My childhood home was a paean to Modernism.
It was on the small side, so it was furnished sparingly, mostly with pieces that were already 20th century icons when my folks were starting out in the 1960's: in the living room leather Zographos chairs and a Thonet rocker; in the kitchen an Eames spider-legged dining table, etc.
My parents will tell you now that our home was not well adapted to kids, and my memories bear this out: we were constantly being asked not to play on the furniture. So we eventually claimed the areas under it -- the delicate polished steel legs of the coffee table made for a very kid- (but not adult-) accessible space underneath. In spite of all the hard edges down there our parents had no choice but to give in. (Also: the kids outnumbered the adults.) These days they even allow my spit-up prone baby daughter to hang out on the Zographos chairs.
My parents were very much of their time and place. In the late 60's in space-constrained urban environments the living room was an adult space, and play was relegated to kid bedrooms. At some point in the last 40 years the culture shifted, and people started to embrace the idea that their whole home could be comfortable and safe for their kids. This seems weird because today it's not hard to find beautiful and comfortable homes that are also child-friendly. But now as back then, these homes are more easily created in the suburbs, where homes are built big, many of them with family rooms as well as living rooms (case in point, Matt's home, which Jill house-toured for AT last year: see slides 11-30).
Here in the City, most of us live in old buildings. Most of us don't have family rooms. Some of us don't even have living rooms or dining rooms, as they've been repurposed as kid rooms!
My father says, "We wanted to create a space for entertaining and we chose what we loved. And we still like it 40 years later. But today we might do it differently."
Today they'd have many more options, and I'm not (just) talking about the witty modern sheets you can now find for the crib. These days more and more urban parents remain stubbornly in touch with their own youthful tastes (see the "Grup" phenomonen). And on the flip side, the design industry has responded, big time, to consumer interest in more sophisticated design for kids. (See this post for a list of some of them.) The tastes of kids and grown-ups are starting to collide.
Can you balance the needs (comfort and aesthetic) of adults with those of kids? Can you do it in a small space? And can you do it in a way that tempts your friends into coming over to babysit? As we start out Kids + Nursery month here at AT, I'd like to hope that the answers to all these questions are yes -- and that we'll be blogging them this September.
Whata beautiful little baby!
As a child I loved sitting in our Bertoia bird chair and kicking my legs to make it bounce and hop across the marble floor...
in theory, i hate the idea of the main living areas of a home as "adult" space. i think that's one of the ways our society most represses children. it creates these spaces in children's own homes where they're not allowed to go, perfectly safe and acceptable things they're not allowed to use, etc. i remember constantly feeling vaguely humiliated at being relegated to the kids' table at thanksgiving, banned from my grandmother's formal living room, forbidden to touch certain things or explore in certain ways. it translates pretty easily into that sense a lot of adults have that they don't belong, that something is wrong with them. they start ingraining that in you when you're 4 and not allowed to touch anything. no wonder you need zoloft by the time you're 14.
i also wonder at the whole sense of valuation on things like this. obviously we all have precious things we don't want to be ruined. and little kids can inadvertantly be pretty destructive. but i find the whole concept of 'oh, what if the baby spits up on our $$$$$$$ chair" to be sort of repellant. nothing should be that sacred. what's the point of having something in your home that is so valuable it can't be used? especially in terms of designers like the Eameses who were specifically working in the idiom of homes, families, and real use. their furniture wasn't designed for museums, it was designed to be used by all members of a family. pieces like that are also relatively replaceable and fixable. we're not talking about authentic Louis XV furniture, here. you just go back to DWR and get another freakin' chair, as irritating as that might be. my childhood couch was reupholstered at least 3 times due to spills, accidents, etc.
i have memories of how bull-in-a-china-shop my brothers and i were as children. but you know, i grew up in a home that was both stylish and accessible to the whole family. and despite how wild the four of us were, most things from our childhood house are still being used, 20-odd years later. we'll never be able to list them as "MINT CONDITION!" on ebay, but you know, who cares?
Y'know, my various relatives just did what they wanted with their decor, and as a child, I was expected to respect it. Furniture was not to be abused; bric-a-brac could be touched only if handled gently. Mud had to stay outside. Large construction projects had to respect other inhabitants. Toys were to be put away when not in use, and "put away" meant they had a proper place in my room even if they'd been visiting the living room.
