apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

I have nothing to add, but I think this makes a lot of sense.

This actually works REALLY well--
Last Friday night, we went to our favorite wine bar, and they were pretty crowded-- a friend that I rarely see came in with a new date, and we invited them to join our table. Later, another couple came in. The impromptu seating made conversation flow a lot better, and the newcomer was able to be a part of the converstaion.. much more fun, and everyone got to jump in.

Well, I guess the other thing to do is to seed conversations. Think about topics that two new acquaintances will have common interest in, and get it started.

I have a lot of highly introverted, and sometimes socially awkward, friends and acquaintances. For them, I often take them aside at the beginning of the party and give them the low down on the rest of the room. Basically, I give them a small talk idea for a few key people to get them going.

what if your friends are all H's? Not all of course but i feel like the majority of my group is.

This is a good venue to solve the problem my boyfriend and I are having. I'm more outgoing and don't have a problem being at a party, talking to people I don't know well or at all. His preferred social setting is a meal with 4-6 people he knows well and can talk to easily. I think having a dinner party is a great way to have our friends get to know each other better, all he sees in that idea is extra stress in making sure everyone is comfortable. Isn't it safe to assume that a dinner party invite might be sent to people whose only connection is to us, not each other?

maymay -I love mixing uncommon friends at a dinner table. It helps if some have interests in common (similar career, small kids, love of art, etc) though it certainly isn't required. As far as making everyone comfortable, you're all adults right? I would hope as long as you don't have an animal rights activist at a table with your favorite butcher things would be just fine. What makes most people comfortable is knowing that you welcome them being there and are excited to have them in your home. Lots of wine never hurt either!

My friends and my husband's enjoy meeting each other and we've had great dinner conversations due to the fact that we have to talk about something other than the same people we all know.

Tips from Helen, the almost-licensed party planner:

When seating guests, it's best not to place all the shallow people together. A simple shallow-deep-shallow-moody-shallow deep pattern works best.

I used to work with Linda at Apple, many years ago. This is an absolutely intelligent and logical way to approach the party planning. Sounds like Linda. We've entered a new era of intelligent pragmatism in politics and culture. Perhaps this will trickle into more areas of life. The 'green' revolution is really just ruthless pragmatism with a long range view. If you had a supercomputer and you uploaded all the variables of all the crises in all the countries in the world and asked the computer "what should we do to save our species".

I'd try adding some sort of game as people sit down. Something you have do on a little card at each plate. Could be personal, poignant, funny, competitive, stoner, etc

This is my conversation secret at any gathering or grouping of people.
Ask common open questions and go around the room/table and give everyone an opportunity to answer (if they wish).

*What's your favourite...?* questions are great starters:

"What's your favorite movie of all time? Why?"
"Favourite tv show growing up as a child?"
"What was your favourite hobby/toy growing up?"

Ask about the *holiday/ season*:

"What do you typically do for Christmas/ New Years?"
"What was Christmas/ New Years like for you growing up a child? Tell us some of your traditions."
"What is your favorite Christmas gift you received from Santa?"

*Growing-up topics* are great... esp if there are elders present. Times have changed and sharing stories about one's youth gives the younger generations a feel for how it was 'way back when...'.
I love this subject as usually mischievious tales pour forth with great enthusiasm:

"What was it like growing up... on the farm/ the prairies/ Scotland/ the country etc?"
"What was school like back then?"
"What did you typically have for meals?"

- Tell funny stories/jokes (keep it clean)
- Keep it light. Avoid heavy topics, like politics, religion etc.
- It is such a delight to see people smile and enjoy themselves, so engage everyone. Allow the conversation to flow all around the table/room (not isolated to different pockets, which looks rude and makes people feel left out).
- practice conversation etiquette: don't interrupt, listen, make eye contact, be sensitive to topics and how they may affect others etc.

Most importantly.... smile, be present in the moment, and have fun!! ☺

I'm hopeless at this sort of thing myself, but my mother and stepfather tell me that the key is to read all the gossip columns/blogs before going to social functions.

Scan the newspaper and People magazine for social topics (that's what my mother always suggested, and it has always worked for me!).

Best tip I ever read from a party host is to watch the alcohol level of the guess and by the almost end of the night to start watering down the drinks or cutting alcohol complety.