1. Don't cry over anything that can't cry over you. This is my sister's mother-in-law's advice, and it's become something of a mantra in my family. Inanimate objects don't care about you, so you shouldn't care too much about them. Even really pretty mirrors that totally made the room, and the fun little gilded plaster bust that it took down with it.
2. Don't buy anything you can't afford to lose. Now that it's dust in the wind, I kind of resent those extra dollars beyond my Big Mirror budget that I spent to buy that mirror. Stuff happens — earthquakes, floods, fires, gravity, toddlers — don't spend more than you can on things.
3. Turn lemons into lemonade. A few years ago, my then-3-year-old daughter made permanent marks with blue crayon on my friend's beautiful — like, beautiful — beige upholstered hallway walls. My friend couldn't have been more gracious about this incident (though I'm basically hyperventilating just remembering it) and eventually turned it into an opportunity to switch out the beige for gorgeous black-and-white wallpaper. I'm sure she was still devastated, but she turned that devastation into a positive! Maybe I can follow her lead and find something new and great for my mantle. Meantime, I'm hanging up a painting that I've had for a while and haven't yet found a good spot for. Maybe this is the spot?
4. Hang and install things properly! Um, yeah. I had a professional art hanger put my mirror up, since its heft was daunting to me, but I see now that he didn't properly distribute the weight across the wall. Also, it was an antique (though not THAT old!), and the wood of the frame and the metal plates and screws holding the picture wire onto the frame were getting soft. It seems that one of the metal plates got twisted right off, either because the screws gave out or because the metal wasn't strong enough. I should have made sure the frame and its hangers were reinforced before even getting to the hang-it-up stage. Plus, my 'professional' was maybe on the cheaper end of the spectrum? Sometimes you get what you paid for (an antithetical corollary to Lesson #2 above).
So what do you think? Have you lost a piece of furniture that you loved? What lessons did you learn from it?
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I was looking at the first photo trying to figure out what the "before" ruined thing was... Oh dear! Clicked on the second image. Lol. Sorry for the mirror, but that was a funny transition.
Two questions - did you ask the "professional hanger" for the for your money back? At the very least, you should! Second question - did you reimburse your friend after she was forced to redo her hallway wallpaper? That's a tricky situation - I'd have been mortified too.
We have moved several times in the last ten years and have lost favorite items to trucking damages and downsizing. Once I learned some of the lessons you list here, I found it liberating to be less attached to my things. Now I see change (and loss) as an opportunity to try something new and creative. Keeps me from getting into a rut.
I lost an entire house to fire. I distinctly remember being outside watching it burn - we were lucky it was afternoon & not night, as we would have died - and seeing the gorgeous antique oak chairs I had bought 2 days before at the local lobrary sale, and reupholstered in antique handwoven fabric I had bought in Guatemala 10 years earlier, saving for just the right thing.
We and our animals walked away from that unsalvageable rental, and eventually got compensated by the owners insurance company. The cash came at just the right moment, when I was building my first house. I was able to put in some custom things like tilework, and artwork that I still have in my current home.
Oir small, rural community pitched in and helped us find housing, donated food & clothing, and a beautiful oak hallway table I still use. 21 years later, I look back with gratitude on the entire experience, as it transformed my life in many ways. Loss, big or small, is a doorway to change. Embrace it!
I used to really sweat the small stuff. Then for a while I lived with a guy who had a tendency to drop and ruin everything. Now I have a large unruly dog who slobbers, chews and knocks things over. My transition to being laid back is complete. I like it.
"Don't buy anything you can't afford to lose" is great advice. It's why I chose a laminate Saarinen dining table over the marble-topped one that I really wanted. I have a clutzy (but kickass!) large dog who skids across our wood floors for giggles and I could just imagine him toppling the dining table. If something happened to the laminate version, I could suck up the $2000-ish bucks and live with it. I would really flip out losing a $10,000 marble version, though. A blogger I really like actually had a marble-topped Saarinen coffee table, which her husband bumped his arm on during a fall, and the marble actually cracked and broke off! That would break my heart.
I had all my most precious things - lots of antique china teapots and platters from my family - on my dining room table to keep them safe while the kitchen was being renovated. The dining table collapsed under the weight and most of it was broken. I was stunned at first - who knew that a dining table (solid cherry and hand made) could collapse. I shed tears.
In the end, I decided that it was just nature's way of helping me to get rid of stuff. Most of it was precious to me only because of where it came from. I could never gotten rid of it, but it was taking up room that could be used for more useful things.
