apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Hardly anybody I know has the space to follow the first two bullet points but I have had and been to some blowouts! I totally agree with zone out. Here are my personal hints

lighting - keep it warm or sexy, dim


music - keep it appropriate, but never depressing or too loud or soft. Make sure it gets turned up during the party. If in doubt, everybody loves funk music, if its a chill party try New Orleans Funk, when it gets later try P-Funk.

Booze, make sure there's plenty of it, easy to reach and ice to keep things chilled so you can enjoy your own party and not constantly restock. Keep offerings to a minimum to avoid confusion and a messy bar-beer, wine and 1 or 2 liquors each with a mixer

GARBAGE, this may sound lowbrow, but if its a houseparty and you don't have a maid, have a couple garbage cans in obvious places so empties dont stack up on you surfaces. Definately keep one by the bar area.

This is more of a don't that I learned first hand.

Don't let other people gather in the kitchen with you. Especially in NY where kitchens tend to be small in even the more spacious apartments, it's hard enough to maneouver on your own, much less with a couple of well meaning friends. Chances are you will need to run in and out of the kicthen fairly often during a party, it's best to set up things so that everyone else has next to no reason to hang out there.

My recommendation is finish cooking ahead of time and to place the food and drink as far from the kitchen as conveniently possible. Same goes for trash, try to have a garbage container outside of the one in the kitchen.

If you can come up with a way to keep people out of the kitchen during a party, short of putting up an invisible electric fence, please share it. When I was doing catering work I would be at parties in homes. No matter how big the space, how far away the bar was set up and how much food was placed around the party area, everyone seemed to gather in the kitchen, just a few inches away from those of us trying to work in there. We did all we could do deter them from staying in the kitchen but instead of leaving they would press themselves up against the frig or wall and say "oh sorry, am I in the way?" But it would have taken a bomb threat to get them out of there.

My one and only party architecture rule: do whatever it takes to avoid the phenomenon in which everyone ends up sitting in a big circle having one big conversation, a la group therapy. This can include removing some portable seating, rearranging the furniture, or, in a pinch, hustling some people to another area (to help, to see the rest of the place, to visit the cats...) In my experience, parties that begin with the Circle never quite recover.

Fair point about not having enough space to spread things out, or place the bar.

The gist of it is to avoid putting the bar, food and music together; to use the bar and food to draw people into the room (and out of the kitchen); and to not have it too loud at the entrance. All this will help create good flow. More in an upcoming post.

I loved the other great ideas. No conversation circles! Always plenty of ice. . .

Hey what's wrong with a Kitchen Party? We love them here in Newfoundland.

I agree, me. I found this post to be very tacky.

Nobody should be "working" in the kitchen during a party.

Make everything beforehand, big style. If you have things catered, get them done before the party. I don't think it necessary to have hot food constantly coming at a standard party. If it's a dinner party, your guests are sitting anyway.

Not a big deal in a large space, but in a small apartment, it's just too much activity when everyone in the space should be kicking back.

Oh so much here I totally agree with.

The last time my boyfriend and I entertained we made everything before hand and while everyone was sitting down we warmed the food up.
We were able to be hosts since we werent stuck in the kitchen.

With cocktail parties, I try and put the alcohol and beer in my back patio in big tubs of ice. I also try to set up a small bar area in the back that has cups and mixers. I move the cheese, crackers, dips and other small apps to other parts of the house- so there isnt just one area to grab something to eat. This seems to help to keep most people out of the kitchen.

I also have the ipod going at all times...who wants to mess with music during a party. Oh and I make sure that its not too loud so that everyone hear eachother.

Although I can appreciate the instruction re: arranging your space to enhance socializing, I find this post a bit harsh.
What kind of friend are you that the day after a party you criticize it publicly? Do you share your views on "why your party wasn't so great" with your two friends?
As a frequent party-giver myself, I would be very upset if I found out that my guests were posting online that my party was "blocked" and had "bad structure."
Miss Manners would not approve -- and honestly, I believe that friendship and manners trounce "party architecture" every time.

Tip: Zone off the kitchen with a baby-gate/cat-gate.

