If that pic is sage, then yes, I know plenty of people who cleanse their space using it. In fact, they use sage as a verb, as in, "I had to sage my apartment after _____ left the other night. His/her energy was terrible!"

a placebo's a placebo, but whatever works for you.

I haven't done it myself, but my ethnic studies professor claims it really works. Couldn't hurt to try! I also recommend a good house cleaning before you do it. In Japan, a thorough house cleaning not only cleans up your home but they also believe it discourages bad energy from lurking. So discourage the bad energy from staying with a good cleaning, then smudge to actually make the bad energy go away. Then invite a couple friends over for some wine just for good measure.

How about you do something that actually helps? no woo pseudo-magic stuff (unless you are into crazy rituals, just stay away from the neighbors cat maybe)
how about you paint the room? or two? rearrange the furniture? do a serious housecleaning (soap/vinegar and a mop, no crazy stuff) buy a new sofa.
those things work wonder for me

Hmmm, I think smudging is a fine idea if you have the intent. Use it as a tool to focus your mind, then use your mind to change the way your place feels. Think positive,fresh,new-beginning thoughts as you let the smoke wash over your stuff.
Before doing that I would CLEAN, and re-arrange and purge things. Wash that (significant other) right out of your house!!

My husband and I are buying a home from a couple going through a divorce. We've seen evidence of a number of interrupted plans around the home and it's really sad. We've been looking for some ideas for before we move in as well to make sure none of that bad energy lingers. Thanks for the thoughts here!

After a breakup... smudge and then throw a huge party of your close friends & family.

Change bedding and bed if possible! Some cultures believe that anything that is made of cloth that belonged to the person holds their energy long after.... other than that anything else can be smudged clean.

Imo, the negative energy is what we carry within ourselves, not the energy left from circumstances or relationships. But I hear you, a good cleanse can mean myriad different things to different people, so if you think this will help re-focus YOUR energy, then that's what I think you should do.

Maybe it would help to instead of thinking of the house as harboring negative energy, to think of the love, happiness and positivity that YOU yourself put into your home, or intend to put into your home. I think we often get mired down in this idea that negative things have a way of "sticking" but we discount the impact of positive experiences and feelings, too. Not too easy to be done in a time of heartache, I know. But just my two cents. Good luck, these things are never easy!

What yurko said.

However, you might just try to clean/rid your space of any reminders from that past relationship, and just a good overall cleaning might do wonders. Not to mention your space is controlled by your own attitude (or "energy" if you will). Take a positive stance and move forward to your next chapter!

i did that and much more when my ex finally left. smudge, clean, paint, purge, rearrange, throw a party. do it all. over the years, when i've come across some random thing left over from that previous life, i dispose of it as quickly as possible.

I think it's worth a try, I know quite a few people who believe in it, I was raised by a certified California woo-woo and I turned out (semi) normal. *g*

First, pack up anything that belongs to him or leaves negative memories of him and get it out of the house (out - not packed up to go - out). Give the house a good cleaning. Smudge from room to room, using your own smudge stick (not someone else's), then open the windows and doors wide - and - reposition some of your furniture and/or artwork to give you the feeling of a true fresh start.

P.S. Not indicating you should toss someone's belongings, just that they should be packed up and shipped to them or stored offsite!

purging is what i would recommend. bad feelings carry weight, and a good way to start getting rid of emotional weight is get rid of some physical weight, by way of clearing your space of physical reminders and general clutter. pretty much what kelli and yurko said: if smudging is your thing then go for it, but i think there's more real and tangible ways to take charge of your mood and how you perceive the "energy" in your own space.

also what surfjack said. we tend to give license to "negative energy sticking" around while one could just as easily give equal weight to the positive.

I am a Native American person. A REAL, card-carrying, pedigreed, papered, tribally-enrolled, blood-quantum-verified Native person.......not a white person who says they're great-grandmother was a Cherokee princess. I was raised to observe and practice traditional tribal spirituality. The real deal. And I have an informed opinion on this.

