Oh my, just what I need to tackle the basement and the filing cabinets. Everything else is done! Woot woot!

I **love** that she said to give away the $500 thing. Yes. If it's really, really easy for you to sell it, OK, I guess. But it's almost always easier on your life, your psyche and your karma to give it away. And it helps to keep you from buying more $500 things that you're not going to use!

agree with the message but....F.W. lacks the mature stage presence for me to take seriously (giggle giggle, la la la). come on F.W. (if) you have merit....and an amazing opportunity...provide us with a mature message...m

Well said! And so true.

she's cool! more please.

The impulse to try to sell items of a certain value is my downfall. Because eBay is easier said than done.

I like the diversity on AT....keep being yourself Fay. I look forward to your continued tips.

love the message and she is as cute as a button!

Very challenged by letting go of things after moving from 3-bedroom house to 1-bedroom apartment. (Good move, personally, but too much stuff). I lost my mother when I was young and it is especially difficult to let go of family historical artifacts that I inherited even though I cannot use them and have no place for them. Honestly, where do people who live in small spaces with no storage put their stuff? Does no one still have their HS yearbooks? Sometimes I get the feeling that people on AT still store most of their things at their parents' house...

How do you let go of:
Your mother's wedding dress
Boxes of your grandparents photos, even when you don't know who most of the people are
Vintage gowns from the '50s from your mother and your favorite aunts who have passed away
Your journals that you kept from the time you were six years old
Baby clothes that your mother saved from you and your siblings that are not a current style that anyone with a baby would want

Where do you store your:
Increadiblyheavybox of yearbooks
Memorabilia

@pianogirl - photos & journals you keep in as tidy a fashion as possible, or you can undertake a digitizing project; yearbooks I only kept the last one from the 2 schools I went to (even though I was on the yearbook staff in HS!); clothes you give away or try to sell if you think there is a market. It's hard to realize those items are not the people that once owned them - your memories are.

@pianogirl Anything no one in your family will want to use (ie baby clothes) - take a picture of anything that you have special memories of, then pass the rest along or, if they're in REALLY good shape, see if there's a place that sells vintage kids clothing. If there's a specific thing that you can't bear to part with, better one than all of them.
Anything that someone in the family can use, such as the vintage gowns - again, take pictures if you want, but then get them altered for someone else. Sell them if there's no one in the current generation of your family that wants them, and only hold on to a few that have special memories. However well preserved, clothes are meant to be worn. Find someone to love them as much as your mother and aunts did.
Photos - pull ones that you want for a sentimental value, then see (depending on how old they are) if someone else wants them. Accept that sometimes no one will want them, but you don't have the space in your home to save them "just because".
As to the wedding dress and the journals - KEEP THEM! That kind of thing special enough to keep around.

I have way too many things that were given to me that I never used. I have decided to get rid of most of them this year. No one has ever asked about these things anyway.

she is cute!
I received some gifts and I know these friends come back in my house so I have to display them before they enter..

Heart-curator?

The "I give you permission" thing is really offensive. Really.

I give thousands of dollars of items to Goodwill every year, and I support their programs entirely. However here is something to consider when donating good-quality clothing and "five-hundred-dollar" things, especially clothing: agencies like Goodwill will not get the benefit from it.

Goodwill and Salvation Army sell much of their donated clothing in bulk, for pennies, to resellers (Etsy, EBay, the vintage clothing boutique down the street, and endless online hawkers). If you have donations that should pull in some cash, try to give to an independent fundraising shop or a church or school "jumble sale". In my region these shops raise money for opera and symphony (designers and even couture clothing, china sets, silver flatware, posh stuff), animal rescue (wide range of good quality things), programs for abused women, etc. There are groups that collect good quality clothing for the office, for rehabbed and/or homeless people reentering the work force. If you just want to be rid of something, don't sweat it. But if you care about making your donations count, take the time to place them where they will do the most good.

I can't tell you the number of times I been about to give away something and a sibling has started with the "how can you just give that away?" speech. So, I end up holding on to things I don't want, that I don't have space for.

I don't think FW's intention is to be offensive by "giving" permission.

Fay is lovely, and quite endearing.

@Piano Girl--have you considered having your mother's dresses reworked as something you might actually wear? You can take lots of photos first, and have a designer or just a talented seamstress refashion and even dye the dresses and create something spectacular for you.

I agree with getting rid of things you no longer want but what if that tacky painting you gave away to Goodwill that someone bought ends up on Antiques Roadshow and its estimated worth is in the thousands of dollars? Won't you feel bad about getting rid of it?

A little research re: possible value of the items in question could avert the scenario Magzeen mentions. Do not give away items worth tens of thousands of dollars without checking first. Also useful in terms of your possible tax deduction.

