apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Eeeks, I wish I was better at doing math in my head. I'm having about 20 people in 600 square feet for drinking and a light supper. I think we'll all squeeze in.

That description of a dead party sent chills down my spine.

Chris, that'd be 30 sq ft per guest. Looks like you need to invite 10 more people. :-)

"the four tenants of party architecture" -- would that by any chance be "four tenets"? "Four tenants" would be imply that a good party requires renting out rooms.

Hmm, my whole apartment is about 650 square feet, so minus the closets, bedroom and bathroom, and factor in that it's a supper -- somewhere between cocktails and sit-down (sliced roasted turkey, sweet potato soup shooters)-- I hope the math is with me!

Does everyone else invite the people from the apartments adjacent to theirs to their parties?

Would this be square feet minus furniture?

I agree that it's key to think about density at a party. I prefer a fairly low density--not so high that folks start ashing in the potted plants--so I stagger my guests, trying to make sure that my "favorite" guests come late, so we can enjoy party post-mortems and leftovers together.
Also, for Chris, I'd say any party that involves soup should take a 20% density discount--you don't want people sloshing all over each other, not to mention your rugs.

I usually invite my neighbors (including upstairs and downstairs), so they at least have notice that I'm having a party and it may be loud.

Wende, perhaps it's a reference to the famous "rent parties" of Harlem? Click my name for more on those...

"You don't want people sloshing all over each other"

Shannon, you are NO fun. ;)

Wende--
Not to be confused, either, with the Four Tenors of Party Architecture.
Which would DEFINITELY require a change in the square-footage formula.

Oh, this makes me so nervous. I always have carefully planned dinner parties for 6-12 and they have been very succesful... but for my holiday drinks and fancy home-made desserts party in two weeks I wanted to go a little more busy, and maybe get people dancing. so it looks to be my main party space is the living-room/kitchen, that's probably 250 sq feet, or maybe a bit bigger or smaller but that includes furniture and such. and maybe 20-something people have RSVPed. hope this works and they all show (but don't bring TOO many friends).

Shannon! Fascinating! Nothing cheers me up like learning something new. I'm working on a novel about the housing rush in suburban California, so I may have to have the huge Cambodian family in the two-story house hold a mortgage party, to the dismay of their neighbors. (Whoa -- I think that's what my parents' neighbors are doing with the loud parties at the end of every month.)

Okay, p(too): Carreras, Domingo, and Pavarotti (better enlarge the kitchen!), but who's #4?

... though I guess in a pinch if it's super-crowded, guests could go into the bedrooms to chat.

I don't invite people from the apartments next to mine--I don't know them at all and they're much older than all of my guests, who range in age from 24-32.

OK, this is my third comment now, but I'm so glad this topic has come up since this is my first real party that's not a dinner party. I've been working for weeks to get a nice guest list of people who will get along well, cleaning and decorating, and testing dessert recipes (I'm lactose intolerant and have a bunch of vegan friends so I had to find dairy-free desserts that actually taste really good to dairy-lovers--so far I've found an amazing chocolate rum cake recipe that you would never guess had tofu in it)...

I'm doing the soup as a "shooter" served on a silver tray in little cut glass juice glasses, so I guess I don't need the square foot discount. Got this idea while browsing In Style's party book at B&N. I'm trying to squeeze in as many holiday traditional tastes and colors, but switch it up: sweet potato as a soup shooter, bacon grease in the gingersnap cookies, ginger in the cosmos . . .

These numbers seem a bit off. By that table if I were to hold a cocktail party in my cubicle group (4 tiny desks), we should have between 8 and 12 people. Seems a little tight to me.

By my math, the table says I can hold a sophisticated dinner party for 10 in my 218 sq ft apartment. That's awfully good to know, because all this time I've apparently been wasting my time trying to figure out how to seat two adults and a cat.

I do also wonder what how "sophisticated" a dinner party can be with "plates on laps."

Oh my, Doug! Now I'm trying to imagine any sort of party for 10 in my neighbor's living room (about 2/5s of a 500-sq-ft apt). My best guess is that one might as well skip the food and go straight to playing Twister.

