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I like the house, but I found it very strange that they would play out their personal drama in the pages of the NYTimes.

My thought exactly Mid-C Frank.

totally agreed.
though the guys are cute ;)

That is kinda weird!

Sad little exhabitionists. I love the line about how much they consumed!

Is AT ever going to comment on why it is suddenly using articles from the NY Times, after being threatened by them to cease and desist from using these in the not-very-distant past?

yes, this seems to be a new aspect of blogging that is influencing journalism & writing in general where the personality and personal life of the writer is foregrounded. i'm beginning to find it not as strange as i once did probably because it's become so pervasive. this story though really puts it out there with complete details of the breakup, prices of the mortgages & personal finance, & pictures of the couple. i'm not sure how i feel about it but i did read the story all the way through. great house btw!

What a very strange article. Typically when the NYTimes points out some sort of home trend, they use multiple examples of how people coped with the same issue. Instead, here we get one couple and a whole lot of soap opera.

what happened to my comment?

pathetic of them to air their dirty laundry like this.

Pathetic? Kind of heartbreaking actually.

you're not somebody unless you're being talked about...
isn't that what all "reality" shows have taught us?
sadly, we live in an age when being infamous and famous are the same thing simply because everyone wants to have their 15 minutes of fame no matter what they reveal of themselves in the process.... what does that say about our society when even reputable newspapers get in on the action just to capture readers' interest....

it's kind of pathetic how many people feel the need to be nasty!

oh my, how sad. why would you expose yourself in this way? why would someone choose to write such an article about real people?

The bitterness and negativity comes with putting yourself out there. The Times came to me to feature the house. At the time, the reporter was unaware of break up. So the story changed. And it is a relevant story to the home section: due to the housing crash many exes are forced to own houses together while not being together.

there is no dirty laundry. we love and respect each other I feel the story does us justice and the house looks great. We can point to it when we sell the house. It made sense to do it.

Anyway, if you read some of the sweet emails from others entangled in similar situations I've received today some of these critics might quiet down. We had a story to tell and the Times agreed.

Like the style of the house, the story is not for everyone. But I am so amused by how easy and quickly people can judge and throw nasty comments. Those comments in these forums I feel are more telling about our society.

It was a little suprising seeing my face when I just came here to read the day's posts! thanks aaron.

love the arc lamp.

Despite the post to the contrary-
- Those poor guys appear to be perfectly miserable.

There's something to be said about the old rule about there being only 3 times one's name should appear in the papers:
Birth, Wedding and Death.

Well that's the result when you're overly needy and narcissistic. It looks like Bradford is a slow learner. He traded 15 minutes of fame for a relationship. Sad indeed.

Haven't read the article yet, but I generally like that we can learn from how other people live, especially when they are willing to tell their stories.

These guys need to read something other than gossip rags.
"Benford," really?

Why is everyone so mean. No one paid attention to the fact that this is a beautiful place with gorgeous aesthetic. Did not know that AT has all of a sudden become 'judge the next guy' website.

When I first saw the story in the times, my heart went out to them. But even more importantly I saw the story for what it was - a gorgeous house created during trying times, but gorgeous altogether. Get over your judgemental selves!

Bradford, don't let the AT-ers get you down. They are a notoriously grumbly lot, savagely critical to the point where it's almost comedic. I'm not saying I don't chime in with disapproval when I feel its warranted, but it's gotten to the point where being a regular here a bit difficult because of all the negative vibes. You shouldn't take it so hard.

That said, I think if you all are okay airing your personal business to the world, then what's the harm in that? Who is it hurting? If people are somehow offended by your candor, well, no one is pointing a gun to their head and asking them to read the article. And it's not like you wrote the piece- the writer needed an angle and the breakup angle was the they chose.

Team Benford! More compassion, less high horses!

I registered just to comment on some of the mean-spirited comments to the article on here that just plain reek of schadenfreude.

It is a lovely house and a sad, but increasingly more common living situation that happens to be newsworthy - particularly in the NY region.

I can't believe that AT readers are trashing these guys for breaking up, of all things...as if everyone here hasn't had a particularly painful, messy breakup when lives are so intertwined. Please. Focus on making your own money and decorating your own houses, and take inspiration from what others have created.

