apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Bars over windows!

Well, all of the above, except formica countertops. As long as they're an inoffensive color they're fine with me.

We bought a house with them. They're beige and therefore completely inoffensive. Unimaginative, though.

No laundry facilities, no tub, no oven were what broke the deal for me at one place. And, yes, bars on the windows, pests and dreadful carpets.

If a smoker used to occupy the unit and it still smells like they still live there.. it's a deal breaker.

MUST have an open kitchen. I have learned to deal w/ bad carpet.

I thought that no carpets at all was an absolute deal-breaker for me, but after being forced (for lack of time) to take my current apartment that has a low pile, relatively new grey carpet in the bedroom only, I am almost embarrassed to say that I am falling in love with it. I thought my parents were old farts when they said it would make the room cozy, but it does. I think it helps that I keep it clean (thanks, roomba) and that there is a lot of light (another req.) and that the color matches the theme of my space.

Actually, in some instances I feel better with bars on the windows...

But I'm a poor early-mid twenty something living in San Francisco and coming from LA so that might just be me.

Having lived through it, never again a place in an alley where the garbage truck goes through at the crack of dawn. This same fyne apartmente had some sort of "pest of the month" thing also - in order: fleas, bees (a hive in the stovepipe), roaches, mice, mold, ants, mice again, and to put the crowning touch on, gangsters lined up against the wall outside where cops were arresting them.

I need windows in every room. But the biggest deal breaker I faced was a painted sink. The porcelain sink had about three layers of white acrylic paint inside the kitchen sink. I still can't wrap my mind around it.

Must take pets, wood floors (sorry, yes), gas stove, near the train/bus, and not owned by a giant rental company are my must-have five. I've miraculously got all these now, so I'm pretty much going to live there forever.

I hate formica, but the idea of it's being a deal breaker overwhelms me.

Bugs or beasties of any kind is usually my one and only deal breaker. Although after my recent experiences, I would add construction going on next door.

It's a deal breaker for me if there are too many units in the building. I like to have a relationship with my actual landlord and not some no name management company. It makes me feel that if there were ever some sort of financial crisis (god forbid) that I could sweet talk him and make special arrangements. I haven't had the opportunity to test that theory yet though, thank goodness.

Oh, and I can't even give a place a second chance if the hot water heater isn't locked up in a closet or otherwise hidden from view.

Bathroom right next to kitchen. It's tough to get around that in certain NYC apt, but just isn't for me.

Oh, Lily. It is so obvious you don't live in New York.

Deal breaker:
Landlord that is sub human and has a history of harrassing tenants. Not a bad idea to do a background check on someone that has so much control over your life.

Personality. The place must have some meager bit of inherent personality. Beyond that, there's not much that I demand. I think that I've lived with formica countertops in every place I've lived in my entire life, so that's obviously not a problem for me. Lots of bugs would be a problem, I guess, but you're not really going to know about them until you've already moved in.

I've never lived in a place without a balcony. I don't think I could do the apartment thing if I didn't have one!

Agree with PaintChip: bars over windows = scary area. Unsafe area or bad vibes is my number one no-go.

Also:
Cockroaches
Ground floor or near the entrance
Crowded, overpopulated area
Too far from work
No pets
No onsite laundry facilities or assigned parking
Too noisy

You would hate to live in my current apartment - it has no windows at all in the kitchen or bathroom. And it has carpeting and ugly cabinets. I would really prefer more windows, but the rest I can live with. I keep learning for the next apartment.

Formica is a deal breaker? Get real.

That brown carpet-encased tub is a deal-breaker!! :)

Actually, I ask about neighbors and noise too (we're talking apts here, obviously, not houses). The apartment can be stunning but if you have partying frat boys or what have you, that's most certainly a deal breaker....I do like to sleep every night. Call me crazy! Easy to decorate an apartment - hard to get neighbors to change their habits.

p.s. wonderful learning experience: living next to an elderly person in SF who was hard of hearing and left the tv blaring ALL NIGHT LONG (fell asleep to it). They couldn't even hear my knocking to ask to turn it down. That was a great situation. NOT!

two-prong, too few, or poorly placed outlets. tiny stall shower. a landlord who asks you to meet him in the parking lot of a shopping center instead of at the actual apartment.

