I so wich my husband DID care. It's hard to predict what he wont like and what does make him happy to have around. Any tips for getting them involved?

My partner doesn't care at all about decorating. What he DOES care about is comfort. House rule: nothing impractical or uncomfortable allowed. Nothing extraneous or extra "just for decoration." It might be frustrating but in the end I think it makes for better design overall.

(oops, mistyped: "Nothing extraneous "just for decoration")

My boyfriend basically trusts me to do the decorating, including with his stuff (or is it that he just doesn't care? can never get that one right...). If I disagree with some change he's made to the overall look, I usually just let him have his way and then secretly change it back about a week later (assuming it's something minor). He never notices.

Some things I just have to live with, though. His giant light-up poster of his old band is something he'd probably miss.

Malinna, sometimes I buy things with the idea "let's see what my boyfriend thinks of this", then I take it home and ask him whether or not he likes it, and WHY. Some stuff ends up getting returned to the store. Gradually he has become more and more involved in house-related decisions and I have gotten better at predicting what he will think of a new item. He will now get involved if I ask him to, but I am never going to come home to find him looking at paint chips or fabric choices!

Apf, same here, and I agree that it makes for better design in the end although yes it can be frustrating at the time!

My husband is very decided in what he likes and does not like. I was not expecting that when we got married. Right now our condo has bare walls because we can't agree about window coverings or decorations. Though--Victory!--we have a wall color.

Ladies and/or Gents, be thankful if you have the reigns when it comes to decorating the house!

I have a husband who does not care about decorating at all and I love it. He trusts my ideas and generally likes the space I have created for our family.

In the past I dated someone who cared how the house looked and it frequently caused arguments because we would get in the way of each others ideas.

The boyfriend currently lives with me in our little IKEA world *laughs at the idea of a Thonet chair*. We're planning to move in about 10 months and not take anything with us except for clothes and books. Plan to never buy IKEA again, maybe a Thonet chair this time around (once again, haha).

We have already began discussing what we can buy, and what we can not. I've decided instead of putting the whole place together at once, we're going to buy items slowly making sure they're of quality and what we love. He mentioned that he's just going to let me do the decorating, being that I should have an interior design degree at that point, but I would really like his input. His first declaration: He doesn't like the color green (which is the wall cover of my living room).

I realized it's not going to be easy doing this. I like colorful, and he wants black and white. What do you do when even the color interests are a stark contrast?

* Note that he hates green. I can't imagine a pure gray living space. Maybe I should take up his offer of just letting me do whatever I want.

I'm all for compromise, but what if your sig other's taste/eye for design is just really really bad/nonexistent? Yet he still wants to have input? And he can't articulate why he hates one thing but loves another? And you're in the foreign service so basically you get to move and redecorate every 3-4 years?

I'm doomed.

@ Khatam: You compromise.

Maybe you leave the walls white and the furniture black, but you have colorful carpets, blankets, pillows and art all over the place. (I'm digging the Sugar Hill Family Home post on the main AT page right now.)

Or maybe you paint the walls black and have white furniture, again, with the colorful carpets, blankets, pillows and art all over the place.

Or maybe you do a room where all the walls are white but one - and you paint that one wall a fun color.

I need to show this article to my bf. He only cares what doesn't go in the apartment, and doesn't pay for any type of decor I buy. He just doesn't understand that I love decorating!! Not to say he should be buying everything, but essentials are a given!
Grrrr... men. Lol!

My husband cares about decorating just the right amount - enough to have an opinion, but not enough to overrule me! =) I have found that the formula for success for us is for me to do the initial furniture scouting (usually online) because he simply does not have the patience to look at 500 chairs, say, whereas I do. Then, when I've narrowed it down to my top 3-5, I get him involved and we go shopping. So far, we;ve gotten a lot of good furniture and had no fights!

It has taken my husband and I nearly 4 years to get to the partly-finished point we are at, because we had nothing of our own (that was worth keeping) when we got married, and have jointly decided on every. single. thing. in our house. I love it, because our home is a blend of us both; I hate it, because it just takes SO long.

For pretty much every couple I know, the decorating process inevitably involves some arguments, whether about cost or paint color or use of space. I can't think of any couples who seem to have that magic alignment of taste, motivation, and budget priorities.

@ Malinna: You bluff.

Or at least that's what I did.

I reminded The Husband of what my childhood bedroom looked like - cotton candy pink, with a floral comforter, shelves full of porcelain dolls, walls covered with vintage purses (as decoration), random trinkets everywhere, etc. etc. And I told him that if he didn't help with the decorating, our whole apartment would look like that. (I didn't mean it.)

And I told him that various studies have been done that indicate the colors we wear and surround ourselves with influence our personalities and moods. And I wondered aloud what effect pink stuff might have on his overall mood.

Done.

From there, we just had to compromise and negotiate. It was pretty easy for us because we both have earthy-modern kind of tastes (think Frank Lloyd Wrightish). Most of the design ideas are mine, and he loves most of them. But he speaks up - usually when he thinks we don't need things like the bright orange leather ottoman I desperately want for the living room. We're still negotiating that one.

