This is a fascinating topic and one I've thought a lot about. I like that you point out that there is no one right way to share & document one's life and one's space. Like any sort of creative expression, there are different styles, different comfort levels, etc. I've often speculated about why I blog. I'm still not really sure, but I think as long as it makes me happy (and inspires a couple people) it's a good way for me to spend my time. The critics will always be there.

Maybe posting photos of your home is like saying "Hey! Look what I did!". Working on your home, or even just one room provides a great sense of achievement and I understand that many people feel compelled to show their work. But, I also believe there is deeper logic to displaying your home to the public eye: a need for approval. It doesn't matter who approves of us as long as we receive compliments or a pat in the back. Our interiors are a direct extension of ourselves and if we need to show it so much and long for positive feedback, I think it reflects a need for approval, not just of our homes, but of ourselves. However, as mentioned in the post, the risk is that we may also receive negative comments, and this would only feed our sense of insecurity, hiding behind these design blogs and house tours...

I agree, this is a fascinating topic. I really admire those who open up their homes & lives to us strangers via a blog. I especially enjoy this site for all the decorating/organizing & creativity. As an art school dropout, I truly enjoy AT.

Now here is what I absolutely hate and I do mean HATE about some blogs and even Facebook. I hate it when people use a blog or Facebook as a medium by which to lash out. If you have an issue with someone, talk to him/her in private. Don't blog about it for all and sundry to read. If you recently had a falling out with someone and have a lot of pent up angry random thoughts rolling around in your head, keep it to yourself or go speak to a therapist. Blogs can be dangerous, especially if you are the victim. In this day and age, employers will Google prospective new hires to see what's floating around in cyberspace about a potential hire. Imagine if a hiring manager were to happen upon something you wrote or wrote about someone else? What does that say about your character?

Two months ago I deleted my Facebook account because I grew tired of reading all the stupid random thoughts friends and friends of friends were sharing. Does anyone really care that you were just at Starbucks? Does anyone really care that you just finished working out or made a fantastic mac n cheese? Um, NO!

And lastly, @Claireny, I agree with you 100%. There seems to be an incessant need for “approval” and I don’t understand where it stems from. I have to wonder, has society always been this way?

I totally agree with Claireny!

Seems like AT perpetuates the snark with posts like "what are your design pet peeves?" Maybe open questions should tend toward the positive instead of the negative...

Good post.

I completely agree with ClaireNY, but I would add that many people view house tours and blogs like reading a magazine. And if you look at a photo spread of a house or particular fashions with your friends, you will critique those as well.

The only difference is that these are people's personal homes, so they take offense to it. Any other artist will probably brush it off, because in next month's spread they would get to showcase something different, whereas home owners with tacky designs have to live in their dumps.

bUT TA

I must be astoundingly lucky that my FB friends, 99 percent of whom I have shared a meal with, don't post trivialities all that often.
When they do, I assume they have been temporarily abducted by aliens and will cease soon.
The few friends who posted naught but trivialities were exiled to distant realms and I don't see their posts unless I go looking.

As for blogs, such as AT and the not so minimal horde of minimalism or decluttering blogs I read regularly, I appreciate understanding the why as well as the how.
Why use a capsule wardrobe? How do you decide, and why do you decide, what makes the cut.
I might not agree, but I can use a line of thinking to better my own situation. Pretty good deal.

I might not like a color in a tour on AT, but I might like the concept of a citrusy color popping off fog grey. Maybe I'll pass on lemon yellow, but I might try swatches of tangerine or even fir green.
I love when I get useable ideas by riffing on a project.

This is a really interesting and thought-provoking post. I know that personally, I am not up for a lot of over-share about my life or my self. The exception though would be for specific projects - as in I'm willing to do the research and work, and let others get a shortcut to the end result. To me, the great thing about the Internet is that we get to learn from each other, and I get so much from random strangers posting all kinds of things that have helped me (or inspired me in one way or another), so it seems to be "pass it on" more than narcissism.

I think one reason people like to share their homes is because there is so much out there that makes us inclined to do so. Digital media is easy to obtain at all price points and a snap to use. Ownership and use of a decent camera is no longer limited to a few who have the means and ability to operate them.

Home furnishings are available at every price point, no matter how modest one's budget may be. It's even trendy to buy from used furniture stores, thrift shops, or recycle from the curb. No one is embarrassed if their couch came from Goodwill or the dining set was found on Craigslist. We are proud of our finds and want to share them with others.
It's noteworthy to see how good one can make his place look for little or no money.

Good style and decorating are not limited to the wealthy, who can afford the best of everything and the professionals to put it all together, as it may have been at one time.

In today's economy, especially, we want to have a haven to soothe our weary souls and empty wallets, and to offer a place of rest and hospitality to others.

I tend to critique others' homes, whether I am visiting in person or looking at blogs. I am very careful what I say, though, and I can always find something positive, a part to compliment. Our homes are an extension of ourselves, as varied and unique as the individual.

I don't see design blogs as being any different than a design magazine, just more interactive. I don't come here to lash or be petty, I come for inspiration. If you see something that isn't your cup o' tea, scroll on. And as long as AT isn't putting people's addresses on the post, I don't see it as over-sharing. More like paying it forward!

