Such useful advice! I'm in the very beginning stages of my first at-home work project right now and am encouraged that it's possible to do with kids in tow.

This is such a helpful post! My biggest problem currently is a toddler who screams as soon as I get on the phone. I'd love to know if someone has any tricks for avoiding that.

The "be a night-owl or an early-bird but not both" is the best advice. You can't bookend the day with work, is will kill your relationships and your sanity. I am best off as the early-bird and leave evenings available for the hubs.

Establish good nap habits. This has enabled me to work at home a few days a week, knowing that DD would take solid naps every day and I could work uninterrupted.

Love this topic! I'm still figuring it out too with my six-month-old, and can't manage more than a few hours a day without help or *someone* ends up crying.

I keep my laptop or iPhone within arm's reach when feeding, rocking or playing on the floor, so that I can use it (often one-handed) any time he's occupied.

One must-have for conference calls is a phone headset with mute. When noise can't be helped, people don't seem mind as long as you sound like you have control, are paying attention to the call, and are happy to be talking to them, not in a rush to get away.

@Carla - I have been working from home for the past 3 years and need to get on conf calls every so often...

After a lot of effort my son realized that when i tell him that i am on work phone he is not allowed to yell or talk.

some tricks - 1. put on TV (don;t like it but can't be helped at times)
2. reward good behavior after the call is over
3. let him do something quietly near you

Great article, really good unique tips! Thanks:)

Thank you for this! I work at home with both a 5 and 3 year old, and some days (read: today) are pure insanity. Great reminders!

I realize I speak from a position of privilege, as a (mostly) stay-home mom who works outside the home 12 hrs/wk and has a PT nanny for my toddler, but I really believe a child needs undivided attention from a caregiver. Just caring for a child means you're already taking time for cooking, cleaning, caring for siblings, etc. When you're trying to work at the same time, how much time and energy do you have left for them? Is it fair to be shushed and shooed away so often? And how productive is your work really going to be? Obviously kids become more independent as they get older, and there are financial realities to be faced, but I would work VERY hard to avoid this situation....

The LittlestChicken, It's nice that you recognize your privilege, but I still don't think that gives you the right to judge someone else's parenting. I'm sure the writer has thought of just the issues you name - and is doing her very best to negotiate balancing her work and her role as a mother.

I actually think that having a mother who works hard is a fantastic role model for kids. My mother worked full-time plus when my sister and I were kids. She took us to classes with her when she was earning her MBA. She practiced presentations in front of us. And we learned to play quietly and work at our own work just as hard as she worked at hers.

to TheLittlestChicken: I think undivided attention is a hard thing to come by, at any price, and overrated anyway. I agree with NODR that watching a parent work is good - and even interesting - for the child. it could be a jumping off point for so many rich experiences and conversations. and being free of constantly undivided attention gives the child room to develop their own interests, as well as self-sufficiency.

Are companies/employers really okay with parents working at home while also caring for children or other dependents? I only ask because my husband does work from home full time, but he had to sign agreements that specifically state he will not be caring for any dependents during the work day. I also do work from home, but it is not as structured...I work on my graduate studies and teach as an adjunct instructor, so I can do my grading and lesson prep at home. Part time work seems doable especially when you can set your own pace or maybe more flexible jobs where the "hours" you are available don't matter as much as getting the tasks accomplished at some point during the day.

I'm a stay-at-home mom who is working on a huuuuuge house renovation. While I'm not getting paid for this, I act as a kind of all-purposes contractor. Paint, furniture renovation, electricity, wooden floor, I do it all. Trouble is, I have a year old son, and this is not online work, and it's dangerous for my son to be around someone using basic hammer and nails.

I haven't found a perfect solution. I try to do the tasks that require my absolute attention (plastering a ceiling for instance) when my son is sleeping or on week-end. When he is beside me, I concentrate on lighter work, like sewing the window blinds. When the weather is fine, I lay a big blanket out in the garden, put my son on it, and take my dresser and orbital sander outside too.

I also found that giving my son's undivided attention is great. It doesn't need to be long, and it doesn't need to be educational or anything. It's just meant to say I love him or something mushy like that. Usually, we both laugh our hearts out and he goes back to playing while I go back to work.

I guess there are no perfect solution, but I'm as happy with mine as I think I can be.