It's a gorgeous, gorgeous house, btw...

Am I the only one who wants a AT House Tour of Bradford's new studio?

Right on booyakasha!

Booyakasha, thank you for that awesomeness. Yes, it looks like a jackal feeding frenzy here...sad, isn't it....

"They are a notoriously grumbly lot, savagely critical to the point where it's almost comedic."

Someone obviously hasn't been to the datalounge.

http://www.datalounge.com/cgi-bin/iowa/ajax.html#page:showThread,8121129,1

I don't buy any of this for a second. If you need to write about your life and emotional strife, why do it on a self named blog for the entire universe to read. This is being self absorbed and thinking every one cares or can learn from these immature ramblings. Nobody cares at all. Silly children whining. Go away!

I have been reading AT for over 2 years now, and had not felt the need to comment thus far. This post sent me to the NYT story and from there onto Benford's blog and Ive been thinking about this story, the blog post all evening. What a way of dealing with what most of us have been through at some point (break ups, not the house situation). And to have the courage to write about it, and so well.

I come from Pakistan and it amazes me how people from every corner of the world react in such a similar way to someone who puts themselves out there.

Wild-er said it best. Seriously.

benford: bradford

Hey, at least they don't have a Keep Calm and Carry On poster....

@regruve

Okay, wow. That was intense. At least no one here said "They're like a mini 9-11." That one made me spit out my fresca!

I think the place is gorgeous.

God bless you guys. A lot of lesser men would have pretended to still be together because the Times was coming. I, for one, appreciate their honesty.

And I love the wall of plates.

I apologise for the spite and incivility of some of my fellow AT commenters. However I can see where they're coming from...

Inside, the house spoke of a passionate interest in style, and of a committed relationship. Silhouettes of the couple who owned the house hung on a wall in the master bedroom; the couple’s nickname — Benford — was spelled out in large letters leaning against a wall in the kitchen.

Most people have a fairly low tolerance for this sort of cloying self-absorption, in individuals and in interiors. At least most people outside the NY design scene.

Regruve, 1st rule of The Datalounge? Yeah, don't talk about The Datalounge.

Drop and grout my mudroom, Soldier.

I think their lake house is definitely bold. They do have an eye for color and design. I don't think anyone can deny that. It's all very pop art. I know it's not to the taste of everyone. But interior designer Jamie Drake has built a career on a color palette that makes their home seem tame in comparison.

I applaud them for being brave enough to let people into their home. Life can be messy and they still did it. From one article we have know idea if these guys are "miserable" or "pathetic." No one here really knows them. We have one reporter's pespective. I wish them both the best.

To start, there are many things to love about the lake house. I particularly covet the genie bottle collection.

As for the other stuff...it's likely no one will ever see this now, but since I can't sleep, what the hell. In response to Bradford's comment (and also in response to Aaron's query about why there was so much nastiness):

This is a relatable story to the extent that just about everyone can empathize with the emotional turmoil brought about by the end of a relationship. I am sorry for Bradford and Ben's losses. As to the assertion that the story is relatable and relevant because: "due to the housing crash many exes are forced to own houses together while not being together." Well, yes and no. I think it's fair to emphasize that you and your ex have separate, and I am sure - judging from the lake house - lovely permanent living spaces. It's not like you're being forced to live with one another because of the poor housing market despite the break-up. What you are being "forced" to share is a vacation home, a luxury that most will never afford. It's a problem born of privilege, one that many people would be happy to have instead of their everyday realities.

I am more than willing to accept that you and Ben earned your vacation home, and I in no way think that you shouldn't enjoy a vacation home just because not all will have the same opportunity. Rather, I am just saying: it's hard to feel sympathy for your particular problem because it's so totally removed from most people's realities. And for those who might feel like they're beating their heads against a wall trying to get ahead, or just to stay afloat; for those who have lost jobs or can't find one to begin with; for those who have taken pay cuts and furloughs; for those who are widdling down their budgets for everything from groceries to entertainment; for those who have watched their retirements tank; for those who may have even lost their only homes... For those folks and the people who know and love them? They may be frustrated and angry. And when confronted with a story that implies that they should feel sympathy because you have to share your lake side vacation home with an ex...honestly, that feels a bit like a slap in the face, and sometimes that anger and frustration seep out. That said, the nastiness is not acceptable, and it certainly does nothing to encourage those who are attacked to walk that proverbial mental mile in someone else's shoes; but try to do it anyways.