There are two components to this topic of interest to me.

First, the concept of blogging and baring your soul and personal life to scrutiny. I "hide" Facebook friends (many of whom I only know as names from the polymer clay world, my major hobby) the minute they start posting tons of family stuff rather than more general polymer or creative stuff. I just don't care. I limit what I post to political observations (usually re-posting really great cartoons or pictures) and to the less than once-a-month updates on my landscaping projects or whatever obsessing me at that time. In blogs like AT, I tend to post descriptions of my solutions to problems or concepts under discussion, sometimes at length. (Sorry, I never was a woman of few words! Feel free to skip mine!)

And as for decorating observations, I consider AT something like a "salon", a large group of like-minded (mostly) people gathered in a living room sharing a conversation about whatever the topic may be. In lively discussions, people are permitted to disagree, even vigorously. You need to take those comments as personal opinions/beliefs and agree to disagree. Often they give you something to think about, even if you are convinced they are totally wrong and maybe even rude.

Sometimes negative comments (hopefully phrased kindly) may tip the balance when someone is weighing options. If I couldn't decide between a couple of things and a lot of people had strong arguments for one of them over the other, maybe their input would convince me that I should be more cognizant of the issues they raise -- be it ecological impact or health issues or avoiding a trend that would fade and become tiresome or honoring copyrights... I make my own decisions, but additional input gives more information to make good ones.

As someone who frequently blogs about home design I constantly question how private/public to be. How many pictures should I share of my family? Are readers reading purely for design ideas?

Blogging has connected me to some great designers and people with similar interest. And to do that, it takes opening up a little bit.

I think Making it Lovely and Marion House Book do a good job of sharing about family and design.

I'm in the minority. I don't blog, FB, tweet, text. I have a cell phone because I am an emergency contact for my great nieces.
I only look at AT for design ideas but pass on the 'trends' everyone decides they must have.
I was once told that I needed to 'grow-up' because of the way I style my home. Most folks say I have a comfy and welcoming home. My home is designed around athromorphic art, fairies, lion and tiger figurines. They make me happy. As I always tell folks, if you don't sleep with me, pay for my mortgage, food or clothes on my back, why would I care what you think of me? Really, why? Age gives you a stronger sense of self worth and I truly, really don't care what folks think, Otherwise, I'd have one of those "don't touch me" homes. YUCK.

If you've ever watched "the Age of Innocence" or been tutored by you born in the 1920's mother about how to properly fold a sheet, then you understand one of the roots of showing your house. It is this ingrained habit of doing things "just right", as expected, but with flair (within propriety, of course) as a means establishing your status as a woman and home-maker. If you are thinking "Pshaw, girl - that's old school!" then why are these blogs so popular?

I'm an architect. You'd think I'd have plenty of ideas and dreams about decorating my own place. But I scroll the pages of design blogs with wide eyes, taking in all the creativity that's out there, being amazed at how someone can rethink something we've all been taught to do for generations. I love the show of talent, of ideas, of fun. And yes, I've co-opted a few ideas and made them my own.

I think the flip side of over sharing and over browsing is paralysis. There are so many good ideas out there, you want to do them all. And because of our culture, we want to do it well. So... those projects sort of sit in limbo while we work up to it instead of just making it happen. Nothing is perfect. Once in a while, something is "insanely great'. But trying, and ending up with pretty good is not failure! It's pretty darned good. And if it's a failure - well, there's this thing called making the most of it. LOL!

I'm that person that gets excited as I drive through a neighborhood in the evening and find a home with their curtains open and lights on. I love to see how they decorate. Does it match the outside, is it more his style or hers? LOVE IT! So all the sites, decorating/cooking blogs are right up my alley. I comment often. I read the other comments with interest and open mindedness about their suggestions or kudos. I am flabbergasted at the negative or downright cruel comments and often wonder why a person suddenly becomes the Simon Cowell of blogs. I've come to realize that there is something deeper going on in the minds of the haters. They are best ignored and not given fuel for their internal fire. As for me, I always find at least one element that I love or find creative and unique or way to make it my own with some tweeking. So keep it up bloggers. I like the peak into your creativeness!!

This was already said by someone else, and I agree that the main reason for sharing so much on a blog (meals, kid's test scores, marital issues) is the need for positive reinforcement and attention. I'm not saying this to be catty or mean, it's just how I interpret the behavior. As far as why people feel permitted to comment passionately about someone else's home, well, I'm in the 'once you put it on the internet for attention you can't complain about the attention' camp.

I would gladly send AT a before and after if only I could finish one project in my home!

I don't think people are much different online or off. Their need to display themselves for approval, to seek out like communities, to share, to offer support and encouragement, to snark and nitpick, to gossip. 100 years ago we might be discussing this stuff at the town square, a local dance or our neighborhood shops. Now it's online, but the human behaviors are all the same. I know sometimes people can go overboard and be spiteful, but really, the snark is part of why I read AT. When the only comments are "LOVE IT" and "where can I buy your chandelier" I stop reading the comments on that blog.

