The link to MyRegistry is not correct...but the real address is http://www.myregistry.com

My best friend just used Honey Fund (on my recommendation actually!) for her wedding and it was a huge hit. They didn't need any more "stuff" but couldn't afford their dream honeymoon, so it was a perfect fit. The guests thought it was quirky, fun, and a great way to help them off on the right foot in their marriage. The bride and groom plan to take pictures of themselves doing the activities (like seeing Platform 9 3/4 in London) to send to guests as thank yous.

P L E A S E do not register for honeymoon activities and expect others to pay whilst you romp exotic beaches. Sounds nice, but sorry, it's gauche. If you can't afford to do it by yourselves, wait and save together, and it will be more special.

Also, young brides, please do not fill your kitchen with fab and expensive gadgets that YOU WILL NEVER USE. My brother and his wife have already sold off about 1/3 of the swanky stuff - like marble cheese boards - to make room for practical things on the counter - like baby bottles and plastic containers for lunch.

**Unless you have a glam - or gourmet cooking - lifestyle, do not register aspirationally: you'll be left with piles of clutter that you'll need precious closet space for.

Older and more conservative types had registries. They've been around for a long time, even as far back as 1950, when my parents got married.

What's changed is what people are registering for. The "older and more conservative" folk still see a registry/wedding gifts as helping to set up home for the new couple. China, glass ware, cooking utensils, that sort of thing. Playstations and plasma TVs and, yes, honeymoon payments are what cause the raised eyebrows.

And registries are suggestions. Couples who get upset at guests who give gifts that weren't on the registry are missing the point--the registery is a suggested list of gifts that the couple would like to receive. It is not an order form. You can't require your guests to provide a gift only of your choosing.

Besides, getting that lumpy ceramic purple vase from Aunt Matilda will provide years of stories down the line.

@smurfberry, I don't really get your reasoning. Why are vacation activities only meaningful if you pay for them yourself? If accepting cash is totally acceptable (check the fourth link for Emily Post's seal of approval), then why is it suddenly tacky when applied toward a honeymoon?

If you don't like what a couple is registered for you can always give cash. Don't be the one who decides what they should spend their money on, what they can afford, or what they should and should not do when it comes to their own wedding like SMURFBERRY! Talk about gauche!

Or if you want to be supermodern... buck the trend, stop fueling the Wedding Industrial Complex, forgo registries altogether, and see what comes your way :)

@indiedarlingish, I am happy to give cash, or gift cards, or movie passes, or restaurant vouchers to those who don't need stuff. I'm just not supportive of a custom which now asks guests to pay for couples' extravagant plans - and since Emily Post has been invoked, I now invoke Miss Manners. ; )

Scamper off and gladly spend my cash - but I'm not personally paying toward your night in an Irish castle. Sorry - it may be a generational thing.

I really dislike honeymoon registries or house-payment registries or any other registry that basically seems like the couple is asking for money. Giving money is acceptable, receiving a gift of money is acceptable, but asking for money is not. Part of it, to me, is that it seems like the couple is saying "I'm getting married - I deserve presents!" because they are straying from the traditional gifts but, rather than simply say "we aren't registering because we really have everything we need, and your presence at the wedding would be more than enough of a gift" they are asking you to substitute some other sort of gift (basically, cash). Here's an analogy: every Christmas, my dear great-aunt-Ethel gives me a horrendous sweater and a fruitcake. Now, if I really wanted to, I could say "Aunt Ethel, I really appreciate all the sweaters you've given me in the past, but since I get one every year I now have so many I can't possibly use another one. Let's make things easy and just enjoy each other's company this year and not worry about gifts." But I could never say "I really don't need another sweater, but I would love $50." Asking for cash instead of a traditional gift is still asking for cash and it is in poor taste.

We didn't register when we got married a million years ago and it was a bit of a problem. We didn't really care if people gave gifts or not, we were just happy to have them at the wedding. What we hadn't considered, though, was that many guests wanted to be able to order gifts that would then be delivered to our home address (wedding was in our hometown, we lived across the country and the guests were coming from all over NA and Europe).

The other thing that happened was that we got stuck with some massive customs charges for gifts mailed from other countries. Any of those items could have been ordered through a local department store and saved our friends the shipping costs and us the duties. We should have registered, at least as an option for some friends/family. That said, registries should be seen as a suggestion. I've certainly appreciated them for weddings where I don't really know the couple (my spouse's co-workers, for example).

