i think i want that lamp...registry or not.

Well, it's better than getting 4 toasters, 7 sets of frilly/embroidered guest-towels and a lifetime supply of lavalamps...

I love the idea and don't think it's tacky at all. The couple will get exactly what they want/need and won't have to pretend to like things people give them; they'll love their gifts!

It's not tacky since their friends are actually asking them what they want.

Of course, I always do lists...for every birthday and holiday. Everyone involved likes it that way. :P

For my housewarming I gave guest a list of my 4 favorite home stores. It worked out great!

Not necessarily tacky, but........ presumptuous?

Sorry, but something doesn't feel right.

sorry, but I vote tacky.

This is an instance where I can see Facebook being useful. A mass email may come off a bit aggressive, but posting a notice about it is reasonable.

And anyway so much of taste and tackiness stems from how a person does something -- not whether or not they do it.

Tacky and presumptuous.

Then what if they get married? They'll make up another registry?

Wedding etiquette is that you register for gifts, but don't tell people unless they ask. Of course no one follows that anymore.

However, I think that would apply very nicely here. It's not tacky because you haven't announced "Hey buy me gifts!" but it's there if someone inquires.

Yes, MissMatlock, and the fact that it's there is presumptuous.

a. Tacky

b. Will encourage way more consumption than if they actually had to consider each purchase.

c. Likely will mean more new purchases rather than the slower but more sensible Craigslist purchases

of course, all three points COULD be mitigated by the method of announcing and by the behavior of the friends.

I say presumptuous as well. Only because you are inviting people over to celebrate something most people in this economy can't do right now AND you are asking them to buy you something.

Maybe if someone asks what you want or need to can direct them to a registry that you haven't advertised?

tacky. tacky. tacky. housewarmers should provide food and drink in exchange for attendance and a warmed house. nothing material should be asked for, but should be graciously accepted if presented.

Completely presumptuous and ridiculous. Do people expect gifts for everything these days? If someone wants to buy me something, they should be close enough to me to know what I like. End of story.

And I would never ever expect a gift for my wedding, engagement, housewarming or any life event. I can pay for my own pots and pans, thank you.

I agree with creative license that something about it seems a little off... But I always keep an Amazon wish list for birthdays and holidays, and I guess it's no different than that! If their friends want it I don't see any reason they couldn't register.

Wow. If I was required to give a gift every time friends moved from a studio to a one-bedroom, I'd be even broker.

And what happens when they decide to go minimalist a few years later (and get rid of your gift), then require a guest room a few years after that?

I'm all for celebrating major occasions with gifts, but I do not see how moving from a studio to a one-bedroom qualifies as a major occasion (regardless of whether they plan to marry).

I hate the habit of registries in general, they're always tacky AND presumptuous. They're bad enough for weddings, but for a new apartment? Unimaginable.

tacky. the point of a housewarming is to warm the house and welcome your friends/family into your new home, not receive gifts. if anyone asks, i tell them, 'just bring some booze to keep the party going'.

A "verlanglijstje" or "wish list" is almost an institution in the Netherlands - I found it a bit tacky, too, when I moved here decades ago but I'm used to it now. Either you put together your list and hand it over to a friend or family member who becomes the contact and crosses things off when prospective guests have heard the choices and decided what they will buy...or you just state in your invitation what it is you'd like to have. It's perfectly acceptable to, for instance, write, "I'm rethinking my garden, so plants would be appreciated", or even "Gifts in envelopes, please!" It's just the no-nonsense Dutch way...

Too much thinking on this one...

I absolutely agree with gradepadre. This becomes just another reason for people to get free things.

I'm with spazpanda. Jeez. I can't imagine if I had to buy a gift every time one of my friends moved.

And registering? Tacky and presumptuous for sure. I can't imagine more than, say, 3 friends have asked them what they need for their new apartment. And while I would argue that they should answer "NOTHING, just your warmth," and get their own damn stuff... if they really want to they could give specific answers to those few people.

The other people -- who have not asked you what you want -- they don't want to be made to feel guilty by your out-of-place registry.

Wow! SUPER tacky!

Clearly this is a group of friends from a higher income bracket than me, because I would never dream of registering for gifts for any occasion other than a wedding or a baby shower. Period. It's extremely rude to assume that people should/would want to buy you a gift. That's what makes it a gift after all isn't it? It's a completely unnecessary nicety that someone put thought into because they LIKE you... not because they'd feel socially shamed if they didn't have a box with a bow on arrival.

And, ahem, this person is moving into a 1BR, not from a studio to a large house. How much more stuff do they honestly need?

I'd say tacky but my mum tells me she had a registry when she had a housewarming for the first house she bought (all on her own) and when she and my dad bought a house together to start their family (they had been living in my mum's home prior too) and it was only given to family and close friends. If you don't plan on living there for more than 5 years or so I'd still say tacky although that commercial where the couple receives 100 dip trays does make me reconsider.

I think ALL gift registries are tacky and presumptuous so I never consult them. Either I know them well enough to choose something *I* think they will like (and I can afford), or else they get something anybody can use (food, gift certificates) or nothing at all.

Gift registries both assume people WILL give gifts, and that they will give gifts **within the specified price range**. (Like, here, spend a hundred bucks on me!)Maybe they are sort of ok for family, who want to contribute to something bigger like an expensive set of specific china or whatever, but otherwise I think the presumption should be that you WON'T get gifts. Then when you do, be nice about it.

Gifts are supposed to be voluntary expressions of affection, not obligatory subsidies!

I don't think it is tacky at all. We've had a housewarming and several birthday parties and especially said we did not want anything. Friends want to give you something anyway, because they want to share the joy of your new home or birthday. It's better to have a registry than they give useless things that will end up on craigslist anyway...

Mostly I think it's just what the culture in the group is. If all your friends obsess about consumption and footprint, don't expect gifts at all;)

Gift registries are by definition tacky.

They're only tolerated for weddings because it would be a logistical nightmare otherwise. Even then, they should be handled with extreme caution and taste.

In this case, I agree with the commenters above who said it was presumptuous. I don't think that housewarming gifts are a given.

For a housewarming, no gifts should be expected -- but the host should be ready to accept the inevitable houseplant and make a hearty attempt to keep it alive for at least the first month.

The only person you should write a 'What I Want' letter to is Santa.... and you should grow out of that phase by the time you buy your own house.

When the receiver of the gifts (bride and groom or, in this case, new home owners) provides their registry list to people they expect/hope to give gifts they are being incredibly rude. Expectations for gifts are, quite simply, tacky and childish.
Let your friends and loved ones pick out a gift as they chose and be grateful for their thought and generosity. You should never expect gifts and always be gracious and thankful for gifts you receive (even if you don't like them).

I don't think it is tacky, for this reason:

"all of their friends have been pestering them about what they want and need in their new home"

It's not like they announced out of the blue that everyone is now required to buy them something in order to visit their new home. Their friends WANT to give a gift, and nobody wants to give something useless or duplicate. Even if I know a friend well enough to pick out something they would love, there is probably something they need that I wouldn't have guessed.

