If a gathering is getting that big, I change the direction of the event- either go with an open house style party that allows me to invite all of those friends of friends, or I make it more intimate and choose my guests carefully. The ones that are left out will get an invite next time.

I recently ran into this planning for Thanksgiving. It's me and my husband's first year hosting - We have a small house and a pretty big family. Our table seats 6 at the most. I planned on borrowing folding tables and renting chairs to make it work. To do this, I would still have to cut down the list drastically. I thought about waiting last minute to invite people in hopes that they would have other plans at that point. I ultimately decided I'd rather have everyone together and have no one feel left out... so my dream of an intimate sit-down has transformed into a buffet for 30 haha! But, I'm still happy with my choice - everyone deserves to be surrounded by friends and family around the holidays - I just couldn't exclude this time of year :)

Since some friends have started having kids and other friends are decidedly child free, my biggest issue with parties is trying to accommodate both groups. I've found that having a mellow time (earlier) and a whoo hoo! time (later) makes it fun for everyone. I don't even try to limit the guest list. The more than merrier!

For smaller gatherings, I start with a number of guests -- six or eight is good for a dinner party -- and go from there. I ask myself, "Who do I most want to see?" and it's usually pretty easy to draw up a list.

One tactic I use and I admit it's a little low, is to invite people that I know don't really get along. You know, the ones that won't show up if so-and-so are invited? The reason is because my boyfriend has Invitation-itis and always wants a large group around, and often forgets that some people don't mesh well together. I also host several get togethers. Fortunately our apartment is small, so we invite separate groups of friends over on different dates.

I don't have that much experience with throwing parties, but I usually select my guests based on something we have in common or shared ('former house mates', 'friends from work', 'friends from college', 'friends that got together to buy me a wedding gift' etc.). I could see myself throwing a Christmas party for just one of those groups, and I don't think anyone would be offended. I would simply say that I'm throwing a small party 'for my friends from college', for example. Than someone belonging to one of the other groups won't be upset (I think...). It's different with birthday parties, where I would probably invite all my friends, or do something small and not call it a party. I must admit that my tactics would be difficult to implement when friends belong to various groups, but they don't.

I think I sort of envy people who know enough other people to have this dilemma. I realized that I don't have enough people in my life that I want to see in my house to actually HAVE much of a party, and most of them live too far away to be likely to come if invited. (I don't live anywhere near where I grew up or went to school and I'm not a "joiner" of groups such as churches or clubs where people meet.)

On the other hand, it's easy to have a lovely intimate gathering of people I enjoy without being fraught.

I generally let my friends self-select. I'd rather invite a big group and then let them decide if they're coming or not. We don't entertain all that much, so it's usually not a big deal. I just want them to RSVP so that I know how much food to make!

I read this advice once in an Ina Garten cookbook and it really stuck with me (paraphrasing):

Just invite people who you want to spend time with, because otherwise, you'll get stuck in the annoying perpetual invitation cycle with people you don't want to see all that often.

And it's true.

My roommates and I threw a housewarming party recently, and were concerned about the number of people our apartment could hold. We went with a casual open house type party and picked a local bar we could relocate to if it got out of hand.

I will host cocktail and appetizer potlucks from 6:00 to 9:00pm.That way we don't worry about having to provide food and drinks for everyone. People love to bring their favorite eats to share. People will come and go with only our hard core friends staying all evening. I have had to briefly accommodate 40 in a 775 sf condo. Usually if it gets too crowded people will not stay long.

I solved this last year. I decided to host a holiday party the Friday before Christmas, since it didn't seem as though any of my close friends had any plans. So, I invited the core group a week before, then 2 days before the party I emailed to the whole extended group, right up to people I hardly know but want to get to know better, friends of friends, told people to bring a friend. I worded it casually, like "Hey, we just decided to throw together this at the last minute, if you can get a babysitter, or if you have another party and would like to stop in if only for a few minutes....." We knew not everyone would have a babysitter, and people would have other plans, so I didn't even expect half of that group would make it. We had a blast with a super fun group, dancing until the last guests left at 2:30 AM!

After throwing many dinner parties/bbqs/get-togethers, I've learned a few things about putting together a guest list. I only invite people who:
1. I treasure their company
2. Are gracious guests
3. Return the sentiment (which does not have to mean an equal invite ... it could be anything from offering to help with a project, to lend me their car, etc)

After that, it's really up to if I have room or not to fit more. I no longer worry too much about hurt feelings. If it comes up in conversation later, I just share that my apartment is small and maybe we could make plans to catch up after the holidays. If the conversation stays, well, conversational (and not apologetic), usually everything works out and we all move on.