Duh, just throw your party like the pros.

at the beginning of the night, section off one area, and keep them all there, for example, section off the living room so people go in there and so it gets full. or just section the dining room so it gets full, so people must stand and can't sit on living room furniture and not mingle. then at end of night, close off areas to clean.

try to separate with a screen or something or curtain or turn off lights or put a table in middle to divide area. or hang up some xmas lights to divide it.

t's a graduate from the NYPD school of party planning ;)

If I was having a big blow-out party I definitely always invited the neighbors, and even one silver-haired neighbor dropped in (and this is at a party of twenty-somethings). Granted he was a pretty unconventional guy and his boyfriend was about my age.

No party comments, but that pic of Audrey is amazing. Shows why she'll be an icon forever.

I'm actually desperate afraid of hosting a party. I CAN bear going to them on the odd occasion, though. Maybe it's because I like most of my friends better by themselves, and don't really want to squander my time with them?

Naw... that can't be it.

chris...
bacon grease ginger snaps? LOL! hide the vegans!

Shannon, YOU are hilarious, even tho I'm for a little crowd control to make a party work

the secret to a dance party:
turn down the lights, and turn the music up loud

make people seek refuge outside the main room if they want to talk. otherwise you will be stuck with a chatty chatty party and no delirious sweating

I also like to ramp up the music -- disc one for getting ready, disc two for mingling cocktails, disc three for dancing, disc four for late dancing and winding down.
iTunes has made this much easier than those old mix tapes we used to have to make...

Make my funk the P-Funk!

Sweating at parties is HIGHLY overrated.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't over-heat!!!!

I had a cocktail party, and I think the problem was that I didn't have the density right...everyone took a seat and basically made a huge circle, so that everyone was talking to everyone...it was not what I was going for. The attendees didn't seem to mind, and everyone had a good time (i mean, hard not to with such great drinks!) but it wasn't what I imagined either.

Oh, and another thing...how does one calculate number to invite versus number who might come? I guess that's case dependant, but that's always something I have a hard time calculating.

anyone ever been to an indoor/outdoor apartment party in the winter? i have a great private roof deck that is a necessary component of any party due to small apartment. only way to get the density back up from "molten lava" to just "hot"
anyway how did it work out?
i'm thinking outdoor space heaters maybe?

Bacon grease in the gingersnap cookies! Yuck!

Seriously though, warn people before they have some. I've been a vegetarian for 14 years, and I get sick when the vegetable soup isn't veggie stock...

Um, do you have to warn them when there's *butter* in the cookies?

And, I always wondered... if a non-vegetarian host is expected to provide a meatless dish for vegetarian guests, do vegetarian hosts provide the same courtesy by making sure to prepare something with meat for the guest carnivores?

Hello, all. I've been lurking on (and addicted to) Apartment Therapy for ages but have never posted. But I can't resist now. I just wrote a book with my sister about throwing cocktail parties (the take is sort of "how to entertain stylishly without caterers, six-figure bank accounts or nervous breakdowns"). At any rate, we use a seats-to-guests ratio instead of square footage: Invite 3 guests for every seat in the main party space in order to get that great cocktail-party swirliness. But don't just count the chairs and sofa-- include any place guests might perch, like ottomans, wide windowsills, the piano bench. It's worked for us in lots of different homes. I offer it up as another way to calculate!

Not sure I've been to a vegan party, but if I'm intentionally invited to one, I might be tempted to eat a cow en route, just in case.

Speaking of density, the blog party was clearly off-the-charts in the hot category - I walked by 8ish and couldn't even get past the door! Sorry I didn't get to meet any of you ;-).

I love to entertain, and I think Lauren's approach makes a bit more sense - going by square footage doesn't account for furniture, etc. as other posters have pointed out. The sectioning off model does sound a bit awkward, however - you can basically do the same thing by planning different "watering holes" throughout the room, since people will congregate where the food and liquor are.