Child-rearing norms have changed so much that I now sound judgmental when I recall this, and in a really small space, this *is* actually a tough ideal to stick to, just because bringing in anything larger than a deck of cards requires completely rearranging the closets, and having a smallish child leaves very little energy for that chore.
This brings up a related dilemma: Toy storage.
- Are toys kept in a single place, like a bedroom, or are different kinds of toys kept in different areas (art supplies in the kitchen, for example)? We're grappling with this one right now, though we're in a one-bedroom rental right now so it is hard to imagine limiting toy storage (and play) to a single room.
- Are toys stored so as to disappear from view altogether in their bins, toy boxes and baskets? Or do you take a Montessori-like approach in which all toys are attractively displayed at the child's eye level on shelves so they can see their choices at any time in an appealing way?
The storage approach I loved with a purple passion as a smaller child was cupboards. I haven't yet fully unbonded with a (probably quite awful) credenza-type thing that my parents acquired as sort-of junk with one house and then moved to the next house. Shelving with (solid) doors was like having a secret: there was all my stuff, easily visible and available, if I opened the doors. And when I closed them, the visual chaos went away!
This is probably why we currently live in an apartment that is 25% closets and why I'm eyeing the optional doors for Billy shelves with such unholy lust.
yes! i was such a fan of cupboards as a child that there are family photos of me, circa 3 years old, actually playing IN them. closets don't excite me quite as much. but oooh, cabinetry...
i think the ideal kid storage would be an IKEA expedit bookshelf with bins or baskets in some cubbies, and bigger toys and books openly displayed in other cubbies. affordable, replaceable, attractive, and very kid friendly.
i also don't see why some toys can't stay visible within main living areas of the house. when people come over, they're probably going to see your kid. a big enough giveaway that hiding the paraphernalia seems kind of pointless. what if someone came over to your house and told you that YOUR toys (i.e. books, media, etc.) had to be hidden for the space to be neat and organized?
Ah, yes, cupboards. I recall my vision of perfection when I was a child was a bookcase w/doors that were cut so the fron look like a pitched roof house. The bookcase could then function as a doll's house, toy receptacle, or shelving. Alas, the look was too whimsical for my mother; it still remains a dream.
Most of my friends have kids. And I love my friends to come home. They love coming home to my space where the kids will have no trouble running around. I have some toys with me so that they can play. My furniture can be dismantled except the sofa.
My point is - Do not become a slave of your space. Use them. if you cannot use the furniture that you have bought then return and buy something that you will not feel afraid to touch, spill and stain. That's all process of growth - looking at life throught the stains and the spills.
Shocker, but I have to disagree with opoponax. I belive very firmly in "adult" spaces. There should be spaces for kids, and spaces for adults. Of course both can function in all spaces, but it's important to have a distinction.
As an adult I fully expect to have spaces that are "for me" where my needs are the priority. Children should respect that space. Likewise, children should have space for themselves. I know my parents didn't love everything about how I wanted my space as a child, but I was allowed to do pretty much what I wanted to it. Children should respect adult space and adults should respect childrens' space.
With a lack of square-footage this becomes a bit more complicated, but I believe it's possible to work the problem out without action figures being stored in the bar.
It's not because of the "kids table" that children are medicated. I could go on and on about this, but I believe a major problem with our society is the prolonging of childhood and the lack of meaningful rights of passage. Blurring the distinction between adult and child is not a receipe for happy-fun-all-the-time. I believe it is in fact detrimental to the mental health of all involved.
I've been pondering Opoponax's question... and it occurs to me that a lot of my "toys" ARE hidden in the name of order and tidiness. Some books and all CDs are behind doors. My dollhouses are not displayed in the bedroom or living room, only in the dining cubby and foyer. (They get worked-on in the living room, but they don't live there.)
When I was a child, I liked having MY stuff in MY room where I could arrange it with minimal parental interference. Toys came out to the living room, but they went back to my room, which defined them as MINE. That was in a house of something like 800 sq ft.