Maybe this is just me, but I never really considered housewarming and wedding to be on equal footing. I've brought food or flowers or a bottle of wine to a housewarming, but never anything on par to what I would buy for a wedding.

A housewarming is for welcoming your friends into your new place. It's not for scoring new stuff.

A plate of homemade cookies, a bottle of wine, a six-pack of beer, or a bunch of flowers are appropriate house-warming gifts. If someone wants to bring something more -- a small household item like a corkscrew or some fancy soap for a bathroom -- that's fine... but it should be that guest's decision, not the host's.

Registering for a housewarming is tacky and ungracious and super-awkward all around!

Tacky. If you want to throw a housewarming party, insist that people not buy you gifts. If they really want to buy you a gift, they'll figure something out or you can return the duplicates.

I'm not crazy about the idea of bridal shower gifts and wedding gifts either. I get that people celebrate things by buying each other gifts, but how much crap do people really need?! Most registries are completely over the top. I'm pretty minimalistic so I guess it's just something I can't relate to - I don't WANT to get a bunch of crap I have to store and take care of. That's like the opposite of a gift to me!

I don't think its tacky. I prefer to buy something that I KNOW they need/want, rather than chance getting something they already have/don't want, whether the event is a wedding, baby, anniversary or housewarming. And its something I'm happy to do.

That said, I only ever buy housewarming gifts for friends and family moving into their FIRST rental, and then their FIRST purchase. After that, it seems a little odd, unless they're very close to me.

Come to think of it, when we bought our house it didn't even occur to me that we would receive gifts. We'd already been married, and received every kind of household item we could possibly need. Every time someone asked me what we'd like, I said 'plants,' only because my mom had said it was the traditional gift for housewarmings.

Beyond tacky.

I want that lamp too!

I would say this is not tacky IF they only share the registry information with someone when that someone asks what they'd like as a gift.
This way, people who don't want to give (ridiculous) gifts don't even need to know that a registry is involved.

@sagekitten85, everyone seems to be completely disregarding that tidbit

tacky! if someone wants to get you something, just tell them to bring a bottle of their favouorite wine.... then they can enjoy it with you.
... however... with some registries you get 10% off whatever you don't receive, so you could always do a registry anytime you want a discount on a few major items??? Just don't tell anyone :P

Horrible
Perhaps their friends are asking them what they need so they can offer stuff they may not be using anymore.
Not because they want to buy them something new.

If someone is gracious enough to buy you a gift then be thankful and if you don't like it try to exchange or resell it. I have never heard of housewarming gifts that people should register. Just something small and sweet, if anything.

Totally tacky - Oh and parents... registering for a childs first (or any) birthday gifts is just as bad.

Read this discussion with Miss Manners (Judith Martin) on the topic; I have to agree with her.

http://www.wowowow.com/conversation/Judith-Martin-Miss-Manners-says-its-all-about-greed-124439?page=0%2C0

JUDITH: "People often ask me, "What is the number one etiquette problem in America?" They think I’m going to say using the wrong fork or talking on cell phones, but it’s been, for some time now, unbridled greed. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

It is unashamed, unsubtle grabbing-at schemes to live above one’s means, at the expense of others. And people think of these techniques as normal because they’re so widespread now, like the gift registry and the cash bar at private parties or weddings. ...

It’s all under the guise of helping, relieving the guests of that great burden of thinking what they can do for them – by announcing it. Have you ever seen engaged couples going around with these zapping machines in stores? Zap, zap, “We want this, we want that, we want the other thing.” Not because they’re going to buy it but because they’re going to try to get someone else to buy it. The wedding industry started this, but by advising people that it was – and this really annoys me — “proper,” of course it’s highly improper to have all kinds of extras at a wedding that make it wildly expensive. ...

JUDITH: ... The Christmas list, the housewarming list, the graduation list … It is every day. It is people applying the idea that everyone should share the cost of their hospitality that killed the whole idea of hospitality and it’s killed the idea of exchanging presents."

tacky

When my friends move, I usually do give them a housewarming present. I think it's a nice gesture to acknowledge what can be a really big event in their lives. I also think if there's a housewarming party (and it's not a BYOB or potluck event) it would be tacky NOT to give a little housewarming present. But that being said, I definitely wouldn't expect anything following a move and certainly wouldn't register for housewarming gifts. (Part of moving into a bigger place is the necessary cost of furnishing it.) I believe that a housewarming present, if you are inclined to give it, should be small, inexpensive, and most of all, from the heart!

I wrote a post on some housewarming gift ideas a while back on Two Balloons Blue which basically sums up my position...

I agree with the others. Incredibly tacky and narcissistic.

Even in this scenario at hand -- "everyone" has been asking the couple what they want for a housewarming gift -- the POLITE thing to do is decline a gift altogether or do something creative like put a $15 spending cap on gifts or require that all the gifts be handmade.

And also, just because you have chosen not to get married, it does not mean you can just throw any old party and expect to get a bunch of gifts in lieu of a wedding. Save it for the birthday please.

I would only really tolerate wedding registries for the reasons outlined by infomofo above, and Christmas/holiday wish lists from family members.

It does seem that gift giving is expected for everything these days, particularly where weddings are involved. I know of high school students who have graduation registries listing items like laptops, ipods, gaming systems, to be given to them at their graduation party hosted by and paid for by their parents.

For my birthday party last year, my partner spent a lot of money on catering. We expressly told guests no gifts.

It's not that I'm cheap or dislike giving gifts. My favorite gift to give for a housewarming party is a very good bottle of wine, which I advise the recipient to uncork and enjoy after the guests have left his or her home.

I think that when you start registering for something like a housewarming party, the message you could be sending out to guests is the following: since I'm paying a lot of money to entertain you in my home, you should help pay indirectly for the cost.

I understand the practical aspect of registering for gifts in this situation, but it is really tacky. Gifts should not be expected for a new apartment and developing a registry shows an expectation. It's likely that the people who would like to buy them gifts are close friends and family who know the couple and can pick out items that the couple would like.

What if they created a "wish list" on amazon, and made it available to friends who asked. It could serve as a "this is what I will get for myself when I have $xx spare dollars laying around" or as a "registry" as described.

Less presumptious, in my opinion, if it's presented as a list of things that they want for their home and intend to purchase on their own when they can. Sort of reads more like "Hey, I'm willing to spend my own money on this, but if you're looking for something to get me - here you go!" rather than "Bring me presents - here's what I want."

It's a party, right? Two words- bring booze.

Maybe it's just me, but I never really thought of a housewarming as a time for gifts -- except maybe a bottle of wine or something like that. I think it's more a chance to gather friends to toast your new place.

Tacky... well... that might be a bit harsh but presumptuous - definitely! Not everybody puts the same value on a housewarming. I would never think of buying anyone anything more than a bunch of flowers/nice house plant and plate of food or a bottle of wine as a token of appreciation of the host's hospitality more than anything else. To be honest if I was invited to a housewarming and was notified of a registry I'd probably opt not to go. I'm Australian so perhaps we don't even place as much emphasis on this sort of thing?

oh so tacky. I hate gift registries, even for weddings. I'm happy to give a cash gift to a bride and groom to offset all the booze I'll be drinking at their open bar, but the whole signing up for booty thing leaves me cold.