For example, I tend to put all the main dish food on my dining table, the bar in the adjacent kitchen, desserts on a sideboard and additional snacks on the coffee table, which encourages people to spread out.

The other things I think are important for a good cocktail party are:

1) Keep the food and alcohol in separate areas of the party to create a reason for people to move around a bit. (This means keeping food separate from major seating areas too...or guests will plop on your sofa and graze rather than walking around.)

2) Be a good host. If you're inviting people who don't know each other, make sure you introduce them to someone new when they arrive (and again to someone else during the evening). During the intro, offer up a few tidbits of info about possible common interests, hobbies, recent vacations, careers, ANYTHING that they might be able to latch onto for an initial conversation.

Mikhaela - for great lactose-free, vegan-friendly recipes, you can look at the recipe board at www.helpforibs.com. The IBS recipes sometimes use egg whites, but, otherwise, are great. Totally dairy-free. And they happen to be low-fat, too, because of the IBS diet.

Lauren's approach is definitely more practical for me.

Also, as far as deciding the ratio of those invited vs. those who actually show up. I usually go through the entire list and mark certain people according to their likelihood to come. Some people are 'definitelys', some are 'maybes' and some are 'long shots'. I plan for:
100% of 'definitelys' +
50% of 'maybes' +
20% of 'long shots'

I also try to allow for those people who tend to bring more people unannounced.

I do have a problem alloting more apartment space to entertaining though. I'd like to really get people to spread out over the entire apartment instead of just the kitchen and living room. About 200 of my 700 s.f are in the bedroom, how can I arrange it to make people more comfortable socializing there?

we're doing a cocktail/heavy apps. party for about 40 in my house. All of our rooms have some seating options, so we're doing a game to keep everyone flowing and moving into different areas. We're posting old school x-mas cards on the walls that correspond with an x-mas songs. guests will (hopefully) mingle through the house trying to guess all of them.

we're also serving PJ (purple jesus = drunk, college), and I'm sure that will liven up the crowd

Your calculations are awesome Danae. I work at an event rental store and I never know what to tell people when they ask me how many people are going to come to their party. I guess I can now throw out my crystal ball and give them your formula.

As far as making the bedroom more inviting, I've always found that draping fabric around makes people feel as though the space has been decorated for the event (in case they're skeeved out at lounging around on your bedsheets) Maybe popping a few chairs (rented from your local party store!) around the bedroom would make it more accomodating.

IMHO you should provide veggie food if you know you're having vegetarians. Kind of like you wouldn't serve a meal based on peanuts if you knew someone was allergic. I know being a vegetarian is their decision but I feel it's showing respect to them and their choices.

Jamie -- What's in a purple Jesus?? It sounds like it'd be up my alley.

Purple Jesus is a mix of essentially everything in your parents liquor cabinet + kool-aid. At least it was when I was a kid. I went to a Christmas Party this week and they had something similar called Jungle Juice. It was literally:

1 bottle Lime vodka
1 bottle raspberry vodka
2 cans fruit punch concentrate
2 cans welch's grape juice concentrate

and i suspect someone threw in some more vodka. Anyway, purple jesus I think is supposed to be purple kool-aid mixed with everclear and/ or vodka. I'm a little blurry on the actual ingredients, but I have to say even my mom remembers it from her college days! :-)

we're doing everclear, purple kool-aid, and hawaiian punch!

i think these are all fascinating tenets that i will keep in mind for the future but i think there's one that's been left off the list that totally trumps the others: hosting. Hosting is: introducing your guests to each other with something that you know they have in common so they have something to start a conversation with, making sure the wallflower is up and talking, keeping people moving, refreshing drinks and generally making sure that everyone is taken care of. then you can flex the rest of the rules & still have a hot party (i.e. 350 in a 900 square foot apt!)

Always factor that 20% of the invited guests will not attended - that will give you an idea of how many guests to expect.

danae - love your formula
jamie - the game is a good idea

all - don't forget fabulous music regardless of what kind of fete you are hosting!

cheers

CG - The best way to get people to make use of outdoor space, even in cold weather, is a fireplace. I have a small firepit specifically for outdoor use that throws great heat and creates amazing ambience. You can find them online in different styles, sizes and costs.