Everyone has a story

Placing anyone under a magnifying glass is usually chock full o' drama. Comedy and tragedy. Romance and broken hearts.

The story was in the Home and Garden section. It focused on the homes, how they came to be, told the story of two people that were once in love and now have parted physically.

But what about the homes that were built from scratch? Anyone who has separated from a live-in relationship knows that the home is more than a price tag (no matter where they lived).

How do you split up a memory? How do you divy up the promise of a future?

And this IS relevant to Home and Garden...for anyone that breaks up in a joint living situation has to go through the same process.

It's even more stressful in these times with upside down mortgages. Doesn't matter if it's a first or second home. Buyers won't pay what was paid for it, let alone cover the costs of all the upgrades and labor put into these homes. And there is no price that will cover the love put into the renovations.

It's also very relevant to discuss what is "private" and what "private" means. We can instantly publish our innermost thoughts to be read by (potentially) millions. For some of us, that is what we do, we kind of put it all out there. Listening to friends nearby and strangers across the world with the same level of attention.

For others, that is NEVER done, things are private, as in between you and me and nobody else. WE are the ones who solve our problems from within our paired unity.

These are ways of communicating. And those things HAVE to be considered when moving in together, especially if buying a home together.

All totally relevant to a Home and Garden section, as well as AT.

The NYT story covering Benford is one of MANY stories out there, related to home purchases and relationships during the recession:

http://www.newsday.com/long-island/nassau/recession-adds-to-financial-burden-of-divorce-1.1274141

http://www.detnews.com/article/20090724/OPINION01/907240334/1008/OPINION01/Prepare-for-pent-up-divorces

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/09/AR2009070902803.html

Remember that the NYT article stated that the vacation property could not be sold until Dec 2009. Part of the agreement with the third-party.

Many articles that I have read mention holding on to property in hopes the market will rebound, so as not to suffer a loss.

And we got a close-up, personal story of two people that are doing just that, for the time being. I don't understand the comments here. I don't understand why people were upset.

Buca45, that was very well said. Somehow it reminds me of one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs:

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?

Let's hope in time we come to focus less and less on self-absorbed people like "Benford" and more on people making a difference and those who need our help. The world is changing whether we like it or not.

I remember the house I lived in with an ex... I remember every room, and it comes to me in dreams sometimes. Even now, when I've happily moved on.

We drench our homes with ourselves, and when we move on, we leave pieces of ourselves behind. And those pieces call out to us sometimes, and call us by old, forgotten names....

I find most of these comments reveal far more about the commenters than anything else.

Having read exactly one article about these two people, it is important to remember that we don't know them! We learned nothing about their personal life - no dirty laundry - not that their relationship failed because one believes in gay marriage and the other doesn't, or one wants kids and the other doesn't...we learned that a couple who likes design designed a place that is interesting if not for everyone, and their relationship dynamic played into how the place turned out.

most of the comments, disparaging or in support, are actually far more personal than the article itself. they show anger, jealousy, pettiness, a negative view of change, etc.

and ps, many many people name their vacation homes. and many many gay couples play around with the combining of their names. but obviously me defending that bit says something about me.

It is always amazing to me the things people will say online but would never dream of saying to someone's face.

That said, this story is very relevant to our times. Breakups/Divorces do happen and with the current home sale market it really does make sense to hold off on selling if at all possible. At least these guys are sharing the home without a miserable, lawyer-filled dispute. I knew of one couple where the wife kept changing the locks on the beach house to thwart "that SOB [she] used to be married to."

Exactly how are they subjects of the story to blame for the style of journalist who wrote it?

Trying to set the tone for an article in the paper is close to impossible if you are the subject. You can insist on approving it, but unless there are factual errors it is really difficult to get anything altered.

When I clicked on to read the story, I was expecting something more - Something offensive or disgusting or egomaniacal-to-the-extreme.

Am I missing something?