- Gas stove
- Tub
- 6 units or less in building
- Laundry (at least shared coin-op)
- Not on a busy car street or next to a bus stop.
- Not next to a restaurant (I had an apt on Valencia above a restaurant - the garbage service came EVERY DAY at 5am. Earplugs did not help)
- Wood floors. Carpet gives me the heebies.

Dingy bathroom. Dingy kitchen. Small closets. Odors. Poor curb appeal

After lack of security/general seediness of an area, the dealbreakers are noise and lack of light: The apt in Providence RI where I lived for ~ 10 years had wonderful floors, lots of light and in a neat area, but was constructed in 1929, before everyone had radios/TVs etc with good amplifiers. It had paper-thin walls that permitted one to be enjoy all of the neighbors' activities. Mostly it was tolerable, but the final straw was the advent of a neighbor who insisted on cranking up his country music station at 2 am when he got home.

I agree w/ the others about Formica - That's about the most ridiculous "deal breaker" I've ever heard of!

Can't imagine a landlord upgrading any place under $3000/month here in SF with Granite or Marble countertops just to have an ignorant tenant destroy it with Lemons or Grape Juice...

My basic needs are:
Readily accessible private outdoor space - whether it's a balcony, a garden or a terrace.
Walkable & safe neighborhood, close to public transit and local shops including a grocery store.
Some sort of view: Almost anything other than staring at a brick wall or parking lot.
Dishwasher.
Laundry - Either on-site or in-unit.
Character.
Bright & airy rooms with big windows.
Sufficient closet space and available on-site storage facilities.

I can deal with bad carpet, paint and cabinets - Even if the Landlord says "Don't", I do anyway and they always end up liking what I've done.

no roaches
laundry
near public transportation
not in a basement (too cold, damp, and buggy)

and, I never thought I'd have to say this, but a stove. I saw a 1-br apartment last month with a sink, fridge, microwave, AC, huge bathroom, but no stove/oven. You gotta wonder what was going through their heads when they designed that one...

What kind of site has this turned to where formica counter tops aren't good enough? I mean, what the hell?

i couldn't do a basement apt...i require lots of light to be happy!!

i'd also prefer to not have any crackheads in the building...but in nyc, that's asking a lot!

No more basement apartments, frat boy neighbors on the four-party system, or decaying bits in the bathroom.

I would have to be very desperate, or the apartment would have to be otherwise perfect, to forgo laundry facilities.

Must fit a full-sized bed in one room and the guinea pig cage in another, for they are loud.

A landlord who speaks English well, since I am not remotely bilingual and have enough troubles communicating assertively with people, and will not camp in the basement.

Other than that I just go by instinct - the worst places I've lived "felt wrong" right off the bat but I ignored it for various reasons. Could be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but still.

Only a few things and these are all because I have a small, older dog:

- Must take pets;
- Be on the ground floor; and
- Have a patio.

Also, a dealbreaker now that we've got it at our complex: on-site recycling! Unfortunately, this is only required for complexes with more than 100 units in San Diego...

The apt.:
CANNOT be on first floor, or next to the entrance

CANNOT have (a) loud upstairs neighbor(s) (have not yet found such a perfect place)

MUST allow cats

Needs a substantial amount of outlets

CANNOT be a basement apartment

Must have decent windows



Pretty much my list. Which is sad, because there is a lot more I would request if I knew I could find it in Milwaukee!!!

not enough windows!

I used to live in an apartment that had NO kitchen sink. Now that was hell. I can live without an oven, without a microwave, but no sink? never again. I used to have to wash my dishes in my bathroom (which was down the hall from my apartment). I did however manage to have the cleanest bathroom sink because of how paranoid I was.

That would be a deal breaker for me.

Hmmm... where I live a first floor/garden level apartment WITHOUT bars on the windows is practically a dealbreaker. And I don't mean my neighborhood - I think it's almost de rigeur for city living. I say this as someone who has had 3 break-ins in various buildings I've lived in (in different neighborhoods!) as well as a peeping tom.