The thing I don't like about the whole cash is tacky, honeymoon registry is tacky, non-traditional, but physical gifts (like camping gear) is tacky, posting a registry so you don't get 20 blenders is tacky, etc etc pronouncements, is that it casts a selfish and judgemental pall over the guest who makes these declarations all while casting the couple as selfish and greedy and expecting gifts from their guests. The thing is in American society if you go to a wedding you are expected to bring a gift, (and I don't mean that the couple expects you to bring a gift, I mean that the guest expects that they have to bring a gift lest other guests feel they are cheap or whatever or they themselves feel they're breaking some sort of unwritten rule of weddings.) so much so that even when the couple explicitly states that they do not what gifts or that you should donate to charity rather than giving gifts, people still bring gifts. I find it kind of tacky to impose one's own feelings about what is tacky or appropriate on a couple or on other guests. I think the appropriate etiquette ought to be that you choose to give a gift or not give a gift based on what one finds to be an appropriate gift, rather than ascribing someone's desire to be helpful to guests who might have different feelings about what's appropriate, or who have a desire for any gifts that happen to be given to not be next season's goodwill donation and thus a waste of the guest's money as an expectation of gifts or greed. Isn't that how all these people end up with a bunch of faddy kitchen gadgets they never use? Because the registerers are all afraid that they'll be considered tacky if they didn't stick with traditional registries and gifts, but they already had all the practical stuff they needed?

I recently got engaged, so I've been thinking alot about what's acceptable for a registry lately, mainly because my fiance and I have been together for a long time, and don't really need anything for a house. I started by checking to see if registering for camping gear could be considered housewares to set up for our home away from home. By the end of my wedding gift and registry google-thon it became clear that no matter what you do it is in poor taste or rude. Yup, tacky to tell people what they might get you if they wanted to get you something that you would use; rude not to give people lists and hints about what you would use; not cool to say you don't want gifts since you know everyone is going to get you gifts; guache to suggest if a guest insists on giving a giift it be in cash or gift cards because people like to give physical items. You can't win. In the end I think we're going to have a registry of some trade up kitchen items for those whose sense of wedding mores dictates they have to give a kitchen/china/house related gift; one of camping gear for those who like to give a physical gift of something we enjoy, and aren't already all-set on, but aren't hung up on wedding gifts being for non'hobbies' only, and a honeymoon related registry (I'm still working this out as ideally I'd kind of like to say 'here's where we're going on honeymoon, make a suggestion of something to do' and we'd get back 'Go get dinner from this taco truck, here's $15 to do it.' rather than our tickets will be $ can you help pay them off, which is less cool anyway. I like adventure.) And the registry info page of our wedding website will include that we don't expect anything but your presence, but if feel you need to give a gift we've registered at a few tradtional and non-tradtional places.'

My attitude is that if I want to come to your wedding, I probably want to give you a gift. Because I like you and am happy for you.

Wedding registries are meant to provide guidance to people who share that attitude, not to demand gifts from you. If you feel like a couple is being presumptuous and demanding by providing a convenient list of things they would like, maybe you just don't like them enough to be attending their wedding in the first place?

I also think it seems kind of dowdy and crotchety to complain about what someone else has registered for. If they don't need or want a stand mixer and monogrammed towels but would appreciate help taking the trip of their dreams, who am I to judge if they graciously point me in that direction?

I think registries are outdated considering so many couples live together before getting married i.e. they don't need to set up a new home. A lot of 'international' couples (getting married to a different nationality or in a different country) can't lug around presents, plus they deal with cultural differences towards gift giving. We waited for people to ask what we wanted, then told them that we're saving for a handmade silk carpet and they could contribute towards that. We bought it last year and it's the most beautiful (and expensive) thing in our home, something we could never otherwise afford and will have for the rest of our lives.

I used to manage the bridal registry at a well-known department store chain, so I've interacted with every type of bride you could imagine and every behavior from modest mouse to brazen bridezilla. I've seen the registry from the perspective of the bridal couple, the people paying for the wedding, the relatives, non-related guests, and even non-invitees who wish to give a gift (yes, there are such people).

Some observations I've made:
-Guests expect a registry. And if the requests on the registry have all been taken, shoppers are usually unhappy. So don't be shy about asking for more than you think you will/should get.
-Register for gifts in a wide variety of price ranges. Some people will overspend and others can't afford an expensive gift, yet want to please you. People also use the registry for showers and engagement parties.
-My firm allowed couples to chose items all over the store so our customers could register for things like sports equipment, electronics, even cell phones. Older shoppers were taken by surprise, but after the initial reaction they mostly just laughed.
-Brides, do not allow mothers and grannies to dictate what you register for. If you are unlikely to use fine china, etc., don't be coerced to register for it. Let the sales associate take the "helper" aside and argue your case. You are not alone in your tastes.
-Brides, get your grooms involved. You don't have to do a registry all in one day so you can bring the groom in some Friday evening when the store is quiet. I've never met a groom who didn't get into it once he realized he could pick barware, luggage, patio stuff, electronics, etc. They want to like the gifts, too.
-Online registries are ubiquitous for their convenience. But don't ignore the department store; it is cost-effective to you — and their registries are also online. Most have a plan giving the bridal couple generous discounts if they purchase from their own registry up to a year after the wedding. And most department stores are nationwide chains so if your wedding is in Phoenix, your aunt in Pittsburgh will be able to see your choices in a store there.