I do admire people who are willing to put themselves out there. When I have posted pics it has been because I want to know how other people will view my kitchen/living room/etc. I already know I like it, but if I want to say, sell the house, it is helpful to check in with the public. If a random couple of people make rude assumptions about me or say something especially mean, I think that's more about them than me, but it still is valuable in that I am now aware that some people think my choice of appliances is a clear sign that I am evil. Noted.

I also work in the creative field and I have to say, it can be aggravating when others approach creative work as though all efforts are praise-worthy e.g. "Yay, you made a finger painting!" Creative work is actual w-o-r-k that frequently benefits from critique. Artists critique one another, authors have editors, designers have internal reviews and client input. Getting out some paints or a glue gun does not guarantee a successful end. Great art is painful to make because it takes enormous effort and reworking. It's not for p*ssies. If you honestly can't handle people telling you that your ideas suck, then perhaps you might want to stop showing your work to random strangers and create just for yourself.

@Pidgie: So you think it's ok to drive by houses and actively try looking inside the homes with open curtains but at the same time think "something deeper going on in the minds of the haters" about people who just make honest, negative comments annonymously on the internet.

Got it.

Something I've thought about too, also since starting on Instagram recently & I realised that I have a deep need to be liked (by people I respect) & this is one of the reasons I enjoy it & share my life to strangers! It kinda justifies my life somehow - sad really, I know I shouldn't care. On the flipside, I'm a voyeur and love to peek into other people's lives...though, the reasons are probably similar - somehow justifying my little existence!

Not saying that everyone is motivated this way, just why I do it! :-)

@Jess13, I'm certainly not running up through the yard and peering in the windows. It's merely a quick glimpse as I drive by, harmless I assure you. Haters aren't people making "honest negative comments" as you put it. I was talking about people that make "downright cruel" comments as having something deeper going on. I really don't think you "got it" at all.

I'm definitely an over-sharer (see postmodern hostess for proof), within reason. (I did feel a little violated when our AT house tour and Kitchn tour for some reason included a photo of the inside of our kitchen pantry.) But I'm starting to share less and less, because I think we're all sharing so much, and it means that every little thing feels so overdone, even things way below the trend radar. See something on one or two blogs, and all of a sudden it feels like it's "everywhere." I recently lamented this, and am now reading far few blogs and almost entirely ignoring Pinterest. I feel far happier with our home for it.

I like the questions asked in this post. Food for thought. Personally, I blog, but not about design or homes or anything of the like - more about my hobby/sport/training. I find it helps me to collect my thoughts, record my goals and achievements, and participate in a community of like-minded people. Overall, it's a very positive experience.

As for design blogs, which I definitely love to follow, they are a different breed. AT is a collaborative effort, not a single narrative, and so doesn't follow the deeply personal stories of individuals' blogs in the same way. I come here to be inspired by many different styles and ideas. I only follow individual blogs if I feel that their style is in line with my own tastes. If I don't like something, obviously I won't become a regular reader.

On AT, I'll only participate in the love/hate dialogue if that's the question that was asked by the author - "do you like or dislike a certain design element?". If I don't like something, I feel free to say so. I won't, however, deliberately comment on a personal home tour saying I don't like it. What's the point? There are plenty of other posts that do interest me, so I put my energy to good use.

Touring a friends recent reno and criticizing = rude. Analyzing the pros and cons of design choices here at AT = helpful.

I come here not only for inspiration, but to find out from people with experience whether they like a particular design choice they made. For instance, I wanted to get very low bedside tables (about 8" lower than our mattress) entirely for the "style" factor. But after reading an entire post on the topic and all the helpful comments I decided to go with tables flush with the top of the mattress. Commenters mentioned things I had never thought about such as pillows falling off and knocking things over (we have a lot of pillows) and accessing a glass of water being easier if the table is higher (we both get very thirsty at night). So, reading the non-sugar-coated pros and cons of design choices helps us make decisions that we will be more happy with than if the "negative" comments were omitted.

I find it hilarious that the latest trend in blogging is bloggers blogging about being so!over! blogging.

I call it yet another manifestation of the "aren't I fabulous and cleaver" culture we live in, fueled uncontrollably by technology. Meanwhile, we just keep feeding data to the data-miners, who sort and collate, and ultimately sell the newly commingled data to the very same companies we do business with, so they can compete ever more effectively for our business. It's a pity, but they seem to have gotten us again!

Meanwhile, I say do what you enjoy, and with an eye out for how we are "being used" by the larger system. Call me cynical, I say realistic!

A@ Frank@Diseno: well said. You made me laugh.

"as exciting (or baffling) as this facet of blogging is to most of us, it's here to stay — it's part of our culture"....

no, hun, nothing is here to stay except birth, sex and death. In the 60's I braved being arrested by protesting the war. I believed that my generation would change the world to make it safe, peaceful, democratic, and generous. Instead the majority of my generation protested the war but went on to become bankers who sent their sons and daughters to die in Iraq and Afganistan. They broke the economy because of their greed and they have crippled democracy. What is true is that the world is always changing. Or, if you prefer, the pendelum swings back and forth because time doesn't stand still. Remember, at one time people liked to read novels; now they like to look a pictures on the internet.....is it really that different than our ancestors looking at images on a cave wall?

