apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Does anyone know how I can submit a "good question"? I tried sending an email to the "contact us" address but didn't get a reply...

TIA

wow, we're back? where did we go?

Is there any word on AT coming to Boston? I did some searching through the archives and found a bunch of people asking the same question but no answers :(

metromom - just email Maxwell with your question and accompany it with a photo. You won't get a response. He gets tons of Good Questions and will post yours if he so chooses. Be patient.

we definitely need more Open Threads on AT. what i learn from others via the Threads is so helpful - even if i don't participate. I think they should be peppered more on the Main page as well. they're hardly ever there.

i actually do have a question. ;-p

what's the best grout bleacher, in your opinion? my bathroom grout is very old and dark gray now from wear and tear and age. it's a bit mottled too. but i don't have the money to replace my grout now. do i just use a powerful cleanser? or is there some kind of grout replacement i could lay on top of the old stuff from a tube (the kind you can tease out with a caulking gun)?

I'm not really sure where to post this but there is AN awesome set of articles from New York magazine on the web right now for their 40th anniversary. It is basically a republish of their 1968 magazine. Immensely entertaining... particularly the real estate/apartment hunting section and 'recent sales'. Also, the 'best bets' in gadgets and furniture had me laughing out loud.

http://nymag.com/guides/2008/anniversary/40th/strategist/

heatherleaf,
It's not terribly green, but bleach does a great job on dingy grout. There's "thick bleach" that comes in pen-like applicators. Spread that on the grout and let sit for a while, then attack with an old toothbrush and rinse well. Hopefully your grout isn't beyond help.

thanks, michelle!

Heatherleaf -- Don't know if this is an own or a rental, but bleach breaks down the grout and will greatly shorten its life. Also, it will strip off any grout sealer, and thus speed the future staining of the grout. If you do go this route, buy some grout sealer and apply post-cleaning.

You likely will find it simpler to apply a one step grout stain sealer, which will cover up the stains and reseal the grout. You can find it at big box stores, or search for "grout stain" or "grout paint." They come in a variety of colors, will make the grout look like new, and will reseal the grout. Most have a built-in roll-on applicator -- very easy.

does anyone know of an artist / artisan in or around nyc who works in mosaic tile -- i have a column that i would love to have designed and tiled in the vein of gaudi'. thank you.

symbionese, my brother is a general contractor, and his tile guy specializes in bisazza glass tile mosaics. here's his site: www.dazzeltile.com

lightenup - thank you so much, i will try that method. i do own so at least if things go awry i can always try again without fear. thank you!

Heather:

It's so not "green" but Home Depot has a mold & mildew cleaner (store brand) in a white bottle (looks like Fantastik) with a silver label. It requires just a few squirts (and an open window - it's super harsh) but your grout will be as white as a Hollywood's starlet's newly veneered choppers.

I changed a CFL bulb this weekend and I am wondring if anyone in NYC knows where I can recycle it. I called 311 and there is only one drop place on West 30th. I was hoping there might be some other places in the city that recycles CFL's. I hate to throw it in the trash.

So I work in affordable housing and today was a particularly long and rough day...spent the better half walking through dozens of vacant units in a project of ours that has way outlived it's useful life and would really be better benefiting the community by being bulldozed to make way for the neighboring high school to expand it's athletic fields (I say this because it's been poorly managed, was built in a way that enables deviant behavior, and basically encourages the cycle of poverty - and for the same rent being charged, a person can live in a much better environment - the empty complex across the street will soon be rehabbed and available under the same affordable housing program).

Anyway - when I came home tonight and opened the front door to MY apartment, I felt the most amazing feeling of relief, thankfulness, and appreciation for what I have, and for this little place I am so lucky to call home. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up with the idea of buying stuff and rearranging and redecorating that I'll lose sight of what home is really all about. Today just brought me back. And I'm really grateful.

Just thought I'd share today in the newly restored open thread... :)

not having a digital camera I wonder if anyone out in AT land can help me with my bathroom storage question.

I have a sixties bathroom with one of those old in-the-wall laundry hampers. I would like to remove it and install a storage in-the-wall unit. Sterling (Kohler) makes a neat one but it is affixed to the shower door. Can anyone suggest an alternate? Thanks!

