First, nothing like a good debate. Second, we're sorry to have been slow to the fray. Maxwell has been travelling and in and out of Internet contact. Moreover, he's managed to get the flu in transit. So, you know, perfect storm. Thus, we're stepping in as a family just to clear up a few facts. And also to thank everyone, both those with kind words and those with thoughtful criticisms or concerns...
Dear All,
Here's the bottom line: the Gillingham-Ryan's primary residence is absolutely their small rental apartment in Manhattan. They live there all year around. That said, they do own, and have for many years, property in the village of Springs near East Hampton. Without getting into all the gory private and complicated details, the fact is the G-R's do have a summer getaway, and that has never been hidden. Indeed, as noted, Maxwell has blogged about this in the past. Given that they are not in the Manhattan apartment every single day of the year, the "365 day" quote from Oprah is not strictly accurate, and Maxwell probably shouldn't have said that. Chalk this up to wanting to please Oprah's producers who liked the line. We also hope that no one is in their apartment 365 days a year; we all need a break.
That said, the apartment is by no means a tax shelter, or any of the other things mentioned. As for the future. Maxwell has said that he'd like to hold on to the apartment, living there for as long as possible. At this point, that's entirely hypothetical. It could be a place for other family members or friends to take over, or the G-R's could decide to let it go. No doubt we will take this discussion of the ethics of rent stabilization into account. For now, we enjoy our home, have a wonderful relationship with our neighbors and the building's owner. We manage to make a few splurges in some places and are thrifty, very thrifty, in other areas of our life. Everyone divides up their finances in different ways, but that what we do with the money we have is personal. The relevant point here is if we walk the walk, and we certainly do. If anything, perhaps we have not shared enough about the difficulties and challenges we face by living here. Pull us aside at an Apartment Therapy event, we'd be happy to tell you.
Regarding the criticism that we're not involved on the site as much anymore: the sites have grown so large that we cannot chime in on every conversation. We're so proud of how the community supports itself, it is vibrant and lively. We are running a few businesses now, we have a new family and we think the sites work pretty well without us most of the time - three reasons why we're not weighing in heavily to the threads.
We have always wanted Apartment Therapy to be a positive, cheerful place. We don't get snarky, and don't encourage our readers to either. There are plenty of other blogs where that is welcomed and supported. It doesn't mean we aren't interested in lively debate. But when commentary gets bloody or delves into anyone's personal life (ours or our readers), it will be stopped.
For the most part, the overwhelming response to the Oprah show, and anything we've ever shared that has come from our personal life has been positive and supportive. We are going to cut back on how much we share from our personal home from now on, but we hope and assume that most of our loyal and new readers come here for a variety of reasons: the design advice, the store reviews, and the inspiration. That's why we started Apartment Thearpy, and that's the place from which we'll continue to present the sites. We are so appreciative of your support, and we value your constructive criticism.
All the best,
Sara Kate, Oliver, and Maxwell
Comments (37)
Daily Email
Top Tours
- Ann's International Rest Stop
- Sarah's Bright & Tidy Live/Work Space
- Keegan's Balance of New & Old
- Dean & Steve's Rustic Railroad
- Stephanie's Village Gem
Top Posts
© 2009 Apartment Therapy
YAY!
well put. i'm sorry you were put in a position where you felt like you had to defend yourselves for your own private decisions. but you expressed yourselves with grace and dignity, and friendliness.
best of luck, and thanks for the site! it's the ONLY blog i read everyday, and only one of two blogs i actually read in general.
good for you, G-R's, and don't feel you have to apologise for anything you have!
Wow I had no idea that things had gotten so snarky after the Oprah show (I guess just looked at the pretty train pictures, the O link, and the first couple of comments which were positive). I have been coming to this site for a couple of years and love it and am thankful to Maxwell and Sara-Kate for all the work they put into it. Sometimes it is a great resource for ideas, or referrals ...sometimes it is just a great break from my day job. I am sorry that you feel you have to alter the site to insulate yourselves from the snark but it is completely understandable.
I too am sorry that you came under attack, it was so not necessary. The fact that there is a family home that you are fortunate enough to escape to occasionally does not make you a criminal, it does not diminish what you have accomplished, nor does it mean you don't "walk the walk". I am sure that other people in Manhattan are able to getaway now and then; this doesnt mean that they aren't "true" apartment dwellers!
Please enjoy the success you have worked so hard for, and hopefully those who cannot be happy for you will go to another blog to hurl their insults and accusations.
Who's Oliver?
That's me bub. Little brother to the Apartment Therapist. Think of me as the silent, minority partner who is always telling Maxwell to act more like an MBA. Look for my piece on choosing a couch from 2004. It's priceless.
Pleased ta meetcha! Don't push that MBA thing too hard...