@HUNTED...sort of, because i agree that empty praise is as unimportant and unhelpful as negative comments. But, in your analogy, the negative comments would be more like making a point to bully the participants that didn't win, instead of simply not recognizing their efforts. So, with an imaginary megaphone to mouth, i echo the sentiment "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't post anything!"

Likewise, @JESS13's first comment, 'once you put it on the internet for attention you can't complain about the attention'

Would you agree that once you put on a short skirt and a tight top, you can't complain about the ogling, groping, or assault? Because, I believe you should expect a certain level of civility from other adults, whether you are on the internet or not. It actually takes effort to say something negative, when you could simply keep it to yourself. PIDGIE could not have been more spot on.

I thought Apartment Therapy was a pretty positive place, until I started participating more and reading comments. Here's one from a another post I just read:

"I don't understand why you are asking this question on the internet. Go get yourself some paint chips of "grey with blue or green undertones" and hold them up to each color on the couch. Pick the ones that don't suck. Paint swatches on the wall behind the couch. Pick the one that you like."

I wouldn't call that "mean," and I can understand where the commenter is coming from. I've also seen much more sarcasm on other blogs. But I just don't know what the point of making a comment like that is -- other than to make the poster feel bad for having wasted the commenter's time.

People don't often take such a harsh tone in personal interactions. And if that's what someone's actually thinking when I ask a question they think is stupid, even though they're smiling and being polite to my face, I think I'd rather not know. :)

Pidgie , I totally get what you mean about the opportune glimpse into others homes - I love that too! I don't want to see people in their homes, I want to see their homes and invoke my artistic license in creating a short story that explains how what I see is reflected in who might live there. I think its a creative and imaginative person who likes to do that and I also agree that looking at design blogs is, at least for me, and extension of that curiosity and need for visual input to fuel my own creativity when it comes to home design.

Because this post is being sponsored by AT, I would like to suggesst that AT take more responsibiity in editing their posts. The post includes apartments and independent dwellings, but there is seldom a photo tour that gives a good idea of the layout of the small spaces that are being viewed. If the purpose is to live better in smaller spaces, I feel there is need for a frame of reference rather than macro shots of pez containers.

There are some incredibly creative people who have shared their spaces on AT and I enjoy everyone of them to some degree, but I would get REAL satisfaction by seeing broader photos that illustrate the relationship of stuff to space, and how one navigates around it. I am not the only person with this comment/beef. Almost every post includes the request for understanding the room flow better, either by photo or by a plan.

And, uhum, Maxwell, you could use a proofreader.

over-sharer here (maison21 if you are curious). i started out sharing my life and projects to build my design business, and somehow found out along the way the i like being a pseudo-exhibitionist. i love that thousands of people (sort of) care what i have to say when i say it, and i also love inviting people into my world, although into a edited, public portion of said world (a photo of my dirty socks thrown on the floor isn't going to be put on the blog... unless of course, my dog or cat looks particularly cute in the photo, then all bets are off).

and just as much as i enjoy exposing bits of my life and work, i love to peek into the lives of others, so the voyeur in me hopes this is a long lived trend. more house tours, please!

MAISON21, if your dirty socks show up in a photo? I won't complain. It's all good.

I look at decorating blogs to see what's being hyped. I rarely use anything I find in photos. I enjoy AT, but the world at large has way too much junk.

I feel people that are critical about others (in a mean way) online are probably just as likely to do the same if they visit a persons home. Flipping through house tours or articles in Apartment Therapy or design blogs are a great way to take a peek into how others interpret design trends and offer a great deal of inspiration that I personally love. If something like the layout, paint colors or chairs is not to my liking it doesn't matter- cause it's not my home anyway. I suppose I try to see how a site like AT pertains to myself in a positive way instead of using it to hurt someones feelings.

Having your house photographed and published is probably a source of excitement to those who are living in them as they have clearly gone through the trouble of arranging their idea of what is beautiful. Regardless I can appreciate that and be happy for their efforts.

This is such an interesting topic. @Pidgie I too love when people leave the curtains opens so I can peak. And I ALWAYS sit on the the top deck of the bus because the higher up the flat, the less people care are about closing the curtains, but I digress...

For me the answer is twofold. When I write blog posts I get really excited. Excited about the way it looks, planning the photo layout, and the writing of course. Then as soon as I hit "PUBLISH" I doubt myself.

I wonder why I bother when only 10 people read it. I get annoyed that some of my closest friends don't follow. I wonder why I keep going.

I think personally, the reason I still do it is because I LOVE it. I love design, I love analyzing it, and I love sharing inspiration....BUT at the same time I desperately want approval. I want people to say read and say the like what I've written.

I most of us bloggers simply live design, and we love sharing. At the same time, most people we also crave the approval/ego boost.

TYPO**I want people to say they've read and like what I've written.