"Smudging" can take many forms, and is practiced in many permutations by many cultures with varying materials. Incense, herbs, plants, paper. Here in the states, especially in SoCal (or wherever there are hippies) I mostly run into a bastardized version of sage burning that non-Native people have appropriated (read: stolen) (Imagine that!) from Native culture and tried to (mis)interpret and (mis)practice as their own form of a cleansing ritual.

Too often, I hear of this practice performed with selfish intentions by the person who wants it themselves. Which, in my tribe, is considered counterproductive to the ritual itself. If a person smudges their space themselves, with selfish intentions to serve themselves, it will only pollute the space with more negative conceit and self-interest.

In general Native tradition, smudging is a practice you must request of a medicine person who is qualified to do it properly. You bring an offering to that medicine person, food or tobacco or a blanket, and make your request. The medicine person will know which spirits in your home are welcome and unwelcome, and ask them to stay or go, FOR you. The smoke of whatever smudging material they use is how their messages travel, and if someone mis-uses this ritual with selfish intentions, it could make things worse.

Please don't appropriate another culture's sacred ritual unless you have a clear understanding of its meaning and and intent to honor its correct practice. This applies to not only Native American culture but all cultures.

I suggest inventing your own ways to cleanse your space of your ex, (which would have so much more meaning for you) or find a Native spiritual practitioner/elder to do it right. One with papers, and tribal enrollment......not at findasquanto.com. I'm so sorry to hear of your difficult breakup. Don't make things worse by abusing a ritual that will actually turn the energy in your home darker.

In college I attended a Native American Spiritual and Cultural Beliefs class for a semester. Smudging was performed almost every class period and on various other occasions and ceremonies. It was a really great experience every time. I loved how the sage smelled (white sage was used) and the principles of smudging. I feel that if you respect the beliefs that lie behind smudging and the Native American culture and go into this with the proper attitude, you will get the most out of your experience. The Native American beliefs and cultural ways are truly interesting and heart warming.

After friends & I kicked out a stressful housemate, we couldn't kick the feeling that he might walk in at any minute. A wiccan friend suggested sprinkling salt water, so we made a party of it: a late night drive to the beach to collect seawater, then blasting fun music while we frolicked around the apartment sprinkling water and laughing.
I think that the choice of ritual itself is totally unimportant, but that sometimes marking an occasion can help make the change feel more real. And making a party of it helps keep it positive. Good luck!

A ritual of thorough cleaning and saging is said to be purifying. One that I like is this: take your oldest broom and sweep the floors where he walked, sweep the dirt out of corners & out the main door and don't bring the dustpan and broom back into your home. give it away, or whatever & purchase new ones to remind you of your pleasant fresh start!

a little redorating & a freshly painted wall can also work wonders.

Bx, RIGHT ON. Cultural appropriation is inexcusable. Thanks for the context you gave to this practice. I am always a bit shocked when "Native Americans" is used as a catch all for the hundreds of different cultures that exist and are lumped into this one phrase.

The house with unfinished projects needs to have the projects finished. Once you move in and have your things in place, it will help a great deal. The unfinished projects will cause you to dwell on the people, their divorce and their plight instead of rejoicing in your new home.

I have no problem with using a practice that began with another culture, so long as you don't misrepresent your use of it.

I use ritual styles from dozens of sources and I feel no guilt about it HOWEVER I NEVER represent myself as an expert in the original format or culture unless it is true to be so.

As for smudging: I find any ritual that stirs up a) the space and b) your emotions is good. Something to get into all the nooks and crannies and clear them out. That can be smoke, salt, water, intent, or just a good cleaning. Just give yourself a symbolic "new leaf."

The part that's more spirit/god/energy and less psychology...ehm, if smudging doesn't already mean something to you, then you're not going to gain any ground with it just because you decided it was a good symbol.