I found their situation sad. And the only purveyor of egomania was the writer. These guys can't help that her story had no point or focus or interest at all, outside exploiting whatever tiny tidbit of "drama" she could uncover.

And the comments on AT are becoming nearly visit-prohibitive. What a bunch of angry a-holes some of you are!

Sweetotter,

I think you are stating the obvious. Of course everyone's comments are personal--they are our opinions and reactions to what we have read and seen. And guess what? Your reaction to our opinions is personal, too.

That's lovely, Arkay.

Datalounge = Bottom Feeders.

I love reading stories like this in the Home and Garden section--it's all stories in that section. That's what makes home stories so interesting. I love shelter magazines that have stories about the people in them too, like LivingEtc (although the stories certainly often seem a little glossy, but some are still great and hey, they're mostly Brit, so it's intrinsically interesting because it's not US) and UK Elle Deco (but not so much in a while). I find articles that are strictly about the design of the home or the architecture more cold and boring, generally. The messier and more personal the story, the better, actually. It gives us all a lot to think about, doesn't it?

llbillz - I agree, house tour of the studio!

I'm sorry, the Datalounge thread on this is hysterical.

I'm gonna post one more comment and then I'm done. I hate that I allow myself to get sucked into this kind of stupid drama. It's just so gosh darn entertaining!
I think it's great that AT has some controversial posts from time to time. The comment section is supposed to be where people post comments stating what they think. Guess what? Not everyone is going to have nice things to say! I think it's hilarious that so many people are posting just to defend the two people in the NYT article. You don't even know them!
SO... to bring it back to the subject of their home and how it's relevant to Apartment Therapy? There home is just OK. Anyone with a credit card, a six figure salary, a trust fund, all of the above can do what those two did. It's not that hard to get yourself on the DWR catalog mailing list (ESPECIALLY when you're a DWR employee) and pick willy nilly from it's pages and throw up a couple of clown paintings and skateboards on the wall for a sense of irony. But that's just me. I'm not impressed with this kind of "catalog shopping" decorating style. I would have been more impressed if they actually built something, had realistic budget constraints, and had a more challenging space to work with.
Sure the house looks nice and I'm sure those two are very nice people. If you feel like you have to defend them, then go for it. Personally, I'm not that impressed.

It's nopt so much defending them as being in the presence of a bunch of sniveling c""ts. Take the other post here about an Asian man's home in DC, and how there are comments on how the guy LOOKS. WTF....

Great looking house. Don't understand the vitriol about the story.

this is so nyc.. everyone wants their photo taken. barf.

RE: 'Let's hope in time we come to focus less and less on self-absorbed people like "Benford"...':

Bradford was my boss when I worked at DWR, and he quickly revealed himself to be one of the kindest, most open, big-hearted people I have ever met. He and Ben are both really lovely, generous people.

RE: "He traded 15 minutes of fame for a relationship. Sad indeed":

I don't think a story in the Times Home and Garden section is the biggest thing to have happened to Bradford thus far (or the thing that will outshine his future)... if you had the pleasure of meeting him (drop by bludot in Soho, he'll probably take you out for an ice cream!), you'd likely think his personality, talent, and charisma will probably lead to something more than 15 minutes.

i LOVE bradford's sleeve tattoo... i'm drooling.

T.M.I....

If the article focused more into the design-inspiration-influence and less in the drama-drama-drama we all could have been a lot happier ... leave the drama for Oprah bring the design for AT !

Let's see . . . first, "relatable" is not a word. Please don't turn a perfectly good verb into a clumsy adjective. Next, I was struck by the number of commenters who called the former couple "self-absorbed" and "narcissistic" because their shared home displayed their portraits and and their shared name. I've seen both self-referential items in many shelter mags over the years. Writing a blog which publishes one's thoughts about one's life? Normal for bloggers. If such a blog has a readership, by definition it appeals to others. Finally, I'm wondering if AT has a Commenter's Code of Ethics: Principles not personalities? Walk a mile, then judge? Surely we wouldn't all get behind "Feel irritated, throw mud" as the best expression of what happens in this space.

What's needed in these cases is a kind of narcissism neutron bomb: removes the bratty entitled showboats, but leaves the design standing.