And I give you permission to sell an item, and I further give you permission to sell it at a very reduced rate. The buyer will be just as grateful and likely really really want it too.

Tetegrondona - it's probably her personal preference to use the term "actor-person" though some may find it a little "whee! I'm QUIRKY!" for their taste.

In general, though, some female performers (myself among them) choose "actor" over "actress" because feminine suffixes are seen as trivializing - would you trust your life to a "doctorette"?

"Sometimes I get the feeling that people on AT still store most of their things at their parents' house..." Ha, ha, ha - I agree, @Piano Girl. For clothes, have you looked into vacuum-packing them so they take up less space? Try looking at other interior design sites for clever storage solutions. I would say, if in doubt, hold onto your memorabilia. And before giving away $500 items, check on Ebay to see how much your things are worth.

This is great, simple advice. And Fay is adorable. I want to watch more videos from her. I am not a sentimental keeper of things. I am a sentimental keeper of memories! :)

I must admit I've never seen Fay on TV, but I'm enjoying her tips. And as someone struggling with the "but I paid money for this" trap, I liked, and got a kick out of, her advice on that in particular.

As for the other point, I have no trouble giving away or selling gifts I don't like. What folks don't know (that I've passed on their gift) doesn't hurt them. And I long ago cured my relatives of the habit of sending me jewelry that wasn't my taste. Sometimes you just have to tell people you have enough of a certain category of items. At this point, I have enough ear-rings to last the rest of my life... but a decent floor lamp, that's another matter.

love fay! and that is just what i needed! i do feel so guilty giving away gifts. but its for the best.

If I won't use it, I don't feel guilty giving it away. I try to give gifts of any value that are returnable by the recipient, as I am aware that I don't always get it right. If you don't do that, you have no expectation that someone *should* hang onto your gifts, really.

AT: I realize the vast majority of your readership is hearing but it would be nice if you included subtitles for these little videos. Just a thought!

Hey - I agree with dimitrithecat. Even as a hearing individual, subtitles rock.

@piano girl
Letting go of things, especially when they belonged to a loved one who's passed away, is a difficult process. You might try tackling it little by little, as you're ready. I've had to make similar choices before. I suggest taking photos of objects before you let go of them. It will make the parting process much easier.

I would encourage you to let go of any clothes that won't be worn. Perhaps keep a small sampling as a sentimental reminder. It's easy to tell ourselves that we'll alter things or make something out of them, but if you can't realistically picture yourself doing that... it might be time to give them a new home.

The photos can be scanned. It is time consuming, but if you have the money there are business that provide that service for a fee.

I personally always keep my yearbooks, and at least some of my journals. Those take up a relatively small space for all the memories they hold.

If you're interested in taking photos of your items, this website gives a simple instructions for photographing objects on a white background. http://photographyofgrace.com/TUTORIALS/ShootingIsolatedObjects.pdf

I hope these suggestions help. Good luck to you!

@pianogirl - I also am intrigued by what to do with old timey photos of grandparents plus unknowns. I find them fascinating to look at, but for now they are all stored (bingo) at my parents' house. When it's my turn to take custody, I don't know. They are historical artifacts, especially if they show identifiable backgrounds or interesting fashion so I might see if a local libary would want them for an archive, but that's probably a long shot if they're largely unlabeled. Maybe there's a geneological website or an extended family member (like a Girl Scout doing a family tree project?) that would have an interest. If you are the final repository for these, and they will become wholly anonymous after you pass, then you probably shouldn't feel too bad about letting them out of your life just a bit ahead of schedule.

I don't look at my yearbook ever, and wasn't very involved in the end-of-year signature frenzy, so I might tear out the pages for my class and throw the rest out. I'm already in touch with whom I want to be in touch with and we all have copies of our own photos anyway, so the books are redundant.

I would totally wear the vintage if it fit, or hang onto it for one more generation (i.e. in case they might fit another family member) if the style is actually cute. But otherwise it's useless. There are so many vintage enthusiasts you can find via the Web, or you could make a donation to a school drama department or some such. Your mom/aunts might have been pleased to know that their fashion sense was being appreciated rather than hidden in a closet.

I find old journals kind of embarrassing, but feel obligated to my younger self to keep them. I think I will hold onto them until my daughter is the age I was when I wrote them, skim them for empathy purposes, then let them go. They're only worth keeping if you're planning to be a major historical figure, which I'm not.

Memorabilia is my bugaboo. I've got boxes of newspaper clippings, old cards and letters, and especially sports paraphernalia (medals, awards, bib numbers). I never look at that stuff but it feels somehow significant. My husband has even laminated some of the media stuff, making it even more permanent. I do go through these boxes on a periodic basis (5 years?) and try to answer the question, "Will my daughter ever show more than a polite interest in this?" and let it go if not. But it's not always an obvious answer, since her interest level may change over time.