Enjoy the psychology, or else find something related to a religious practice you genuinely DO believe.

Although I have not gone through a significant break-up, I know that for me a thorough cleaning of whatever helps me rebalance in difficult times. When my (step)father died, I spent the next two days furiously cleaning and it really helped me process the feelings; my mother also said he would found great humor in the fact that I greeted his death with cleaning. I have found generally that cleaning helps to process lots of things.

I realize that some commenters are not people for whom spiritual practices have meaning, but it is cruel to call them "pseudo" anything. I would invite us to hear the real question being asked here, which for me is: "How do I make my house a home again after the person I lived with is no longer here and what home means to me has changed?" This is a question of profound meaning regardless of your beliefs, traditions or practices.

I would offer this: Ritual always has meaning when the ritual utilized is special to the person or persons a part of them. What has made "C" feel at peace and heal in the past? Who does "C" know that always lifts "C's" spirits and who is helpful and ushers kindness all around them? Create what is meaningful to you, "C," and you cannot go wrong.

I also suggest creating a positively worded intention for your home and your life in it. There is lots of good neuro-science that shows that we lay down patterns of belief by the messages we give ourselves. So, if you say things like, "Why does everything remind me of X?" or "I see my (fill in item) and I am reminded of what a pond scum my ex is." you lay down mental tracks that make those very thoughts/feelings only stronger with time. Using a positive mantra/affirmation/intention can help lay down different tracks. Here is a primer one for you to modify to help you: "My home is a place of peace, comfort, love and respit from the outside world. I give thanks for the gifts it gives to me."

Peace and light on your journey of healing, hope and wholeness.

Wow, surfers! What a way to be insulting. Smudging is a Native American simple cleansing ritual practiced by many Nations. Burning herbs like sage, cedar, or frankinsence, for ex. is common in many cultures and religions throughout the world, even the Catholic Church. Maybe that is just too "crazy" for you but honestly, you might enjoy learning about it. It's pretty interesting and common sense. I agree with you and everyone else saying that a good, thorough clean unbeatable but finishing it off with smudging could end it in beauty and I think it works -- that, and a house full of friends enjoying your hospitality -- I agree with that too.

oops
*is* unbeatable

Go for it. I also like BX's idea of creating your own ritual.

If it works for you, by all means do it... however, I live in Cali where white sage is native.. please do ask if it's locally grown and not harvested from the wild. It's almost impossible to find wild plants anymore thanks to this new fad..:(

It really works. But buy one from a Native
American. The herbs, grasses and sage that make them up are important.

I would have the house professionally cleaned, and the bathrooms bleached within an inch of their lives. Think CSI.

I agree with Rucy about getting rid of everything not yours. You might save one thing, and then burn it (carefully) at the front door before entering the house. It would be something opposite the threshold carry.

I would put everything where I want it to be. I would imagine a lot of things were moved during the relationship, and moving your things back into place will make it feel like your home again. Good luck.

While not a "woo-woo" believer (first time I've seen the phrase, love it), I do believe in the logic behind it. Smell is considered the most evocative of human senses - think realtors and cookies - it makes perfect sense to change the aroma of a home/environment for a new start. A ceremony also makes sense, whatever is chosen. It provides a specific end point to the prior events and gives the participants a mental/emotional marker. Other cultures have recognized these needs for centuries and placed them in contexts relevant to their beliefs. You should select a ceremony that fits your needs (bearing in mind the cultural notes in prior posts) and aromas that hit the right "buttons" for you. Mine would probably be heavy on the "clean, sharp" scents - grapefruit, lemongrass, etc. Sage would not be helpful in my case . . ;)

High five, Bx. High five.

Another person seconding what Bx said so beautifully.

You should stick with engaging in rituals from religions you actually believe in.

1. Purge stuff from relationship. A really DEEP purge is best - remove their stuff, things they gave you, things that remind you of them, etc. Get in all your drawers and closets and go through ALL the stuff in your space. (Purging other stuff you no longer need or want at the same time isn't a bad idea either.)