I also agree with everyone who said you've got a pretty short list of potential places to rent if you rule out on the basis of formica.

For me, the only real dealbreaker is if the apartment, building, or neighborhood has a bleak/depressing vibe. I feel like my home sets my whole outlook on life and if I don't feel excited to come home I'm just not in a good place, mentally or otherwise.

My most recent apartment search included a requirement of laundry in-unit because we're expecting a baby soon but I realize that is a luxury/non-dealbreaker for most people.

My deal breakers:
- no windows
- no yard or patio
- gross bathroom/kitchen
- heavy smokers on premises
- carpeting
- lack of storage, cabinets, pantry
- rooms too small to have a queen size bed in

Generally agree with the list above, but I think a bathroom without a window isn't such a big deal, as long as it has a good ventilator. Are formica counters the same as laminate? I don't mind laminate as it comes in lots of colors/textures and is next to nothing to replace.

must have:
public transportation close by
windows!!! i already work in an environment with no windows or fresh air at all
laundromat nearby - the closest one to me is 5 blocks. grr
tile or wood floors - no more wall to wall carpets for me thanks. yuck
(still can't believe that formica countertops were considered a dealbreaker...maybe if i were in a higher tax bracket though i'd reconsider)

Deal Breakers:
Bad carpet
Not enough windows
In the basement or first floor
No bathrub
No views of any sort (if you have windows but they all look into lightwells, that's not really much of an improvement).
Non-centrally located (I can't deal with 'outskirts' or suburbs).

No bathTUB that is!

Deal-breakers:

- Considerable distance from public transit (not so much of a problem in SF);

- Small-time landlords. Maybe I've had really bad luck, but all the individual owner-operated places I've lived at have had landlords who were slightly to seriously unbalanced. The corporate-run buildings may lack some soul, but they also lack some crazy -- and things actually get repaired when they break.

- Children. No, I don't hate them, and families have to live somewhere in this obscenely priced city. But I've lived in apartment buildings where there have been children, who are bored out of their minds and have nothing better to do. I'd rather deal with a caterwauling drunk on the sidewalk.

No Pets Policy
wall to wall carpeting (ick!)
not close to public transportation

No windows in the bathroom or kitchen? Good lord, you SO don't live in New York.

My basic deal-breakers are too-small kitchens (in other words, it must have a full-size fridge), carpeted rather than hardwood floors (one of the few great things about apartments in NYC is the ubiquity of hardwood floors), and just plain dirty.

Hee hee...of COURSE you don't live in NYC - given this is the SF part of the site. :-P

Silly me.

Also, your deal-breakers evolve with your circumstances. My must-haves used to include wood floors, gas stove and windows in kitchen and bath. After I got pregnant with twins I gave up all those things for higher security, indoor parking, and in-unit laundry. At least I got Pergo in the living/dining/kitchen areas! Plus, an amazing view (which I never deemed important) does make up for some other things. Two that will never change, though, are a decent bathtub and a pet-friendly policy.

I wish I had bars on my windows. That way I could sleep with windows open.

While everything is negotiable, I like having:
- natural light
- hardwood floors
- solid interior doors
- a bedroom door that isn't directly off the living room
- gas range
- outdoor space
- in the city
- Metro, Metro, Metro

I'm currently in the process of looking for a place to rent.

My dealbreakers

-No pets policy
-No balcony or private outdoor area
-Wall to wall carpet (I can't stand carpet, I love hardwood)
-No bathtub
-No washer/dryer inside the apt
-Near railroad tracks
-Stairs to get to the apt (I'm currently on the 4th floor and no elevator, ugh)
-Near a college (I currently feel like I live in a college dorm, never again!)

Wow. You guys forgot "must not have a pea under the cushy pile of mattresses."