LittlestChicken, don't try to see it as a parent ignoring their child - see it as a parent letting their child see into an invaluable lesson into the grown up world.

Children have been watching their parents work since forever and ever. It was only the industrialization of labor, which took it far away from the home, that started hiding children from what most grownups do all day.

"I always feel better and work better when I'm dressed. Sometimes I even go crazy and put on mascara."

ha! I thought the article was being written by a man because of the first picture. But you know, to each his, or her, own.

Great article, btw... I am a SAHM with a small side business that occasionally means I don't give my child my full attention. Definitely not in a place of privilege for a nanny, but we make it work. More often than not though, most of my work is begrudgingly done after the kiddos go to bed.

Thanks for this article. I work full time for a consulting company - when I'm not traveling, I'm in my home office. My almost 3 yo is now in preschool 3 days a week (and at grandma's house 1 day) but before then, it was a mighty challenge to juggle job and child, even with a husband who also works at home.

Like you say, sometimes it's the best of both worlds, but it's also the worst of both - never feeling like an adequate parent or worker. It's also hard to find moms in the same situation - most of my friends are stay at home moms and the working moms I know have more traditional office jobs. Those situations have their own special challenges (and rewards).

Anyway. It's so nice to know there others out there, too.

I think LittlestChicken's concern is completely valid, and I've worried a lot about messing up my baby's socialization by too often having my head buried in technology. My best solution is to have at least part-time help, and for the other hours, mix things up as much as possible.

I also try to keep my priorities straight - if the baby needs me, he comes first and work can wait, no matter what's happening. (If that doesn't work out in the long run then so be it, but so far so good.)

Thanks for the useful tips- I really need to get the nightowl/early bird thing in place.

Thanks for the insight into how you all make it work!
Within the last two months my husband and I have moved into a new home, I left my full time graphic design job to be home with our 19month old, we have started cosmetic renovations on the house, and I am working on developing my freelance illustration business. I'm still struggling with finding the right time to spend quality time with my little dude, paint woodwork, and work on my artwork. It's a daily struggle, but having my studio in the same huge room as his playspace and the TV space allows me to do some work while being with the little guy during the day and while enjoying late night TV with my husband. Now all I need is for the little guy to sleep through the night so that the 6 hours of sleep I DO get are of much better quality!

TheLittlestChicken - Great. Thank you for the reminder.

And you can't call out someone for judging without falling on the judgement sword yourself. When it comes to judgment, we should be less interested in avoiding it and more interested in making the right one.

I just want to clarify that I agree that it's great when parents work, when kids see their parents' work, and no...no one gives 100% of their attention all the time. (Nor should we, as our kids grow more independent.) Like Krikkit, I find it challenging to stay off the computer around my son. Like Sara B., I wonder how employers feel about someone on the clock caring for a kid...it was forbidden at my last job.

It makes me think of talking on the cell phone while driving--sometimes necessary, and some people seem to pull it off well, but on the whole, probably not a good idea to combine two such absorbing tasks.

I think like most things in life, balance is key.

I've worked part-time from home for the past 6 years....3 of those years with kids. My solution has been using about 10 hours/wk of affordable childcare (nanny share, babysitting co-op, etc.) and squeezing the other 10 hours/wk in during naps or early mornings before the hubs leaves for work.

That said, there are still times I have to give the kids some play dough or puzzles (we don't have TV) and work a little in front of them. I can also squeeze in a little work while they're at the table eating lunch.

I personally really like having boundaries between work and home time because I feel more present and more efficient. I agree it's great for them to see that mommy works. But I don't want to get lost in my work while they're around.

While I was in college, I always had a part or a full-time job. I always felt very busy, but always did well both at my job and at school. But at one point I thought "if I just didn't have to work, I would be able to REALLY FOCUS on school and it would be great."

I was a mostly-A (sometimes B) student, but I wanted to increase that to all A's. So I quit work one semester.

I actually FAILED one class, and then got maybe one C, one B, and one A. It was my WORST semester of college, ever.

I found that when I worked, I prioritized my time better, was more organized, worked better in the time I was given, etc.

I'm not working right now (for a variety of reasons, and I feel good about it), but I sometimes wonder if I would be more productive as a MOTHER if I was working maybe 12 hours a week, and had to structure my time and housework a little more.