2. Deep-clean entire space.

3. Update the decorating. This doesn't have to cost a lot - even rearranging furniture and taking down pictures of your ex will make a difference.

4. If you're not up to throwing a party, at least cook yourself a meal with foods you like but your ex doesn't, then watch a movie or TV show your ex didn't like either. I swear it helps.

5. Looking better helps some people (me!) feel better. Get your hair trimmed, get a new outfit, and go do something fun!

I think that if you are approaching smudging with humility and the right intentions, there is nothing wrong with pursuing it. My best friend is also a "card carrying" First Nations (Canada) citizen and I know she would have no problem with you "stealing" this. She would want you to be informed and serious about it though and then happy that something from her traditions have been thoughtfully considered, respected and practiced by another person that was in need. Good luck, break ups are tough!

Clean everything in the place thoroughly, and get rid of anything that belonged to the ex. Then get rid of anything you own that reminds you of bad times or makes you feel sad or tired when you see it. Unfinished projects either need to be done or done away with; same with broken stuff: fix it now or throw it out.

My 2cents...do an eight step home cure (I think there's a book for that)...Then when everything is clean & fixed & organized, have a spa day or weekend...sleep in, do yoga, run three miles, eat light and healthy, drink lots of water, breath & meditate. Then smudge or clap , burn incense, or knock rocks together. In each corner, then the middle...then invite good vibes, good friends,good food & good intentions... it's all good.

Totally agree with THISTINDER.
Card carrying or not, it's your intention that matters! You can educate yourself on how to do it or have it done properly.
Geesh, people are people.
No need to be greedy with anything that helps a person to feel better!

Ok, from another kind of Indian, here goes:
One way (and only if the negative energy was very bad)-- leave black moong (a kind of bean pulse, check with an Indian store) and rock salt along with water in a metal container overnight. Preferably that you stay elsewhere that night.
Next morning dispose off the moong, salt and water. FAR AWAY from your house.
All these cleaning suggestions other posters have made are VERY good.
later you can use a ghee diya (a lit cotton wick in a earthern bowl) and incense to charge your space.
Good luck.

You can also try a reiki based/energy channeling based way of cleaning/energizing a space. Reiki is a universal energy which can be channeled through the 7th chakra (top of head) and out through the hands. While the practice of reiki itself requires training and initiation (I have my 2nd level), someone who does a "laying on of hands" channels energy in the same way, but in a more intuitive and less structured way. Universal energy is all about love, so you just ask the universe to help you clear/charge your space, and with loving intention lay your hands or hold them up and focus on filling your space with loving energy/light while lovingly inviting negative energies to leave. I often feel my heart chakra more intensely when doing things like this, and I tend to take that as a sign that it's working. But as a being of energy and love, you yourself have what you need to shift energy through your own influence and intention - no special shopping trips required, and repeatable any time needed. Best of luck.

Negative energy and feelings live within yourself, not your home. Do what you feel is necessary to move on, I don't believe smudging or any other ritual is effective in itself. It's the focusing and intention behind it that is why it works for some people.

If you are ready to let go of the relationship and your hurt from the way it ended you can do it in any number of ways. My personal preference is a thorough cleaning of the house and physically change the space by rearranging furniture, change the curtains, put up new artwork, paint, etc. whatever it takes to make it feel new and fresh for you.

I was going to say that if it makes you feel better, then do it. Until I read Bx's comments. But if you had to ask if you should do this, then maybe this isn't the right way for you to move on.
If you think about it, half of the negativity from a relationship that didn't work out has already gone. Find a way within yourself and your own personal beliefs to help you say goodbye. Best of luck!

Lots of good suggestions in previous comments. I liked bells with clear tones. I would gently, carefully ring one once indoors, then listen as the sound echoed and faded. I make no claims that this clears the air spiritually, but some people of other cultures do. I'd reflexively stop still, not even thinking, the better to enjoy the beautiful sound. That kind of peaceful pause helps to build home harmony. Letting in sunlight and fresh air from outdoors also is beneficial.