Lynne, you might have to keep it until the thaw and then take it downtown. Who knows maybe by then you'll have other non-biodegradeable stuff to recycle. Good luck :)

STLcolleen - that really was a good post. It made me appreciate my apartment, even though I'm about to have to move out of it.

I also have a non-design related post. I was previously going stay in my apartment and let my boyfriend move out (not breaking up, trying to be adults and grow individually), but I have decided/been kind of forced to live with my mother for a while. This, I know, is not a terrible thing and most people don't have the luxury of moving back into your parent's house for any period of time. However, since I moved out when I was 18, I now feel like I wish I had lived at home and saved THEN because I seriously crave my own space. The point of moving out of mine and bf's apartment is because he has never lived on his own - i.e. all the bills are in my name, etc. and that's the basis of the majority of our arguments. I have lived on my own before, that's why it's ok if I live with my mother. The reason for my doing so is because if I'm working full-time, I can save enough money to finally finish up my degree and THEN get my own place, without pretty much having two rents to pay (rent and tuition).

I just can't get past the fact that I want my own little apartment. I want to decorate it how I see fit, make it cozy - have my own little sanctuary. I know moving in with her is the thing to do and I really have no other choice (even with a roommate, I can barely afford to eat with rent and tuition), but it's so daunting. Even if my mother and I are best friends and are (strangely) very close.

I'm also changing jobs (my last day at the insurance company is tomorrow!) and so it's like I'm going through an entire life change. At first, I was the one who wanted to move out and let him learn life's lessons (so to speak) but now I don't want to move out and am terrified of it. AH! Sounds like I need some REAL therapy!

In any case, I've given myself a tentative plan of only living there for 6 months, to save as much as possible. Sorry for the weird post - it's just strange how much where you live, and whether it's your place or someone else's, can make such a big difference on every other aspect of your life.

Humorously promised Maxwell a post about what I found in Old San Juan that might interest ATers. Alas I was only there for a couple of hours and on a Monday, when a lot of the shops are closed.

Nevertheless, I came across Puerto Rican Arts and Crafts, 204 Fortaleza. The shop specializes in contemporary arts and crafts by native – that is, Puerto Rican – artists and craftspeople. Even the souvenir/tourist trade quality items are made locally and not just about anywhere else, as is usually the case with the typical item sold in Puerto Rico as a souvenir.

The store has prints, paintings, jewelry, leather goods, pots, vases, figurines, dolls, and even some gourmet foods. Puerto Rican Arts and Crafts also turned out to be the premier shop for what I was hoping to find: vejigantes masks.

Vejigantes masks are red, black, and yellow horned devil’s masks worn during Carnevale – or so I was told – and named for the vejigas – dried animal bladders – that the maskers bop on the heads of bystanders and passers-by.

I also picked up a hand-thrown pot with and interesting incised basket-weave design. For pictures of what I bought:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7340332@N05/

As for the shop, there is a Web site, but it’s “under construction”.

Heather - another thing that works insanely well on grout is 'magic eraser'. I have no idea whats in them, and thats sort of scary, but I used it on my kitchen floor white grout after 8 years, and it looks like a brand new kitchen floor again.

elizabeth in AL,

Will you're mom let you set up your space like a mini-apartment? A friend who reluctantly lived at home and provided the second income did this for several years.

elizabeth in AL - My two cents: sounds like you've got a lot going on. Give yourself a break and just go with your decision, which sounds well thought out, rather than rethinking everything again and again and driving yourself nuts. It sounds like a good plan to just move in with mom for a set period of time, regroup, and then reassess. It's not forever. Like you say, your mom is your best friend, so just have fun with it for 6 months! Maybe you can do some fixing up in your space at your mom's to satisfy that urge. And some dreaming and planning about what your next space will be like, which will likely be better than what you can have now, no?

*heather leaf*-I agree we need the threads to be more prominent, such as an open thread link at the top of the page, and I've made that suggestion to AT. With the unified site, everything just goes by too fast to have the thread by on the first page all the time.