-an actual bedroom separated from the living area
-near public transportation
-bathtub
-everything else I can work with (even formica countertops and having the backdoor located in a very small bathroom off the kitchen)

Deal-breakers for me:

- Kitchen or bathroom waaaaaay too small.
- Doesn't allow pets. Or lets you have them, but makes you pay "pet rent" on top of a deposit (I'm okay with just the deposit), or insists that cats be declawed.
- Not enough storage/closets.
- No on-site laundry (might look past this if there's a laundromat within walking distance).
- Mold or grime that can't be cleaned up.

If having deal-breakers makes me a princess with a pea under her mattress, then so be it. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a list of things you don't want to deal with. Obviously I try to be reasonable considering what I can afford to spend, and consider each place on a case-by-case basis.

I can’t do carpet (unless it’s unusual circumstances) island kitchens from the early 80’s (the one’s that look out into the living room), vertical blinds, drop ceilings, sliding windows (maybe not a total deal breaker – but for sure not a favorite), ceiling fans (especially the big gold and brown one’s) – if it matches the ceiling and the ceilings are high OK. Oh! I almost forgot – fiber board paneling (the real deal is pretty nice- but I NEVER see it).

I’ve moved a lot and have never had to lower my standards. Ever. It takes me time to find a place but if in my price range (which isn’t a lot) I just call and ask- does the place have carpet? Ceiling fans? vertical blinds? …etc. It might be annoying, but I don’t want to waste my time looking at a place that I won’t like. I don’t really waste other’s time either this way.

Thankfully there is craigslist…so many pictures of “for rent” these days- cuts out a ton of the hunting for unfulfilling spaces.

Location, location, location... The neighborhood is most important to me.

That said, if you want to live in Manhattan and you only have a middle class income, you tend to have much different (read lower) standards. I looked at more than a dozen apartments before finding my place. I scored on location, and my place has tons of character (it is 135 years old), but I gave up on square footage (275) and niceties like laundry in the building (thank God for drop-off), a kitchen larger than 42" x 42". You'll sleep within a few feet of your fridge, have tilting floors, a leaky (non-working but pretty) fireplace, have the occasional random bug wander in through the gaps along the windows, and a whole host of other minor inconveniences.... But oh the neighborhood.... Thats the pay-off that makes all the rest seem trivial...

roaches or mice that are out of control. a bathroom that looks dirty even when it's clean.

I am also blown away by the no-formica countertop mention. I would love to have marble in our kitchen, but since I don't plan on staying here for life, it makes no sense to have the fanciest countertops in the neighborhood.

My worst apartment suffered a fire (not from me) but I would live there again (for a limited piece of time) not to have gone through it. There was no sink in the bathroom. The kitchen was actually kind of large, had a nice pantry shelf and a frost-free freezer. The other rooms were broken up by a wall that seemed to have been installed later, leaving one room with no outlets at all. I had one window to the outside of the building (toward a parking lot, which saved my life*) and 3 to some column of nothing. Not a courtyard or an alley, it was like the building was a square and the sun could come in down the middle. I was promised the 3rd floor apartment (of 4 stories) with the nice wood trim, but that was reneged at the last minute, and I got the disgustingly painted 2nd floor apartment, which was not only uglier, but thus darker. This is why landlords don't want you to express yourself. Some people do not have skill or taste in this area. The latex paint on the floor had to be the worst, I mean there were matches painted into it. The black trim in the kitchen, the primary colors everywhere else... The only closet wasn't deep enough for hangers, everything was on hooks. The laundry room took a long time to be created; when I moved in it wasn't there, and it took about a year to be completed, and hardly taken advantage of before being ultimately destroyed. It used to be some creepy basement/alley between buildings, well I said it was a square but the plan probably looked like 2 Ls in the form of a rectangle.

Anyway, forward in time to the fire. Weak or wimpy-sounding smoke alarms are a dealbreaker. No fire escape or 2nd exit is a dealbreaker. Not only due to roaches which were too huge to mention until the very end, but, living above a restaurant or restaurant supplier is a dealbreaker. Gas is hazard!