This was a great post. I think there are some fabulous mothers (and fathers!) out there working, non-working, working from home, working part-time, and I love to see what we can teach each other.

Great tips, thank you! I'm currently struggling with these same issues. I feel tremendous guilt - partly because I'm not giving my tiny dancer my full attention and partly because I feel like I'm not completely focused when I work. I'm in the process of looking for a babysitter to watch the tiny dancer while I work in another room in hopes that I can be more efficient.

I have a 2 and a 3 1/2 year old and while they are in preschool part of the time there are still times at home sometimes when I need to get work done. My 3 1/2 year old stopped taking naps a few months ago. To get some quiet time for everyone we instituted "quiet time" during his sister's naps. He can play in his room or in the Living Room but without any noisy toys or tv. He usually complains for a couple of minutes, but then he get wrapped up with his legos or cars and will play nicely for an hour to hour and half. I also second the playing outside in the morning! My kids always do better after they have had a chance to run around. We also have daily "art" time. Usually a combination of coloring, stickers and playdough. I can usually sit there on the laptop while they do this.

Incredibly timely post as I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I work part-time from home and have part-time care outside of the home for almost-2 daughter. I don't know how I could do it otherwise.

Yes, I get up early and love the advice about choosing one (early or late), but other than that when my daughter is around, I can't find any "quality" work time. Yes, I can e-mail or do Internet research and occasionally sneak a phone call or watch a webinar, etc., but actually really get into a project that requires deep thought and concentration?! Fat chance!

With #2 on its way later this year, I'm beginning to rethink working at all for a while. How would I get up every two hours at night AND get up early to get work done?!

As far as having a sitter in the house, this too has never worked for us because my daughter knows I'm there and wants to see me/interact with me/nurse and have some of my attention.

I also made the mistake of letting my daughter do a couple things on my laptop (watch You Tube videos, look at photos of us, etc.) so now I can't use the laptop while she's in the room without a battle of wills unsuing over the use of it!

Thanks for the new ideas and good discourse on this topic close to my heart!

Great tip. I will try the coffee run my son can get some fresh air early in the morning.

I love this peek into your day. My husband and I both work at home and until a couple of weeks ago, our 22-month-old was at home full-time, too. We finally found the perfect person to watch him about 20 hours a week. Those hours on top of his naps let me get 30-40 hours a week of work in. It's so freeing, and I'm so much happier to be able to just hang with my son. That is, when I'm not doing the typical cooking/cleaning/yardwork household stuff. Still, I try to include him in anything he's interested in.

I think the key is to actually think about strategies that'll work for you, rather than just try to wing it.

Also - it's amazing to me that people find controversy in helpful posts like this. I completely disagree with the go-ahead-and-judge comment. Different people, different lives. Clearly the author (and all of the commenters) are thoughtful, creative and involved parents. That's way better than what many children have. Worry about the ones who need worrying about.

I agree that this is a great post, and obviously touches on a subject that's near and dear to work-at-home moms.

I personally didn't feel that TheLittlestChicken's post was judgemental, but the fact that so many people did, underscores the conflicted feelings that almost all of us have towards working while raising young children. I don't know a single working mom who doesn't feel some level of guilt at not being able to give their toddlers as much attention as they need. Indeed, studies have shown that giving a child only *20 minutes* of undivided attention, *3 times a week*, dramatically reduces problem behaviours and increases the child's overal happiness and ability to focus. That's only an hour a week! And still, it's hard for us to do.

Add to that the desire most of us have (those of us here on AT, at least), to keep a tidy, clean, pleasant home and be a loving and understanding spouse to our partners, all at the same time. We wear a lot of hats, we women.

Unfortunately, the society we live in is structured in such a way that very few mothers have the opportunity of giving their young children as much attention as they would like. I myself am in the extremely lucky position of being able to work from home in the first place (!), and having a fantabulous and very affordable daycare provider just next doors. Sounds like a dream come true, right? Except even with these exceptional conditions, I still struggle to get everything done, and give my 3-year-old enough personal time.

The fact of the matter is that economic and social pressure is stronger than ever for moms to be all and do everything -- no matter how far gender equality has come and how wonderful our husbands may be. A mother is a multi-tasker by definition, multiply that by a quantum degree if you're a working mother. Every day, it's a struggle to provide everything that our families need and manage to stay in touch with our own sense of personal identity and achievement at the same time. Even the most attentive, organized, best -intentioned parent, struggles. And the sad fact is that children are not a political and social priority. Just watch the news and see if this isn't true. We as a society clearly don't have our act together. How can we ask this of individual parents??