I actually have a pretty cool bedroom there. Two huge closets, lots of windows and my own bathroom. So, yes, she will let me set it up like a small apartment. However, my plan is to leave all my junk, like furniture, dishes, etc. at the apartment with the boyfriend until I get my own place (he doesn't have any of that stuff on his own, so I figure I'll let him use it while I won't have to pay for a storage unit!). I am going to box up all my girly stuff, since he will probably have a roommate, and put that in the garage. I also plan to only take my clothes (shoes, etc), bath stuff (towels, etc) and my corner desk (with computer), since the one that's in there is this big, huge white thing. And you are right, Pixie, I should just quit thinking about it and enjoy it, but it's so hard sometimes! :) Maybe that's being a woman? Or the fact that I'm ready to get a move on, but have to wait till June 1?

Also, what is making me think about it more, is that BF is trying to get his parents to ok his little bro's moving in (long story about that is best not recounted on a public website), which means, if that does happen, his parents will be there ALL the time, paying for things, etc. Which will be putting us many steps backward than forward, which is what we were trying to do in the first place. Let me put it this way - he is very much dependent on his parents (won't admit it, of course) and his parents are very much holding on tightly to all their kids - whose ages are 27, 24 and 20. So, to me, it's like "why in the hell am I moving out again? You will be in the same position as before, except better because most everything will be free."

I know I shouldn't be thinking like that and that it will just make me resentful, but I've tried bringing it up, and it seems to be something that he has to learn. So, another reason I want my own place (and I know it's wrong which is why I'm not doing it immediately) is for him to see me doing it on my own, and him realize that is what HE should be doing.

Anyway - the bathroom at my mom's is pink and blue and we are planning on glazing all the tiles white, buying a new toilet and sink/vanity! I'm super excited about that.

my two cents...it's time to drop that dude like a bad habit

Elizabeth in AL -

I think that if you're living with your mom, it would be VERY nice to follow Pixie's suggestion of doing little projects there.

But I think that you should probably seriously think of it in two very specific ways:

1. That you're doing them specifically FOR HER...
...which can be partly as gratitude for being there, because being grateful
...and when you DO leave, those will be nice little memories she'll have
...AND when you do leave, you'll at least not worry that those things will haunt you as not being done, so you won't have to come back to take care of them.

2. That you don't anything permanent to make it livable for you, except that which will make it easier for to come back and visit, so you don't end up staying there forever.

3. That you especially don't install any new things that your mother, herself, can't wrap her mind around well enough to maintain, so you don't create some eternal ongoing albatross that will force you to come back to do stuff, because it will be more fun to come see her if you're not dreading such projects.

4. That you ALSO especially don't install any permanent things that will cost her more money per month to maintain after you're gone.

5. That if you paint something there, don't paint it some fabulous new color that she is merely acquiescing to just because she thinks you like it. Use some color that will make her actually happy, her own self, since she'll live there after you're gone.

those are all very true, and very good tips, curtis.

i'm not changing anything that she doesn't want. i've gone through my phase of painting everything dark and brooding. (lived in a very dark blue bedroom for way too long).

right now, it has light hardwood floors, sage green walls, her cedar chest, a light wood armoire, and as the headboard, two large, old, blue-ish colored shutters. the bed is underneath the BIG BIG long window, and on the adjacent wall, there is another big window, but not as big. it's kind of french country, but no frills. just antique and simple looking furniture. it's awesome. that's why i don't want to bring anything of mine in, because it clashes. also, i want to make this as impermanent as possible. if i don't have all my crap there, i'm less likely to stay forever. i'm also hoping that by not having it all there, i'll be more likely to get rid of most of it.

the bathroom is similar to your bathroom, curtis, if i remember correctly. pink and black? no? it has that 50s tile but is pink and blue. the person who appraised it said that it brought a lot of value to the house, but it really is hideous. i have always dreamed of it being all white, since it is a very small and dark bathroom - just a tiled shower - also pink and blue - but it has no light. anyway, she brought up to me the other day that a friend of hers had her bathtub glazed and would like to do it with the bathroom and if i moved in would i help her? heck yes, i would!

we will also be cleaning out her garage and her den/study/no-w-the-junk-room. she should be very happy to finally get that done!

does glazing require a lot of upkeep?