Oliver is the G-R brother who lives in a 32,000 sq. ft home in Dubai, where he operates palacetherapy.com. He was banned from posting on AT after his how-to piece about smelting gold bars into occasional seating and for arguing compost smaller bills into mulch for his prized collection of once thought extinct orchids is a "green idea".
I jest, I jest! Oliver is a standup fella in every way :)
S-K, O and M: It's not necessary to applaud you twice for your grace and poise, but let me do it anyway.
It's certainly not necessary, however, to disagree with you twice, so for that part of what I have to say you will have to look at the Wild, Wild Thread.
Your grace, modesty and positive outlooks touch me daily even through this silly computer monitor. Like I said in an earlier post, you set a good example for all of us. And Im glad you have a forum like this to touch so many peoples lives.
Hope the negative energy that was dished out in the last day or so will leave your brains soon. Its not worth any more mental or emotional energy. Youre good people (well I dont know you, but you sure as heck seem to be). And the negativity is someone elses life. Sad for them, but not your problem.
So as you do for me regularly, Im sending positive vibes your way!
I'm always puzzled by righteousness and presumpution. I cannot understand why the haters felt it necessary to "out" Maxwell et al personal business. I DO NOT CARE!! It would seem to me that as a published author Maxwell and his family would be financially comfortable maybe even rich! but what the hell, are the haters being cheated of something?
I only got onto this website about a month ago and I must confess to being an addict, I have enjoyed the information and the banter. Funny thing is I haven't read in any of the archived logs questions regarding Maxwell's character. So I blame Oprah for bringing out the "worst" Maxwell..damn that woman. She didn't give you a car Maxwell, she gave you trifling, sanctimonious haters!!
Dear Maxwell and Sarah Kate:
Wow! I'm amazed! My feeling is that you (the G-R's) do not owe anyone an explanation of any kind. That you guys wrote such a thoughtful, comprehensive response just shows that you are indeed a lovely family with wonderful values.
A pox on all the negativity that arose: it's so vicious and nasty and snarky.
Thank you Maxwell and Sarah Kate for giving so many of us so much joy and so much useful information. You deserve every success.
Best,
Terry
So... for some bizarre reason I just had to search up Oliver's sofa madness. It was interesting and fun. Sadly, however, I still don't know which sofa was chosen by the man who uses "bub" in a sentence.
So bub, which was it?
-Harry
I agree with Terry, et. al. This is your private business and no one elses. People think they can be a**holes on the internet.
I second what Terry said.
I read this site religiously every day, although I rarely post, but I love AT. One of the things that has really struck me over the last year is how nice an on-line community has built up here, and how unlike some other blogs that I read (naming no names). And of course the content is great! Keep up the good work, and Maxwell, I hope you feel better soon!
There is so much about living/design/style out there focused solely on the wealthy. This is the only site I've found that includes the living spaces of people from a whole range of incomes. Including people like me, the really, really so not-rich. I've been inspired by the variety and creativity made available here. This is where I got the idea/courage to paint my little sons room orange (his choice) slap up some Ikea shelving, organize his art supplies, and transform his room from an ugly place to a space where he is having a beautiful childhood. I didn't have $20,000 (or even $200) to spend, but I made something wonderful happen for my child. Really, it is a big deal, and I'm grateful. Empowerment and knowledge - as goofy as that sounds - and I have the feeling I'll cringe if I re-read this, it is what I've received from the site. I appreciate your work and the willingness of everyone who posts their pictures and shares their ideas.
If your book and this site make you rich, well, good. That would be good. I'd like to think that someone can get rich by doing good. And if you were already rich, thanks for choosing to do this with your life. Thanks for helping me appreciate, as well as transform, my own.
HJ, don't cringe - what a sweet post! And what a nice thing to do for your son.
I'm surprised, too, that you even thought it necessary to respond to all the silliness. I've always been amazed that you share as much of your personal lives as you do. As a born-and-bred New Yorker, I'm used to not making eye-contact. In fact, I've thought part of the appeal of your site is precisely that we get to peek into other people's apartments-- like walking on West 10th street on a friday night and looking through the windows for a glimpse of someone else's space.
But the voyuerism takes a creepy turn indeed when strangers feel entitled to mention your *child* in unfriendly ways, for pete's sake. After those reading those stupid comments about how you raise your kid, I agree that it's time to close the curtains on your private lives. At least for a while.
Just take heart that the silent majority of your readership thinks all the vitriol is just plain pointless.
Wishing you well,
As someone who did criticize you - and does see the validity in some of the criticism. I feel many comments could have been presented more graciuosly, as you are always gracious and encourage a civilized site. Thank you for the clarifications. I appreciate it, and will continue to be an avid supporter of this site.
OK, couple thoughts:
1) I musta missed the drama. Bummer.