Sorry...I'M TIRED lol

Just recently I read that we get very little positive feedback in our lifetime, but loads and loads and loads of criticism, negativity and instructions on how to live our lives from others. We start to look at ourself in a way that is really skewed. We look for the tiniest flaws in ourselves & are always wondering why we can't be better, why we can't fix ourselves to these standards set by others .... maybe being anon. makes it easier to try and get a connection ? I don't know. it is sad. A very controlling and depressive person came to look at my garden and said "wow, look at all the weeds!" (they were all edible herbs, every last one of them, and they looked great imho.)You can't let others get you down. lots of sad people out there.

@designgratislondon I must second that. I suppose its just the idea of getting out all my ideas out there even if no one ever reads my blog :) Meanwhile though, I just checked yours out and have to say it is fantastic, will definitely be checking back!

Very insightful post. Your thoughts on being a private person echo my own. I blogged for two years before even letting search engines in. Even now, only a few friends know my url (but it's here for strangers to click on).

I am considering photographing my whole house for family back home who will never be able to visit me in Germany. But nervous about what others will say/think. My house is messy. Always. Maybe because I'm here on AT instead of downstairs folding the laundry.

@AliceInDecorLand, thank you, for that ego boost hahaha....and likewise (just checked out yours)! You have a new fan here, great blog :)

@PIDGIE - I get your point entirely. Then there is always the homes that make you go 'Hmm?' and 'Urgh!'.

For example, when my children and I walk to the playground we pass a home that always leaves their lounge room curtains open and for some reason, they still have their artificial Christmas Tree up with the baubles on it. Then there are homes with blinds open who I believe are really just show ponies, they know they have a well styled home and flaunt it. How can people walking/driving by or riding the bus NOT see into these homes? Especially when the blinds are open everynight, yes I can see your Barcelona chair and Eames lounge chair, get over yourself.

"The bottom line is that if we take ourselves a lot less seriously, we will be able to do what we want in our own homes without hesitation or oversensitivity." - Great answer to a great topic of discussion.

I started to read a lot of design and home blogs (and AT) b/c I really enjoyed seeing the DIY furniture makovers for a quarter of the cost of a designer piece at the store. The painted kitchen makeover's alone - the how to technique, what primer and paints to use, and most importantly lessons from their mistakes - all help when you want to fix up your home on a budget. I appreciate real life tips.

The blogs that I have stopped reading are the ones that bought into the fan fare of how 'perfect' their lives are. I can't relate to perfect b/c I am not even close to that. For me a good blogger is a medium of the two. Inspires me to try beautiful design and crafts and yet makes me feel like they wouldn't turn their nose up at me if they saw my behind the scenes. You know, like a good friend that you can vent and encourage at the same time.

I just enjoyed @LUNAWHITE ..and her little 'rant'. I def heard her accent too...LOVE it! :)

@NIGHT You couldn't of said it for MOST of us better! Thanks! The 'real life/tried and true and tried and failed are what help most of along in our little homes and havens....(we hope they are..as we are here to seek and share the best ways to accomplish even a LITTLE of this sometimes...so valued to ME over the years...)

Reading these comments, I realize that I honestly don't care what strangers think about me or my style because I've been written off by people my entire life, and if I cared I would have been crushed by age 7. They can't hurt me unless I let them and I simply don't.

@Parnassus How can ANYONE be bothered about what strangers think? We don't know them.They are quite probably idiots. Even if they aren't, who cares? It is totally insane to be concerned about what other people think. People who do are pretty warped in my opinion.

I don't understand why anyone would care what anonymous strangers think of their furniture--unless the strangers have genuinely helpful advice--and I don't understand why anyone who would be hurt by strangers' criticism of their furniture would post pictures of it for strangers to criticize.

@Amaranta, agreed. But some of these posts make it sound like some bloggers are hoping to be validated, and are hurt by less than kind comments. I was trying to say in my idiotic way that bloggers shouldn't let a few negative comments shut them down. Be brave!

I really enjoyed many points in this article, but I want to concern my comment with one particular statement: "We definitely can't be wrong if we are generally kind, honest, and helpful." Yes! Yes, please. I have been horrified by some of the cruel comments I've read here on AT. It is really sad that people can be so mean discussing another person's home. Try to remember that the owner--a real human being--will be reading your comments. Be constructive with your criticism, not vicious.

I think it's interesting that so many AT folks are surprised that those who put themselves out there and post would take offense at nasty, snarky comments, instead of being surprised at how many feel the need to make nasty snarky comments about someone's real-life house.

These aren't artists, or celebrities with a thick skin for whom it is just part of the territory. To say you shouldn't post if you don't want people to be mean puts the onus on the poster, when it is really on the one who feels compelled to comment.

To me, the question isn't "why share?"...we are taught from early childhood to show others our accomplishments when we are proud of them. To me, the question is "why the need to be nasty and say things you would never have the poor manners to say in person?"

It would be an interesting study to correlate those who think the problem is people getting offended with the history of their own comments on the site. I would venture a bet that there are some mean-spirited, sarcastic or insulting quips in there...

Let's just be nice, you know? What do you gain from being so brutal? Eventually, people WILL stop posting if they don't want you to be mean...and it will be the downfall of the site. Be constructive...heck, be honest. But stop it with the "nannynannybooboo you're soooo tacky and I bet those balloons aren't eco-friendly and could choke and kill your kids so child services should be involved" stuff.