You've just put in writting my GREATEST FEAR!! It's why i've never had a real soiree. Not even a birthday party to me.
With this new plan, i'm going to try it. Just gotta find someone to do the math for me;).

as an event planner i'm thrilled to see so many party people in the place. i just bought my condo (500sqft) and can not wait to host a soiree! i really like lauren's formula for guest count. what's the name of your book lauren?

but all this presupposes one has friends, drinks booze, and wears togas!

i like small dinner parties where people can talk. i also really like my friends (ok, and everyone else in the world) singularly, and not in group formation.

i don't like group formations.

P(too),

As a vegetarian guest I do not expect people to go to a lot of trouble to accommodate me, but I would hope they wouldn't add a pointless carnivore ingredient to an item such as gingersnaps that are usually ovo-lacto vegetarian. Why add pointless restrictions for people you supposedly like.

For a dinner party, I let the hostess know that I'm vegetarian and offer to bring a vegetarian dish.

As a hostess I don't offer totally meatless food because my significant other likes to cook and isn't a vegetarian. If I lived alone, I would serve only vegetarian food when entertaining, but I wouldn't kick you out for bringing in crab dip or BBQ!

I think the square footage formula should be a consideration, but not a subsitute for thoughtful furniture placement (which may or may not include re-arranging, or temporarily removing some of your normal furnishings). I have been to spacious homes where there is plenty of seating, but it is all too far apart to have effective conversation with anyone but the person directly next to you. Also, I was at a party this past summer where the hostess actually ran over and put her hand under someone's drink as they were placing it down on a table. This was the only surface in the vicinity and there were no coasters available -- needless to say, this made for an uncomfortable remainder of the party (complete with whispering and chuckling). As a host/hostess, making your guests welcome and comfortable is of utmost priority -- without this, no one can have fun! In addition to sufficient square footage, make sure there is enough seating, plenty of surfaces for drinks -- oh, and periodically check in to make sure there's toilet paper on the roll!

OH, and regarding the vegetarian issue -- I think it is a polite gesture to those with known special diets to discretely orient them with the food to make them aware of which dishes have been prepared with the ingredient(s) they have an aversion to. This is from someone who just hosted Thanksgiving for 18, including (2) vegetarians, (1) diabetic, (1) celiac and (1) peanut allergy.

I'm so glad for this entry. My roommate and I are stressing out about a Christmas party we're throwing, because all but one of the 30 people we invited have said yes and our apartment is about 700 square feet.

We're starting the party early, at 7:30, with the hopes that people might come early and leave, or arrive late. We have a galley kitchen; it's seems crowded when there are three people in it. We were thinking of having most of the drinks and vittles in the dining area and maybe some in the living room area.

But my question is, it seems that it will be inevitable that people will go into our bedrooms. Should we utilize that space for actual party territory? Maybe putting a drink station in there? Or is that a no-no?

Thanks.

I'm with you, kdkaboom. Just thinking about the kind of crowded cocktail party that other seem to adore makes me tense up in anxiety. I've also never understood why a party that "starts at 8" doesn't really start at 8.

I guess this is why I throw dinner parties.

Interesting ideas! I'm having a holiday party soon and will use the bedroom for coats--based on previous parties, people will end up hanging out there (we have a galley kitchen so no hanging out in there). We have a projector and got a Channel 11-type dvd of a fireplace. Any other ideas of stuff to project? We had La Dolce Vita at anothe party which looked cool, but I think people got too involved with the story. We're also starting much earlier than normal and invited parents & kids for cookie decorating (we don't have kids), hope it's not an icing disaster!

SD913,

Lauren's comment was back in 2005, but her book has to be Cocktail Parties, Straight Up! by Lauren Purcell. (The Amazon review mentions that the authors are sisters.)

I just put it on my Amazon wish list.

