Jack London, Marin, Palo Alto, Richmond Dist, Santana Row, Haight, Berkeley Hills etc. Not a single cookie cutter suburban home with wall to wall beige carpets. Still, it’s no shoes and no big deal. No temper tantrums, no missing Manolos, no big deal. Sweaty feet? Wipe ‘em off in the bathroom. Hole in your socks? Ask the host for a pair or grab one of the extra pair of slippers. It’s really not that difficult.

If you don’t have a medical condition, what’s the problem? Is your personal self image THAT tied to wearing shoes? What parties and what people do you hang out with where having ugly socks or being short is grounds to be dismissed and/or ignored at a party?

Glass on the floor? Come’on. Things get broken at parties ALL THE TIME. Everyone freezes and it gets cleaned up. NO BIG DEAL. Infants play on carpets, toddlers run on the hardwood, nobody gets sick from foot lice, or contracts athlete’s foot, or dies from foot odor. Got any more wild excuses?

Look, if you’re that hung up, leave your shoes on. You’re still welcome to hang out. After a while you’ll get over yourself and join everyone else in relaxing and end up removing your shoes anyway. Until then, just know, nobody is as hung up as you over fashionable shoes, your ugly feet, your holey socks, your sweaty pads, your hairy toes, your corns, your thin ankles or whatever it is you’re so self conscious about. If your “condition” was that bad to begin with, you wouldn’t be going out in the first place.

Here’s one last word of support. Recycling took a small learning curve. Now you’re used to it. Organic food was once, Huh? Now it’s becoming every day. You’ve learned how to use email and surf the web. You’ll be able to master removing your shoes at parties and eventually it will be so common place, you’ll be as amazed you ever gave it a second thought. Be pissed all you want, but it’s not that big a deal. Really.

What more can be added that hasn't been said in 200 posts over almost two years? Just this:

The obligation of a good host is to be hospitable. Hospitality involves making people feel at home. This forum clearly demonstrates that, for some, feeling at home entails being shoeless; for others, it entails wearing shoes. If you can't graciously accommodate BOTH those wearing shoes AND those who are shoeless, your capacity as a host may well be impaired. (And don't judge preference based on those who haven't complained about your restriction; well-mannered guests won't voice their discontent.)

Sure, you have every right to enforce the rules of your house. You can demand that guests not sit on your furniture. You can choose to only serve them Kool Aid (ugh!). But any such restrictions will necessarily increase the likelihood that your guests will not feel at home...and that degrades your performance as a host.

Good hosts endeavor to anticipate and accommodate the wants and needs of their guests. If your home cannot allow that because it has fragile flooring or because your children regularly lick the carpeting or because you're allergic to ubiquitous chemicals, you should either eschew the role of host, select a restaurant venue or accept that some guests will justifiably view you as inhospitable. And if it's the latter, you need to recognize that it's YOUR failure, not that of your guests.

I've learned much from reading these posts. As with most of my fellow Californians, I only take my shoes off when I go OUTSIDE. I've felt insulted by those who have visited my home and removed their shoes, feeling that they showed inappropriate familiarity. But now I'll try to be more tolerant. I hope those on the shoeless side have gained some similar insights.