For those of you having trouble mustering appropriately levels of thankfulness this year, a suggestion: Try making a list, from A to Z, of all the things you're grateful for, e.g., A is for all kinds of Animals, B is for the smell of fresh Bread at the corner bakery, C is for the morning's Coffee, and so on, until you run out of alphabet or angst, whichever comes first.
And after the jump, a poem to ponder next week while you're waiting for the bird to brown.
CXXXVII
One day is there of the series
Termed Thanksgiving day,
Celebrated part at table,
Part in memory.
Neither patriarch nor pussy,
I dissect the play;
Seems it, to my hooded thinking,
Reflex holiday.
Had there been no sharp subtraction
From the early sum,
Not an acre or a caption
Where was once a room,
Not a mention, whose small pebble
Wrinkled any bay,—
Unto such, were such assembly,
’T were Thanksgiving day. --Emily Dickinson
© 2009 Apartment Therapy
I'm really, truly not very religious; at least I don't consider myself to be, in spite of having grown up in a parsonage. But I have what I think is kind of a good question.
Seriously folks, is it just me, or does anyone else find it just a LITTLE bit strange that when you're spending Thanksgiving with friends who are fellow New Yorkers that more often than not (in my experience) no one tends to even say grace over it, much less some kind of blessing that even refers to giving thanks?
Unless everyone attending the dinner is religious I would find it odd if grace were said. A nice toast: "thanks to good food, great friends" or something similar is lovely in my opinion and wouldn't make anyone feel awkward. Having attended dinners (not on thanksgiving) where grace was said at the beginning of the meal, being a non-believer, I felt extremely awkward.
Reef
I was at my high school reunion this past July. One of the classmates turned out to be a minister so he was the one who stood up in front of the crowd to say a blessing before dinner. That blessing went on and on and on and on. It got to the point where some of us were looking around the room to see who else was rolling their eyes. There was even a snicker or two. I mean, shouldn't these things be about 15-20 seconds tops?! It was like a *%#(ing sermon!
We are, in our own way, a relgious family and on appropriate religious occasions recite the prayers before the meals.
Thanksgiving, however, is not affiliated in any way with a certain religion. However, I always think it nice before the meal to have someone or everyone say something relating to what we're all thankful for. So, it tends to not be a religious thanks (I think most religious ones thank god for the food, etc) but can be open to anything.
I'm so glad this came up. We host thanksgiving every year. We are usually 12+ people, more typically 15-20, this year it's 20, last year it was 26. My husband and I and our (grown) kids are not religious. His cousin, who attends, is. My sister in law is a big mouth and says, who's going to say the prayer, I say, go ahead please if you want to. Somehow it got to be the cousin who says it every year. Other friends who come every year are religious, i think. My family goes through the motions with respect, but it's our house and we're not into it! At this point I don't know how to backpedal on it. This is the same cousin who brings her own tupperware (several pieces) for leftovers which I don't offer, so maybe she's giving thanks for that! Don't get me started, lol!! But, I'm just not into subjecting everyone to a prayer when everyone is NOT a believer. Yet, I keep my mouth shut. I do say a general welcome to start, too.
Then maybe you should just do a toast and end it with "god bless". You're covered then. Oh, and get a doormat that says "no tupperware allowed"
That ending toast sounds like a good solution..maybe i'll get some yellow caution tape too for the kitchen for extra insurance.
Yeah, I kind of like the toast thing. Keep in mind though, depending on what religion and to what extent, a toast generally involves liquor, and can be almost as off-putting to some religious people as the prayer is to the non-religious. And toasting with water is considered bad luck.
Susiq -- It's time for a New Family Tradition. Everyone around the table hold hands for a moment of *silent* thankfulness. People can feel thankful for whatever they want to feel thankful about (including not being prayed at), to whomever they want to feel thankful toward (not excluding the cook).
Despite being Catholic, I squirm a bit at public grace-saying -- the prayer always seems sure to make someone feel uncomfortable.
Or - this depends on the size of the crowd - you can go around the table and each person can say something they are thankful about. When it gets back to you, say something brief, and start with the serving.
Or, stick to just your short toast/speech, and then ON WITH SERVING THE FOOD. There's no better way to let folks know no other prayer is coming, and it's time to eat. Serve it, and eat it. It's your house!
As far as backpedaling goes, try this line:
"I thought we'd try something new this year before the meal"
Then do your new thing, and... Eat.
non religious new yorkers? That is certainly not the case in my circle. Most in my crew pray, many attend temple/church. Would love to hear more of the logic behind that stated assumption,seriously.