This area was bad for many years until several years ago here. I could tell you true stories, but you wouldn't believe them. Two things normalized our home life. First, my husband got a better job that happened to leave him with higher tolerance for change at home. Second, for professional development he took architecture courses that happened to increase his appreciation of change at home.

I'm going through this now! My BF and I just moved in together and he has so many silly toys, AC/DC posters and other "ugly" things that I'm not sure what to do! He knows that I'm trying to make us a calm and comfortable home, but his toys keep finding a place! I want to be accepting of it and not disrespectful to him, but I'm struggling!

Laura
Just a Little Bit

Not "things," but definitely paint. My ex husband hated the idea of change, but ended up liking everything I did to the house. So instead of arguing for weeks about why I wanted to do something like paint the entry hall in a rich aubergine... I would bring up the idea once, drop it after he freaked out, and then paint it a few days later while he was gone. That way, I only had to deal with a short meltdown during "the reveal," and by the next day he would readily admit that it looked really good.

And for those of you who are going to think that I'm too sneaky and underhanded... he will be the first to tell you that it was a good way of getting around his reluctance.

Ha! Always! I sneak things into the apartment all the time. My husband is not the decorating type, so I am usually the one who does it all anyways. He will come home and there will be new art on the wall, different curtains hung and a new clock put up. He just looks and shakes his head now, no need to argue, just accept it.

Flashback! When I was about 13, my Mother, who loved things Asian (as do I) bought a foot-tall ceramic Buddha at the flea market. I have no idea why, but she thought Dad would object, so she hid it at a neighbor's house for over a year before finally bringing it home! (I don't recall Dad even noticing.) I have it now that she's gone...

In my home, I am the main decorator, but my partner and I discuss furniture, wall colors, and any major purchases. He picked some things, I picked others, but we avoid things the other person hates. I tend to buy "treasures" at flea markets and thrift stores without input, but I generally don't display them in our "common areas" if he objects. (There IS the hand carved half-size swan decoy that he has reservations about, but he'll come around!)

My father and I got entangled in a sneaky rearranging ritual when I was in college. On breaks I would come home and arrange all of my books in alphabetical order by author's last name (I worked at a library) and while I was away at school my dad would rearrange all of my books according to height. This went on for several years until dad finally won by installing a bookshelf with different height shelves that necessitated organization by height.

I always try to run things past the husband before I do things... but sometimes you just have to paint a room while they are at work...it is the only way to convince them. It's only paint.

When I was a teenager my mom would NEVER let me paint my room. So every time they went on vacation and left me home I wouldn't have a party, I just painted my room! hahahaha

@saragrz, Never heard of a teenager doing that--funny story!

I mentioned I wanted to paint the powder room a great earthy green/brown, and my husband said "no", and I said "yes". I waited until he left for one of his regular golf weekends, and then started painting. I put a great lamp on the large vanity, and hung art on the walls. He came home and said, "I thought I told you no?" and I replied " I thought I told you yes?" I told him if he hated it, he could repaint it when I went away for a gal's weekend. We sold the house 16 years later, and he never repainted! I've learned that to raise the issue of change with my husband is to open an argument. So, I just do it. Always, he likes it in the end. I just don't think he can visualize it like I can.

I moved into a boyfriend's apartment a few years back and had trouble adjusting to his stark, manly style. Eventually I was able to convince him to get rid of the dark navy living room paint color in exchange for a lighter green. And I made a few other changes as well, but I was never able to sneak any changes...unfortunately...would have been nice :)

Jeanne
http://www.etsy.com/shop/RainyPenguinVintage

I'm the one with an interest in decorating/furniture etc. in our marriage, but I do discuss any major changes or purchases with my husband in advance. It's only polite when you share a space (and a bank account.) Like SherryBinNH, smaller finds come home with me without any prior consultation. If we ever truly disagreed about bringing something into our space, I think we'd each let the other keep it if it obviously meant a lot to them.

My man tends to be indecisive and put off decisions about decor forever. I'll often wait until he's at work to do some rearranging or hang a picture where I want it, etc.