*The parking lot attendant saved me and my neighbor, who I'd never met, but arrived in my apartment through my kitchen window via some "fire escape to nowhere" built in that center core of non-building. The attendant flew from his booth on my screams for help, hopped a giant blockade fence and climbed up the fire escape of the adjacent building. Even though I was only on the 2nd floor, I kinda had to pull an Indiana Jones maneuver to get to the ground. My cats survived, but I was lucky in that my L of the building was not burned, but only heavily smoke and water damaged, not to mention looted. The parking lot attendant seems to have disappeared into the night, or more probably went back to his booth and we forgot to thank him profusely.

I have no problem with formica countertops. I won't move in a place that smells like mouse poo or in the basement. I once looked at a place that not only reeked of animal piss, the ceiling was sloped in the bathroom so as not to shower upright. I have grown used to lots of closet space and laundry without having to go outside. I don't like to inherit someone else's carpet things, like stains or fleas or whatever embeds itself into upholstery in general. I look for surfaces that can be sanitized and halls and stairs that are well lit and spaciously conducive to the process of moving.

you picky picky people! (i kid) I am apartment hunting right now and let me tell you... My first list of rqequierments was that it must have 1 bedroom, a parking spot, near bus stops and grocers, must take pets and cant be in too huge a building.... NOW i only have two requirements: it must have a private bathroom and more than a hotplate and mini fridge. All this for under 825... Seemingly impossible in los angeles.

wow ktg - that is an amazing story... that apt situation sucks!!!!! hope i never have to go thru anything like that.

i found out a couple of weeks ago that the house where i grew up went on fire. the family who owns it now survived however they did lose their dog. i can't imagine what it's like to all of a sudden lose the roof over your head, most or all of your wordly possessions (especially treasures that cannot be replaced) and to be lucky to come out of it in one piece.
i live in a basement apartment and yes that has its drawbacks but i love it all the same. i especially feel lucky after reading these comments. i guess it all depends on what you're willing to live with and what to part with.

Geez, I actually prefer formica to, say, granite (ugly and comically aspirational). I'm looking for a new apartment now in Chicago--the "douchebag factor" in Lincoln Park has become intolerable--and I cringe when I see a listing for a vintage building that proudly boasts of a "gut rehab" because I know it probably means that anything charming or interesting about the place has been sucked out and replaced with the "Home Depot Special": granite, dark 42" cabinets, slate in the bathroom. Yuck. Give me something old and a little different.

In reality, most of the dealbreakers that I have can be pushed aside by the sheer dumb awesomeness of a place. Two-bedroom unit in a beautiful old three flat with sun porch and balcony and original woodwork/layout and walk-in pantry, up the street from a cool coffee shop, but no parking? I can always rent a garage. Some things I don't like, though: electric range, too close to the el/too far from the el, open floor plans, not enough light.

One bad thing that's new since the last time I was apartment hunting: renting from a strapped condo owner struggling to make his/her mortgage. You can recognize the type by the sweaty upper lip and haunted eyes. Overpaying to rent a place that may go into foreclosure or short sale is the ultimate dealbreaker for me. Also, an HOA composed of a dozen or so absentee landlords is a recipe for decay and disrepair.

The thousands and thousands of old apartment buildings that stupidly "went condo" over the past several years will eventually find their way back to single ownership, but it may take decades. Until then, beware.

I'm not sure how you can manage to find an apartment with windows in EVERY room. I have a corner unit and I'm still missing windows in my bathroom.

I live in Minneapolis, where we have some really BEAUTIFUL historic apartment buildings with original woodwork, clawfoot tubs, and old-world charm. One time, my boyfriend and I fell in LOVE with one of these such places, but the deal-breaker for us was that there was no refrigerator in the kitchen! It was so old that the kitchen was too tiny to hold a refrigerator, so it was in another room! And there was hardly any counter-space too, I suppose... But the refrigerator in another room was a deal-breaker for us!

We love kitchens.

What kind of creature would cover a tub with carpet???
Yikes!!
Carpeting is always a problem with apartment rentals.
I don't know why landlords insist on carpeting units .
I know if there is a wood floor it can require extra attention, but I am hoping that in light of health issues being pushed to the forefront these days it will make property management think twice about the pro's and con's of wall to wall carpeting.

Otherwise, smells are definitely an issue when considering a place.