Elizabeth in AL, I agree with Pixie that you have a lot going on and should try to see this as a temporary interval, after which you can reassess things. If you can live with your mom as friends rather than as mother and daughter, that could be fun for awhile--it seems like the major potential danger of moving back in with the 'rents is feeling like you're regressing to being a child. Having an end date should certainly help with that.

However, and this may contradict what I just said about chilling now and reassessing later, it does seem like there are a number of problems with the situation with your boyfriend. If you both agree that he needs time to live on his own so he can feel more independent, why is he staying at _your_ place with all your stuff and letting his parents pay for whatever other stuff he wants? It seems like it would be much more conducive to the goal of him becoming more independent and self-sufficient if he actually got his _own_ place and had to set it up himself. Or, is the "him becoming more independent" idea yours, and not really his? If that's the case, then as right as I think you are, he is not going to learn the lesson you want him to learn, because people don't work that way.

I'm straying pretty far from decor so I will stop being all Carolyn Hax-y and shut up now.

jenny in dc -

i hadn't thought about all that (2nd paragraph). leaving the stuff there was my idea as a temporary solution so i didn't have to rent a storage unit. also, the apartment is _our_ apartment. i did find it, but both our names are on the lease. i assume he will be paying his half of the rent and bills, but everything else will come from mom and dad because he will be living with his little brother. i plan to bring all this up soon, about the fact that we decided this to improve our relationship and NOT so he can slack off and live with his brother (the thing is that his brother recently had an acute psychotic break and bf feels he needs to take care of him).

however !!!

i just got a call from a rental agency that owns some apartments i had previously viewed. one i liked that was not available has come open!!! and it's in my price range!!
here's a picture of the outside http://www.flickr.com/photos/elizabethinal/2263657150/

oh - and it was his idea - go figure!

ok i'm stopping now with non-design stuff.

Elizabeth in AL, That apartment building looks lovely!

And, I hope I didn't sound all judgey about you and your bf--you have obviously thought it through and know what you're doing.

Hi elizabeth - I'm worried that you are advertising the great new apartment to others BEFORE its yours?

elizabeth in AL - I say get your name off that lease.

my lease is up this month. there are 2 units that have come open but i put it up for this one post - i'll change the info. and jenny - i really really really appreciate your comments. sometimes you need someone who doesn't even know who you are to get good omniscient advice. :)

elizabeth in AL,
I'm going to second Pixie's advice- if you aren't living in the apartment, get your name taken off of all the bills and the lease. I also agree that him staying in your (communal) apartment with his little brother doesn't sound like an opportunity for a lot of personal growth and experience living alone.

From personal experience, it is very difficult to maintain a relationship when you go from living together to not living together for reasons like the ones you have cited. When you are over there, will you be pissed off to see his little brother and his buddies putting their feet on your furniture? Will you get aggravated when they move stuff around to make room for a monster video game system? Will you wonder how so many of your glasses and dishes have gotten broken in so short a time? Will it hurt you to realize you are now a guest in an apartment that used to be your home?

I don't want to be a downer, but do think carefully about all the possible ramifications of this move. If things don't go well, your potentially exBF will be living in your apartment with your stuff and your name on the lease and bills, which can create a massive and expensive headache for you.

Take care of yourself!

Elizabeth in AL, Thanks for the thanks! :)

Elizabeth in AL,
I have to agree with the other commenters who say take your stuff with you--at least anything you want to see again--and get your name off the lease. I've had friends in this situation, and it gets messy. This way, you can keep a cool distance and reassess the relationship as you planned...if he doesn't step up and mature a bit, you can then decide what to do without thinking you're unnecessarily tied to him because of stuff or an apartment...

Moving back home with your mom can be an OK opportunity for all the reasons you mentioned. My friend did it and still lives there (and presumably she's older than you, too...). Based on her experience, I'd say give yourself a definite deadline, though, and work to saving for that goal. Whether it's a year or 10...just make one. She has gotten in the routine of it, and hasn't moved out as she had planned. Before she knew it, it was 5 years later, when I think she was thinking more like 1 or 2.

good luck!