I may consider giving a gift if the couple is really starting out with nothing and/or they have do-gooder non-profit jobs that don't pay much. Otherwise I will donate money to someone who REALLY needs it (Haiti Relief orgs, for example) in their name.

It's sad that all we seem to care about and value these days is having the latest, greatest, hippest stuff.

I think its tacky. Makes it mandatory for people to get you a gift. Gift giving should be done out of the kindness of their own hearts. Its the thought that counts :)

What if they created a "wish list" on amazon, and made it available to friends who asked. It could serve as a "this is what I will get for myself when I have $xx spare dollars laying around" or as a "registry" as described.

Less presumptious, in my opinion, if it's presented as a list of things that they want for their home and intend to purchase on their own when they can. Sort of reads more like "Hey, I'm willing to spend my own money on this, but if you're looking for something to get me - here you go!" rather than "Bring me presents - here's what I want."

The husband and I just bought our 1st home and have done this, I don't think it is tacky. Besides, it serves as the wish list of things we want/need for the major reno that we will eventually buy if someone else doesn't choose to buy for us. And no I don't publicize the "wish registry" - it is both for us to determine what needs to be bought first and for parents/relatives who want to buy a gift.

It is being practical, not greedy.

Everyone has his/her own "friendship culture," so it really depends on the person, the situation, and the friends.

Our friends wouldn't be insulted by the idea of an "optional" gift registry—if they were, they probably wouldn't be our friends.

A true story...

Phone call number one
Me: I'm RSVPing to attend Z's bridal shower. Does she has a registry?
Sister of Z: No, registries are tacky.

Phone call number two
Me: As you know Z has particular tastes and I'm having a hard time finding the right gift. I want to make sure I get Z something she wants. Has she started a registry?
Sister of Z: No, registries are tacky.

Phone call number three
Me: OK, I've thought long and hard and I want to make Z a huge floral arrangement. I'll make it so it's a labor of love.
Sister of Z: That's tacky.
Me: Hmmm, I'm starting to think that word is highly subjective.

All they did was move right? They didn't BUY, graduate or do anything amazing other than pack some boxes. To me it seems that gifts are great for important rights of passage but should we expect something evertime we take a step or blow our nose? Whatever happened to flowers and a bottle of wine? Super TACKY. People need to get over themselves.

I "have" that lamp !!!

Mine is white, not turquoise ;-)

I think it's tacky as well. The average American moves 11.7 times in a lifetime, so with this logic, you'd assume 11.7 gifts. I totally understand giving a gift when someone buys a house/condo/apt, but assuming someone will and directing them what to buy is tacky. If someone wants to buy you something and asks you what you'd find useful, by all means, tell them! :)

If you want to buy a gift, give a gift card... Target, Ross, Amazon, Trader Joes... as someone who recently moved, I can't tell you how helpful gift cards have been!

If you feel it's tacky, bring booze (not food) to the housewarming.

Housewarming aside, if you're invited to someone's home, you should NEVER come empty handed. That's tacky.

Bad form! No gifts should be expected when moving into a new apartment.

I agree with norcal. I have been to "stock the bar parties", where everyone brings a bottle of booze which takes the expense of imbibing the guest. And the homeowner has a well stocked bar for future parties. Buy your own damn sterling silver salad spoons and crystal vases.

think it's tacky, if not I'm planning to move :) need some new junk for the house!!

@mschatelaine--thanks for posting the enlightening & enjoyable miss manners' article. i also agree with her & like her discussion about the inventive ways people find to live above their means--it's out-of-control consumerism & encouraged by our economy.

Tacky.

Ubertacky.

and Luckygarnett--

That sister is tacky.

Tacky, wrong and in poor taste. I'd use bad language at the moment, but keeping this family oriented may I just say, if you make life decisions that you wish to celebrate with friends, throw a party, graciously invite said friends over and expect nothing in return but the warmth of their friendship. That goes for ALL your life decisions, weddings, births, graduations, anniversaries, housewarmings etc.

Just for the record, my friends are neither high income nor likely to ever get married (though they've been together 9 years as was just pointed out to me). In light of those two factors and, actually, not at all because they are moving but, instead, using their move into a marginally larger space (that will actually allow them to have a dining area and an actual bedroom) as OUR excuse to gift them with something beautiful and useful, their friends have harped on them to register and they have been the ones wondering about it.

Abby

I'd have to say completely tacky! Many posters argue that it is somehow practical, but I think this sort of wish list should be reserved for weddings and baby showers, and even that is a little tacky in my mind. If it were me, I would downplay requests for gifts, even if my house was empty. If they are insistent to bring something, housewarming guests could bring a dish or drink to share. It's about warming the house with good memories and fine friends, not stuff.

it's totally tacky and yet, i'm constantly surprised by how often my friends register (or complain that no one has thrown a shower, party, etc. in their honor for their life's latest milestone).
imo, not only is it tacky but encourages laziness and generally winds up supporting big box retail. people sometimes seem to desire a registry list so they don't have to think at all AND want that list to be at some retail chain so all they have to do is click and send or pick something up while they're out buying toilet paper and bandaids.
we even make our birthday parties "no gift, please". it's the coming together and celebrating that's important, not the darn thing.

Definitely tacky, and this whole "gimme gimme gimme" thing going around lately leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. GOD FORBID you don't get exactly what you want when someone gives you a gift!

Where has the grace in this society gone?

I was recently invited to a couple's rental-apartment-warming where I was told on the eVite not only specifically what to bring as a gift, but was also informed that they'd be lighting up their grill for the occasion and while they'd supply some "nibbles," guests should bring meat to throw on the grill if they wanted to eat more.

I think registries for stuff you want (vs. need) are all sorts of rude - they say simultaneously "You should buy me something" and "You are not qualified to pick out things I might like." However, I think a notable exception is when people truly have needs to be fullfiled such as first-baby showers, since it really does take a village, and college graduations/marriages where the registry-makers truly have nothing and need everything. In those cases, the registries still don't need to break anyone's bank.
My husband and I took the advice of... maybe Miss Manners? I can't remember - and wrote "Your presence is your present" on our wedding invites. People still brought presents, but I noticed two things in particular: 1) only people who wanted and were able to bring a present, did, and 2) every present we got was incredibly thoughtful and way cooler than I could have ever come up with on a registry.

I think registering for a housewarming is a little tacky. But in their situation I think it makes sense. Especially since it's what their friends are requesting them to do.

Everyone just needs to keep a "wish list" on amazon.com. You can add things from non-amazon sites as well. And then if someone really wants to get you something for a birthday, Christmas, housewarming or whatever, they can look you up and buy you something. If everyone just did that it would avoid the whole awkwardness and greediness of having to tell people where you're registered. But then you wouldn't get a bunch of crappy gifts.

it's better than having to lie about what you did with a piece of crap someone gave you....