Counting the plaster replacements is another ,squishey bathroom floors , insects ( which unfortunately are not usually noticed until moving in)

Electrical issues are very important.

Sometimes hard to spot when veiwing a place,but that is a big deal for me.

No pet's,plants and decorating limitations are another.

Dealbreakers (in LA):

-Cockroaches
-No air conditioning (and none allowed)
-Too many units
-Indoor-Outdoor carpet
-Bars on windows
-Parking issues, including tandem
-In Koreatown
-OH OH! And if the sewage pipes frequently erupt into the kitchen and bathroom sinks! I guess this is more of a general "Absolutely NO circa 1920's 'renovated' buildings." "Completely remodeled," ok. "Renovated," no.

I've just described my current apartment--live & learn, lease is up in two months and counting, yee-haw!!

I once put down a deposit on an apartment that had "[so and so] is the landlord from hell" painted on the closet door.While waiting for the apartment to be "redone" I learned that the landlord had recently been arrested for hiring someone to kill his soon to be exwife. All this was unsettleing but the deal breaker was that they had cut and patched the new carpet allover to save money. That was 15years or so ago and now after having 11 people over every day for a week in my one bedroom - no bathroom exhaust is definitely a dealbreaker. I have tile countertops and while they are cute they dont seem sanitary to me.

My bathroom doesn't have a window. I've never really thought about that before. Actually, I don't think either of the bathrooms in my last apartment had a window either. Actually, when I want to take a bath, I usually make a production of it and bathe by candlelight. It would be rather inconvenient in the summer evenings to have the sun ruining my ambiance.

I'm looking for a new place this summer, to save some $ by moving in with a friend and I think our biggest deal breaker is that the place has to be within 5 blocks of a direct bus route to the university. Location is everything!

No Formica countertops? Wow!

Pest would be the #1 deal breaker for me.

Carpet in the bathroom is always a deal breaker. Ick!

I agree with SFGail. It doesn't matter how great the apt is if the landlord is from hell. I had a beautiful space for a couple of years, and a nice landlord. Then he sold it to a slum lord who made it very impossible to live (and sleep and work and feel safe and and and).

-An electric stove. I tend to cook at too high a heat and need a stove I can cool down right away.

-Lack of light. I looked at an apartment once that was lovely, but had one window, which faced a brick wall in a garage. I had to pass.

-I generally skip on carpets if I can be choosey.

-Lack of closets. I really, really need closet space.

-Out of the way neighborhoods. I don't drive so I need to be within a 5 minute bike ride from a store. I prefer to be walking distance from some kind of 24 public transit and the public transit needs to get me to and from anything I go to regularly (work, school, ect.) without a lot of trouble or waiting during rush hour.

I like apartment hunting and I try to give myself a month or more to find something so I can afford to be really picky.

I agree with Mitchell D about the granite counter tops. I hate when everyone thinks they have to *upgrade* to this, I walk in and see the typical granite counter tops, stainless steal appliances and am immediately turned off. It is so generic and boring. I love walking into an old place and still seeing all of the character.

I don't mind the laminate counter tops as long as they are not trying to make it look like a faux of something. My current apartment has laminate counter tops with the pattern of the salt and pepper stone granite. Tres tacky.

Last summer I moved into my first apartment (a fairly large studio in an old rowhome in Baltimore city) and here's my list for when I can afford to move:

- Plastic shower stalls... they exist, my apartment is proof
- There must be outlets in the bathroom and more than one in the kitchen
- Manager or landlord on site is a must, it's a pain to wait for someone to drive over during rush hour when you don't have heat in the middle of January
- Holes under radiators!
- Basement or first floor apartments because of pests (thankfully I didn't find this out personally)
- Pests in general, I'm never renting a place that has roach motels all over the place (thankfully no roaches though)
- Uneven floors
- Huge wall cracks

OMG, I just can't comment because I'm still gagging over that brown shag monster covering the tub in the photo, like an alien invasion.

I'd have to carry a gun whenever I needed to go into the bathroom. Gawd knows what parallel universe is lurking in that ugly monstrosity.