PLEASE?

I did not watch the Oprah show with much regularity, but happened to catch a few of her last few episodes. One revelation she shared was when she said something to the effect that after all her decades of interviews and after having met hundreds of people from every walk of life, the most famous to the most disenfranchised ..from Nelson Mandela to the guy on death row...there was ONE Consistent TRUTH , and only one that she said EVERYONE on Earth shares and that ....is the desire to be validated. To have had their time on Earth have meant something.
Personally, I think there is a direct correlation between how technological we become, and how intense the desires to connect become. It seems like the further we get from intimacy in our communication physically, we text to the person in the next room....the MORE intimate our far reaching internet communication gets. But thats just me.

As a longtime renter and current condo owner (now seriously underwater, natch), I find others' design choices to be totally fascinating, especially because of the range of aesthetics and personalities and budgets that are part of the mix, whether on AT or other websites or blogs or print magazines.

Realistically, I appreciate the less expensive options even more for their potential practical application to my own life, but I also love to ooh and ahhh over the high-end choices, too; they're such fabulous eye candy. They're such a visual treat at the end of another work day that's mainly about information and the written word.

Beyond that, aren't we all curious about how other people live? In the old days, every stranger's closed door was just that; now, with the abundance of online resources, it's potentially an open door to a look at someone's creativity, problem-solving and, well, their overall life.

Also, I think looking at some of the Home Tours and seeing what resonates with you on a visceral level really makes you think what you want in your own life, what's important and what may be missing now.

For me, a lot of it comes back to the question of : What is HOME? What makes a place Home for you? (Do you feel at home where you are now?) What would make a place home for me? Where is home?

(As for the other side of the coin -- why people put themselves out there with tours of their homes - I've noticed that a lot of the people are bloggers or designers or stylists, so I figure those people regard the Home Tours as good PR for themselves, which is fine by me. For others, maybe it is a simple feeling of pride in or enthusiasm for their space, and that's cool, too.)

@ RKTRIX since watching 'The Age of Innocence' I have so much admiration for set/prop designers - not sure which title - and not only use online blogs for design inspiration but film and TV sets too. You are correct, seeing so much visual/design inspiration versus using it are two different things. Can I use the Arne Jacobsen Egg Chair that I've been eyeing for the last 2 years side-by-side with my Fiance's beloved Lazy Boy recliner? It's like Frasier arguing over Martin's horrible green armchair all over again.

@night - I agree on bloggers and perfect lives. There are so many blogs that I've dropped from my reading list and the ones leftover, I can definitely relate to or thoroughly enjoy.

did anyone mention $$$$.... thats why many people share on blogs. On the hope to make money, have their post shared on other blogs etc. I have a blog. I enjoy it and the small amount of readers I have. You feel connected when people say they really enjoy the way you write. I dont think its necessarily the need for approval, or having ego stroked as I would be fine without the blog. I would also love to be one of the lucky bloggers that make money off it, but until then... I'll just plod along sharing crafts, kids stuff, parties, and general family life.

Those who have nought to offer except negativity say far more about their own headspace than the actual livingspace they are attacking. Why bother putting negativity out there? If you don't like what you see, don't look at it and don't comment. I enjoy looking at house tours just to peep behind the curtains and see how others live and decorate even if I don't actually like every single style seen. Should there be something I really like, I'll be sure to post about it. I'm grateful there are forums for people to share their homes and lives with others and thankfully there seems to be many people who are happy to show their homes.

I think house tour comments should be disabled. I stopped readinG them months ago. they are either OHHHH favourite house tour EVER, or mean snarky bitchy jealous comments.
I know If I like something or not and comments on house tours isnt going to change that, I dont find them constructive.BAN THE HOUSE TOUR COMMENTS.

I believe the voice of a million people clammering for attention will always redesign a trend. I love to look at stuff, blogs are like virtual museums of real life and the comments are like tags on a passing subway.
I also like the bedsheets in this post ;)

Two years ago, my husband and I moved to a disaster 1890’s Victorian. We have lived here while rehabbing it ourselves, and eventually I started blogging our renovation.

The Internet had become part of my life in a way that it wasn’t before. I found myself agonizing over tile, paint, sinks, lighting, closet layout, sofa choices… to an extent that is ridiculous. The only place I found other people who cared as much about these details were home-centric blogs. The ones with actual content—actual homes, with real projects, real experiences, and real limitations. Not just gorgeous pictures and pristinely decorated, unattainable spaces.

I found myself wanting to share the process of what we are doing with our home, with people who are similarly inclined. In some ways it’s good… in some ways it’s just wasting more time on the minutiae of house-stuff, when I should be reading Proust, or finding a cure for cancer…

I love design blogs like AT but I will never be one of those people to document their life in a blog or house tour. I cannot get over the snark in some postings. I look at a house tour and mentally file away things that I like and think about how I can incorporate something like it into my life. The things I don't like I ignore, usually don't think about again and don't feel the need to comment on. The web offers a lot of anonymity. If a friend showed off their renovation and there were things that someone did not like, would we blast them as harshly as we do on the web?

"why are we so quick to be insulting, opinionated, and sometimes even cruel?"