2) I'm not much into Oprah. Too mono-culture-y for me. YMMV.
3) Anybody who picks on anybody else for their lifestyle choices needs to get a damn hobby.
I don't much like SUVs or NASCAR or chartreuse, but the world is a big place and there's plenty of room in it for people who think differently than I do. Why can't we all just get along?
Peace be unto you.
I for one am glad AT exists otherwise how would we more fortunate ones know how ordinary mortals live. My butler is also devoted to the site.
Hi S-K-O-M,
Just so you know, since I started reading this blog 8 weeks ago I was inspired to:
- painted my whole apt in daring colors
- buy nice cheap art from local artists
- declutter and hence give away an extra bike, tons of books, clothes etc. to people who needed them
- refurnish my space with selected craigslist/ cheapo items (1000 budget TOTAL)
- in my newly lovely place now work more effectively, feel better and make more art
- enjoy relaxing DAILY on this site from my demanding job and bringing an artistic sensibility to my environment on the teeniest budget ever.( mine)
So... Thank you for inspiring me! It has made a huge difference in my everyday life.
It seems to me that Apartment Therapy is about beauty and abundance plain and simple, no matter how you define it. It doesn't have a price tag... AT is one of the few design resources that include affordable ideas, and is is full of inspiring DIY projects and ideas that are non intimidating to the design novice.
So thank you for your inspiration and pleasure-- And good for you that you are doing well, and inspiring others to live with more pleasure no matter what thier circumstances...or taste.
As for the nattering nabobs of negativity, perhaps they could use their anger to a more constructive cause...
Almost all the decorating & interior design information/inspiration available in magazines and on the web involve spending thousands of dollars on products and services on large spaces. Since I found Apartment Therapy I have been convinced that I could manage to make my small apartment beautiful even though I have little to spend. After becoming a regular reader (and buying the book after it came out) I even started getting rid of a great deal of belongings that I was thought had great personal value to me but which I've come to realize was really just a burden. Books I've carried around for decades, "collectables", and way too much other junk are among the stuff I've started to get rid of as part of my quest to make my apartment look great. (I was embarrassed to have anyone over for the last ten years.)
I've still got a good way to go in improving this place, but I used to think it was hopeless and I feel that I'm well on my way. I really appreciate this website and all that you do here.
Last summer I was in a magazine shop in Manhattan and a young woman looking at decorating magazines asked me if I could suggest one for someone with a New York sized apartment. As someone who regularly read all those magazines for decades I knew that none of them had anything for a reader with a small apartment and a small budget, but I did tell her about this website.
I'm grateful and I'm sorry you have to deal with negativity and jealousy from people on your message boards, especially at a time when you should be congratulated for getting a little recognition. I wish they had given you more time and talked about Apartment Therapy, both the book and the website.
Congratulations and Thank You!
Astonishing. I had no idea thid had gone on. Are people really so unhappy that they have to project their own freaky issues on others? G-Rs: Rock on!
I must have missed the storm as well, however as to those who criticize, find something better to do with your time.
I for one visit this site probably way to much, but I can't help but visit because where else would I find such inspiring spaces, stories, people, etc. This site has helped open my mind to a lot of things, and puts a little bit of beauty and quality design and art in my life every day. I've found that usually if you find good design, there are no PEOPLE living in the houses/ with the objects. AT has never taken the human element out and I hope it never will.
The other day when my husband suggested maybe we build a garage out at our property and live in about 600 square feet for a few years until we can build our house, to whom should I thank that I didn't freak out, but actually got excited, and started brainstorming?- Apartment Therapy.
*Oh and for those of you who will be quick to judge "property", we're not wealthy, live in Northeastern Ohio, live frugally (aka goodwill, trash day finds and the wonderful *free* library books and videos....)
Thank you for all that you have shared on this site and with grace...you've grown..we've grown and this site will continue to change and grow that is just life.
You have done something in way that no one else has; and the reality is many people think they should/could have done it also but they didn't. I missed the drama; but could sense for awhile a storm was brewing after you began to get more mainstream notice and what is now called in my circle as "The Book" gained attention.
My head is swirling...
Just spent over an hour reading this and the other post in response to the original Oprah thread. You all amaze me with the abundant energy and commitment you put towards figuring out the G-Rs, their present and future living plans, their financial status and their profit margins. Yes, they have a site. Yes, Maxwell wrote a book. I think it's lovely that they are willing to share some of their own decorating and their own theories in practice by giving us glimpses of their home. But to make a gazillion angry, bitter assumptions? It's like criticizing the way a farmer manages its crops while sitting down to a feast of farm-raised delicacies! You come here, you use this site and the book as a resource, great...that is what it's there for (thank you Maxwell). All that invasive crap about the G-R's and their lives? Who cares? Why does how they choose to use their money have any effect on you? The recent post Maxwell made regarding the O thread was well thought out and honest, but we dont need to know any of that stuff he disclosed. I dont care where they live, how they pay for it or what sponsors may or may not be involved and I dont think any of you should either. We just want to hear about sliding felt doors, polyurethane floors and closet organization. Seeing a picture of the adorable Miss Ursula is a bonus that we are privy enough to get here and there.