"all of their friends have been pestering them about what they want and need in their new home"

The UN-tacky response is to tell them they only need their friends to warm their house. If they're friends they should be able to figure out some small token to bring if they decide to do so.

Are they buying this one bedroom? If yes, then go for a house warming gift, but I agree with the majority - a registry is TACKY.

Is the one bedroom a rental? If yes, then by no means should they be receiving gifts just for moving into larger square footage!

House warming gifts are usually given when someone purchases a home.

If they don't include the registry on the invite, and only give it to people who ask, then I don't think its tacky at all.

Tacky and rude.

Here's the way it's supposed to work: throwing a party is an act of hospitality and generosity on the part of the host. Unless someone else is throwing the party for you, it's your obligation to provide the food and drink, and to see that everyone has a good time. (Not the other way around.)

No one is ever obligated to bring a gift to a party... not even to a wedding or birthday party. It's a guest's prerogative to bring a gift if he/she wishes. Registering for gifts gives people the impression that you expect presents as a sort of "price of admission" to the party... which is tacky.

That said, many of us were brought up with the adage that you never come to a party empty-handed. But that generally means we arrive with a token gift: a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers, some homemade food. When you register for gifts, you effectively demean those small acts of kindness by saying, "Your prized homemade fudge isn't good enough for me. I want something from the Williams & Sonoma catalog."

If someone wants to buy you a fancier gift, that person should know you well enough to know what you like, want, and need. Putting you on the spot to tell them what you want is just rude.

And for God's sake, don't open all the gifts at the party and display them to your guests. It will only make people feel cheap for not spending as much as others, and perpetuate the attitude that we all need to drop a lot of money on gifts for each other.

If you disagree with any of this, ask yourself if you're prepared to buy a gift every time someone you know moves, gets engaged/married/promoted/pregnant/divorced, starts or ends a job/school, has a baby, a birthday, an anniversary, a major surgery, or a kid with a birthday or preschool graduation. It gets expensive.

And in the end, isn't it better just to enjoy each other's company with a little food and wine?

This is really timely for me since my husband and I just bought a house and am planning a housewarming. I wasn't planning to register but now I have a bunch of relatives asking me to.

I agree with greenbayou -- I wouldn't consider housewarmings to be anywhere near the level of weddings in terms of what kind of gift I would give someone or what kind of gift I would expect to receive. Maybe flowers or an inexpensive bottle of wine, etc. I especially don't want the people who bought me a wedding gift just last year to feel pressured again. Egads!

I think I'll just make a list for the few people that really want it and share it only when asked.

When we moved in, we had a huge empty deck and lots of great light indoors. For our housewarming party, we suggested that guests bring us a plant. It could be a new one, hand-me-down or a cutting from one of their own. It was a big success and now our deck and inside is much more lush. Plus we liked that plants don't necessarily come with an obvious price tag.

All this gift giving has to stop! I can't afford to buy a present for every life changing event my friends and family experience.

i think all forms of gift registry are tacky and have an air of desperation for attention in them. that is why i refuse to give gifts when a registry is presented to me.

sduck has nailed it.

To me it's tacky. Moving to a new place does not merit a gift, let alone getting a registry...

Abby,

You and your friends are very sweet to want to buy gifts for this couple. And you should, if that's what you want to do. It would be a lovely gesture, mostly because it would be unsolicited. But once your friends start registering for gifts, they create an obligation, or expectation. And, yes, that's presumptuous. No one should ever expect gifts, for any occasion. In fact, you don't even say whether this couple is throwing a housewarming party. People are just assuming. It sounds to me like you just want to get them a gift because you know that they're never planning on getting married. So do that. But having them register for gifts, just because they're moving from one apartment to another, would really put them in an awkward, embarrassing position. Mortifying, actually. Like, "We don't believe in weddings, but we like the idea of wedding gifts." I'm sure that's not what it's like, but that's how it might come across to some people.

Throwing yourself a "housewarming" party is what is presumptuous. Because it implies that gifts are expected, which in turn makes guests frantic about what to buy and, thus, creates a perfect platform for telling them what to buy in order to put them out of their misery. Yes, it is tacky. Why not have a dinner party and register for hostess gifts? Or keep a running registry going for whenever you have houseguests? Why should I have to shop a registry for gifts when I go to a party because it is a "housewarming" and not have to do the same thing when someone invites me over for the annual crawfish bowl or pre-St. Paddy's parade kegger?

I think that wedding registries for professional couples who marry in their 30's or beyond and have plenty of money to buy their own silverware is already bordering on the absurd UNLESS the wedding reception is opulent and amazing and a $100 gift seems reasonable in exchange for the experience. But I can assure you, that ain't usually the case.

Well I'm apparently tacky and presumptuous based on what most of you wrote. And I'm okay with that. I also don't think that weddings and babies are the only "worthy" life events.

As a single woman in her 30s who recently bought her first house, I registered. I also ran the idea by my no-BS friends prior to doing it to see what they thought. They encouraged it.

I didn't register for a KitchenAid stand mixer or $150 place settings or shower curtains for each season - I used a generic online wish list and put a few things like gift cards from Home Depot, a 9x13 baking dish, and types of alcohol I like &/or could use at the party. The avg. price was $25 or less and they were things I actually needed. I also stressed that if, and ONLY if, the guest was thinking of bringing something, that they could find ideas at the site.

Would I register again if I get married? If I get married…probably not.

See, alerting everyone that *some guests* will be bringing gifts (which is inherent in the term "housewarming") is a signal to everyone who comes that if you don't come bearing goods you are an asshole. No amount of cautioning that "only buy off my registry if you were already planning to bring a gift" is going to minimize the asshole factor. Aside from letting your little sister off the hook, of course. But for the random person who sits in the next cubicle at work, the words "housewarming" and "registered at" are a 100%, no clarification necessary, thrown-down gauntlet to show up with something, and it better be good.

Gift registries are greedy, regardless of the occasion. I don't care how mainstream they've become, they're in poor taste.

We all know that wedding showers, baby showers and kids' birthday parties are just glorified gift grabs. But now housewarming parties too?

There comes a time in life when you need to stop expecting other people to give you free stuff. I'd say about age eleven.

I think this would be tacky and presumptuous. Also, I don't agree with the suggestion of just letting those guest who ask know about the registry as those who turn up empty handed will feel uncomfortable. Gracious hosting should be about making everyone feel comfortable!

Ridiculous. Tacky. Presumptuous.

To me, housewarming gifts are things like pot plants or a nice bottle of wine, scented candles. These are not items that require a registry. If you are registering for your housewarming, this implies you want (and expect) expensive gifts like appliances, furniture, electronics or artwork...

Not only that, but they have been living together 5 years. They are dual income and already have a (small) house full of stuff.

I think it is generally accepted that once you have moved in together, you're on your own 'accumulating stuff'-wise. Unless you get married, which seems totally unfair I know, but that is why so many couples who live together do honeymoon registries, donations to charities or no gifts at all at their weddings.

Most of all I take issue with this:
'The increased space means they'll need new things ...' No it doesn't. They WANT more stuff.