First let me say to @ bonjourmiette, if you invite me to your wedding, I will show up, gift in hand, and it will be something you will enjoy & treasure for years to come, be it a fancy kitchen applicance or the coolest tent you ever could dream of *grin*. Furthermore, I would be willing to sacrifice to buy you something out of my budget range BECAUSE you are the only one here who seems to have actually thought this through & considered all the angles. It's easy for us all to say what we would or wouldn't do in a given situation but your are IN that situation at present. And I admire your wisdom.

That out of the way, I personally find the whole registry and/or cash suggestion business distasteful (and stick me in the old-fogey/conservative category of you will - contrary to popular belief, some things are just...well...proper!) Weddings are INTIMATE. A wedding invitation from a casual aquaintence or spouse's co-worker WILL result in a *Regrets* rsvp and no gift. Period. And I flat out refuse to be bullied into feeling guilty about it by today's society. Bleh!

On the other hand...IF I am intimate enough with you to be given the HONOR of a wedding invitation, I will go to extreme lengths to to give a gift that keeps on giving. I have been known to [initially] skip the wedding gift altogether (and to heck with what others think!) and ask the newlyweds AFTER THE FACT, 'What do you still need/want that is not currently within your means?' Call me old-fashioned, conservatove. gauche if you will but I will tell you this...the only response I have ever received is gratitude & tears. Any gift I give is truly a gift. It is not an obligation imposed on me by others. A 'gift' with strings attached (personal expectations) is no gift at all.

.

This is why I give cash :)

Bravo, @bonjourmiette. Your post is spot-on.

I was invited to three weddings this year, all good friends. Couple 1 had a gift registry, I bought them a lovely glass jug from the registry, which ended up breaking before they even opened it (so did the other person who got the same). So, after advising the new wife on her first baking experience, and realising she had no measuring cups, I got her a very basic set of those. She can still use the money from the jug for something else, but I wanted to give her something from me.

Couple 2 also had a registry (but stated cash also welcome), but my "special gift" was given at the kitchen tea. It's kinda funny though, she must have gotten at least 3 chopping boards at the kitchen tea.

Couple 3 asked (very tongue-in-cheek) for money for their honeymoon, since hubby is a chef, with all the bells and whistles, and all other household items. It was a bit weird, putting cash in the card, but I'd rather give them what they ask for.

How are they tricky? I remember them well at the town jewelers in the 1960s where the local brides would list their silver & china patterns. The jeweler had display dinner tables where a setting was laid out as if ready for a meal, with the "girl's" name on a folded white card. My pre-teen friends and I thought it was fun to go into the shop and ogle the stuff.

Having never been married myself, I envy the registry. I had to buy my own china, silverware, pots & pans, food processor, etc etc etc with my own hard earned dough. NOW I use Amazon Wish List and my family comes thru at Christmas!!
;-))

I find the whole wedding experience in the US facinating. Where I live, weddings are become more and more rare, and most couples who do get married are usually in their 30s and already have a house, kids, etc. gifts are not mandatory, nor even expected.

I got married a few weeks ago, and used MyRegistry (we're Canadian so I ended up setting up a Kinek account to save people from having to pay crazy shipping/customs fees), and it was perfect.

We initially weren't going to have a registry, as we're fairly young and the first of our friends to get married, and didn't want to pressure our friends (most of whom are just a few years out of university) with getting us gifts - but we had so many people asking about it, particularly from our older guests, that we did one anyway.

People still mostly gave cash gifts, but I think it can be nice to put together a registry just in case people want to be more traditional, and if they want to go 'off-book,' they have a good idea of your style (e.g. getting you a set of vintage tea cups they find second-hand, because your registry is very ecelectic, etc.)

I'm getting married next year and we recently did our registry. I moved into the fiance's house he's had since college, and use most of the plates/utensils he's had since then as well (going on 12 years old a lot of this stuff).. I honestly appreciate having a house and baking equipment to use, but REALLY want I'd like is NEW. Things that we received together as a newly married couple that we can use for years and years that are OURS. We cannot afford a stand mixer or food processor on our own at this moment, but I keep a list of recipes I'd like to try that use those particular appliances for once we receive them. It FEELS like we're over-registering for things, but if I were a guest, I would appreciate a little direction. If people would rather give us money, they will be financially helping with our honeymoon, or expenses that come up after the wedding, and that is greatly appreciated as well.