I one called about a place that said I could have cats but I had to get them declawed. Not that the place had carpets (which is a big one on my list) I never went to see the place

Wow, some of yous are PICKY!! I guess it depends on where you live. Can't afford to be that picky in NYC, that's for sho'. You see something that's 'ok' that you can afford? You grab it.

I would say a dealbreaker for me would be an unsafe building/area. And bacon smell. In my first apartment here, the bacon smell coming from the deli below in the mornings was so strong that it didn't just smell like bacon when I woke up - the smell actually woke me up. Good times... :)

You guys are nuts. Real issues are layout, light, noise, pollution. Everything else is just decoration.

There are a lot of comments like the one about about "Oh, so picky!" The thing is, decoration and asthetics is important to people who have the time to look for what they want and the money to be picky. Some people don't have the time or money, and they make do.

Both are equally OK.

in my childhood home my mother put that color carpet in one of the bathrooms. hehehehehehe

It's near impossible to rent a place without bad carpet where I live [Phoenix], so I've learned to overlook that for now...my instant deal breaker is bugs though.

Three rentals ago I lived in a place with an...interesting [for lack of better words] series of events.

1. Downstairs neighbors broken into, disappeared, never to be seen again. We found their place door open, completely destroyed.

2. Scary next door neighbor isn't seen for awhile; cops come to my door telling me to call them immediately if he's seen. He comes back that day, I call, and five cops come to arrest this one guy.

3. Vanilla Ice look-a-like murdered in complex.

Fun stuff. Needless to say, I moved out soon after.

I think my only real deal-breakers would be bugs/pests, and an apartment that's too high up (nothing higher than the 3rd floor, certainly). I'm terrified of heights, and have small kids - one of which who has already knocked a screen out of the window). So heights are a big no.

I wish I could say the following were a deal-breaker...but I stuck it out like a champ in this place for a year:

1) No screens in the windows. And then, when a squirrel entered my bedroom and a screen was requested, my landlord put chicken wire in the lower half of the window and instructed me to "only open the window half-way."
2) A window in the bathroom, in the tub, facing an alleyway and a building full of windows. I put a privacy thingy in my tub window, but could still see people from the other building showering, from my bedroom window.
3) No control over the heat. So when some jackass wanders down to the basement and plays with the furnace we're either left in a sauna, or left sleeping in our hats and mittens for several days, until the landlord returns from his condo in Florida to fix the mess.
4) A landlord who demands post-dated checks, and then cashes the checks up to a week early, before your work check has cleared, so the rent check bounces and you're left with NSF fees and poor credit. Awesome.
5) Purple trim, crooked floors, fun-house style walls, and a single closet about the size of a fridge.
6) Cupboards that don't open because they're blocked by the massive radiator. Very poorly designed kitchen. A stove with 1 working element, and a fridge freezer so iced up that a single frozen dinner can slip into the gap.
7) A toilet that sits crooked, so you nearly slip off everytime you go for a pee.
8) Zero overhead lights. I had to go on a huge lamp shopping spree. I had a freaking lamp in my tiny kitchen, which was ridiculous.

I could keep going, but I won't. Because I moved far far far away from there years ago, and consider it my standard of terrible. Anything (even formica countertops) is glamour in comparison to THAT cesspool.

I think you get used to a lot of these things in Manhattan...

I BOUGHT a 650 sq ft 1BR duplex apt with * no air conditioning (I now have a window unit) * no independent control over heat *basement bedroom with one very small window (currently occupied by one very small air conditioner) * limited light from rear-facing living room windows that face another building * bars on the LR windows (when I bought it, anyhow) * no windows in kitchen or bathrooms *one 2" wide closet in bedroom and *no tub. the bathrooms are small enough that sitting sidesaddle on the toilets is probably necessary for some people. We're exceedingly uptight about keeping the apt clean but the occasional pest (ants, other bugs, spiders, the occasional mouse) does wander in - I can't imagine living in a really old apartment building and avoiding it.