We won't buy anything for the house without both agreeing to it first, though.

I'm a sneaker. I have to be as I'm a hoarder & my wife's a minimalist. Our rule is 1 thing out for every new thing in. Generally for renovations & decor, we have a veto on the other's proposals. For renos or bigger jobs, 1 is designated the lead, & the other supports. This avoids many fights.

One time the wife went on a weekend trip, and I really wanted a window from the kitchen to the stairwell to let more light in, so I cut the drywall without permission. I thought once she saw it she'd see what a great idea it was. She didn't, so I had to put back the drywall, with screws, so I can take it out again if she ever changes her mind.

Since then the sneaking's been much smaller scale.

When I had a roommate, I would wait till he was gone for the weekend to paint & rearrange.

He'd get huffy about how he should have been consulted - I'd simply explain that it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and remind him that he wasn't inconvenienced and basically never did anything to the place to improve it anyway.

If my (wonderful) boyfriend had his way, the entire place would be done up in a southwestern dude-ranch style. He even has a pair of bull horns from the Calgary Stampede that he is always trying to sneak into the decor. I prefer softer colours with graphic patterns and he always says it is too pale. White walls scare him. Thank goodness we're in a rental right now that we can't do anything with anyway but one day, our two styles will collide and our place will either be eclectic and awesome, or confused and ugly.

It was clear my boyfriend was a borderline hoarder who didn't care how his space looked from the time I first met him (not a mortal sin, just not the way I am).

However, despite not wanting to put time and effort into getting rid of junk and sprucing things up, he's generally delighted with the results. So around the place, I generally just do whatever I want. 99% of the time he loves my changes.

And the rest of the time...well, he's ADHD, so he soon forgets what it was he didn't like. It works for us.

We have an he "doesn't have the vision" issue at home too. Any time I want to try something quirky or new he looks at me like I am crazy... Thats when I either make the puppy dog eyes, or tell him he should go visit his parents for the weekend!

Oh, please. I could nail my HUSBAND to the wall, let alone a guitar and he'd look at me and say, "Ok, I know from that look something is different in here, but I'm just not *seeing it*..."

Usually I'm the one sneaking things OUT! I try to follow the one in/one out rule, and get rid of something old or worn out to make room for its replacement. I also tend to get rid of things that haven't been used in six months.

My husband tends to be in the let's-hold-onto-this-in-case-we-need-it camp. Sometimes I win, sometimes he does. The boat racing helmet [note: we do not, nor have ever, owned a boat] was let go, but the "Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles" movie poster has stayed (thankfully it's in a tube!)

I'm glad I live alone.

Haven't had much of that with my husband. the ex had a hideous collection of mementos, including a plastic "horny devil" figurine and a horrible ceramic skull with bleeding eyes that was a gift from a High School friend.

Nowadays i'm pretty much left to do whatever I feel like doing. My husband's tastes run to eighties style wall-of-oak furniture, but he's happy so long as he can reach his computer.

HA! Yes, indeed. I had a roommate who had some "special issues", including an inability to deal appropriately with anger and frustration. I came back one day to discover my dishes incorporated into her latest mosaic project. Well, pieces of dishes.

It was the Coffee Table That Inspired Me to Move In With My Fiance.

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cute stories

I'm just glad to know my husband is not unique after seeing what Londonverve and Surfjack wrote. :) I normally take advantage of my husband's business trips to make trips to Goodwill with his "treasures" which interestingly enough, he never seems to notice are missing. (My sister-in-law does the same thing with my brother-in-law.)

Luckily my husband and I are very compatible, but I remember with shame that when my mother hired an interior decorator to "do" our new home when I was a teenager, my brother and I used to rearrange the stuff she placed in the rooms after she left for the day, to see if she would notice. Her style wasn't really my favorite, but I will say she was a sport who always managed to put everything back correctly AND never said anything to my mom, so she ended up with a thumbs up from me for being cool about our obnoxious behavior.