There's really only one thing I actively miss - a tiny little white china teapot with red roses on it. Completely not my style, but I loved it. I now regard it as a quest, someday I'll see one like it and buy it.
My first thought was "how on earth did you clean up all that broken glass and not scratch the heck out of your wood floors???"
I have a giant mirror I inherited - at least 40 lbs., 5ft round, with an hidden wood frame the actual glass is mounted on that I'm just waiting to fall (it was a barber shop's mirror, so no fancy frame, just a big round bevel mirror). My grandmother had it over a bed in her house,and I could NEVER sleep under it.
I've been lucky so far; the worst damage to something I love was an antique folk art style carousel animal. My husband and I were moving it in a car, and the horn (it's a ram with curly horns) stuck out a bit from the body, and the hubby didn't realize how much and set it down flat. The tip of the horn split from the weight and fell off. Wood glue stuck it right back on, but he was horrified.
Such WISE words (your list)! I am going to share this with my friends! People put such store in "things" and I feel for them. I used to be the same until I saw a woman on the news. A fire had swept through Santa Barbara, CA and she was standing in front of the smoldering ruins of her home. She looked into the camera and pointed over her shoulder and said, "THIS was my china and crystal and silver that I didn't use because I was "saving" it for special occasions. I will NEVER EVER do that again...." She taught me a good lesson that day and I repeat it every time the moment is right. I've recently lost some precious china in the mail and there was nothing to be done, so I let it go. I have the memories...
I had a similar mirror disaster, though with a flea market bargain. I glued back the salvagable bits of the ornate, gilded frame and filled in the gaps with faux red branch coral (originally drawer pulls and tie-backs from Anthropologie that I had been hoarding.) Then I had the mirror part replaced (at a cost way beyond the price of my flea market find but so worth it in the end) with much nicer beveled glass. The result is an original and funky piece decidedly more in keeping with my house's gypsy vibe.
Also thanks for the wake up...I will check to see how a heavy old mirror is attached to the hanger wire. Hate to have it crash and shatter.
I just have to say 'Oh well' and move on when things break. I don't think I've ever lost anything major but I know that I still miss a few precious yet fragile items.
When I first looked at your photos, all I could think of was 'How did it damage your fireplace?' I don't understand your mantle...with one support cut on a 45 and nothing on the other end. I'm not being derogatory, I just don't get it. Did you have that done? I'm curious.
Regarding spilled milk: I spilled half a carton of milk in my brand new car. Despite having it professionally cleaned, the odor was not completed removed. At the time, the weather was warm and the guys told me that once milk curdles, it is a pretty hard smell to remove. Now I understand why a person would cry over spilt milk. It stinks.
Whenever I break something that I really like I repeat the old zen story about the young student who broke the Zen master's precious antique teacup. He asked the master if all things must die and the master answered with a long explaination of how ,"Yes, everything in the material world must pass away and die. Holding on is foolish as the world is just an illusion." The young student then used the pause as his opportunity to bring the broken cup from his robe and present it to him saying," Master, it was time for you teacup to die.".
Find the stud in the wall. Don't hang heavy items on sheet rock.
Understand that sometimes men just do not listen.
And will hang an inherited antique pot-metal (similar in weight and appearance to cast iron)and porcelain gas lamp EXACTLY where you told him you didn't want it hung and it comes crashing down in the middle of the night taking a large potion of plaster ceiling with it.
Because "he looooves you and was just trying to do you a favor".
@ElaneB I offered to pay and I meant it, but she graciously refused. I hope she knew I was totally serious, though - it would have made me feel better to pay for it!
@nate f Ha - I totally agree about the fireplace. It's a rental, and that fireplace is just one of the many details that I would change if I could, I think it's pretty ugly. Also, it's not centered on the room, and has never worked (it's gas). But I still love my apartment!
Semi-bright side. At least the mirror didn't take out your crystal candlesticks.
I am going to need serious help with this exact issue! I am about to move into a new apartment. Have wallpapered every single surface with carefully, thoughtfully (one might say obsessively) selected patterns.
I am looking forward to finally inviting friends
to a lovingly designed home. And also looking forward to finally repaying the favor of many playdates at my young daughter's friends homes. But...I have to admit...I don't want anyone to TOUCH ANYTHING!!!
A lesson I learned from living in a aspiring middle class neighborhood where people put plastic on the sofas - and sometimes velvet ropes across the living room - is buy what you love but don't buy things so precious that you're afraid to use them.