Keep it a little more impromptu and the guest list will naturally whittle itself down. Tell your best friends about it as soon as you feel 100% sure about the date, but then wait to invite that next tier of people until the day is closing in. There will be people busy on short notice who can't come, and there will be people who are happy to have sudden plans. If anyone complains about not being invited sooner, well that's weird of them anyway. Maybe they're the ones who don't get invited next time.

When keeping it small, I send invitations in the mail (vs. an email or FB invite) so that people know that it's a "special" event, not a casual drop-in affair. If I have to ask someone multiple times to RSVP, then there's a good chance they won't be invited to the next small gathering. Set a date that you need to know by, and then if they still aren't sure if they can make it, you have time to invite another friend. Also, be comfortable telling someone that they can't bring a friend along to a particular get-together.

Our place is small. Recently we had a fairly large group for our place (12 people) over for dinner. It was an opportunity to invite over new friends who we wanted to get to know better. We threw in a few old but mutual friends or people we wanted to introduce to eachother into the mix as well. A few other friends who weren't invited thought it was curious but nobody seemed really hurt by it when we explained our intentions. They know if we had room and resources we would invite everyone! Just be open and honest about it.

A friend and I decided at the last minute to hold a party on Christmas Eve - something super low-key, just a drop-by-and-nosh thing people could do between all their other obligations. No pressure, no fuss. (The invitation said: Wear your church clothes, or your pajamas, or anything in between!) We invited virtually everyone we knew, thinking we'd get at most eight or nine people.

We got about 40.

So there was a lot of last-minute cooking and shopping and cleaning and freaking, but you know what? I wouldn't change a thing. People had a wonderful time. For parents it was something to do with their kids that let them burn off some of that "waiting for Santa" steam; for people a little overwhelmed by family pressures, it was a chance to get away; and folks stayed for 20 minutes or four hours as their own schedules demanded. (And yes, there were people there in church clothes AND in pajamas.) I ran around like a crazy person the whole time but had SO MUCH FUN.

So I say, test your limits. Have a blast. If your biggest problem is having too many friends, that's the definition of a luxury problem.

We are dealing with this right now as we are planning our daughter's Simchat Bat (baby-naming ceremony.) We both work at the same place, and it's really hard to know where to draw the line for invitations--just the people in our divisions? Just the people we hang out with socially? Just people with kids? We ended up sending out invitations to everybody, rather than risking hurting anyone's feelings or accidentally forgetting someone. A weird solution presented itself: for reasons relating to religious ritual, we're having the event on a Friday morning at 11:00. The upside is that the guest list is naturally limited, and we are able to say "We know you might not be able to make it--if you can't, we'd love to arrange a visit another time!" The downside is that some of the people who CAN make it aren't necessarily the people we would have invited, so our guest list is looking pretty bizarre, but I guess that's what parties are all about, right?

I used to invite so many people even those who not so close to us and allowed my invites to tag along some friends too. I learned my lesson. Instead I just send texts to my closest friends as invites and tell them its a small get together. I usually prioritize family members first and then closest friends next.

Not boasting, but I one of those people who can spontaneously assemble a group, feed everybody, initiate conversation, introduce strangers, and do it efficiently so that I can take a shower and nap before guests arrive---after I've cooked a large meal. It's all a matter of planning, taking deep breaths, and gathering a group of people who have certain characteristics which will enhance conversation and enjoyment.

My friends are from different parts of the world, the work world, past and present, various ages. Some know each other and others do not. I first select those I'd like to see (or I'm reciprocating an event), but I include an extrovert; a charming person(s) who will reach out to shy people; someone who is comfortable in a large group; couples who move beyond sitting next to each other and holding their own private conversations, and if there's a witty person, it makes all the difference.And I never have an even number of guests. The twosie club becomes very insular (I'm a single after a long marriage). I also cook something no one has eaten before. And, because I'm not a dessert person, I do ask guests to bring a small dessert or wine.

The important clue to my enjoying the event is to cook dishes which can be served so that I spend much time at the table with my guests. I do not serve formal meals which require serving, removing, and replacing many dishes.

Nowadays, I have a tiny galley kitchen and small apartment, so planning and organization are a must.(Another disclosure: I have no matching dishes!)