I think it thoughtful, really, to know that friends are registered somewhere (a few places is even better). In today's busy, busy, world, it's nice to know that I can 1. get them something they will actually use and enjoy and 2. not have to spend an inordinate amount of time, energy and guesswork figuring out what they want, already have, and could really use. Target is one of my favorite places to have people register! Now, I just wish Etsy would add a register to their website!

http://abodewell.blogspot.com

I don't like registries. I've been pressured rather heavily by family to create one (wedding) in the past. And I felt uncomfortable about the whole thing.

I think a housewarming registry is tacky.

Your friends should just express their enthusiasm about having their friends over for their company. If gifts come with those friends, extra. If not, all the better really.

Or have a housewarming potluck, and tell friends to bring something edible. Then it's about enjoying food together in the new space and everyone can feel like they've brought something to contribute.

Urban Girl,

As a single woman in her 30s who recently bought her first house, I registered. I also ran the idea by my no-BS friends prior to doing it to see what they thought. They encouraged it.

I'm sorry to say, but your friends led you astray.

Registering for housewarming gifts, regardless of buying or renting, regardless of future nuptials or no future nuptials, is beyond tacky.

Gift registries of any kind are presumptuous. Kind of like asking for presents. Sorry, but that is rude any way you put it. Miss Manners has a LOT of things to say about gift registries, even wedding registries. She does concede, and I do agree, that registries are helpful when you are going to buy a gift anyway, but still presumptuous.

Seriously who is having house warming parties where they expect people to dish out dough to buy them housewares/lamps/decor/whatever?

Can you imagine inviting someone to a party and then telling them they have to buy you a specific lamp?

How gross.

@ blandostrich
"My husband and I took the advice of... maybe Miss Manners? I can't remember - and wrote "Your presence is your present" on our wedding invites"

that is beautiful, i love it!

we once got the opposite though, an invite to an xmas party by a co-worker that requested "your presence and your presents"

seriously.
no registry though....

"Although they've been living together for 5 years and plan on growing old together, they've no plans to get married and this is a compromise between their beliefs and their friends' wish to celebrate their union in some way."

if their friends wish to celebrate their union, then go for it! why is it okay to register for a wedding and it's tacky to register if you're just choosing to live together forever??

Hey, not only did abodewell side with the tacky, she also tagged on her bog address, which is yet another tact infraction. A two-fer!

blog address

Oh hell no. Most of that shxt will end up in the landfill anyway.

Moving from one rental into a bigger rental requires presents? That's sort of silly.

If they're celebrating a new union, sure, why not?

Pathetic idea. What part of guest don't you understand?

If we have friends who state "your presence is present enough" on an invite we're sure to give them the biggest gift we can afford. On the other hand, if someone we know attaches some over-priced registry to an invite we have been know to find somewhere else to be in protest.

Why would anyone expect gifts at a house-warming? That's disgusting. I recently moved and would be mortified if anyone got me anything more than wine or fruit or flowers. I *wanted* to invite people and I wanted them to come over, not to buy me things.

That being said, I would never go to anyone's house empty-handed but I'd also never ask them what they wanted. If I can't find a bottle of wine or box of cookies they can use, I have no business going to their house.

I'm glad most people here agreed it's a horrible practice. I'd really have lost all my hope in humanity if it had been the opposite.

This is a bit much to ask from friends. They're only changing apartments. If they bought a place, as a friend, I'd bring something over as a housewarming gift, but I would be a bit slighted if they created a registry for a housewarming party.

I find it pretty tacky.

My boyfriend and I had a housewarming at our new 2-bedroom apartment in January, and only a couple people brought gifts other than booze (cinema gift card, delicious olive oil). The gifts were very, very appreciated, but totally unnecessary. The biggest gift was getting to see our friends. If anyone had asked us what to bring, we would said to bring only themselves.

"...their friends have harped on them to register and they have been the ones wondering about it."

Abby, they were right to wonder... perhaps they surmised that those not wishing to give them a gift would feel suddenly required to and those who merely didn't know of the registry would feel embarrassed when they saw the rest of you doing so... No matter how it turns out they are apt to lose friends over it.

Save them the confusion, they are your friends. You know their tastes. If it comes from someone who loves them, they will love it.

true story... my cousin (who i'm not all that close with) had a birthday party for her 1-year old and I and another guest bought the same outfit. She actually came up to me after and asked me to return it and get something else!!! I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say, so i said sure.

Needless to say, one of my new-mom friends was the (grateful) recipient of a cute baby dress... and i try not to have much contact with said cousin anymore.

I felt a bit like asking for all the gifts I had given her for her bridal shower, wedding and baby shower back!!!

Tacky. Narcissistic. Rude.

While this horse is down and lifeless, I feel compelled to continue beating it. It's tacky, presumptious, and whether or not they are being urged to do so, not what a "housewarming" is all about. Housewarmings are a time for the hosts to show off their new digs, welcome their friends, and just spend some time together. As most of us were taught, I don't go to someone's house empty handed, but I'm certainly not coming to a housewarming with an artfully-wrapped household appliance or piece of home decor. I'll probably bring along a bottle of wine, and if it's opened during the party, I'll also probably be consuming the majority of it. If it's not a party where alcohol is freely flowing, flowers seem to do the trick.

However, abby, you're saying that this is also a time to honor and celebrate the lifelong commitment your friends have made to each other. That's fine. It's not a housewarming then. It's still not something I would feel comfortable registering for, or probably even purchasing off a registry for (I'd probably make a quilt or something similar), but it's still very different in my mind.

Here is an idea-

Dear friends I am moving please help me in my moving venture. I am registering for moving boxes, handy man to fill the holes I made in the walls, cleaning service packing tape, boxes and moving van. or just send money to my paypal account.

Really if I was expected to buy a gift for every friend that has moved I would be broke. .

I have in the past brought a beautiful cheese plate, bottle of wine, flowers, made a cd, or something personal and lovely if I was in the mood to a friend's housewarming. Thankfully, my friends would never, ever expect something.

My biggest pet peeve is when couples register at really expensive places for really elaborate china, crystal or any super expensive items when they are living on a shoe string and most of their friends are as well. I mean for peat sakes you are living in a 800.00 studio and you expect china from Tiffany & Co? That was a long time ago and i only recently experienced this from my friend's niece.

It doesn't sound like they are expecting gifts, but that several people have been asking and they want to figure out what to do.

I think that as long as it's being done because a ton of people have been asking and they want to make their loved ones lives easier, it's fine. If it's being done because they want gifts.... not so fine. Different practices (such as registries) can be appropriate (or inappropriate) to different social groups. It's all about making people comfortable, and if a registry will do that, then great. But if they are worried about being tacky it might be better to just suggest broad categories to people who ask (such as "we're doing our kitchen in red and white," or "we're excited to finally have a patio so we can do container gardening!" or somesuch).