That being said, losing a significant number of antique rugs and textiles to the dust on 9/11 was very hard - less because things were so expensive and more because of the memories. I now have much better rugs, bought with insurance money, that I care less about. Go figure.
I recently bought two paintings: one 19th c. and the other WPA. When we unpacked them we realized the hangers were a bit iffy. In one case, the hangers were attached to the painting's stretchers, causing the weight of the frame to pull on the painting. In many ways the hanging apparatuses were very like the one that gave way in this post. I've now learned to examine old frames for strength. I was fortunate to find framers who were comfortable making the necessary repairs. Of course, I have other paintings that I should examine for structural integrity...
i needed to read this!! my husband just put an empty container of bleach on an antique indian teak cabinet - except that there was some on the outside of the jar and now there's a definite bleach stain on it. *sigh*
I completely disagree with item #2. Buy art. Buy amazing electronics. Invest in antiques. Enjoy your nest.
And get contents insurance to cover accidental breakage, theft, or other avenues of loss/destruction for those items. The terms will vary by policy and include some level of deductible - but, the coverage really IS worth it for precious pieces.
"don't buy anything you can't afford to lose" is bullshit advice. that is the advice of one who hasn't lost much. you are going to lost the things you never counted on. but you will survive. and you will move on. and find things that make you so very, very happy. and perhaps, if you are lucky you may one day find something that is so much better than you had ever dreamed of. and you will be happy. and blessed.
I cannot get over it! I actually own the EXACT mirror and sat on my bed and watched it fall off the wall! The amazing part of my story is that it had only a tiny bit of damage.! It fell between the wall and a chest that sits below the mirror.I fully expected to look up and find the mirror like yours and the chest ruined.I can imagine how you feel because the mirror was my grandmother's and I adore it. I have never seen another like mine,where did you get yours?So sorry for your loss!
My mirror is similar to that one. Does anyone know where they come from?
my heart didn't break over the mirror, but it did tug on the heart strings when i thought how scratched up the floor could be.
Old Zen saying: "The glass is already broken." Everything you own will be broken someday. Being broken is an inevitable part of its story -- just a part that hasn't happened yet. It's OK.
it's a pretty painting you have up now though !
This is kind of why I love buying used goods - I love them so so much while I have them, but when they break or I find something I like better, it just means I'm out 10 bucks and get to go back to the thrift store and find something else great.
Also, I had a similar issue with a huge heavy mirror on a medicine cabinet, where the wood softened in the wet bathroom air and eventually it just fell off of what was once a very sturdy mounting. It took out a beautiful porcelain sink on its way down and would have very, VERY seriously hurt me if I had been brushing my teeth at the time. I was renting from and living with the homeowner at the time, so I was so glad that I was able to learn a huge lesson about hanging wood items and the dangers of warm, wet air, without having to really deal with the heartache, expense, and effort of dealing with such a crappy situation. Yikes.
I don't know if I'd refrain from buying things that I couldn't afford to lose (I'd still buy, just insure them), but I get what you are saying. 45 days after I moved into my first home, it was robbed. All electronics, my computer, all of my jewelry - including irreplaceable sentimental items like my marathon finisher's medal and a fake set of pearls given to my grandmother by Jackie Kennedy - gone. After the dog came back (he had been scared off by the burglars), I was downright angry for a good couple of weeks. Then one morning while in the shower, I realized I just had to let it go. Stuff doesn't define me or even my taste. I never understood it until I did it, but Oprah is right - when you let go, you give a gift to yourself. The peace of having let it go is what is now irreplaceable to me.
you're right, someone could've gotten seriously hurt, especially seeing that there is a kids' scooter and bike next to the fireplace!
in the end, things are replaceable not people/pets. when we moved from our first home, my fiance carelessly placed a large painted canvas into storage and when we moved it out i almost cried at the big split! his beloved father painted it as our xmas gift. it was a large piece but one i loved because it was painted by family and a future family heirloom. to this day my fiance still beats himself up about it.
I don't know why I'm reminded of this, but...
The first time I took my new car in for an oil change something happened and they dented the door - badly. Of course they fixed it, but I was so glad I wasn't the one responsible! It broke the spell of "perfectness" and I felt much less anxious about my new car.
I don't agree with Travelintravelintravelindottumblrdotcom about your advice. I view things in emotional dollars, not real ones. Can you afford to lose something? At a certain point, your stuff owns you, not the other way around. No one wants to be a slave to a piece of furniture or jewelry.
I DO, however, agree with him about finding better things you never dreamed of. It can happen! You just have to be open to it - and it seems like a lot of people here are!