It's only when enough of us have had enough of it and say "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore" that things can get better. It's a matter of collective and political will, moms and dads!

@Carla: I had this too with my first child. What helped me was to desensitize her. She didn't seem truly angry or distressed that I was on the phone, she just understood (and enjoyed) that certain of her actions would influence my actions - in a way that was beneficial for her, natch. So, sometimes I would get on the phone, not on a call or anything, just holding a silent phone onto my ear. I could correct her when she would start hollering and also I could ignore her. I did it a lot at first. Starting on a weekend when you don't have to work is a good idea. She started to get the idea pretty quickly, even when I sometimes did have to get off a real call and handle her I think the inconsistency of results still discouraged her from screaming when I got on the phone. Additionally, I stopped a lot of chitchat on the phone when I was balancing work and taking care of her. I realized that being solely intent on my work was unfair to her, she also had a rightful claim to my time and attention. Once my calls got shorter, and she wasn't always instantly rewarded with attention for screaming, she was more willing to wait a few minutes for playtime and attention. (Unless she really needed something, of course. No doubt you already know this, but sometimes, as embarrassing as it is, you have to get off the phone after your toddler just shouted that they peed in the hallway.)

I echo Sara B's question: do employers know that you are doing this? Unless you're self-employed, I think working from home while caring for your child is completely unfair to your employer.

I've worked full time from home for five years in a job that requires full concentration, daily telephone conversations, and frequent meetings outside my home office as well as unpredictable travel. I have deadlines to meet that are non-negotiable for external reasons.

I could not have done this without a full-time nanny for the kids when they were babies/toddlers and daycare/preschool thereafter.

I limit my daytime hours strictly to 9-5 but that is often not enough to get everything done. Many nights I work at night, after the kids go to bed.
On the flip side, working from home gives me the flexibility to take the kids to doctor's appointments or to spend extra time with them if I have a light work week. When the kids were babies, I was able to nurse several times a day. Also, I gain a lot of time with the kids each day by virtue of having no commute -- other than a pick-up at nearby preschool.

I think the arrangements you make depend on the nature of your job. "Working from home" covers a broad range of situations and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

Very interesting post! And comes at a great time for me. I work from home full-time and will be a first time mom in a couple of months. My employer was the one who suggested I continue working at home while taking care of my baby. (After maternity leave) They didn't seem to have a problem with it, I was actually the one that wasn't so sure it could work. After reading this article I am thinking about it!

But I definitely think your employer should be aware that you are working from home while caring for your child, I don't think it is unfair to them if this is what you agreed on together. They obviously think you can do it!

Great, great post. I agree with everything said here - especially the part about devoting 10 minutes to an activity with your child before trying to get something done while they're doing it. Not only are they so much happier but you also feel less mommy guilt -win win!

P.S. Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel is one of our current favorites at home too. My 2 year old was so confused the first time we read it and it started talking about "the lady that answers all the phones in town".

I think DC_Mom's last sentence gets at the heart of these disagreements. Working from home does cover a broad range of activities. Some people work for themselves, some work for others, some do regular volunteer work, some work or volunteer intermittently. If one works for someone else, a simple conversation is all that needed to settle the issue one way or another. Or, it may even be part of the established culture at an office that caring for children while working from home is okay. Or perhaps it is stated that work can be done at any hour, as long as it's completed on time. Salaried persons might find that to be more the case.
No need to assume (to oneself even) that anyone's lying on their timecards.

My husband and I both work from home. When I say I "work", I mean I'm in the second year of a PhD program, so nothing with frequent deadlines or set hours. My husband doesn't take care of our 3 month old while he is working, usually. There have been times when the baby has sat in on the daily progress meeting via Skype, or I have left the baby monitor in my husband's office (with baby asleep in his crib) while I take a shower. I will read papers while I'm feeding our son, and my professors allow (even encourage) me and another student to have our babies with us while we Skype in for our weekly seminar class. I am fortunate that my husband takes a 2-hour lunch break every day to give me quiet work or alone time. Sometimes my husband will work at night after the baby and I go to bed (he's a programmer and thinks better in the evening anyway). Please don't assume that we ignore our child (he is happily playing in a pack & play next to me as I type this) or are trying to fool our employers. His employers and my department at school support our work arrangements. If my child were in daycare, they still wouldn't be getting 100% undivided attention, and then it wouldn't be from me and his father. While we cannot afford a sitter or daycare at this time, it may become an option for a few hours a day once I'm working on research for pay. In the meantime, we have a schedule, but we try to be flexible, and I believe we are all happy and productive.