Because immature people think snarky-ness is cool, funny and a sign of intelligence. Right now, obnoxious is considered a "character trait" rather than a flaw.

"And taking that logic one step further, why do we even care what strangers on the internet have to say about our own design choices?"

Because we probably spent a lot of time, effort and money to create this very personal piece of art that expresses the way we want to live. Criticism hurts us like it would any artist.

Why do we share it, then?
For the same reasons people carry wallet pics of their kids. We are proud of our creation and ingenuity. :)

Claireny nailed this almost instantly, but I'd like to elaborate on her comment "Our interiors are a direct extension of ourselves." We live in a service economy and an information culture, where people don't manufacture things for a living, and don't make things much at all, especially compared to the olden days when every hosuewife sewed, Dagwood Bumstead built birdhouses, and little boys put model planes together. Now we buy stuff instead of making it, and shopping is a hobby. For a lot of people, what they choose, what they buy, is a huge part of their identity. That's behind Pinterest too -- "I don't have a huge house and a lot of money, but if I did, here's how I'd decorate it, and I need to make my choices known. Aren't they great?" And as for design blog commentary: "The visible parts of my life -- the things I do that show -- are based in the fact that I spend lots of time deciding which shade of green is perfect and which sofa placement is best, and when I see someone choose differently, it feels like a negation of my identity."

I have contemplated starting a blog many times. I love design, interiors, landscapes, crafts, cooking. . . all things beautiful. It just makes me happy. My friends call me the hip Martha Stuart. I secretly with I could be that and escape the drudgery of 'real work/jobs'. Blogs are a free way to get exposure and pursue that (or a similar) dream.

It is an outlet, a goal, a fun escape - for many I think.

I read AT and other design blogs to get inspired and to spark ideas. There have been many times when I've thought, "Huh, I never would have thought to do that," or, "I never would have gone to that store to look for X." For me, the benefit of seeing DIY/"real-life homes" is that you can see how people *really* design (not how celebrities or professional designers put rooms together). The result is that you get to see some great, eclectic, inspired stuff that maybe you wouldn't find in the polished pages of ELLE Decor (not knockin' ELLE--I like it too).

I think they also give people a more realistic vision of what it takes to put a house together. For real folks with real budgets it takes time, saving up, trying/failing, resourcefulness, more saving up--I think a lot of good blogs today reflect that (like Young House Love). Even if you don't agree with someone's aesthetic, maybe you can feel less along knowing that there are people out there just like you--trying to find their design groove and taking things one room at a time...

@USERNAME26:"I don't think a negative comment is akin to sexual harrassment"

Not "akin", just analogous. It's the same principle of being cruel because someone was "asking for it" simply by expressing themselves (in a way that doesn't affect you at all.) e.g. color coded bookshelves, puttin' birds on things,etc.

If a person don't like something, or he/she thinks it's been overdone, fantastic! That person can silently see to it that he/she doesn't put birds on his/her stuff, without taking cheap shots at someone for "daring" to put themselves out there. Discussion's great. Constructive criticism's great. Diplomatically-worded advice is great. But just saying something like, "Ick!! If I have to look at one more farm table, i think my eyes are gonna bleed!" at a real person's REAL HOME is helpful to no one, and not a discussion. And it definitely reveals something very sad and pathetic about the person posting it.

There are so many issues raised by the post that its hard to limit one's comments. I have commented in a way that could be characterized as "negative", and what has prompted it, generally, has been inauthenticity - I am somewhat offended that a person believes they can "snow" me in some way, by an inaccurate history, or a product endorsement. I don't think I normally comment on matters of taste, although in earlier days, I may have. There are strange things going on in decorating blogs, and the commercial aspect makes bloggers and their publishers say strange things. Those items are certainly ripe for comment if comments are permitted. As to amateur homes, I do think that if you put it out there for comment, you should expect some negative comments. There is a desire by some to be witty and that may come off to other readers as "snarky" or sarcastic. But if you want an actual conversation, about ideas, even ideas as humdrum as decorating [jk], you cannot isolate the negative. In a way, the negative is what drives the improvement. It seems to me that blogs are like stores, and posting your home or design project online is like circulating a catalog - you did it to improve your outcome; you do not control the criticism it inspires; you should read the negative comments and look for things to take away from them that will improve your product or project or perspective. No one likes to hear negative attributes about themselves; it is unpleasant. But blogs are businesses, and many of the tours here are people seeking publicity for themselves or their businesses, and they should look for all feedback, even if its not pretty, because that is the full perspective. Do people innovate if they think its perfect?

There is also a strange double standard suggested in the comments to this post: when you express an opinion, it would not be strange for your conversation partner to ask you to support it. Dialogues have two sides. Should this construct not apply to decorating blogs? Is it not a dialogue after all? The business model seems to want a dialogue - especially when the comments draw traffic, and not just the post.

Finally, I think that especially with respect to home tours in particular, what is going on in the home may be perfectly wonderful, but its photographic depiction can make it appear less desirable. I have stopped looking at many house tours in recent years, because there are just too many pictures or too much duplication or a focus on minutiae or even, dare I say it, blurry images. So if you are posting your home, you have an added layer of concern in the photography and editing. I feel like in the early days, a tour was a real tour through a home; by comparison, now it feels like a collection of images of staged areas of a home. It may be, however, that online house tours have evolved, and I am just behind.