But it's an adorable, great apartment in a lot of other respects - exposed brick, built-in bookshelves, pretty (shared) garden, gorgeous historical block, nearby amenities, big (if dark) bedroom.... you just learn to deal in prewar city buildings. (My building is actually pre-Civil War, which explains some of the shortcomings.) We've made it work with two adults, a baby and a dog for some time now.

Even after all these comments I can still add one thing:

Lino throughout: much, much worse than carpet. Carpet I can shampoo repeatedly. Lino's just grubby.

Lousy layout -- the bachelor with massive kitchen fixtures in the middle of the space, forcing one to essentially live in a kitchen. The one-bedroom with a closet so big there's no space for a bed. The unit with both bath and kitchen built into the only outer wall, eliminating all natural light.

Someone needs to have thought about the structure of the space: you need a place to sit, a place to cook/eat, a place to work and a place to sleep, and you can fit all those into 350 sq ft if you think about it.

Otherwise, yes: cat-friendly, natural light, and a good neighborhood are the essentials.

I don't mind windowless kitchens and baths, but there needs to be light in the main room.

Carpet I can deal with. Tiny kitchens without counterspace I cannot. My last place had about 6 inches of counter between the sink and the microwave and that's being generous. It made even heating food a pain, and cooking nearly impossible. Boo to that.

1st floor apartments on the street side of busy streets or in front of bus stops are a no go for me, because I like to sleep. 1920s buildings scare me for the drainage issues mentioned above, though I love them aesthetically.

Water pressure! I turn on the shower wherever I look. I like to feel like I can actually rinse the soap from my hair.

No Formica! Please.

We didn't even have it when I was a kid, and then my first apartment had a porcealan sink-drainboard combo. No other counterspace. The place I'm in now had it as well (one unit in the building still does; the tenant declined reno when she moved from another unit so that the rent would be less).

I now have "woodgrain" Formica with enough room for a drainboard and am lucky to have it! I had to ask and ask to get that porcealan thing gone. I lugged in another discarded unit from down the hall to get a second cabinet.

If I moved, they'd "upgrade" to a kitchen like the other, turned-over apartments have -- one that would be workable!

I can't deal with carpet because I have rather severe dust allergies, and dust mite just love wall-to-wall. But fortunately cheap places in the Boston area with wooden floors are easy to come by. I've never had anything but Formica, and don't expect to until I can afford to buy a house someday (probably ten years from now). It's never bothered me, even though obviously there are nicer materials.
But I've learned from experience never to accept the following:
1) an apartment with NO outdoor access. A balcony, a fire escape, a small porch or a yard - I need someplace to sit outside.
2) a place without laundry in the building. I am thirty-six years old, and I am done with laundromats.
3) an apartment under the eaves. Oh, to have a little attic hideaway, so romantic - forget it! Hot, hot, so terribly hot.

And I've never lived with it, but I've visited it and and I can't stand
4) an open floor plan. Give me walls, doors, differentiated spaces. I don't want to hear, see or smell the living room while I'm in the kitchen or vice versa.

i would think windows in the kitchens and bathroom can be a lot to ask for in an apt building. from my experience they're often nested on the inner side of the apt.

guess that's just me?

but i absolutely have to have a lot of natural light somehow.

We like our laminate countertops. People who spend over 1K on countertops are either really rich or foolish or both.

A place previously inhabited by CATS is a definite deal breaker for me.

amazed no one's mentioned the toilet paper holder mounted somehow on the carpet-covered tub...

Also, it's interesting to see the differences in expectations that are, I assume, regional. In the Boston area, cheap apartments (and expensive renovated apartments as well) are generally in old triple-deckers. They probably have wood floors, although some landlords have put in wall-to-wall or linoleum. They all have gas stoves. They generally all have windows in every room, since you rent a whole floor. But in lower priced units, air-conditioning is unheard of, Formica countertops are the norm, disposals are somewhat unusual, in-unit washer-dryers are rare, and dishwashers almost unheard-of.

When I lived in NYC my primary criteria was the ability to buy a fresh peach at 3am within 10 minutes

I love formica, especially if it has pink and grey boomerangs and metal edging!

Sadly, my current counters don't meet the above description, so I'll have to replace them soon.