Maybe it's the sense of entitlement that's bugging me. I'm with Miss Manners on this one. If you want it or need it, then buy it yourself. If you can't afford it, don't put it on your list, and then expect someone else to buy it for you!!! Plus, these registries take all the fun out of gift giving. I LOVE to pick out gifts. Hopefully I know my friends well enough to pick out something they'll really like. And if not, they can return it. Hey, it's the thought that counts. Why would I want someone to tell me what to buy? And when the shoe is on the other foot, when I'm on the receiving end, I HATE when people ask me what I want. You don't have to buy me anything!!! If I really want it, I'll buy it for myself. A gift is something that should come from YOUR heart, not mine. That's what makes it so special. That's what makes it A GIFT. And this whole business about Abby's friends missing out on wedding gifts.... I'm not buying that. You're not even "entitled" to a gift just because you're getting married. People either give you gifts because they're guests at your wedding, or because they're trying to help you start your life together, but the bottom line is, they're doing it because they want to, not because they're obligated. In Abby's example, these people have already been together FOR FIVE YEARS! They've been living together!!!! So fine, buy them something cute for their apartment, but don't make this about something that it's not. It's not a pretend wedding! (I would be horrified if I walked into your home with a bottle of wine, only to find out that you were expecting A PLACE SETTING!!!)

I know, I started out so civil on this issue. But every time I come back to it, and read some of the responses, I get more and more irritated.

Recently my boyfriend and I moved from a tiny 1 bedroom into a huge 2 bedroom. Our guest room is still empty and half of our living room. We are also one of those couples who won't be getting married, so will never reap the benefits of a wedding registry (after going broke on a wedding).

I think the idea of a move in registry is nice, as long as it's not for each and every single move. Since friends are asking as it is, it'd be nice to ensure double gifts aren't bought. For those arguing that it assumes a price range, most registries I've bought from ranged anywhere from $5.00 - $500.00. I was always able to find something on it that suited my income.

For those saying they want to buy them what they think they'll like. That's fine a dandy. You don't have to follow a registry. But I sometimes buy two gifts, splitting my goal spending amount in half, one from the registry and one I just thought the person would enjoy.

Like someone suggested, perhaps they register and only tell those who ask. All others who would be slighted by such a small thing most likely wouldn't think to ask about one.

No one has the right to tell us what we may or may not give them as a gift. The well brought up person receives gifts with at least a pretense of surprise and joy, not with one eye on a checklist of acceptability.

We are supposed to be friends and guests, not resources to be exploited for homewares.

The fact that the very idea of a housewarming registry even occured to these people suggests that you've all been living in LA for too long. Get out while you still have souls!

moving = bottle o'wine or plant or food.
marriage = gift card or use of registry if lazy and can't figure out a gift on one's own.

no exceptions!

chinese style gift that is a red envelope full of cash is always welcome. buy red envelopes at a chinese shop and it's perfect for any occasion gift! it's even better than gift cards :D

I know they're only moving into a one-bedroom, but it may not be celebrating the move as much as celebrating the fact they have bought a place together?

When we got married we told friends and family that in lieu of a gift we'd appreciate a cash donation, which we sent to an orphanage in SE Asia.

When we moved into out first home that we bought, people bought us gifts to the housewarming, as we do with our friends. They knew our style and our favourite stores, and every gift was lovely and hugely appreciated. If in doubt, we get a gift voucher to a homewares store.

A registry isn't a demand, it's a suggestion "these are the things I like" - when it comes to gifts nothing is worse than giving an unappreciated gift (that then lives in the bottom of the linen clost), and nothing is worse than receiving something horrible and feeling guilty about not liking it.
Better to know what will please the recipients than buying what YOU like and imposing YOUR taste (which they may think is truly ghastly) on them. A housewarming/marriage/baby shower is about celebrating their acheivements - not your personal agenda.

On another note, this post has really got me riled because I can't believe how many AT readers appear to show up at events empty handed? You take a gift, even a bunch of flowers from your garden, or a bottle of wine from the cupboard, to say thank you for their hospitality.
Already my kids and I bake cookies, biscuits etc that they take to sleepovers to thank parents. I think it is one of the rudest things, showing up at someone's house empty-handed, where they are going out of their way to entertain you.

Geez, everyone is going to town on this. I really don't think gift registries are tacky at all. As many have stated, its a practical way to avoid getting 300 chip'n'dips. I disagree with using them as a means to get lots of gifts, however. But a wedding? A nice wedding for a good friend or family member? You should get/make/assemble something kind for them, they are paying for your nice dinner and enjoyment.

House warmings are tricky. Thank god I haven't asked for gifts for all the times I've moved recently or I'd have no friends. In your situation, if you have friends who don't believe in marriage but are basically making a large commitment to each other I REALLY think some type of celebratory gift is required. Even if times are tight and you make a nice card, buy flowers, offer to help plant their garden. I wouldn't attend a housewarming by a fickle friend or someone who obviously wants gifts...they probably don't deserve the care and energy you'd put into a gift.

I really enjoy making/giving gifts so maybe that explains my stance. *Shrugs* I just don't see how this is tacky at all.

Abby, what you should all do is find out what kind of dining table or chairs they really want and all club together to get it for them (or, say, one chair) depending on what you can afford. But forget the registry PLEASE! It is an awful idea

Interesting comments. We (and two other couples in my 'group') had decided not to register for our weddings, because of all the above concerns. We all gave in eventually, because we were all begged by family and friends.

However, what we all did: we went around registering only for the items we were planning to buy on our own. None of us used the life event as an excuse to redecorate or to ask for items that were totally out of our price range.

Wealthier family and friends shopped off the registry and gave us things like the fancy waffle iron and the art.

I don't mind the registry that is short and affordable FOR YOU- the items you are planning on yourself. I do mind the 27-page baby registry that takes your child through preschool, asking for stuff "I like but would never buy for myself". I also like the Amazon gift list- it's a neat way for me to send something to a friend who might be further away than I can drive to see. But again- please, stuff that you'll buy yourself. Unless you are a famous blogger and need a way to let your fans send fancy items.

honestly, i dont see anything wrong with making a gift registry for a housewarming. although, i would never direct friends or family to the list unless they asked if there was something they could get us for the new place... i dont see how it is that much different from keeping a wish list on amazon.

Tacky AND presumptuous.

If I was invited to a housewarming and presented with a registration list, I would definitely NOT show up.

i'm with the notion that its fine to create a wish list, not a registry, on your fave homestore site (s) and if someone asksi would say that you created a wish list for your future purchases on x sites if they want to check them out they can.

When I moved into my first apartment, it was a thrill to go shopping, thrifting and trash picking to decorate my new place. Plus I had the satisfaction of doing it all on my own, creating my own vision. Having people go out and buy it all for you takes away from that joy.

How is it any more presumptuous or rude than registering for a baby shower?

Traditionally, the wedding registry had a very specific purpose. The wedding registry let people know what a young married couple would need to literally "start" a life together. Years ago, couples didn't live together before marriage. Quite often, they went straight to their new home from their parents' house! Of course a registry was useful and appropriate in that situation.

That's a little different from a housewarming registry for two people who have been living together for five years. This is a great example of how a concept can really get warped over time.

When we moved into our first house our friends kept asking what we wanted/needed as well. We responded with "just your company." When some kept insisting we told them to consider a donation to Habitat for Humanity. That way someone else gets to enjoy and share a new home as well.

