If you've ever had the uncomfortable experience of attending (or being the recipient of) a bad surprise party, then you know that good planning will get you everywhere. Beyond the invitations and the big reveal, the best parties are ones where everyone has fun, so it's crucial to consider the feelings of the one person who can't refuse the invitation: the guest of honor. Keep these tips in mind in order to surprise (but not alienate) the person you're celebrating.
1. Make sure your guest of honor likes surprises. Not everyone does! Surprise parties are only fun if the recipient is happy and excited. Otherwise there's just an awkward, what-am-I-doing-here vibe, which is not conducive to a good party.
2. Schedule the party before the event you're celebrating. No one should feel neglected on their day, even if there's a happy ending. If you're not able to have the event the day of, scheduling the party the weekend before will keep it a surprise without the angst.
3. Make sure your surprisee is dressed appropriately. I would absolutely kill anyone who surprised me coming home from the gym or work. At a party (especially my own), I want to look my best. If necessary, fake me out with a plan to go to a nice restaurant, another party or anywhere festive so I'll feel party-ready after the big reveal.
4. Keep it simple. Don't arouse suspicion by stockpiling food as I once did. Set-up time will be limited, so it's not the occasion for culinary masterpieces or craft cocktails. Also, limiting the guest list to the inner circle crowd increase the chances that the surprise party will stay a surprise.
5. Re-think the reveal. The best surprise party I've ever attended had no hiding behind couches, no yelling "surprise." The honoree arrived at a party in progress and slowly realized that all her friends and family were there and the cake had her name on it! It was an amazing, low-pressure way to surprise her without all the drama.
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I do love a good surprise party, and I've learned a few tips from being the host and the guest of honor at a number of surprise parties:
--Make sure you know whom to invite. My parents threw a surprise party for my 21st birthday, which was incredibly sweet of them...unfortunately, when my brother asked me to tell him who my college friends were (on some weird pretext I can't recall), I answered by methodically naming each vaguely sociable person on my floor in my dorm, starting from the first room on the hall. Consequently, some very random people ended up being invited to the party, while some good friends who happened to live on other floors got left off the list!
--Consider how much of a "surprise" it needs to be. We threw a surprise party for my grandfather's 90th birthday. Nobody turning 90 needs to be excessively surprised, so we told him we wanted to have a special lunch with some of his friends from the senior center; the surprise was that "some" friends turned out to be everyone at the senior center, with decorations, cake, and even a band playing golden oldies from the 1930s. It was less of a "SURPRISE!" kind of surprise party, and more of a "Well, what do you know?" kind of affair, my grandfather was delighted, and nobody had a heart attack.
--Getting there can be half the surprise. When it was my turn to surprise my brother on his birthday, I arranged to have his friends hiding in a van around the corner from my apartment in Brooklyn. Instead of taking him to brunch, as we'd planned, we "kidnapped" him, blindfold and all, and took him to the Friendly's in the Staten Island mall (long story, but essentially, my brother really likes Friendly's, of which there was only one in the five boroughs.) The best part was listening to him try to figure out where we were going and what purpose this whole endeavor could possibly serve. One Cone Head Sundae later, he was a happy surprisee.
--Make sure you have a critical mass of people who understand the concept of a surprise party. I planned one for my mom, only to discover that none of her friends made it to the secret destination on time--perhaps they were ALL ignorant of how these things work? Anyway, I ended up having to fake a hypoglycemic episode necessitating a prolonged stop at a donut shop until her friends showed up...sigh...
Thank you for the #1 tip. Totally hate surprise party. It is only fun for the person who is planning it. I also hate being coerced into participating one. Why do people think deception is fun?
Generally, I'm not a big fan of surprises, but my dad turned 75 last Spring and my sisters and I threw a huge surprise party.
We told him we were having a small family gathering, just us three and my sisters' families for a barbecue, but in reality we invited the whole extended clan (my dad has EIGHT siblings, most of whom have kids, and most of the kids have kids -- so I don't used "extended" lightly) and my late mother's relatives, too, who we don't see very often anymore. Plus some old family friends.
He was THRILLED. Over a year later, he can't stop talking about it.
My favorite touches were:
The "Wall of Dad." I printed up practically every photo of my dad from his whole life and we had them up on the wall at eye level all across the back wall of my sister's house (the party was outside).These included, of course, lots of group shots of him with other folks like his brothers and sisters, grandkids, etc.