As a guest at weddings, I appreciate registries because though we might be friends, one doesn't always know what that couple might secretly be pining for or NEED in their house that they don't offhandedly mention to you.

Even though we're already registered 3 places, I'm definitely going to check out MyRegistry, because unique serving dishes and good baking equipment and good cutting boards ARE NOT dept stores strong suits!!! (Why is everything "Martha Stewart" brand? She creeps me out.) We might change everything to one site instead! hooray.

So my friends have just started getting married, and we've all been living with SOs for a while (long enough to get enough 'stuff') and we live in city without a lot of storage availability/ we all move a good amount and we're all in the semi-broke grad student bracket. No one had registries, instead, alot of our friends politely asked for cash. The problem with cash, is that our budget is kinda tight and I feel bad giving less than $100 but a gift for $50 can be rather nice. So, instead we've been going off book (since there aren't any registries to begin with) trying to find that one "thing" that our friends didn't know they needed for a house that already has all of the things one could ever want.

In the end, I'm actually spending more time thinking about these gifts than I would have otherwise. Which is kinda funny if you think about it.

These days people get married at so many different phases of life - 24 and starting out or 35 and have everything - I think its best to understand not everyone is in the same place in their lives when they walk down the isle.

When my husband and I got married we were leaving to live in Argentina for a year 4 weeks after the wedding. We didn't want to have to store tons of gifts after selling more than half our belongings. But we did realize it was a chance to start the collections; china, silver, stemware, that we probably would have a hard time starting on our own. So that's all we registered for and some guests got us things off the registry, others gave money and some very fashionable aunts went off registry and gave us some amazingly beautiful things (but they know me well and our style). I also knew I was the person who would use the fancy table settings but not everyone will.

What a great list. Wish I had known about some of these in this past year!

I got married last Autumn and my wife and I had fun with our wedding registries and we only registered for things we truly wanted or felt we needed. We ended up with lots of bathroom rugs that we use and rotate and lots of great kitchen tools I couldn't afford and now love (my Cuisinart instantly comes to mind.) Unfortunately we also have china that we've yet to use, odd cutting boards that seemed like a good idea but weren't the bee's knees

My wife's favorite wedding gift that wasn't on the registry is a bowl that her friend gave her that is now on display in our cabinet. My favorite was a soap dispenser that looks like a duck. :)

I get annoyed when wedding invites include the registry information. If I know you well enough I'll either ask you, ask the mother of the bride or ask someone else close to the family. Also, don't put in your fancy invite that you want cash. That just screams tacky!

I got married a year ago and had two registries...one at a box store for traditional folks, and we also used Honeyfund for those that wanted to contribute cash. Honeyfund was super cool because you can pick out things on your vacation, so someone can choose to pay for a dinner or an excursion, they aren't just saying "here's 20 bucks," but "I'd like to treat you two to dinner on your holiday."

If you attend the wedding and reception, where the bride and groom are typically expected to spend lots of money feeding and entertaining you, I don't see how it's tacky to let your friends and family know your honeymoon plans and if they would like to contribute, make it super easy for them through one of these sites.

Not a lot of our friends and family contributed to our Honeyfund, but we had a very small wedding and I wasn't expecting a lot. It's a great site, though, and I personally would much rather give towards someone's memories than to add more crap to their next garage sale.

I will say what i find offensive, though. I went to a wedding last year for a couple who had been living together for at least 15 years. Yay, I'm happy they finally tied the knot!!!!

What was offensive was their wedding registry - they registered at two of the most expensive stores in town and their registry was 15 pages long and all top dollar stuff! Even the sales clerk was like "Wow, that's the longest registry we've ever seen." Like, really, you need a set of specialized crystal pudding cups with special little crystal spoons, and you need not one but THREE sets of them? I felt like I was helping start up some kind of catering business for them.

THAT is offensive.

I ronically I found out online that a daughter of some friends that I have seen for 35 years was getting married. She and her fiancee had registered with travelersjoy.com. I bought them one of the Lonely Planet guidebooks they had requested and at the same time was able to reconnect with her parents.

I am so surprised at what some people think about gift registries - oh and the harsh comments too! I found my friend's baby registry on thankyouregistry.com super helpful because I had zero knowledge about baby products. Personally, I really think gift registries are great guides if you intend to shop for a gift that newlyweds or a new mother will appreciate and will be able to use. Besides, you are not really required to buy from the gift list... it's just there as a guide.