All to say, it's not easy. I wish there were more shortcuts to these decisions.

Another vote for subtitles. Or just a transcription/summary of the tips. (Especially when they're not show-and-tell how-to videos, or even if they are, it would be a quick way to know whether the video is worth my time). I keep my computer on mute out of courtesy for my co-workers.

Agree, just transcribe the 'tip'. And, from the comments here; heavily weighed on family items that seem to get hauled and stored from one place to another, that takes more than a 1 min. tip.

@pianogirl — It's hard. I'm not going to lie to you. It's REALLY hard, but it can be done. Sometimes you have no choice. My mother had saved my grandmother's wedding dress for me. I actually fit into it, and it was beautiful, but by the time I married that dress was about 75 years old and the fabric (lots of lace and satin) was so fragile that it started to crumble. So we both loved it and let it go.

The pictures can be scanned and digitized. We have always had (who knows why?) a long hall wherever we've lived and that hall has always been what we call "The Rogues Gallery." That's where the pictures of family are. That's how folks can see that my grandmother, my mother and I, in pictures where we're the same age, could be triplets if the clothing were the same. I finally did get rid of a lot of pictures of family members none of us could remember. If they're outside shots it's possible that your local historical society might be interested. Even in NYC where I grew up local schools and churches would do "then and now" photo montages. (Once when I sat my dad down with a stack of pictures and he had no idea who those people were we looked at each other, laughed, and put that box of pictures in the trash.)

I've got the yearbooks from my senior years, but the rest went along with the school/college books. (I won't tell you how old I was when I got rid of the last textbook!)

Baby clothes. Regular baby clothes can really be given away, unless there's some extraordinary memory connection. Special baby clothes, like Christening dresses, or those with that special memory attached, can be framed in shadow boxes and displayed if you have room. (A friend of mine who used to be a jockey had his silks on the wall. Looked great.)

My mother was a concert pianist when she was young, so she had fabulous dresses, and a spectacular velvet dress cape. I kept and wore that black velvet cape lined with cream satin until the lining shredded and the velvet was too fragile to be relined. The gowns (Hattie Carnegie, among others) went to a local theater group that was THRILLED to get them. (They didn't fit me, or I would have worn them into the ground like that cape.) Great clothes aren't happy unless they're being worn. If those great gowns don't fit you consider what I did.

Memorabilia is my downfall, so I can't say a word about that. I'm hoping that maybe the next commenter will have a suggestion!

Hope this wasn't too long, but it's a rather long-term, multi-generational problem...!

Pianogirl,
If you can't bare to part with the wedding dress, you can have a seamstress make a Christmas tree skirt out of it. If the same goes for the clothing, then do something similar with the Christmas theme. Make memory ornaments. In clear ornaments, that can be found at craft stores, place pieces of the dresses and personalize it with a picture of that family member wearing that piece. This way you wont feel like you are throwing the whole thing away and will be able to keep a piece of the memories, too.

Pianogirl, when I graduate from college, my parents made me take EVERYTHING from their house that was mine... not so for my husband, so I understand about the need to trim down the collection. For the fabric items that you have inherited, contact a quilting club to see about having them use the fabric items to make a quilt for you with the pieces from the baby clothes and your mother's and aunts dresses. The quilting doesn't have to be elaborate, but they might have a willing member(s) to make it for you, and in the end you will have one (1) item rather than a box full of dresses and unwanted baby clothes. You don't have to use the quilt daily, but it will be a nice feeling when you do pull it out to use. For your journals - save a few interesting pages from each if they are interesting, I bought a scrapbook and editted myself to two pages per year of my life - and put in a few photos from each year on those two pages. If your journal entries are boring or bring back negative memories, toss them - you don't need the emotional baggage. For the other photos, decide on how many you want to save in advance before you edit through them - I liked the person who described the Rogue's gallery... even with a roll of film, not every photo was a keeper! I have a huge family, so our collection just has single representations on the wall and a few special people on the fridge for our kids so that they remember what their grandparents and special aunts/uncles look like.

My mother sold our family house soon after I moved out when I was 19 and as a result I got to (and had to) receive and deal with all my own personal memorabilia crap. For years and years I kept so much of it, only to every so often tackle a box and discard most of it. Who needs every single one of their baby teeth? Creepy right.

I still struggle to find a balance between reflections on memories and achievements over the years and the mental weight of these possessions. At least now I have it down to a couple small boxes and a shelf or two. Just glad I am not alone!