I interspersed with the photos, little cards with fun facts about his birth year like "The year Dad was born was the first year stress was recognized as a medical condition," and "The year Dad was born, Such & Such won the Academy Award for Best Picture," etc. It was easy to look up stuff online. People really enjoyed that, and were walking up and down perusing the wall all afternoon, reminiscing, laughing about the rise and fall of sideburns, talking about the facts...and I got lots of requests for copies of the photos afterwards!
& finally I chose four photos of him: as a child, as a very young newlywed with slicked-back 1950s hair, looking very handsome in his tux at my sister's wedding, and a more recent shot, and using snapfish, made up stickers. Everyone chose one and wore it. He couldn't get over that touch, and of course had to wear all four himself.
Gee I should probably mention some of the hard work my sisters did like baking a three-tiered homemade cake and wrangling the gigantic guest list, but oh well. They can comment on their own favorite blogs!
I once had a surprise party thrown for me at university. Unfortunately, the main part of the evening turned out to be a beer festival, and my friends had forgotten I was under the legal drinking age because I started uni a year early. I ended up spending my birthday watching about 30 people get gradually more and more drunk, before organising the journey home!
People keep failing number 1 with my mom. She hates them and yet people keep giving them to her. However, since the people giving them always contact me first I can warn her beforehand so she'll be ready. She still acts surprised and everything, but would much rather the people just be out in the open about it the whole time since the surprise element is just a waste of time.
We didn't plan a surprise party per se, but when my parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary by renewing their vows, my sister and I did smuggle my mom's sister and husband up to surprise them. Unfortunately, my mom suspected something because I put out towels in the guest room in an attempt to be a good hostess. That said, she still burst into happy tears when my aunt and uncle walked into the church--she was really, really happy to see them.
The other thing my sister and I had done was solicit pictures and stories from friends and family who couldn't attend and compile them into a book that we presented to my folks at the ceremony. My dad claims he didn't cry, but he's totally lying.
All these tips are great, but I think you need to also be respectful of the other guests and what you ask of them in order to plan/execute a surprise party. I've been involved in three surprise parties in the past 3 months. For two of these parties it felt like the host relied very heavily on the guests pitching in substantial money and/or time, which would have been fine if we had been able to have a say in the initial planning, however this wasn't the case. The guests were asked (and in one case if felt required) for major time and effort, but little acknowledgment during/after the party. Both parties were great, but it left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths, which is unfortunate since these are suppose to be happy events.
@Yrnamehere, I have to disagree that people are failing number 1. You know in advance about the party and aren't tipping the party throwers off. Your mom pretends to be surprised, and I'm guessing she's pleasant about it, so no one has any reason to think that she doesn't like surprise parties. If she wants people to stop giving surprise parties, then it's way past time to let folks know that. Unfortunately, since it's been going on for so long, don't be surprised to find that old habits die hard.
@Yrnamehere, I have to disagree that people are failing number 1. You know in advance about the party and aren't tipping the party throwers off. Your mom pretends to be surprised, and I'm guessing she's pleasant about it, so no one has any reason to think that she doesn't like surprise parties. If she wants people to stop giving surprise parties, then it's way past time to let folks know that. Unfortunately, since it's been going on for so long, don't be surprised to find that old habits die hard.
I went to a surprise party once that should have been a total winner - the guest of honor had actually confided to his boyfriend that once he'd believed he was getting a surprise party, was totally psyched, and then got crushed when it didn't happen. So actually throwing him a party should have been great, right? But the "SURPRISE!" moment just scared the hell out of him, and it was about 30 minutes before he was recovered enough to relax and enjoy the festivities. After that it was okay, but the party wound up being much more muted than anyone would have hoped.
On 'getting there' being half the fun: my friends family wanted to throw her a surprise party, but told her that it was for her dad. My friend was supposed to take her dad back to her parents’ home after a day out, where all his friends would be waiting (but in fact, my friends' friends were there). This created an ideal situation: my friend was chuckling up all day, trying to act normal to her dad, while dad had fun seeing his daughter struggle with keeping a straight face. It all worked out perfectly and the party was a great success.
Definitely make sure the person of honor is dressed appropriately! My then-fiance and I went to a local dive sports bar on a summer night, so I had my basic white t-shirt, flip flops, hair up in a bun, no makeup routine. Come to find out, his mother had planned a co-ed bridal shower for us in the backroom of the bar! I was so completely mortified to be so inappropriately dressed for the occasion, I still can't look at any of the pictures from that night.