Thank you, Maxwell for giving us this wonderful public forum and this amazing resource. Thank you, Sara Kate for all of your contributions as well (as a cook I love the cross referencing), and collectively to the both of you for opening up your lives and your family for the good of strangers and home decorators across the globe. Inevitably, you are making yourselves vulnerable to the bitter, angry people that exist out there, but I certainly hope it will not deter you from continuing your mission, your generous donations and your kind, honest approach to improving our all of our homes and making us decorating gurus!
-Serra-
(winner in the Green Thumb Contest, Pet Décor Contest and a daily reader of AT)
I've never understood some people's need to begrudge others' good fortune or conversely celebrate their misfortune. This mentality seems to have become more pervasive with the emergence and dominance of tabloid culture. Snark is now a standard and culturally accepted method of discourse. Dissecting the latest public flameout or trainwreck is now the norm. And everything is now seemingly fair game for public discussion. Lines of propriety have been blurred and personal boundaries pushed.
It's a shame that you've been put under this amount of scrutiny. Reading how the drama has unfolded over several threads during the past few days, I can't help but feel like your sense of violation. It's also a shame that you'll be sharing less insight from your own personal home. But you didn't necessarily sign on for full-on celebrity when you started up the AT venture. So, I can appreciate your decision to reestablish the boundaries between your public and private lives.
Regarding the negativity on these specific threads... Not to sound like a prig (or my mother), but I think the overzealously negative comments say more about the commenters than the topic under discussion. Best to take them with a grain of salt.
I meant to type "Regarding the mean-spiritedness on these specific threads..."
I'm slightly confused by the language of the explanation above. In the beginning paragraph, presumeably you are referring to yourselves in third person? I couldn't follow it. Who is writing the post?
Both your posts have been extremely gracious. We did the walk with y'all, and have read the blog for a while. It's an inspiration, and you do a good job of it. Just wanted to let you know my small-apartment-living family supports your small-apartment-living family.
Most people have somewhere they get away to, be it camping, an extended family home, or hotels. The fact that a few people claim that they live 24-7-365 in dingy, cramped apartments doesn't make it wrong that most people don't live that way. I thought balance was part of the point of AT.
In terms of rent-control, as a fellow West Village resident, I think such apartments should be for the benefit of working singles or families exactly like yours. People who want their inexpensive apartment to be clean, functional, livable, not just cheap.
Try not to worry about evil exes or whatever other variety of freak Steve is!
"We also hope that no one is in their apartment 365 days a year"
Um, yes they are - thats the reality of life for a vast proportion of the population
I am glad to see that you have actually thought about peoples concerns though
If you're in your apartment 365 days a year, no vacations, no visits to family or friends, no business trips, then I highly doubt you could afford 99.99% of the things discussed on this site and all the sister sites. People don't ask "how can I dumpster dive something stylish to work in my space?" They ask about buying stuff. This is an interior design blog for middle income to high income. If you're way too poor for interior design of any kind, seriously, why are you here? And why do you think you get a vote/right to comment on others lifestyles?
anon - I am speechless at your ... well I'm not sure what to call it... stupidity?? small-mindedness??
"This is an interior design blog for middle income to high income. If you're way too poor for interior design of any kind, seriously, why are you here? And why do you think you get a vote/right to comment on others lifestyles?"
Are you seriously saying that someone that can't afford high-end furniture shouldn't be reading this blog? That they shouldn't be allowed to comment on or learn about good design? That rich people are allowed to comment on other peoples lifestyles but poor people can't??
Are you serious???? - this has to be a joke
There is no such things as "too poor for interior design" - if you really feel this way then I would presume you never visit museums or art galleries where you can't afford the items contained therein... - heaven forbid you should look at the mona lisa and enjoy its beauty!
This is a public blog on the public internet and is for EVERYONE not just those that can afford expensive furniture
and be big enough to give a name - or at least creative enough to make one up...
Just catching up to this (belatedly)--Violetsrose, I think the G-K's comment was meant to reflect the experience of the majority of people, who of course don't all have summer getaways, but who do at least take the odd weekend away, or visit parents for a week, or, heck, crash at their boyfriends'/girlfriends' pads for a few days. I think they were speaking very literally to that 365-day comment, much as their critics were.
But I do agree with you that there is nothing elitist or economically exclusionary about this blog!