Sorry you have gone through this, but it will will will get better (can't get any worse, right?). DO the smudge stick, do whatever you can think of to begin drawing a sharp dividing line between old life and new. And read this:
http://howtorunyourlife.blogspot.com/2010/10/how-to-get-over-broken-heart-in-7-easy.html

Tried and true. It WORKS.
pamh
howtorunyourlife.blogspot.com

Yes, you should definitely smudge after a breakup - even after an argument. If you dont like the smoke residue from sage, i make a Smudge Spray that is available on my website at tishamorris.com. I am a feng shui consultant and specialize in clearing energy that most people dont realize are there, but affects you everyday. By the way, i also have a blog article on my website specifically for after breakups. Best of luck!

I'd never spitefully pervert any cultures' artificial symbols, unlike those flamers who in previous posts repeatedly have commented mockingly about hanging crosses upside-down because it's "pretty." Given respectful intentions, the challenge is that there's nothing new under the sun, and all humanity shares some basic desires and needs. It would be hard to find a natural element that hasn't been used by different cultures in varied rituals since before history began. I doubt any one has a valid claim to a monopoly on rain or other manifestations of water, butterflies, or rainbows. That others before you did so doesn't make it misappropriation for you to enjoy the beauty of nature. You have as much right as any one else to connect to its healing aspects.

My dad used to do this whenever I got sick as a little girl. Now I hate sage.

Reshaping your day and night patterns in an ongoing way with tweaked, healthier, infomal home rituals can help you move into a better period of your life. Establishing different habits also can help break up the linked internal activities, like unhelpful memories, moods, and obsessive thoughts, triggered by old behaviors. It's like how quitting smokers replace their smoking lifestyle, avoiding tempting smoking situations by substituting nontoxic activities like exercise and a better diet. You can make yourself a new home even in the same physical space. It'll feel great when you can look back at this time as something left well behind, and separate from, the happier place you'll be by then. It also can't hurt to remember that many AT readers wish you well!

I think the most important thing to realise is that there is no energy to get rid of. The sooner you realise this, the better in the long run. If you are in the mindset that there is such a thing then it will haunt you everywhere. When in reality it's all in your mind, so your mind is what you have to do something about. Read about psychology (like psychologytoday or "this column will change your life"), this will give you good ideas. I don't know where you read about this ritual, but there is a chance that it has a lot more unsubstantiated information like that. Read more on that and you'll soon be spending money on psychics etc. So it's better to realise that there is only reality and you have to deal with it. It's empowering!

I found Bx's insights fascinating and they make complete sense. I also see where oakleaf is coming from: the ritual itself might not be as important as a mental disconnection from the past.

With that, sage is used for calming in aromatherapy, thus it has been used in a lot of ways and sage candles are easy to find. I would say that the smudge might not be as important in your case as any type of cleanse:

Perhaps an all out cleaning / redecorating weekend would do the trick with some sage or lavender candles to get the calming sensations back into the space.

(My parents recently divorced, so my mom is going through a similar transformation. She's renovating her kitchen, and my sister and I are completely redecorating her bathroom)

(Whoops, by bathroom, I meant bedroom... but I'm tackling the bathroom too.)

I'd like to play devil's advocate for a moment and disagree with all the posters who recommend to purge everything that reminds you of the former partner, everything that he/she gave you, and everything that belonged to him/her. You say this was a long relationship, so this was obviously a significant part of your life. It is and always will be, in some way, a part of who you are. Trying to run away from it, go around it, or pretend it doesn't exist is damaging to your integrity in the long run. Do what you need to do to promote healing now, but don't try to deny an entire part of your life. However difficult it is in the moment, change is an opportunity for growth and deeper self-knowledge. Good luck and hugs.