Carla - another great way to keep your son quiet is to get him is own phone. If you use a cell phone for your phone call, get an old one for him (of course, not connected). My daughter loves when I tell her to get her phone because we need to make a call. She walks off talking to her imaginary friends and I get to speak with my clients. If she wants to really talk, after I finish with my client, I call grandma and then she can be like Momma and talk to real people. It works like a charm!

TheLittlestChicken - I'm not sure I agree that full, undivided attention is a good thing. While yes, your child is the center of your world, they are not the center of THE world. Letting them develop without you (obviously supervised but in another room that you can see) and playing alone can be a wonderful thing. As they get older, taking them to work and allowing them to see a bigger world (especially of grow-ups) and how adults interact - how different it is from interacting with other children or an adult to child is an incredible learning experience.

Personally, I was blessed with a father who was an entrepreneur. In Summer, he took me to every meeting, every factory and every client lunch. He had his briefcase and I had my bag of books and coloring. Sometimes it was hard to be quiet but after a meeting we would talk about what went on and what it meant. It was an amazing world to me and I believe it was also why, when I was on national tv giving a lecture to millions of people, I never froze or even had stage fright. I had grown up watching my father give presentations to clients since I was 4 years old.

My mother took me to her classes when she went back to finish her degree. I was only 6 but I was so proud of her because I knew exactly how hard she had worked to achieve her degree. I had seen how difficult the classes were and we would sit side-by-side at the kitchen table doing our homework.

There are no perfect answers to parenting. However, NOT having my parents undivided attention at all times, I believe, helped me be an independent person. It might be different for my own child - I'm learning, too. Maybe she'll need me more than I needed my parents - maybe less. However, while you show us the benefits of a full time, undivided mother, look at some of the benefits that a working parent can give as well.

P.S. Why are Daddies never in these conversations? You don't hear many fathers asking these questions. Ladies - give yourselves a break. Just remember a few things: Does your child know they're loved? Are they happy? Are they getting about 80% of what they're peers a getting (I'm talking about speech, learning, potty training, etc.) Are they healthy? If the answer is "Yes" to all of those questions (and you know it is) then you're doing a fine job. Pat yourself on the back and enjoy both your children and if you have them, your careers!

Zilla-Mama - dead-on.

In response to Violet's comment above: I didn't feel judged because I feel guilty. I don't feel guilty for working while my son spends some quality time with kids his own age. He's an only child and *needs* the socialization that day care brings. He also needs to see Mom and Dad working sometimes. I'm not a bad mom when I cook dinner and refuse to hold him while I do it. I'm not a bad mom when I send him to his room to play while I work to make the money that feeds, clothes and entertains him. Absolutely no guilt.

;D

I work from home part-time (10-15 hrs a week) and gave up on working with an awake child without childcare by the time daughter was a year. So now it's naps and times when my husband can watch her (and, guiltily, the occasional tv show if I'm desperate). It's hard because naps aren't a time to take a break or do household tasks, but the work gets done and I'm able to be home with her. I am curious if some of these tips will work better when she's older.

Shortly after having my son, I quit my job and decided to freelance from home. At first, working from home with my then 4 month old was a snap. He slept in my lap while I worked away on the computer. At about 5 - 5.5 months he started needing much more attention and started going through attachment phases where i couldn't put him down to get myself a cup of coffee without a complete break down. We are now participating in a part time nanny share in which I bust balls to get as much work done as I can. Other days - sometimes work gets done, sometimes it doesn't until my husband gets home. For me its about learning to be flexible (especially as a planner). I really thought stopping to spend 10 uninterrupted minutes with your kid was a great point. Its hard to give half your attention to work and half to your child and have it work successfully. I'm excited to see how this situation will play out as he gets older. He is my number one priority, and I'm happy he will grow up knowing his mother provided for the family and has a career she cares about.

One word: Grandma!