I think it's kind of tacky, but I know a gay couple who did this for their housewarming party. I thought that was a great idea because in their state, they're not allowed to get married. That said, no one bought anything for them off their registry!

Patrick, first of all, you don't (usually) throw a baby shower for yourself. Someone throws it for you. It's a gift giving celebration to help a new mom (or dad) get started. The party host usually asks that the expectant parent create a list to simplify things for the guests. Many people have no idea what a new baby might need. (I, by the way, have never been to a baby shower. So I'm only guessing.)

A housewarming, on the other hand, isn't necessarily a gift giving occasion. It's a celebration, with good friends, welcoming them to your new home. Friends show up with anything from a tray of cookies to a bottle of wine to a fondue set! There are no expectations, nor should there be. A registry, however, says, "This is more than just a friendly get together. Either buy me a gift, or don't bother coming."

baby and bridal showers, and this, seem icky to me.

I get the pre-registry, older concept of the community "supporting" the new couple, often helping to build house and barn and contributing handmade household items, as did the couple for themselves as well.

I think registering for something like this is crossing housewarming into new territory. Reminds me of tipping. Tipping used to be for restaurants, hair salons, etc.
Now EVERYONE has a tip jar. My drycleaner has a tip jar. I mean... seriously? So does the convenience store around the corner- and no, it's not a deli, and you can't even order a coffee there. So I'm supposed to tip on a can of diet coke that I retrieved from the cooler?

Reminds me also of these acquaintance/friends that were getting married a few years ago. They had a huuuuuuuuge engagement extravaganza, and registered for gifts. Then she had a wedding shower...=gifts. Then they each had a stag/stagette, which was fine. Then they had a joint "jack and jill" stag, for which they asked for "donations". Fine. FINALLY, they had the wedding, for which they had another registry. These were friends' of my ex, whom I didn't really know, and we were fairly broke, barely post-student, as were many of their guests and friends. It was unbelievable...

Housewarming=bottle of booze/food/flowers/token gift. Exceptions can be for 1st degree relatives and friends, with whom one is very close, ie: my best friends' new patio is calling out for a propane heater, which is what they'll be getting for a Christmas/belated housewarming gift.

Why is it acceptable to help a "new mom and dad " get started with their creation of a family, but not necessarily a couple making a new home?

So I guess we the childless (by choice or legislation) just miss out on a round of gifts, but we're expected to pony up for every pregnancy?

I'm with Carrie Bradshaw on this topic.
I'm registering at Tom Ford for my next birthday.

(Sidenote: I agree "not everytime someone moves" but perhaps First Home, or after someone builds a dream home... I don't find it tacky. And as mentioned, a Registry or Wish List is a suggestion, not an edict.)

Patrick, I'm with you on the birthday party thing totally. I wish that it wasn't seen as "tacky" to request things in particular when there is an event where people are likely to bring you gifts. I dislike gifts that aren't useful, but I can't figure out any way to communicate that to people who're coming to my birthday in a few months (who're likely to bring me things that will sit on the shelf and require dusting).

Tacky

Put a philanthropic spin on it... for every item from your registry purchased, provide the same or similar item to Habitat for Humanity or local shelters... win, win.

A couple of years ago, my now-husband and I decided we wanted new dishes. We set up a "special event registry" on Crate and Barrel because it was the easiest way to keep track of what we had, and what we still wanted to buy. My parents specifically asked if we would keep that list - and our wedding registry - active because it makes shopping much easier for them, not only because they know what we want/need, but also because they can buy those things when they go on sale or when they have a coupon, rather than right before the special event.

I guess I feel like - if someone asks for gift suggestions, it's not rude or tacky to give them some options. It is, however, rude AND tacky to expect gifts for every occasion. Honestly, I'd rather be surprised by a spontaneous and thoughtful gift than have something off a list that I specified - but I think that's just the way people shop anymore.

Beyond tacky. If I was invited to a housewarming and told of a registry I: wouldn't go, or would get them my usual gift of a bottle of wine.

I am tired of the sense of entitlement. I feel like I'm constantly buying gifts for engagements, showers, stag/stagettes, weddings, baby showers, christenings, first birthdays, 40th birthdays, etc.

*sigh*

Definitely tacky. Registries are for baby showers and weddings, that's it.

I've been to TONS of housewarmings, none had a registry. Overwhelmingly, people bring a bottle of wine (or other booze), maybe a houseplant or some brownies they made, etc. or (very commonly) nothing at all.

My bf and I just had our housewarming this past weekend and genuinely did not expect gifts. Of the ~15 guests who came, we received a bottle of wine, 2 houseplants and some cookies - all of which we genuinely appreciated.

The purpose of a housewarming is to 'christen' the new place with the presence of loved ones, begin the formation of happy memories there - not to stock your frigging cabinets with stuff.

Registries and showers can always run the risk of being tacky if not done right. But usually people genuinely want to get gifts for their loved ones to celebrate a life change or accomplishment, and want to make sure it's exactly what that loved one wants.

I live in a city where a lot of people get married much later in life, but a lot of my friends have bought their first homes in their singlehood. We've started to throw housewarming parties and encouraged them to have registries so that their success in homebuying could be celebrated as well. They have all gone to countless weddings, engagement parties and baby showers and spent a lot of money in the way of travel and gifts for such events. If a person chooses (or doesn't choose) to remain a single, does that mean they don't get to benefit from having their friends celebrate something in his/her life that is just as life changing or accomplishing? Frankly I was relieved when we started doing these, because our society has a history of celebrating making your way out of singledom....but customs should also be created to celebrate those accomplishments we've also done on our own.

A new home is worth celebrating, definitely. But since when does 'celebrating' mean mandatory gift-giving?

I *like* knowing what my friends want for presents. Registering for something means that I don't have to worry about getting them something they'll like. I'm all for it.

I'm with patrick (the other one)! It is for this reason exactly that I recently decided to opt out of all baby showers. Not only are they painful and generally alcohol-free (eek!), but I'm not having children and don't think I should be stuck buying a continued rotation of registry gifts. Everyone will get a nice children's book. Done.

Why not *CALL* the couple and ask if they have a pressing need for something in particular? Maybe they need that new toaster... Otherwise, what better present than some nice wine/booze and/or spiffy cheese and crackers: an insta-party?
Commemorating your new dwelling with a fun gathering of good friends is far more memorable than receiving boxes of stuff just to fill your extra space. But then, I hate registries.

RIDICULOUS...whats next, registering for Bithday Parties?

Tacky

Two things - first off I have to go with tacky on this one. Sorry guys, but the most basic etiquette and manners guides state that any indication of an expectation of gifts is by definition presumptuous and therefore rude. If asked what they need they should be sincere and gracious about the offer, but not indicate an expectation of gifts. (And it pains me to say this because the idea of building a registry sound like SO much fun).

But what's really REALLY tacky is the SEO spammer tool box that posed all those links to a website about watches. Whoever ttn2010 is needs to take a flying leap. Get a real job spammer!