@bee for brian: I couldn't agree more with your comments!

I think part of it is just saying "hey I exist!" It's proof that other people recognize your life.

Just from this comment thread I've found three blogs that are interesting to me. AT is also a platform for other people's blogs/business and not just the home tours. This keeps me interested because I like a new blog to read, just like picking up a new book at the store/library.

I think someone has already commented on this but seeing how several people interpret one design element is fascinating to me. It could be the same art print/retro chair/bed linen etc used in the home of a sculptor versus photographer versus homemaker. The interpretations are never ending and that is what keeps design/home blogs interesting.

Other blogs where it's all Me-Me-Me can get tiring especially if the blogger moves one piece of furniture around three different rooms and then asks 'What do you think?'. Or they buy one rug, review it, exchange then buy another rug, review it and ask again 'What do you think?' By now, it's For frogs' sake! Just decorate and move on. Those blogs I check on twice a year and they've maybe done two new things but everything else has been DIY-ed to death.

I agree, the blog world is a bit bizarre. It's one big ocean out there and if this is what makes us all happy and we gain from others blogs in a positive way, why not!

Flamers and trolls have always been part of online culture, long before blogging appeared on the horizon. Asking the interwebs to be nicer to one another is like trying to herd a few million angry wasps.

I really appreciate the blogging world. There is so much to learn from all of the different perspectives and talents out there. Often, I will find tips or products that I never would have found on my own, through a blog.

I do not believe that most people blog for attention or approval. I am sure there are people that may be insecure and feel that need for some strange person's approval. But it takes guts to blog and openly share your life in the first place, so I doubt that describes an insecure person.

People blog for different reasons. One of them is community. You may not have a lot of friends in your local area that share your love of design or decor, and you reach out to find that in the blogging world. Of course people that love what you have to offer will stick around and the ones that don't, won't. So, it's a self weeding type of process.

Another reason to blog is people love teaching and feel they have something to offer. And I for one, love to learn something new.

There are also those that seek to earn a living off of something that they feel they are good at and good for them.

One thing I would love to not see is a bunch of snarky, judgmental comments, but such is life and I guess there is no changing the people who live in Jerry Springer worlds.

I enjoy design blogs. Sometimes I get great ideas, which seems to me the real beauty of blogs.
I do think it takes a certain type of person to be willing to have photos of their home posted on a site like AT. In general, I'd guess that those people like their style and enjoy the idea of sharing what they've accomplished. Are we all going to like everything we see? Of course not. But along with the idea of over-sharing from the perspective of the posters is the over-sharing (if you can really call it such) of commenters. Why are there so many who feel that their point of view is the correct one? Why do so many commenters feel that the person who's home is on display is, in fact, looking for advice about how they could have done it better? There are AT commenters who think it is their responsibility to say that the room is wrong because furniture is against the wall instead of floating, or art needs to be re-framed because light wood and white mattes are wrong on a white wall, or any of a number of different things. It seems to me that if the post specifically asks for suggestions, then have at it. Otherwise, read the post. If you have something you can comment on in a positive way (which is NOT the same as always saying you LOVE it), or you have a question, great. If not, let it go. It's that point where people should ask themselves "Do I need to say anything?" where I think people might stop themselves in a live encounter but figure anything goes on the anonymous internet. That's when I find myself shaking my head at my computer and saying "Was that really necessary?" In my experience, AT has some of rudest commenters of any design blog.

Great article. Thanks for the encouragement toward kindness and appreciation of differences. I am not a verbal critic, but I think I have lots of cruel thoughts that no one will ever hear. I'd like to see my attitude change today!

My take on it is that people just want to be noticed. Blogs give people the chance to feel more visible to a broader audience. Unfortunately too often people are just looking for praise and not taking the opportunity for it to be a learning experience.

Lately, I've noticed that blogs are deleting more and more negative responses or criticisms. Sure, comments can be mean-spirited and/or sarcastic but if they have an actual critique I see no reason to delete any comment. If comments like "Love it!" don't get deleted why should comments like "Hate it!" get deleted? Equally are useless and add little to the dialogue. I feel like a standard for deleting comments should apply across the board for negative and positive comments.

I think we can learn a lot from criticisms versus praise. All the homes featured here I think have already received praise by being selected. I think constructive criticisms about what isn't working in the space can become an enlightening and interesting discussion for the commenters and the homeowner if they care to join in.

The internet is the modern version of a cocktail party. It's where we show off, talk about the things we've done, and try to make new friends. We have replaced living with browsing. Sadly.

I love this post. I mean I too feel a certain pride at the home I have created for myself, on the opposite side of the country as I grew up on. It's nice to share the home with people, and I guess now we just have the luxury of caring more about the form of our spaces and belongings because we can take their fuction for granted.

I get it, the desire to share, but I'm not exactly "guilty".
The criticism from strangers on ones space should be expected but taken with a grain of salt. We all live differently. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yadda yadda yadda.