I'm curious about the volume control and music question: we recently had about 50 people for cocktails and a buffet dinner and the roar of conversation was continuous throughout the entire evening. The hours we'd spent carefully selecting appropriate music seemed like a complete waste of time that well could have been spent doing something else - like napping during the afternoon. And the sound of that roar was far more energizing than any music could have been.

I just had 52 people at my apartment Saturday night. My goal was to create interest areas that people would congregate around so that mixing/mingling was not an option but a requirement, and so no one area was over-populated.

All the furniture got broken up and placed along the walls in small groups so that 4-5 people per area could sit at a time. The bar and the food table were kept separate, and I had a couple of games (shake the present under the tree-guess the contents & some Christmas trivia) scattered around the place to draw people away from congregating in any one area. I am also fortunate enough to have outdoor space that I decorated as much as inside, and sure enough, people were out there all night.

We avoided guests in the kitchen by having everything ready when the guests arrived and then shutting the kitchen light off as we left it. The light remained off and the party remained in two other rooms.

i always set up two drinks stations and food in different places, even unexpected places, all in the name of moving people move around, otherwise they all tend to congregate in one spot (around the food and the drinks) and then you have party stalemate. i always set up everything before and give myself enough time to have a drink before eveyone arrives and hosting duties begin. with the music loud enough to be lively but not loud enough so guests have to shout to be heard.

I read this post earlier and came back to see if anyone felt like I did. I too felt it was a bit rude. Imagine you've just thrown the first party in your new place that you've just done all this work on, and your "friend" sells you out on a message board telling everyone how your party didn't flow.

You could have simply poasted the bulleted advice without setting-it up as a cautionary tale about your friends' inability to set up a good party. Thank god you'll never be coming to any of my parties.

Seems like you would still need music for the beginning of the party, when there's only a few people and the rest are still arriving. It's weird being one of the first people and having nothing to listen to except silence.

And incidentally, perhaps it's only a super cosmopolitan thing to so badly shun being in a kitchen at a party ... most parties I've been to in my life had the best vibe in the kitchen. Especially in the midwest where the kitchens are large and purposely have sitting areas built in so people can gather around everywhere.

There's a reason why the kitchen is called the heart of the home.

Writers often personalize a fictional story (or change details such as when it happened for a better effect), I would be pretty surprised if Maxwell is actually talking about a party he attended last night.

Bar- Once you've graduated college it is time to move beyond the 'beers in a tub of ice' party stage of your life.

And please post the following sign above your liquor cabinet- "friends don't let friends mix their own drinks." Do you really want that good quaility vodka mixed with cola? Or your favorite wine mixed with 7-up (also known as my Nana's wine spritzer).

If you read the previous examples without concern, then you should ask yourself why you are serving bathtub-brewed swill to people you supposedly like enough to invite to your home.

Some tips:

1. Designate a bartender. Please note I did not write, "hire a bartender." There is no reason you can't have a swanky get together on a budget. You have a complimentary bartender in your best friend, spouse or signifcant other.

2. Offer your guests a choice of specific cocktails that reflect the theme of the party or the atmospehere you are trying to create. This also helps to keep your beverage costs down.

3. Choose a signature cocktail for the evening. This helps create a memorable and festive experience.

4. Throw away your Rose's Lime Juice and sour mix. If you haven't yet purchased fresh citrus fruit for your party, then you have another stop to make.

A side note- If you walk into a bar and don't see any fresh limes or lemons about- leave immediately. For $12 a cocktail someone should be squeezing juice.

Food - I like to serve what I call interactive food, such as satays, that guests cook (well really re-heat as they have been precooked the day of) over a table top grill. You can find these at restaurant supply stores. This is a great way to get guests to interact.

I am in a one-bedroom condo and I don't know if it's possible to have a party without everyone ending up in a circle--there just doesn't seem to be enough space to have separate little areas and conversations. How do people accomplish that?

If someone wants to mix your good vodka with cola, why do you care? You don't have to drink it, so quit worrying about someone else's uncouth cocktail. And if you don't want them consuming your vodka, then why isn't it hidden away until after the party, anyway?? If you're going to have a bartender, hire one. Who wants to be invited to a party only to be stuck behind the bar all night.