I think it's definitely a placebo effect. I do not mean any offense to your beliefs, though.

Try painting the place something completely opposite of what you have or wallpapering. Just do something very different. Rearrange the furniture, or better yet get rid of it and donate it somewhere and bring in new or reupholstered finds from the thrift store. Get rid of everything that reminds you of the negativity, even if it means clearing the whole space.

I realize as the poster jeanmarie stated, that this was a significant part of your life and you can't pretend it doesn't exist or wasn't part of your life, but that's not what I'm suggesting.

A lot of times when a relationship has ended we feel like the one who left the home, goes on to newer and better things, making us feel that what we have and who we are isn't enough. Changing our home or our appearance causes a lot of people to feel as if they have a chance to go on to "newer and better" things as well. Losing weight, a new hairstyle, making your home brand new to yourself through a makeover can make you feel worthwhile, like there is something intriguing about yourself, yet to be discovered. This can be empowering.

And no, I'm not suggesting our self-esteem comes from our outer appearance or home appearance, but it can make us feel like we have one up on the one who left the home.

Did some incense-burning in our new place - because the former owner wore one of those horrible powdery colognes (Old Salt?) and the stink lingered even AFTER painting. It worked - except the sage I used smelled like kinda like pot!

Prayer ALWAYS works.

I moved into an office which was stripped bare and despite bringing my stuff (which had earned me compliments and plenty of people dropping by to say 'hi' it seemed cold and uninviting. I decided to smudge, using piñon and sage. I did this on the weekend so people with allergies wouldn't be affected. Monday, people started coming in and saying how nice the office looked 'now' though, other than the smudging, it was the same as it had been on Friday. I just report; your mileage may differ.

I'm not sure about sage, but after my last breakup I painted and rearranged furniture, cleaned out my belongings, etc. It's a time for a lot of transformation, whatever that means to you. Good luck!

I bought sage from a "bonafide" Native American this summer at a pow-wow on the reservation near where I grew up (my high school was on the res and the community was quite blended, so I have always felt a strong connection - I didn't go as a "tourist," which seems to be important to many of my tribal friends). I would never pretend to know how to perform the traditional, sacred ritual, but I have burned my sage a few times since I brought it home. I sit and smell the smoke, waving it toward my face and around the room. I walk around with it and think about ridding myself of negative feelings. I guess it's my own ritual, using the medicine woman's sage.

There's something about the smell, the movement around my space and the thoughts that go through my head that make me feel refreshed and renewed. I don't pretend to talk to spirits or ask any higher being for help - I take in the smoke and let it soak up musty smells. That, along with a good housecleaning, can really set the stage for a fresh start.

Every time traditional practices or items are discussed, there seems to be a big divide over whether it's OK for those outside of the culture to perform or own them. The Native American commenter above gave some good insight on the topic, and I appreciate that it wasn't all "Don't do it, Whitey!" My personal view (which doesn't mean much, of course) is that one shouldn't pretend to understand practices of which they know little. Still, I think the tools can be adapted to your own cleansing ritual. If you use sage, a stick of sandalwood incense or a really good bleach-down of your whole home (though I'd not use bleach), I think performing your own ritual can be a really good way to move on.

FWIW, when I decided to drop out of journalism school more than a decade ago, I went to Lake Michigan and ceremoniously threw my AP Style Guide into the waves. That felt wonderful.

I think the only way it's going to work for you is whether or not you believe in the meaning behind the sage. As a Christian yet a person connected to my ancestors roots, I use sage, sweetgrass, and cedar. My form of using it is like a prayer...I think you need to follow what you're comfortable with and I love some of the ideas given above of taking back your home in much more literal way of removing things that remind you of the bad relationship. I do believe in negative energy, and smudging alone isn't going to take away that negative energy if you're not willing to follow through with what you personally need to do.

To Arkay:

Sage can smell a bit like pot if you're not used to the subleties...

I had never heard of this, the comments are absolutely fascinating!