My rule of thumb on the invited vs actual guests in 50%. Regardless of the 'regulars' who'll always come, the mebbes if-Ive-not-gotten-a-betta-invite, and the hail mary invites, it stands the empirical test.

I love throwing parties! Don't be afraid! Unless it's a seated dinner or formal party just invite all the friends you have and if it ends up too crowded, oh well, did you really want to leave people out?

I can't believe no one has posted yet about party favors... I love sending people home with a little cheapie something. I hosted a secret santa party for about 12 girlfriends last year, and surprised them all at the end (and myself basically too, since I about forgot to give them out....thank you booze) with $5 pashminas from Canal St. They made a beautifully colorful arrangement all rolled up in a basket, and everyone loved them. This year I am hosting a holiday cocktail party, and just went by Pearl River Mart and picked up some little random goodies for grab bag parting gifts (funny sake cups, harmonicas, a yoyo, etc). Just goofy silly things that probably only my friends will like, but fun all the same.

Luisa in Dallas,

thanks! i didn't even notice some of these posts were that old.

in response to defjam's bedroom question - if you're comfortable having people in your bedroom, then it's totally fine to use it as an entertaining space. Assuming your in a city (like NYC) where as much as half of the real estate in your apartment is tied up in the bedroom, sometimes it's silly not to use it. An actual drinks station might be a bit much, but try not to cover the bed with coats, provide an extra chair or two and definitely have music. Then encourage a few close friends to hang out in there to let other guests know it's a party space and you should be fine!

yes! Here's the scene: a B-movie actor-slash- avante garde musician invited me to a dinner party. I came an hour late. I was still only the third person there. When dinner was served two hours later to the 30 or so guests, it was enough for maybe 2 or 3 people. I brought a bottle of scotch. We emptied it. We were still hungry and drunk. I met some really amazing people and had a great time. Now when I go to events like these, I fill my pockets with cheerios or slimjims.
-videonerdann

Oh, the horror...
http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a286/MAGNAVERDE/DESK--tooearly--tissot.jpg
-magnaverde

The word is "tenets" as in the four tenets of giving a party are . . . (not Tenants).

- lucidez777

Personally, I prefer the few people sitting around a living room. Crowds are overrated.
-charlenemcbride

yey small but cool! since moving to a smaller apartment my parties have been so much better!


-Louisa

I can't wait to see the post on lighting. I used to be constantly amazed by how often I'd walk into a so-called party and find glaring overhead lighting and no music at all. After many years of trying to be the music & lighting fairy, I've (mostly) given up. Apparently I run in circles of people who are as dense about "mood lighting" as they are about "mood music." Do our stimulating conversations make up for these things? Sometimes... but usually only after some has turned the lights down and put on some music.
-honeyhaze

when planning the menu, please keep in mind....a vegetarian doesn't eat meat, but meat eaters CAN eat vegetarian very easily.

There is way to much math involved with throwing a party. You guys are scaring me! ;-)

Patrick #2, as to your question about whether vegetarian hosts are obliged meat:

Since most humans who eat meat are not strict carnivores but rather omnivores, serving a veggie-based meal would not preclude them from eating. Whereas serving a meat-based meal to vegetarians would. Besides, quite often I find the vegetarian dishes at parties are the ones that get scarfed up first... by the omnivores! Veggie fare these days is pretty damn tasty. Just stop by your local Trader Joe's if you need proof.

Sorry... didn't see dM's much more succinct post before posting my long-winded one (which has a typo... it should say "whether vegetarian hosts are obliged to serve meat").

I live in a 3200 sq ft house and have the problem of too much space for a great party. People hang out in the kitchen and great room leaving all the other rooms empty or a few will break off and leave the group to chat. There is no energy with all the space in the house. I now see that I can invite 150 more people to get things moving.

I find this formula fascinating, but the horror story in opening is usually not for a lack of planning as much as a lack of friends to fill the space. In the

uyyy 60 people and one bathroom!!

This seems very contrived to me. What's wrong with inviting all the people you enjoy spending time with, regardless of "density?"