Man, why can't people just throw a party and have a good time without it just being a stuffed-shirt affair? And boo to the nixing of the beer-in-the-bucket kind of parties. Do you people never go to BBQs???

Thank god the entire world doesn't take having fun so seriously as some people on here.

pixie, i have the same question! i am having about 20 people over to my 600-some square foot studio in a few weeks. something tells me i may end up having people sitting on my bed! i would love to hear people's advice on entertaining and setting up the right flow/structure/whatever in *small* spaces. no way am i having multile bars and unexpected food areas.

gk ... people sitting on your bed at a party doesn't have to be a bad thing ... put a bunch of throw pillows and cozy lighting around it and make it look as though you *meant* it to be a conversation area... not that you ran out of space.

Nobody mentioned placing the bar at the fartherest point from the bathroom. I was taught to keep them moving.

i also went to a wingding sat night--no names-- where the hostess went out of her way to say she bought diet pepsi for me, the non-drinker.
when she said she bought diet pepsi, she meant she bought one six pack of it, which other people immediately consumed (at a party of 60+).
hey, some people don't drink and drive. so, my suggestion is to also have water, sodas (plenty) for non-drinkers or designated drivers.
sheesh.

I'm with you, gk! actually, I just had a party that was mostly in a circle, though I did get it broken up finally. But considering that my living room is essentially a small square, it was hard to avoid. anybody have advice for next time? my kitchen has no seating and my bedroom has a cat-in-hiding, so the living room is the best option I've got for a gathering place.

FYI: This was reposted from last year...the party was NOT recent. Also, what do these signatures mean? Did Maxwell write this or someone else?

- Billy Mac (Not Maxwell) (Pic: Sahst23)

(RePosted from 2005-12-09 - MGR)
- maxwell

I totally agree with the comments about this post being rude - even if its a totally fictional party you're talking aobut here it has made you come across as the kind of person who would criticise theirs friends and thats just not nice.

As for party architecture all you need to remember is to have enough places for people to sit - and to move furniture back against the walls if possible - people don't care about the "flow" - people care about having a good time - for me and my friends we nearly always all end up sitting in a big circle - sometimes the whole circle interacts in one big conversation - sometimes the circle breaks up into lots of little conversations - we ALWAYS have a great time - and thats what parties are about - not being pretentious!

We entertained in a tiny condo with a tiny living room -- it helps to go vertical to make different conversation areas. We put giant floor pillows in front of the fireplace, had two tall barstools, and tried to shove the furniture around so people weren't in one big group.

Also, I agree with ridge -- in a small place, everything has to be up for grabs: the kitchen, the bedroom, the stairs...

I agree with what others have said about clearly being a bit more down-home than the original poster. I'm more of the barbecue/drinks in the cooler/sitting in the kitchen type. And my girlfriend enjoys people gabbing with her while she cooks, providing they sit down and stay of the way.

I found myself wedged between a column and a couch, and later boxed in a corner wishing I smoked so I could escape outside.

This struck me as funny, I know it's just the wording, but the implication is that there's No! Exit! Ever! unless you have a cigarette to serve as a letter of transit.

We just ripped out the wall between our kitchen and living room and created a 13-foot counter height bar so that people can feel like they're in the kitchen without actually being in it. We like to cook and chat at the same time, so that keeps the kitchen folk in the loop too.

We have a dining room that's open to the living room (another ripped down wall) and an L-shaped sectional that can be separated into two parts - and I still have trouble figuring out how to avoid the circle of doom. We've got a big party coming up to celebrate the gut-renovation of our condo and I need to figure out a solution!

Oh, and we also have a very large balcony, which is where we will keep beer on ice. (In nice party buckets -- not igloo coolers.)

I think it's good to think about flow because it means you're thinking about your guests. Some people don't really think about their guests or think through their setup. I like a considerate host, myself.

I don't think that this was rude at all. Say you're the only one who reads this and takes anything away from it. You have a kickass party rather than a mediocre/bad one. That's one person talking badly about a party keeping 30 (or more, however many people the person would have invited) from talking bad about YOUR party.