Julie - I've burned sage before, but this particular stick smelled seriously like sticky bud. My wife comes home and was "WHAT have you been doing?" Um, cleaning the house dear... really!

Incense-wise I like pinon pine, but the pressed pellets kick out a lot of smoke. Red Tibetan incense too.

After a nasty breakup, I gave her back all her stuff, and put all the stuff (gifts, etc) that evoked us as a couple away in a big box to go through later. I'm glad I got them out of my sight, and I'm glad I didn't throw all of them out.

I am also a Native Canadian (Metis). My grandmother taught me the smudging ceremony. I would have zero issue with the "ethics" of a non-Native using this ceremony- go for it!
I also recently went through a horrid breakup of the only man I ever felt REALLY passionate about (and I was the one to end the relationship- I just knew it was not good). The first thing I did was went through my house, found anything he has left behind. Boxed it up, tied a string around the box and said "I bind your energy and negativity with your belongings, and out of my life." Then I dropped the box off to his house. Second, I smudged my entire home. I cried when I first did it, but after the tears flowed and I got that all out of me, not only did my home feel more at peace, but I did, too. I think the ritual of it is more important than the actual sage itself. It made me feel in control, and I doubt I would have cried like I did without doing the ceremony and just LETTING GO. The next day I rearranged my furniture, bought some cute new accessories and lingere (heh heh), and started moving forward.
Good luck to you, and while I know it seems brutal now, it does get better. Every minute you spend unhappy is a minute of happiness stolen from you.

I should also add, after reading some more comments- I am also "card carrying spent the bulk of my childhood on a reserve observing and participating". My Native grandmother assisted me with the smudging and cleansing. I agree with Bx to a point- I don't believe that it's bastardizing the ritual for someone to appropriate the ritual, but I DO agree that it must be done properly, with all solemnity and respect due.

I think the point of smudging isn't so much to get rid of bad energy in a physical place than to get rid of your negative feelings in your head. I have even read a green magic book (sounds kooky, I know, but it had lots of scientifically supported tricks that can work for people who otherwise don't believe in witches) that provides a method for smudging and even that book stresses that this is simply a means to officialize your desire to not have negative energy cling to you and works like a placebo.

I think the idea is to concentrate your whole being for a few hours on something you want to achieve to put yourself in a state of mind that will allow you to achieve it. Mental conditioning is what a shrink would call this.

I would simply get rid of all things and arrangements that were meant to support the person you left, then get a few new items that precisely make YOU feel good, maybe even something that would have made the person you left feel downright bad if they were there and then a good cleaning, topped with a pleasant activity in your new home and a really good scent in the air. A nice, relaxing bath with an uplifting essential oil would be my idea of such an activity.

Things that have a strong scent can help you feel like change has taken place. I personally would use lavender, which has a frank smell that is also soothing and relaxing. I think the scent of lavender is powerful enough that, if you make your house smell of it, it will kind of feel like a clean slate. Oil of rosemary really lifts spirits and I have used a ballpoint bottle of it to apply it on my wrist. It worked for me.

If you are interested, the book I was referring to is called The Way of the Hedge Witch - Rituals and Spells for Hearth and Home. It was written by Arin Murphy-Hiscock, and although it may sound like a wicca manual, it is simply a guide to help put you in the right state of mind. It has lots of recipes for house doorstep cleaning, house blessing, room blessing, personal purification, creating sacred space and even recipes for natural cleaning products that will make you feel good, safeguard the environment and cost next to nothing. Many of the recipes found within recommend a certain scent or colour or material and add that you can use whatever you feel comfortable with, so, no hocus-pocus stuff.

Whether it is real or not - I am always behind something that will make you feel better and perhaps bring closure or peace to your space. I have done it several times. I also 'bless' my house when I clean it. I ask that my home be a place that nurtures those that visit and brings them peace and joy. I believe it works but again, whether it really does or not, anytime you are putting out positive and doing proactive things to make your home and life a better place - it cannot hurt! :)

I had a minister friend recommend that I pray blessings over the new apartment I had just moved into, and annoint the front door frame with oil. I did this while walking through each room. The apartment felt very peaceful afterwards.

