Much like the MTV VMAs, the hype that surrounded the Apple's Let's Rock keynote was full of wary expectation: it was inevitable that Jobs would unveil the greatest, thinnest, and, oh yes, FUNNEST, iPod ever (and the new iTunes 8.0), but we all hoped that One More Thing would include a surprise performance of Britney unleashing a cage of saber-tooth tigers and writhing around the stage in a white pleather jumpsuit emblazoned with the Apple logo. Too much to ask? Read on!Steve Jobs announces he's not dead, comes out on stage and shows the world what he's been listening to on his fictional deathbed: a smattering of Cream, CCR, Chuck Berry, Lynyrd Skynrd...and a lot of John Mayer. Whatever, we're not judging. The new iTunes Store has a new thing called Genius, which sends info to your iTunes Library without spilling your deep, dirty, dark secrets to anyone else, but lumps 'em together with other iTunes users, thus creating a highly developed computer-based military defense system that becomes sentient...oh wait. Anyway, the new iPod is ditching the plus-size model because everyone loves the skinny ones, and the new iPod nano is also taller with a larger screen with curves. (All of a sudden, we're having flashbacks to New York Fashion Week.)
iPod Touch has garnered a lot of praise (and a lot of dirty jokes, courtesy of Gregory) since its debut. It's still the Ghetto iPhone that we all know and love, except with the added Genius playlist, App Store, and the Nike+ iPod receiver built into it. Additionally, Phil comes on stage and shows off some games and apps and basically says, "Bite me, Sony PSP!" And that's pretty much all you need to know about that.
Steve And His Holey Jeans comes back out and tells everyone to upgrade their iPod Touch for 2.1 ($9.95 if you've only got 1.x, free if you have 2.0), and everyone who has a buggy iPhone can update theirs on Friday. Translation: Back up your iPhone.
Finally, Jack Johnson comes on stage and warbles some songs from Curious George and comments on the lack of 20-year-old girls in the audience. Because apparently, that's what would make this keynote really, truly rock out. Although, we wouldn't mind the Britney performance either.