And if there's something I really want that I can't persuade him we should have... I ask for it for Christmas. We have a strict, unspoken agreement that we get whatever the other puts on his/her Christmas list, regardless of how silly or stupid it is, as long as it fits within the Christmas budget. This year, I got an $80 magazine rack from Chiasso that I'd had my eye on.

My boyfriend and I moved into our own space this past August, and we brought with us a mishmash of Ikea furniture, hand-me-downs, and very few ideas for how we wanted to decorate. Since moving in, we've bought very few items together, as we're saving to buy some pieces that will stay with us for a long time.

His idea of a good buy? Anything Ikea. I am literally thinking about re-naming items from other retailers with Swedish-sounding names in order to get him on board! He also feels squeamish about buying used furniture- something on which I am working with him.

What we've found to be helpful is that we point things out that we see that each of us like. A couch at this store, maybe a bed spread at that store, and we try to find some common ground. If I don't like the pattern, maybe I'll like the color. Slowly we're finding a common design asthetic, and I think our next move this coming summer will usher in an era of an apartment that looks less post-grad, and a bit more sophisticated.

"If I disagree with some change he's made to the overall look, I usually just let him have his way and then secretly change it back about a week later...
...He never notices."

"Some things I just have to live with, though. His giant light-up poster of his old band is something he'd probably miss."

Oh, he notices alright - Which is why at the current rate you are going to have to live with that giant light-up poster in your living room until either your children graduate from college or you divorce.

He just doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to cause a fight - Start treating your guy like he's an adult with valid opinions in his surroundings and he'll start letting go of his childish ways.

So my sig other has great taste... pretty decent stuff he has. but he wants to bring the couch he baught with his ex when they moved in. I don't want him to. He says he paid his ex for the couch so he owns it now... what's the best way to go around this..?

my hubby had pretty bad taste when we first started dating- but thats because he didn't really know better looking stuff was out there. his family didn't "decorate" and he was in the military for a while, so it wasn't a priority. he thought all sofas were overstuffed and bulky etc. after being together for a few years and being exposed to better design (i make him look through my catalogs/magazine, show him things on blogs i like etc) he has developed a pretty good eye for things.

he usually lets me have the final say in most things because he knows i care about it more than he does, but he gives lots of input and its been fun making our first home "ours". we do get in arguments if we disagree on something, or he thinks i am just dismissing one of his ideas but i figure thats to be expected as newlyweds. overall decorating/renovating our first home has been much easier than i thought it would be!

planetk --

Unless it's black pleather "Motion" furniture or you want to become his ex too - Get over it for now...
...and keep in the back of your mind that it will likely need recovering or replacing in a few years.

@ PlanetK: Why don't you want your SO's couch?

Is it because it's ugly? Or is it because you think of it as the ex's?

And why does he want it? Is it because he really likes it?

Once you answer those questions for yourself, you and your boyfriend should talk.

If it's a nice-looking couch and he really likes it, but you don't like it because he bought it with the ex, I suggest you get over it. (Some of the other "pretty great" stuff he has was probably bought with the ex, too.) Or tell him that it makes you uncomfortable because he bought it with the ex, and you want to share the furniture-buying and decorating experience with him. That's going to be a tough sell for most dudes, but it's worth a try.

Do you maybe have an extra room you could put it in? A guest room or family room? That way, you're keeping the couch, but you don't have to look at it all the time.

Or if it's ugly, is there some way you could compromise with him and make it look better? Reupholstery? A slip cover? Cool pillows?

Ah, yes. Something I never have to worry about for a multitude of reasons. :)

Though if hell froze over, cats started sleeping with dogs, and a swarm of locusts were to appear over the horizon, I think the only thing I'm guaranteed to say is, "...you're bringing that stupid papasan chair into this apartment over my dead body."

Granted, every gal I find is Craigslist's "It's me! Every girl ever", so I'm not worrying about it. Though I keep a completely empty closet "just in case". Maybe I'll just get a beagle and give the dog the closet.

I can see how the couch might bother you a bit, planetk, but it's not realistic to think that you'll find someone with no romantic past. We have a wood sculpture that my boyfriend received as a wedding gift when he married his ex; he loves it and it was a gift from his sister, so that's fine with me. His past is part of him, so I accept it and love it, like I accept and love the rest of him.

And I do not recommend that any of the women here click on Rob's link unless you feel you haven't experienced enough misogyny today.

On the contrary, Rob's link made me laugh out loud before forwarding it to several friends, regardless of the fact that I am female. But perhaps it was the shared disdain for papasan chairs...

I can't help but giggle at the couple on the couch in the photo. I can just hear them discussing which shade of khaki will go with their outfits.

My fiancee sticks his nose to every piece of decoration at home and it drives me nuts! We still couldn't find a couch according to our common taste/budget share and we have no dining table right now. This is no good, so be grateful it your significant other doesn't care about decoration.

ha! my boyfriend is color blind and has MANY opinions on color selections. Try choosing a paint color for your new house with a man who can't tell the difference between white and yellow.

also "losing things in the move" works. i know it's wrong but it saves you from arguments.