Sage works wonders. Also leave oranges with cloves in different corners of the house . It also picks up negativity. All you naysayers dont knock what you dont understand. These practices hace been and are still used by many spiritual people over thousands of years. Just cause you dont believe it doesnt mean it doesnt exist

The goal is to feel safe in your own home.
First change the locks.
Then open doors and windows and let some fresh air in. Clean the space.
Light an incense stick and walk with it around the space, saying «This is my home, I live in peace». Visualize a circle of pure light surrounding the space. Repeat as needed.

I was struck by the woo-woo comment. What is woo-woo to some is very real to others. I worked with scientist Dr. Valerie Hunt at UCLA in graduate school. We used EMG equipment to measure subtle energy fields. I also spent a great deal of time building my sensitivities to subtler energy forms. To me "energy" is very real. The comment RE thorough cleaning, shaking things up a bit, intention, visualization and smudging most definitely work for me. Everything is composed of energy. Go by how things make you "feel". Whatever lifts your spirits, helps you to let go and move on DO IT.

I submit that whatever you decide in regards to sage is perfectly acceptable for whatever it means to you. Frankly, don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Ritual has a nice way to helping us to be clear about our intentions and freeing up space within us to begin anew.

In that same vein - it can be very painful, breakups. I myself got divorced last year after 21 years of marriage. Living in a house that was our former house together and even harder, a bedroom which was ours, became very difficult. Moving isn't an option for me. But moving rooms was something I finally struck upon after several months. Staring over in a different bedroom with paint and new bedding and new decor did wonders. It continues to be a place of healing for me. Even if you aren't able to change rooms, considering changing things which will lead you to feel renewed and like you're starting over fresh. This will help you I as well as anything else you decide makes sense.

Good luck. Take good care of yourself.

@Bx, no she was Potawatomi not Cherokee! ;^) (Well, according to family legend.) (No, I don't believe it, although since the ancestor husband was supposedly a French-Canadian trapper in Michigan, it's not impossible...)

Anyhow, I don't believe in the efficacy of anybody's religious rituals, but I have no problem with those who feel otherwise doing what feels right to them.

I think there is no getting around the pain of a breakup. You have to find your own way to deal with it. Journaling helps some people, therapy helps some people, cleaning and purging helps some people... it's very personal. Then there is the whole aspect of WHY you broke up. If you might get back together someday, as my ex and I did, there is a different set of issues when it comes to clearing out the other person...

I'd say at the very least, burn off some of the emotion with a thorough house cleaning and rearranging of your place -- redecorate as much as you can realistically do to suit YOUR taste, nobody else's. Eat some comfort food, drink something soothing and non-alcoholic. Invite over some real friends... move on. If sageing holds symbolism for you, go for it, but don't expect any one act to solve anything. No matter what, it will be a process and it will take time.

Do whatever you need to help YOU move on. I'm personally of the opinion that smudging and other ~negative energy cleansing~ is more of a personal ritual for the person's own inner peace and the current popular conception of it has very little to do with the original intent, purpose, and method of the original culture(s) it's been appropriated from.

If you feel like this is what you need, then by all means, do it. If you're religious, maybe you can have a priest/minister come bless your place. Or, as other people have suggested, maybe just a total makeover of your place -- eg, repainting, rearranging furniture, buying all new stuff, etc, throwing out the old stuff, is just what you need.

When my parents got a divorce after nearly twenty acrimonious years of "staying together for the kids," my mom got the house. Ultimately, she sold it, because it was associated with too many bad memories. If this is an option for you, perhaps you can take this path as the ultimate starting over?

Good luck at any rate. And know that you've already taken the biggest and most important step in removing the SOURCE of the negative energy -- your former partner.