And might I remind everyone that there are several etiquette (sp?) books that use parables about a "friend" in order to better illustrate principles. Whether these friends are real or constructs doesn't matter- the writer is still trying to help save you from embarrassment. What's rude about that?

I also don't know why everyone is making such a huge deal about The Circle. I had a party last Thursday, and about half the guests ended up standing in the eat-in kitchen, and half sitting in the NARROW living room. Since it's so tiny, it's impossible to truly create seperate conversation areas. And I guess it wasn't so much a circle as a crowded ellipse... people would sometimes have small conversations, sometimes large ones, and you know what? It was great. Don't worry about The Circle so much; worry about being anal and pretentious enough to tell your friends what they can and can't drink!

It's not making a huge deal; it's exploring alternatives. That's a lot of what this site is about. I would prefer to find an alternative to the Circle -the Circle means the conversation can be taken hostage and everyone has to talk about the same thing. That has honestly made me uncomfortable at my own parties sometimes. For instance, let's say a couple of people are talking about parenting. When everyone's in a circle, that can be boring for others, and maybe people don't want to be rude; I haven't figured out a way to create separate conversation spaces because of how my place is set up. It's ok sometimes to have a circle, but I'd like to see if anyone has any other thoughts on this and see what the alternatives are.

this was a very intresting topic

Here we do it like this
each guest brings their own cooler bag stocked with their prefered drink ( which they keep next to their seat the whole time), each bring their own meat of choice, and we have a Big "braai" better known as a BBQ, we sit around ( yes in a circle ) around the fire, The Hostess provides all the salads and side diches made before hand.

And if the girls wanne chat ( gossip ) we all hang in and around the kitchen. ( luckily we have Big kitchens )

so in other words, we do everything that is your biggest nightmare lol

I think it was rude to comment on a friend's party publicly like this. I'd hate to invite you over with the knowledge you'd write it up and comment the next day.

I've done the zone party well, even in a small space.

And there is a time and a place for a kitchen party, I love a good one, but I like to be swanky sometimes, too.

I have always had roommates and before a party move all the furniture around to create hubs, all spread from each other and all with a bit of snack. The drinks go out of the kitchen and the food as well. Treat a party like you're planning a kitchen. The triangle approach. That way, there's not a bottleneck at the bar/food. Guest can get food, and move on, then get a drink, and move on to mingle and dance if need be.

Make furniture easy to negotiate around with two hands full. Sit in each place and see which other seats are easy to chat with. If it's more than 5 other seats, reconfigure.

And have a happy party...don't drink too much if your the host, you still have to clean up!

Oh it's just a rhetorical device, would you all relax?

Do people actually dance at house parties in NY? How odd.

I hosted a party Saturday night and went to a party Sunday night. My party was small, with 10 people. The nightmare was that 2 of the guests showed up at 6:45, 2 others showed up at 6:50, and the rest came between 7:00 and 7:10. I wouldn't have minded, except for the fact that my roommates had left a scrap of foil on the roll so I didn't have enough to wrap around the biscuits when it was time to put them in the oven, so my friend and co-host ran to the store to get more. This left me racing around trying to finish the last touches. I answered the door not quite ready for guests (jeans, tee, no makeup). Thankfully they asked to help, which I hated, but they seemed pleased. While they got set up with drinks, I changed and did a quick makeup job. It ended being a pretty good party, despite the rough beginning.

The party Sunday night was really awkward, with The Circle and people who didn't really know each other. My friend (the host) did the best he could with his small space and conversational skills, but it kind of died.

Remind me to take you off my guest list...

We have a fairly set structure for winter parties. We move the kitchen island under the kitchen and use that for the bar. The food is in the dining area (living and dining are one room) with the table against the wall. Then we move some of the furniture out of the living area to make more circulation space. We usually end with several small groups including some who migrate to the stairs and the first landing.

Pixie (and others),
I think the only way to avoid The Circle in a really small space is to invite a lot of people over, so that not everyone can sit down. If you try this, make sure there are a LOT of people who can't sit at once. If it's only one or two, they'll be stuck standing against a wall, extending The Circle from above....