Just to set the record straight - my name will not be on the lease, or any of the bills - that was never part of the plan - the plan was to have all that in HIS name, and me have mine for my apartment in mine. i believe i misrepresented that. it was just mentioned becuase that's how it started out, and that was what our arguments were based on. but you guys are right about the apartment, though. it would be better if we both had our own apartments where neither is the one we lived in together. CQ in DC brought up many points that I think i was initially ignoring - we didn't want to give up that apartment, since we have every intention of moving back in with eachother - but that's a moot point now that the landlord will be moving to costa rica within the year.... and there will be better apartments :) i like to think that we are making a mature decision by knowing that we both need to grow individually before we can grow as a couple, and taking the appropriate actions to accomplish that. we share 2 dogs and love each other very much and plan to just live seperately and date until after college. i mean, i'm 22 - i would like to marry him some day, but not now and not knowing there are goals that both of us need to accomplish that we can't do (or do easily) by living together. in any case, que sera sera and i'm taking my stuff with me.

ps i go see the new apartments on friday. :)

i also wanted to say that i did not in any way intend for this open thread to be "help me with my problems." i thank everyone for their input and it is much appreciated - has put light on a lot of things i was forgetting or ignoring.

Elizabeth in AL,
Clearly, AT people LOVE giving advice, so you came to the right place...and this is about all things apartments, including who lives in them with you! :)

HEY, they can't just start a NEW THREAD? this thread pops up in a post and i think, 'oh, goodie! a new thread!' then i find it's the same blasted one from four days ago! argh!

want brand-spanking new threads more often, please.

Sarah 001--regarding your dining chairs from last week...

I wanted to say I sat in a chair this weekend that at least looked like the blu dot chairs...and it was surprisingly comfortable (and my butt is wide girth). Just thought I'd put that out there in case you were still considering!

I knew I should have saved the recent post on pendant lights.

I can't remember where or when it was posted but I believe kdkaboom reference some small metallic pendants that were on sale.

I think it was a "good question" from last week or possibly this week.

Thanks if anyone can dig it up for me.

Yay, I'm happy to once again read a real thread! As Pixie mentioned, since the site unification, the open threads get buried so quickly that often there are just a few, or no comments. I miss the dialogue and exchange that the open threads are known for and I've emailed AT about this with suggestions, too.

heather leaf, these continuing open threads are the method AT appears to be using to actually keep a particular dialogue open to the community for longer periods of input. This way, even if we get only a few comments a day before the post gets pushed off the first page, by the end of the week there may actually be a "discussion."

this has been the same OT since the 11th?

Anyway, Domain on Bway/22nd is going out of business. I covet their $400 lamps...

A link from over on Re-nest. AT is donating 1% of its 2007 profits to a charity and the readers get to vote on which one!

http://www.re-nest.com/re-nest/surveys/1-for-the-planet-042385

I think it's so great that AT is participating in this and giving back. And as a recent New Orleans transplant in NY, I have a soft spot for the Gulf Restoration Networks cause. I hope you will take a second to check out what AT is doing and vote for on of the four great causes.

Hi everyone! I know it's an older Open Thread, but I need some help. I've been reading the posts for a very long time and I know someone on here could help me out.

We are thinking about replacing the wall-to-wall carpeting in the apartment. Having never done something like this while living in the apartment, we have some questions about logistics and the process.

We will have it professionally installed, but how does one move the furniture around? Can we still live here while it's done? How long will it actually take? The apartment is about 900 square feet and there's different flooring underneath the carpet - ceramic tile in the entryway, parquet floors in the living room and bedroom, and cement in the den.

We just went through a bathroom renovation last summer and had to move out for quite some time. We really want to avoid doing that again. Please let me know if you have any suggestions - we could really use your advice!

Karen

art, i was just looking at that thread:

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/lighting/ny-good-questions-inexpensive-overhead-lights-042763#comments




karen, those carpet installers are so fast. you have to clear the room of everything, though.