Yes, tacky.

It was their choice to move to a larger apartment, so it is their responsibility to furnish it (or not). Word of the registry will get out, even if they only intend to provide it to people who ask, and then people will feel obligated to provide a gift. It is called a house warming party-- warming as in bringing people together to add emotional warmth to the home-- not a 'fill my house with stuff' party.

Having a registry is like asking for gifts. One should never ask for a gift. I don't think wedding registries are really appropriate anymore. Most couples have either been living together or living on their own for a while before marrying, therefore they should already have the essentials-- anything more is pretty much greed. it is a relic from times when people were living on their own for the first time and needed help instantly setting up a household (and when a matching set of fine china was a must).

"Mostly though, I believe that people should register for every holiday and avoid the whole awkwardness of giving gifts that disappoint the expectations of either the giver or the receiver."

I'm sorry, but I find that sentiment sad and rather awful. A gift really should be about the thought behind it-- following a registry is like handing them a wad of cash. Perhaps more importantly, a receiver of a gift should never be disappointed, but grateful (hence that 'gift horse' saying) and there should not be any expectations to fail to meet-- one should never, ever expect a gift.

We should all strive to rediscover the joy of giving a gift, when we truly want to and personally feel it warranted. We need to abandon this burden of obligation, the awkwardness of giving without heart.

Amen, foodafafa, and beautifully put.

Considering everyone's arguments on the comments above, I still think it's tacky. If their is an inquest from a guest, then they should be taken care of individually and if you don't have the time to talk to them then they probably weren't that good of a friend of yours and you two weren't even that in touch with each other.

It is a societal custom to not show up empty handed. If it is custom for the host to receive a gift, why is the next logical step for the host to request a gift?

It's not "wrong" to show up without a gift. I wouldn't bother showing up to any invitation if I lost the host's respect b/c of no gift... the gift is done on the gift giver's own accord! If you can't figure out what to bring, stop being lazy and ask around for ideas or ask the host.

We did not throw a housewarming, b/c we really couldn't afford all the guests... but I never thought of it as a missed gift opportunity. HAH!

I find it far more presumptuous to assume everyone drinks alcohol, which seems some kind of standard here.

FJ: If you're attending a housewarming party, surely you know the host well enough to know whether or not they drink alcohol. Most people do drink alcohol, that's why it's such a popular/practical item to bring to a housewarming.

But for those who don't drink, one could bring a nice infused olive oil/balsamic vinegar set, a higher end sparkling cider (made by a local grower, for example), a fruit basket, other food, or of course the ubiquitous houseplant.

@asked you first, this is not about asking for a gift. This is about letting people know that IF they would like to bring a gift and IF they don't know what to get, HERE's a list of things that the host likes. I would like to know that my gift is actually going to be useful or enjoyed by the host as well as welcomed for the thought behind it. I hate having to guess what people want.

I think it's tacky, too.

I think the nicest idea ever for a housewarming party is to help the resident start some traditions for their new place.

With my friends, it tends to revolve around photos. One friend takes a polaroid of every new guest to his house, has them write a message on it with sharpie and then adds it to a clothesline display in the long entrance hallway. It's so fab! So many smiley faces on it and the notes are great to read, even if you don't know everyone.

Another friend did some really high quality mug shots (I know it sounds funny but they were honestly awesome) of his friends to hang as a focal point in the living room.

When we got married, my husband and I had just moved overseas into our VERY tiny little house. As a wedding gift, our friends chipped in and helped us buy the IKEA loveseat we'd been looking at. As a housewarming event, we had each of them sit on the sofa and smile pretty! I will probably hang them above the sofa itself.

But isn't that so much sweeter than getting a cheese grater? Homes should be about people, not stuff.

I don't think it's tacky as long as it is stuff you TRULY need...you don't need a cheese grater, but you may need a set of knives. If you want a housewarming gift from me (you only get one once), better ask for what you truly need and want and be specific.

I don't get into housewarming unless a person can't fulfill the basics of what they need in an apartment that isn't already there - a place to sit, a place to sleep, a place to dine, and possibly a place to work. All that in all honesty could be done with a sleeper sofa and a coffee table. But I'm also in the category that doesn't dual purpose quite that much.

tacky.

Housewarmings are regular events in my circle, on level with dinners and cocktail parties. It's a faux pas not to bring a gift (a bottle of wine, something edible or the sort) for the host and hostess as a thank you for the effort made, but registry? Good grief, no no!

The only occasion when I've had a registry was my wedding. Now I do keep a list of different types of items which over a long time span have popped into my mind - that wonderful book I'm coveting, the smaller frying pan that would make my cooking experience a bit smoother or the ticket to that concert - and if someone asks me what they might give me I can refer to it; figure it's better to hit spot on. Wouldn't dream of bringing it up other than upon request though.

Tacky.

Not tacky at all, seeing that the situation is as given by amy. your friends WANT to know what they can give you to make you happy. what's tackier, a surprise lamp or ten, neither of which you like, or ten tea towels you love, each given by a different friend?

some people think, if it isn't a surprise, then it isn't a good present. why?

Am I the only one who has been invited to a bridal shower that had a registry, and not been invited to the wedding? I thought that was rude, but no one else has mentioned that here.

I don't think it is tacky. As someone who is single there are not many moment in your life were people actually give gifts. Especially if you never get married and have kids. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the "I would have gotton you a gift but I have kids and I can't afford it" These same people expect gifts for their kids on every occasion. So no it is not tacky

Think about all the money you will spend on wedding gift, engagement gifts, Kids Gifts and what if you never get married and have kids

I don't think this is "tacky" at all - the whole idea of what's tacky & tasteful is ridiculous anyway - BUT the whole purpose behind wedding registries is to get the couple all the things they'll need to start their lives together. This tradition was born in a time where people did not live together before they got married - so it made sense to get them household gifts ! Now-a-days more and more people live together before they marry, or just choose to live together and not marry at all - does that make their need for household items any less important ?? of course not ! And how much better is it to know what they need rather than guessing !?! Naturally, if a couple chooses to do this ..and then chooses to marry, it would be silly to have ANOTHER registry for gifts - but perhaps a registry for a Honeymoon is more appropriate. I see a Housewarming Registry no different from a Bridal registry &/or Wedding registry.

Super tacky!!! I had never heard of such until a friend of mine recently sent me a facebook invite to a housewarming party. I opened up the invite to see "We are registered at..." ...registered? For gifts!? I myself can barely afford my own rent, let alone a house. If you can afford a house, then you can afford the things to put in it. Creating a housewarming party and then requiring people bring you gifts is rude...registry or not. Needless to say, I will not be attending and could care-less. And when no one shows up, I'm sure she will know why.

It is tacky. If you think otherwise you are cheap or tacky or both.

Registering for a housewarming gift, especially for an apartment, is LOW RENT.

Showing up without one, even something as simple as a card, a flower, a bottle of wine, is TACKY.

Just because your guests may be tacky doesn't mean you should be as well.

And for those of you that still think it isn't and want to reply a comment - just go clip your coupons. Registering is presumptious. AND TACKY.