Survey: Assigned Seating at the Holiday Table?

Thanksgiving is fast approaching. And given that it's also Entertaining Month on Apartment Therapy, it seemed an appropriate time to see how you feel about assigned seating for dinner parties or holiday meals...

The conventional thinking asserts that assigned seating makes for more interesting interactions as the host tries to match people who might not otherwise sit near each other but who might have a good time talking. It's a good way to avoid cliques at the table.

Though some might say it's also over-orchestrated, bordering on controlling.

How do you feel about assigned seating? Have you had interesting interactions over the years that you might not have had if you hadn't been forced to sit next to a particular someone?

Image: Flickr member Jenny Downing licensed under Creative Commons

Comments (20)

Our dinner parties are small enough (4-8) that I just try to orchestrate it by deciding ahead of time where my SO and I will sit. It's only a real issue at my parents' Thanksgiving dinner... there are usually around 15 people, and the extra table extends into the hall from the dining room. Without careful planning, it ends up feeling like you're a second-class citizen if you sit down there.

Unless it's a State dinner, it feels pretentious to me.

I don't feel comfortable telling grown up people who know each other ( which is the case at Thanksgiving) where they need to sit.
It's much more natural for everyone to get comfy where they want, especially when we are around the same dinner table

I like seating plans...that way you can seat people together to form a better whole-conversation rather than little cliques...I place spouses next to/across from one another...I dont think its pretentious if its a larger gathering. It might be silly if it's a small group though

Just got an invitation to dinner from a friend who specified that no one can sit next to a significant other or someone they live with. Since there won't be too many people at this dinner, I'm sort of excited to see if we can solve this logic puzzle.

We're having 14 to Thanksgiving and I'm definitely doing placecards. I dislike that feeling at large sit-down dinners where everyone is kind of milling around and eyeing each other, not knowing where to sit. But our usual dinner party is 4 to 6, and I think it would be a little much in that case.

I believe that it actually makes it easier on guests to be told where to sit rather than fiddling around with who sits where - it eliminates the awkwardness of some folks who might not be well acquainted with others. I also find that couples always tend to want to sit together, yet the conversation is much more interesting when couples are split up.

When I host dinner parties in restaurants, although there are no placecards I do gently suggest where certain folks might sit.

i just like to make place cards - they're fun and add a creative and personal element (for parties of 8 or more). if people move themselves around to sit where they want - fine by me. for a smaller gathering, it's a bit forced.

i don't mind it at a formal dinner party where guests don't necessarily know one another, as opposed to at an impromptu gathering of friends. i think it shows that the hosts have thought about their guests.

at thanksgiving, however, i'm hosting 18 people, half of whom are relatives, the other half friends and "orphans", all of whom have met before, things will be looser. the elderly get seats near the door, but where they won't get wacked by people passing by; my partner and i will sit nearest the kitchen for fetching; everybody else will find a seat as best they can.

this meal is the reason we fell in love with our current home. it's got a big dining area, that can easily be extended into the living room and all of it open to the kitchen. we saw this place and both said, "thanksgiving here will rock!" funny. it's great on a daily basis, too.

I think it's nice, and definitely stimulates conversation. I don't think it's pretentious at all.

I'm not into dinner party seating, but I do like that "Reservado" card. Very cute!

If everyone knows each other, or if it's a casual event, I don't see the point.

If you have a lot of people who are strangers to each other, or if it's a formal dinner, it makes more sense, though still not 100% necessary in my opinion.

if its family...in general, why would you need to (lol let's not discuss some people's family dynamics)

however, if there's more than 10 people and not everyone coming knows each other or not everyone is close, then it might be a good idea. i have been out for dinner in large groups and since its at a restaurant, people who know each other best congregate and it might as well be two or three groups of people eating at the same place. you don't want that at your home...

I think without placecards couples automatically tend to sit beside each other, but as they sit together most of the rest of the time I think it's always better to try to seat them seperately - if only so they have somebody new to talk to ;)

I'm a little confused by the two or three people who said not to sit couples together. I would actually be offended if someone sat me at one end of the table and him at the other...generally we like to be together, it's kind of why we are together. Luckily everyone in our families seats couples if not by each other at least across from one another.

I can't remember ever eating somewhere there was an actual seating chart for the most part - just a gentle suggestion. Like at his grandmother's, there tends to be two tables (on in the kitchen and one in the dining room) - mixed between children and adults (only children who can behave are invited). The aunt who cooks usually asks people to sit at one or the other tables - trying to pair people up as couples around with people they are comfortable with.

ChrisGal,
I agree, for me it would take away from enjoying the meal if I had to sit separately from my boyfriend, especially if the rest of the group is people I don't know too well. It would be like going to a wedding reception & being made to sit at separate tables.

ladymantle -- Did you stop and consider some of us LIKE the men we are with? Hell, I love him - lol - the day we run out of things to talk about will also be the day we separate. But I've known him for 12 years and there is tons I don't know but will over time.

I would rather be seated near the guy I am with than away mostly because I am comfortable around him - and any GOOD host/hostess will seat people near people they are comfortable with instead of forcing them to try to make small talk with people they may never even see again.

Absolutely, especially if it's a group of people that don't all know each other already. Left to their own devices, couples can retreat into their own little bubbles and create conversational dead spots. There's nothing wrong with nudging people out of their comfort zones either.

ladymantle -- I guess you misunderstood - I never said I'd spend the evening talking to him or treat it like a date. Geez, you must not go on dates much - we go regularly just for fun. I have been to dinner parties - most aren't assigned seating and the people throwing it understand that people do have a better time with those they know. I can sit next to my guy and talk to everyone else and practically ignore him - but we like to sit together. I don't get how you take that and make it so contrived that I must only want to talk to him.

Again, I don't go to many parties where booze is served or if it's a lot of people I don't know going. I prefer the people in my family and my friends over the person I didn't know who is going to have a little too much to drink and act like a complete fool. Considering that was the first time you met the person, that tends to be what you remember about them.

The worst dinner party I've ever been to was thrown by my husband's ex-boss and his wife. It was us, them, and their 5 adult kids with their significant others. I hadn't met any of them before, and after everyone sat down the boss' wife separated my husband and I to opposite ends of the table since she said it was inappropriate for us to have sat down next to each other. It was an uncomfortable and awkward meal, and I think it would've better if I had my husband closer for moral support.