I think it has a lot to do with the personalities involved, though, where your comfort is.
don't get me wrong, i'm in all in favor of storage and putting certain things behind closed doors and having specific places for specific things. i love my ice cream machine and immersion blender, but they go in the cupboard when not in use. i'm also really not a fan of visibly displayed CD's, DVD's, etc.
but i also feel like when you all-out ban someone's belongings from a space, you're kind of telling that person that they don't belong there. especially when you forbid that person from using what is in the space.
Max: Do you have any kids? Or do you just have a really large place?
We're in a one-bedroom apartment that must serve all of its residents regardless of age, so I don't think it is actually feasible to have "adults only" spaces ;-)
That having been said, much as I love our "adult only" time after the resident toddler is in bed, I am always a bit suspicious of people who are overly protective of their "adults only" furnishings or rooms. They are often -- though not always -- the ones whose kids spend the most time with nannies or childcare workers in daycare, too. Has anyone else noticed the connection?
There is plenty of adult-only space in a city apartment. At first it is simply the upper 75% of the apartment. Everything below the 2' waterline is for the baby; the rest is for you. Magazines left in a floor basket become shreds (yum,) books on low shelves are constantly strewn around, plant soil is fun (and yummy) as well. Plus, you have to take all the chemicals out of bottom cabinets anyway. All this newly freed-up space can now be used for toys. Toys in every space that you use. When my two kids were babies, sixteen months apart, in Brooklyn, they just followed me around all day, so I made sure they had something to play with in each place. They're going to play with something, so - better their stuff than mine - I always thought. As the babies go from being tiny elephants to agile chimpanzees, the kid watermark in the apartment rises rapidly. But, by the time you are forced to start reclaiming lower shelves and coffee tables, the kids are old enough to start having limits. And magazines, like crocusses in spring, start blooming on nightstands and end tables again, uneaten by sticky rabbits.
Mama Chilanga,
I do not currently have kids, though I'm planning on it at some point in the not-to-distant future. I don't believe that a large space is necessary to have separate adult/child spaces. It seems that many small space dwellers find ways of separating spaces without having to resort to walls and doors. Sometimes a shift of color and texture can create a new space.
If I lived in a small space with a child I'd still want a few areas that are for adults. I'd imagine that this would be my working area and some place to relax with a drink. In a seriously small space this could simply be a nice chair with side table that one could place a laptop or a rocks glass filled with two ice cubes and some bourbon on. Toys and child equipment would not be allowed on the side table or chair. There you go, instant "adult zone".
Good luck with that. It is much easier said than done, particularly in a small space.
Yes, you can define an area with paint or a rug, or even install a gate... but do you really want to reprimand your child every time they toss a toy over the gate just to get a reaction? Wouldn't you rather save your energy for stopping them from doing that which is truly dangerous or disruptive?
That having been said, I have a friend whose nanny "trained" them at a young age NOT to crawl off of the living room rug so she could contain both kids without use of a gate. Sounds like the kind of thing you'd do with a puppy, not a child.
If I can do it with a rambunctious puppy I expect I can do it with a kid...
Apparently my parents were able to train me so I'm confident I'll be able to train any Max Spawn. I wasn't allowed to play on my mother's or father's desk without supervision, nor was I allowed to run wild in his workshop with all its saws and drill presses. On the lighter side I could play under but not on the dining table. I managed to escape with all my limbs intact and relatively few anti-social behaviors. During all this my parents managed to have enough energy to keep me from drinking bleach and lighting myself on fire. It's not a question of wanting to "reprimand", it's a question of space. It's possible to teach kids to respect space.
I personally think I turned out pretty well. I've seen plenty of children of "do what you want wherever you want" parents that didn't turn out so well. I can't say as to one method being superior, but I can say my parents had a cleaner house and a relaxing cocktail hour where they didn't have to worry about sitting on my favorite toy by accident.
Er, um... There is a differenct between creating adult-only spaces for your own relaxation and enjoyment within a tiny apartment and avoiding danger and mishap (both good reasons for banning the desk, tabletop and power tools) No one is arguing with the latter. BTW: I wouldn't wack your baby with a newspaper to train him/her like you did with the puppy. Nor would I press their noise to their poop when you are toilet trainig. Child Protective SErvices might look upon that too kindly ;-)